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Lumine’s palms are calloused. Years of expertly wielding a sword as an extension of herself have assured this. But somehow they’re still soft, smooth and warm, a stark contrast to his own.
Childe’s hands are stained with blood. Though this fact doesn’t necessarily bother him, he is reminded of it often, and no amount of scrubbing until the skin of his hands are raw can purge this knowledge from his mind. He is a soldier, trained and lethal, an instrument of war, and his hands do well in reflecting this.
Despite knowing all this, Lumine never shies away from him. She is bold when she jostles him with her shoulder, before casually slipping her hand into his own in the daylight, for all of Liyue Harbor to see. There is no fanfare to go along with her actions, no quickening of pulse and no stammering of his heart. It's innocent, unassuming, and yet momentous all the same. The world continues turning, and neither spares the time to question when this has become normal or even acceptable between them.
The tension in the air shifts later that night, becoming more charged and palpable when Lumine follows him back to his hotel room. She toes off her shoes while he shrugs off his jacket, tossing it carelessly into the corner of the room. He sits on the edge of the bed and pats the spot next to him, indicating she should do the same. The nervousness missing from her earlier actions surfaces now as she perches beside him and gives him a shy smile before taking his hand in her own once again. Tentatively and slowly, she begins to peel off his glove, as if she fears he is going to stop her, or lash out.
“Is this okay?” she murmurs, reaching for his other hand when she succeeds in removing the first glove.
“Yeah,” Childe replies, never removing his eyes from her face.
When both of his hands are naked, Childe watches in muted wonder as Lumine takes her time, studying the thin scars that wrap around his fingers and tracing the bumpy ridges that cover his palms. Her featherlight touch tickles him, and he has to resist the urge to squirm. Lumine must notice this, because a small smile spreads slowly across her lips, but she still refuses to lift her eyes, attention entirely focused on his hands.
As Lumine continues whatever she is doing, Childe feels anxiety well up within his chest. Can she see it when she interlocks their fingers, all the loss and devastation these hands have left in their wake? Can she sense it when she presses her lips to his knuckles, all the lives he has cut short without a second thought, sparing no remorse?
“Enough of that.” He chides playfully, masking the unease lurking in his mind. He snatches his hands away quickly, and he feels guilty at the look of hurt that flashes across Lumine’s face at his actions.
Unthinking, desperate to wipe that miserable expression from her face, Childe wraps his arms around Lumine and pulls her body flush against his own. Her body is stiff, shocked and uncertain of what to do. He cradles the back of her head, and gently cards his fingers through her hair. She makes a small noise in the back of her throat, but otherwise doesn't protest as she relaxes into his touch.
“Lumine,” he hums. “Spend the night with me.”
And though he can’t see her, he can picture the way her face gradually begins to take on color, starting at the base of her neck and spreading all the way to the tips of her ears until she is engulfed in an angry shade of red.
“E-Excuse me?!” she stammers indignantly, struggling in his arms.
He laughs, boisterous but genuine, and tightens his hold on her. “Get your mind out of the gutter, Lumi.”
Lumine’s fists pummel his back, but her punches lack any real force, and he’s slightly grateful, because he is well aware of how much strength she possesses. “Me?!” she cries. “You know exactly what you said and how I would interpret it.”
“How could I know your head is filled with impure thoughts?”
“Childe.” She only says his name, but he recognizes the threat laced in her voice, and he can’t deny the shiver of anticipation and desire that runs through his body at her tone. But that’s not what he’s interested in tonight, so he ignores these feelings and shoves them down deep.
“Calm down,” he teases. He lets his arms fall to his sides and she pulls away from his chest to face him. Her eyes are narrowed, her mouth set in a firm line, and though she is doing her best to look unimpressed, her cheeks are still tinged a light pink. He grins, satisfied. “Let’s sleep together,” he says.
She slaps him in the shoulder and he laughs loudly again.
“You're insufferable.” She huffs, but makes no move to stand and leave.
Childe holds his hands in front of his chest. “I just wanted to cuddle.”
Lumine eyes him distastefully. “I doubt that.”
“Honest!”
“Sure,” she sounds reproachful, and he recognizes this as a sign of her wounded pride.
Childe wraps his hand around her wrist before throwing himself into the mattress, pulling Lumine along with him. She puts up no resistance, falling easily into his side, hiding her face by pressing it into the fabric of his shirt.
“How can you fall asleep with the light on?” she grumbles into his shoulder.
“Shh,” he says, grinning from ear to ear. “Just close your eyes.”
“I can still see it.”
“Go to sleep.”
“I can't.”
“Lumine,” he whispers. “You're overthinking things.”
He feels her shift restlessly, but she doesn't open her mouth to deny his words. Instead, her hand snakes between their bodies, and twines their fingers together, her grip on his hand almost uncomfortably tight, but he doesn't dare complain. He presses a kiss into her hair.
“Goodnight, pretty girl.”
She squeezes his hand in response.
Their interactions that follow are decidedly less innocent.
Now, when he leads her back to his room, her mouth clings desperately to his lips, determined to press every inch of her body into his, like she wants to leave an indentation in the shape of her. As if she’s fearful he will pull away if she allows even a centimeter of space to exist between them. In turn, his hands roam her body frantically, grasping and caressing, like he wants to leave a permanent imprint of his hands on every inch of her skin. As if he thinks every time he touches her will be the last.
Lumine is trusting. She possesses an unshakable sense of righteousness that Childe recognizes as neither condescending nor annoying. This fuels her desire to see the best in people. She is hopeful, but not delusional, and he can appreciate that about her, and Childe knows this is what allows their relationship to take the route it has.
Lumine has always been wary of him, he knows this. In the beginning, soon after meeting, she is cautious in the way she deals with him, careful with the information she shares. But slowly, as if recognizing he has no intention of harming her, she lets her guard down. Not entirely, because she's not stupid, but enough so that they can pretend.
Late nights spent together don’t change their roles as adversaries. While it's true Lumine has no ties to this world and therefore has no real investment in the affairs of Teyvat’s residents, she knows that they are meant to be enemies. She is the hero of Monstadt and he is a Fatui Harbinger. They don't discuss their opposing views and clashing goals.
Instead, Childe allows himself to get lost in the sensation of Lumine carving scratches down his back with her nails, and Lumine allows herself to be lulled to sleep in Childe’s arms as he traces mindless patterns on her skin in the dark.
There are no sweet nothings whispered between them. No false promises of something he cannot give, and no declarations of feelings she doesn't allow herself to think about.
Instead, Childe ignores the way he feels his heart pick up speed in his chest when she trains her vivacious golden eyes on him.
Instead, Lumine refuses to acknowledge the way her breath gets caught in her throat at the sound of his laughter, loud and attention-seeking, entirely endearing.
Though it's unspoken, they both agree, it's easier this way.
Lumine is small, but not delicate. Childe learns this lesson long before their fight at the Golden House, but somehow it doesn't seem to take root in his brain until then. He expects her to break, doesn't necessarily desire this outcome, but anticipates it all the same. He should have known better than to underestimate her. After all, this is the same girl he has spent almost every hour of every day for the last few months with. He knows her almost as well as he knows himself.
So while he tells himself he’s pleasantly surprised that every tear in her dress and every cut on her skin only hardens her resolve, he knew it would be like this. Every parried attack and every blow that knocks her to feet only makes her eyes sparkle, alight with a dangerous glimmer.
He thinks, passingly, that he could fall in love with this girl.
It's possible he already has.
But the thought fades as quickly as it arrives, and the battle rages on.
Childe doesn't see her again for a while after that. He remains stationed in Liyue Harbor, but she must know this, and chooses to actively avoid him. Lumine is easy to miss, especially after she took every opportunity to carve out a place for herself in his life, a void that cannot be filled by anyone else. Finally, when Childe feels he has nothing more to lose he allows himself to crave her presence in a way he refused to before.
He still gets caught off guard when his fingers curl around nothing but air at night, in a spot where he is so used to tresses of blonde hair spilling over his pillows.
Sometimes when he’s fighting weak and easily defeated monsters to blow off steam, he glances over his shoulder, expecting to catch a glimpse of Lumine driving her sword into a mitachurl’s chest, and meeting his gaze with a sly smile.
It's driving Childe insane, how many times he turns to his side to make some teasing remark, expecting Lumine to be there, and feeling his heart sink into his stomach when he realizes she's not with him.
So while he's worried about Teucer, he is also extremely grateful towards his younger brother for bringing her back into his life. Even if her lips are twisted into a frown everytime she glances at him, and the only times she addresses him are to make snide, biting remarks.
But by the end of their adventure, she seems to have softened up as she kneels on the dirty floor beside him.
“Still as reckless as ever,” she says, pushing his hair out of his face.
Childe laughs weakly, and ignores the pain that races up his side at such a simple action. “Of course.”
“Didn't think that one through, huh?” she murmurs, and by the shine in her eyes, he knows she is not talking about what happened moments ago.
He opens his mouth to reply when Teucer’s shouts cut him off.
“Big brotheeeeeer!”
Childe swears under his breath as Lumine pulls away from him and rises to her feet.
“I'll take care of him,” she promises Childe. “You should go.”
“Lumine,” he says, but she shakes her head, speaking over him before he can continue.
“He shouldn't see you like this.”
She's right of course, but he feels like protesting anyway.
“We'll talk later,” she tells him, rolling her eyes. “Now get lost.”
This time he does as he's told.
She is his enemy. Maybe he wasn't always hers, but the fact remains unchanged that his duty is to carry out the Tsaritsa’s will and Lumine is all too ready and willing to thwart any and every plan his queen may have. Leaving the Fatui has never been an option. And the idea of Lumine joining the Fatui is far-fetched and laughable, and she tells him this.
“Lumine,” he speaks around the lump forming in his throat, fearful of rejection. “I want you.”
Lumine smooths her dress over her legs, not meeting his eyes. “It wouldn't work. Your loyalty is to the Fatui and the Tsaritsa, not me.”
“Does that matter?” he asks, even though he knows it's a stupid question.
“Of course it does,” Lumine scowls, twisting the fabric of her dress in her fingers.
“It doesn't change the way I feel about you.”
She still doesn't lift her head. “You’d betray me again if those were your orders. ”
Childe can't exactly deny this, but still he presses on. “Look, Lumi, I know it wouldn't be ideal-.”
“Of course it wouldn't be,” Lumine lifts her eyes to meet his and he falls silent. “A Harbinger and the Honorary Knight? It's a doomed relationship, Childe.”
“Does it make you want me any less?”
Lumine falters at his words.
“You knew who I was, Lumi, you've always known.”
She narrows her eyes in defiance, but there is nothing she can say to refute his statement.
“We are always going to be fighting on opposing sides, but that doesn't mean I don't care about you.”
“It's a bad idea,” Lumine whispers.
And she's right, of course. The next time they face each other in battle, he could very well have orders to kill her. And there's no guarantee that a relationship between them would even be entertained by the Tsaritsa. It'd be impossible to keep it a secret forever.
“I want you,” he repeats his earlier words.
I love you lurks in the recesses of his mind and sits at the tip of his tongue but those words are dangerous and once he says them out loud, Childe knows he won't be able to take them back. He is not sure on specifics, but he’s sure that the fall out would be messy and cataclysmic, mostly for himself and his values. So he keeps these words to himself.
Lumine still seems hesitant, gnawing anxiously at her lower lip. “I don't-.”
“Lumine. Do you want me?”
“Yes,” she admits quietly. “You dumb asshole.”
Childe feels his body sag with relief, but he throws his arms around Lumine and pulls her in for a tight hug. She returns it with zero hesitance, despite her earlier trepidation.
“This is going to be a disaster,” she tells him, and she's probably right, but he ignores her.
“I’m happy,” he sighs, resting his chin on top of her head.
“What a sap.” Her tone is fond when she speaks, and even though Childe can't see her, he also knows she's rolling her eyes in exasperation.
And Childe knows, the closer they get the more it will hurt when the time comes that they can no longer ignore who they are and what their roles are in this world. But he allows this inkling of hope to spread throughout his chest, warm and enveloping, and he does his best to channel this feeling into his embrace with Lumine. He lets the fantasy consume him.