Work Text:
“I'm sorry.”
Jean rises to his feet.
He doesn't see anything aside from Marco's disfigured face, his body abandoned like trash on the street.
He told Reiner to just let it go, and now the only thing Jean can think of is Marco-
He is one step away from Reiner when someone tackles him down and he falls hard on his back. Pain explodes behind Jean’s head and on the right side of his face. For a few seconds he doesn't see or hear anything, he can only taste blood and his instinct tells him to fight back but then the weight over him is gone.
“Jean, your nose?! Are you ok?!”
Armin.
“You asshole!”
Connie.
“Do you want some too?! I still haven't forgotten about earlier, baldy!”
The Jaw Titan.
Jean stands up on his elbow and realizes that his nose is bleeding.
“I said sorry already even though you don't deserve it!” Connie shouts, standing in front of him. “And stop calling me that!”
Jean takes the handkerchief Armin hands him for the trickle of blood and he grimaces.
His nose hurts but it is not broken, it’s just been a while since he took a hit like that.
Since Eren.
“You are just a bunch of hypocrite assholes!”
A few feet away from them the holder of the Jaw Titan is being held back by Reiner. For a moment Jean is taken aback by the raw intensity in those fiery eyes.
It isn't hate. No, it’s something much stronger.
The Jaw Titan is protecting Reiner from him like Jean is really the bad guy here.
Porco Galliard, Jean remembers the name, drying his aching nose.
He was so caught in his resentment for these people that he didn't even notice how close Reiner and this guy were the whole time since this alliance affair started.
That little fucker looks so young compared to Reiner, and yet he knows how to throw a punch, even better than Eren.
“Porco, that's enough,” Reiner says, keeping his arms around Galliard- and it feels like another life when Marco did the same thing for Jean inside a tower without any escape route.
Galliard scoffs but he stops struggling, even though he still looks like a beast in a cage who wants to bite their necks off.
And he has some right to do so, the rational part of Jean thinks. He almost got eaten by Connie's mother and Jean would have become an accomplice for that, again.
When did he become like that? Connie did what he did for the love for his mother while he didn't have any excuse. What would Marco think about him?
Reiner sighs with relief and removes his arms around Galliard's chest.
Reiner's gaze. The expression on his face. The Reiner Jean wanted to punch isn’t there anymore. It’s like Galliard breathed new life in Reiner, caught him from whatever hole he had fallen in.
“Jean,” Armin calls him softly.
Jean waves a hand. “I’m ok,” he answers. His rage isn't gone, it just turned into something else that he can't point out as he observes Reiner and Galliard tiptoe around each other.
“You are always a drag,” Galliard mutters, but he doesn't leave Reiner's side, and his words just don’t match his eyes, there is something too soft, almost devoting, longing- He doesn't look like the same guy from before all rough edges and sharp tongue.
Of course.
Jean finally knows what he is seeing now and it hits him hard in the stomach.
The way these two look at each other, how they feel about each other- This is how he felt (still feels) about Marco. And maybe Marco did feel the same way for him too, but Jean had been too stupid to see it, to understand before Marco was gone- before he was killed.
Jean grits his teeth, his hands shake again.
The most vicious side of him wants to make Reiner suffer like he does and he feels ashamed for it right away but still, this isn't fair.
Reiner still has Galliard while Jean was only left with ashes.
If only Jean managed to stay on Marco’s side, to protect him. But where even was he when it happened? It's a question Jean still cannot answer.
But these two always manage to do that, hm? To protect. Jean had read a few newspapers about the Marley Mid-East War when he was undercover back at Liberio and he still remembers the awe he had felt when an incomplete Armored Titan raised from the ground to protect the Jaw from being eaten.
For how long had they known each other? Now that Jean thinks about it Yelena had told them that a seventeen year old Warrior candidate had eaten Ymir. That meant Galliard is the same age as Reiner, even though he looks younger than Connie.
This makes Jean almost laugh.
Are they companions since they were kids? Was this Galliard one of the people Reiner had thought about when he told them his wish to return home back in the training days? And what about Historia? Was that also an act? Reiner had never looked at her like that.
Why do I even care? Jean scolds himself. He should stop staring at these two who think they are so subtle.
Their pining is just ridiculous.
And Jean is ridiculous too because he is jealous of two people who remind him of someone he can't have ever again. He wished so much for the truth but the truth has repaid him with more pain. Marco who isn’t here anymore because of Reiner who now looks at this guy like he is making sure the other is really there.
Jean can’t stand this anymore.
He stands up and Hange calls for him but he doesn't stop and walks away from the fire.
He just needs a moment, to not wish again to have remained with his stupid illusions that can't have Marco in them because he could never tarnish his image like that.
“What about Bertolt then?” Jean hears Galliard suddenly ask, making him slow down. “What were his last words?”
Jean feels his insides turn as he tries to not think about that day.
There is a tense silence and it seems like nobody wants to answer.
When will this cursed night end?
“Two names,” Mikasa finally speaks up, hard but at the same time quiet. “Annie and Reiner were Bertolt's last words.”
Jean’s mind is caught in a daze as Bertolt's screams, the anguish and the guilt catch up to him.
“I'm so-rry,” Armin says with a trembling voice, “I did it but I can't even remember... I'm sorry, Annie- I’m so sorry, Reiner-”
“Galliard, stay here!” suddenly that Marleyan general shouts but the Warrior ignores the order as he runs past Jean.
“I'll go after him,” Reiner says with an edge in his voice.
Yelena chuckles. “Looks like everyone is leaving tonight,” she says, amused.
"We'll back," Reiner promises, surely not to Yelena.
She managed to pull them apart, Jean muses at first but it wasn't so. They already were a mess and she just exposed their true colors.
Jean watches as Reiner goes after Galliard and something inside him makes him go after them deeper into the woods. The trees become thicker and sparser and when Reiner stops Jean quickly hides behind a trunk. The light of the fire is too far now, the shadows of the night almost swallow them, but thanks to the moonlight Jean can still see Galliard punching a tree.
“Porco,” Reiner whispers. “Stop, your hand-”
“It’s nothing, for fuck's sake,” Galliard grumbles, still giving Reiner his shoulders.
“Let me see,” Reiner insists. “There could be some wood fragments.”
It's just an excuse, a very bad one, and so like Reiner that Jean could see it one mile away but Galliard sighs heavily and turns around. Reiner closes the gap between them and reaches for the raised hand. They are face to face now but some of Galliard's hair covers his eyes as he keeps his face down.
“Seems ok,” Reiner mutters, and yet he doesn't let go of the hand.
Galliard nods numbly and then he looks up. They stare quietly at each other and it seems there is a whole world they have to share, but the only words that Galliard whispers brokenly are, “my brother, I saw,” and then tears fall from his eyes.
Jean is surprised by the tears and confused for the words but he can see from the pained look in Reiner's eyes that he gets it without further elaboration, like what Galliard said is the most understandable thing in the world.
Galliard continues to cry and leans his head against Reiner's collarbone, one hand going for his shoulder. For a moment Reiner stays still before he puts his arm around Galliard’s shoulder.
“Porco,” he whispers against his hair, and then he starts to cry too, clinging to Galliard like he is his only lifeline in this world.
It's only a hug, but it’s so pure and intimate, and Jean feels like a fucking voyeur.
Reiner and Galliard are sharing their tears together while they let everything out. The grief for their fallen brothers, the tension of the last days- maybe years, and what will come next. Maybe the end.
Jean chastises himself and quickly looks away.
Being here is a mistake. He shouldn’t have followed them, should have not seen them.
He leans the back of his head against the tree and puts his closed right hand against his heavy chest.
Forgiving Reiner is impossible, but he can let this go. He can't fault Reiner for loving someone and for being loved back.
Jean stays still for a few minutes before he peeks behind the tree again when he doesn't hear any more sounds. Reiner and Galliard are sitting on the ground against a tree now. They have fallen asleep with their hands linked, still holding each other close.
They look good together.
Together.
Jean never felt so alone in his life and yet something warm blooms inside his chest. His vision blurs with tears and he closes his eyelids.
He lets his mind wander and he can see Marco and him, sitting against a tree, enjoying the quiet of the night.
Some tears still fall.
Since when have you become so romantic Jean Kirstein?
You always had that in you, a voice whispers in his ear that sounds so much like Marco.
Jean wipes the tears from his face with the back of his hand and smiles bitterly. He gives a last look over his shoulder and walks away.
Time to leave Reiner and Galliard alone.