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The first time Jem looked up at Will, it was on accident. He had shifted and his gaze had wandered up to the boy sitting by the window. He had stared, breath caught in his throat, at him for far longer than logical. Will always looked so young when he was reading. Soft around the edges, like something about him had been smoothed over.
Will glanced up, noticing the attention. “What?”
“Nothing. Lost in thoughts.” Jem smiled, trying to ease the tightness in his heart. Will gave him a lopsided grin and went back to his book. Jem did, as well. Then, not five minutes later, he glanced up again.
The setting sun streamed through, lighting around Will like a halo, turning the tips of his hair dark brown. He looked like one of the nephilim. He looked like a mortal boy. He looked kind, stern, indolent, gorgeous. For one long, painful moment, Jem thought he wouldn’t be able to resist pushing his book aside and taking Will in his arms.
But, he thought, with a quirk of his lips, his enjoyment of seeing Will look calm and relaxed outweighed his desire to hold him. He only looked like this when he was reading alone with just Jem, in the bright early morning when he had just awoken, or right after Jem had taken him to bed, late at night, boneless and relaxed and at peace.
Jem dragged his eyes back to the page. He managed to delve into the story this time, escaping into the soft drama of book romances, and was only drawn out of his reading when he felt eyes upon him.
Raising his eyes, Jem found Will gazing at him thoughtfully. He raised an eyebrow, shifting in his chair.
“What?” Jem asked, parroting Will’s earlier question. Will tilted his head, black locks falling into his eyes.
“You look so calm.”
Jem, taken aback by Will thinking of him what he had thought about Will, failed to find words for a long moment. Eventually, he asked,
“Do I not normally?”
“You always look tense. Worried. Though you hide it well.” Will shifted in his chair, shutting his book, finger as a placeholder.
Jem smiled fondly as Will kept speaking.
“Here, you do not need your cane. I rarely hear you cough. Did you know,” Will continued, swinging his legs down. “The sound of your breathing is my favourite sound in the entire world?”
Jem felt his cheeks heat. This soft side of Will was so rare, found in stolen moments of kisses and gasps, that to see it now, in the light of day, felt something like being shown the sun at midnight. Awe-inspiring, shocking, and absolutely magical.
“Why is that?” He asked, unable to keep the smile out of his voice.
“Because when you are breathing, you are not coughing. You are not injured, and you are not-” His breath caught, then he finished. “-dead.”
Something tugged at Jem’s heart. He reached over to Will, and Will reached out his hand as well. They clasped hands. Then Will launched himself up and flung himself down into Jem’s lap. The chair was large and comfortable, but the two of them stacked like this made it seem impressively small. Jem laughed breathlessly and shoved at him.
“Get off, you big oaf.”
Will flung an arm over his forehead dramatically, which ground his hipbone painfully into Jem’s thigh.
“My love is unwanted. My beloved wishes me gone. My lover gives me disdain when I give him affection.”
“I give you disdain when you wound my leg from jumping on it,” Jem responded mildly. Will made a derisive noise. There was a brief struggle that ended with Will folded in Jem’s lap, like some bastardization of a princess carry. Jem retrieved his book from the side table and propped it open on top of Will, continuing his reading.
Will propped his head awkwardly up on one hand, watching Jem. Jem tried to stay focused, but a smile tugged at his lips. Will reached his other hand across and brushed some of Jem’s hair out of his face.
“I never want to live in a world without your breathing,” He murmured, gently. You will, Jem thought, but he couldn’t bear to speak such a thought in this soft space. So all said was,
“Do you know what my favourite sound is?” Will shook his head. “Your laughter. It’s so rare, each bit of it I get to hear gives me more joy than anything in the world.”
Will looked startled, then gave an obliging laugh. Jem placed a hand over Will’s, still hovering near his face.
“I never want to live in a world without your laugh.”
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