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Karamatsu watched as mama was taken into the hospital and papa’s worried face as the doctor said she had to stay until the baby due date. Osomatsu-niichan was holding Choro, who was chewing on niichan’s summer school shirt.
He held onto Mama’s bedrails and tried to be brave, and she placed her hand on his head, patting his sleepy hair down.
“I’ll leave Choromatsu and the house in your and Osomatsu’s care. Be a good boy until I come back home, okay?”
He nodded. He was a big brother now, he had to help out. That’s what big brothers did. He let go of the bedrails and held onto Osomatsu-niichan’s hand ready to go home.
***
Osomatsu-niichan had to go change Choro’s clothes when they arrived, so Kara went to see what they could have for dinner. The fridge was full and intimidating, but he spotted yesterday’s rice and knew he could make omurice with what was left.
He pulled out the ingredients, set the heavy wok on the gas burner. He wasn’t tall enough yet, so he dragged a stool to help him work. It took so much time just to break and mix the eggs and then cut the veggies. They were all a weird shape, but at least his fingers were okay.
The food was ready and he went to call Oso-nii. They’d just come out of the bathroom where Oso-nii had given Choro a bath.
Kara looked at his own dirty clothes and sniffed the uniform. It smelled like oil and cooking and he wrinkled his nose. Maybe he should take a bath before dinner. He needed the uniform for tomorrow so he should also put it in the laundry for mama to do.
Then he remembered..mama was in the hospital.
He could do it! He was a big brother now, he could do things on his own!
Oso-nii’s clothes were also in the hamper, so he put the white clothes together. Afterwards, he’ll put the black clothes.
The box said to put a cup of solution for every 3kg. Kara looked inside the barrel of the washing machine and wondered how much 3kg was. There wasn’t much inside, but he’d already put in even his underwear and socks. Who knew cooking smells got that far! He poured the cup in anyway, and sat down to wash himself before he got into the tub with the water.
He was just finishing up when he heard the rattle of the washing machine finishing the cycle. So he wrapped a towel and went to check on the clothes.
There was so much water and soap still left inside! Oh no. He pulled the clothes out and tried desperately to get them to dry out. He dropped the school pants in the soapy water and started the cycle again.
He was so tired after having to wring the clothes dry. He left the bathroom and went to have his dinner and saw that Oso-nii was done and was now feeding Choro. Oso-nii beamed at him and said, “the food was really good Kara, thank you.”
He was so happy to hear that, especially after messing up with the laundry. He smiled shyly and went to dish up his own plate.
The big dish was empty. There was nothing left. He was shocked, but thought maybe Oso-nii had packed the rest away. He checked the fridge, checked the oven and microwave. But there was nothing.
He hesitantly went over to Oso-nii and asked, “did you put away the leftovers? I can’t find them.”
Oso-nii’s face fell and he said, “sorry Kara, there wasn’t much left after I ate and filled Choro’s plate. I thought you already finished eating.”
Oso-nii looked pitiful so Kara decided to forgive him. “It’s okay, I’ll make a sandwich.”
When he finished preparing a meal for himself, Oso-nii came over and helped wash the dishes, leaving Choro to play with his blocks.
He went to check on the clothes and found the black ones okay. So he started the dryer and placed those in first.
Choro was being fussy and Oso said he needed to study. Karamatsu knew that as a third year, Oso-nii was getting yelled at by everyone to do good in school, so he said he’d stay with Choro until he fell asleep.
It took sooo loooong. Choro was full of energy, and Karamatsu had been up really early for school. His eyes started closing, and he tried not to nod off. Finally, Choro started to yawn and Kara took him to the bed they had to move into his and Oso-nii’s room.
Oso-nii was already asleep in his futon and Karamatsu struggled to lay out his and not fall asleep. He set his alarm early so he could check on the clothes and make a bento, before finally surrendering to sleep.
***
The shirt was creased a little funny, but Oso-nii didn’t say anything, still half asleep and trying to change Choro’s clothes so he could drop him off to daycare. Kara packed Choro’s bag, trying to remember what needed to go in. He wished mama was there to help him out. He clenched his fist and told himself it won’t do if he was still depending on others.
The bento boxes had rice from the rice cooker, plums and he’d fried some weeniers. He couldn’t make them into octo shapes, so he hoped it was okay they were whole. His tamagoyaki attempts were hidden in the fridge.
Oso-nii was going to drop Choro off because they only had one bike. Karamatsu knew it would take Oso-nii too long if he dropped Choro and then came to pick him up, so he told Oso-nii he’d walk by himself.
Kara was, after all, a big boy. Even if the walk was a little lonely.
***
After school, Kara rushed out first, he didn’t want to be late picking up Choromatsu from the daycare, didn’t want him to feel lonely if he was the last kid left out. The drizzle of rain came out of nowhere. He remembered he didn’t pack a raincoat for Choromatsu!
If he ran in the rain instead of waiting for the bus, he might be able to get there on time. His bag was over his head until finally he could see their house. Quickly he dropped his bag, took out an umbrella and Choro’s raincoat and booties. He ran again, his clothes wet and cold since he didn’t stop to change them.
Choro’s teary face greeted him. He smiled when he saw the booties and his ducky raincoat and hugged Karamatsu’s leg. Karamatsu patted his head, like mama or papa would do.
The teacher asked him if he wanted to towel off before leaving, so he wouldn’t get a cold and Karamatus shook his head. He still needed to buy ingredients to make curry. They were missing meat. She waved him off, telling Karamatsu what a good older brother he was.
He kept a tight grip on Choro’s hand, even when Choro, who got tired of walking, started dragging his feet.
Karamatsu couldn’t carry him all the way home, and he was tired from running. So he promised Choro he would carry him on the way back from the store, and he did. He didn’t realize how heavy toddlers were. He collapsed the minute they arrived home, too tired from lifting Choro, the umbrella, and the groceries.
***
Oso-nii was late. Karamatsu knew he was supposed to take supplementary lessons, but he needed someone to watch Choro while he made the food.
Choro was still clean because he wasn’t caught in the rain, but Kara needed a bath before he caught a cold himself. He ended up just drying his hair and changing his clothes, while running after Choro who refused to get dressed.
He plunked Choromatsu in front of the TV and checked up on him every once in a while, to make sure he wasn’t doing something dangerous.
As he was sticking a spoon inside the pot to taste the curry sauce, he heard Choro crying and let go of the spoon. He didn’t know how he forgot that the sauce was hot, and reached in to grab it, singing his fingers.
Kara ran his hand under cold water quickly, all the while saying, “Choro it’s okay! I’ll be there now. Ouch. Just wait for a minute please!”
He had to decide between his throbbing, painful fingers and Choro’s painful cries, so he turned off the water and rushed to see why Choro was crying.
Choro gingerly stood up and Kara could see that his diaper was heavy and that there was a stink coming from him. He wiped Choro’s tears with his good hand and patted his head. “It’s okay Choro, I’m sorry I didn’t notice you needed a change.”
Tears stung his eyes as he got about changing Choro while his hand still hurt. He was going to endure it, he was the big brother now that Oso-nii still hadn’t made it home.
The curry was okay. He might have burnt the bottom of the pot when he forgot it while changing Choro, but it was edible. He scooped the top which tasted okay, for Oso-nii and Choro. He ate the burnt-ish bit himself since it was his fault it was burnt. His hand still hurt, but he had to be brave in front of Choro. He wouldn’t cry. Big boys didn’t cry.
***
Oso-nii arrived later, when Choro was colouring and Kara was doing his homework. Karamatsu smiled at him and told him his food was in the microwave and Oso-nii thanked him.
He felt his heart squeeze. It was worth it because he was taking care of everyone and he was helping like he promised.
He let Oso-nii have the bath first, and decided he’d go in after, so Choro had someone with him. But Oso-nii went straight to their room to study, and Karamatsu had to keep up with Choro’s games and energy.
He was really tired, and his fingers still felt swollen, but he tried to keep a brave front for Choro. Once Choro was finally in bed sleeping, Kara made sure to pack his bag early, and to drop his clothes in the dryer, having forgotten them as he ran after Choro.
The dinner plates were still in the sink, he hadn’t taken a bath, and his hand was in pain.
“Oso-nii, can you help me out? I think I need medi-”
Osomatsu cut him off without even looking at him, and said, “Kara, I really need to study for tomorrow. You’re a big boy, can’t you help yourself?”
He felt his mouth go dry and a pang in his heart. He was bothering Oso-nii, he didn’t mean to.
The medicine cabinet didn’t have anything for burns, even though he thought they had a cream, still there was a painkiller, so he took that one.
He put on mama’s big rubber gloves and cleaned the dishes and pot, scrubbing the burnt spot even when it hurt his fingers. He held his tears back. It was all his fault anyway. He was supposed to be a big boy, but everything he did was wrong, he couldn’t do anything right.
Karamatsu knew he needed to try harder so he wasn’t a burden. He’d keep his promise to mama.
***
The alarm went off really early, and even though Karamatsu wanted to cry because his body was tired and his brain was fuzzy, he still got up. Good boys didn’t succumb to weakness.
He only made one bento, changed Choro, and took the tamagoyaki from yesterday for his lunch. He walked to school, made plans in his head for dinner and tried to keep awake in school. Today he’d do better. He sniffed, and held in a sneeze. He wasn’t sick he told himself.
He picked up Choro after school, and had to run around looking for him in fright when Choro went missing. He asked everyone, ran and checked every aisle, scared and afraid something happened to Choro.
He’d only looked away for one minute. What was he going to tell everyone? If something happened to Choro, Karamatsu could never go home again.
Just when he was about to go ask the security to call Choro’s name, he found him staring at the large live lobsters in the aquarium. Karamatsu wiped his tears and ran to hug Choro, so relieved he couldn’t even talk, say anything or scold him.
He ended up buying Choro some candy because he felt bad for losing him, even though Choro wasn’t acting scared or blaming him, Karamatsu knew it was his fault for not looking after him properly. Maybe he should ask Oso-nii to buy food instead of him, especially since he had the bike.
When they made it home, Kara got himself and Choro into the bath. He was coughing a little, head buzzing. He thought maybe the headache was because he didn’t eat much for lunch, half of the tamagoyaki was still inside his bento.
After he dried Choro’s hair and got him dressed, he dragged a box of toys and put the TV on. If he started now on the hamburger steaks, he could finish dinner and lay down for a nap. He promised himself that. So he pushed through the pain in his throat, the shakiness in his arms as he tried to chop veggies for the burger, as he shaped them, eyes blurring as he tried to count how many he had, hand still stinging from the burn yesterday but not as bad as the pain in his temple.
Oso-nii still wasn’t home by the time Kara was feeding Choro. He kept scooping the fallen bits into Choro’s mouth, because Choro was being difficult and spitting out the food. He put ketchup on it and Choro finally stopped giving him a hard time.
He needed to sleep so bad, just to lay down, but Choro was bouncing off the walls because Kara had given him candy, and all Kara wanted to do was break down and cry because he was tired, sleepy, and his head really hurt. He was trying to be good, trying to be a big brother, but it was just so hard and he missed mama.
When Oso-nii finally got home, Kara went up to him to tell him he wasn’t feeling so good.
“Karamatsu not now.”
“Nii-san, ple-”
“I said not now! Can’t it wait? I haven’t even changed my clothes. How useless can you be?”
“Sorry..I’m sorry Oso-nii.”
He couldn’t even muster a fake smile, couldn’t say anything. Oso-nii looked angry, even though he wouldn’t look at Kara and had pulled his hand away when Karamatsu tried to grab it in apology.
He was acting spoiled, otherwise, why would Oso-nii call him useless? He picked up Choro and took him to mama’s room so he wouldn’t disturb Oso-nii while he studied.
Once Choro’s teeth had been brushed and his clothes and diaper changed, he put him to sleep and then carried him into the room. Oso-nii was asleep too, it was very late.
He went back out the room, determined to prove he wasn’t useless. His tears plopped down his clothes as he scrubbed the dishes, wiped the counters. He didn’t have the energy to even wipe them away while he tided up and took the heavy bag of trash out. It was Oso-nii’s job, but Oso-nii was tired from school and studying, and Karamatsu wanted to help. He had to. Karamatsu was a good boy, wasn’t he?
***
The alarm rang, but he couldn’t move. He couldn’t open his eyes. His body was cold, his head felt like it was on fire.
He had to get up. He had to make a bento, pack Choro’s bag. There was still school, shopping, and he was behind on laundry, Choro didn’t have many clean clothes and his uniform was stiff from that wash last time.
Choromatsu’s cold hand was on his face, he was saying, “up! up!”
But Karamatsu’s throat hurt and he couldn’t say anything back. He wanted to say sorry. He was sorry for not getting up. Karamatsu wasn’t the good boy everyone thought he was. He was sorry he was a bad big brother.
Oso-nii’s voice came next and Karamatsu started to cry. He tried to get up, Oso-nii must be mad at him, he didn’t want Oso-nii to be angry at him.
“Karamatsu? Lay down you have a fever.”
“Sorry,” he coughed the minute the word was out, and felt the pain shooting to his ear. He couldn’t see Oso-nii’s face from the layer of tears in his eyes, but he had to tell him. “Sorry Kara is not a good boy.”
Choro was crying, Oso-nii was holding onto his hand. They were colder than Karamatsu’s and were holding onto his very tightly. Karamatsu closed his eyes and slept.
***
There was a lot of noise and shouting. He heard Iyami screaming in pain and Choro laughing. He opened his eyes and saw Osomatsu-niichan looking at him.
His eyes were red, but he gave Karamatsu a soft smile. He then peeled something off Kara’s head and placed a new strip of something cold.
Osomatsu racked a hand through Kara’s hair, pushing it back from the cooling gel pad. “Your fever’s down.” He touched Kara’s cheeks next and Karamatsu closed his eyes because they felt good against his fevered skin.
“You’re still a little warm. Want to eat anything?”
Karamatsu shook his head, he felt like crying again, a lump in his throat, because now tears were running down Oso-nii’s face.
He covered his face with an arm and started apologizing to Karamatsu, “sorry, I was so selfish and left everything for you to deal with. I didn’t even notice you were sick and I yelled at you. I’m the useless one.”
Karamatsu patted Osomatsu’s knee, and croaked out, “don’t be sad Oso-nii.”
Osomatsu started bowling, throwing himself over Karamatsu and hugging him, crying about what a good boy Karamatsu was and how he was an amazing little brother. Karamatsu smiled wide and hugged Oso-nii back, holding onto his clothes. His grip was shaky as he cried too, even though he was so happy to hear those words, he’d been so lonely and scared and tired.
When they both calmed down and Oso-nii had held a tissue for him to blow his nose, he asked in a broken voice why Iyami was there.
Oso-nii had a really dark look on his face when he said, “he was paid to babysit and take care of us. I only found out today and I went to beat him up and bring him here. Now Choromatus is torturing him and keeping him busy so I can take care of you. Sound good?”
Kara beamed, drifting off again since he was still tired, floating on the happiness of knowing he did good, that he wasn’t a disappointment.
He heard Oso-nii say, just before he fell asleep, “when you wake up I’ll give you some pudding as a reward. Sleep well.”
There was no pudding when he woke up later, but Oso-nii was sleeping next to him holding onto his pyjama top, and Choro was sleeping on his other side holding onto his sleeve. He tried to get up, but Oso-nii pulled him back down, asking in a slurred sleepy voice, “where are you going?”
Karamatsu was embarrassed he was caught but said, “to get Choromatsu’s bag ready for tomorrow.”
Oso-nii dragged him under the covers once more and said, “sleep. Iyami is our slave, he’ll do it. You’re forbidden from doing anymore chores. It’s our turn to take care of you. Osomatsu niisan wants to be a good big brother too, just like Karamatsu.”
“Okay.”
“Now, let’s finish our nap and then we can have pudding. Choromatsu is waiting for you to feel okay, and is holding off on the pudding until we can all eat together.”
Karamatsu preened. Sometimes, being in the middle was the best.