Chapter Text
Edward was relieved to see Sara enter the workshop, immediately abandoning the code he had been working on all morning and going over to her. There was an uneasiness about her, though, causing him to worry (even more than he already had been) that her visit to the doctor may have brought some terrible news. Better not to assume out loud, he reminded himself. It might just -- no, it would inevitably make her more uncomfortable if he started speculating what she may or may not have before she even uttered a word.
“Ah, My Darling Devinette!” Edward said with a bright smile and motioned to her coat. “Allow me.”
Sara handed him her coat and bag, offering a soft, “thanks,” and he placed them on a table nearby as she went to sit on the couch. The meekness in her voice almost tore his heart to pieces. It wasn’t cancer, right? That was the first thought he had, and no, he wouldn’t abandon her -- quite the opposite! He’d make sure she would get the treatment required from the most skilled doctors in Gotham -- or the whole country .
“So, what did the doctor say?” Edward asked as he sat down next to Sara, placing a hand over hers and (barely) maintaining a positive attitude despite his internal panic.
“Well, um...I kind of lied to you,” Sara admitted, avoiding Edward’s now troubled gaze as she rubbed the back of her neck with her opposite hand. “I wasn’t getting a cold or the flu….”
“Ok?” he said, not sure where this was going, but he now felt worse .
It was something awful, Edward suspected, an intense, unrelenting fear beginning to seize him. It was cancer, wasn’t it? Or something worse? Oh, God, what could be worse? Was it life-threatening? No, no, no, it couldn’t be. No way it could be! He’d...why, he’d...if she were to...He couldn’t even think it, not even for a millisecond.
“It’s...it’s a different...a different type of infection,” Sara continued, chewing on her lower lip.
“What kind?” he asked, leaning a little closer to her, his heart racing in his chest.
“Umm...vaginal.”
There was a pause.
“As in a yeast infection?” Edward asked, feeling more befuddled now than distressed.
Yeast infections were a common issue for women, and those could even be treated in a few days with over-the-counter medications. Nothing to be alarmed over, and certainly not the reason Sara was so beside herself. There was more to this, Edward realized, and he started to panic again.
“Uh, not...exactly,” Sara said, her cheeks turning bright pink. “There’s really no easy way to say this but….it’s a bacterial infection.”
“Like...an STD?” he said, baffled. “Impossible! Neither of us has had a partner in years --”
“No, no, it’s not an STD. But on the topic of being clean….”
“Yes?”
Sara looked Edward over with a pained expression. Lying to Edward wasn’t going to do either of them any good, and there was no way she could come up with a convincing lie (she was god awful at lying, and he was far too perceptive). But the fact remained that this was going to be unpleasant for him to hear -- to put it very mildly -- and the weight of the guilt she felt at being the one to have to tell him was practically suffocating her.
“Edward, it’s….it’s because you don’t shower much,” Sara said, her jaw tightening as she waited for him to react.
At first, Edward just stared at Sara, perplexed as his mind carefully processed what she had said to him. When he finally came to terms with what she had told him, his eyes widened in shock as he let out a gasp, looking down at himself, then to her crotch, the color draining from his face. Removing his hand from hers, he covered his mouth, standing up from the couch and going over to a workbench. Placing his hands on the cold surface, he now started to feel his face heat up with humiliation.
No way this was happening! No way that...that this was...Oh, how could he have let this happen? How?! He’d given the only person who ever loved him -- the only person he’d ever love --- a vaginal infection due to his unkempt ways? It had never crossed his brilliant mind once that failing to shower regularly would lead to such a degrading issue, primarily because he never had anyone around to tell him otherwise. The last time he had been physically intimate before Sara came along was years ago, when he did keep himself clean and tidy on a daily basis.
It started out simple, with missing a day here and there as his obsession with his work (and defeating Batman) grew, then he ended up skipping multiple days in a row on numerous occasions, sometimes choosing to just splash his tired face with water to wake himself up as sleep threatened to overtake him. Showering became a trivial matter, just like rest and eating proper meals. They all were pushed aside as he buried himself in his work, having nothing and no one else to bother with.
Now he had Sara in his life, someone who actually made him feel not just appreciated and respected, but loved and wanted. Desired, even. And here he was making a fool of himself!
“I’m...I’m so sorry,” Edward said, mortified. “I...I didn’t…I didn’t mean for this...”
“It’s ok, Eddie,” Sara said gently as she stood and moved towards him, hoping to provide some comfort. “I’m not angry, and this is something that will clear up soon.”
And she did mean it. Yes, it did sting, burn, and itch “down there,” and peeing was beyond uncomfortable, but she wasn’t dying. This was just a minor inconvenience, something that would clear up in no time. By the end of the week, she would probably feel almost completely back to normal.
Reaching out to place a hand on Edward’s shoulder, Sara was taken aback when he shrugged her off. It only took her a second to realize why, and she felt her heart break in two. Yes, she had to bring it up so he would shower and thus prevent this from happening again -- not to mention, it would be good for him and his mental health to keep clean and fresh -- but she knew it was a huge blow to his pride.
And it was, but Edward didn’t blame Sara. He knew why she had to tell him, and he was glad she did or else this would happen again, and he couldn’t live with that. How could he be so disgusting? How could he be so stupid? How could he be so ignorant? How could he be so careless? Not even Batman could bring him to feel such immense shame and self-loathing at that moment. He wanted to simply die on the spot.
How could he look Sara in the eye again? Sure, she said she wasn’t upset, didn’t sound upset, and maybe wasn’t upset. But what about tomorrow? Or the next day? What if she woke up and realized she was sleeping with a gross “man-child” and left him? What if she told him she found him vile and never wanted him to touch her again, even in a friendly manner? What if she mocked and laughed at him for his predicament? What if she told him she hated him for doing this to her, and that she regretted ever meeting him?
And it would be all his fault.
“Is...is it painful?” he asked over his shoulder, his hands feeling numb and his heart thumping loudly in his chest.
“Um, a bit,” Sara said with a shrug. “I’ve had yeast infections before, so it’s no worse than those. The doctor said it will fully clear up within two weeks--”
“TWO WEEKS?!”
Edward whirled around, a horrified expression on his face. Two weeks?! Might as well have been two months, or two years. Not having sex for a period of time wasn’t the issue. He’d been involuntarily celibate for years and lived to tell the tale, so he could endure a couple of weeks without intercourse. The problem was that Sara was going to have to deal with the infection he caused for almost two weeks . Not two days, not two hours...two weeks . He was causing his beloved pain for two weeks? In her most private area? All because he didn’t bother cleaning himself up on a daily basis like a normal, healthy, sane person?
“Eddie, I’m not mad at you,” Sara assured him, silently praying she would get through to him somehow, some way. “It’s not your fault. I mean, we were both kind of horny that day after we confessed feelings for each other, and just sort of...got to it. I didn’t even think of something like this happening. I just...wanted you .”
Edward remembered that day, which was a week ago. They had fumbled over their words due to shyness and overwhelming fear that they’d reject one another, but when they found out their feelings were reciprocated, things escalated pretty quickly. They had both been alone and touch-starved for years, longing for intimacy but never seeking it because of poor (and hurtful) experiences in the past.
Finally finding comfort in another’s embrace awoke so many deeply buried emotions and desires within the both of them, and they had their first coupling on one of the cleanest workbenches he had -- which also had a cloth on top, thankfully, to provide Sara with extra comfort. There was no way Edward would have his first intimate encounter with the love of his life on a cold, dirty, cluttered metal table!
Although, that precaution didn’t do anything to prevent him from giving her a vaginal infection, and he mentally sobbed at how much of an incompetent, selfish, foul lover he was. All this time he worried about whether or not he was skilled enough to please her, and here he was wondering if he was civilized enough to deserve her. How did it come to this, of all things?
Sara had to lighten the mood somehow, distract Edward from his own insecurities before he slouched down in a chair and sulked the entire night. Granted, this could backfire but if she could make him laugh, make him see this was actually a minor issue, something that was easily remedied and their relationship didn’t have to change, then he may be able to relax … just a little.
“Hey, now,” Sara said as she wrapped her arms around Edward from behind. “You’re still my favorite handsome genius.”
Edward let out a soft chuckle at that, but it sounded more bitter than anything.
“A genius I am, yes,” he said, with a heavy sigh. “But I went and gave you a...all because I...don’t bathe enough. Why didn’t I realize it sooner? I should have taken you in the shower the first time we, um…” He cleared his throat. “...when we uh….you know.”
“Fucked?” Sara quipped with a smirk.
That made Edward not only blush, but he finally turned around to face her, clearly startled by her choice of words.
“Must you interpret it in such a … vulgar manner?” he asked, and it seemed like she was able to distract him from his self-destructive thoughts for the time being.
“How would you interpret it?” she asked, wiggling her eyebrows.
“Uh, well...more like...you know!”
“Do I?”
As frustrated and beet-red as he was, Edward was feeling shy more than anything else, and he couldn’t help but pout a little. Did she have to be so…. devious?
“Made love…” Edward said quietly, looking away as he swallowed audibly.
“Sorry?” Sara teased, tilting her head to the side.
“Made love, ok?!” he hissed, the blush now creeping down his neck. “I interpret it as we made love.”
“You’re so sweet.”
“Sweet? More like a walking, talking, thinking, breathing biohazard…”
“Oh my, God, Eddie, it’s not like you have the plague!” Sara said, exasperated, then she cupped Edward’s thin face in her hands. “ Stop worrying because you have nothing to worry about.”
“But you...you won’t…?”
“I won’t, what, Eddie? Come on, tell me….”
“You won’t leave me?” he asked in the softest, most timid voice.
“Over this? No way!”
“You...you’re sure?”
“Of course I am! It would take a lot more than this to make me stop loving you, Eddie.”
Edward finally smiled, an adorably dopey smile that made Sara’s heart melt. A part of him still had doubt, a little irritating voice that took pleasure in humiliating and insulting him, bringing him down to nothingness. However, the loving expression on his beloved’s face, the tenderness in her smile, and the warmth in her gaze were (slowly) proving to be effective at quieting that cruel and insecure part of him. She loved and accepted him as he was, despite his many (many, many ) flaws. Never before had he known such kindness, not from his parents, not from his peers, not from co-workers, and certainly not from the bothersome Bat and his little brats.
As much as Edward wanted to say something in return, his shyness prevented him from doing so, leaving him to stare down at Sara with the most adoring look in his eyes. And it was enough for her, more than enough (Not to mention she understood how difficult it could be to be vulnerable, even with the people you loved).
“Now, why don’t we go have a nice, hot shower together, hmmm?” Sara offered, loosely wrapping her arms around his neck. “Make you my favorite handsome, squeaky clean genius? And maybe I can help distract you from your troubled thoughts using more….entertaining methods.”
Edward knew what Sara was referring to, and for a split second he was excited, but then he remembered....
“I cannot ask you to do anything of the sort for me,” Edward said, sadness filling him once more. “I can’t….I can’t….pleasure you back since you, um…since...and, I...I don’t want you to...”
“Well, I think I have an idea,” Sara said, a grin spreading across her face. “Have you ever heard of nipple orgasms?”
Edward’s eyes widened and his cheeks started turning bright red again.
“Uh, wh-what?” he said.
“Nipple orgasms,” Sara repeated with a shrug. “Apparently they’re a thing.”
“Have you...experienced any?”
“No, I have not...however, I think a super sexy genius like yourself can figure out how to get me to have one...or two...or three.”
Sara winked at Edward, and he started to feel some of his confidence return. Yes, he still felt self-conscious over giving his lover an infection due to his poor hygiene but now she had given him a challenge, an experiment, an enigma! And he was going to solve it. Sure, it wasn’t the usual riddle he liked to partake in but it was certainly one of the more stimulating ones.
“Oh, I shall give you what you want, My Dear,” Edward said with a wicked little smirk. “Be careful what you wish for, though…”
“Oh, you’re going to kill me with orgasms?” Sara asked with a giggle.
“No...just drive you a little bit mad with them.”
Sara pulled Edward in for a kiss before she took his hand and led him to the bathroom, humming contentedly to herself. He’d give her what she wanted that night and every night and day after. It wouldn’t be easy, but he’d do everything he could to be an exceptional lover to her, and maybe one day, he’d finally feel worthy of such a precious little enigma.