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It took him a while, but slowly Coultenet was warming up to the beach, to this... 'vacation' Hoary had decided to take before the pirates returned to ruin the lives of other people.
And of course he checked before they left Limsa, to make sure the residents would not need further aid, but apparently a group of adventurers and good souls had already left Limsa a day before, and truly no other aid was needed. So they were free to enjoy their time in Costa del Sol during the day, and the little room they had rented for the night in Wineport, an hour away by chocobo and the little ferry across the river.
On the first day, Coultenet did not enjoy himself too much, getting used to the scenery, the water, the heat, the fact that he was constantly half nude, and the other people walking around and seeing him half nude. By the time they left the beach, the sun was going down the horizon, and the trip back was quite relaxing, the temperatures going down and making Coultenet shiver just slightly.
They arrived at Wineport soon after, making their way inside the little inn and ordering food to go, to take to their rooms upstairs. While they waited, both of them decided to take a walk around the winery, see the grapes and the factory and the barrels, the lights faint around the plantation.
With no trees to cover the sky, Coultenet found himself admiring the stars often.
"Beautiful, isn’t it?" Hoary said next to him, in a voice so quiet and sweet that was almost unrecognizable, so different from his usual loud tones. Coultenet turned his head to face him, finding his large friend leaning against a wall, looking up as well. "Few places in the Shroud can show you such a beautiful sky."
"Camp Tranquil, perhaps" he offered, and looked up at the stars again. "Although I have to admit that somehow, they seem prettier and brighter here. Maybe it's the lack of swamp water."
"Or it is the new air" Hoary offered, chuckling and smiling by the time Coultenet looked at him. It reached his eyes, made them look as shiny as the sky above, and Coultenet had to look away for a moment to recompose himself, his heart beating so loud he swore the roegadyn could hear it. "How did you like your first day out in La Noscea?"
"It was... rather nice" he admitted, quietly, crossing his arms and leaning against the same wall Hoary was, looking down at his feet for a moment. When was the last time he looked at his toes? His legs? He was still dressed up in his swimsuit, shirt and shorts and sandals, and he felt almost as if he was staring at a complete stranger. "Strange, uncomfortable at times... but I almost relaxed."
"You take too much upon your shoulders, Coultenet. The world does not rest on you to spin, the star doesn't require you to shine" Hoary said, and when the elezen turned to him, his eyes were up at the sky, arms crossed over his large chest. "I thought that you once, when I first started adventuring around my home. That if I did nothing, well, no one would, and the world would collapse. It is not true. You don't have to hold yourself up with so much weight. We are young, we are free to do as we please, we are free to have fun."
Coultenet stared at him, eyes wide, even when Hoary looked back at him and smiled. He felt surprised, and even a little angry, but those words gave him some relief too, as if he needed to hear them. His eyes shifted down to the ground and he chuckled, shaking his head.
"For what I know, you are younger than me, mister wise man."
"So what? Age is just a number" he replied, laughing loudly at Coultenet's distasteful expression, eyebrows furrowing at his friend. They heard someone yelling Hoary's name and the roegadyn grinned. "Food time! Let's go!"
He rushed away from the winery towards the building and Coultenet stayed behind, watching him before sighing and giving the stars a new look.
By the gods... he needed courage.
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Later they had bathed, eaten and were now resting. It was the third night they slept after they arrived in La Noscea, and Coultenet was still getting himself used with the idea of sleeping so far away from home. Yes, he had fought his father, and he had left his family behind, but it did not make anything easier, or rather only made it harder, making him constantly worried for them – after all, Gridania was still an easy target for Garleans.
He had, however, to learn how to be away from home, and how to rest without bothering his companion. The first night Hoary had been gentle enough to rest only after he did, making him company, and the second night Coultenet forced himself to stay quiet and still to allow Hoary some deserved rest, while only sleeping three hours total (perhaps another reason why he was so uncomfortable at the beach). This night, he was going to try hard to actually sleep, and allow Hoary to sleep as well.
The roegadyn was out like a rock the moment he laid down on the bed, not even remembering to take out his robe, or turn off the light. Coultenet shook his head, turning the lights off and making his way to his bed, pulling the robe away and settling down with his pajamas, laying on his back, staring at the ceiling.
Well, now... he just needed to close his eyes and sleep.
Close his eyes.
And sleep.
He blinked a few times, quickly, and his eyes focused on the ceiling again, on a crack on the wood he could see due to the light of the moon coming from outside, through the small window. He took a few deep breaths and closed his eyes, only to open them again a few seconds later, feeling like hours had passed.
But they hadn't.
He knew.
As carefully as he could, he turned to his side, facing Hoary on the other bed, watching his silhouette as it rose and fell with his breathing, soft snores coming from his direction. It was so steady, so easy, Coultenet envied him for a moment, wishing he could just sleep like that, fall down and pass out. But he couldn't. And he didn't.
He did try to sleep for some time, using Hoary's sounds and movements to lull him, but it did not work and he only grew restless. Suddenly, he was more energized than he was the rest of the day, and he decided then that perhaps he could take this time and put it to good use outside, training. He carefully sat up, trying not to make a noise, wincing when the bed creaked, waiting until he could hear Hoary's snore again and then moving, continuing his slow travels to the outside. When he was finally able to stand, he crouched, reaching out for his staff that laid carefully underneath his bed, just before he froze when a hand touched his shoulder.
"Coultenet..?"
Damn it.
For the little he knew about roegadyns, he was sure Hoary was the lightest sleeper of all of them.
"Go to sleep, Hoary" he mumbled, standing up and gently pushing the large hand away. When he turned, his friend's eyes were focused on him, his face sleepy – he looked so tired. The guilt spiked up in the elezen's stomach. "I will go outside for a while, waste some energy."
"You're homesick, are you not?"
Homesick wasn't really the word, unless he considered the Shroud his home, in which case yes, he was homesick. As for his parents' house... no, he was not homesick, he could stay as far away from that place for as long as he wished. He shook his head as a response, sighing when Hoary started to sit up.
"Please sleep... I'm going to train, I'll be back soon..."
"Coultenet... no..." he whispered, reaching out and taking Coultenet's hand, making his cheeks warm up in a blush. Thank the crystal it was dark. "I... let us talk, please? We are friends... aren't we?"
"Yes Hoary we are, and that is why I want you to sleep!" he said frustrated, maybe because part of him thought he didn't deserve this attention, but surely because part of him wanted Hoary to rest. The roegadyn did not move, his large and warm hand wrapped around Coultenet's small, cold one, and he swore his ears started to warm up as well.
"Please, my friend, talk to me... sit down..." he tapped on the bed with the free hand, and Coultenet sighed quietly before falling down on the bed, sat, letting his staff fall down on the bed. Hoary reached out and turned on a small lamp, the light dim and gentle on their faces. "We are partners, for everything. If you wish to talk, or if you just want company..."
"You cannot help, Hoary. It is something I have to come to terms with on my own" he mumbled, sighing, looking down and noticing their hands were still together. Indeed, he would not mind it, if it didn't bring hopeful feelings to his chest. Still, he did not pull away, simply moved his hand so that it was better located, his fingers wrapping between Hoary's thumb and forefinger.
"You miss your home" Hoary said, and Coultenet nodded, taking the time to notice the little things – the size difference, how Hoary's hand was so big and squared, his skin so dark and filled with scars, from his armor perhaps, or just wounds from battles, while his own was small, delicate, pale, with no wounds, no scars, nothing more than perfectly trimmed nails. He wanted to study his hands, caress them, trace every scar with his fingers. It made his heart skip a beat. "Coultenet...?"
"I have never been away from the Shroud before" he whispered, unable to look up to Hoary, not because he was shy or embarrassed or vulnerable but because... those hands... "I always wished to, since I was little, and learned about the other lands in Eorzea. But now that I am doing it, well... it is more overwhelming than I thought."
"I understand, I was the same way. On my first month, every night I wondered if I would wake up and falter, return home with my tail between the legs" Hoary chuckled, and finally his laugh made Coultenet look up, a new blush rising on his cheeks. "My brothers counted on it... they made a bet, I found out after a few months of travelling by a letter my mother sent me. Turns out the youngest won, Ocher. He always looked up to me... I believe he had faith I would become an adventurer so he could follow in my footsteps" he shook his head, his smile so fond Coultenet felt his heart warm up. "What I mean is... homesickness is normal. And if you wish, we can always return-"
"Not after coming this far!" he explained, Hoary's eyes widening. He recomposed himself, biting his lip. "I mean... we did it, didn't we? We are here, in La Noscea, resting and exploring... I just need some time..."
They stayed quiet for a while, looking at each other, before an idea seemed to pop inside Hoary's head and he smiled at Coultenet.
"Well I have a proposal... but do not take it the wrong way" he said, and the elezen's eyes widened. "When we were young and scared, my brothers and I got together and threw all our blankets on the ground and slept in a big pile, like a bunch of wild dogs. We do not have to do it like that but if you wish to share the bed we could push them together and we could sleep next to each other."
Coultenet stared at him, eyes wide, and his cheeks and ears and neck were all blushing up, but the light of the lantern did not show it off too well, which he was grateful. He almost choked out an answer but swallowed down and relaxed before smiling his friend an unsure look.
"I... I guess we could try..." he mumbled, and Hoary grinned, squeezing his hand gently.
Hoary smiled at him and they both stood up, pushing the small table between the beds away and then pushing the beds together. Hoary sighed and laid down on his own, smiling, and Coultenet slowly made his way on top of his own, now just a few ilms apart from the gladiator, feeling his cheeks burning again. Hoary turned the lamp off and got on his side, staring at Coultenet as he too got himself comfortable and turned to face him.
They were very close.
"How does it feel?" Hoary whispered, offering his hand, and Coultenet shyly took it, intertwining their fingers slowly, his own much smaller and gentler than his, his heart racing in his chest. "try to sleep?"
"Alright..." he whispered, closing his eyes and trying to calm his nerves down. He felt giddy because of the proximity but... indeed he felt calmer, safer. Slowly, the nerves settled, and he stared to feel the tiredness of the day catching up with him.
He fell asleep before he realized it, his hand firmly attached to Hoary's, face resting comfortably on the pillow. He felt a squeeze on his hand and huffed softly, drifting off, sleeping better than he had in years.
When he woke up, the sunlight was coming inside through the window, and he groaned pushing closer to the massive wall of warmth next to him, a heavy arm over his waist, pulling him closer. It took him a moment to realize he was cuddled up to Hoary, and another second to squeal and move away, falling from the bed and ending up hitting his head, waking up a worried Hoary.
And maybe they laughed at the situation and their day went on as usual... but he did not forget the sensation of sleeping with his head pressed against the strong chest, body held close by a large arm.
He would keep it inside his head, and maybe in his heart, until the next time it happened.
He hoped it would be soon.