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It’s an offhand comment one morning, early enough in the day that Naruto thinks about it for hours and hours after. It’s a playful tease, he thinks, but one that immediately fills him with memory after memory of instances both small and large and immeasurable.
His office is a bit crowded, several of his best Jounin awaiting assignments for missions and tasks from his Anbu captain. Kiba is excitedly telling Sai something, and Lee is puzzling beside Shikamaru, who is explaining something about something or other. Naruto isn’t listening, really.
“Does that sound good?” Sasuke’s voice says beside him, fingers very lightly brushing the nape of Naruto’s neck.
Naruto looks up at him, blinks, and then nods. He’s taken aback a moment by Sasuke’s closeness, by how lovely he is in the early light. “Yeah. Yeah, right.”
Sasuke nods. “Your assignments,” he says, holding up a manila folder.
“I think after this we should all have a long weekend,” Kiba says, taking the folder and opening it. He selects the paper on the top. “I’m beat.”
“You do nothing,” Sai says quietly, taking the next paper.
Shikamaru is handed a scroll, which he pockets. “Peace is kind of a drag.”
Sasuke sets one hand on Naruto’s desk and leans against it. “I kind of like it,” he says quietly.
Lee excitedly shakes the sheet of paper he has received. “I will be visiting Sunagakure! Oh, I’m so excited to see—“
Shikamaru quirks a knowing brow at him.
“…Lord Kazekage,” Lee mumbles, his face tinting red.
“You guys falling in love with Sand Ninja. Hah,” Kiba huffs.
Sakura opens the door then, and Lee’s metaphorical tail begins wagging excitedly, his embarrassment washed away. “Sakura! How good to see you!”
“Hi, Lee,” she says brightly, glancing from him to Sasuke, and then Naruto. “Almost done?”
“Yeah. The guys have work to do,” Naruto says, smiling as his four friends start filing out of his office, still teasing Lee, talking about a long weekend. Naruto runs his hand over his desk, over to where Sasuke’s is. He tangles their pinky and ring fingers, and Sasuke glances down at him.
“Gaara wants to see you soon,” Sasuke says.
“Kay. You coming too?”
“Can’t have you traveling the countryside alone. You’d wind up in a ditch somewhere tripping over your own feet.”
“We’ll bring Lee and Shika, too.”
Sasuke shakes his head, still smiling softly. He looks over at Sakura as she approaches the desk. “Make sure he finishes these reports for the Land of Waves today.”
“Yes, Captain,” Sakura says with a smile.
“Hey!” Naruto cries.
“And you really need a haircut, Naruto. You’re starting to look like the Fourth,” Sakura adds.
“Hey!!”
“That’s a compliment.” Sasuke smiles down at him, folding his hand over Naruto’s for a quick squeeze before he slides away from the desk. “I need to speak with Kakashi. I’ll see you tonight.”
“Okay,” Naruto says, watching Sasuke leave. He feels that pull in his chest, to go after him as he always has. It’s quieter these days, but it’s something he can’t help. He scratches his nails over the sun mark on his palm, settling in his resolve and his trust. Sasuke’s not going anywhere, and Naruto has work to do.
Sakura sighs, sitting herself on the edge of Naruto’s desk. She looks him over slowly, carefully, until he feels the urge to squirm away from it.
“Good morning?” He says.
“Doesn’t it bother you, Naruto?” She asks finally.
“Huh?”
“That Sasuke doesn’t have a romantic bone in his body,” she continues. “Does it bother you?”
“I… what?”
“He didn’t even kiss you goodbye! He’s hardly ever affectionate with you. And if I remember correctly you told me the last date he took you on you went for a walk in the woods. As if we don’t do that all the time,” Sakura sighs. “I don’t know. Doesn’t it bother you that he doesn’t have a romantic bone in his body?”
It’s an absent comment. A tease, he thinks. Playful. But it makes something itch in Naruto’s palm, has his mind fuzzing at the edges for a moment.
And he thinks, and remembers, and feels overwhelmed by it.
*
First, there’s the obvious, the immediate. Naruto thinks of the Land of Waves. He thinks of Sasuke full of needles, using his body like a shield for Naruto. How Sasuke had seemed so confused, overwhelmed by how he didn’t even have to think before he protected Naruto—a boy who he was barely even friends with at the time.
He thinks about Sasuke using his body as a cushion between Naruto and a tree, before Gaara was their friend. When he was actively trying to kill them, in fact. Naruto thinks of how it wouldn’t have been that serious, but Sasuke… Maybe his body just moved on its own again.
Sasuke deflecting kunai meant for Naruto. Sasuke calling his name, fevered and feral with protectiveness. Sasuke using a jutsu he had once used against Naruto to keep him safe. Sasuke in front of him, between him and harm, beside him, unafraid.
Naruto thinks of that until his mind finds something else.
-
Naruto thinks of coming home, later than he ever wants to be home. He thinks of feeling bone tired from a long day, knowing he should have been home hours ago just making it worse.
He thinks of going into the kitchen for a quick swig of milk when he finds a carefully wrapped plate in the fridge. It was noodles and steamed vegetables, chicken in some sticky looking sauce, and a small bit of rice. He thinks of looking at the sink, finding all the dishes cleaned and stacked, and then this little plate of food.
He thinks of walking into his room, faster than intended, to crawl onto the bed, to crawl on top of Sasuke. He thinks of Sasuke saying, sleepy and annoyed, “You didn’t eat,” before Naruto kissed the ever-loving hell out of him.
And then he thinks of it happening again, and again, if Sasuke was home before him and capable of cooking. He thinks of dozens of meals waiting for him.
-
A few times since the beginning of their relationship, Naruto would wake up alone. Only a few times. Sometimes he would come home, to a home where Sasuke should be, and find it empty. He thinks of those times, how they used to be filled with panic, despair, before Naruto would find a small note on his bedside table or the kitchen counter.
Gone to get breakfast. Be back soon.
You overslept. See you when I get back from Kirigakure.
Kakashi came by. Be home soon.
Training with Suigetsu. Meet us when you wake up.
Couldn’t sleep. Went to work early. See you soon.
We were out of miso. Start the rice. I’ll be home soon.
The soon always got to him. Naruto thinks about the hope that soon would fill him with. Sasuke made a habit of putting it into most of his notes. Naruto kept them all. He thinks of how that soon was a promise. He would see Sasuke again—he hadn’t run off, or been taken, or left. He was somewhere that Naruto could find, could wait for. Naruto liked the soon , but he always felt it wasn’t soon enough. It was like waiting for instant noodles to soak. Naruto thinks of that, and then he thinks of telling Sasuke how he’s like noodles.
-
Naruto thinks of not being able to breathe. He thinks of blacking out in the snow, waking up hours later feeling bruised all over, no one there to do anything to console him. He thinks of feeling like there were hands around his throat, feels the struggle to breathe like he’s being held underwater.
He thinks of the first time it happened, alone with Sasuke. A bad dream. He thinks of bolting upright, gasping for breath and crying when it wouldn’t come. He thinks of cool hands on his face, then arms around his shoulders and waist. He thinks of smelling Sasuke, hearing his voice through the roar of blood in his ears. He thinks of the feeling coming back to his hands, Sasuke’s warm skin under his palms. He thinks of being held, until long after he could draw breath again.
He thinks of his attacks, big and small, fewer and farther between but still present. And now, he thinks of Sasuke, holding his hand, petting his hair, kissing his face. It’s the simple closeness, the gentleness. He thinks of how effortlessly Sasuke can silence his fears, calm the storm in his chest that sometimes wakes for no good reason. Sometimes for completely valid reasons.
-
Being Hokage was his dream, and he loves it, but sometimes it is terribly stressful. Naruto thinks of one of those times, when he had several ninjas hurt on a mission he had deemed safe enough. He thinks of them in the hospital, Iruka leaving his office after a lecture that was more stern than forgiving.
He thinks of wanting to break down, hating feeling so helpless and stupid. He thinks of holding it together, in front of Sakura and Shikamaru and Kakashi.
He thinks of Sasuke’s hand gently settling on the small of his back. “You couldn’t have known. No one could. They came home, and that’s what matters.”
“Sasuke’s right, as usual,” Kakashi had said. “I’ll talk to Iruka.”
“You didn’t know they were gonna be ambushed, Naruto. This team was unprepared, and it’s not your fault,” Shikamaru said.
The reassurances were well-meaning, and they were just as important to Naruto as the scolding had been. But he thinks of Sasuke’s hand lingering, supporting all of Naruto’s weight with a barely-there touch. An anchor of comfort and strength.
He thinks of a dozen similar situations, when the world felt against him. He thinks of being exhausted, not knowing what to do in so many situations. He thinks of Sasuke’s hand finding a home at the small of his back, settling warm and gentle there. Sometimes without a word. Sometimes in front of countless people, sometimes just their friends. Sometimes in their quiet kitchen, late at night.
He thinks of Sasuke being there to comfort him, to give him strength and patience and support that no one else could come close to. He thinks of how Sasuke doesn’t ask for that support and encouragement back.
-
For being someone who talks so much , Naruto still struggles with saying things sometimes. He can’t form coherent sentences, maybe just can’t find the words to convey things that he feels that are so much .
Sasuke gets it, though. And he gets it so easily Naruto could swear the man can read minds.
He thinks about taking Sasuke’s hand, trying to tell him how much he loves him just because he feels like it. Not that he doesn’t say it plenty, but sometimes when he really has to say it, there’s too much of it. He thinks of squeezing Sasuke’s hand, looking up into his eyes and furrowing his brows because all speech capability has left him. He thinks of Sasuke’s smile in those moments, how he’ll trace his fingertips over the marks on Naruto’s cheek with such tenderness. He thinks of a touch of foreheads meeting, or lips, or being pulled into an embrace he didn’t have the brain cells to ask for.
He also thinks of not knowing how to comfort Sasuke sometimes, because for all the pain they’ve shared there are some things Naruto still doesn’t understand. He thinks of those times when Sasuke gets distant, tries to pull himself away as if his pain is something he doesn’t want Naruto to see.
Naruto will sit beside him quietly in those moments, sometimes touching him, sometimes waiting for Sasuke to come to him. After a while, even though Naruto has done virtually nothing, Sasuke will turn his face into Naruto’s neck, or lift his head off of Naruto’s chest, and very softly say, ‘Thank you’.
-
Naruto thinks of the bed he shares with Sasuke, and cold feet. He thinks of Sasuke coming home late in the night from a mission, still smelling like wild wind and the road, climbing into bed. He thinks of Sasuke hissing, grumbling in distaste as he tangles his legs with Naruto, wraps his arms around him and lets Naruto’s cold feet slide along his calves.
He thinks of doing the same thing to Sasuke, only Sasuke never has cold feet. It’s always Naruto getting into bed, trying to keep his ice cubes away from Sasuke’s own toes. It’s Sasuke who turns, slides their legs together and entangles them so Naruto has nowhere to be but in Sasuke’s arms.
It must mean something, that despite complaining every time, despite hating Naruto’s cold feet, Sasuke cuddles into him anyway.
-
Naruto thinks of onyx eyes, darker than the night sky with no moon. He thinks of them lingering for a moment, when Naruto’s just at the edge of paying attention. He thinks of how Sasuke could be across a room, right beside him, talking to someone else, but his eyes find Naruto. He looks when he thinks Naruto isn’t looking; which is surprisingly a lot. It’s while they eat ramen and Naruto excitedly regails Sasuke with his day, when Naruto is intently listening to something Kakashi Sensei is saying.
It’s in the quiet moments when they’re all alone. Naruto will feel just a little bit safer, a bit less alone. He’ll feel those onyx eyes on him, a tenderness threaded into that focus, that attention that no one else has ever given him.
And he thinks of how every time he picks his head up to look, Sasuke’s already looking at something else.
*
Naruto smiles softly then. He feels warm inside, curls his hand to a fist to scrape his nails over the sun on his palm.
“What?” Sakura asks. “What’s that face?”
“We do okay.”