Chapter Text
aether: anyone awake? paimons chatting bs again
aether: hello?
razor: Hunting, sorry
aether: lol its cool
albedo: Razor, Klee asks how you and your pack are doing
xingqiu: lmao what
xingqiu: is there a dog in here or
aether: razor lives with his wolf pack, he was an orphan n they raised him
xingqiu: oh nice emo furry backstory
xingqiu: what's wrong with the air over there
kaeya: nah, what's up with liyue
chongyun: not the mondstadtians coming for us
xingqiu: "mondstadtians"..!?!?
xingqiu: but yeah srsly didn't a whole ass blue lizard fuck you up 😕 😔
xingqiu: frozen 2 lizard up in that bitch
chongyun: FROZEN 2
venti: on GOD linguini unleashed that 5 headed snake on yall 😰
venti: then dipped right after
childe: ayo no hard feelings yeah? 🥺
xingqiu: stfu
childe: w8 back up
childe: linguini? mf what
venti:
venti: this you?
childe: oh hell nah
xingqiu: LMFAOAO
aether: STOP
venti: my guy belongs in ratatouille
xingqiu: whens the second movie coming out
childe: whatever
childe: dab it up mouche @scaramouche
aether: ...
childe: soz cuzzy, fatui only 💪 🥶 🥶
scaramouche: piss off
childe: aite, didn't wanna see your ashy knees anyway
childe: wear some proper pants kid
scaramouche: 😐
venti: the girls are fighting!! 😯
childe: scaramouche scaramouche
childe: will you do the fandango faceass
scaramouche: tf?
childe: it’s a song
scaramouche has left keeping up with tevyat
kaeya: yh u would know, ed sheeran
kaeya: “im in love with the shape of you” headass
childe: okay patchy the pirate
childe: wheres ur parrot
aether: guys stop
razor: My pack is doing well
childe: mf what
albedo: Razor, I asked how your family was doing 10 minutes ago,
albedo: what took you so long?
kaeya: its that crispy wolvendom wifi
venti: LMFAOOO CRISPY
aether: okjajjtuu
chongyun: what
chongyun: what just happened are you okay?
aether: dropped my phone
aether: im an idiot
benny: that’s alright aether, i drop mine loads of times!
aether: amazing
aether: that does not make me feel better
venti: LMFAOO
childe: are you kids done talking
chongyun: kids?
venti: on mama you built like ed sheeran
xingqiu: nah nah nah who’s that kid from harry potter?
venti: ron weasley? 😭 😭
xingqiu: ron weasley 🥺
venti: LMFOAOAO
childe: them ginger jokes so old bruh
aether: older than zhongli?
childe: ayo leave my homeboy alone
childe: he cant reply fast enough with his nokia brick phone
venti: NOKIA BRICK LMFAOAO
aether: where is xiao
venti: he only just got a phone too
venti: probably searching up top 10 tips on how to grow taller
kaeya: aren't you like 4 foot 2
venti: i can choose 😪 😪
xiao: ...Are you calling me short?
venti: nah, just height challenged
venti: mf built like them oompa loompas
xiao: What...
venti: xiao are you growling at the screen rn
venti: go join razors pack
aether: NOOOO
childe: ayo stop, lil mans just growing still
chongyun: the vigilant yaksha is 2000 years old
childe: sure thing frosty the snowman
xingqiu: hey leave him alone
chongyun: uh
chongyun: thanks?
xingqiu: my man frosty did nothing wrong
chongyun: ...
aether: childe really out here saying “ayo stop” to a whole ass archon
childe: im not interested in wind gods
venti: ok.
childe: stan The Tsaritsa 😈 💯
venti: wow
venti: thats crazy, no one asked
diluc: What happened here?
kaeya:
diluc: Tf is that
diluc: I'm leaving
aether: whole ass jumpscare
venti: JUMPSCARE
venti: THE SHITTY QUALITY IS SENDING ME
xingqiu: SHEEEEESH WHITE BOY WEDNESDAY
chongyun: whats on his head
xingqiu: he built different
chongyun: no seriously is that a tumour
childe: its my mask idiot
xingqiu: wow ur so fucking cool
xingqiu: nice mugshot
childe: they havent caught me yet stfu 😐
venti: nah look at the spikes on the back of his clothes
venti: if his head tilts far enough, theyll scratch his scaly scalp
aether: STOPPP
kaeya: where are his lips
venti: bet they dry as hell
venti: probably smacked them together which dusted them off
childe: adding someone who cares about me real quick
childe has added scaramouche
scaramouche: why am i back
childe: im gonna kill myself
scaramouche: k hurry it up
kaeya: why do you have a single blond streak
kaeya: did your cheap ass box dye run out
childe: my hairs natural you fuck
venti: EVEN WORSE LOOL
xingqiu: PUT A CENSOR ON THAT ONE CHIEF 🙏 😣
childe: wtf
childe: why you leaving for, stank ass @diluc
diluc: The fuck does Childe mean
diluc: that your soundcloud rapper name?
kaeya: 💀 💀 💀
childe: nah nah nah
childe: fuck out of here batman headass
childe: mf named “Dark Knight”
childe: knife as hot as your breath
diluc: Mf it’s a claymore
aether: zhongli's online
aether: @zhongli
zhongli: How are you doing, Aether?
zhongli: Have your travels been bountiful?
venti: i know that phone aint bountiful
venti: nokia brick in 2021 headass
xingqiu: archon on archon slander 😫
childe changed the group chat name to childes sluts
zhongli: Childe, there are minors here
childe: shit
childe changed the group chat name to childes cuties
chongyun: that somehow sounds even worse
xingqiu: PLSSS
scaramouche: thats
scaramouche: thats disgusting
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(groupchat) anti-men
lumine: my brothers asking me to join his group chat
lumine: and to add you guys too 😭 😭
xiangling: HAHAAHHA
keqing: bruh
hu tao: can smell their skid marks from here 😰
fischl: Will Bennett be there?
amber: girl you can do better than benny boy
fischl: That's not it
fischl: He broke one of Oz's toys
ningguang: Men will be men.
beidou: nah baby they aint men
beidou: theyre hormonal boys
xinyan: LOOOL FR
lumine: agreed
lumine: lets just go to make fun of them
hu tao: im down 👌 👌 👌
hu tao: i heard mister zhongli has a fresh new nokia brick phone 💀
xinyan: SHEEEESH 🥶
lumine: guys stop 😭 😭
lumine: zhongli's a nice gentleman
beidou: that mans curvier than ningguang
hu tao: LMFAOO
hu tao: HE IS
ningguang: Excuse me?
lisa: The only eye candy we have in Mondstadt is Albedo
lisa: Always busy with alchemy, that one is
hu tao: wow sounds fucking boring over there
lumine: no id love to go back to mondstadt for a while
lumine: aether hangs out with this childe mf nowadays
ningguang: Your brother informed me about "Childe"
lumine: dont even get me started
beidou: is that the ginger guy i see with zhongli sometimes
beidou: he looks so fruity bruh
lumine: STOPPPPPP
-
(groupchat) childes cuties
aether: im adding my sister n her friends soon btw
chongyun: who?
chongyun: are they girls
xingqiu: chill have you never talked to a girl b4?
chongyun: it was just a question...
xingqiu: you get no bitches
xingqiu: zero bitches 🥺 🥺
aether: probs because you're around him all the time
xingqiu: what
childe: my boy aether got all the smoke 🥶 💯
childe: he learnt from the best
aether: whatever, stay away from me from now on pls
childe: cant handle the fatui drip?
venti: someone call xiao on this childe mf
venti: conquer this demon headass
xingqiu: exorcise his hoe ass @chongyun
chongyun: i'm scared
xingqiu: bruh