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Remus sat at his potion station dreading the lesson for today. They were supposed to be brewing Amorentia today and he really didn’t want to. He knew what he would smell once the scent was wafting through his nostrils. He didn’t want to be reminded of his all encompassing love for his best friend. Sirius and he had not talked much. Not since that awful night. He tried not to think about it more than he needed because he had finally gotten past it enough to be friends with Sirius again. Sirius was his best friend no matter what had happened between them. Still, since that night they had barely spoken and they had awkward exchanges of words every now and then.
Although, one thing had started happening more often recently. Sirius had begun this weird staring game that Remus sometimes got caught up in. It started like a competition to see who could do it longer without the other noticing but turned into something else entirely. When they would finally catch each other they would both look away with a lightly tinted blush on their cheeks. It was a new exhilarating past time he had developed. Just seeing how long he could take in Sirius before he inevitably had to look away sent a thrill through him each time.
Interrupting his thoughts, Sirius ran into the potions classroom. His hair was pulled up into a bun with one of those ribbons he had borrowed from Marlene. His jawline angled perfectly making his aristocratic face look almost unreal. He understood in moments like this why Sirius had so many admirers. At night he would dream of being one of Sirius’ lovers, but when morning came he would feel the shame curl in his stomach. He shouldn’t feel this way about his best friend. What would Sirius think? Making eye contact with Sirius reminded him what he was doing and he quickly turned away but not without a blush covering his face all the way down his neck.
As Sirius sat down beside him, Remus looked at the empty cauldron in front of him wishing he could be anywhere but here right now. Lately, he had been getting too distracted by Sirius and it was not good. What would he do if Sirius found out how he felt? He couldn’t handle losing Sirius over him not being able to control his feelings.
Slughorn walked into the classroom soon in a haste and began the lesson. "Today everyone will be brewing Amortentia, so everyone follow the directions on the board along with pages 54-60 in your potions books. If you did your homework you shouldn't have much trouble." Sirius went to get the ingredients while Remus waited patiently. Remus had never been any good at potions so Sirius always helped him throughout the class each time. Today's class seemed to be passing by just the same. The potion was brewed soon and everyone had been eagerly smelling theirs upon completion. Remus could already smell the brew and he wondered what Sirius was thinking right now. Sirius was sitting on his side of the station conversing with James about Lily most likely.
“So Pads, what did you smell?” James questioned Sirius curiously. Remus perked up and listened intently as they moved further away talking. “It was mostly just parchment, ink, some woodsy scent, and chocolate,” Sirius said quietly with his back to Remus. The longer he spoke the quieter he got and Remus had to strain his ears. James just looked at Sirius with a smirk that Remus didn’t understand.
Feeling a hand on his shoulder Remus jumped. “Hey Remus. Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. You must have been really focused.” Lily smirked at him with a glint in her eye. Remus rolled his eyes at her. “Shut up Lily.” Remus glanced over at Sirius and sighed. “So what did you smell in the potion?” Lily shoved him lightly in the arm while smiling softly at him. Remus’ answer was as quiet as a whisper, but it was there and Lily lit up when she heard it. “Chocolate, cigarette smoke, leather, and firewhiskey.” His hands covered his face in embarrassment.
Suddenly, there was a bang and everyone turned toward the sound. A smoke cloud was surrounding Severus while Sirius and James were laughing into their hands. Remus understood immediately what happened. He got up from his seat and walked over to question Sirius and James when Slughorn came over in a hurry to yell at the boys. “Boys, why is it always you three?!” Remus looked up with exasperation ready to deny any part in their prank. “You will be scrubbing all of these cauldrons clean tonight and won’t leave until every one of them have been cleaned without the use of magic.” Slughorn told each one of them. Remus glared at Sirius and James who looked apologetically toward Remus. “Uh Sir, I have Head Boy duties tonight.” James blurted out to Slughorn as he was turning away. “Fine. The other two will do it and you will write me a 20 inch page on Amortentia. Now, I am done with all of you. Get out of my classroom. Be here after your last class and ready to clean.”
Remus scrubbed the cauldron with as much effort as he could while trying to get rid of the leftover scent of Amortentia. All he could smell was Sirius and it was suffocating him. It was too distracting and hard to handle with Sirius right there. The scent was driving him insane. He couldn’t wait to get out of here and go to bed so he could just leave this day behind. Over his shoulder, he could hear Sirius humming while stacking some cauldrons and turned around to help. He froze breathless when he saw Sirius. With the scent of Sirius surrounding him, he couldn’t focus on anything except him. Sirius’ hair had come tumbling down from his bun he had it in earlier after pulling his wand out of it. He looked so beautiful. It had a slight curl to it and Remus longed to run his fingers through it to see if it was as soft as it looked. Sirius was too pretty for his own good. No matter what, but in this moment Remus realized he would always love Sirius. He felt like he was floating. It was this moment when he realized this secret was weighing heavily on him and there was nothing he wouldn’t do for Sirius. He would do anything to keep Sirius with that beautiful smile on his face. It shined like the star he was named after. Maybe even more. Suddenly, Sirius was looking back at him with a curious smile on his face.
“You.” Remus blurted out without even thinking. The scent had finally gotten to him and he couldn’t control himself. Sirius gave him a questioning look and softly asked, “Me, what?” Remus took a deep breath with his eyes closed and then opened them to look at Sirius. Sirius tilted his head which made Remus smile because it reminded him of Padfoot so much.
“I smell you. When I smell the potion I smell you. I thought you should know but I understand-, Remus began to ramble. Sirius was smiling at him all big and beautiful like earlier and then ran across the room toward him. Before Remus could think about it Sirius’ lips were on his. It was like a thousand fireworks inside him went off at once. He didn’t know why Sirius was kissing him but he just deepened the kiss taking advantage of this one moment. He never knew when or if he would ever get this chance again. Finally pulling away, they both gasped trying to catch their breath. “Me too. I mean I love you Remus. I always have but when I did what I did I thought I lost this chance," Sirius murmured. Remus sent him a nervous smile. “I have long forgiven you for that Sirius,” Remus replied with a little force. “It’s just you haven’t talked to me much. So I figured you forgave me for the friend group-,” Sirius began to explain and Remus knew he needed to stop him.
“Sirius, I didn’t know how to talk to you. When all that happened I realized I was feeling much more than a friend should feel towards you. That is why it hurt so much. You broke my heart.” Remus spoke the last part quietly. Sirius was looking at him with tears in his eyes. “I realized I was in love with you and then the one person I trusted more than anything betrayed me and it broke me. I didn’t know what to do. Then we were back on speaking terms but I didn’t know how to talk to you.” Remus admitted.
“I love you too. I understand if you don’t want me now though. I don’t deserve you after what I did. I think it’s best we just finish up here and go.” Sirius turned away stiffly and started going back to stack cauldrons. Remus reached out quickly grabbing his wrist to stop him. “No, I want you so much. Please let me have you because you already have me. Please. I don’t know what I will do now that I know you feel the same. The pain I feel every day thinking I can’t have you would be nothing compared to that.”
Sirius pushed up against Remus kissing him again but much deeper this time. They stayed like that for a while. Just exploring each other's mouths and Remus carding his fingers through Sirius’ hair. They held on tightly to each other as if the other would disappear if they let go. Sirius whined and chased his lips as Remus pulled away. “We should finish up here so we can go. It’s getting late.” Remus spoke breathlessly. “Then we can do more of this when we get back to the dorm, right?” Sirius pleaded with a slight smirk on his lips. Remus chuckled and nodded making Sirius smile wide.
“I knew you couldn’t resist my charm, Lupin.” Sirius confidently strode across the room. “Oh, that is what you call it.” Remus laughed brightly watching him before turning back to his task.