Chapter Text
“And that’s a wrap on ‘Smosh Does ASMR’!” Matt Raub yelled, but I barely heard him; we’d already devolved into a chattering mess. Kimmy turned and hugged me.
“That was great! Did you have fun?”
I smiled at my friend. “Of course! How could I not? You guys are so fun to hang out with.”
It was a nice change of pace for me, filming this type of video. As an ASMR YouTuber, most of my videos were pretty low energy, quiet affairs. I also typically worked alone. But ever since I befriended Kimmy a few months ago, she’d been begging to collab. Of course, it wasn’t entirely up to me; Ian had to approve the idea, but he was on board to make all sorts of videos, so when I suggested I teach Smosh how ASMR works, his only request was we use the weirdest objects we could find to do so. I immediately agreed, and so here we were.
Ian shouted to me from across the mass of people. “Y/N, that was awesome! You’re pretty outgoing when you want to be, I didn’t expect that from an ASMR-er.”
Shayne walked up, lightly patting me on the shoulder. “Yeah, that was pretty fun. I didn’t think you’d be that energetic! I don’t think I’ve ever heard you speak above a whisper!” He laughed, and I pretended to laugh and nodded along. I knew he meant well, but it got old hearing the little jokes about how quiet I am. I make ASMR content and not much else. I don’t have a vlog channel, my social media is pretty tame; people tend to think I’m a quiet little mouse just based on what little I choose to share on the internet.
The crowd was starting to dissipate, running to get lunch from the other room, but Damien hung back.
“Hey, that was really neat! I had a good time.” He smiled, and I waited for the joke to come. “I’ve always been curious about this genre. I know a ton of people love it but I never really got into it much. Maybe I just haven’t been watching the right people. I’m gonna have to check out some of your stuff, you seem like an expert.”
I smiled back at him, pleasantly surprised. “I mean, expert is a strong word. I have been doing it for a couple years so I guess I have a little more experience than others. But you’re right, not everyone makes good ASMR. And everyone has sounds that trigger them differently. You just need to find which ones you like.”
“Like what? I mean I know we just used a plastic phone, shitty costume pieces and some vegetables, but what type of stuff actually works?” He seemed genuinely interested.
“Well, maybe I can bring you to my little studio sometime and we can see if I can give you goosebumps.” I suggested, mostly joking, and when his eyes widened a bit I realized how strange that had sounded. “Uh, by that I mean, some people get chills and stuff when they hear certain sounds. I didn’t mean…”
“Oh, I gotcha!” He laughed, rubbing the back of his neck. “That would be so cool! You’ll have to let me know when you’re filming next, I’d love to check it out.”
Courtney called for him before I could answer and he politely excused himself, saying bye to me and wishing me well. He seemed sweet, and I appreciated him taking time to ask about my work. I doubt we’ll see each other much, but who knows, maybe Kimmy would ask me to come by again for a follow up video if this one is well-received. I went back to grab my things and say bye to Kimmy before I left.
“No! Stay! You can watch us film a Try Not To Laugh in an hour! We have extra food if you want lunch!” She spoke through the bite of sandwich in her mouth.
“Thanks, but I’m feeling a little socially exhausted already. This was a lot of fun, but I could use a nap.” I was sure she could see the fatigued look on my face because she shooed me away dramatically, telling me to text her later before going back to her sandwich.
I texted Kimmy when I arrived home, not expecting to get a response for a few hours, and laid down to nap. I awoke about an hour later and realized I should have accepted the offer to eat a free lunch. I picked up my phone and ordered some Chinese from my favorite place, then pulled up YouTube on my TV. I realized despite my friend being involved, I didn’t watch a ton of Smosh’s content. I turned on the first video that came up when I searched them, their most recent Every Blank Ever. I watched a couple more sketches before coming across more of the unscripted content, the first one being a punishment game video. I found myself cracking up as I saw everyone getting so competitive and then crying as they ate spicy chocolates. The next video that was suggested was an older TNTL, then Hacking Off. I was laughing so hard at Shayne and Damien I almost didn’t hear the delivery person knocking on my front door. I leapt off the couch, quickly tipped the driver so I could dash back to my TV, and before I knew it, hours had gone by.
That evening, after seeing some of their edited down live streams, I decided to follow them on Twitch as well. There wasn’t a stream tonight, but I noticed Damien was live right now, playing Animal Crossing. I pulled it up on my TV as the boy I met this morning’s face filled my screen. It wasn’t a particularly eventful game, he was building a garden on his island, but the way he spoke to his audience was so sweet and engaging. He called people out by name, thanked them genuinely for donating to him, and seemed to get overwhelmed by all the kind messages he received . I could see why he was such a favorite at Smosh. Then he started talking about his day and I perked up.
“We filmed all day today and this morning we did a pretty unique video… I won’t give too much away but…” he switched to a whisper, “It was very on-trend, and I’ll go ahead and spoil that we had Y/N as a guest.” I smiled at the mention of my name, and decided to say hi. A couple seconds later his face lit up. “Guys! Y/N is in the chat! Can we all give her a warm Clever Corps welcome?” Immediately the chat filled with people greeting me, saying they liked my channel, saying they’d need to look me up, theorizing what the collab was all about.
“Let me know in the chat if you think Y/N and I should collab on a live stream? ASMR Twitch anyone?” He laughed as the chat blew up again, saying they’d love to see it. His fans were sweet like him, and it was nice to feel supported, but I knew we’d never end up doing anything for real. It wasn’t anything against him, all creators do it; you meet at a con, or maybe collab once, and you both swear you’re going to do something together someday, but schedules get busy, things happen, and it never gets done. It’s more of a formality at this point to say “let’s collab”; it’s like the YouTube version of seeing an old friend and saying “we should get lunch sometime.” But you never do get lunch, do you? You just want the other person to feel missed, appreciated, and for them to think you’re a sociable person.
I watched the rest of the stream, enjoying how charming he was and appreciating that he seemed to act the same off camera as he does on. I suspected that most of his coworkers were the same way, and started to wish that they actually would invite me back some day. Because I’d agree for real, not just for the formality.