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"The discs were worth more than you ever were!"
The words were out of his mouth in the spur of the moment, spoken carelessly with the intention of hurting without actually thinking about the meaning of those words. Tubbo could immediately see the regret flash across Tommy's face, his posture growing ever worse as his eyes darted downwards and his shoulder hunched inwards. It didn't at all ease the ferocious sting that filled Tubbo's chest the moment those dreadful awful words entered the empty air.
Oh, and empty it was.
Tommy's word were followed by a harrowing silence, no one being quite brave enough to speak afterwards, to follow those words up with something else.
The two started at each other for a long time, Tubbo's grip on the disc threateningly tight. Tommy's jaw tightened and before turning slack periodically, making the moments seem longer than they actually were. There was a strange mixture of emotions on the face of the boy that Tubbo wasn't entirely sure he knew anymore. Anger, hatred, fear, regret, and Tubbo didn't know exactly where all of those emotions were being directed. It was hard to tell a source when Tommy's eyes jumped around nervously from person to person, fingers twitching like he wanted to snatch the discs, his entire posture tense as though any moment he'd need to make a swift get away. Perhaps it was because he might have to.
Every set of eyes in the audience were turned on Tommy following those words. Some were full of hatred, others full of nothing but pity. Some looked nervous and some looked enraged. So many different feelings muddled the air and made the ever growing tension brought on by the lapsing silence even worse.
Tubbo hated it, truly, with ever fiber of his being. This discs were precious items to Tommy, Tubbo understood that. They were the one thing he brought with him when he arrived in the Esempii. That didn't excuse his actions though, not in Tubbo's eyes, and it didn't change the fact he was supposed to be exiled.
"See?" Dream asked, taking full advantage of the moment to gesture wildly at the boy in front of Tommy. "He doesn't care about you. He doesn't care about anyone! He cares about himself and those discs, that's it, that's all he's ever cared about!" Dream said. There was something about his tone that left Tubbo's thoughts feel strangely muddled. As though trying to listen to Dream was comparable to trudging through molasses. He didn't particularly like the feeling. The words didn't even make sense.
Despite all the mutters and whimpers that coursed through the audience, there were a small group of people who knew better. A group of three people who remembered far back enough to know that Tommy, those words weren't true about Tommy. He never cared more about himself than he did about the people around him. Hell, he never even cared more about the discs. In particular, Tubbo could feel the eyes of Eret and Fundy burn against his skin as he pulled the disc closer to his chest. They knew. They remembered. It was still like yesterday when Tommy gave up these discs for L'manberg. For Wilbur.
Nothing actually dulled the sting though. The longer Tommy was apart from those discs the worse he seemingly became. Almost erratic in his want for them back. Nervous and jump and most importantly, dangerous. Tubbo hated these discs. He hated what they represented, what they meant, how badly Tommy wanted them. The discs had become a siren song to the rest of the server just because they were important to Tommy, and for Tommy they were some kind of devil's chain. Binding him to them with an over obsessive and dangerous zeal. Tubbo loved his best friend dearly, and he wanted that best friend back.
"Give me the disc Tubbo," Dream said, voice a command more than a request.
Tubbo glanced at Tommy, only to see a mixture of deeply rooted grief, hatred, and loathing. Tubbo wasn't sure if it was directed at him, Dream, or Tommy himself. "Go ahead Tubbo. Give him the disc." There was a broken cadence to his tone as Tommy seemed to sag.
He knew though, Tubbo knew, if he gave Dream this disc then things wouldn't be ending here. His fingers dug into the sides until he could feel the rims of the stupid thing leaving indents in them. Tommy noticeably shifted around uncomfortably, eyes still jumping to the disc and then everyone around him.
What had the Esempii become?
Whatever it was Tubbo hated it, and he blamed the discs.
"That won't solve this Dream. I think I knew something that will though," Tubbo said.
Fundy was perhaps the first to realize what Tubbo was going to do, seeing a glint of terror in the fox hybrid's eyes where curiosity rested in the gazes of everyone else Dream included. Fundy also immediately began to jump forward. "Don't!" He cried out with more desperate emotion than he'd ever heard in Fundy's tone before.
Tubbo didn't listen.
In one fluid movement, he snapped the disc in two, letting the discarded halves fall to the ground with very little ceremony. It was as though the world stopped turning with how still everyone became. It was in those few moment Tubbo caught Tommy's eyes. Watching all of the emotions leave his best friend's gaze. Tubbo watched, all he could do was watch, as Tommy's gaze went entirely blank before shifting into a kind of terror that never seen on the face of someone he'd always considered to be the bravest person he knew.
Fundy sucked in a sharp breath. He was the first to move, kneeling down to swipe a piece of the shattered disc of the group. His ears flattened with a muttered "oh no" as he regarded the disc with a type of mourning typically reserved for funerals.
Everyone else was so shell shocked by the action that they didn't move, didn't even react, until a scream ripped its way through the air. A genuine scream. One of terror. One of pain.
Now, most people would have looked at Tommy and perhaps they would have assumed he was being melodramatic if it wasn't for two factors. The rawness of the scream, and the way his entire body suddenly curled in on itself like he'd just had a sword rammed through his gut. Suffice to say Tubbo found himself terrified was a bit of an understatement. Tommy outright fell to his knees in the decimated ruins of the Community House, shaking his head and pulling at his hair.
Fundy moved with a practice kind of ease. "Tommy?" He asked, holding out a hand to his traumatized child of an uncle.
Tommy, in a voice that Tubbo had never heard him use before, recoiled back from the attempted touch and outright snarled. "Don't touch me!" His entire body was shivering as he began to cough violently, the noise alone painful. Techno, who's stood awkwardly to the side while Tubbo and Tommy had fought, nervously tried to approach, slower than Fundy but still with the intent of reaching out and making sure the younger was okay. The result was similar, if even more pronounced. "I said don't fucking touch me!" Tommy screamed in a voice that was slowly becoming less human the farther he pushed himself to the ground.
It felt like something woven in the very air shattered, leaving Tubbo feeling like he was seeing stars. He could hear Tommy dry heaving from the force of his coughing alone as he attempted to rub the stars from his gaze.
When Tubbo's eyes finally refocused the first thing they landed on was Tommy. Not his Tommy. Not good old human Tommy with his goofy smiles and care free voice. This Tommy had ears. Fox ears to be exact. His entire form was curling in on itself as he writhed in pain. Nine golden fox tails curling around his form as he pushed himself farther and farther away from any physical contact.
Tubbo barely even recognized when two tails were attached to Fundy. The only thing he actually noticed was the fox hybrid shoot forward regardless of the way in which Tommy was growling so he could wrap his arms around Tommy's shoulders and try to hold him steady. No. Fundy wasn't a fox hybrid. A kitsune, he was a kitsune. They both were kitsune. Neither of them had ever told Tubbo. His hands were shaking and he didn't know what was going on. Everyone was taken so off guard than even Dream stood in an eerie silence, posture rigid as he watched Fundy try to coax some form of reaction out of Tommy by shaking him.
"Tommy, come on. Please tell me that wasn't the real one. Tell me that was all fake. Tommy, Tommy, please tell me what I think just happened isn't what actually happened," Fundy pleaded and bargained as he leaned closer to the younger boy, if Tommy had even ever been honest about his age to begin with. Thinking about it he had nine tails...
That didn't really matter as much in the moment though. Not when Tubbo was more worried about Tommy himself than whatever lies he might have told to protect the secret of what he actually was. Not when Tommy suddenly convulsed, body pitching forward with a shudder. Another grotesque round of coughing was followed by a splattering of blood painting the floor only to mix away with the water under their feet. Blood that dripped down the corner of Tommy's mouth as another round of full body shivers struck him. Panic in eyes that were already coated by a glassy sheen of pain, glinting in an intensity Tubbo had never seen before.
He suddenly forced himself to his feet with a certain intensity, the panic being replaced by the kind of fear in the eyes of corner wild animals. With all his strength, Tommy lobbed a pearl. Tubbo followed in turn, trying to catch up with Tommy. But the moment he'd gotten out of the ruins of the Community Center, Tommy had dropped to all fours and sprinted away with a speed that Tubbo wasn't entirely sure he could mimic even if he used up the last of his ender pearls.
So understandably, he returned to the Community House to interrogate the one person that seemed like he understood what was going on. Only to find Techno already doing that.
"And why should I tell you," Fundy snapped, teeth bared in a snarl. His multiple tails puffed up defensively as Dream took another step towards him only for Fundy's growling to grow even worse. "I'm sure as not telling you after what you did to him!" His eyes narrowed as he pointed an accusatory claw in Dream's direction, the snarling continuing to grow even louder as Dream tried to take another step forward, only to fall back a bit when he realized the growls weren't empty threats.
"Please can you tell us something," Techno managed to hiss out through gritted teeth as Fundy continued to stare him and everyone else in the ruins down with a sense of true ire.
It almost reminded him of Fundy's expression after Wilbur died. Which wasn't a comparison that Tubbo necessarily wanted to make. "Why should I tell you anything? Why should I tell any of you anything? It's a family matter, and you've made it abundantly clear that the only members of Tommy's family have always been myself and Wilbur. Since when have any of you given a shit about the either of us. We didn't matter after Wilbur died! We were only pests, nuisances, so you ignored one of us and sent the other a thousand blocks away with a man who was outright abusive. And I damn well know I'm not the only one who was aware of it either, at least Ranboo traded letters with him. So again. Why should I tell any of you besides maybe Ranboo a single damn thing about Tommy."
Fundy tilted his muzzle upwards, meeting Techno dead in the eyes with a rebellious kind of glint in his gaze. Dream couldn't even get within five feet of the conversation before the growling started back up. The moment Dream opened his mouth to ask a question, Fundy was quick to talk over Dream loud enough that only Fundy himself could be heard. Speaking in a barely cohesive string of curses that was vaguely reminiscent of Tommy.
"I took care of the kid for weeks Fundy, it's my right to know," Techno said. If appeals wouldn't work then maybe reason would. Fundy, however, just met Techno's gaze with an eerie kind of chill.
"Taking care of and tolerating are two very different things. Like I said earlier. Ranboo kept tabs on Tommy because he knows things. I kept tabs on Tommy because I know things. I am far from impressive with a man who willingly agreed to sell him back to Dream," Fundy tilted his head to the side slightly like the change of angle would give him more insight. His ears flicked and the icy sheen of his gaze made it seem like he was staring straight through Techno.
Ranboo, who'd been mostly silent, suddenly looked aghast. "What, you what?" The half enderman asked, pulling out a book and clutching it close to his chest. It would be an understatement to say that he looked ill, swaying slightly. A couple of hands pushed on his shoulder and Ranboo was half led and half forced into the center of the ruins. He quickly ended up taking a spot next to Fundy. The closest anyone had managed to get without receiving growls for their efforts.
Techno himself seemed, to his benefit, confused. "Abuser? Do you mean Dream?"
"Who else!?" Fundy snapped, tails shooting straight up in the air while his ears went flat against his head, another snarl building in the back of his throat as he paced towards Techno. "Do you have any idea what Dream did to Tommy in exile? And by exile, I mean kidnapped, because that's what it was. Tommy's exile was supposed to simply mean he was banned from certain areas. However, Dream kept him specifically confined to one place. Every day Dream would show up, take all of Tommy's belongings and burn or blow them up right in front of him. Sometimes making Tommy himself light the tnt. And you know what happened when Tommy, being Tommy, refused? Well, Techno if you 'took care of him' then surely you should have seen the bruises." Fundy's tone was entirely ice as he straightened up, shoulders almost too relaxed as he regarded Dream like an insect.
Techno to his credit at least paled. "There were a lot of bruises on the kid, not all of them were... I mean. I wasn't planning to sell him, it was all of bluff so I mean... I saved him. I did," Techno voice trailed off into a kind of silence that made it seem like he was trying to convince himself rather than Fundy.
"Oh a bluff. Really? And did Tommy know that? Techno, if Tubbo hadn't broken that disc then there's about a ninety percent chance Tommy would have sided with him. And ya know what? I'd sympathize with you Techno, for loosing a friend, and I know that Tommy would feel bad for hurting someone he considered a friend even if you reject being family. Yet, he wouldn't be even remotely wrong. You'd have, in a lot of ways, earned in. And none of you are ever going to get a chance to apologize now," Fundy said.
"Why not?" Tubbo was the one the ask the question. Voice quivering like a child's.
Fundy turned to him, the anger draining away into a sad kind of pity. "He's dying Tubbo."
That was the comment that broke everyone. "What do you mean?" Voices cried out as they turned to Fundy with expressions of horror. Ranboo seemed less shocked and just more disappointed.
"Tommy was a kitsune, guys," Ranboo said as though that explained everything. When it apparently didn't he opened up his book and sighed. "Kitsune are powerful fox spirits. Unfortunately, this power makes a certain item necessary. These items are called hoshi-no-tamas. No one knows if it holds the kitsune's power or their very soul, but they're extremely important. Separating a hoshi-no-tama from the kitsune will cause the kitsune extreme pain, persistent and constant weakness, and in extreme cases even cause mental atrophy to the point of insanity or paranoia. Destroying a hoshi-no-tama... Once it's destroyed the owner will be dead within a matter of hours. They'll be impossible to find due to their illusions protecting them unless the kitsune in question actively wants to see you in their last moments. As for Tommy, his were his discs. If one gets destroyed it'll have the same effect as both getting destroyed."
"Aren't hoshi-no-tama's supposed to be little golden balls though?" Eret asked, though the direness of his tone seemed to imply he already knew the answer.
"Typically yes, but kitsune are illusory creatures. If you wanted to hide your hoshi-no-tama, wouldn't you make it something unsuspecting but still valuable enough you wouldn't lose it? Look," Ranboo gestured to where the disc had fallen but in the place of the disc Tubbo had broken sat a little golden ball which had been shattered in half. The fragments mixed with the water and the ball itself seemed to leak a golden ichor that created a viscous kind of shimmering fluid that washed over Tubbo's feet, contrasting rather ironically the sick churning in the pit of his stomach and the bile in the back of his throat. "He didn't expect Dream to make such a big deal of the discs. Why would he? So he hid them as the discs as a way to not lose them."
Tubbo felt the sickness rising up the back of his throat. Tommy was dying. Actually, permanently. Tommy was dying, and it was Tubbo's fault. Tubbo killed Tommy.
"Isn't there anything we can do?" Someone cried, but Tubbo wasn't exactly sure who. It could have been Niki or it could have been Sapnap for all he knew. His head was spinning so badly and he felt sick to his stomach. The only thing he was left clinging onto was the question itself. The moment it was in the open air he turned to Fundy, eyes glistening with a wet sheen.
Fundy, however, silently shook his head. "The most any of us could so is try to find him and hope that he wants to see us."
A bitter silence descended across everyone who was gathered as the full gravity of the situation settled like a heavy cloak. Tubbo pulled inwards, head absolutely spinning as he tried to reconcile the truth of the situation with the fact he was technically the one to caused it.
"Are you sure there isn't anything?" Techno asked, staring down Fundy with a steeling gaze. Fundy bared his teeth, tail lashing viciously in response.
"Why do you care now? You never cared!" Fundy snapped.
Techno drew himself up to his full height. Eyes glinting dangerous. "Of course I cared. I always cared. Maybe we didn't always get along, and considering certain circumstances maybe I can finally understand that we weren't always on the same page. But, you can never say that I didn't care."
Fundy's posture relaxed slightly, but his eyes continued to bore into Techno. "Maybe you cared, but you still dangled the fact that you did like some kind of carrot on a string. Sure you cared, and sure you have a right to grieve. What you don't have is a right to get upset at me or anyone where. Go home, Techno. You can come back to L'manberg for the funeral. His grave is going to be next to Wilbur's. This is inarguable." Fundy's tone left no room for disagreement.
The only real indication of how Techno was feeling was the way his ears drooped slightly and his eyes trailed downwards. "I cared," he whispered to the empty air. "Did he at least know that?" Techno asked no one in particular. Fundy's ears flatted against his head slightly.
"Techno. There is no universal language. Not even violence is a universal language because of how it can victimize others and be misconstrued. You and Tommy? You never had a common language, never learned how to speak one. So, if you're wanting an honest answer, probably not. No. I doubt he ever realize. The same way you probably don't know how much he cared," Fundy said. Techno's jaw worked a couple of times at that, tightening and loosening as though he wanted to say something before it and his posture went slightly slack with a half nod and a heavy sigh.
Tubbo watched as Techno picked up on of the cracked fragments of the golden ball and tucked it into his armor with an expression that Tubbo couldn't read.
"Well, I suppose we should go look for him. See if he wants any of us around during his final moments," Dream said. His tone was so deceptively casual with just enough mourning in his tone to give the impression of real sympathy. Tubbo wasn't going to take that at face value. Not after what Fundy and Ranboo said. If even a fraction of the implications were true, Tubbo didn't care if he died too, there was no way he was letting Dream anywhere near Tommy on the off chance he'd make it past the illusions.
"We?" Techno asked, the grip on his sword tightening. "Dream, I dunno if you've realized, but this isn't really a we situation," Techno said. Whatever slack had entered his posture was immediately gone as he turned to Dream with a relaxed anger.
Dream tilted his head to the side. "Oh? But, Techno, you still owe me a favor. Are you really going to waste it on just keeping me away from Tommy?" Tubbo bristled at the relaxed tone of voice. He could feel everyone present do the same. If there was any weight to the accusations thrown at Dream, if he really was Tommy's abuser, then it sure as hell wasn't going to sit right with any of them letting Dream have the chance to get near Tommy.
Techno though? Techno just laughed. A deep rumbling noise like tnt and thunder. "Fuck your favor. Everyone else, leave! Dream, draw your weapon." His words resonated through the crumbled remains of the community center as the people who'd originally been watching scattered immediately. No one was particularly keen to stay within the damage radius of the two, and half of the server was already bolting in different directions, shouting Tommy's name.
"If he's willing to see any of us, those of us he's willing to tolerate should at least be there for him. Right?" Ranboo said to those who were a bit more hesitant as the rest of the server slowly started to fan out.
"We'll also need to collect the body," Quackity muttered grimly, reminding those who were still hesitating that there was more than one purpose to the search. There were a couple of nods as everyone went different directions. Tubbo, however, ended up completely on autopilot as he half followed Fundy and Ranboo. It wasn't actually that he was following them, more so they were going the same direction. Eventually, he split off from the two as they walked past the first place Tubbo thought to check.
The bench.
He turned, eyes glazing over as he saw something draped across the bench. From his position, he could only see eight fluffy tails in a pristine white color. Thinking about it, those were the only things about Tommy that looked relatively 'nice'. Ever since exile, even when he started living with Techno, Tommy looked like a mess. Too thin with clothes that were noticeably patched up. Hair a filthy shade and eyes that were just too dull.
Those tails though? In the light of the setting sun Tubbo could see how luminous they were. The white of the fur carried the same brilliant sheen as Tommy's eyes once had. "Tommy?"
A cough was the only reply Tubbo got, a couple of the tails twitching while most remained ominously still. Slowly, Tubbo made his way around the bench. Tommy's eyes immediately met him, a thin tail of blood leaking from the other boy's mouth as he laid across the bench. He tried to push himself up into a sitting position the moment she saw Tubbo, but there wasn't even a chance of him having the strength. Instead Tubbo sat next to the bench, not saying a word.
"Hey big T," Tommy said, voice both too gentle and too casual for the nature of the conversation, his eyes unnatural with their softness but also their lack of life. Tubbo nearly burst into tears, the fact that this was his fault going on loop inside his head. The longer he stared at Tommy the worse the pit in the bottom of his stomach got.
"How long?" Tubbo asked, his voice a half broken whisper. The two fluffy white ears on top of Tommy's head twitched. He seemed to be thinking of the question.
"Long enough to have a conversation. You sure took your sweet time, but from what I've... heard, this kind of thing is a process. A slow one," Tommy said. He coughed again as a little more blood bubbled up from his lungs.
Tubbo flinched, face going pale. "Is it a painful one?"
Tommy instead just laughed, a small flicker of life in his voice. "Nah, big man. It only hurts in the early bits. Eventually you're supposed to go numb."
The eventually didn't really answer the question of whether Tommy was presently in pain or not, but Tubbo didn't know if he had the guts to actually ask that so he just nodded silently, movements jerky as his hands started to shake. Tommy's ears flicked once more and with all the strength he had left his moved his hand out from under him and towards Tubbo. Tubbo didn't even hesitate to put Tommy's offered hand in a vice grip between his own, pressing his forehead against Tommy's palm.
"I'm sorry," Tubbo whispered.
"Was my fault. It always is," Tommy's tails pulled a little closer as he shivered. While it was getting colder with the night, Tommy himself was dressed in the heavy furs that let him live with Techno so he shouldn't have been cold. Yet Tubbo could feel the way Tommy's hand shivered in his own. "It's fine. I'm a big man. Ain't scared or nothing. I was never gonna become a nine tail. This was just an inevitability, you know? If it wasn't you it would have been Dream." Even in a moment like this, it was amazing how easily Tommy was able to lie.
It made a bit more sense with him being a kitsune.
Tubbo heard shouting as a pair of people passed by the bench, noticing neither member of the duo. Niki was walking with Fundy, her eyes noticeably red as Fundy shook his head. His ears perked and he turned towards the bench. He started at it for a long time before his eyes turned sad and he kept walking. There was a hint of understanding in his gaze, but Tubbo didn't know why.
"Is anyone else going to..." Tubbo trailed off but Tommy shook his head.
"Just you and me pal. The way it should be." Tommy's grip tightened as much as it could considered his slowly waning strength and Tubbo nodded. "What happened? After I left, I mean."
"Fundy and Ranboo explained everything. Shouted at Techno a little. Shouted at Dream a lot. Techno and Dream then got into a fight before the rest of us went to go find you. They're probably still fighting if Techno hasn't won already. He seemed really upset. By the way, why did Ranboo know?" Tubbo asked, trying to keep the small trace of hurt from leaking into his voice.
"Enderdragon hybrid. Couldn't keep it hidden from him. If I was allowed to tell anyone, it would have been you. There are rules that go with this kind of thing though, and I wasn't allowed to. We hadn't known each other long enough," Tommy drew himself closer to Tubbo, almost to the point of falling off the bench. Tubbo carefully unwound their hands and lifted Tommy up slightly so that he could sit down, allowing Tommy to rest against his lap.
"I though we'd known each other since childhood," Tubbo scoffed.
"That's the stupid part. We have. A bit unfair, innit? I thought about breaking the rules, but, breaking that specific rule would have hurt me a lot less than it would have hurt you. Wasn't something I wanted to do, so I let it be. The only reason Fundy probably won't get in trouble is because..." Tommy gestured to himself slightly, another cough bubbling blood up and past his lips.
He cringed, trying not to drip on Tubbo, but Tubbo couldn't care less. He deserved to be stained with Tommy's blood for the rest of eternity, this was his fault.
He ran his fingers through Tommy's hair, trying to coax some semblance of calm out of the other boy. He gently scrapped his nails against Tommy's scalp and ran the pads of his fingers against Tommy's ear as Tommy's face suddenly scrunched up with pain and he curled up on himself, wrapping his arms tightly around himself and burying his head in Tubbo's lap and hands. A couple stray tears soaked into Tommy's hair as Tubbo tried in vain to keep himself from bawling.
It's his fault. He shouldn't be the one grieving. "I'm sorry," he whispered again.
Tommy though? Tommy just scoffed. "There isn't anything for you to be sorry about."
Tubbo didn't believe that.
His grip on Tommy's hair tightened as a sharper and more violent cough ripped through Tommy. He rolled over so he could stare up at Tubbo who immediately noticed that his eyes were even glassier and more glazed over than before. His breathing haggard as he relaxed into Tubbo's lap. Tubbo made a sharp squeaking noise as his fingers shook violently, still running through Tommy's hair because if there was anything he owed Tommy it was at least soothing him in these last couple of moments. "What am I, Tommy? What am I without you?" Tubbo asked.
He'd spent so much time as Tommy's sidekick that it was normal for him. To be without Tommy had been an abnormality akin to losing a limb. During Tommy's exile he kept glancing at his side expecting to find Tommy at his hip only to discover empty space. He suffocated that pain under his role as president, assuming that Tommy's exile would end and they'd go back to being friends.
Tubbo had always assumed that Tommy would return to him. Even when he thought Tommy committed suicide during exile, he hadn't fully believed it considering they never even found a body. Even when they were arguing in the Community House's corpse he'd held onto the vain hope that he and Tommy belonged together. Always had an always would. One day they'd find their way back to each other.
This though? This felt real. Real and permanent. Tubbo was loosing him. His other half, a piece of his very soul, was currently curled up in his lap shattered and breaking into fragments. Tommy himself felt like glass under Tubbo's palms. Fragile and easily broken, like a crystal that was already shattered and just waiting for that last bit of pressure to turn the shatter into shards.
"Yourself?" Tommy answered without a hint of hesitation, a smile on his face as he looked up at Tubbo from his position in the other's lap. Droplets fell onto Tommy's cheek as Tubbo's vision blurred.
"Hey Tubbo? I'm sorry," Tommy said.
Tubbo's jaw nearly fell off. "Why? Out of all the people who should be sorry right now, why are you sorry?"
Tommy's eyes closed for a long moment before they finally pushed open like he was struggling to stay away. "Because I'll admit, I did fuck up. Quite a fair bit. The discs were important to me, but I never explained why. I gambled them for L'manberg because I thought I was okay being apart from them. But it hurt. It hurt so, so badly that it felt like I was on fire and my mind was turning to slush. I'm sorry for lashing out at George. I'm sorry for all the times I've caused problem just for the sake of entertainment. I'm sorry for making you sad." Tommy gently lifted his arm, flicking the tears from Tubbo's eyes
"You don't need to be sorry," Tubbo whispered, leaning forward to make it easier on Tommy.
"Hey Tubbo? I want you to know that I forgive you," Tommy said and it felt like so many parts of Tubbo shattered in an instant. His breath hitched and he hiccupped. "Do you forgive me too?" Tommy asked, some faint wisp of hope caught in his glassed over eyes. He felt so cold.
Tubbo's voice was caught in the back of his throat. He couldn't speak. He could only stare down at Tommy while the latter's serious expression broke into a dysfunctional smile stained crimson. "It's okay if you don't, I just wanted to see," he whispered.
Tommy took a deep breath, closing his eyes, and he began to hum Cat.
Tubbo's breath kept hitching as he tried to get it under control. He wanted to speak. He has to speak. So badly. The words were screaming in the back of his throat, rioting to be released, but his throat has closed up on him and his jaw was locked tight. Tears were falling and he was shaking as Tommy's voice gently matched the melody of Cat. Tubbo couldn't stop crying. Couldn't get his voice to work. He needed to say something. Three little words. He needed to say them so badly. They needed to get out before they broke him from the inside. He need to let them out, just three little words before Tommy was go-
Cat slowly grew quieter and quieter till the regular song hit an abrupt stop. Tommy's chest stopped moving. The faint beat of his heart was no where to be found.
Tubbo screamed.
Tubbo threw back his head and howled with all his might, a violent and mournful scream. "I forgive you!" He bellowed. "I forgive you, I forgive you, I forgive you! This wasn't your fault, wasn't our fault! I forgive you!" He screeched out into the darkened night like his voice could catch whatever was left of Tommy as it was leaving. Like maybe the fleeing spirit would hear it and be at peace.
As though it would help him forget the haunting sensation of not being able to say it to Tommy before he left.
Tubbo swayed as he stood up, carefully removing Tommy from his lap and laying the other boy's hands on his chest. He looked peaceful like that. If it wasn't for the blood staining the corners of his mouth, Tubbo would assume he was just asleep.
Tubbo reached into his inventory, pulling out something he hadn't used in a long time. He popped the pufferfish into his mouth letting the poison and loopy feeling overtake him. It would just make the next bit easier. Standing in front of their bench, he turned the direction of where the sun had set. He walked forward a bit, eyes narrowing at the large amount of space between him and the ground.
Tubbo took off all his armor.
Tubbo jumped in a vain attempt to fly to wherever Tommy had gone.