Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"I have feelings for Penny."

Leonard almost dropped his coffee mug as he spun around to stare at the tall man, standing by the door with his pre-packed disaster evacuation bag. He'd done this before, when he tried in vain to keep Penny's secret, but this man before him was not his roommate. There was no way Sheldon Cooper had just said what he said.

"Excuse me?"

"Oh, Leonard. Must I have to repeat myself with you?" He sounded annoyed. Nervous in fact. Unsure. Leonard could only relate to the latter.

"I'm sorry, but...did you just say that you...you, Sheldon...have feelings? Actual human feelings?"

"So you did hear me the first time. Why are you asking me to repeat it?" Sheldon's hands were wringing on his bag, and he was looking at everywhere in the room except Leonard.

This was Sheldon alright, but still, was not Sheldon.

Leonard set his mug on the counter and sat on the sofa, his eyes never leaving his roommate. Or soon to be ex-roommate. Prior to making this earth-shattering announcement, Sheldon had said he was moving out. Knowing what happened the last time, Leonard had hounded him mercilessly for the answer.

Now he was suddenly wishing he hadn't.

"Sheldon...I'm still waiting for you to say 'Bazinga'."

And he did wait. He waited for almost a full minute but was responded by silence, and the endless shuffling of Sheldon's feet.

Leonard's eyes widened. "Oh my God. This is real."

Sheldon still didn't reply, and Leonard felt a hole open up in his stomach and swallow up his internal organs. Gruesome, but that was the only way he could describe the feeling. "Sheldon you're...you're in love with Penny? Our neighbor Penny?" Then he added, "My Penny?"

"Yes, Leonard. Your Penny." Sheldon practically spat out the words, and that in itself was already shocking.

"W-when did this happen?"

"I'm still trying to pinpoint the exact month, day, hour or second but I was already half-way through developing these feelings when I was even aware of its existence. And by then it was already too late to stop the process."

That gave Leonard a pause. He knew the explanation was supposed to be cold and clinical, but it turned out differently. Almost like a line from some sappy chick flick which he knew Sheldon wouldn't even dare watch.

Galileo's beard, this was serious.

"Sheldon...why are you admitting this to me now?"

"I didn't want to. You forced me to. You wanted to know why I was leaving. You know how I am with secrets." Sheldon tightened his hand on the strap of his bag. Leonard could practically see his knuckles turn white. "Either way, I wouldn't have kept it from you. I've searched through the internet and found that best friends falling in love with the same woman will always have a falling out. It's never going to end well, so I might as well confront it head on and save us both the misery. I shall be bypassing the middle process of stagnation and avoidance, and just move forward to terminating our friendship on these grounds. The agreement will be mutual, so there shall be minimal ill feelings as possible. We won't have to go mano y mano. Besides I'm not one for fist fights."

A momentary image of Sheldon with boxing gloves appeared in Leonard's head. It hardly looked threatening. Funny in fact, but he wasn't even compelled to laugh. "Sheldon...I'm sorry, this is just...too unbelievable to digest. Are you sure this is not some sort of trick to get me to do one of your biddings?"

Sheldon let out a deep, frustated sigh, his head tilted, his eyes rolling. "This is hardly the type of practical joke I would conceive of, let alone execute."

"Does...does Penny know?"

"No." Sheldon shook his head emphatically. His face was straight. He was telling the truth. "And she doesn't need to know any of this. Scratch that, she CANNOT know any of this if you and her are to continue dating. You're half-way through finally achieving coitus with her, Leonard..." A swallow. "...and that's something you should not give up on just because I happen to hold a great deal of affection towards her. I have no right to hold you back and to force you to give her up for my sake."

He sounded as though he was trying to convince himself that this was the right thing to do, and Leonard felt an unexpected pang. Not for himself but for Sheldon.

Leonard did a light cough. He didn't know how to deal with this type of situation. Sheldon had always been predictable, but this...it was too much. He didn't even know exactly what he was feeling at that point. He was too overwhelmed. "So...that's why you're moving out? Because you're...giving her up?"

"That's the most critical of my dilemmas, Leonard." Sheldon looked down at his shoes again. His voice had mellowed and he looked like a little boy. Vulnerable, not the strong, overbearing, knuckle-under-me Sheldon he had known for nearly five years. "I've actually come to realize giving up my feelings for Penny is an impossibility. This would most certainly compromise our friendship and so I've decided to take away the variable in this situation. That would be me. If I leave, there would be no friendship to compromise, and there would be no further obstacles to your relationship with Penny."

"Why would you think yourself an obs..." Leonard paused, and after a moment of scrutiny, his eyes widened. It didn't dawn on him until that very moment exactly how much time Sheldon and Penny had spent in each other's company. They never dated, but it seemed as though they didn't have to. And then there were those little moments he had chosen to ignore because of his own unproven conclusions about Sheldon's deal.

There were too many little moments to count.

Leonard licked his lips and fought the urge to bury his head in his palms. His throat was dry but he knew he had to ask. "Sheldon...does Penny have feelings for you?"

Sheldon seemed startled by the question, and it was a moment before he replied. His eyes never met Leonard's when he did. "Why would you ask me that question? You cannot very well get an accurate assessment from me. For one thing, I'm not Penny."

"I know, but what do YOU think? Does she or does she not...have feelings for you as well?"

"You know I do not particularly excel in reading other people's feelings. If I did, I..." Leonard watched Sheldon swallow. Sheldon had never not finished a sentence unless someone cut him off. Leonard certainly hadn't. "Goodbye, Leonard."

"Sheldon, wait!"

But Sheldon was already out the door and running down the stairs. Leonard grabbed his jacket and ran after him, down the four flights until he reached the ground floor. Sheldon was just getting out the door when he walked into someone.

A soft "oh" and a bounce of golden strands told Leonard who it was.

"Sheldon, honey, you really ought to watch where you're going." Penny backed away a little and smiled. She obviously hadn't seen Leonard, and showed Sheldon a couple of blu-ray discs. "I got the latest Season of Dr. Who. Thought we could watch it in my apartment after Halo Night. And look." She held up a doggy bag. "I even brought you something from work. Cheeseburger with everything on the side, just the way you like it."

Leonard felt his heart sink. This was just one of those little moments, and he moved his eyes over to Sheldon's face.

Sheldon wasn't looking at the discs or the doggy bag. He was looking at Penny, and Leonard could only imagine it was to process a photographic memory of her.

"Goodbye Penny," Sheldon said, and the way he said it...Leonard could only describe as heart-wrenching.

Then, Sheldon was out the door, with Penny calling after him.

"Sheldon, wait! I made sure everyone wore gloves when they made the burger, I swear."

Leonard followed Penny out the door, and found her standing stiffly by the sidewalk, watching Sheldon board a cab.

Sheldon Cooper. In a cab.

Sure enough, when Penny turned around, her face was a mirror of shock. "Leonard...what did I do?"

It was one of the oddest questions he had heard from Penny. She hadn't asked about what was going on. She hadn't asked why Sheldon left. She had asked what she had done.

Words failed Leonard, and all he could do was wrap his arms around Penny and give her small pats on the back.

The blu-ray discs and the Cheesecake Factory bag fell on the sidewalk, and in moments, Penny was running after the now distant cab while Leonard remained where he was, staring after her and the car until both disappeared from his sights.

Chapter Text

"I can't understand why Sheldon would just up and leave like that. Without telling me why."

Leonard felt a little lump form in his throat. 'Me', Penny had said, and she must have caught the look on his face because she quickly added, "Us. Without telling us why. And he took a cab. Sheldon Cooper. In a cab!"

Leonard didn't reply, but continued to trudge up to the fourth floor with Penny. He was still too overwhelmed with Sheldon's earlier confession, so much so he could almost hear his ex-roommate's words echo with every step:

'I have feelings for Penny...'

'I have feelings for Penny...'

"Leonard?"

"What?" Leonard turned back to Penny, and was surprised they were already in his apartment.

"I was asking if Sheldon told you why he had to leave." Penny plopped down on Sheldon's spot. Or what used to be Sheldon's spot. Leonard caught the wistful look on her face, and the way she smoothed a hand on the cushion which had once been a cause of paintball tag between her and Sheldon.

He knew now those little moments had long since built up into unforgettable memories, and as Sheldon had said, it was too late to stop the process.

Leonard blinked again and focused on Penny's face. She was still waiting for an answer.

He sat down beside her. He didn't know how to say it, or if he wanted to, but he knew he had to at least try. Without shocking her. "Penny...you know how Sheldon's...well, Sheldon. But sometimes, in a man's life...some internal process takes place to...change him into a different man."

Penny stared at him for a moment before raising her brows with condescension. It unnerved Leonard how she had taken on some of Sheldon's mannerisms. "I don't understand what evolution has to do with Sheldon leaving, unless he doesn't want any witnesses when he emerges from his cocoon and grows an exoskeleton."

Oh God. Now she was actually talking like Sheldon. "Uhm, Penny, I...I just don't know how to say this..."

"Was it something I did?"

She sounded worried, which made Leonard shake his head fervently. "No. You didn't do anything. At least not in the context you speak of..."

"So it was something YOU did."

Leonard's head snapped up. Penny's tone was as accusing as her eyes. "What? No."

"What did you do, Leonard?" Penny continued with the same tone. "Did you take a band-aid off in front of him?"

"No."

"Did you change the contrast and brightness settings on the TV?" Penny pursued. "Buy generic ketchup, pronounced the T in often, made fun of trains, talked to him through the bathroom door?"

"No, I...how did you know all that? About the bathroom door?"

"Answer the question, Leonard."

"I didn't do any of those."

Penny held her chin up a bit, and it reminded Leonard of when Wolowitz had asked him about the trains...only Penny had already asked that. "Did you touch the nape of his neck?"

"No...what?" Leonard's eyes widened. "What about the nape of his neck?"

"He's ticklish there," Penny explained, and there was a slight smile playing on her lips when she spoke. "We were wrestling for the remote control and I accidentally touched him there. He convulsed like an ADHD catfish off Ritalin. Gave me a strike for it."

Leonard didn't know which part worried him the most: the nape touching or the fact that Penny was still talking like Sheldon. "Sheldon watches TV in YOUR apartment?"

"Yeah. Takes his cereal there every morning to watch Dr. Who. But the Emmys was on that day we fought for the remote. I wanted to watch it but Dr. Whack-a-doodle had apparently made calculations as to who would be nominated and spoiled everything for me, so of course, I had to watch it just to get back at him. Thank goodness I was able to catch up with the lead actor in a comedy series category. Jim Parsons' reaction to his nomination was just pure gold and-"

"Penny, you're losing me here."

"Oh. I'm sorry." Penny calmed down a bit, but Leonard saw the way her hands fidgeted on her lap. She was taking to hiding her anxiousness through talking. Just like Sheldon.

Not for the first time, Leonard wondered just how much time she and Sheldon had spent together. "So...Sheldon has breakfast at your place?"

"Well yeah." Penny frowned. "You didn't know that?"

"Of course I did," Leonard lied. He never knew, although he should've suspected something whenever he woke up to find Sheldon already brushing his teeth. "I just didn't think you knew."

Okay, that was the wrong thing to say, and Leonard found himself wishing he had a mallet he could smash his head with, especially with the look Penny gave him.

When Penny spoke again, Leonard didn't know if he should be relieved by the change of topic or worried because of the content. "So...if it's nothing you or I did, why did Sheldon leave?"

Leonard bit his lower lip. There was really no way around this but before he could open his mouth to speak, a loud thud reverberated from Sheldon's room, followed by a nasal "Oh, Good Lord!"

Leonard shared glances with Penny, and in moments, they were standing in Sheldon's room, their eyes widening when they found him sprawled on the floor, his body pinned down by his pre-packed disaster evacuation bag, his foot caught on the window sill.

Sheldon stared up at them, and after a blink, said, "Hello."

"Hi." Leonard and Penny said at the same time.

Silence stretched on for a few moments before Sheldon released a short, attention-grabbing cough. "I believe it is fairly obvious in my current state that I am in need of assistance."

Without a word, Leonard and Penny helped Sheldon up to his feet. He wobbled a bit, but when he managed to regain equilibrium, Leonard let go of his arm.

Penny didn't. "Sheldon...you came back."

"I had no choice," Sheldon answered, his eyes darting across the room. Leonard thought he saw an eye twitch, which increased when Sheldon held up some thick, brightly colored ropes. "I had apparently forgotten my bungee cords, and the only viable mode of transportation for me to my mother's is by bus."

"You were going to Texas?" Penny asked. "Why?"

This time, Sheldon did look at Penny, his brows meeting. "You mean...Leonard hasn't told you?"

"Leonard hasn't told me what?"

Sheldon's head snapped to Leonard, and it was then that Leonard knew.

Sheldon HAD wanted him to tell Penny. Despite saying otherwise, he actually did want to let her know. Through him.

Leonard grinned. "Penny, you remember when I was about to tell you why Sheldon left?"

Penny turned to Leonard. He knew he had her attention now, and whatever desire for her to know the truth had clearly left Sheldon, what with his eye-twitching and slicing the space between his head and his neck with a hand.

"Sheldon's grandmother got sick," Leonard said, still holding his grin. "That's why Sheldon wasn't able to explain. It was a family emergency, he didn't want anyone to know. But Sheldon, I just got a call from your mother. Seems it was just gas. Your grandmother's fine. You should be getting a call any minute now."

"Wait..." Penny let go of Sheldon's arm. "Leonard, I don't remember hearing your cell phone ring. I was with you the whole time."

Crap. "Did I say call? I meant I got a text. Sheldon just got one, didn't you Sheldon?"

"I did?"

"Yes, you did."

"Oh, yes, I did." Sheldon glared at Leonard before making a show of looking at his cell phone. "There it is. Meemaw's fine."

"See?" Leonard held out both arms as though to show something. He knew he was trying a little to hard, but he didn't see how it could hurt. "Everything's fine. Sheldon doesn't have to leave anymore, right Sheldon?"

"I don't?"

"You don't."

"I don't," Sheldon parroted again with a glare.

Then, Penny jumped up and threw her arms around Sheldon's shoulders. Strange, Leonard thought, that he was feeling relieved.

"Don't you dare scare me like that again, Sheldon Cooper," Penny muttered, although she could hardly be heard. She had buried her head in Sheldon's chest when she said it. "I'd actually thought you were leaving for good."

There was no reaction from Sheldon. He was just standing there, stiff as an ironing board, and this annoyed Leonard to no end. He caught Sheldon's eye and motioned with his head for him to do something.

Slowly, and very awkwardly, Sheldon raised a hand and patted Penny's back. "There, there."

Penny giggled. "Oh, honey. You still have a lot to learn."

Leonard watched Sheldon's face contort in concentration when Penny pulled back. "Penny, I seem to detect an increase of blood flow towards your nose and cheeks, and a proliferation of water molecules near your tear ducts. Do you perhaps have a cold?"

Leonard rolled his eyes when Sheldon took a step back. Penny, however, didn't seem to mind.

"I'm fine, sweetie. I'm just glad your..." Leonard watched her glance over her shoulder towards him. He imagined she had forgotten he was still in the room. "Anyway...I think I better get back to my apartment. Good night you guys."

Leonard had never seen Penny leave the apartment so quickly, although he did catch the slight skip in her steps.

When he turned to Sheldon, he was met with a death glare.

This was going to be a long night.

"Leonard, before I am to further provide you with a detailed list of the obvious holes in your earlier fabrication of my mother's call or text, would you first care to explain why you elicited trickery and deceit to trap me here when I had stated valid and logical reasons for leaving?"

Leonard crossed his arms and smirked. He was going to win this one. "Let me ask you a question first, Sheldon. Why did you lie about leaving your bungee cords when in fact you have NEVER failed to pack one, ESPECIALLY for your disaster evacuation bag? And even if you did forget it, why would you take all the trouble of going up the fire escape, which you've said numerous times is more of a physical hazard than a potential life-saving mechanism, and sneak in through your window to retrieve it?"

"That's two questions, Leonard." An eye twitch. "And as you very well know, I was in a state of distress and it has apparently disrupted my normally perfect analytical functions, which resulted in my forgetting the bungee cords."

Leonard twisted his lips as he let the moment stew. When it became apparent Sheldon's eye twitches would not go away, he said, "You really can't give her up, can you Sheldon?"

"Oh of all the...I don't even know what I was thinking, coming back here!" Sheldon threw his hands up in the air and started to pace. Wow, was all Leonard could think. "I don't stand a chance against your kinship with Penny. In fact based on my calculations, I have a 0.0025697% chance of even convincing her to go out for coffee with me."

"You don't drink coffee."

"Exactly! And that comprises the 0.0025696%."

Leonard shook his head. "Sheldon, don't you think you're overreacting?"

"Off the bed, Leonard."

Leonard shot up from the edge of the mattress and backed off. His knees were getting a little buckly from standing, and he couldn't find anywhere else to sit on. At least, none that Sheldon would approve of. "Don't sell yourself short."

"I NEVER sell myself short. I'm six foot two."

"Sheldon, you know what I mean. You're putting yourself down. You have as good a chance as anyone to be with Penny. You should've seen the way she ran after your cab until she couldn't catch up anymore. She was pretty upset when you just upped and left."

For once, Sheldon had nothing to say. Leonard had a nagging feeling that he shouldn't be doing this, that this was not going to be beneficial on his part, but for now at least, the role of the best friend was far more necessary.

"Don't give her up, Sheldon. I'm not going to either." Leonard smiled and held out his hand. "Rivals?"

Sheldon looked at him suspiciously. "Is this some sort of invitation to a fist fight for Penny's affections? I told you I'm not one for such violence."

Leonard considered his roommate for a moment with a twisted lip. "You're nearly a foot taller than I am. In the real world, David doesn't fight Goliath." He held out his arm further, but still, Sheldon wouldn't take it. With another eye-roll, Leonard took a hand sanitizer from his pocket, rubbed it in his hands and held his palm out again. "Rivals?"

The corners of Sheldon's lips turned up to just the slightest of smiles before he finally took Leonard's hand in his. "Rivals."

"Okay, rival." Leonard smiled back and stretched. Long night indeed. Tiring, but satisfying. "Let's go get us some midnight snack."

"Oh, dear God!"

Leonard spun around. "What?"

Slowly, Sheldon raised his head, a look of horror on his face. "I missed Halo night."

END