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Growing up in the Horde
1
I don’t know why I hate you. But I do. I can’t handle it. I can’t handle the thought of you. Being how you always are.
I wish you weren’t like this. I wish you weren’t always around, happy and making me smile. Ready to playfully shove me or say something that isn’t funny, but I chuckle anyway.
I despise it, maybe if you stopped, it would make everything better. Everything easier.
How can one person even be like you, you’re so you. And everything you do makes me feel weak. Whenever I ask you why you’re like this, you’re just confused, that’s another one of those things I hate about you. You can’t even think like me.
The way you are, it drives me crazy, I can’t concentrate, I can’t ignore it, I can’t get rid of you. Maybe I can’t figure it out now, but I will someday.
After the Portal
2
Hey Adora,
I did figure it out in the end.
You were a weight dragging me down. All you were good for was holding me back, making me weak, confusing me so you could be better than me. Using me, lying to me. I didn’t matter, I was convenient. A pawn to get you to the top, leaving me below you for all time.
That’s all I ever was to you wasn’t it? That’s how you see me, maybe you always have.
I wasn’t worth it to you, but were cut from the same cloth. You may have needed me to get to the top, but If I fall ill drag you down with me.
I hate everything you are. I always have.
I’m glad I’ve gotten rid of you.
Together in Brightmoon
3
Hey Adora,
I lied - shocker, right? I don’t know if I lied to you, or myself. Both, with my track record.
Being here, with you, I’m relearning. And words I’ve used before weren’t right. I can’t change them now, but trying is still worth something, you’d probably say.
Hatred was one of those words I didn’t get back then. Maybe that’s not quite right though, because I did. I hated a lot of things, that’s how I am, yet you still stuck around.
In a world where you’re like you and I’m like me, it doesn’t make sense.
Weak was another. What I would call weak back then, wasn’t true weakness. Perfuma keeps reminding me. Sometimes it was love, or yearning, or even missing you and everything you are. But now I know, weakness or hatred were none of the things we had, none of the things I felt, not for you.
I never knew how to use my words toward you right. All I thought you were, I know what to call it now.
You’re good, and kind, and selfless and loving. You’re beautiful, and you’ve always been everything to me, Adora. All these words I didn’t acknowledge before, I didn’t need them. I would just say ‘you’. Because you were already everything they meant and more, even back then I knew that much.
When I say, that now - I know why I’ve always hated you, I know that I was never able hate you.
And I know why I thought I did, and why I know I didn’t, why I don’t.
Because you were always better than me. You make me want to be better, with you. I thought I hated it, but I love it about you. And I underestimated it, because you’re not just better than me, you’re better than everyone and everything I’ve ever known.
Perhaps you are the best thing to ever be.