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His hands shook as he stood in the too long line, eyes pinched shut even though he should really be looking to make sure he didn’t miss his cue. This was fucking stupid. Every fiber of his being screamed for him to run, to escape this stupid decision.
A push behind him caused him to shuffle forward, the pain in his chest amping up even further. Slowly, he inhaled, counting to ten before he pried his eyelids up. The world was a sea of blue polyester and white strings, broken up by adults standing around in muted pastels and shapely blacks. He can do this. There’s a reason he’s here…
Alex’s voice spoke in his head, the same stern tone he’d always used when the boys were being dumb, “You deserve this, Bobby. Enjoy the moment.”
Unclenching his fists, Bobby swallowed down the tears for the moment. He could hold it together a little bit longer. He had to.
Looking around, he tried desperately to find the eyes of Rose. They met him across the field, a sad smile on her face. It held all the promises she’d ever made him and he felt the knot in his chest unwind, even if only slightly. He could do this. He needed to do this. For the boys, for Luke, Alex and Reggie.
Straightening up, Bobby turned his head toward the boy in front of him. It was Luke’s voice that rang through his head as he took another step forward, his gown brushing over his boots. “You’re overthinking. That’s Alex’s job. Just relax, bro.”
Bobby nodded at the voice, a small smile breaking across his face. It was Alex’s job to worry, and he didn’t want that mantle. He could do this.
As he reached the front of the line, a teacher keeping him back for another few moments, Bobby returned his eyes to Rose’s. She smiled and he returned it, nodding slightly. Her face lit up like the sun and he could remember Reggie’s words. ‘Size beautiful.’ If only Reggie had realized Rose was more than beautiful on the outside. She’d only known him a few months and she’d been willing to come to his graduation, to check in regularly. Since his friends had died, Rose had been by his side, and he was so grateful.
“Robert Wilson.” A voice called and his feet automatically carried him up the wooden stairs and onto the stage they’d constructed for the occasion.
Bobby shook hands with the principal and turned, holding his diploma for photos. The echoing cheers in his head weren’t from the audience, but from his friends, screaming and whistling for him.
As he stepped down the stairs, the diploma heavy in his hands, Bobby released the breath in his lungs. None of this would be easy, but he could do this. He’d never really be alone. His boys might be dead, gone from the world, but they’d never leave him. They’d swapped pieces of their souls and the patchwork housed in Bobby’s chest would keep him warm until he saw them again.