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Peridots sparkling in the sun.
That’s the first memory he has.
He squints a bit, and realises that he is wrong. They are not exactly jewels; he finds himself gazing into sparkling green eyes framed by golden locks. A pretty smile paints the woman’s lips, as she looks at him with something that makes him feel warm and tingly.
Affection , he realises.
“Shall we go see Dad, Adrien?”
Adrien . That’s his name.
He takes an uncertain step towards the lady. His tiny feet shake a little; it is his first time walking, after all.
He somehow gains balance, and takes another eager step in her direction.
“Going good there, lovely,” the woman cheers him. “Come to me, sweetie. Come to Mom.”
Mom . The word has a nice ring to it.
“Ma-maman?” Even though his tongue stutters, the word comes to him naturally. He doesn’t know how he thinks of it. It is just as if it’s a truth that he holds close to his heart.
“Yes, dear,” Maman claps. “I am your maman and you’re my cabbage.” She sends a flying kiss, “My sunshine.” Another flying kiss, “My son.”
Another step. And yet another.
This time, however, his balance wavers, and he falls.
His knees scrape against the ground, and they hurt. Tears fill his eyes as Adrien searches for his Mom’s comforting hug and soft lullabies that can help soothe the pain.
“Gosh, you’re such a disappointment, Adrien.”
Her words catch him by jarring surprise.
“Ma-maman?”
“You can never be the perfect child. You can never be an Agreste.”
No. She is wrong.
He wants to prove her wrong.
Wants to show her that he can stand on his own two feet and be the perfect Agreste she will be proud of.
“She should’ve let you go, just like the ones before you~”
The eerie, sinister voice sends chills down his spine. Adrien looks up, only to find Maman even further away than she was. He struggles to get up to his feet, a heavy weight inside him keeping him down. His efforts go to waste, and he can only watch as Maman goes further and further away.
Willing himself to move, Adrien resists the force holding him down and tries to start crawling. He is able to move a bit, but that is when he feels something claw inside him.
It catches him by surprise, and the next thing he knows, the thing is wrapping its hold around his throat. Adrien feels his air supply cut off -- he gasps in an attempt to breathe, but it is futile. His throat burns as he coughs and chokes. Darkness starts creeping into his vision as the world goes blurry, and he all but claws at the invisible grip that intends to kill him.
Something inside him twists, creaks and there is a crash, and a sharp pain jolts up his spine as the darkness suddenly takes over…
He wakes up with a jolt.
His skin is clammy, breaths heavy, heart racing a marathon within his chest. He impulsively lifts a shaky hand to his throat, finding no tight grip there.
The sigh of relief that leaves him makes it easier for him to breathe.
His eyes flit around, taking in the darkness that engulfs his surroundings, save for the weak light of the night lamp above his head. And in this weak light, his gaze lands upon the petite woman who rests by his side peacefully.
His wife, Marinette.
Seeing her soft smile drives all his worries away. Adrien shifts to lay on his side, gazing into her beautiful face as she blissfully sleeps. A small stream of drool escapes from the corner of her mouth, and he wipes it away with the back of his hand, chuckling softly.
It’s all right. Everything’s fine.
She shifts a little in her sleep, mumbling something incomprehensible. He gently pats her head, smoothing down the tangled locks of her hair.
It was just a nightmare.
He knows, yet he is afraid to fall back asleep.
Adrien sits up in his bed, shivering a little. Maybe it is because of the sweat that sticks to his body, or maybe it is the remains of the fear that still grips his heart. He doesn’t know.
Running a hand through his hair, he glances at the bedside clock. It’s three thirty in the morning.
Four and a half hours of sleep. It’s better than the past week, at least.
His thoughts are too haywire to let him get another wink of sleep. He looks around, and his gaze falls on the papers that litter his desk.
His therapist has suggested writing his thoughts down whenever he felt overwhelmed by them.
Now seems to be a good time to pick up the pen.
The city is eerily quiet, not a person to be seen on the streets. Hawk Moth has once again mass akumatized the entire city of Paris, and somehow, has also exponentially increased the power of the now-healed Peacock miraculous. All hands on deck have been called on both sides: the villains and the superheroes.
And now, it is only the main players that remain for the final battle.
Chat Noir looks up at the looming, all-too-familiar building, his stance distant. He doesn’t know what to feel; he feels something, but the emotion is too complex to be given a name.
After all, what can one name the strange mix of anger, betrayal, denial, horror, sadness and shock?
“Kitty, you okay?”
Her voice, her hand on his shoulder -- they are the only tether that keeps him from using his cataclysmic power to burn the entire house down. Along with the vile people that are awaiting the superheroes inside.
The very people he had once called his own, the only family he had left in this world.
He nods, not trusting his words to support him. She gets the hint, and squeezes his shoulder, doing her best to provide him comfort. He places a hand over hers, showing his appreciation for the gesture, before looking back at the Agreste mansion.
It is time for the final showdown.
The journey to the lair is smooth, without any incidents. It seems too easy, and only serves to make the duo even more cautious of what lays ahead.
Down a secret lift in the atelier, they reach the underground lair. It makes Adrien feel guilty about all the subtle hints that he had missed, despite the fact that they lay in front of him all this time. His Father’s negligence, his Father’s distant attitude, the long periods he spent holed up in his atelier…
“We’re here.”
Ladybug’s voice, paired with the cool air of the underground lair, jerks Chat out of his thoughts. He looks forward, and the first thing he notices is the light that floods the other end of the room, illuminating the garden that lays there.
He quickly walks down the bridge that connects the two ends of the room, Ladybug right behind him. His movements are fueled with anger, denial, frustration. Some directed to his Father, but most directed to himself.
The end is near, and Chat is surprised by the oblong capsule type thingy that lays nestled among the leaves. It’s strange, seeing something like that among the leaves and the trees.
What could his Father actually be keeping in that pod?
The curiosity gnaws at him, and he all but runs the remaining distance. A flash of blond inside the pod makes him skid to a stop.
Pale face lit up by the sun.
That’s the only thing he sees.
His knees buckle, and he falls to the ground with a dull thump. Ladybug comes up to his side and tries to shake him back to reality, but he cannot tear his gaze away from what lies inside the pod. He cannot look away from the pale face framed by golden locks. A pretty smile paints the woman’s chapped lips, as she rests in what seems to be a deep sleep.
Coma , he realises.
“This is the reason I’ve been fighting all along,” a deep voice booms across the area, causing the heroes to look up. The voice comes from the bridge.
Chat recognises that voice.
It is the voice of the man whom he was wary of at first. The man whom his mother loved, and hence, Chat grew to love him too. A man who had once again become a stranger the moment Mom went missing.
The man who has been on the side of evil all long, just to bring his wife back.
“Father?” The word escapes him even before he knows. Ladybug, who stands in a defensive stance, jumps a bit, but recovers immediately. She already knows Chat’s identity; it is only natural that she deciphered Shadow Moth’s identity the moment they set foot in front of the Agreste mansion.
It is Shadow Moth -- no, his Father, his Dad’s reaction that Adrien wants to test.
The man looks surprised. “Adrien? Are you… Chat Noir?”
Chat doesn’t say anything -- just runs his hand over the cold glass, hoping the woman inside will wake up to put an end to this madness, this horror, this nightmare.
“Well, this simplifies things!” Father gasps in delight, clapping his hands. “Adrien, I know you can understand why I am doing this. And I know you know exactly what I want. Exactly what you want. And the means we can achieve our goal, son.”
Adrien knows that his Father, his Dad , wants his Mom to come back. Adrien knows that he himself wants his family to be complete again. And Adrien knows that he needs his and Ladybug’s Miraculous to achieve that goal.
Yet he cannot find it in himself to move. For…
“Every wish comes at a price, Father.”
“What?”
The surprise in his Dad’s voice catches Adrien off-guard. He had expected the man to know something as important as this.
“Gabriel Agreste,” Ladybug speaks up, her yo-yo whirring by her side. “The Universe under the law of Balance. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Your wish will have consequences.”
Dad stumbles back a step, his eyes wide and unbelieving.
“I know you’re grieving, Mister Agreste,” Ladybug takes a step forward, her voice holding concern. “And that’s alright. Adrien here too is grieving the loss of Madame Agreste. And--”
“Don’t speak of Emilie as if she is gone, Ladybug!” Dad hollers, teeth grit in frustration.
Ladybug stops advancing, her yo-yo now staying limp in her hand. She puts her hand out in the front in a placating gesture. “I’m sorry for that, Mister Agreste. But grieving should come with healing. What you need is familial support, sir. And Adrien needs the same, too.”
“Don’t preach what you don’t understand, Ladybug! I just want my Emilie back!”
“Even if it causes someone else to lose their family?” Ladybug finally shouts. Chat can imagine her bluebell eyes burning with anger. He shrinks a little into himself, the mere thought of even trying the Wish miles away from his mind.
“I. Don’t. Care!” Da-- Father finally lashes out, attacking Ladybug with his cane. The heroine’s quick reflexes are what save her in time, as she jumps back and starts spinning her yo-yo, creating a shield in front of herself to dodge the cane’s quick attacks.
“I don’t care about anyone else,” He grits out, his offensive moves causing Ladybug to take steps back, moving towards Chat. “To me, it is my family that matters in the end!”
“Even if it is me who ends up being the sacrifice, P-Papa?”
Papa . It’s something he has never called till today.
Adrien knows he has to stop his Father. And he also knows that Father is very self-centered. He only cares about his family. He doesn’t care if it is anyone else’s life on the line. He doesn’t care if Ladybug is the sacrifice. And Father also doesn’t care if he himself gets sacrificed at the end of this deal.
He just loves Mother that much.
But will Father be willing to gamble the only memory that Mom has left him?
A sudden suffocating silence falls upon the lair. Father and Marinette stop fighting, looking at Chat Noir with eyes as wide as saucers. But he just sits there, beside Mother, awaiting his Papa’s answer.
Adrien does not expect his father to change his ideals abruptly. Not in the slightest. But he does expect a “No!”, a fit, or an “Are you crazy?” at the very least.
“If you’re the sacrifice, then all the better, Adrien.”
He had never expected those words even in his most terrible nightmares.
“W-What?” Chat is glad that he is not standing right now. “F-Father?”
“Don’t call me your Father!” Pa-no, Shadow Moth hollers, pointing his cane in Adrien’s face. “I am not your Father, and you’re not my son! You’re the reason she’s gone! You cannot be the perfect son we wanted! You’re just like the errors she created before you!”
He is the reason Mom’s gone? He’s not perfect? There were errors before him? What does Shadow Moth mean?
Does he really mean those words?
Does he really detest Adrien that much?
“Are you fucking serious right now?” Ladybug curses out, her yo-yo spinning once again in a glowing red circle. Anger marrs her face, her stance purely offensive. “Do you even hear yourself? How can you say that to your son !?”
“He is not my son!” Shadow Moth yells the moment Ladybug lunges for him. He pulls his cane out and starts attacking viciously. The duo are engaged in a heated battle, yo-yo clanging against the metal cane, neither side willing to give up.
Both sides fight for the love of their lives, yet one side is good, and the other is bad.
Chat wills himself to move, but the truth is too heavy for him to carry. All these years, he had killed his wants, his desires, obeyed his parents, just to be the perfect son they wanted. Bending over backwards to please his parents, make them happy.
He never complained when Mom jerked his wobbly baby tooth out just because perfect children should not have wobbly teeth . He never threw a tantrum for the sweet delicacies that Chloé always bragged about whenever she came over to play, just because models need to eat healthy to stay in shape, Adrien. He never insisted on going to school and making friends, just because being an Agreste, being my son, makes you different, mon chou.
And yet, yet he wasn’t perfect.
The only thing he had ever wanted was quality family time, and that too was a rarity.
He looks back at the woman who sleeps peacefully in her glass coffin. Adrien cannot find it in himself to call her Maman , Mom or even Mother. Not when she always framed her toxic actions as something as pure as love, skewing his views about it. Not when she is the reason his faux world full of so-called parental love now lies shattered at his feet. Not when she can just rest in the damned coffin with no care in the world, while his own life crumbles like a sand castle right in front of his eyes.
“Did you even give birth to me,” he turns to the coffin, staring back at his own reflection with messed up hair and eyes wide-blown with anger. “Mom ?” He all but spits the last word out.
A clatter causes his faux ears to perk up. He looks up, and his heart lurches to his mouth.
Ladybug stands cornered against one of the railings, her yo-yo lying a few feet away from her. Shadow Moth is pushing his cane against her, trying to topple her off the bridge. Teeth grit, she is clearly using her full strength to push him off herself.
He rushes over the two, baton detached from his back and elongated. He picks up the yo-yo and tucks it by his side. Adrenaline coursing through his body, he lets out a battle cry as he jumps and slams his baton down on the cane with extreme force, making Shadow Moth lose his grip on the weapon and stumble back. Chat kicks the cane in another direction, making it roll down the bridge and out of Shadow Moth’s reach. He stands between his Lady and the stranger in front of him, baton out in defense.
Ladybug takes the yo-yo from his side, whispering a small thank you as she gains her bearings back.
“Adrien! Are you serious right now?” Shadow Moth yells, scrambling up to his feet. “What kind of a son are you? Helping the enemy? Hitting your own father?”
Adrien cannot help the laughter that escapes him.
“Father! Father? Father?! ” He slams his baton down on the ground, hard enough to send tremors through the entire bridge. He looks up into the wide-blown eyes of Shadow Moth, gaining pleasure in the terror that swims through them.
For once, he isn't the one afraid. For once, he is not the helpless child, the one who keeps tiptoeing around his parents, praying to every god he knew that they won’t get mad at him. For once, he has the chance to hurt the one who hurt him for years.
Upon years.
Upon years.
“Are you fucking kidding me right now, Gabriel Agreste?!” Chat Noir hollers, years of frustration pumping through his veins. “You just claimed that I’m the reason your wife is lying in a comatose state, you just declared that I am not your son! That I’m an error! And yet, now you ask me to protect you?! Seriously?!”
“Family sticks together, Adrien,” the villain says, putting his arms out in a placating gesture, as if he wants to calm him down.
But Adrien simply throws back his head and laughs.
“Family sticks together,” Adrien continues to wheeze, leaving the other two people in the room frozen in shock. “Family, my foot!”
He slams his foot down on the ground and launches towards the supervillain. Shadow Moth barely manages to dodge the surprise attack by swaying to the side, making Chat hit the other railing hard. The bridge shakes once more with tremors, but the cat hero seems unaffected in the very least.
“Where was this family when I wanted those Christmas dinners? Where was this family when I missed Mom like crazy? Where was this family when you announced that I’m not your son?!” He yells, his voice going hoarse. “You manipulated me my entire life! False promises, false hopes. Using me as some toy in your collection and throwing me away when I spoke up for myself!”
There is no reply from the other side. Adrien scoffs.
“No action of yours could be questioned. Why? ‘Cause everything you guys did was supposed to make me a better person. A better person, ha!” He sweeps his baton in an arc, launching an attack at Shadow Moth again. The villain escapes by a hair’s breadth.
“Every instance of wrong parenting, concealed and coffined under the same overused tagline. ‘We do this ‘cause we love you, Adrien.’”
Chat snickers mirthlessly. “Love, what a joke!”
“I knew it,” Gabriel finally speaks up, causing Adrien to take up a defensive stance. “I knew you were a disappointment from the start. Stubborn, just like those other defects. Yet she kept you, because she was stubborn as well.”
“What in the name of magic do you mean?” Adrien grits out, baton held so tight, his knuckles go white.
“What I mean, my dear Adrien, is that,” Shadow Moth grins. “You might think you’re free, but you’re still under my control.”
Before Adrien can piece together what the villain means, Shadow Moth places his hands out in the front with fingers bent, as if he’s holding something. At the same instant, Adrien feels something light grip at his throat. Shadow Moth tightens his fingers, and the next thing Adrien knows, his air supply is suddenly cut off.
He grasps at his throat, trying his best to claw at the invisible force that holds him in a chokehold. His vision starts to blur as he coughs, hacks, tries to gulp whatever limited supply of oxygen he gets. His throat burns, as if he has just drunk liquid fire. A heavy weight starts to settle inside his chest.
“W-What did you do to him?!” Adrien hears Ladybug scramble to his side, her hand on his back to comfort him as much as she can. “What the fuck did you do to him, you monster?!”
“Nothing much,” the villain grins. “Just reminding him of his existence.”
Adrien coughs and hacks to get his bearings back, but all in vain. A blurred memory makes its way into his mind, and he finds himself remembering something he has no inkling about.
Amethysts glittering in the darkness of night.
That’s the first memory he has.
He squints a bit, and realises that he is wrong. They are not exactly jewels; he finds himself gazing into mesmerising violet eyes framed by jet-black locks. A pretty smile paints the woman’s lips, as she looks at him with something that is supposed to make him feel warm and tingly.
But all he feels is cold and distant.
Fear, he realises.
“Come to me, Adrien.”
Adrien . That’s the name this woman has given him.
He takes an uncertain step away from the lady. His tiny feet shake a little; it is his first time walking, after all.
Yet all he wants is to run away from the cold aura the purple-skinned lady emanates.
“Where are you going, lovely?” the woman asks, her eyes twinkling with malice. “Come to me, sweetie. Come to Mom.”
Mom . The word has a nice ring to it.
But that woman doesn’t deserve it.
He turns and runs, terrified. But his efforts are futile, as, soon, something within him twists, causing him to scream in pain. Tears brimming in his eyes, he tries to move, but is somehow anchored firmly to his place.
“49,” The woman speaks up, walking towards him. The boy cowers in fear, but still can’t bring himself to move. “49 failed sentimonsters before you. You’re just like them.”
She runs a hand through his hair, twisting a blond lock in her finger, before sharply tugging. He lets out a wail of pain, the tears falling down his cheeks.
“Aww, sweetie, don’t cry,” The strange peacock woman runs a hand over his cheek, wiping the tears away. The boy shrinks back at her touch. “You’re my 50th creation, and I’m not going to let you go to waste. I’m not going to let my efforts, my deteriorated health go to waste!”
She gets in his face, her terrifying gaze sending chills down his spine. “I’ll make you forget your memories and make the perfect son, the perfect Agreste out of you, Adrien.”
“Why?” He finally croaks out, tears choking his voice. “Why me?”
“Because I love you, Adrien-chou,” is the reply he gets, before his entire world goes black.
Adrien feels as if someone dumped a bucket of ice-water on his unsuspecting self. With all the strength he can manage, he looks up at the villain, who is grinning like a maniac.
“So…” Adrien grits out, a hand clutching his chest as the other still futilely tries to wrench his throat free from the invisible grip, “t-that’s why you said... I’m not… your son, huh?”
“Yes,” Shadow Moth chuckles. “You were just one of her creations , someone who was meant to make her feel that she could be a mother. Even if creating your kind sapped away most of her life energy, putting her in this comatose state.”
“Wait, Adrien?” Ladybug butts into the conversation. “Do you… do you mean that--”
“He is a sentimonster, Ladybug,” Shadow Moth completes the sentence for her, laughing maniacally. “A sentimonster my wife created, to get the perfect son, the perfect Agreste. But honestly, I believe…”
Shadow Moth clenches his hand and twists, sending another wave of agony through Adrien as he lets out a scream. “She should’ve let him go, just like the ones before him~”
Air becomes hard to breath, leaving Adrien panting. His entire frame shakes and trembles, as he feels himself go weak.
“Adrien, Adrien!” Marinette is frantically shaking him, yelling his name. But her voice just seems so distant…
Something inside him twists, creaks and there is a crash, and a final sharp pain jolts up his spine as the darkness suddenly takes over…
A light shines behind his eyes, static buzzing in his ears. His chest still feels heavy, and his cheek is wet and cold. The numbness in his body is an unwelcome, foreign sensation.
When did he fall asleep on the chair?
He feels himself being shaken lightly, and a faint voice filters past the static.
“--drien? Adrien?! Honey?”
He blearily opens his eyes, blinking against the bright light that shines at them. Marinette is standing in front of him, her expression teary and crumpled.
“M-M’Lady?” He whispers her name out, voice weak and hoarse.
“Oh gosh, kitty,” She lets out a sigh of relief as she brings her hand up to his face, wiping away at his cheeks. She removes his hair from his face, placing a soft kiss on his head before patting.
His gaze moves down to the pile of paper his cheek rests on. There are tear splotches on the sheets.
Her hand reaches up to hold his. Her fingers are warm to touch, and he feels the numbness fade away a little.
“Feeling better, honey?” She whispers softly. He squeezes her fingers gently in reply.
They stay like that for a few moments more, basking in the silence and the comfort that the other’s company brings. With every passing second, Adrien feels the tightness in his chest relax. Breathing becomes easy, and the chilling numbness soon gets replaced by a comforting warmth that speaks home .
Adrien finally wills himself to move. It’s a bit of an effort, but Marinette’s presence by his side gives him the courage he needs. He straightens up and reclines in the chair, looking up at the ceiling.
“Wanna talk about it?” Marinette softly asks, her whisper wrapping around him in a comforting hug.
“I will end up sounding like a broken record,” Adrien mutters, his gaze not leaving the ceiling. He tries to keep the bite away from his voice, but the efforts are in vain.
Marinette squeezes his hand in reply, a reassurance that he doesn’t need to talk about it if he does not want to. He squeezes her hand back in return, appreciating the sentiment.
The nightmare he has had is not real anymore, but the mere thought of it still seems terrifying.
“How long are you going to be angry at yourself, Adrien?”
“Hm, I dunno… maybe until I get over that nightmare?” He scoffs, a wry smile twisting on his lips. “Get over the fact that I am a sentimonster, created with the sole purpose of filling some void a childless woman felt? Get over the fact that my so-called Father never actually wanted me? Get over the fact that my childhood was snatched away from me to make me ‘perfect’...” he air quotes the words, “...and it only ended up leaving me shattered to pieces?”
“Kitty,” Marinette places a comforting hand on his shoulder. “Adrien, it isn’t like that…”
“Then tell me what is it like, Marinette?” He yells out, frustration evident in his voice. He turns to her, teeth grit in agony. “Tell me what it is like to know that you were just another error? To know that you didn’t end up rising up to those expectations that were set up for you? To know… to know that you were just never meant to… exist ?”
His voice breaks off in a choke. “Tell me, Mari. Please .”
“I am sorry, Kitty,” is all she says, all the while rubbing calming circles on the back of his hand.
“No, I’m sorry.” Adrien lets out a groan as he flops his head back, looking up at the ceiling again. “I should not even be losing my cool on you. You’re not the one at fault here. It’s just… so messed up.”
“Hey, listen,” Marinette places a hand on his cheek, causing him to turn to look at her. “You’re not at fault either, Adrien. You’re not an error, and you definitely did rise to people’s expectations. You were, and still are, the golden boy for the people close to you. The sunshine who lights up their lives.”
“And most importantly, you’re meant to exist, Adrien.” Marinette bends down and kisses his forehead, before murmuring against his skin. “If not for yourself, then for me, for our little one.”
She places their conjoined hands upon her stomach, upon the small, yet visible, baby bump. Adrien caresses her stomach lightly, tears welling up in his eyes.
“I’m scared, Bug,” his voice is choked with tears as he looks up at her. “I don’t want to be like them .”
“You won’t be, love,” she smooths his hair, smiling at him. “They were far different from who you are. They were humans, yet emotionless. And you…”
She kisses his hair, her other hand coming up to caress his cheek. “Sentimonster or not, you’re the best thing that ever happened to me, Adrien. And I would not trade you for the world. So, don’t ever think lowly of yourself, okay?”
“I will try my best not to,” Adrien reassures as he moves his other hand to caress her cheek. “Won’t want to risk my life with an angry, pregnant Ladybug, after all,” he adds with a chuckle.
“Oh hush you, you brat,” Marinette jokingly swats his arm, giggling along.
Adrien snickers, throwing a Cheshire grin and a wink in her direction. “Well, you do know how to silence me, M’Lady~”
She shakes her head fondly, before leaning down and pressing her lips to his.