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Kojiro found Kaoru sitting at his desk, hunched over in what looked to be in incredible concentration. He cocked an eyebrow, lips curling at the end in amusement as he sauntered over to Kaoru.
“Screws for brains, whatcha working on so intently over there?” he leaned forward in anticipation. Kaoru was probably scribbling up some new technological invention. Kojiro expected to see numbers and equations and scratches and eraser marks all over a sheet of paper. A language that made no sense to him quite frankly but Kaoru could speak with ease.
Kaoru shot up like a rocket. Kojiro blinked, seeing Kaoru’s face so red and his eyes so wide was… weird. He glanced down to take a look at the sheet but Kaoru’s hands immediately smacked down onto the table. Covering the sheet of paper with his palms.
Okay… weird.
“Now you know there’s no secrets between us,” Kojiro joked, inching closer to get a better look at what was on the paper. Call him curiosity and kill him for it later.
“You’re annoying, quit it!” Kaoru ripped the paper away but Kojiro was able to see at least one, crucial phrase that made all the dots connect at once.
Dear,
Kojiro’s grin sharpened at the edges, “No way? A love letter?” he laughed despite the furious red that was coloring Kaoru’s face. And the imminent beating he knew was coming once Kaoru stopped being flustered enough to turn that energy into annoyance. “To who? Who are you crushing on?”
“It’s none of your business, seaweed head.” Kaoru got up from his desk and grabbed his bag in a huff, storming towards the door with the paper crumpled up in his hand. On his way to the door, he kicked Kojiro in the back of his leg. Deserved , but painful. He slammed it into the trashcan before he left. His tirades and curses echoing in resonance down the hallway.
“Fuck, that hurts. Kaoru that was unnecessary ,” Kojiro rubbed at his aching leg, stumbling slightly to the door.
He should have kept walking.
Followed after Kaoru. If he jogged he’d catch up to him because his legs were longer and a Kaoru walking on rage tired out quickly in about 10 minutes.
He should have left the letter alone.
But his eyes dropped to the letter in the trash can. It rested on top of the other sheets of paper like they were its throne and it was their sovereign. It stared at Kojiro. Kojiro stared back.
Take me , it whispered. Seductively and sweetly into Kojiro’s ear.
And Kojiro, well, he was always a sucker for some sweet seduction.
Despite his better judgment, he reached for the letter and slipped it into his pocket.
“Kojiro, where are you? We’re gonna be late!” Kaoru’s voice carried through the halls.
Kojiro jogged out of the classroom and found Kaoru standing at the top of the steps. Bag over his shoulder and board tucked under his arm.
“Sorry! Had to wait for the pain of your kick to leave because that hurt like a bitch ,” Kojiro lied.
Kaoru rolled his eyes and descended down the steps two at a time, “It builds character. You're welcome.”
“Character,” Kojiro barked, “yeah okay.” he followed Kaoru down the steps. The letter burning in his pocket the entire time.
-
Kojiro sat at his desk, staring at the letter.
Now that he had the letter, he’s not quite sure why he took it. It was a clear invasion of privacy. And if-or really, when, because knowing Kojiro’s luck it was only a matter of time before Kaoru realized or found out-Kaoru discovered he had the letter, he’d beat Kojiro within an inch of his life for taking it.
But, he pressed his index finger along the corner of the folded up letter addressed to no one at all, he was curious.
Kaoru told him everything. They bickered and bantered and fought more times than they conversed, but Kaoru was his best friend. Period. Kojiro told Kaoru everything.
So why hadn’t Kaoru told him about this?
“Who could he be in love with?” Kojiro muttered.
There’s a twinge of something green and ugly that festered underneath his skin. That took root and shape and planted poison apple seeds in the garden of his mind.
He had to know. Or well, he wanted to know. But adding a sense of urgency to the desire made it seem all the more valid and all the less a horrible idea.
He opened the letter. Pressed it flat so the crinkles would come out, and read the letter.
His first thought when reading the letter is that Kaoru had really neat handwriting.
His second thought was jeez, Kaoru had it bad for whoever the letter was for.
The letter talked about rushes and adrenaline-the quickening of heartbeats. The realization that the sun was gonna rise and he’d get to be with them again. And what that meant. And how realizing what that meant, how putting the variables into the equation and coming to the answer at the other end of the equal sign (Kojiro snorted at that. Kaoru was such a nerd) made it clear as day that what he felt was more than just affection. Deeper than admiration. Bigger than friendship.
More akin to love, but not really there just yet. But the chemical reaction (Kaoru’s words, not Kojiro’s) was there and brewing. Only a matter of time for the catalyst to cause the reaction to completely overflow into something entirely new. Maybe dangerous. But nevertheless exciting.
He read the letter three times. He could close his eyes and recite the letter word for word. And every time he read it he thought: who was Kaoru thinking of when he scrawled poetry onto paper?
Kojiro leaned back in his chair, the paper left on the desk. His cheeks felt hot. He rubbed at them in circles, frowning. “Kojiro you are a lot of things… but reading personal love notes?” he sighed. He grabbed the pencil he was supposed to be using for homework and rested it on top of his lips, pursing it so it could wobble and stay there while he considered this startling new development.
Kaoru was in love with someone. Or falling in love with them, anyways.
And then he thought, ridiculously by the way. It was a ridiculous thought to consider. A thought that made heat rise on the back of his neck. A thought that got his pulse quickening. Again, remember, it’s a ridiculous thought.
It was simple. It was innocuous.
He considered it so briefly because to give it any more light of day would be damning.
But what… if the letter was for him?
What if Kaoru was writing to him?
“Nanjo Kojiro… you stupid bastard,” he muttered. He got out of his chair and paced around the room. He shot a quick glance at his bed where his phone laid plugged up to a charger. He almost wanted to call Kaoru and ask. Ask him who the letter was for. Ask him why he didn’t address it to anyone specifically. Ask him if he intended to give the letter to the person he wrote it for.
But then he’d die. So self preservation won out.
He dropped back into his chair, his entire body feeling heavy. His textbooks stared at him, opened but untouched. Not a single assignment had been even remotely attempted since he got home.
The letter he had read and memorized stared back at him almost mockingly. As if it were saying, “You’re a fool. To care so much about something that has nothing to do with you.”
For a split second, he thought about setting it on fire.
“Just throw it out, Kojiro.” this was the fifteenth time he said that. He had not gotten up to throw it out fifteen times now.
He tapped his pencil against the desk several times. His foot tapping in tempo. Then, he reached for his notebook and ripped out a page. He clicked his pencil several times and laid out Kaoru’s crumpled up letter beside it.
He decided that, instead of setting the paper on fire. He’d simply set on fire these weird mixture of emotions welling up in his chest. And the best way to do that was, in his mind, writing out a response to Kaoru’s letter.
If Kaoru didn’t have a recipient, he’d become the recipient.
He started and stopped writing three times until he finally got into the groove.
Dear Kaoru,
I probably shouldn't have read your letter. But I did. My bad. It's weird. I’ve seen your handwriting a thousand times but this is the first time i've ever thought of it as beautiful.
Maybe it's because you're conveying love, and not taking down notes for math class. I also realized, I've never seen you in love before. not that i thought you weren't capable. It's just.
I know you love math. You love putting in numbers and seeing the equation come out the way you knew it would over and over.
You love robots. Probably because you are one.You love physics. You love calculating velocity and speed (which I’m pretty sure are the same thing even if you say otherwise).
But most of all, you love skating.
I've never seen you more alive, more in love, then when you're on a board.
When you nail a trick and you get all giddy. Your voice gets louder and you have this excitement in your eyes. You keep doing the move over and over because you're so hyped you got it right. And when you turn to look at me, and say "You saw that?" I can't help but think, maybe. Maybe, you get so excited because you wanna show me. That the look of excitement in your eyes isn't just because you got the trick right. But because you got the trick right and I was there to see it.
Also you’re really cheesy and soft, did you know that? Shakespeare would even cringe. Comparing this person to the feeling of the wind through your hair and the rush of adrenaline you get from doing a kickflip? Really?
Kaoru you got it bad.
Also, sorry to make this about me but. Why didn’t you tell me you’re crushing on someone?
I thought we told each other everything? Are you embarrassed? Ashamed? Afraid I’d judge you? Because I’d never do that. I’ve always liked you for all that you are. Everything you are.
Haha, is it me?
Is that why you got scared when you saw me coming? Because then you’d have to confess to me or something shoujo like that? Haha no no. Couldn’t be.
That’s just... my foolish hope.
I guess.
Kojiro’s pen hovered in the air as if it were stopped by some iron wall that kept it from proceeding further. His entire face was warm. His palms were sweating. God, that was… how did Kaoru manage to write that without combusting in place? That was so… self reflective. And very intimate. Kojiro was normally a very self-attuned person but that level of awareness was… weird. To look at. To examine. To allow himself to let go and feel on the page.
He almost felt a little silly. Responding to Kaoru’s letter like that. For what purpose? To pass the time? Just because?
He scratched at his chest. It ached a bit. He’s not too sure why, though.
He never finished the letter because by that time Makoto, his oldest youngest brother, came up asking Kojiro when he’d start making dinner.
“Sorry! I’m coming,” he got up from his desk and pushed the letter far into the back of his mind.
“You’re doing homework?” Makoto side eyed him. “I’ve never seen you work so hard…”
“Punk,” Kojiro clucked his tongue, ruffling Makoto’s hair as he passed. “I’m the hardest working biggest brother ever .”
“Yeah okay,” Makoto didn’t seem convinced as they headed downstairs to start dinner.
The letter was left behind on his table right beside Kaoru’s as he worked on dinner and helped his brothers with their homework.
Forgotten, really, as the days went by.
Until Kaoru found it.
-
Kojiro honestly forgot he had the letter on his desk.
When he came back with two drinks for him and Kaoru, he found Kaoru standing at his desk holding onto two sheets of paper.
He spilled the drinks.
“Oh shit,” he went to pick up his spilled glasses. He could feel Kaoru looking at him with heated golden eyes, with the letters in his hands.
Kojiro fumbled to pick up the glasses. To wipe up his spill. Kaoru hadn’t said anything. And that just made the awkwardness and nervousness even heavier. Kojiro could feel his pulse beating loudly in his ears. His whole body on alert, ready for the other shoe to drop, until-
“Why do you have this?”
Kaoru’s quiet, low voice cut sharply. Made Kojiro flinch.
Now that was a brilliant question. Why does he have the letter? Why hadn’t he thrown it away? Why hadn’t he done a better job at keeping it hidden?
Those were all questions he really couldn’t come up with an answer for.
“Are you mad?” Kojiro asked instead. Still on the floor, dabbing his carpet with the paper towels he smartly brought with him on the tray with his glasses.
He looked up at Kaoru.
Suddenly, Kaoru was in his space. Gripping him up by his tie. Dragging him up to stand. His fingers trembled.
Kojiro flinched. Breaching himself for the hit that never came.
When he opened his eyes, wincing, he found Kaoru’s face devoured by a blush.
“You weren’t supposed to see this. Ever.” Kaoru whispered fiercely.
Kojiro froze. He wasn’t really sure… how to take that. What that even meant.
“I’m… sorry?” because his mind was filling in all the blanks. Creating every deadly inference those words could imply. “You can, uh throw them out. It was-I was stupid.”
“You are,” a pause. “But I won’t.”
“What?”
Kaoru tugged on his tie again. And Kojiro braced himself for a punch.
But it never came.
Not in the way he expected, at least. Instead he felt cold metal on his lips. A hesitant and bold touch of lips upon him. His eyes snapped open. And he’s shocked to find Kaoru kissing him instead of delivering a punch to his gut.
But maybe, this was the punch.
He’s so shocked he didn’t respond in time. Kaoru pulled back. His face covered fully in a bright, red blush that reached all the way to the tip of his ears. He stepped back. And the distance between them was loud. He gripped the letters and moved to leave.
“I’m going-”
Kojiro’s body worked faster than his brain, thankfully.
He gripped Kaoru’s wrist, pulling him back. And then kissed him the way he should have the first time. No longer frozen, but melting. No longer hesitant, but with purpose.
And Kaoru, stunned at first, didn’t stay that way for too long. Kissing Kojiro back with the same intensity. The same nervous, yet excited kisses.
“Was the letter for me?” Kojiro asked, panting. He kissed Kaoru again shortly afterwards. Because he couldn’t stop. He wouldn’t.
Kaoru fixed Kojiro with a glare after they parted. “I wouldn’t be kissing you if they weren’t. God, this is embarrassing. Why are you the nosiest person in the world?” Kaoru solidified his question with a swift kick to Kojiro’s kneecap.
“Ow!” pain shot up Kojiro’s leg, but he laughed nevertheless. There was a rush that shot up his entire body. That electrified his veins. And even though his leg throbbed, he didn’t care as he brought Kaoru back for a kiss. Wrapping his arms around his waist as he did. Pulling him flush against his body.
“Did you write others?” Kojiro asked.
Kaoru sputtered, his eyes widened. Kojiro’s grin curled to a devious angle.
“Let me read the others?” Kojiro was shameless now.
Kaoru rolled his eyes and pushed Kojiro’s smirking face away from him, “Not on your life. I’m burning them all tonight.”
“No don’t!” Kojiro laughed. “I wanna read them!”
“Fat chance!”
Kojiro, once he found them of course, had plans to read them all anyways.