Chapter Text
CHAPTER 15
You woke up in the early morning between Zhongli and Diluc, a mess of limbs and long hair. You remembered the night you had with them just a few hours earlier and you blushed, becoming warm all over. Closing your eyes, you let the memories consume you. Their hands, their lips, their bodies against yours, made you sigh in ecstasy. The gentle symphony of their breathing made you feel at peace for a moment. You looked to your left at Zhongli, his hair covered half his face and his eyes were closed, though he looked like he was in deep thought. His hand was curled around yours and you felt like it belonged there. Diluc was to your right, holding you tightly, his mouth formed a little o shape and his face looked worry free again. The outline of your body against his felt like you two were made for each other.
But reality came rushing back to you. You didn't want to choose one. You wanted both, you NEEDED both. But you knew that would hurt them and sharing you wasn’t an option. Everytime you would be in one of their arms, the other would be in pain. Both men didn’t like to share and you knew that. You also couldn’t bring yourself to be that selfish. You felt sick and a lump in your throat formed, preventing you from breathing properly. Carefully, you crawled to the bottom of the bed, trying not to wake them and wrapped a robe around you. After instinctively grabbing your vision, you went downstairs, suddenly feeling claustrophobic. You saw the front doors and the closer you got to them, the faster you picked up your pace. You ran out of the doors and took the deepest breath you could. It was cold and you could see your breath in the air.
“I can’t do this...I can’t…” you said as you dropped down to the floor, curing to a ball. You wrapped your arms around your legs, staring at your feet on the floor as tears fell on them. You shut your eyes tightly, stopping the tears for a brief moment. You were tired of crying, tired of the pain you felt, and tired of hurting people you love. A sob broke through you, echoing against the manor’s walls and you ran, hoping no one heard you. You ran into the many rows of grape vines, finding a secluded spot far away from the entrance. You sat down, not caring about the dirt and let yourself cry it out.
Zhongli.
Diluc.
Zhongli.
Diluc.
Their names spun around in your mind like a tornado, causing the storm inside you to grow.
“Hey there.” a voice came from a little ways away, pulling you out of your misery.
You looked up, surprisingly unalarmed, to see Venti, waving to you with a small smile.
“Are you alright?” he said in a small voice.
You shook your head and curled back into a ball, burying your face in your lap.
You heard him sit beside you but he didn’t say anything.
“What are you doing here?” you mumble, not showing your face.
“Mor- I mean Zhongli asked me to meet him at sunrise. It’s almost that time. I just wanted to check out the grapes from the winery...and maybe buy a bottle.” he said chuckling.
His cheerful attitude made you roll your eyes. You reminded yourself that this was Mondstadt’s Archon talking to you like an old friend. You knew you should feel excited and blessed but you were too deep in your feelings right now.
“...Are you upset because of them?” he pressed and you sighed, nodding your head.
“Don’t think about it. Just listen to your heart.”
“It’s not that simple. My heart wants...NEEDS both.” you said, a little irritatingly.
“I know you think you love them both. While that may be true, I argue that you love one more.” he said, scooting closer to you.
You took a deep breath and finally looked up at him. His vibrant aqua green eyes bore into you and you knew he was right.
“I’m afraid.” you whispered, shivering. Afraid of the pain you’re going to cause one of them immensely. Some of the grape vines around you started to grow and crawl towards you, as if they could feel your emotions. You opened a palm and one wrapped around your hand.
Venti watched with you, a little in awe. A small green grape slowly started to grow before your eyes, eventually turning into a plump purple one. You picked it and handed it to him. He smiled and just looked at it for a brief moment.
“That’s a natural reaction. Fear of the unknown. But as I’ve just witnessed, you already know deep inside.” he said softly and pressed the grape into your hand. You looked at it, a little puzzled. He chuckled at your expression.
“Take some time to yourself. You should enjoy the Windblume Festival alone. You’ll find more answers there as well.” he said, getting up and smiling. His eyes closed when he smiled and it was adorable.
Something about that smile made you feel a little more at ease and he reached out a hand to help you up. You wiped your tears away and smiled back at him.
“Thank you.” you said, grateful for his advice.
“It’s my job to set people free. I hope to see you at the festival.” he said.
Thankfully, the men were still sound asleep when you entered the room. You quickly got dressed in a simple light blue dress. It didn’t compliment your skin tone too well for it wasn’t a warm color, but you had a feeling it would be a perfect fit for the festival.
“I’ll be at the Windblume Festival. I need time to think.”
You wrote a simple and straightforward note and placed it in between them. You grabbed your small over the shoulder bag with your mora and headed out.
The sun was just peeking over the Dragonspine when you started walking. Instead of teleporting, you took your time and enjoyed a long walk to the city. You played with your powers, making flowers grow here and there with the wave of your hand. Trees doubled in size when you touched them and sparse bushes fluffed up and grew small azaleas. By the time you arrived, it was late morning. You gasped as you walked through the gates. The city was decorated with many flowers. Wreaths made from Cecilias hung on every lamp post, Windwheel Asters were placed into potted bushes, and many garlands filled with white and blue roses hung from rooftop to rooftop. It wasn’t as extravagant as the Lantern Rite in Liyue but it was still just as captivating. The air was filled with a mixture of floral scents that swirled around you along with dainty dandelion seeds floating in the air.
Many people were already taking part in the activities. A couple of them were in the main plaza by the fountain. You could learn to play the lyre, an archery game you could win a souvenir balloon, and another activity that included flying out to another area and using gliding wings. You made your way to the lyre one first. A couple were the only other ones participating with you. They were standing close to each other and cheering the other one on. You sighed a little jealous at them and wishing Diluc or Zhongli was with you. The soft music reminded you when Zhongli would hum you to sleep. He’d hum somber old, ancient songs, ones you never heard of. They were beautiful and the deepness, yet gracefulness of his voice sounded like he was playing an instrument. You remembered coming home with your hand in his, entering your small apartment. You two would cook dinner together, you handled the food, and he handled the tea, usually making a fresh batch with the flowers you picked during the day. Sometimes you’d sit in the tiny table made for two and talk about your day. But your favorite moments were when you sat out on your small balcony and watched the sun set on the harbor, drinking tea as you rested your head on his shoulder. He’d hum a tune there too, making you feel at ease. The memory made you miss the warmth of Liyue, the golden sun setting and his golden eyes looking into yours.
You followed the instructor, copying her as she strummed the instrument. The careful, deliberate way her fingers moved forced a memory out of you…
“Lean back for me.” Zhongli said huskily. The sun was setting, your favorite time of day since it brought out his eyes. The curtains were wide open and you could see the sun slipping underneath the harbor’s waters. Zhongli was sitting on your bed, your head was in his lap. You closed your eyes and felt his fingers brush through your hair. He moved both of his hands to your shoulders and ran them up your neck to your scalp, then back to your shoulders, as if making a clay sculpture. You had a long day gathering flowers and he sought out to take the tension away.
“I could gaze at your face for all of eternity and never tire of it. You are extraordinarily beautiful. And that word cannot even describe you properly.” he murmured, looking down at you in bliss. You opened your eyes to see warm sun rays on his face, illuminating every achingly gorgeous feature of his.
“Are you a dream?” you said, in a slight daze.
“I can be anything you want me to be. I can be yours forever if you truly wanted…” he said softly as he bent to kiss you, a sweet honey filled kiss.
You hastily put the lyre back onto the table, still being careful with it and rushed away. The memory stabbed at you and you wanted to forget about it. You wiped away a tear angrily, almost slapping yourself in the process.
“Come try out archery!” a knight called out to passerbyers. You stepped up, trying to distract yourself. “It’s just this way!” he said and you followed him to the Knights of Favonious’s headquarters. Behind it was a small circular practice area with floating balloons. You were the only one there and you were handed a wooden bow and dull arrows.
“Just hit as many balloons as you can! The one with flowers on it earns extra points!” the instructor said. You stared at the bow and arrow in your hand, not knowing what to do. You felt your vision pulse but knew if you used it, it would be cheating.
“Would you like some help?” the knight asked. You nodded and he stepped behind you, showing you how to properly hold the bow and pull with the arrow against the string. He flirted with you a little but you were too focused on the task in hand. He brought his face beside yours and whispered, “You can do it.” and a memory from a couple weeks ago overcame you…
You and Diluc were at Windrise, in the clearing. It was early morning and he asked you if you wanted to watch as he practiced his swordsmanship. You of course said yes, not turning down the chance to see his rippling muscles swing his giant claymore with ease. The drips of sweat on his face glistened in the morning sunlight, making him look godly. You sat near Barabatos’s Statue of the Seven on the stone steps. He was about 300 feet away, not wanting you to get burned or hurt in any way. He could control fire with his sword but not how the fire spread. He tore and burned through slimes like they were nothing and the way his crimson hair flowed with his fire made you sigh. Suddenly, he beckoned you over. You looked behind you, then pointed to yourself. He nodded, chuckling at your joke. You quickly made your way over to him.
“Let me show you how to hold a sword properly.” he said and opened his arms. You stood inside them and he positioned himself behind you, wrapping his arms around you and bringing the sword in front. His coat was discarded near your items at the statue and his long sleeves were pushed up, showing his tense muscles.
“Grab the sword like this.” he showed and you put your hands on the hilt like how he did. It was extremely heavy and if he wasn’t holding you a little, you would have toppled over it. You struggled to hold it still and didn’t know how Beidou could easily swing something like this with one hand.
“You can do it.” He encouraged you, whispering in your ear. And when he let his hands go from the sword, you gasped as you held it upright. He laughed happily and kissed your cheek, distracting you and the sword came down hard on the soil.
“I’m sorry,” you said, wincing. He smiled at you and took it from you with just one hand, standing back and flipping it in a circle before slamming it straight into the ground.
“Don’t be.” he said, winking at you. You sucked in a small breath as the morning sun hit his eyes perfectly. Those beautiful ruby eyes gleamed at you and he took you into his arms. He kissed you, a kiss filled with all the emotions he’s felt for you. A kiss that was so powerful, you felt like all of time stopped at the moment and it was only the two of you in the world. Mornings were often cold near Mondstadt due to the Northern location and natural winds. But being in his arms, you realized that Diluc held all the warmth of Liyue and the sun inside him.
The arrow shot out of your grasp and popped an orange balloon with a flower on it, the sound echoed off of the walls, bringing you back to the present.
Your eyes widened and you knew the answer. Your heart filled with euphoria.
The instructor stepped back from you and clapped his hands.
“There you go! A natural!” After the round, you finished the game and tied the souvenir balloon to your bag. You wandered the vendors, looking at cute flower plushies, flower pins, flower jewelry, and flower everything. You ended up buying a pair of aquamarine earrings that were shaped like dandelions to match your dress. You put it on and spotted a matching silver ring and also bought that. Shopping was always good therapy for you.
As you headed back to the plaza to see what there was to eat, Margaret from Cat’s Tail Tavern was standing by the fountain.
“Hey! Care to try our new exclusive wine? We made it just for the festival!” she said excitedly and you couldn’t help but smile. She gave you a bottle and a glass and a picture of a Windwheel Aster and Sweet flowers were painted on the bottle. You popped it open and the delicate scents of both flowers drifted towards you. It tasted wonderful, a little like jasmine tea due to its floral essences. The live band was setting up behind the fountain, attracting more people to Good Hunter and Cat’s Tail for dinner and drinks. You kept to yourself, not really looking at anyone except your reflection in the wine. The sun was getting low and a chill started in the air. You downed the glass and poured yourself another, hoping it would give you the confidence to tell the man you weren’t staying with goodbye.
“Are you enjoying yourself?” Zhongli’s low voice startled you and you turned around to see him standing a little aways from you. You had a feeling he was watching you for some time. You nodded but couldn't bring yourself to look him in the eye. He started towards you and your eyes fixed onto the glass in front of you. He sat on the opposite side of the table from you, his gaze also looking away at the band. You two sat in silence for a while.
“I’m staying here. In Mondstadt…with Diluc.” you suddenly blurted out, your heart thumping in your chest. He didn’t look at you for a long moment, but when he turned, his eyes were watery and dark. He blinked a few times, staring at you, as if your words didn’t register. You bit your lip, forcing yourself to look at him but you started to shake. He opened his mouth to say something but closed it. You held your breath, ready for the outburst. But he just sat up straight and nodded, giving you a tight smile. You rapidly blinked tears away. You hated the silence he was so good at giving. You wished he’d lash out at you or talk or do anything.
As the band set up, a man started playing a piano and another started singing. Zhongli stood up and held a hand out to you. Other couples took to the middle of the plaza and started slow dancing.
“May I have a dance?” he asked softly. You looked up at him and he smiled sadly. “I want to dance with you one last time, and properly.” you hesitated but his amber eyes melted into you and you gave in, placing your hand in his. He pulled you in his arms and you wrapped yours around his neck, your head resting on his chest.
“You're in my arms and all the world is calm. The music playing on for only two…” the man sang slowly in a soft voice in time with the piano.
“I love you...I forgot to tell you when you left.” he whispered. You closed your eyes, trying desperately not to let the pain back in.
“I don’t think you forgot. I don’t think you loved me until after I left. But I love you. I loved you from the start.” you whispered back.
“That’s not true.” he said, agony in his voice. “I loved you too much and I had to let you go before things got worse...Can we please just…” he sighed, frustrated that he didn’t know how to put his thoughts into words when you were around. He swayed with you and he held you tighter against him.
“So close together.”
“It has been such a long journey since I ascended as an Archon. Six thousand years I’ve only known war, pain, and death. That is why working at the parlor came so easily to me. But the moment you stepped in, I felt like the sun finally touched me after all of these dark years.”
“And when I'm with you, so close to feeling alive.”
“You made me forget my past when you were with me. Being immortal, my memories are always clear and haunt me every time I close my eyes. But just a smile from you made me forget all of the blood I have spilled. A touch from you made me forget all of the friends I have lost. I wanted you because you made me feel alive and not just a vessel.”
“All that I wanted, to hold you so close.” The band joined in and the music started picking up in time with your heart. He held your hand up and moved his to your waist, matching his movements with the tempo. You two slowly spun around the fountain.
“But I quickly remembered that...you are not immortal. You are not going to live and be with me forever. That thought alone sent me to a dark place, a place I did not want you to see. I spent less time with you so I could fight it in me. Fight the need to latch onto you. It became harder and harder and the painful looks you gave me hurt the most. I knew I was causing you much pain. But I thought...well you know the rest of my reasoning.”
“Oh how could I face the faceless days, if I should lose you now?”
Your eyes were closed as you listened but that didn't stop tears falling down.
“I just wanted to cherish the time I had with you.”
“We're so close to reaching, that famous happy end.”
“I desperately searched for anything that could help you live longer when I disappeared for days on end.”
“Almost believing, this one's not pretend.”
“But even Venti said it was impossible. The only way would be if you were chosen to ascend to Celestia...I could not live with myself after he said that, knowing we could never really be together without the both of us always hurting.”
“Let's go on dreaming, so we know we are…”
“Please...I don’t want to hear anymore. I can’t take it.” you sobbed. You never felt pain like this before.
“So close…”
“Maybe in another lifetime then…in another lifetime...will you be mine forever?” he said, cupping your chin and forcing you to look at his tear stained face. He dipped you low and moved in closer to you “Say that you love me.” he whispered.
“I love you.” you said breathlessly, forcing yourself to look one last time into his golden amber eyes. You felt your heart breaking all over again.
“I love you, Yn. And I will love you for all of eternity.” he said as his voice broke and he brushed his lips against yours.
“...and still so far.”