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Listeners, there is a boy here, in the studio. He's not an intern, because I recognize all the station interns, and none of them have bright golden wings.
This boy has silver hair like spun moonlight, and eyes that aren't quite green- more of a golden-green, kind of like discolored leaves or maybe like the mutated owls that sometimes fly over our heads, or...nebulae! Like the ever-changing colors of the gaseous clouds in space!
He almost looks like an angel, but...that doesn't sound quite right, either.
His wings, like I said, are a bright gold, and they are folded at an angle like a swerving comet tail, and floating above his head is a halo of what looks to be miniature stars or suns, but like...suns if they didn't blind you when you looked at them.
...
The boy tells me his name is Takashi, and he says he comes from outer space-oh! Are you also a time traveler? Do you know who wins the Blood Space War?
...
Oh.
Well.
Takashi here says he is not a time traveler. He...is an angel, but what is called a Space Angel.
He tells me he is responsible for naming every living thing in the universe, and that when things die, he takes their names and passes them on to newborn things.
He says also that the angels we know- the Erikas- are actually a mistake. Apparently when he took the name of a certain Erika, something happened to break it into like, a zillion pieces, and they ended up going everywhere. All those pieces of Erika became several different Erikas, but they all had the name Erika, so Takashi didn't know about them until a few dozen years ago, and he decided they weren't hurting anything, so he didn't mess with them.
Huh.
So, like, if you're not here to deal with the Erikas, then...why are you here?
...
...
Oh. I see.
Listeners, Takashi tells me he's looking for someone.
...
He tells me he's looking for a very close friend.
Citizens, be on the lookout for a white, four-legged beast about three meters tall and four and a half meters long. It has a long, fluffy tail kind of like a fox tail, but wispier, and red markings along the upper half of its face. It answers to "Madara", "Nyanko-sensei", just "sensei", "Ponta", and "Pork bun".
...
Takashi says if anyone finds his missing friend, he'll give them some very valuable information as a reward.
Hmm...I wonder what that means.
Hey, Takashi, what does that-
Oh.
Well, now he's gone.
Oh well.
If anyone finds his friend, let the station or the Sheriff's Secret Police know by hugging yourself, throwing yourself onto the floor, then roll around while screaming, "the end is nigh! The end is nigh! Hail to the Great Beast! The end is nigh!", got it?
Good.
And now, listeners, the weather.