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The walls were white. The fluorescents beating down on them were making them painfully so. The clinical, cold walls and tiles seemed endless.
Dave couldn’t recall why he had come here, where he was, or how he came to be there, but he knew one thing with a painful certainty.
He needs my help.
His pace quickened as he went down hallway after hallway. He opened doors, trying to find meaning and logic to the layout and found none. It was like he was going in circles. His heavy footsteps echoed down the hall. He looked through large windows. Finding the rooms behind them empty and sterile. He didn't have time for this. He was alone and he needed to find him.
He started running and called his name.
The object of his search did not come into view, so his calls became louder. His legs cried in pain and failed to carry him faster.
Don't worry. I'm coming. I'll help you, just let me find you.
He turned a corner and finally arrived. He saw a long observation window about the height of the wall looking into a ridiculously large room; the ceiling was easily three stories. Inside laid the same white walls and tile as the other rooms, but on the other side of the room grew a tree, large and imposing. Its branches grazed the rafters and its roots ripped and weaved through the tile. Fruit already rotten hung from its branches. It felt simultaneously out of place and like an integral part of the room. An invasive species making itself irremovable. And under this tree, sitting in a chair on a patch of grass, he saw him: Karkat.
He could not see him well. His head was down, resting on knees pulled to his chest.
He did see Karkat's knuckles growing whiter from gripping himself so hard. He could tell from a distance he was shaking hard.
“Hey! Hey! I’m here!” he yelled across the room.
Karkat did not look up.
He began banging on the window hoping he would notice.
“Hey I made it! I'm here to help, what's wrong?”
Karkat finally looked up.
Dave would forever wish he hadn’t.
His eyes were red from crying. His face twisted in sorrow. He held himself in fear; his eyes darted around the room. It was horrible to look at.
Then he opened his mouth.
“Please! Where are you? Please come back, don't leave me!” Karkat cried. His voice was strained and hoarse from overuse. “Please it hurts! Help! Don’t leave me here. I’m sorry just come back please.”
The words hit him again and again and again. The words themselves were vague and unimportant in the grand scheme of things. What was important about them was what they conveyed: pure pain. He yelled and screamed, “I’m right here! It’s okay I’m here, how do I help you? You’re not alone I’m right here.”
Finally, he saw his eyes flip to his direction. But before he could feel relief, he realized something. It was like he was looking right through him.
He couldn’t see him.
“Please help I’m scared,” he said looking right into Dave’s eyes, “help me this is humiliating don’t make me beg.”
A two-way mirror.
How he knew this unknowable information so surely should have been a giveaway that none of this was real, so should the fact there was no apparent source of Karkat’s pain, but that wasn't important.
Karkat thought he was alone.
He thought he left him alone.
He thought Dave abandoned him.
Dave pounded on the glass. He hit and hit and hit and hit. Until his fists hurt, until there were hairline fractures in the glass, until his hands bruised and bled. All trying to reach him. He had to let Karkat know he was there.
“I’m here. Please just look. I can't watch you in pain anymore please! I’m sorry.”
Failure dripped over him.
Sudden exhaustion pulsed through his body. It was only then, when his fists slowed and his head dropped, did it happen.
Someone was standing behind Karkat, coming from behind the tree. It was…
Bro. All sharp edges and blank expressions.
He couldn't even think to stop himself, stop the sheer panic in his voice, or his arms from flailing against the glass.
“No no no NO!”, he shrieked, there was no other way to describe it, “Don’t touch him no please! Get away from him don’t touch him you fucking bastard I’ll kill you! No please no no no no run Karkat please I’m right here please hear me get away!”
His brother didn’t move. In truth he was doing nothing but standing there. There was no immediate danger and Karkat had not stopped to even notice him.
In spite of this Dave clawed at the glass. He knew Bro’s intentions. Like he knew about the glass, the information had just come to him. It was an aura around Bro that consumed everything in the room. He screamed at the top of his lungs, but it didn’t do a thing.
“Why did you leave me Dave?” Dave could hear anger slip into his voice. He was still looking straight at him, but his eyes held no recognition, “How could you do this? They’re going to come get me please Dave! Why don't you care about me? Can’t you see it hurts? I’ve been calling why are you ignoring me?”
Karkat was now holding himself so tightly long gashes bloomed on his legs where sharp claws met skin. Bright blood pooled out of them; unfiltered fear steamed from the liquid and filled Dave's lungs and seeped into his bones.
The window seemed to be getting smaller and smaller. No, he was being pulled back. He was moving away from the window. The floor was moving beneath him.
“I fucking hate you how could you let them take me?” Karkat screamed desperately.
Fuck! No let me help him damn it!
He stretched his arms and tried to walk back to the window, but it was like walking against a tornado. As he clawed at the scene in front of him, he thought there was no way it could get worse...
Bro lifted a sword.
He wasn’t sure if the noise he made was human. He saw the glint of metal and knew what was going to happen. He saw the technique that had been drilled into him for years.
“Lift your weapon”, Bro would say.
“No no no please I’m begging”, Dave screamed “I’ll do whatever you want just please let him go! I won’t complain; I’ll do whatever you say. He hasn’t done anything, don’t hurt him!”
“Tighten your grip”, Bro would bite.
He just then noticed the tears that had been streaking his face.
“Why’d you leave me! It all hurts so much!” Karkat cried. His voice seemed to get louder as Dave was dragged away.
“Feel the power in your arms”, Bro demand grabbing his arms to make a point.
At this point the wall of force had knocked him to the ground leaving him desperately grasping at the tile in a useless attempt to stop being dragged away. At this new distance he shouldn’t have be able to see the scene anymore. But it was a dream, so rules didn’t apply there. Only what the dream itself wanted mattered. So he saw it crystal clear.
“Make it stop please! Dave help m-!”
“Swing.”
The blade sliced through Karkat’s neck like butter. Blood brighter than his spilled out. Broken pieces of spine scattered in every direction.
And in that moment, he was there making eye contact with Karkat as he fell to the floor. Until he heard it. It was so deep it resonated through the floor and into his body. Strong enough to turn his bones to dust.
He heard the loudest thud of his life.
He didn’t wake with a start or scream like in a movie. Well, he knew it was a thing people did but only ever felt like it happened in movies. Regardless he was conscious. Opening his eyes, he wished he had woken up more dramatically. Maybe then Karkat would wake up and prove that he was okay.
No, he wouldn't want to go scare Karkat awake at 4:16 in the fucking morning. (Thank you magical internal clock) that would be just plain rude.
Karkat was laid on his back with Dave on his side facing him. His head was clearly on his body, but that wasn’t enough. Dave slowly reached his hand out to Karkat’s neck, and he pushed half expecting it to roll right off.
It didn’t. Dave breathed a sigh of relief. Everything was fine.
Until a yellow eye popped open, almost glowing in the low light.
“Dave,” Karkat spoke quietly but stern, “I swear to fucking Sufferer if you woke me up to tell me you had that stupid cheese dream again, I will smother you with a pillow until you die. And then you’ll revive. And I will continue. This will go on for many hours. After which I will go to my recipricoon and never sleep with you in this bed again.”
“Oh, I wish it was that dream,” he could hear the weariness in his own voice, “I actually kinda like that one you know. Surreal in a calming way like some artsy avant-”
“You had another nightmare, didn’t you?” Karkat interrupted with no sense of annoyance.
“Yeah, and you decided to be the star.”
“Oh, that must have been fucking shit.”
“Yes, your deduction skills are quite keen.”
“Oh, shut up you insufferable moron,” Karkat turned to face him, “Are you okay?”
Dave flopped onto his back to not look at him, “Umm if by okay you mean feeling like I’m being sucked down a drain while simultaneously getting punched in the face and listening to your screams bass boosted through a shitty car stereo then yeah, I’m really okay. If not, then I’ll let you come to your own conclusions.”
“A no would have sufficed but that sounds horrible so you shall receive my pity.”
“Oh boy the treasured troll emotion pity! For me? I'm honored.
“Yeah, you fuckwad you should be,” he motioned with his head, “now come over here let me hold you.”
He said nothing as rolled over to be brought into Karkats arms, instantly soothed as he felt warmth surrounding him.
“What even happened?” Karkat asked casually. They both had nightmares pretty regularly. Hell, MOST of their friends did, so treating each one like it was a massive deal ended pretty quickly. He didn’t know how he felt about that. He didn’t know if he liked that it had just become such a natural part of their lives.
He had been awake for 2 minutes and 25 seconds (Thank you magic internal stopwatch) and the dream already was losing clarity. Details became fuzzy and faded until all that remained were scraps of sounds, images, and a heavy weight in his chest.
“Umm. I was running through this hospital, I think. I don't know, maybe it was a lab. I have no clue. I was running and running, and I knew you were somewhere. You were somewhere and in trouble and waiting for me to find you. After screaming through the halls, I found you on the other side of a window and,”
The image floated to the top.
“You were so scared,” he said, “you were in pain and screaming about how I had left you and you needed my help.”
His heart began to pick up and his skin started to crawl.
“I tried to let you know I was there, but the glass was a two-way mirror so you couldn’t see me. I… was so overcome by the need to let you know I was there, to get to you and help or at least let you know you weren’t alone. I screamed for what felt like forever. And you know if it feels like that for me, I mean business. I pounded on the glass so hard my hands bled. And then…”
He stuttered and curled in on himself hoping to be surrounded by more warmth.
“He showed up.”
He didn’t need to say more. Karkat just held him tighter.
“I hate dreams. You are stuck feeling however the dream wants you to feel. You can’t decide to sit and chill because it’s not real. I essentially lost it. Like over dramatic soap opera lost it. And you just kept begging and crying, and you started getting angry at me and he got to you and… and he… I failed you, and the dream made me stew in that until it was so much it woke me up.”
“Yeah, dreams are absolute shit like that,” Karkat said, and he must have felt him tense because he added, “Hey, it’s okay. I’m right here. None of it was real. Look at me all seeing you and shit.”
Dave just let go of a heavy breath.
“And I don’t think you left me or hurt me. And even if we were in the really fucking odd scenario that your weird little human thinkpan came up with”, Karkat flicked his forehead, “I wouldn’t ever think you left me. If you weren’t right there I know it would not have been voluntary. And hey! Do you think I’d take any of that lying down?”
They both let out a light laugh.
“Yeah, I should have known it wasn’t real. If you were upset I left you there would have been far more expletives.”
“Fucking exactly!”
“And you’d at least try and get a couple hits in before… you know.”
Dave was saying things. Things he thought would make himself feel better. But even then, his mind took shots at every attempt.
Yeah, that’s how scared and broken I let them get him. What could have happened to make him that frail and terrified? What hurt him so bad he stopped being himself? What did I let happen to him?
Pushing the thought away he leaned back onto Karkat. He closed his eyes.
“I’m just glad you’re okay.”
“Of course. Being annoying and persistent are some of my greatest strengths. I’m not letting you go Strider.”
Dave finally let his muscles relax.
But not all the way
“I sure hope so.”
He felt Karkat relax and fall asleep around him. Sleep would not return to Dave easily, and he knew this. He laid there, feeling his boyfriend’s pulse. He let the subtle badum in Karkat’s veins tell him that everything was okay. He stared at the wall, darkness obscuring any details available. With nothing in particular to focus on he thought to himself
Will it always be like this?
He didn't know if he meant the nightmares or him and Karkat together. He didn’t know which was worse.