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It started with a very pointless conversation: dream home.
“…and then, we’d have a big yard for our dog.” Sayo was saying when she was rudely interrupted by Yukina.
“We’re not having a dog.”
“Eh? Why?”
“They stink.”
“Cats stink too.”
“Not as much. They bathe themselves.”
“You mean they lick themselves, which is gross!”
“Dogs lick their owners, which is even grosser.”
“As though cats don’t lick their owners. And their tongues feel like sandpaper.”
Their daydreaming turned lovers’ quarrel got loud enough that everybody at the Hazawa Café was staring at them. Lisa gave them an exasperated look. “You two do realize that you’re still renting a cramped 1LDK that doesn’t allow pets, right?”
Neither seemed to have heard her. Sayo was busy retrieving Shirasagi Chisato from the PasuPare table while Yukina glared after Sayo’s back.
“Cheater,” Yukina snapped when Chisato sat down on their table.
“I don’t have that kind of relationship with Shirasagi-san!”
“What relationship? I’m saying that you’re cheating by recruiting a helper into this argument!”
At this, Chisato gave a smug grin. “Oh? Is Yukina-chan afraid of losing to me?”
And Yukina’s glare flew onto Chisato, who just shrugged it off like the buzzing of an insolent fly.
“Dogs are high maintenance.” Yukina started her attack.
“Not as much as you, Yukina-chan.”
“I do not need to be walked!”
“You need to be driven. When are you going to get your driver’s license? Wait, you’re directionally-challenged.”
“I take public transit just fine!”
“You mean you get lost inside the metro station.”
Sayo was impressed that Chisato could retort with such self-confidence when she was pretty sure Chisato and Kanon had gotten lost on public transit more times than once, not that she would mention it in this heated moment. Yukina didn’t seem to have realized this point. She only had her own self-centeredness to blame for her lack of understanding of Chisato’s character. Then again, Chisato being Chisato, she probably had a backup plan even if her own inadequacies were brought up. She was the perfect trump card for the “Dog Person” side of this argument!
“You have to pick up your dog’s poop.” Yukina ignored her defeat in round one to start a new round two.
“We dog owners are caring and dignified individuals. We have a strong enough personal identity that we wouldn’t feel degraded by performing such simple and harmless tasks for our best companions.”
“You have to take your dog outside even when it’s snowing.”
“Not everybody is as unhealthy as you, Yukina-chan. I know Sayo-chan likes potatoes very much, but certainly not of the couch variety, right?”
Ako might’ve spurted coffee from her nose, but no actual laughter was heard as Yukina silenced her pre-emptively with a raised teaspoon. She wasn’t too keen on having a 48-hour drums practice session next weekend.
“Dogs shed a lot!”
“I don’t have allergies.”
“You have to pick up the dander!”
“I vacuum regularly. I am a cleanly person after all. Besides, Sayo-chan does all the house chores, so I don’t think you should be complaining, Yukina-chan.”
At this, Yukina shifted her focus back onto Sayo. “Why did you tell Shirasagi-san all about our private lives?”
“I didn’t!”
The exchange made Lisa sigh again. “Yukina, let’s be fair. Nobody in this entire café expects you to do house chores. I don’t think Tsugumi would even let you clean one of her cups.”
Tsugumi’s face visibly paled as she quietly stuffed the dirty cups into a dark place where Yukina couldn’t see.
“And why are you helping them, Lisa? You are supposed to be my childhood friend!”
“This is not canon, Yukina-chan. The author does not see the need to pointlessly remind readers of your childhood friend status with Lisa-chan.”
Yukina was left fuming. Even the fourth wall was against her today. Wasn’t the author her fan? Yukina miscalculated the fact that her fans found the most glee in bullying her – which one of you emptied your stars to pull Yukina’s crying Neo Aspect card?
And so Yukina stormed off to find a trump card of her own. What - or rather who - was both Sayo and Chisato’s weakness? Ah.
Yukina pulled Hina over and plopped the younger Hikawa twin on what had formerly been her seat. Sayo stiffened into a defensive mode almost immediately. Even Chisato’s smile got a bit more rigid.
“And why did you bring Hina-chan into this?”
“She is a cat!”
Lightning flashed across the skies. The lamps inside the café went out for a second, followed by a loud crack of thunder before they came back on again. It rendered everybody speechless.
“Now, Hina. Tell your sister why cats are better than dogs.” Yukina commanded in a low voice.
A moment of silence.
“But I like dogs better!”
Sounds of girl’s band members falling from their chairs resonated throughout the building.
“Why!?” Yukina must know where she had gone wrong. This did not make sense. It should’ve been the perfect card to play!
“Eh? Yukina-chan still doesn’t get it? Look, what animal is Oneechan?”
Sayo’s protests didn’t come as fast as Yukina’s response. “A dog,” Yukina said softly, her face flushing red upon the realization.
“I am a human being! Homo sapiens!”