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The day Kojiro’s son is born is simultaneously the happiest and most gut wrenchingly horrifying day of his life. He’s 15, how is he supposed to be a good dad? He’s still a kid himself, how’s he supposed to take care of one? He wants to ask Kaoru. Kaoru is always so... calm and rational, so put together. He’d tell Kojiro to get it together, have that stupid AI he’s started coding look up parenting resources. He’d help calm Kojiro down. But Kojiro’s own parents aren’t even there, let alone his friends. How do you tell the guys you skate with that you hooked up with a girl you’re not even that into, only to find out you got her pregnant and also? Maybe totally not into girls in the first place.
Upon considering this, Kojiro thinks he’s lucky Masae’s parents are as kind as they are, or he’d be a dead man for sure.
But here he is, sitting in a hospital room with the mother of his unborn baby and her parents, waiting, waiting, waiting, and having the strangest, most awkward conversation of his life and when his baby boy lets out his first cry that’s when Kojiro decides.
Maybe he doesn’t love Masae and maybe he never will. But he will love his son more than any father has loved their kid before. He will do whatever it takes to support his son and his mother, no matter what.
Masae names their son Reki, and Kojiro nearly cries along with him as he gets to hold him for the first time.
He does not tell his friends where he’s been the next he sees them.
~*~
Reki is just about the only thing Kojiro loves more than skateboarding.
In fact, in order of importance in his life, it goes:
- Reki
- Kaoru
- Skateboarding
- Cooking
Masae is probably lumped in there with Reki, if he’s honest. He doesn’t love her, not like he wants to make her his wife one day. He doesn’t love her like that. But she’s quickly becoming one of his closest friends, he spends most of his free time with her and the quickly growing baby, much to Ainosuke’s chagrin, and to Kaoru’s general upset.
It does sting to not be able to spend as much time with his friends as he’d like, but there’s no way he can put a hobby over his son . He wishes he could tell them, tell Kaoru at least, explain why but there’s no way. He’d lied all throughout Masae’s pregnancy, when he was disappearing to help take care of her, to help her when her parents were busy or gone. He hadn’t known how to tell them, had been too scared to.
And now… now it’s been months, it’s been over a year. Nine months of pre-baby, and six now, post-baby. There’s no good way to tell his friends about this whole situation or why he’s hidden it. He’s not ashamed, per say, but he feels guilty. He feels guilty he’s hidden it from them, guilty he’s hidden from it in a sense. He’s never shaken his responsibility to Masae and Reki, but he’s hidden from the social repercussions like a coward . Masae left school amid a storm of rumors, to finish high school remotely while she cared for the baby, and Kojiro said nothing. He faced no consequence, save the wrath of his parents when he first admitted what had happened.
There’s no way he could admit what he’s done. Not now.
It’s rough, but Kojiro walks into Masae’s parents’ house, and he looks into his son’s face, chubby and smiling, and he knows.
It’s worth it.
All of this is worth it.
~*~
The day after Kojiro gets accepted to an acclaimed culinary school, he, Kaoru and Ainosuke skate S for the first time as JOE, Cherry Blossom, and ADAM. It is the beginning of the end, for them, though they don’t know it.
Masae watches from the sidelines, with little Reki on her hip, the toddler’s wide eyes following his father as he skates, and it is the beginning of the beginning for him.
~*~
Kojiro graduates culinary school what seems like only a moment later, and is, in actuality, three years. Reki is six years old as he congratulates his father on his graduation, on accepting an apprenticeship with a renowned chef. He is six years old when he acts as the ring bearer at his mother’s wedding. Kojiro serves as her brides-man, and he couldn’t be happier. Masae’s new husband is a good man, he’s good to her, and he’s good to Reki. Kojiro considers him a friend. Their family is odd and a little misshapen but it is good.
He only wishes Kaoru could have been there with him.
But his son is still a secret, and so Kojiro stands at his side alone.
~*~
With who his father is, it’s only a matter of time before Reki starts to learn how to skateboard. Kojiro gets him his first board for his eighth birthday, the earliest Masae would allow it, and begins to teach him, though it’s not often enough for him to pick it up very quickly.
The kid’s a natural at the basics, but clumsy on anything more. Then again, he’s eight, so Kojiro can’t expect too much.
He settles Reki’s feet on the board, far apart as tiny legs will allow. The board’s probably taller than Reki is, honestly, but the kid’s adorable standing on it, and he’ll grow into it. Only so much wear and tear a little kid can put on a board. This one’ll last him a good few years, with how careful Masae is about his use of it.
Reki, until he’s got better control of it, is only allowed on the board with Kojiro’s supervision, as they are now. Kojiro’s got both hands on Reki’s shoulders, holding him in place while the board begins to roll. He’d made the mistake last time of giving Reki a little more freedom of movement, and the kid had taken that and run with it, almost literally, wiggling and dancing around on the board until he’d slipped Kojiro’s grasp and started cooking down the hill in front of the house. Kojiro’s entire life had flashed before his eyes in that moment.
As it is, yet again, because apparently not even a hand firmly on each shoulder is enough to keep his little escape artist contained. Reki, enthusiastic little menace that he is, slips Kojiro’s hold once again, hunches down close to the board, like he’s seen Kojiro do before.
And then he tries to get himself into a plank, like Kojiro’s done before, and he promptly face plants into the asphalt, skidding to a stop with a wail.
Kojiro can already hear the riot act he’s about to be read by Masae.
Ah, the joys of fatherhood.
By the time he’s done being chewed out over his carelessness, Kojiro’s tired. He knows it’s just because Masae worries about her baby, and seeing him hurt upsets her. There’s no real anger behind her words, just concern, but it’s still tiring to be so thoroughly verbally thrashed.
Still, he promised Kaoru and Ainosuke he’d meet up with them tonight, so he’s dutifully making his way to the underpass they always use as a meeting place before heading off, only occasionally with a destination in mind.
“You look tired,” Ainosuke says, all bite. Kojiro wrinkles his nose. Ainosuke’s been so… snappy lately.
“Been working overtime for some extra cash, lately.” And he has. Not for new boards and booze and ladies, as rumors would have people believe, but because Masae’s pregnant again, and he wants to help her and her husband out as much as he can. Reki lives with them most of the time, it’s the least Kojiro can do, helping them look after Reki and expenses for the baby on the way. They’re all young, and living is expensive. He wants to pitch in however he can.
He never wants Reki to want for anything. His son should have everything he ever asks for handed to him on a silver platter.
Okay, maybe that’s a little much, he doesn’t want Reki to wind up a spoiled punk like Ainosuke, but still. He wants his kid to be well looked after. Masae and her husband both dote on the kid but money can get tight, and if Kojiro can pull a couple longer shifts and make things easier on them, he’ll do it. No questions asked.
Well. No questions asked by him.
“What are you working overtime for, JOE?” Ainosuke asks, a note is disdain in his voice.
And they’re nowhere near S, nowhere near anyone they’d need to be a little discreet around, but Ainosuke is… falling further and further into this persona he’s cooked up every day, and he’s referring to Kojiro and Kaoru by their real names less and less.
Kojiro would be far more worried about it, would spend more time trying to figure out what’s going on with his friend, were it not for the baby on the way and his need to support his son. He almost asks right then and there, they could skip S and hash this out right now. But he turns and instead of seeing Ainosuke, he sees Kaoru. Kaoru, looking at Ainosuke like he’s hung the sun and moon, just for walking next to them down the street.
Kojiro can’t drag him into whatever blowout that questioning Ainosuke would inevitably lead to.
“I wanna buy a new set of knives for myself. Ones I got now are getting old,” he lies instead.
And they walk through the gates and take to their boards to the screaming cheers of S fans and participants.
~*~
Four months later, ADAM—not Ainosuke anymore, ADAM— gets into a car and drives out of their lives.
Kojiro wonders if maybe, just maybe, he should have tried harder.
That thought eats him up inside for days, as he watches Kaoru’s heart break, as Kojiro himself mourns the loss of his friend, who’s only a phone call away, and completely unreachable all at once.
And then Masae calls him, on her way to the hospital, in labor, and asks him to come get Reki early. All thoughts of Kojiro’s loss and how much he wants to be at Kaoru’s side get shoved to the back of his mind.
His son needs him.
So that’s where he’ll be.
~*~
Kids grow fast, as it turns out, and before Kojiro knows it, Reki’s coming home one day, board and backpack tossed to the side at the door with his shoes and a smile on his face. Technically he still lives with Masae, but with the twins getting a little older and a lot more destructive, Reki’s been spending a lot more time at Kojiro’s apartment lately.
And Kojiro’s glad for that on days like today, because he gets to see his son like this, clearly fresh off some good news, and looking for someone to tell it to.
“Well, out with it kid. What’s got you grinning like that?”
Reki drops into a chair near where Kojiro’s sitting to go over the restaurant’s ledgers, the kid’s grin only growing as he looks at his dad.
“I got a job! I got a job at Dope Sketch, that shop downtown? Dad, it's gonna be awesome! I’m gonna get paid to do skateboarding stuff! How wicked is that?!”
Kojiro can’t help but match his son’s grin.
“You didn’t tell me you were looking for a job! Look at you! Shit, Reki, that’s great! I’m so proud of you!”
Reki beams even brighter at Kojiro’s praise. “I wanted to find a way to help Mom out, and if I have a job, I can pay for some of my own stuff, so it’s easier for her. The twins need a lot right now, that’s gotta be expensive, right?”
God, his kid’s heart is so big Kojiro’s surprised his body can contain it.
“Bud, that’s not something you need to worry about. You’re still a kid. Your mom and your step-dad are doing just fine, and if they weren’t, I’d help them out, just like we’ve always done. All of us are a family. We look out for each other. But you don’t need to be watching the finances just yet. Save up what you make at that job of yours. Maybe buy yourself a new deck and those trucks you’ve been eyeing for a while. Worry about yourself a bit, Reki.”
Reki looks a little sheepish for a moment, but only just a moment. The second Kojiro mentions the trucks, Reki lights up and pulls out his phone to show off a sketch of a new board idea he’s got.
On Kojiro’s phone, a text from Kaoru, telling him to expect Kaoru at the restaurant soon, goes unnoticed.
~*~
Raising a child, Kojiro knows, is not all sunshine and rainbows.
But Reki is such a happy and easygoing child that finding him hunched over with tears in his eyes hits Kojiro doubly hard as it should. He knows Reki’s been having a bit of a tough time lately, has talked it out with him a couple times already, but still.
His son should not look like this.
His son should not be shutting himself away from the best friend he’s ever had.
His son should not be hurting like this.
“Dad what if I’m just not good enough? I… I mean I’m JOE ’s kid, and what… the most impressive thing I’ve done is make Langa’s board! I’m nowhere near as good a skater as you! I’m nowhere near as good as Langa! I’m not even good enough for you to tell Cherry who I am!”
Kojiro thinks he’d rather take a knife to the chest than hear anything even remotely close to those words again.
“Reki that is not true,” he says, serious in a way he rarely is.
“It is! It has to be otherwise why can’t people know you’re my dad! Why can’t he know? He’s your best friend, and I’m still a secret!”
Now, Kojiro has felt guilty for keeping Reki a secret many times over the years. He’s felt bad about being dishonest to his friends, for lying to them about where he’s been or what he’s doing and why. He’s felt guilty about this stupid choice plenty.
He has never felt so abjectly horrid.
“Yeah. Yes, you are a secret from Kaoru but that is not because you’re not good enough. Don’t you dare think that. I haven’t told him because I made a stupid choice when I was barely your age and I’ve been too much of a coward on this to figure out how to fix it. I didn’t tell him and Ainosuke about you when you were born because I was scared when I had no reason to be, and then I’ve just been… psyching myself out of fixing that mistake for years. It is not your fault.” The bowls Kojiro had brought over for them both are sitting forgotten on the table. He places both of his hands on Reki’s shoulders, squeezing tight. He needs Reki to understand this.
“You are more than good enough. Skateboarding is important to both of us, I know that, but your worth is not defined by how fast you complete a course, or how many times you challenge someone to a beef and win. You are my son, and that alone makes you the single most important person on the entire planet. You get me, kid? You could never touch a board again and I couldn’t stop loving you if I wanted to. But you shouldn’t stop doing something you love because you’re not up to some ridiculous standard you’ve got in your head, yet. Keep going, keep improving. You’re still a kid. You have all the time in the world to keep getting better, Reki. Give yourself that time if skating still means something to you.”
The tears in Reki’s eyes begin to fall and Kojiro panics. Did he say something wrong? Should he have said more? Less? Brought a different comfort meal? He forgot Reki’s favorite tea! How could he be so dumb? He needs to—
Reki flings his arms around Kojiro’s neck and squeezes so tight Kojiro thinks he might die.
He just pulls his kid close and hugs him back just as good as he’s getting.
“I don’t wanna stop skating, Dad, but I… I’m not good enough. I can’t hold up compared to you all.”
“You’re not up to our level yet . You don’t have those skills yet . That doesn’t mean you never will be, Rek. Langa’s been on a board since he was what, two, you said? Your mother wouldn’t even let me put you near one until you were eight. He’s got a good few years of learning on you. Give yourself a chance to catch up. Okay?”
Reki sniffs, and buries his face in the crook of Kojiro’s neck as Kojiro just holds him for another minute. A little while later, Reki mumbles something unintelligible into the collar of Kojiro’s shirt.
“What was that, bud?”
“I gave back my S pin. Can’t get in anymore,” Reki admits sheepishly.
Kojiro can’t help but laugh.
“Don’t you worry. I know a guy. I think I can get you back in.”
~*~
Reki’s first beef after he finally returns to S a couple weeks later is going expectedly well. Kojiro made sure to take extra time out of his schedule to work with him, and watching all that hard work pay off as Reki tears down the course is making Kojiro’s heart soar. That’s his fucking kid. He’s amazing.
They’re nearing the finish, and Reki’s got a couple yards on the other guy, some nameless nobody Kojiro couldn’t be bothered with when he’s watching his son absolutely dominate this race. The finish line is right there, Reki’s almost across it, he’s won, he’s done it, he’s—
He’s flying off his board.
To Kojiro’s absolute horror, he watches on the screen as Reki’s board catches on something unseen and stops, and Reki keeps going.
He watches his son’s arm snap, while the other guy rolls across the finish with a smug smirk on his face.
Kojiro’s heart stops. This cannot be happening. First Kaoru getting hit mid-beef, now this happening to his son… This has to be some sort of cosmic joke. This can’t be real. Why couldn’t either of these things have happened to him? He’s better equipped to take a hit, and even if he wasn’t, he’d take the same damage a thousand times over before seeing people he loves get hurt like this again, he can’t take this.
He takes off running.
He doesn’t really remember how he gets to the bottom of the hill, into the abandoned mines. Shadow’s voice echoes in his mind and the vague idea of the inside of a car rattles around. The clown probably drove him. But that’s not important.
Kojiro can't hear anything as he shoves his way through the crowd, heart thundering so loudly in his chest it drowns out even the shouting from all the spectators around him. It doesn't matter, though. He doesn't need to hear, right now. He doesn't need to be aware of anything else. He doesn't need to worry about secrets or friendships or anything else right now. He needs to get to his son, lying on the ground at the end of the course, broken arm cradled to his chest.
The guy who challenged Reki is standing off to the side, watching like he didn’t pull a dirty trick in the last five fucking seconds of a race, that stupid smirk still on his face. For a moment, as Kojiro lays eyes on him, the determination to get to Reki dies down. It pushes to the back of his mind and is replaced with an overwhelming need to make this asshole hurt like he hurt Kojiro’s kid.
That one moment is enough.
Kojiro stalks over to the guy, who doesn’t drop that stupid fucking smirk even as the one and only JOE gets up in his face.
“JOE! How can I help you, man? Hell of a beef, right? I really pulled through at the very end th—”
He doesn’t get to finish his sentence.
Kojiro cracks a fist across the guy’s jaw hard enough that he can feel it in his own teeth, sending him sprawling with just that one hit. It’s not enough. This man hurt his son. Kojiro’s out for fucking blood.
“He’s a fucking kid, you asshole! There’s a line you don’t cross, not even here, and it’s putting kids in the goddamn hospital . Who the fuck do you think you are!” Kojiro shouts, rage consuming his every thought as he steps forward, hunched down so he can swing on the guy again, and again, and again, and—
The next he knows he’s being hauled back by the collar. Two tiny hands are pressing against his shoulders. Someone is shouting his name. Well. Multiple someones are shouting his name.
He picks out Kaoru’s voice from the cacophony, and takes a deep breath. When he’s calm enough to think rationally again, he takes stock of the scene around him.
The guy who sabotaged Reki is struggling back to his feet, his face a bloody mess and his nose definitely broken. He spits out something that Kojiro can’t be assed to listen to and walks away as Kojiro continues to survey the rest of the crowd. And there is a crowd, a mass of spectators gathered around them. Kojiro scans them, and decides to ignore them.
Miya’s the one connected to the tiny hands on his shoulders, looking up at Kojiro in something close enough to fear that it immediately makes him feel guilty. Shadow’s the one that’s got him by the collar. Kaoru’s standing just behind Miya, eyes wide in disbelief.
Langa’s on the ground a few feet away, Reki half pulled into his lap.
Reki’s about half conscious.
His eyes are hooded, the rest of his face contorted in pain and his arm bent in a direction it’s not meant to bend.
Any anger left in Kojiro dissipates the second he lays eyes on his son.
That’s his baby , lying there, hurt. That other guy can go fuck himself, Kojiro’s got to focus on his son.
Careful not to knock into Miya, he shrugs out of Shadow’s hold and rushes to drop to his knees at Reki’s side.
“Hey, hey kid, I’ve gotcha. You’re gonna be just fine.” He smiles at Langa, who looks a half step away from panic. “He’s okay. We’re gonna get him to a hospital, and they’ll patch him up and it’ll all be fine, alright? Call your mom, tell her you’ll be home late, get in the car with us. He’ll want you there when he comes to.”
And with that, he scoops Reki up into his arms and carefully maneuvers into the backseat of the van, trying not to feel too bad about the way all that jostling makes Reki’s face twist up.
The ride to the hospital is the longest of Kojiro’s entire goddamn life.
Every bump in the road makes Reki wince and whine, and every pained noise from his son makes Kojiro’s chest ache.
The few minutes he has to be separated from Reki while he gets the kid checked in at the hospital are probably some of the most wretchedly long moments he’s ever lived.
He feels like he doesn’t properly breathe until the doctor comes back with Reki’s x-rays to tell them that the break is clean, and should heal easily and quickly, and that the probable concussion from knocking his head on the way down will also clear up fast, so long as Reki rests and is looked after. They’re going to keep him for a few more hours to keep an eye on him, and then he’ll be discharged, no problem.
Kojiro conveys all of this in a text to Masae, who is waiting for her mother to come up to watch the girls. Her husband’s out of town on business, otherwise she’d have been at the hospital before Kojiro had even finished telling her which one they were at.
Reki’s mother informed, and Kojiro’s nerves settled a bit, Kojiro finally steps out of the room, heading out to the waiting room to send Langa and Miya in to see Reki. As soon as the kids are out of sight, Kojiro slumps into a chair in the corner of the mostly empty room. With the immediate worry gone, there’s nothing holding him upright anymore. With no need to keep up a facade for the kids, he all but collapses . He’s trembling as he takes a minute to finally process the entire night.
Kaoru, bless him, gives Kojiro a few minutes, at least, before he lays into him.
“What the hell was that back there, you bull-headed fool? People get hurt at S all the time. People pull dirty tricks all the time. What were you thinking , attacking that man like you did? We all care about Reki, and it’s terrible to see him hurt but that doesn’t give any of us the right to hurt someone in retaliation! You’re usually at least a little more civilized than this. You didn’t even act so rashly when ADAM struck me! What is wrong with you?” Kaoru says, his voice low, but his tone still sharp and accusatory.
“I wasn’t thinking. I saw the kid get hurt and I just—”
“Well clearly you weren’t thinking! You were behaving like a wild animal! You broke that man’s nose, and for what? He could press charges against you! Why was this the—”
“Kojiro Nanjo!”
For all the fear Kojiro’s ever felt in his life, he’s never experienced terror quite like he feels in this moment, hearing Masae call his name like that. He stands immediately, and only barely resists the urge to bow in apology.
“Where is my son?”
“Just down the hall. Langa and Miya are with him. Didn’t wanna overwhelm him with people. Doctor says he’ll be released in a few hours, if he stays as is. He’s okay. He’s alright.”
A lot of the fight leaves Masae at that, and she sighs in relief, her whole body sagging with it. She all but lists forward against him, heaving a deep breath. Kojiro understands the feeling. He hugs her back, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of her head.
Her next breath comes as a little bit of a hysterical laugh.
“I don’t understand what you boys find so enjoyable about skateboarding. All this danger and the constant bumps and bruises and all. You… you two are going to cause me a heart attack someday, you know that?”
“We’ll do our best not to, Masae. Go see our boy.”
She pats his chest once, a bitter little smile on her face, and she’s off to Reki’s room.
Kaoru is staring at him like he’s got a second head when he returns to his seat.
“Why are you so familiar with Reki’s mother?” he asks, that accusatory tone back in full force. “Did she somehow wind up on your ever changing roster of women you’re toying with? You better not hurt her, for the boy’s sake if nothing else.”
“It’s not like that. And I don’t have a ‘roster’ of women, you prude.”
“Ah, my apologies, of course you don’t! And I would know that how, exactly, with just how involved you’ve allowed me to be in your life over the past few years? With how little you keep me up to date on your personal life. No, I just get to be there to skateboard with and complain about ADAM with.”
Kojiro scoffs. “That is not fair, Kaoru. You know you’re more important to me than that. You think I’d have been at your bedside like I was after ADAM attacked you if I didn’t care?”
“Perhaps you felt some sort of misplaced guilt,” Kaoru sneers. He flicks out his fan in front of his face, like he’s trying to hide himself. And isn’t that just rich. He starts this argument and now he’s trying to hide from it.
Stress from the night getting the better of him, Kojiro reaches out and swats the fan away with an irritated sound.
“You know that’s not true!”
“Oh do I now!” Kaoru snaps right back. Oh. Those are tears in his eyes. That’s what he was trying to hide. “Do I know that? Because the man you were when you senselessly attacked Reki’s challenger? That is not a man I know. The man that I know wouldn’t go around trying to beat a man’s face in like some raging neanderthal, without a rational thought in his mind, just—”
Kojiro doesn’t know what comes over him, driving him to interrupt Kaoru. Maybe it’s the stress again. Maybe the conversation he had with Reki a few weeks ago. Maybe it’s just seventeen years worth of guilt finally wearing him down past his breaking point.
Whatever it is, it breaks him.
Finally.
“Reki’s my son!”
Kaoru goes abruptly silent. There is a long moment where neither of them speak.
“We all care for the boy, and I understand feeling something like family, but—”
“No,” Kojiro interrupts again, “Reki’s my biological son. He… Masae and I, when we were in high school… It was a stupid mistake because we were stupid idiot teenagers, and we didn’t even have the ‘in love’ excuse, because we were never in love, we were just being careless. We weren’t thinking through the consequences. It was stupid. It was stupid, but it ended with Reki, and Reki is greatest thing that’s ever happened to me. So… yeah. He’s my son.”
Kaoru is stunned speechless for a minute or so, yet again.
“He’s nearly seventeen years old. You kept your child a secret from me for seventeen years, Kojiro?” He looks up at Kojiro, and the sheer amount of pain in his expression is nearly enough to make Kojiro break. “Why?”
“I didn’t know how, at first. We were fifteen. How was I supposed to tell my friends that I was gonna be a dad when I was still a child ? I was scared. And then, by the time I had things a little more figured out, it had been so long, and it felt like the time to tell you had passed, so I just kept… hiding it. Reki’s lived with Masae and her husband most of the time for most of his life anyway. It wasn’t… hard to lie.”
Kaoru opens his mouth, closes it. Opens the fan, closes it carefully. He tucks it away. He stands stiffly.
“Give your son my best.”
And that’s the last Kojiro hears from him for two weeks.
~*~
Exactly fifteen days later, and yes Kojiro has been counting, he opens his door, and is extremely surprised to find Kaoru on the other side of it.
“May I come in?” Kaoru asks, as Kojiro’s still picking his jaw up off the floor.
“Dad, who’s— Oh! Cherry! Yeah, come in!” Reki answers for him as he rounds the corner out of the kitchen.
“You may call me Kaoru, at this point.”
Reki beams. Kojiro can’t help but smile. It’s good to see his kid happy.
“Sure thing! Should I set an extra place, are you staying for dinner?”
Kojiro waves a hand. “Yes. Yeah, just… give us a sec, bud, okay? I think we’ve gotta talk a bit first. Just a minute.”
Reki nods and heads off, and Kojiro waits a moment, listening to be sure he’s not overestimating his limits with the cast and underestimating the breakability of a plate again. Satisfied with the relative safety of his dishes, he leads Kaoru to sit in the living room.
“Wasn’t expecting to see you today. Or for a while. If I’m being honest. Been a little radio silent,” Kojiro says, softly.
Kaoru settles, perched on the edge of the sofa, across from Kojiro. “I needed time to think. You gave me a lot to consider.”
“I get that. I’m not mad. You’re entitled to that,” Kojiro says. And then he waits. Kaoru looks like he has something to say. Kojiro knows that look. He knows Kaoru.
A significant amount of silence later, Kaoru finally speaks again.
“I was scared. You scared me, by not telling me about him.” Kojiro cocks his head to the side, brows furrowed, but Kaoru continues on before Kojiro can ask, voice stilted and body stiff. “You… after he was born, after we graduated, when he started getting older, and presumably you had to be more involved, had to provide for him more. You started to pull away. You were distant and unavailable sometimes. And that is understandable now, with what I know. But all I knew at the time was that you were pulling away from us. From me. And then Ainosuke left us, and it was just the two of us, and we still skated, and traveled, and I enjoyed every bit of that. But you were still… distant. Constantly disappearing or cancelling plans, unable to make them in the first place. I understand, now, that you were probably busy with your son. And of course, I am not entitled to your time. But it felt like I was losing you. It hurt at first, and then Ainosuke left, and then it felt like I was going to lose you the same as I lost him. And that upsets me.”
That may just be the most Kojiro’s ever heard Kaoru say about his own emotions in one go in his entire life. Kojiro actually has to blink away tears for a moment, fighting for his own composure as Kaoru speaks.
He never wanted to make his friend feel that way. This was so far from what he wanted. He can’t believe this went so sideways, that what seemed like nothing for a few months as a teenager suddenly spiraled into seventeen years of lying to the man he loves.
And doesn’t that realization hit him like a bus. Sure, he’s always been aware of the lingering thought that he likes Kaoru, has spent more than one night lying awake thinking about what it would be like to have Kaoru lying with him, wondering how it’d go, how he’d ask Reki what he’d think of having Kaoru as another step father.
But he’d never truly processed, until this exact moment, how much he’s in love with the man sitting in front of him.
God, he’s got quite some timing.
“I never wanted to upset you, Kaoru. I was just… scared. I was a kid when this started, and I was scared, and then it got out of hand, and I was still scared and I was stupid, which isn’t all too good of an excuse but it’s all I’ve got. It’s not because I’m ashamed of Reki, or because I didn’t trust you or anything. I didn’t say anything because I was scared and I let that… decide for me. For years. That’s on me. I’m sorry.” He takes a deep breath, and puts his head in his hands for a second before looking up, a sheepish sort of smile on his face. “And you’re not losing me. You could never lose me.” He looks away, off to the side. If they’re talking emotions, he might as well put it all out there. “I love you too much for you to lose me.”
Kojiro hears Kaoru gasp softly, and braces himself for the inevitable rejection, accompanied by a fan smacking at him, as he’s certain is about to happen.
What he’s not expecting is the sound of a magazine getting swept to the floor as Kaoru climbs over the coffee table to get to him.
“Woah, hey! I didn’t mean to make you that angry!” Kojiro says, a little nervously.
Kaoru’s not brandishing the fan like a weapon though. Instead, he’s clutching at the front of Kojiro’s shirt, almost desperately.
“Do you mean that?”
Kojiro raises one eyebrow. “Yeah? I wasn’t trying to make you angry.”
“No you buffoon. You love me. Do you mean that?” Kaoru demands.
“Yes. About the only thing more important to me than you is Reki. Skating and cooking are close behind you on the list of important things, though.”
The nervous laugh Kojiro lets out at that poor attempt at a joke is muffled by Kaoru pressing their lips together.
It’s a chaste kiss, soft, short and sweet, but it sets Kojiro’s heart racing like nothing ever has before.
He’s about to pull Kaoru in to do that again, he’s been waiting for years for this, he wants more , when there’s an exaggerated shriek from the door.
“Augh! Cherry! Dude, that’s my dad ! Gross! At least wait until after dinner when I leave to go hang out with Langa, god . You two are nasty!” Kojiro breaks into hysterical giggles as Reki continues on, even as he’s turning to head back to the kitchen. “I’m staying at Mom’s tonight, Dad! Thanks for traumatizing me like that!”
Kojiro is still laughing as Kaoru sighs and rests his forehead on Kojiro’s chest. “I suppose I’m staying for dinner then, so we can continue this conversation with no children in the house.”
“ Gross dude! ” Reki shouts from the kitchen, and Kaoru joins Kojiro in his laughter.
Kojiro’s sure they do have to continue this conversation later, but for now, they can just enjoy dinner, they can enjoy each other, this part of their little patchwork family.
And that seems pretty good to him.