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The setting sun concluded the day with a foggy yawn, and the moon rose in a blink of the eye. Thirty days left of high school. Thirty days until college. Tasuku knew that this change would bring some problems, but hopefully also answers.
It was the third time this week that Tasuku brought Anonymous to the top of the observation tower, or rather, he was led by Anonymous. He talked his head off, and while they didn’t listen as per usual, it was… nice to get his thoughts out. But that all came crashing down when Anonymous spoke, “You know you won’t be able to see me in thirty days?”
Tasuku blinked. “I… Guess so, yeah.”
They hummed, and he could see them watching the moon rise out of his peripheral vision. “I’ll be in the lounge. You have my number, right?”
Anonymous walked away with a small smile on their face. Tasuku laughed. “Right!”
While he watched them go down the stairs in their crocs, he felt the cold wind licking his back, threatening to push him over. He leaned into it and let it engulf him, like lion’s cold teeth wrapping around his body, occasionally prickling at his bare skin. The March air was keeping him upright, and the concrete below was keeping him grounded. He had enrolled in the same college as Touma, and despite the March air and concrete floor, he managed to feel like he was in a free fall.
The days passed quickly. Spring break welcomed him like a sheep wool blanket, comforting and warming him up to the thought of moving to the dorms. Utsumi and Daichi had helped him by bringing boxes to the front door of his dorm, so it was just a matter of making himself at home.
He unpacked the necessities first, and then moved on to the small things. Books, school supplies, trinkets… all of the things that made his room his. He looked at one book in particular, which was a book about aliens, spaceships, and crop circles. He’d owned this one since he was ten.
So engulfed in reading, he didn’t notice someone had come in. “Tasuku?”
“Hm?” Tasuku looked up to find Touma looking back at him. “Oh, hi. Didn’t know you were rooming with me.”
“Thought you would be a bit more excited to see me,” Touma said, but then tacked on, “We haven’t talked in a while.”
“I guess we haven't.” he laughed slightly.
Touma hummed, “How’s Tachibana?”
“He’s good, he just started culinary school… I think he’s getting the hang of it,” he thought back to their conversation last year, “Are you still going to be majoring in ship building?”
“Yeah, naval engineering.” Once he sat down next to Tasuku, he continued, “How about you?”
“Carpentry,” Tasuku said. “I really liked working with the Cat Clowder.”
Touma shrugged. “Me too. How are they?”
“They’re—” Tasuku’s phone buzzed from a message sent by Daichi, which he read quickly. She insisted on sending him weekly updates from the lounge, and this one detailed a new project they were working on. Tasuku smiled at this. “They’re doing good, they’re working on a new house.”
“I see.” Touma got up and began to unpack his things, so Tasuku decided to make himself scarce.
He decided to go outside for a short walk around the campus to check everything out, and make sure he knew for sure where everything was. It was nice, he thought. The chilled air was refreshing after being stuck in a room with Touma, who he never really got over.
Once he got to the outskirts of the other side of campus, he saw a rainbow piece of paper stapled to a utility pole. It advertised a “GSA”, and basic info if anyone was interested. He ripped off one of the tabs that detailed where they meet up every lunch break, and stuffed it in his pocket for later.
Maybe he could convince Touma to come.
When he got back to his dorm room, it was late afternoon. He pulled out his phone, and took a picture of the slip of paper, in case it would get damaged when Tasuku asks Touma about it. He doesn’t know Touma as well as he’d like, so any slip up might get him upset. He laughed to himself a bit. He didn’t realize that March’s lion was still roaming around, ready to bite at any given moment. It was April at this point after all.
Touma looked over to him from his spot on his bed, probably wondering what was so funny. Tasuku clarified, “It’s nothing. I just found a club that you might not like.”
Touma frowned, “Don’t assume things about me. What is it?”
Ah. This wasn’t going well. “A GSA.”
“A what?”
“A gay-straight alliance club.”
“Huh.” Touma went silent. This really wasn’t going well. March’s lion was leaping towards him with bared fangs, and a salivating mouth. If it didn’t eat him alive, his heart would make him bleed out eventually. Touma took a sharp breath in, and sat up on the bed. “Do you have a copy of the club information?”
He handed Touma the slip warily. “Yeah, this is it.”
“Do you have the info memorized?”
“What?”
Touma stared at him for a moment, seemingly lost in thought. “Can I keep this?”
“Oh.” It wasn’t a no. “Sure.”
“Thanks.”
Tasuku hummed. Maybe March’s lion had left him as soon as April’s wool coat had welcomed him. Maybe he was overreacting. Maybe he should tell Anonymous about it.
He dialed their phone number, which rang for a few tones, before they answered. “Hello?”
“What’s the forecast for April going to be like this year?” He heard a laugh from the end of the line. “I’m serious!”
“Probably just rain.” Oh, this wasn’t Anonymous, it was Daichi, who seemed she’d had a bit to drink due to her slurred speech. “Rain all day, week and month.”
Another voice came from the other end of the line, likely Saki. “Is that Tasuku?”
“Yeah… I actually should be going now, you two have fun.”
“We will!”
With that, Daichi hung up, and Touma burst into a fit of laughter himself. “Why’d you call Daichi to find the weather forecast?”
“The call was for Anonymous.” Tasuku said. “You wouldn’t understand.”
“Help me then?”
“Huh?”
“Just tell me straightforward.” Tasuku paused, blinking for a moment, so Touma continued. “If you want to I guess. I can’t force you.”
“I was wondering if this month is going to be okay.”
Touma hummed in acknowledgement, and unlike Anonymous would, he began to offer relevant input. “Why wouldn’t it?”
“I don’t know. Change is hard I guess.” And I’m rooming with my crush, so that doesn’t help.
“It is.” Touma paused. “So why the weather?”
“It was a metaphor I guess. Anonymous and I tend to speak that way sometimes.”
“What for?” By Touma’s tone, he could tell he was getting a bit annoyed.
“After a storm, there tends to be calm after it.”
Touma sighed, “Can you stop speaking in riddles? I’m trying to help, but it doesn’t make it any easier if you’re just dancing around the subject.”
“They aren’t riddles!” Tasuku countered. “I just— you know I still like you right?”
“Mhm.”
“I didn’t want this year to be weird because of it.”
“Because we’re roomming together?”
“Yeah.”
“You’re the one making it weird.” Touma frowned and got off his bed. “I’m going to get dinner.”
“You’re the one who made it weird first.”
“Sorry you think that.” Touma closed the door behind him, and after a restless hour of trying to fall asleep, Tasuku sensed both the lamb’s coat beneath him, keeping him warm, and the lion outside his door. He counted the strands of wool on the lambs body as he drifted off into a thankfully dreamless sleep, forgetting the lion for a blissful few hours.
He woke up to the sound of the door opening. “Tasuku?”
“What?” He groaned, and checked the time. Ten in the evening.
“I got you ice cream.”
“You can have it.”
Touma sighed, “I’m trying to work with you here.”
“Sorry.” Tasuku sat up and took the square. He unwrapped it and bit into the bar, noticing the creamy vanilla flavor.
“For now or earlier?”
Tasuku shrugged. “Both I guess.”
“I guess I’m sorry for earlier too.”
“Asshole,” he laughed.
“You love it.” And with that comment, the comfortable air turned thick with awkwardness, like a fog rolling in from the sea. He couldn’t tell if Touma was teasing him or not.
“Do I? I only said I liked you, not your assholery.”
Touma flinched. “For someone who talks so much about metaphors and shit like that, you’d think he’d know that assholery isn’t an actual word.”
“For someone who said he wants to understand me, he does a pretty piss poor job at it.” Tasuku shuffled under his sheets, and turned off his bedside lamp. “Goodnight.”
“Hey!”
But Tasuku didn’t hear him, or want to for that matter. He fell into a restless sleep while the boat rocked below him, the calm waves turned stormy, and made him fall seasick in a fit of defiance.
In the morning, he saw a red sky outside his window. He laughed darkly to himself. Sailors should take warning.
Even though he wasn’t a sailor, he could feel the storm along the horizon, coming in at an unknown speed. He knew that the day would be rainy, and rocky, and his boat was already filled with holes from wear and tear, but he was studying to be a carpenter. He could patch them up in no time.
Touma was likely in a class at that point, so Tasuku got up to get ready for his day. He had a basic woodworking class before lunch, when the GSA would take place. He grabbed his bag eventually, after his alarm rang, and walked to class.
After struggling a bit through the first half of class, he started to daydream a bit about the ocean, not too far from where the school was. A slate hue colored most of it on a bad day, and a teal hue on a good one. Neither was ultimately better though, each one had their perks. See, the rocky water can be fun to plow through on a motor boat, and a stormy ocean can be the climax of a film. Teal oceans can be good for swimming, and calm waters can be relaxing. Each provides a sense of joy, depending on the person experiencing them.
Maybe Touma was like an ocean. Rough and loud, but in some ways brought joy to him, unlike a lion. And maybe, just maybe, Tasuku was like a quiet lake, but in one where the wind could plow through at any given moment, and tip all the boats over. He could only hope that Touma found joy in him too.
The class passed quickly enough, likely due to Tasuku’s daydream. He eventually made his way to get lunch, and then went to the designated meeting spot for the GSA meeting.
There were a few people already there in the small classroom. There was someone that looked familiar, but Tasuku couldn’t place his finger on how, so he sat next to her to try and figure out who she was.
“Hey.”
“Oh, hello!” The woman smiled at him. “Wait. You’re… Tasuku, right?”
“Um, yeah!” He laughed, a bit nervously. “Are you—”
Someone walked up behind them, sparing him from trying to guess her name. “Hello Aiba.”
“Touma, it’s good to see you!” Aiba stood up and hugged him tightly, before pulling away.
“You too.”
Tasuku whirled around and saw Touma standing next to her, and turned back to ask, “I met you while we were working on our My Shimanami projects, right?”
“Yeah! Oh, hold on, I have mine somewhere on here still.” Aiba pulled out her phone, and started scrolling through it.
He smiled, and turned towards Touma. “I’m glad you decided to come.”
“Me too.” Touma said. “It seems very… welcoming here.”
“I mean, that’s the whole point. You should feel free to be yourself and experiment?”
“I… yeah. That makes sense.” He fidgeted with the hem of his shirt for a bit, before speaking again. “Tasuku, can I—”
“Here it is!” Aiba grinned, pulling up a picture of some flowers in a barrel. “This was from my friend’s older sister’s flower shop. We used to be able to get some of the old, dying flowers for free, and I pressed mine so they’d last longer.”
“That’s nice.” Tasuku said, but started to frown when he caught Touma glaring at her. “Touma, tell me later?”
“Mhm.”
Touma looked sick from the embarrassed flush he sported. It was a bright rose color, or maybe a bleeding-heart flower if he wanted to be specific, but a saturated pink color nonetheless.
Soon they were distracted by the head of the club calling them over, and the meeting commenced. Yet all Tasuku could think about was the blood-like stamen of the bleeding-heart flower, and the dripping noise of water flowing off it.
By the time Tasuku got back to his dorm, Touma was already in bed. Tasuku sat down on his and started to grab his laptop to start working on homework, but was interrupted by shuffling from Touma’s side of the room.
“Hey, what were you saying earlier?” Tasuku asked.
“Hm?”
“At the GSA meeting.”
“Oh, right. It was nothing.”
Tasuku hummed, and turned to his computer. “Sure.”
“I’m telling the truth!” Touma sat up, indignant.
“Mhm.”
“You’re acting like Anonymous.”
“And you’re trying to change the topic.”
“I’m not.” Tasuku stared at Touma until he finally gave in. “Ok, fine. Whatever. You know how you said I should experiment?”
“Yeah, why?”
“Well, I was wondering if I could. With you.” Touma looked away, the floral flush adorned his face once again.
“Oh.” Tasuku blinked a few times and started laughing a bit.
“What?”
“Am I in a dream?” He wiped away a few stray tears. “Or maybe a really bad nightmare where you say you’re joking?”
“No.” Hurt flashed across Touma’s face for a brief second. He knew Touma was laying his heart on the table here, and Tasuku was only watching it bleed. “I’m not joking.”
“Ah. Sorry.” He came down from his anxious high, and took a deep breath. “I’m… I’m glad you feel comfortable coming to me for this? And I’d be willing to help you get though… whatever’s going on right now, within reason.”
Touma nodded. He opened his mouth to speak, closed it, and then opened it again finally. “I know I like women. I just don’t know if I like men?” He continued, muttering something along the lines of “just you”, but Tasuku couldn’t catch all of it.
“You can like both.”
“Oh.”
Tasuku smiled. “Yeah, I learned a lot working with the Cat Clowder.”
“Do you like both?”
“No, just guys.”
“Huh.” Touma worried his lip. “Can I kiss you?”
“What?” Tasuku blinked a few times from shock.
“I’m not saying it again.”
He shook his head. “I mean… sure? You know I’d say yes.”
“Still wanted to ask.” Touma sat next to him on his bed, and held his face. Tasuku leaned into the touch a bit and closed the gap. He could tell he was right in his theory, of Touma being like the sea. His lips tasted salty, logically due to the fact that they both recently had dinner, but it was nice. His lips were almost like saltwater taffy, both salty and sweet at the same time. As Tasuku cupped his hand around Touma’s face, he started to pull away.
Touma’s eyes were filled with morning dew drops, and clouded over with fog. He blinked it away quickly, but Tasuku still was able to catch it.
“Hey, are you alright?”
“Yeah I… I think I got my answer.”
“Oh.” Tasuku said in confusion. “That’s good?”
“I guess.” Touma shrugged it off, and went back to his bed.
He could hear the rustling of sheets, and snoring after a while, filling the silence of the previously quiet room. Tasuku couldn’t sleep though, not with the emptiness by his side, nor with the warmth no longer sticking to his blankets. He felt his heart slowly crumbling, faster than it had been before. The petals of a cast finally wilted away, and glass shattering sounded as his heart fell to his stomach.
He felt the seed sown in his stomach early the next morning. It was one of worry, a black, jewel-like cluster of a bleeding-heart plant. He felt it throughout the day, burning his throat with it’s vine-like stems, itching to go talk to Touma, but refusing whenever the situation came up. Whether it was in their few shared classes, at the GSA during lunch, or in the dorms, the plant that had made its home in his throat stopped him from speaking about what had happened the previous night.
That was, until Touma came to him later in the day.
“Did I do something wrong?” He was obviously waiting for Tasuku to come back to their dorm, since he put his book he was reading down the second he came in.
“What do you mean?”
Touma looked at him like he was sprouting flowers out his head. “You were avoiding me all day.”
“I was?” Tasuku laughed nervously. “Sorry.”
“Did I do something wrong last night?” He said, ignoring the apology.
“No! You were fine. You were good! Not that I would know though, I haven’t kissed many people before.” Tasuku waved him off.
“Oh.” There was a long pause, stretching the length of a snowy March, where you’d be trapped inside for hours on end with nothing to do but watch the snow fall. “I’m sorry—”
“Don’t be! It wasn’t my first.”
“—I wasn’t done. I’m sorry I… shut down after it.”
“Really, no worries.”
“Well I am worried about it. You like me, and it was shitty to ask that of you when you didn’t even know I like you back.”
Tasuku let out a shuddering breath. “What?”
“Nevermind.”
“No, I need to hear it. I need to make sure I heard you correctly.”
Touma frowned. “I like you.”
“I— This is a lot to process,” he sat down on his bed. “You like me. And I like you. What does that— do you want to do something about it?”
“Yeah I do… I just don’t want it to be public.”
“It?”
“Dating.” Touma blushed. “If you want to, that is.”
Tasuku’s bleeding-heart plant flourished then, the petals clogging up his throat, so all he could do was nod. No longer a weed or a pest, the plant in his chest was welcome to stay, as long as Touma would stay by Tasuku. And wrapped in Touma’s arms, he knew there would be bumps along the road, and times where they fought, but all in all, he knew that Touma was going to be there to come back to, no matter what happened.
They decided Tasuku could tell the Cat Clowder about what arose between them, so he dialed up Anonymous’s number and snuggled up into Touma’s chest. After two rings, they picked up and like usual, waited for Tasuku to speak first.
“I have good news! Can you put yourself on speaker?”
“Sure.”
He heard a tap from the other end, so he assumed Anonymous was ready. “We’re dating!”
“What!?” Daichi nearly screamed.
Saki laughed before asking who. Touma took the phone out of his hands and said, “Me.”
“Tsubaki?”
“Yeah.”
“Wow, nice job figuring that out! You two seemed like you’d never get your shit together.” Utsumi said.
“Language!” Two men yelled at the same time.
“Sorry Tchaiko, Seichirou!”
“Well um, that’s all!” Tasuku said. “Thank—”
“Congratulations. I look forward to seeing you and Touma at the triangle house for your wedding.” He could hear Anonymous’s smirk from the other end of the phone.
“What!?” Touma hissed, but they hung up on him before he could finish. “Damnit.”
“Well, we might have to take them up on that offer one day.”
“I guess we might.”
With the end of that phone call, Tasuku began to drift off, warm fuzzy feelings permeating his mind. He thought about the warming April air blowing through the window, the sailboats dotted across the still frigid ocean, and the blooming bleeding-heart plant nestled inside his chest. All was well then, as he felt Touma against his side, both of them breathing in the salty air.
Together.