Chapter Text
She cleans her hands on the tea towel hanging from her shoulder, baby blue with small red strawberries. She picks up the ringing phone without looking at it. She brings it to her ear and holds it with her shoulder against her face whilst she walks towards the oven, oven mitts matching the tea towel in her hand. “Hello?” She says cheerfully.
She opens the door to the oven. Steam floats out and hits her in the face, she breaths in the sweet smell, perfectly cooked, she smiles excited. No one replies on the other side of the line. “Hello?” She repeats. Still Izzie Stevens is met only with more silence. “Hello, is anyone there?” She asks again, placing the tray of just-baked muffins on the kitchen counter. “Iz?” A voice she recognises finally answers, it sends a chill through her spine as if someone had opened a window and the cold air had sneaked in through her top, blowing softly from the small of her back to the top of her neck. She picks the phone with her right hand, as her breathing races. “Alex?” She manages to mutter to the cold device in her hand. “Hey.”
The room spins around her, and she has to rest her free hand on the kitchen counter to compose herself. “Is everything okay?” A sudden dread takes over her. “Yeah… I mean… It’s Meredith. She’s okay… she’s fine, she’s just in trouble, she has done something stupid trying to save a patient, a little girl, and she might lose her license. She is doing some community service picking up trash off the street.” He blurts out before he can stop to catch air and chicken out. Izzie breaks up laughing, that laugh of hers, he has never been able to forget it, yet he realises now how much the memory of hers has paled in his mind over all these years. “Of course she’d be trash-picking to save the world.” He joins her, a deep, heart-felt laugh erupts from his chest. “Really, it is something you would have done. You should see her.” She laughs louder. He imagines her picking trash on the side of the road, chin up, proud of herself. “Yeah, doing stupid shit and risking my license definitely sounds like something I would do.” She is laughing so hard her stomach hurts.
She’s been speaking to her ex-husband for all five minutes and it feels like no time has passed at all. She’s already in tears, happy tears. Has it really been ten years? “She’s been suspended and there’s this trial… I’m just… I’m just trying to get testimonials of people that worked with her.” He continues when he finally gains control of himself and manages to stop the laughter. He struggles to get out the words he has rehearsed in his head so many times. The truth seems to be probing his brain, kicking and screaming, eager to be finally told. He tells her the excuse he has prepared beforehand instead. “I was, just… I thought maybe you could, you know, maybe you could write something nice about her, help her case.” She smiles, warmed by the thought of him thinking about her even if only so she could help out Meredith. She imagines them both together, in dark blue scrubs smiling to each other, sharing some inside joke. She is glad they’re still there for each other. “Of course, of course I could. Yeah, sure. When do you need it for-”
“Great green gobs of greasy, grimy gopher guts, marinated monkey meat. Dirty little birdie feet!” A litte girl’s voice hums in the back, giggling. Izzie’s heart jump up on her chest, startled, mortified. Alex laughs again. “Nice song.” He recognises the lyrics from first grade. “So… you have kids?” He asks, still amused at the little girl’s voice. He pictures a cute mini version of Izzie, blond and with the most beautiful brown eyes. She takes a deep breath, her heart threatening to jump off her chest onto her mouth, spilling all over the chocolate muffins. She wants to scream, cry out loud. She’s imagined this conversation so many times before, but it has never gone this way. She ponders all the different scenarios in her head, what she could say and how he would react, but she finds herself unable to materialise any words. How can she rock his life like this. She finds herself lost in a sea of silence, only broken by the faint sound of his breathing on the other side of the phone line, miles away. “Yes, two. Twins.” She tries hard to hide the trembling of her vocal cords, she is unsure she’s succeed.
He nods, of course she does. He had always known that, then why does he feel this way? What is it he is feeling? Is is disappointment? Jealousy? “That’s good. I am happy for you.” He says finally, pushing the tenacious thoughts to the side, tucked away, where they have been for a decade. “Do you?” She asks, breaking the awkward silence it has formed between the two phone lines. “Nah. No kids.” She nods, relieved? But you’re married she wants to say. She’s known he remarried for a while. She’s always thought he would have had kids by now. She should ask, it’ll be the natural thing to follow up with, still, somehow she can’t bring herself to, can’t bear hearing him confirm it, speak about her, the woman he loves.
“Mummy, can we have the muffins yet?” The same girl asks.
“Is this a bad a time?” Alex asks, Izzie shakes her head. “Oh, no.” She waves her daughter away from the hot muffins, faint, slow steam still coming off them, and brings her right index finger to her lips. “It’s fine, seriously. How can I forward it to you-” “Mum! Can we eat them already?” A boy asks impatient, interrupting her again. Alex suddenly feels out of place, like an invader .
“I should go, Izzie, this is clearly not a good time. I just-“ ”No, Alex, hold on.” She pulls the phone down and covers the microphone with her hands.
“Okay you two, go wash your hands first. Properly.” Both of them rush up the stairs in between giggles.
“Sorry about that.” She apologies, she doesn’t want to end the conversation, she has waited so long to hear his voice again. But she knows she doesn’t have long before the twins come back downstairs demanding their baked goods. “No, it’s okay. I’m sorry. I’m sorry to call you like this… I was… I don’t know… I don’t think I was expecting you to answer if I’m honest.” He says genuinely, relieved she has. She smiles gently, thinks of his face on the other side of the line, she imagines some fine lines in his handsome face, salt and pepper hair. She sighs emotionally. She knows this is the perfect opportunity to talk to him, to tell him. But she does not know what to say. She needs to tell him though, she can’t just not.
“How are you, anyway?” He breaks the silence this time. She knows what he means. Last time he saw her she was recovering from a very aggressive form of cancer. “I’m good, Alex. I have been clean ever since.” Her words dig deeper than he expects, he feels tears building up in his eyes. He pictures her limp in his arms, an image that still haunts his dreams. She is a fricking miracle. And he can’t be prouder. “I’m so glad, Iz.” She shivers at the sound of her name in his lips. Alex wipes a tear from his cheek.
She hears her own children stomping on the wooden stairs, on the way down to the kitchen. She does not have the time, they can’t have this conversation right now. “Alex, can I call you a different time? I’ll sort out Meredith’s letter and I can maybe call you tomorrow?” He was sensing the end to their conversation was coming up, but it doesn’t pain him any less when she initiates the goodbyes. “Yeah, yeah of course. You have my number now.” Like that has been the reason she has not made contact for over a decade, the fact that she did not know his number. He feels stupid. “Good, thanks. I’ll speak to you tomorrow then.” He doesn’t want to hung up, he doesn’t want to stop listening to her voice. “Okay.” He eventually says against his will. He pulls the phone away from his ear before he hears his name again.
“Alex!” She shouts back at him. “Yeah?” He brings his phone back to his ear swiftly, pushing it hard, as if that will bring him closer to her. She opens her mouth ready to speak up, but the words seem to get lost on the way, as if blown away by a draft or tucked away for so long, in the dark, they can’t find their way out anymore, even with the cage door wide open. “It’s so good to hear your voice.” She says instead, stupidly. Tears are building up in her eyes, she notices. She closes them tightly, her chest so tight it hurts. “Yeah, yours too.” He is smiling wide because it truly is, her voice has lighted him up from within. He puts the phone down. The line cracks right after. And his voice fades into the dark, black empty abyss where it has been for all these years.
Eli runs into the kitchen and hugs her legs. “Who was that?” His bright brown eyes looking up at her. Your dad, she wants to tell them. She has been waiting for this moment for five years, and now that she’s here she can’t bring herself to accept it. “Just an old friend.” She says instead. Alexis is climbing up the kitchen stool and she dips her tiny finger in the melted chocolate on top of one of the muffins. Eli joins her, grinning so wide you can see his small perfect teeth, his lips crooked to the side just like his dad’s. She sees Alex’s face smiling in front of her so vividly she wants to cry.