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It had only been a little suspicious when he and Yibo had asked both their parents to set aside time for a video call. He knew the families were on good terms, but he wasn’t sure how close any of them really were. The idea of his and Yibo’s mothers texting each other in a tizzy over why there seemed to be a family meeting haunted him only slightly.
Truth be told, he had wanted to tell their family in person, but it just wasn’t feasible. Xiao Zhan was in the last push of trying to get as much work and social media filming in as possible before he visually wouldn’t be able to. Even now they were having to make sure their cameras were angled properly and that he was wearing loose hoodies when he went out. It hadn’t taken long for the little curve Yibo had felt to begin to swell into an actual bump. It was still small, hideable, but from what he read, it was only a matter of time. The change would come quickly when it did -- the articles online calling it ‘popping,’ or something to that effect.
He had a feeling they were already going to get plenty of berating for not telling anyone sooner. They couldn’t even use the excuse of the doctor’s suggestion, because at sixteen weeks Xiao Zhan was well and fully into his second trimester and could have told them weeks ago.
His fingers moved to rub absent-mindedly over his stomach, not hidden for once, while sitting at home, as he put his phone on a stand and made sure it was angled so that he and Yibo would be visible, but that their little surprise would still be hidden. Behind him, he could hear Yibo puttering around the kitchen, his husband exerting his own nervous energy by doting and collecting snacks and a drink for Xiao Zhan. It was a video call with family, not a four-hour plane ride -- refreshments weren’t really necessary.
He sighed, resting his chin on his palm, elbow on the table. There wasn’t really a reason for his nerves to be on fire -- wasn’t it every Chinese parents’ hope for grandchildren? -- but yet here he was. Yibo came to sit next to him, a steadying hand holding the back of his neck, pressing into the bond mark there, and Xiao Zhan turned his face to give his husband a smile as he sat down. Apparently it wasn’t quite good enough as Yibo’s hand began to squeeze and let go in a soothing pattern.
“Feeling sick?”
Xiao Zhan hadn’t been sick in a couple of weeks, but the gentle concern was so sweet and Xiao Zhan shook his head.
“No, I’m just nervous.”
He reached out and took Yibo’s free hand next and wrapped his fingers around Yibo’s thumb. It wasn’t a very conventional way of holding hands, but something about it grounded him. At first, he’d done it on set as it was easier to laugh off as a joke than actually trying to flirt by holding the alpha’s hand and now it made him feel safe to know that Yibo’s capable hands were big enough to engulf his own. As though Yibo could hide him away with ease.
Lips brushed against his temple and the hand on his neck slid down his back before reaching to push a bowl of chips in his direction. He wasn’t particularly hungry, but, as always, Yibo knew just the tricks to get him to eat something even when he didn’t want to. Really, he was a disgustingly perfect alpha in some senses. It was hardly fair. With an unexplained pout, Xiao Zhan took a couple of chips while Yibo set up the video call. It was only moments before two other feeds populated, one for each set of parents, and immediately they were being bombarded with greetings and questions about how they were doing and what was going on and is everything alright?
“Aiyo, how can we say anything with all of this?” Yibo’s words were warm and carried an undertone of laughter as he raised a brow at the phone and Xiao Zhan straightened himself up to smile and give a little wave.
“We’re fine,” he assured. “Nothing’s wrong. Are you all doing well?” His question was met with the click of a tongue and he didn’t hide his amusement at his mother’s eyeroll.
“Of course we’re all fine, you silly boy. You and your man there were the ones worth worrying after. Asking us all to get together like some meeting instead of calling us. Even if you say it’s nothing, we’ll worry.”
“So, go ahead and tell us whatever it is so we can settle and then we can all chat normally.” Yibo’s mother was no less quick and Xiao Zhan could only laugh quietly at the look of exasperation on her son’s face as he murmured a long-suffering, ‘Mama, please,' under his breath.
Under the table he gave a squeeze to the thumb he hadn’t let go of yet and turned to look at Yibo, biting his lip subconsciously, before turning to look back at their parents. “You have to promise not to be mad.”
“Son,” came his dad’s steady voice, “that’s really not helping.”
He felt Yibo move to press their legs together, hip to hip, looking at him in a way that communicated, just as he had years before, he could field this uncomfortable moment for him, but Xiao Zhan gave the smallest shake of his head in return. Steeling himself with a breath, he looked at the phone screen, taking in each face looking at him, before letting the words force their way from his lips.
“You’re going to be grandparents.”
His heart was beating fast, trapped in a lesser degree of the same anxiety he’d felt when he first told Yibo. Next to him he could see Yibo’s face break into an unmatchable sunshine smile as a cacophony came from his phone.
“ZhanZhan! Since when?”
“I’m sorry, I think the connection went strange. What was that?”
“Darling, the connection was fine.”
“No, I surely misheard.”
“Congratulations, you two.”
“How are you feeling? Do you need help? Should I come there?”
Just as last time, the anxiety left with a whooshing sensation and the sense of relief came over him with a watery laugh. He might not have been getting sick anymore, but his emotions were still a hair-trigger and he felt the lump in his throat and the tears on his face as he laughed. Arms surrounded him immediately and he buried his nose against Yibo’s neck and took comfort in his scent as Yibo stroked his hair.
“Sorry, he’s definitely got the emotional hormone thing going on,” Yibo said, amused, and then laughed when Xiao Zhan hit him half-heartedly on the arm before sitting back and wiping his eyes.
“You don’t need to come here, Mama, we’re fine. If anything, it’s really busy right now because I’m trying to get as much work done in advance so we can release it piecemeal while I’m keeping myself out of sight.” He wiped at his face again with the heel of this hand. “But I’m sure I’ll be asking you both for plenty of advice soon.”
There was another click of the tongue, but his mother accepted that she didn’t need to hurry to Beijing immediately, even if she wanted to. “Well, I’ll at least send you some herbs and medicines to help with morning sickness and boost your health.”
Yibo snickered and Xiao Zhan, lovingly, stepped on his foot.
“I’m not having morning sickness anymore, but vitamins are fine.” He’d ask his doctor first, but his mother didn’t need to know that. In his defense, he had every reason to be a bit wary now.
“Anymore?” Yibo’s mom seemed to be quick on the uptake and raised her brow in a way so similar to Yibo that Xiao Zhan wondered for a moment if their child would also inherit the expression. The genetics were strong. “Just how long have you two been keeping this secret?”
“He’s at sixteen weeks,” Yibo supplied at the same time Xiao Zhan blanched and repeated that he’d said they weren’t allowed to be angry. Their mothers seemed to take this a bit personally, as Xiao Zhan had feared, but he caught both their fathers giving them amused expressions that said not to take any of their complaints to heart.
“Now, now, their situations are different. You can’t blame them for having to keep things quieter.” Yibo’s dad was a voice of reason that calmed the call. “Xiao Zhan just mentioned earlier how busy he is having to get ready for everything as well.”
As they all calmed down, the call continued with questions, advice, and stories. Xiao Zhan showed his bump off to much cooing and after an hour they ended the call with a promise to keep in more constant touch and send photos and updates often. He had a feeling their parents’ idea of often didn’t align with theirs, but they’d cross that bridge another time. Looking at the black screen of his sleeping phone, Xiao Zhan leaned against Yibo and groaned quietly.
“They took it well,” he said, resting his head against a strong shoulder.
“We knew they would.”
“I know. It’s just a relief.”
His phone lit up with a notification from WeChat and he sat up and thumbed the screen to check it.
ZhanZhan, call me when you get the chance. I want to talk more, just us. He frowned a little and sat up to kiss Yibo’s temple.
“Mama wants to talk. I should call her now so she can be at ease about whatever it is. I know you just got that new Lego kit. Think you can entertain yourself without me?” It would never cease to amuse him how his husband’s eyes lit up at the idea of going and playing with his toys, be they Lego bricks or motorcycles. He put in his airpods and hit call as he walked to their bedroom, situating himself to lounge as he heard his mom pick up, shooing his dad away.
“ZhanZhan, baby, I just wanted to check with you without any pressure.”
“I’m not sure what you mean, Mama,” he said as he let his head sink into one of the soft pillows. Maybe he would take a nap after this. He deserved it. Yibo encouraged his desire to nap as much as he could, but Xiao Zhan’s ingrained attitude from work made it hard for him to let himself just sleep during the day when there were other things he needed to get done.
“You two weren’t planning for any kids. At least not yet. You told me yourself. So, I’m sure this is… a lot for you. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. That this was the decision you wanted to make. I support you, we all support you, and we’re so happy at the idea of a grandchild, but I know this is going to change a lot for you. For both of you. But mostly for you. You said you were planning to basically go into hiding. Aiyo, I’m just worried for you. It sounds harsh, but I want to make sure you don’t let something unintended cause you regrets.”
It took him a moment to fully process what she was saying. It would be a lie to say that the points she was bringing up hadn’t crossed his mind as well. The day he’d taken that fateful pregnancy test and waited for Yibo to come home he’d gone through all these thoughts, all the various options, as he tried to figure out what exactly were his desires versus his responsibilities.
Was having a child right now, suddenly, responsible of him for his career? For Yibo’s? No, it wasn’t. That had been demonstrated easily enough by the reactions of their staff when they’d explained the situation. Would he regret it, after having put so much into this path? Would he be upset when he had to cut back in his activities because there was a crying baby at home that needed him?
“Mama,” he started, knowing his voice probably sounded off. Quiet. “Thank you for checking on me. I know it’s going to be hard. And I’m definitely still a bit scared, but this is the choice I wanted to make. I love my career, even if it doesn’t always love me, but I know that fame is fickle. We’re both still in demand and working, but it’s already declined from the past. It’s nice to be able to breathe, but it also reminds me that I might not have this sort of life forever.” He paused, sniffling -- when had he started to choke up like this? These hormones were ridiculous. They were turning him into some omega role on a drama he would have passed on. “But I can have this forever. I might not always be an actor, but I- I’ll always be someone’s baba.”
He remembered one night when he and Yibo had been curled up in bed, talking about days to come, and decided that Xiao Zhan would be baba and Yibo would be a-die. The memory and the warmth of that moment made him sniffle more and he could hear his mother’s fretting and attempts to calm him over the phone.
“At first I thought about not doing it, but I realized… I realized that would have been the choice I would regret. I’m supposed to be the responsible, always perfect, mindful-of-everything Xiao Zhan and this choice -- it isn’t that. This is the boy who called and told you he was closing his studio and trying out for an idol survival show.”
“ZhanZhan…”
“That boy, he hasn’t let me down yet, Mama. The responsible Xiao Zhan has, but not him. I realized I wanted to be selfish, Mama. I wanted to be selfish so bad. To not care about the consequences and have what I really want. And Yibo, you should have seen him when I told him. He was so happy. He’s always beautiful when he’s happy and I don’t think I’d ever seen his smile brighter. I’m not going to regret this. No matter what happens.”
There was a pause and Xiao Zhan was pretty sure he could hear his mom sniffle on the other end of the line before her voice chimed in, emotional, but with conviction.
“You’re going to make a wonderful parent.”
After a few shared assurances and declaration of love the call ended. His face felt tight from the various tears today and his head was muddled. A nap. He definitely deserved that nap. His head turned to look at the sheets around him and he frowned. Standing up, he stepped to the bathroom to wash his face before grabbing the fluffy comforter from the bed and bundling it in his arms to carry it into the living room.
Yibo was sitting in front of the couch on the floor while he put together his Legos on the coffee table. Xiao Zhan felt his heart warm as he watched him for a moment before walking over and laying, cocooned in the blanket, close enough to feel Yibo in front of him.
“Was the call okay?” Yibo didn’t look up from where he was hyper-focused on grouping red blocks together into some specific pile. Xiao Zhan didn’t have the mental capacity to try and figure it out.
Instead he just curled further into the blankets, closer to the edge knowing Yibo’s back against the couch wouldn’t let him fall. “S’fine,” he murmured with a yawn. “Mama sends her love. Again.”
Yibo hummed in response and clicked two blocks together as Xiao Zhan felt his eyelids close, not wanting to struggle to keep them open as sleep began to take him. There was a shifting and he felt lips against his eyelids, the cheek not pressed into the couch, and the gentlest brush across his lips.
“Sweet dreams, baobao. I love you.”
For once, he thought reality might have been the sweetest dream of all.