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He hated it. He'd always hated it, but his professional demeanor had always won above all else in the past. Tonight, however, he wanted nothing more than to get up from his spot, walk to where his husband was seated, and sit in Yibo's lap.
It was hormones, he knew, but knowing what was causing the twisting in his gut and dark shadow in his mind didn't lessen the feeling any.
Instead, he sat halfway across the event venue, prim and proper, next to his latest costar. Xiao Zhan was, for all public intents and purposes, single. Of course. He never encouraged CP binding, but marketing was marketing and they all agreed that it was a decent enough distraction from Xiao Zhan’s very much not single personal life. A distraction he was very much hoping was going to be effective, because no matter how much his staff and Yibo told him the tailoring of his pants and cut of his suit perfectly hid his - very obviously a baby - bump, he felt exposed.
This was his last real public appearance before he was going to go into hiding, as it were, until the end of his pregnancy. If it wouldn't have been even more suspicious for him to miss a high profile awards event, he would have happily watched the live-stream tonight at home in shorts and one of his husband's tee-shirts. Preferably with a bag of potato chips and some chili oil to dip them in. Alas, no, instead he was in an overly air-conditioned, dark, loud room with a pleasant smile affixed to his face.
His distaste must have been obvious enough as his very lovely, but not Yibo, costar leaned over with a worried frown and patted his arm.
"Are you alright? Not to be crass, but…" Her head tilted slightly, brow raised, as she gestured vaguely to the air around Xiao Zhan. "I'm worried if your unhappiness gets any stronger that a very surly Wang Yibo will appear."
Xiao Zhan huffed out a chuckle at that and turned to her with a wry smile. "That bad, huh?" He gave a soft sigh and shrug of his shoulders.
“Just a bit, yeah.” She gave his arm a squeeze, knowing pity on her face, before returning her focus to the stage. “It looks like we’ve got a decent amount of time before either of us are required. And you know how these things drag anyway. Maybe a snack or cold drink backstage would help?”
The idea of a snack sounded like a disaster, but some water and a space that was just… less of everything sounded appealing. Xiao Zhan pushed himself up, his hand nearly coming to rest against his stomach out of habit, before he stopped himself, fingers twitching in midair before returning to his side. He gave a polite nod before making his way to the aisle and toward the doors to the back. There was no pause to let his staff know where he was going, but he was sure between LeLe, YanYan, his staff, and Yibo’s staff that someone had probably spotted him.
The sudden brightness of the white halls that made up the corridors of the venue felt blinding at first, but the immediate softening of sound and deadening of scents was more of a relief than he had thought it would be. Xiao Zhan dodged the gofers running back and forth and made his way to the break area that had been set up for the guests. It was, thankfully, mostly empty right now and he grabbed a bottle of water before sitting in one of the plastic chairs at a table.
Slow, deep breaths.
He kept his eyes closed as he let his shoulders roll back and relaxed. Getting away from the crowd certainly took the edge off, but he still felt muddled. It reminded him of the bouts of nausea he had earlier in the pregnancy, when sometimes he just needed to sit still with his eyes closed, except it was his brain that was fuzzy and not his stomach.
Thankfully.
He could only imagine the extra layer of hell it would have added if he was still feeling sick frequently. All the smells - natural and perfumed - in the air had been enough as it was.
Xiao Zhan wasn’t sure how long he sat there in his semi-meditative state before he heard the sound of something being set by him, and before he could open his eyes to look, he felt a warm hand squeeze the back of his neck and a familiar, soothing scent overtake anything else around him.
He didn’t whimper in relief, but it was a near thing.
His eyes opened and he saw Yibo pulling up a chair next to, if not slightly behind him, with one hand and sink into it. The other hand continued to gently massage the back of his neck. Glancing down, Xiao Zhan noticed the sound he’d heard earlier had been Yibo setting a trash can down by his side. He looked back up at his husband and was met by eyes filled with gentle concern.
God, he loved Yibo so much. So, so much. He wanted nothing more than to bury himself in the other man and let the rest of the world fall away. To wrap himself in the safety and comfort he knew his hormones were making him crave. Xiao Zhan had always carried a sense of independence, so such impulses still felt too sticky and needy at times, but he knew Yibo didn’t think anything like that. If anything, the other man liked it.
“You okay?” Yibo’s voice was deep and soft, gentle in it’s worry.
Xiao Zhan nodded and offered a half hearted smile. “Yea. Just overwhelmed, I guess.” He took his abandoned water bottle and cracked it open to take a sip. “I know I mentioned feeling a bit anxious about tonight, but I don’t think I really understood just how off I was feeling. I saw you sitting across the venue, too far away, and it was loud and cold and everything just felt like too much.”
He looked at the bottle in his hands, watching the condensation collect on the plastic. Xiao Zhan frowned a bit at himself. “Saying it outloud, it feels stupid. It’s not like I haven’t been coming to these events for years or anything.” A huff left his lips. “Though I guess I’ve never been to an awards show twenty-two weeks pregnant before.”
“Twenty-three,” Yibo corrected nonchalantly. Xiao Zhan raised an eyebrow, and he was offered a shrug in response before Yibo continued. “I keep track of the kadian weeks. Sue me.”
Xiao Zhan giggled and brought a hand up to bury his face in. “Oh my god. Wang Yibo, this is the cute, piggy side fans always talk about.” Yibo’s crinkling of his nose at the mention of the often overly saccharine persona he was given just made Xiao Zhan laugh more.
It felt good. Like something that had been wrapping tight around him, suffocating him, was deflating and slipping away.
“I’m glad this is the last event though. I feel like there’s a flashing sign over my head that reads ‘Secretly Pregnant’. All I’ve wanted to do all night was go over to your seat and curl up against you. Very yue, I know. It’s been five years and I thought I had gotten so used to it. The hiding and lies of omission. But apparently the hormones, which were supposed to have leveled out by now, disagree.” He watched as Yibo frowned and opened his mouth to say something, but cut his husband off before he could respond. “I know, I know. I’m not going to risk anything or let something slip. I’m not quite that far gone yet. I just,“ he sighed, “I don’t know. I’m having a baby with the man I love and sometimes I just want to gloat a little.
Xiao Zhan looked away with a slight pout. He heard Yibo give a soft, pained sound and stand up. “Zhan-ge, you’re killing me. I just want to wrap my arms around you and touch your belly now and I can’t. I’m suffering. Your husband is suffering because of your cuteness.” Yibo gave an exaggerated sigh and hung his head for a moment before straightening back up, letting the dramatic image drop, his tone edging back into something more serious and concerned. “But I get it, Zhan-ge. I do. And I promise that once we’re home tonight I’ll hold you as long as you need to recharge. But for now…” He trailed off and leaned down to brush his lips against Xiao Zhan’s temple, just barely, while one wrist pressed against the side of Xiao Zhan’s neck, scenting him.
When Yibo pulled away, Xiao Zhan hissed out, “Wang Yibo!” in response, looking around the room. Hushed conversations were one thing, but obvious physical acts could be observed from much further away. Yibo only grinned smugly in response before pushing his chair back into place and walking back toward the venue halls with a finger heart over his shoulder.
The worst part was Xiao Zhan couldn’t even stay irritated. The presence of Yibo’s scent, that small act of claiming and comfort, had been exactly what he needed. His nerves were binding back together from their frayed state, and he sighed as he got up and drained the rest of his water before heading back to his seat as well. He felt like he could take on the rest of the night with an appropriate smile, and he just knew Yibo was going to be extra smug when they got home.
Yibo was, in fact, extremely smug when they got home. Xiao Zhan just bared his teeth at his husband, refusing to give him the satisfaction of praise for his little stunt, before claiming the shower in the master bathroom as his. Yibo could use the guest bath to shower while Xiao Zhan enjoyed the rainfall showerhead.
Not that it really mattered because Yibo was always nothing but perfunctory when it came to showers.
Unless they were showering together.
No, those were thoughts for later. He was too tired for lust.
Instead his thoughts crept back to their conversation backstage. To that nagging annoyance he kept feeling at hiding everything. He had been the one to make the final decision in how they dealt with pregnancy and the public. It had been his decision to keep everything as secret as possible and just disappear for a few months. It was the easiest and smartest choice for their careers.
He let a hand rest against the swell of his stomach, rubbing over the stretched skin. No, not the easiest or smartest, but easier and smarter. Besides, as much as he wanted to show off his happiness, he also wanted to keep it back, only for himself. Something private and just his in the far too public world of a celebrity.
There was no point in thinking too deeply about it now.
His fingers began to wrinkle from the waterlog and he sighed, turning off the water. As he stepped out of the shower, he hissed softly at the cold air that met him. He made quick work of toweling off and changing into his pajamas, taking extra care to towel dry his hair thoroughly before looking at himself in the mirror.
The face that met him was the same one that entered the room, but there was something poetic about the visual representation of the mask of publicity being washed away. His towel was tossed in the hamper to be washed later and he padded out of the bathroom, lips curving into a smile at, oh so predictably, seeing Yibo lounging on their bed playing games on his phone. It was one of Yibo’s boyish charms that Xiao Zhan wouldn’t change for the world.
But as charming as it was, Xiao Zhan had been told that he would be spoiled tonight, and he wasn’t going to let that chance pass by. Not that he was ever lacking in Yibo spoiling him when he wanted it, but knowing that he could freely take as he wanted tonight warmed him from the inside. Xiao Zhan made his way to the bed, not bothering to walk around to his side, and crawled onto the bed so he straddled Yibo’s lap. He watched as his husband’s eyebrows knitted, probably trying to finish whatever game mission he was on.
He would be kind, he decided, and waited patiently for the eternity of thirty seconds it took for Yibo to drop his phone on the bed next to himself and open his arms. Xiao Zhan crawled into the waiting embrace happily and let himself lay against the broad chest beneath him, head resting on a strong shoulder.
Yibo had always been attractive, always, but Xiao Zhan would be lying if he said he hadn’t very much appreciated the results when Yibo had begun taking on roles that required a more toned physique. A physique Yibo had never fully let drop, even though there were times when costume dramas came up and there was definitely a softening and leaning in his body. He turned his head into Yibo’s shoulder, making a contented noise, as he felt arms wrap tight around him and a nose pressed into his hair.
Yes, this was what he needed all night. Yibo shifted and Xiao Zhan felt the slightly sharp press of a chin against his scalp and one hand gently rubbing back and forth through the undershirt he had worn to bed.
He regretted, just a bit, the decision to wear pajamas, but over the years their nights of crawling into bed, skin to skin, each night and the rigors that ensued, had given way to something a bit more standardly domestic.
Besides, they both knew that if they crawled into bed clothless that the inevitable would happen no matter how tired they were. It had become a precautionary measure as much as anything else at this point.
“This is better,” Xiao Zhan murmured happily and smiled at the soft rumble of laughter he felt beneath him.
“I agree,” came the voice from above him. “Honestly, after I left earlier I spent the rest of the night eager to leave. Even more than normal. I was looking through Weibo while you were in the shower and my apparent desire to be Not There was trending.”
At the mention of Weibo, Xiao Zhan tensed just a little. He wasn’t anywhere near the anxiety of earlier, but he still worried about what would be floating around the site. He knew, realistically, that if they had been found out in any way they wouldn’t be in the comfort they were right now. They’d both be fielding calls from management and preparing to do damage control of some sort. Everything must have gone well enough, but he couldn’t help but turn his head to press his chin against Yibo’s chest and look up at his husband.
“Everything looked okay, then?”
Yibo leaned his head down to kiss Xiao Zhan’s forehead before leaning back fully against the headboard. “Same old, same old. Your onstage chemistry with your newest co-star got a lot of praise. It seems like people are expecting good things. The banter was particularly well accepted.”
“Mm,” Xiao Zhan hummed. “She helped a lot tonight. She was the one that basically told me I needed to go backstage because I was exuding enough anxiety that she was sure you’d end up coming over and act all big, alpha male.”
“Big, alpha male, eh? I wonder how that Weibo trend would go. Probably make big waves. I can see it now. CP fans going wild and individual fans making every excuse in the book.”
Xiao Zhan snorted. “Can you imagine?”
He shifted, turning and wiggling down to sit between Yibo’s legs, smiling as Yibo’s hands came around him to rest on the curve of his stomach. He leaned back, falling silent for a moment as he thought about it, about how chaotic it really would be. He felt himself cringe just a little at the idea. It was hard, sometimes, knowing how oppositional their fans could be. It was certainly calmer than it had once been, but the tensions were still real, no matter how often they had made pleas for fans to stop fighting others.
He felt Yibo give him a small squeeze in response, brushing lips to his temple, and Xiao Zhan relaxed again.
“Speaking of CP fans, I checked the BJYX Super Topic as well.”
Xiao Zhan rolled his eyes. Of course he had. Yibo had probably secretly posted some rumors about goings on backstage, true or not, covered in the typical This Is Fake warnings, trying to work fans up.
“It was all pretty same old, same old as well. Except this time, when the BJYX SuperTopic had jokes about you wearing a maternity suit they were right this time.” Yibo smirked and Xiao Zhan groaned and pressed his head back against a collarbone, raising his hands to cover his face.
They’d seen the threads that popped up any time he wore something remotely baggy to an event and they’d even joked about it themselves. Well, at least since it was such a long standing joke in the fandom it would actually, probably, work in their favor. Anything someone might see would be chocked up to BXN.
“Some protection account of yours decided to reply to the rumor stating how much it hurt your reputation. Your honor is on the line, you know.” Yibo leaned done, pressing his face into the curve of Xiao Zhan’s neck, laughing. “Zhan-ge, I’ve completely dishonored you. What do I do now?”
Xiao Zhan batted Yibo on the arm with a joking slap and rolled his eyes, pressing himself further back into the circle of his husband’s warmth. “Wang Yibo, will you ever be human?” He pouted as Yibo only laughed harder at Xiao Zhan’s petulant response.
“Probably not.”
“Good,” Xiao Zhan replied. “I guess you’ll just have to take responsibility for us for the rest of your life.” He turned his head to look up at Yibo with an amused smile, but was met with a focused gaze. One of Yibo’s hands came up to hold his chin as he leaned, the angle a bit awkward, to place a soft kiss against Xiao Zhan’s lips. The kiss was nothing more than the pressing of lips, but there was something deep to it. It felt warm and Xiao Zhan felt it seep through his being, his own lips curving against his husband’s in a smile.
“I love you.” The words were a breath against Xiao Zhan’s lips, Yibo having moved back just enough to speak. Of all the things that night, the anxiety, the crowding thoughts, the moments of familiarity, this was what finally left him in a settled peace. He swallowed back against a lump rising in his throat and returned the gentle kiss with one of his own.
“I love you too.”