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Reki never thought he would vouch for the phrase ‘ignorance is bliss’, but he guesses sometimes life just works like that.
It’s been three weeks since his little bubble of ignorance burst and all he wishes is that he could go back to before. Before he started to overthink. Before things got complicated. Before he realized. It hadn’t been a bad realization, it was kind of good actually. It made a lot of things make sense and he thinks he almost expected it, in a way. Yeah, sure, he had a bit of an identity crisis when he woke up the next day, but doesn’t everybody? Reki thinks anyone in his situation would’ve reacted the same way. That being: freak out for a day or two and then proceed to try to bring things back to normal. Not that he was able to, but at least he was less on edge now. Reki had been so jumpy the first couple of days, he thinks it was a miracle Langa hadn’t noticed.
Because Reki might, sort of, kind of have a huge crush on his best friend.
He didn’t mean for that to happen but of course it had. This is about Langa after all. The same Langa who had brought complete awe to Reki’s face the time had seen him skate against Shadow. The same Langa who brings a smile to his face everyday, literally just by being there. The same Langa who is always by his side. (Okay, fine, maybe not always, but they decided not to mention or repeat the fight ever again, and Reki is set on honoring that decision). The same Langa who promised to never leave.
Falling for Langa had been so easy Reki doesn’t even know when it happened. He realized the day after Langa forfeited the tournament, his board not yet completely fixed. They had been having a sleepover when it hit him. It didn’t feel like much at the time—and Reki fell asleep pretty much immediately afterwards—but he supposes he had been still in the ignorance stage. Because the realization hadn’t fully sank in yet. It did, however, sink in the next morning when he woke up to Langa’s still sleeping face next to his own. At which point it felt too real and made him fall out of bed. Not his proudest moment.
Following that, was the week-long sexuality crisis. Reki had only ever liked girls, so feeling that way about Langa had been… an interesting development. It somehow made perfect sense while also being completely unexpected. And that was so confusing . On the bright side of things, he found himself an answer pretty quickly. Well, not so much as found as put two and two together. Reki likes girls. Reki also likes Langa. Which means he is probably, most likely, bisexual.
And it seems so obvious now, even if it caused him a headache (and also the taking of way too many internet quizzes). Like a simple fact of life. The sky is blue. Grass is green. Reki is bi. This fact also so happened to put a lot of other instances of Reki’s life into perspective. Like another certain intense friendship, one that had not ended well. At one point Reki had been terrified of his friendship with Langa ending the same way, but he hadn't thought about it in a while. Because him and Langa are different. Reki just can’t seem to put his finger on why.
It might be because this time he’s aware of his feelings but that doesn’t seem like it. Because Reki has known this for a long time. From the day he and Langa first went to the skatepark by their school so that he could teach his friend all he knows. There was something on the way Langa looked at him. Something different. Something good. Something that told him he’d never be alone again. Something that had been half of the reason their fight had hurt so much.
But it’s okay, because Langa came back. He came back to him . Made clear he would never leave again.
It’s been four weeks since then and they’re once again inseparable. As if nothing had ever happened. They skate to school together. Go to work together. Spend their free afternoons on the skatepark together. Sure they don’t have S to go to anymore, not after the whole thing with Adam and the police, but that doesn’t really matter. Because they have each other.
Reki sighs from his seat, if only it were that simple . It’s not that he doesn’t think all of these things, but that Langa has been complicating them a little. Because ever since they made up Langa started being more affectionate… very much more. And Reki has no idea what to do or think about it. Because they’re never big things, never anything that can’t be explained away with simple friendship, but something is different. Right now, for example, they’re sitting side by side, working on an English project while their teacher grades a test they had taken the day before. They’re sitting side by side and Langa’s thigh is pressed against Reki’s, his foot curling up around Reki’s chair.
It’s such a simple gesture, something Reki is sure they’d done many times before. But Reki had always been the one to initiate them, and he hadn’t this time. He hadn’t and it leaves his mind working overtime and unable to focus on whatever Langa is saying to him right now.
“Reki?” Langa’s hand is in the air, hovering in front of Reki’s eyes, “are you there?”
“Yeah, dude,” Reki clears his throat, “what were you saying again?” His voice cracks a little and he swears he can see Langa’s gaze soften at the sound of it.
“I asked you if there’s any words you need help with,” he smiles when he looks at Reki. The same smile he’s given him multiple times. The one that Reki has never seen Langa use around anyone else. It’s different from the others, something about the way his eyes soften and crinkle ever so slightly upwards. Reki doesn’t know what to make of that either.
So he decides to focus on his work, the English text he and Langa are supposed to be reading. It’s a poem, a short one Reki is pretty sure is aimed at kids, and he is proud to say he can understand every word of it.
“No, man, I’m okay.” He smiles back at Langa who then moves on to work on the questions they need to answer about it. The assignment is probably very easy for him, who had been learning and speaking English ever since he was a kid, but Langa paces himself around Reki. He waits for him and teaches him little words and phrases. Reki is pretty sure Langa is the only reason why he hasn't failed English yet.
He answers the first question, and then the second, going down the list and checking his answers with Langa. And if Langa notices the way Reki twists his foot around the leg of his chair, he doesn’t mention it.
Reki can hear Langa yawn from behind him as they walk out the door. It’s around five in the afternoon and them, Joe, and Cherry had been watching Miya compete against some other kids his age. He had won of course, and Reki is very proud of him. Of this little pretend family they have. Of Miya who he views as a younger brother, of Joe and Cherry who take the role of bickering married couple, even of Shadow, the weird uncle who couldn’t come today because of work. Reki tries not to think too hard about what this dynamic would make of Langa.
They meet with Miya outside to congratulate him, Reki’s hand ruffling Miya’s hair as he pretends not to enjoy it. The kid would never admit it, but Reki knows he had gotten attached to them too.
“Would you all like to come by the restaurant later?” Cherry says, completely unprompted. Which causes Joe to gasp in a way that sounds almost offended, “I think Miya deserves to celebrate, on the house, of course.”
“Hey!” Joe turns to him, “you can’t just go around offering free food at my restaurant!” Cherry looks back at him, gaze flickering up and down, and scoffs.
“You can afford to give out a free meal every once in a while, you useless gorilla”
Reki doesn’t hear what Joe says back, he doesn't hear the little insults Cherry throws the chef’s way either. Not when he’s too busy looking at Langa from the corner of his eyes. Langa who looks like he is going through all the stages of grief in under ten seconds. Reki laughs again.
“Sorry guys, but we can’t,” Reki throws an arm around Langa, mentally cursing himself because he can feel his friend stiffen under his hold. But Langa doesn’t push away, instead he just stands there, looking at Reki. A faint pink on his cheeks due to what Reki assumes is the heat, “we kinda have plans for tonight.”
Reki should’ve expected the look Joe gives him next. He should've expected Joe to read into it. Not that he blames him, he had been having the same thoughts. His arm is also currently around Langa. Shit . “ Oh ?” Reki can feel his face heat up as he gets his arm off his friend’s shoulder, Joe has an obnoxious grin on his face, “please, do tell.”
Reki looks down, avoids looking into his eyes. He wonders what god he had possibly pissed off to be in this situation right now, because there is no way this isn’t some sort of karma. Because Joe knows. Reki told him about two weeks after his initial realization, desperate to make sense of what had become of his life. Reki had stopped at Joe’s restaurant after hours, he had been skating by when he saw the lights on and, well, a midnight snack never hurt anyone. Joe had been cleaning up, and Reki said he could leave but the chef insisted on making him something. Joe said he noticed Reki had been off the past couple of days. And Reki had told him everything before he could stop himself. Joe only laughed and said he should “just tell him, kid.” Yeah, right, as if.
Reki can see Langa stand up straight in his peripheral vision. He is looking at Cherry who is staring back, for a second Reki swears he can hear the man’s thoughts, ‘ well, explain it’. Langa looks away first, “we’re gonna eat at my place today, my mom wanted to make Reki something and stuff...” his voice gets smaller and smaller until he trails off, looking down at Reki.
Reki still feels Joe’s gaze on him when he turns to Langa. Deeply aware of the fact that the gesture will only increase Joe’s ammunition to tease him, but that’s okay. It’s okay because Langa is looking at him with that smile again. Langa is smiling at him and there is no universe in which Reki won’t return it. Joe looks like he’s about to say something else when Miya chimes in.
“ Ugh , you guys are so gross,” Miya rolls his eyes, Reki can’t help but notice that he puts no venom in his words, “I swear if I have to see you kiss I’m going to throw up.”
What?!
Reki feels himself jump—immediately tripping and falling to the ground—and while he can’t see it he thinks there’s a pretty good chance that his face is as red as his hair right now. Great . He tries to ignore the way Joe laughs when he accepts Langa’s hand, pushing himself up. He also tries to ignore the way Langa doesn’t meet his eyes for the rest of the time the five of them spend together. He tries to tell himself it doesn’t hurt. Not even a little bit. Not even at all.
Reki would be lying if he said he wasn’t nervous when he went back with Langa to his house later that day. Despite what Joe (and maybe also Miya?) seemed to think, it isn’t a big deal. It isn’t supposed to mean anything. Langa had just been spending a lot of time over at Reki’s so his mom decided to invite Reki over. And that was totally normal. Completely ordinary platonic best friends behavior. There is no reason to think anything else. No reason at all.
But that doesn’t mean Reki had felt normal. He had been really nervous, wanting to make a good impression. He was scared that Langa’s mom would think he wasn’t good enough to be his friend or... something like that. No, yeah— that was definitely it. Turns out he had no reason to worry. Because Nanako Hasegawa is genuinely so nice. She asks him about school and skating. About the fact that he makes boards, that he made her son’s. It’s easy to talk to her and Reki can’t help but think that his mom would love her if they ever got to know each other. Which, of course, sends him into a slight panic because where did that just come from?!
Langa leaves to use the restroom at one point, his hand lingering on Reki’s chair for a second as he passes by. Reki tries his hardest to pretend to not notice. Instead he keeps looking straight forward, staring at somewhere between his empty plate and Langa’s mother. Until he hears her speak, that is.
“Reki, I wanted to thank you,” he looks up in record time, she smiles when their eyes meet, “for taking care of Langa. He was so sad after…” she gestures vaguely, waving her hands in the air, “you know, but he got a lot better after meeting you. I don’t think I’ve seen him this happy in a long time”.
Oh, wow , okay. Reki did not expect this. It brings a warm feeling to his chest, a familiar one he felt often when around Langa. Or when thinking about him. Same difference. He has no idea what to say, though, so he decides to smile back at Nanako. Who in turn tells him he’s ‘ a good kid ’. Reki thinks that is the highest praise he’s ever received.
He hears Langa yawn as he makes his way back to the table, “what were you guys talking about?” Reki is quick to say ‘nothing’, failing to sound even slightly convincing. Though, it gets exponentially even less so when he hears Langa’s mom saying ‘you’ at the exact same time. Langa just laughs and shakes his head, resting it against the table. A small laugh, so low Reki isn’t sure whether he imagined it or not. He is sure, however, that he imagined the faint pink dusting Langa’s ears. He must have.
Trying to focus on something—anything—else, Reki offers to help Nanako clean up. But she just smiles and says that it’s okay. And also that he’s welcome back whenever he wants. He doesn’t think she has any idea how much that means to him. Reki shakes Langa’s shoulder, who still has his head down, almost falling asleep on the table. It’s adorable .
“Hey dude, I’m gonna go now,” Langa looks up at him, “walk me to the door?” Reki doesn’t actually need him to, not when he can see the door from their place in the table. Langa definitely knows that. But he gets up anyways, sleepily walking Reki out. Reki steps outside while Langa stops in the doorway.
“See you tomorrow, Langa,” He throws an arm around Langa in a half hug, because Langa is probably only half conscious right now and definitely won’t be thinking too much about it. Reki had been avoiding outright hugging his friend since the realization, his brain half convinced Langa would find out. But he never did and Reki isn’t sure how he feels about that.
“Goodnight, Reki,” he feels Langa move, his head tilting downwards. Before Reki can process what is happening, he feels Langa’s lips touch the corner of his mouth for what is probably less than a second. And then Langa is moving away. Reki is frozen in time and Langa is moving away before Reki can think of how to react. Langa smiles, yawns for a third time, and closes the door. And then it’s just Reki. Standing on Langa’s front step, his face burning and his heart beating so fast he thinks it could be heard from a mile away. Because Langa had (kind of) just kissed him. Reki’s best friend, the one he has a massive crush on, had just kissed him . This has to be a joke. It has to be a dream. It must be. There is no way Langa could possibly like him back. Right ?
It’s been three hours and Reki can’t sleep.
Which, fair, he’s an insomniac, but it’s different this time. The reason he can’t sleep isn’t because of classes or his job or S. It isn’t because of stress or the fact that he doesn’t feel sleepy. It’s because he can’t stop thinking. He can’t stop thinking of tonight. Of his dinner with Langa’s mom. Of the way Langa walked him out of the door, barely awake. Of the way Langa leaned down. The way Langa leaned down to kiss him. The scene plays in his head again and again. There must be an explanation for it. Langa hadn’t actually kissed him straight on the lips, so maybe he had meant it as a friend…? Maybe it’s a Canadian thing . Reki has heard people from Canada are supposed to be really nice, so who’s to say that isn’t normal to them. Normal to Langa. Yeah, that’s probably it.
But then why didn’t he do it before?
Reki stares at the ceiling, or what he thinks is the ceiling, it’s not like he can see anything in the pitch black darkness of his room at four in the morning. This doesn’t make sense. He sighs while getting his phone from where it lays charging, maybe the internet will have the answer. He googles it once, then twice, then three times, each time with different words but the same sentiment. It had been a friend kiss, he couldn’t afford to risk thinking it was anything else. And he did find articles, about how in the west sometimes friends greeted each other with kisses on the cheek and whatever else. Maybe that was it. Maybe Langa had been aiming for his cheek but missed. That makes sense (right?). Reki puts his phone back and forces his eyes closed again. This is fine, just move on, pretend it never happened.
It is fine, Reki promises himself, just go to sleep.
But sleep never comes.
Reki doesn’t have to open his eyes in the morning. He never gets to close them in the first place. He watches as the sunlight as it starts seeping through his window, slowly reflecting itself on his posters. It’s a beautiful sight, and Reki can’t bring himself to appreciate it. Because it’s a weekday, Thursday to be exact, and he doesn’t think he’ll be able to get through the day. It’s not that he hasn't pulled all-nighters before (that happens way more often than it should, actually), but it feels different this time. It is different this time. This time he won’t be able to just relax and also, maybe, nap during classes. Not when the scenes of the previous night keep repeating themselves inside his brain over and over again.
He gets up only half willingly. It’s still early, way earlier than when he normally starts to get ready, but the sooner the day starts the sooner it will end. Maybe. Reki is aware that doesn’t actually make sense, but the illusion brings him comfort, so he figures he can just silently pretend it does. That way it’s not like anyone can tell him otherwise.
He moves slowly, fidgeting with his phone and stalling just long enough so that he’d come get breakfast at a reasonable time. His mom smiles at him when she gives him his bento box for the day. He does his best to smile back, afraid it won’t look genuine enough, but apparently it does. Because all she does is wish him a good day at school and tell him not to come back home too late. Like she always does. Her smile is as warm as always, it helps ground him a little. Today is just a day like any other. It will be okay. He will be okay.
Reki is not proud to say he almost considers taking a different route so he wouldn’t have to skate to school with Langa. But then he remembers the first time that happened. It had been during the fight, Reki had gone to school alone and left Langa behind. Langa had gotten there late that day, mere seconds before the bell rang. Reki never asks but he doesn’t need to. Because he knows. He knows the reason is that Langa had been waiting for him. For someone that wouldn’t come. That must have hurt and Reki never wants that day to repeat itself.
Langa is already waiting for him when he gets to their spot. He raises a hand and Reki only hesitates for a second before bringing his own up and against Langa’s, a gesture they’ve done many times before. That they do everyday. Because today is just like any other day. Reki hopes if he keeps telling himself that, it will become truth.
Langa doesn’t mention last night. He doesn’t seem any more shut off than usual either. Quite the opposite, actually. Langa wears a smile on his face while they skate their way through the streets of Okinawa. It’s not a big one like Reki’s, his teeth don’t show and it could easily be missed if the person seeing it didn’t know Langa’s facial expressions well. But Reki notices. Reki notices and he thinks it fits his friend perfectly. It’s such a Langa smile. Reki thinks he could look at it all day.
The day actually manages to proceed as usual for the most part. And that is exactly the problem. Reki doesn’t know what he expected—or rather hoped for. But it was not this. The complete normalcy of an ordinary Thursday. Maybe that answered it then, Langa had meant the kiss as platonic. He had probably been aiming for Reki’s cheek and missed slightly. This is fine, it makes sense. This makes sense. Nothing had changed between them. Reki had been worrying for nothing. This is a good thing. But why does he feel so disappointed?
They’re eating lunch on the roof when Reki decides he should probably get a verbal confirmation from Langa. Purely for educational purposes, of course. If it truly was a Canadian custom then he could use that to get Langa to talk about Canada more. The country seems so interesting to Reki, but Langa never talks much of it. Probably because he doesn’t know what to say. Most things Reki asks about are met with surprised remarks about how it never occurred to Langa that Reki would like to learn about them. They just weren’t in his head. Reki finds it pretty endearing.
He breathes slowly. Inhale. Exhale. In. Out. He can do this.
“Hey, Langa,” his voice is surprisingly steady, but Reki knows that won’t last long. Not when Langa stops mid bite to look at him, as if whatever Reki is about to say is the most important thing in existence, “what was that about yesterday? Is it, like, a Canadian thing?”
Langa frowns slightly, “what do you mean? Like, the dinner? I thought it was pretty common—”
“No, I mean like,” Reki interrupts, “the kiss…? On the doorstep, when I was leaving,” he looks away and scratches the back of his neck. It’s okay that he avoids looking at Langa while he finishes the sentence. It’s okay because at least he was able to say it.
It is not okay, however, that he hears Langa gasp and choke on what seems to be thin air. Reki looks up at him immediately. Langa composes himself pretty easily, but he leaves a hand hovering over his mouth, his blue eyes are wide and his face flushed. He looks like he might pass out at any second.
“That actually happened?” His eyes find Reki’s, who then nods, not knowing what else to say, “I thought it was a dream.”
There's a beat of silence, and then two, in which they just stare at each other. Neither of them know what to do or say next. Until Reki snorts and starts to laugh. Langa joins in after a second. How did they even get in this situation? Reki had worried all night over something Langa hadn’t even realized was real. How did that even happen anyways? He said he thought it had been a—
“ Wait ,” Reki leans forward and grabs his friend’s shoulders, turning him so they are face to face. "Are you saying you dream of kissing me?” Langa doesn’t answer, instead he averts his gaze, staring at the ground. The blush on his cheeks darken and Reki can’t help the bright smile that overtakes his face, “dude! You totally do!”
“Reki…” his name struggles to leave Langa’s lips, so much so it’s barely a whisper by the time it does. Reki realizes, then, that Langa is scared. Because he doesn’t know about Reki’s feelings. He is probably having the same worries Reki had been having this past while. Reki immediately decides he doesn’t like seeing Langa like this.
He decides he needs to do something, anything, to wipe that look of Langa’s face. But he’s not good with talking about feelings. He feels so much , but he can never quite put them into words. But maybe he doesn’t need to.
“Hey,” Reki’s voice is soft when he grabs Langa’s hand, lacing their fingers together, trying to convey all he can’t say. It’s okay. You don’t need to worry. I like you too. “Can we do it again? Properly this time.”
Langa looks at him, eyes wide with what seems to be surprise, and nods. He nods slowly, as if he isn’t sure he had heard Reki correctly. And Reki leans forward, stopping mid air, giving Langa a choice to back down if he wanted. But he doesn’t. He doesn’t and they meet in the middle. For the first kiss of what Reki hopes will be many more to come.
“You what?!” Reki is laughing. Hard. They’re sitting in Reki’s bed, hanging out for the afternoon. Langa just told him the story of how he (accidentally) came out to his mom. And Reki is laughing because it’s so funny. So Langa. So absolutely adorable . Langa huffs by his side.
“I’m not the one who thought people in Canada just went around kissing their friends for no reason,” Reki doesn’t need to look to hear the smirk in his voice. But he does anyway. He does and he is met with that soft look of complete adoration Langa only gives him. He only gives that look to Reki. His boyfriend . The new word brings a warm feeling to Reki’s chest whenever he thinks about it.
“Hey!” Reki tugs at their joint hands, squeezing a little while doing so, “how was I supposed to know? I’ve never been there before!”
Langa shrugs and pulls Reki into a hug, resting his head in his boyfriend’s shoulder, “that’s true,” he stops for a second, thinking, “maybe you should come back with me to visit sometime. I could teach you how to snowboard.”
Reki pulls back slightly, a huge smile on his face “really?”
Langa smiles back, leaning forward and touching their foreheads together, “really. I think it would be fun.”
Reki shifts to press a kiss to his boyfriend’s lips, fighting back an even bigger smile while doing so.
“I think it would be fun too.”