Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you directly without problems or pride:
I love you like this because I don’t know any other way to love

- Pablo Neruda, One Hundred Love Sonnets

If someone asked Will Solace if he was a romantic, he'd outright deny it and say no, although he could see how they were mistaken.

Contrary to what everyone believed about him, Will liked to believe that he was a very logical person. He liked to do things in order, be rational, and he hated surprises. Then again he also liked to believe in Unicorns, Jackalopes, and the fact that he'd live to experience world peace, so who's to say. 

Two of his favourite things in the world— love, and stories, yet love stories never made much sense to him. He'd rather read and feel what love is rather than how love should be (Nico would call him a 'Pretentious idiot' for this but that's beside the point). 

Love, he believed, was the most glorious thing in the world, but love didn't need to be glorified. 

So if someone asked Will if he was a romantic, he'd outright deny it and say no, and he'd also deny that this story is a love story. No, he'd say, this is a story of love— a story of falling in love, actually. 

If anyone asked Nico the same question, he'd level their questioning eyes with his patented death glare and try to divert the topic. Taking mercy on them, Will would probably answer the question on his behalf, and tell them that Nico was secretly a huge sappy romantic ("Shhh, don't tell him I told you this").

But if Nico trusted them enough, he'd tell them himself. No, he wasn't a romantic, although he could see how Will was mistaken.

Will probably thought it must come with being a writer. Nico saw poetry in things no one would care to look twice at, and made them beautiful.

And what better way to capture love than beauty? 
 
But love wouldn't always be beautiful. He knew that love could hurt, and that sometimes love turned bitter and ugly. Love meant holding on and love meant letting go. Love was a paradox and a hypocrite. And love couldn't care less about how you measure it in romance or sappiness. 

If someone asked Nico if this is a love story, he'd also deny it and say no, although with a little hesitation. This is a story of love, he would say, a story of holding on and letting go. 

"And next in the stage, let's welcome The Olympians." 

Nico entered the stage with Percy, Jason, and Frank in tow with a single thought in his mind— Man, I wish I'd brought a jacket with me. He had expected the chill of the December evening to be drowned out by the usual ambience of the bar and the bustling crowd, but at the moment all he could feel was the cold breeze and his slightly shaky nerves. 

From Nico's left, Percy adjusted his mic and addressed the crowd, "We're going to be performing The Great Escape by Boys Like Girls." He lingered over the mic, as if he couldn't believe what he was going to say next. "And this is our last performance before we go on a hiatus, so we hope you'll enjoy it!" 

And then Percy started singing. 

Nico had chosen the song over one of his own compositions for tonight's performance. Even if it was different from what they usually performed, he'd gotten the band on board by telling them that it would be fitting considering their temporary break. But now he knew the song was less fitting and more of a resignation and acceptance. 

As he strummed the guitar while humming the lyrics to himself, Nico watched his bandmates in their element— Jason with his guitar and Frank with his drums, and Percy with his bass. He was going to miss this a lot. But as the song said, at least they had one more night. 

As soon as he left the stage, Nico was tackled into a hug by Hazel from the side. Even though she was a foot shorter than him, she somehow wrapped him into a bear hug, making him lean into the warmth and take in the faint smell of cinnamon and honey that never failed to remind him of his baby sister. 

Baby sister. Wait.

"What the hell, Hazel? Who let you in here?" Nico tried to sound angry, but instead he came off as confronting disappointed brother. That was the closest he could come to scolding Hazel. 

"I had a fake ID. The guard looked suspicious, but he let me in anyway," Hazel shrugged, and then looked a little concerned. "C'mon, you didn't think I was gonna miss your last performance before you guys go on a break, did you? And anyway, I'm eighteen now." 

"Exactly! You're practically a baby." 

"Give her a break, Neeks," Percy cut in before Nico could add anything, patting Nico's back, "Let her have fun tonight. 'Cause you know, we are finally free, tonight! " Percy finished off the sentence in an obnoxious singsong voice. Nico had so many replies prepared for Percy's comment, but he swallowed each one of them. All of his energy was spent on trying not to consciously think about Percy's hand on his shoulder. 

When Jason brought him a glass of rum and coke, he accepted and downed it in one go. He gave a one-over to his surroundings, wondering what his other friends were up to. 

Frank was at a distance, holding a conversation with Leo and his elaborate hand gestures. Frank had a slight annoyed frown on his face, which made sense when Leo was the one doing the talking. Annabeth was by the counter, talking animatedly to Will and one other girl Nico didn't recognize. He couldn't locate Piper, and wondered why she hadn't come, before remembering something about a movie premier or something she was supposed to attend tonight. 

His wandering eyes found and settled on Percy at last, who looked apprehensive, almost jumpy. Knowing Percy wouldn't be the one to start the conversation, he decided to spare the man some more apprehension and asked, "What, Percy?" 

"I know we've talked about it like a million times, but are you sure about the break?" Percy said it all in a breath and a half. "You could just get a temporary replacement, you know." 

Nico rolled his eyes and from the corner of his eyes noticed Jason do the same. This again. When Percy said they'd talked about it like a million times, it had been only slightly an exaggeration. Percy's guilt at taking a break from the band was so apparent since his default expression these days matched a dog who was grounded for chewing their owner's shoes. That, and the fact that during "random" conversations he'd "discreetly" slip in some bassists who were more than willing to fill in his shoes for the time being. 

The band had been a manifestation of Percy's childhood dream of playing in a band someday. Two years ago, he had assembled a ragtag group of friends and convinced them to form "The Olympians". From convincing his mom to let him use their garage for practice to getting them small gigs in the cafes and bars, Percy had put his heart and soul into it. 

And when Percy had decided to take a break, it felt only right to wait for him to catch up. 

Jason decided to speak for the both of them. "We wouldn't be doing it if it was a bother to us," he said. "Also, you're the bassist and the lead singer, do you know how hard it would be to find a replacement? I absolutely hate to say this, but you're kinda important to the band. It's really annoying." Jason topped it all off with a disgusted face. 

Even if this earned Jason an elbow to his ribs, Nico could see how Percy's shoulders relaxed and his eyes regained his usual shine. 

When Percy didn't say anything, Jason decided to continue. "Right, that's settled then. Next drinks are on me." 

"Oh, I'd love to stay, but I've got to run an early errand tomorrow"—Percy looked at his wristwatch—"Er—today, apparently." 

"Alright then. Looks like it's just you and me, Neeks," Jason slid an arm around him, but Nico was quick to pull out of it. 

"Actually, I'm heading home too, so it's just you and you. And don't call me Neeks!" he huffed. 

Jason shrugged and walked towards the counter, his laughter blending with a string of "Okay Neeks. Alright Neeks. Definitely not, Neeks. I'll keep that in mind, Neeks. Have a good night, Neeks." 

Man, he really needed new friends. Which would be a shame, given that this lot had started growing on him. 

As Nico headed for the exit, he saw Percy drape his jacket over Annabeth, revealing a blue hoodie that would have brought out his eyes had it not been for the dim lights in the bar. It made him more aware than ever of the December cold and his regret on not bringing a jacket. He could also see Annabeth smile and kiss Percy on the cheek— a gesture so sweet it would have warmed his heart, if not for the— Do not think about that! 

Nico was contemplating slipping past them without anyone noticing when he felt a hand on his shoulder. 

"C'mon, I'll walk you home," Nico heard Will's voice call out to him from behind, speaking directly to him for the first time that evening. Tearing his eyes from the couple, Nico turned to Will. 

"It's just a couple of blocks away from here Will," Nico let some amusement into his voice, "I hardly need a chaperone." 

"Well then Mr. Star of the night, I'll walk you a couple blocks away from here," Will huffed, and Nico gave a tiny shrug, letting Will lead the way. 

"You were great tonight," Will said as they walked through the street. Whether it was a stupid attempt to make a small talk or a genuine compliment, Nico didn't know. Knowing Will, it was probably the latter. 

"As opposed to the other nights when I was not so great?" Nico teased, reveling in satisfaction when Will's he saw Will's cheeks turn into a cute shade of red, even under the dim streetlights. It was one of the things he liked about Will, how easily he could be flustered. 

"I didn't— That's not what I— Oh shut up!" Will sputtered, making Nico laugh harder. 

When Nico had met Will— a gangly fifteen year old insecure mess of a high schooler— he hadn't been too impressed. It wasn't until a year into their tentative (forced) friendship that Nico had actually started warming up to the guy and discovered more and more than insecurities and flushed cheeks. Now, almost six years later, Will had become one of Nico's favourite people. 

Even though there were times when he didn't know what to think of him. 

"I mean it though, you were great today— Nope, don't you dare, di Angelo!" Will held his hands up in warning when Nico opened his mouth to reuse the old joke he'd just said a few moments ago. Nico couldn't do more than smile and mutter a thanks. 

"So how's the job hunt going?" Will asked once both their silent laughter had subsided. Nico shrugged, hoping to dodge the question and not remember tonight how messed up his life was at the moment, but Will didn't seem to want to take the hint. "You know my offer still stands if you ever change your mind—" 

"—I'm not working at your bookshop handling a position you clearly made up just out of convenience for me." 

"Hey! Professional dustboy is a legit position. Also, all positions and jobs and were made up at some point." 

When his friends had heard of his termination at his last job, they'd jumped in and offered their suggestions. While some ideas had been helpful and sounded like someone had actually spent a few braincells coming up with them, most of them had been pretty ridiculous. "I'm not gonna sign up for a sugar daddy, Valdez!"

Somehow, that hadn't been the worst idea on the table. 

Will's idea had made most sense out of all them. He'd inherited the bookshop two years ago and currently was running it with his sister who was taking a gap year from her studies. Will's pre-med classes and the university made it difficult for him to actively dedicate his time to the shop, but Nico knew he made it a point to at least check in every other day or so. 

Which is how Nico also knew they didn't need any more people working at the shop. Will was a nice person, and he was definitely the kind who would offer their friends a job if they needed one, even if they didn't have an opening.

And while Nico had been grateful, he didn't quite entertain the idea of one of his friends signing his paychecks. Nico had promised himself he wouldn't accept the job unless he was really, really desperate. 

"I'm not sure if Professional dustboy fits my aesthetic as perfectly as a ghostwriter, to be honest. And I'm thinking of focusing on freelancing for the time being." Liar.

"Of course, I understand," Will said, shifting his hands into his pockets, "Those erotica won't write themselves after all." 

"Hey I don't just write eroti— whatever!" Nico huffed in annoyance, making Will laugh only harder. "I'm still not sure, but I promise I'll think about it, alright?" 

"Hmm. Okay ghost king, I'll hold you to that."

They stopped by Nico's apartment building and when Will turned to say his goodbyes, he looked at Will properly for the second time that evening. A smidge of ink had left a stain on Will's left cheek (he must have been walking around with it the whole evening). Nico wondered if anyone had told him about it. They probably hadn't. He decided not to, either.

"Don't be a stranger. I've missed you, you know," Will added as he waved a goodbye and started walking away. He said it not as an afterthought, but matter-of-factly, as though he were merely commenting on the weather.

The sky is clear today, isn't it? Reckon its gonna be like this for the next few days. Oh, and I've missed you. 

"Uh yeah, you too." 

The proof of my love, you ask? Is the fact that the blood is running in your veins and not trailing like a waterfall down your sweet neckline not enough?

Nope. 

I destroyed anyone who came between us and I'd do it all over again. For you. I'm not scared of that. What I'm scared of, is that even if you told me to stop, I wouldn't want to.

Nope. Even worse. 

I could destroy your soul and watch from sidelines as you crumble from inside and blow away into nothingness like ashes from a pyre. But I won't. Because I love you. 

Okay that's plain creepy. 

Nico let out a deep sigh as he followed the old pattern of typing and deleting the sentence. A part of him was really glad for the technological advancements that didn't have him tearing off the page and crumpling it into the garbage bin like they did in the movies. Although that did sound pretty fun.

What was up with him tonight? 

Romance Ghostwriter needed: 3 part dark romance cliffhanger series. 11-12k words/part 

When he'd won the bid and taken in the project, Nico had been so sure it would be a piece of cake for him.

Romance? Bring it on. Dark? His aesthetic. Cliffhanger? He lived for the stuff. 

It was only when he had sat down and actually started writing he'd realized how exhausting getting even a sentence typed would be. 

The story had started out great, even if he said so himself. He'd developed the premise without giving anything major away, and the suspense looked promising. The first hurdle however, was developing romance between the mafia ringleader and a local cop's daughter who was currently kidnapped by the ringleader's henchmen. And the romance is supposed to be dark, di Angelo, not straight up toxic! 

He'd written last sentence an hour ago, and somehow it was worse than what he'd written about two hours before that. Nico had been staring at his laptop screen for a solid hour, his hands hovering at the keyboard as if the words would magically type themselves. But he still wasn't able to focus. 

Maybe the break from The Olympians was getting to him more than he let on. 

A break from the band meant he'd be seeing his friends less often, and practice songwriting less. On the plus side, it would give him more time to look for a new job. And it's not like they were famous or anything; outside the university, they played mostly at bars and on some events hosted by their friends of friends. They had had a total of three interviews during their whole career— two for a campus magazine and once for the... uhh... well, he didn't even remember now. 

But someday they could be big. Nico knew his bandmates didn't care about being famous— Jason and Frank were perfectly happy where they were. Even Percy, who had dreamed of this as a child, had grown out of his fantasies and just played for fun. But Nico, he wanted them to go big someday. 

He found it hard not to be bitter about Percy leaving even if the poor guy was drowning in guilt. The band had meant so much to him and he wouldn't have done it if he could help it. It's something I have to do before I lose my courage again, you know, Percy had said.

Maybe it wasn't about the fact that they were taking a break so much as why Percy was leaving. But now was not the time to think about that. He had a deadline to meet and 20k worth of words to type. 

Take a deep breath, he said to himself. C'mon, you can do it. 

With a new surge of energy, he sat down and started typing. 

I wish your love was like a drug, maybe then I'd find myself being addicted to it.

That's fucking it. This was clearly a sign that he needed to call it a night. Even dark romance filled nightmares seemed more alluring than the reality where he actually thought of and typed these cringey lines. 

Nico closed his laptop without bothering to shut it down and checked his phone. Apparently he had it on silent since he hadn't noticed his message notification go off— once about thirty minutes ago and one ten minutes ago. The first message was from Percy. 

From: Percy
Heyy, great show 2nite!
I know i said it already but m really srry we had to be on hiatus 
but ill see u around Neeks!!! Luv u man

From the notification bar he saw that the other message was from Will, but Nico didn't care about that. His eyes kept returning and rereading the last three words from Percy's text. Those words, those misspelled, carelessly typed words somehow seemed to hold more beauty in them than anything he had written for the past three hours. More beauty than anything he could ever hope to write. 

Love, he decided, turned people into hypocrites.