Work Text:
He hadn’t come home, and Ben had given up waiting.
Frowning, he tipped the Chinese in the bin, there was no need for it, Callum could have heated it up later. But that wasn’t the point. They were meant to eat together, as a team. He sighed as the last portion fell into the waste bin, before placing the cartons into a bin bag, taking them out of the house and into the large outside bin to get the smell of food out of the house.
Ben didn’t need reminding of the meal they should have enjoyed together.
It was cold anyway, almost as cold as the house felt as he was the only one in. His dad was out god knows where, coming back tomorrow evening. It was going to be perfect, they had the house to themselves, Ben had ordered a takeaway, picked a few movies he knew Callum liked which he had splayed out across the coffee table ready for his fiancé to choose from. And then to top it all off, Ben wanted his boyfriend deep inside him by the end of the night.
They hadn’t been doing that much lately, sex. Callum was always busy, either waking up super early so he could get a run in before work, or like tonight, going out for drinks after the shift had ended with his perfect law abiding officer mates. And Ben was starting to resent it.
He didn’t mean to resent his mans success, he understood how much Callum had wanted this, worked for it. But he couldn’t help feel as though he was being left behind along the way, because his life hadn’t changed. Ben wasn’t suddenly waking up an hour earlier to squeeze a couple laps around the square, he wasn’t hanging out with his new colleagues at the Vic. Nothing had changed.
Walking into the lounge, Ben winced when he saw the films lined out on the coffee table in the most inorganic way possible. He had made every effort to make sure they were all angled nicely, wanting Callum to like it. And then, the pillows- god the PILLOWS- they had been fluffed to within an inch of their lives, ready for Callum to jump into them after his hard day at work, for Ben to follow suit, crawling into his lap and nuzzling his nose against the stubble on Callum’s neck. He’d been keeping his stubble a little bit longer as of lately, and Ben loved it. Appreciating that burn that it left on his skin, still noticeable for days later.
But Callum wasn’t here, and Ben wasn’t cuddling into his warm body, nuzzling at his neck while stroking his hand up and down his chest.
Instead he was out, enjoying the life that Ben wasn’t a part of.
Ben hated it.
He hated that he knew he should be happy for his fiancé, he hated how he felt jealous of his fiancé’s ever-developing career movements, he hated how neglected he felt, how lonely.
He narrowed his eyes towards the films laid out meticulously on the coffee table, deciding to turn the blame onto them, for being lame and not cool enough to make Callum come home to him. A harsh hand picked all five up, before stashing them back into the box the tv was sat on. Moving towards the couch, he pushed down on all of the plumped pillows, frowning at the way they deflated underneath him, it all seemed so temporary.
Once the house looked positively normal, Ben relaxed a bit. At least this way, that when, if, Callum did come home tonight, he wouldn’t be able to tell what Ben had done tonight, to what extent he had gone to make his fiancé want to hang out with him.
He allowed himself a sad laugh, shaking his head. The man was allowed to go out for drinks with mates, that’s was okay. And it wasn’t like Ben had told him his plans, explained the romantic evening he had set up for the pair of them. But since when did he have to make an appointment in advance with his fiancé? What happened to spontaneity?
A bigger part of him than he would like to admit was jealous. David, one of Callum’s colleagues, was probably there tonight. Stood there in all his six foot three glory and that smile Ben just wanted to slap off of his just a bit too chiselled face. Would that be something Callum liked? Someone taller than him? Ben loved the fact his fiancé could tower over him and dominate him with his physical power and build, maybe that was something that turned Cal on too? Someone bigger than him.
But no, because he always talks about how he likes being able to pick Ben up, cuddle him and have him straddle his lap while they don’t watch the movie that is playing in the background. But what if that really is just that, him talking about it, saying it to make Ben feel better? He groaned to himself, the argument going on inside his head giving him an ache right behind his left brow bone.
He sighed, before taking himself upstairs to change into something more comfortable, that way, like the food and movies, Callum wouldn’t have to know that Ben wore his fiancé’s favourite shirt just for him, or the tight black jeans that he knew- well thought- Callum loved on him. Peeling the tight denim down his legs, he caught sight of himself in the mirror and couldn’t even try to stop the frown forming.
He imagined that David didn’t frown when he checked himself out.
Ben had put on a bit of relationship weight, and when he asked the ‘am I getting fat’ question Callum had scrunched up his nose before lifting him up into his arms and walking them to their bed, where he asked Ben to ride him so he could watch his beautiful fiancé above him. Now, looking in the mirror, he let his hands move down to his hips, fingers harshly grabbing at the new fat there. Callum had held him there, fingers digging into the flesh as he circled Ben’s hips with his hands so that Ben would grind down on him the way they both liked, and it felt good. But now, Ben’s fingers felt cold and unloving against his softened hips, as he asked himself the question, ‘who would want this?’
Before he gave his body chance to let a second tear slip from his eyes, he turned away from the mirror, hiding from the sight of himself, and continued to strip from his clothes, the jeans being thrown angrily across the room once he had finally gotten his feet out of them.
Throwing on the night shirt he had worn to bed last night, he breathed in slowly, recognising the smell of Callum’s skin on the shirt from where they had cuddled last night. Maybe they had cuddled because it was in the dark, and therefore Callum couldn’t actually see his fiancé, he could allow himself to believe that the man in his bed was still the attractive Ben he had met in the Vic that day.
He woke up to a large hand shaking his arm, gently, he knew who it was. Callum was home. Opening his eyes, he took in his surroundings, noticing that at some point he must have moved from their bed to the sofa so that when Callum came home he would notice. Because maybe Callum would like that, for Ben to be sat there waiting for him. It’s domestic isn’t it?
“Callum? What- what time is it?”
He must have heard the hurt in Ben’s voice, his calloused but gentle hand coming up to stroke at his cheek.
“Just past one, I lost track of time Ben, I’m so sor-”
Ben shoved against his fiancé’s broad shoulders, moving past him away from where he had been sleeping on the couch. Callum whipped around, trying to keep up with Ben, the smaller man noticed he wasn’t even that drunk, he didn’t even need alcohol to stay away and leave Ben at home anymore. “You didn’t call! You didn’t text! You just- you just left ME!”
“I know, I know, and I am really fucking sorry Ben! I got asked to drinks after work, celebration drinks for this case we just nailed down and-”
”And what Callum? I just get fucking tossed to the curb?”
“It’s not like that, I promise you!” Callum reached out, soft fingers wrapping around Ben’s palm, only to be slapped away to the beat of Ben’s scoff. “Ben, please, I get your mad, you have every right to be, but just let me explain?”
“What, WHAT is there to explain? Friday nights used to be ours, we- I don’t know what I’ve done wrong, you are never here anymore! You’re never with me and- and I know I’m not as- not as attractive anymore-”
“WOAH, woah, Ben, Ben you are beautiful, what are you talking about?”
“You know what I’m fucking talking about, Callum,” Ben stepped further backwards, wringing his fingers as he stared hard at the floor, “was he there tonight?”
His tall fiancé walked forwards carefully, treating Ben like a scared animal that could bolt any minute- which he could. “Ben, you are gorgeous, and I love y-”
”Answer the fucking question Callum.” Ben’s cutting tone stopped Callum from progressing any closer, instead he dropped his arms to his sides while chasing Ben’s hurt gaze.
“David?” Ben’s eye roll was almost audible, followed by a sad high laugh, “Yes, he was there, but Ben we work together, that is IT, I promise you that! I’m with you!”
“Oh YES, because I’m the one you come home to aren’t I Callum? I’m the one you share a bed with, I’m the one you have sex with, I’m the one you wake up with. Except for the fact that I’m NOT, you don’t come home- you, you don’t t-touch me anymore-” he sniffed loudly, cheeks beginning to feel damp, “I wake up and you are gone, running or whatever fuck else that you would rather be doing instead of waking up with me!”
He had successfully stunned Callum into silence, and when he looked up from the ground he saw tears pooling in those blue eyes of his.
“I bet David goes running, I already know he’s successful, fit, brave, tall, it would make sense if he ran too, wouldn’t it?”
“Don’t do this to yourself Ben, please.”
“Get the rounds in did he? Although you don’t seem drunk, filled your time with other things did ya?”
Ben saw the hurt wash over Callum’s face, his eyes widened before he made another attempt to close the gap. This time was successful, strong hands grabbed both of Ben’s arms, “What are you saying? Are you saying I’m having an- an affair?!”
“Yes CALLUM, that’s what I’m sayin’! It’s because I haven’t made it good for you isn’t it? I’ve stopped trying, and now you’ve- well you’ve gone elsewhere...”
“I HAVEN’T GONE ANYWHERE, BEN!”
“You’ve got form, Callum, let’s face it-”
“Form? Form- Ben! I was in a relationship with someone I could never be happy with, and then I found you! Why- why would I EVER fuck that up?”
“Because your too good for me, Callum, that’s what it will always be about.”
“Can’t you just stop being insecure?” His left hand rubbed at Ben’s stubble as he used his right to lift his chin up so he could make sure Ben was looking in his eyes, “I’m sorry, okay? I’m so sorry. I’ve been a shit partner and I’ve been neglecting you and I can’t apologise enough for that. I let myself get too involved work, that’s why I’ve been home so late, I’m so exhausted but that shouldn’t mean you have to feel like this.”
“I-”
“Let me finish, please?” Ben nodded, shyly leaning into the warm hand placed on his cheek, “Theres this promotion being offered, and I’m almost there, it would mean being able to get our own place! A room for Lexi too, our own space. And I don’t know why I didn’t tell you, the only reason I can think of is that I didn’t want you getting my hopes up and disappointing you-”
“Cal,”
“Ben, just-” Callum lowered a finger from Ben’s tear stained cheek to his lips, successfully shushing his fiancé, “So that’s what’s been going on, I need to be at my best physically, hence the running and I’m putting in all the hours. They asked me out for drinks tonight after I finished work at six and I should have come home, I am sorry about that.” He took in a deep breath before contributing, “and yes, David was there,” Ben’s jaw tensed, ready to be rejected, and Callum just wanted to take away all those doubts and replace it with trust, “and he bored us all night, wailing on about his pregnant wife and how stressful all the planning was, sorting the nursery and all the clothes his missus is makin’ him buy. I’ve seen more pictures of a pregnant woman today than I have seen in my whole fuckin’ life.”
Ben stared, eyes wide, “He’s straight?” Callum nodded, looking right into his smaller fiancé’s eyes.
“I’m sorry Ben, I let work take priority over us, over you, when really nothing is ever going to be more important than you. You will wake up with me from now on, I will carry you to bed after we’ve eaten dinner and I will remind you just how attractive you are, because you Ben Mitchell are the most gorgeous man I’ve ever laid eyes on. And you are all mine. And I all yours.”
Ben blushed heavily, his cheeks hot against Callum’s palm, he turned his face to place a kiss on his fiancé’s fingers before nodded shyly up at him. He blushed even harder when Callum moved his hands down to wrap around his thighs, lifting him up against his body. Ben wrapped his legs around his waist before pushing his face into Callum’s neck. Callum whispered against his hair “I love you, Ben,” delivered with a kiss to his ear.
“I love you too.”
Callum began walking them both through the hallway and then up the stairs, “I’ll book this next week off-”
”Callum, the promotion, don’t jeopardise that!”
“Babe, the promotion is in the bag!” Ben laughed against his shoulder as his fiancé walked them easily up the stairs, us grip unfaltering.
“And one last thing, David? He’s way too tall for me anyway.” Ben giggled into his mans shirt, all insecurities and doubts now dropped from his shoulders. He just felt loved.