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Kate is lost. Home and every sense of it is miles behind her, collecting dust as she drives as fast as she can across the country. She knew she needed to somewhere else, but it’s not easy listening to reason, even if it’s coming from herself. After everything she’s been through, she needed to be reckless, to run away. When you've been fighting an invisible battle with a demon queen and thrust a stake into your father's chest, what do you do? Go to a therapist and confess everything? Nobody would believe her. Drink until she didn't know her own name? She had tried that and failed; the memories, the fear, always returned in the dead of the night when her mind was weak. Amaru had been slain three weeks ago and not once had Kate been able to sleep without horrific nightmares waking her up hour after hour. Sometimes it helped to sleep while the sun was high in the sky, but then a different kind of dream would creep in and she didn't know how to handle it at all.
For the first eighteen years of her life, religion had been the front-runner. She had attended church multiple times a week, been on a Christian committee in school. She had devoted herself to her family, her studies, to God. And then her mom died, her dad became a slave to alcohol and soon enough they were being escorted into the Titty Twister by the Gecko brothers. Everything changed. Still, even now, months after that day of carnage, Kate can’t quite shake off the rules that had been drilled into her for so many years. Don't drink, don't do drugs, don't date. Or, if you really have to, kiss boys behind the pews when nobody is looking, but only boys. Her parents hadn't been the kind to spread hate, but she knew that the self she hid away deep in her chest would not be welcomed easily. She had hidden, had taken to using Kyle as a cover even though the feel of his lips against hers made her cringe. She had wanted him to save her in a way that she now knows is impossible. He was supposed to be her prince charming, her knight in shining armour on his way to rescue her. Now, even though she needs saving more than ever, she is searching for a queen, not a prince.
By the time Kate realised how big a mistake she was making, she had already reached the sea. She had watched as mountains dusted with snow had sprung up, the roads getting slippery, the nights freezing cold, and kept driving. She craved the cold and had traded in the dusty roads and blistering heat of Texas and Mexico for it, but it wasn't enough. Trying to numb everything wasn't enough. She needed saving, needed help saving herself, and only one person could do that.
There had been a time when Kate thought she could change. One night in Mexico, when Seth was out and she had the bed to herself, the two of them always taking turns to sleep, and she had imagined him coming back early. She had tried to picture how he would creep over to her, whisper her name, touch her arm with his rough hands. She would say his name in response, welcome him under the sheets and... It made her feel sick. She loved Seth, but it was the love of a friend, a brother. He could never be more than that to her and she preferred it that way.
And then there had been Richie. She knew he could never have been hers, yet she had tried to seduce him. Part of it had been from desperation - they had needed the keys to the RV, had needed to leave because something about the Twister didn't feel right. So she kissed him, played the innocent pastor's daughter he thought her to be. For a moment she had let herself believe it, had let him kiss her a second time. But it had been more than a relief to have Seth walk in and burst their bubble. Her insides had felt flat and lifeless, like they had always felt. At least, that’s how things were until she had seen the Snake Queen.
Kate wanted to forget everything. Even as she turned back around, leaving the snowy mountains behind her to drive back the way she came, she tried to push her memories away. She tried to remember only the good things and have them overtake the bad, but the good were so few in number that it felt impossible. She couldn't think back to her dad without remembering how she had killed him. She couldn't think about Scott without thinking about what he had become. Even Seth and Richie, though they had made her laugh and she had once imagined a future at their sides, brought her pain. If it hadn't been for them, Kate would still be with her family. She would still be innocent. In reality, after days of relentless searching, there was only one person who remained a shining, pain-free light.
The moment she had laid her eyes on Santanico Pandemonium, Kate's mind had gone blank. She watched her strut down the stage slowly, a snake resting on her shoulders, looking radiant. For a few moments, everything else went out of focus and Kate had breathed in deep, feeling something spark in her chest. Then a desire, burning and curious, had built inside of her. She had been scared, couldn’t place the sensations at first. Everything she had grown up feeling and hearing threatened to push her down once it clicked. Yet the new feelings surging within her felt so good, so bright and positive, that she knew she couldn't hold them in any longer. How could something that felt so good and true be bad? A bold, confident streak almost had her walking over to the stage. But then Santanico had kissed Richie and Kate doubted herself. Who was she, barely a woman and completely inexperienced in every way, only there as a hostage, thinking about laying claim to such a goddess? It had almost been a relief when the chaos struck and she could forget everything other than how to survive the night.
Yet now her current nights, in the rare moments she could dream without horrors creeping in, were filled with the memories of wings, blood-red lips, nails as sharp as knives and thoughts of how those nails, those lips, would feel against Kate’s skin. She had lost count of how many times she had woken up gasping, her heart racing, body hot. It was during those fleeting times that Kate discovered an ache that was different from the painful aches of remembering the bad. It was an ache that built from pleasure, from a love that simmered and promise a raging fire.
Before she left, after Amaru was gone and countless lives had been lost, Santanico had asked to stay. Stay with her, live with her, be with her. They had spoken so little, most of their words tainted by the presence of Amaru, yet there was an undeniable connection between them. Kate could see it in Santanico’s eyes and she knew that the woman could see it in her own, a reflection of shared yearning and curiosity for one another. But Kate had felt the shadows gathering in her mind, in the space that Amaru had taken up, and she had fled. Inside the pocket of her dusty jeans was a piece of paper with a location written on it. If you change your mind, Santanico had told her before they parted, find me here .
This time, without an RV ridden with criminals, it feels too easy crossing the border into Mexico. She flashes her ID, smiles a few times and then she is gone. No tense waiting lines, no staff eager to check out the back of her car or the boot. She stops at a roadside cafe to ask for directions, finds out that the place Santanico had written down was less than ten kilometres away. Her heart starts to beat hard and for a second she thinks that the few weeks that have passed since she left might have changed everything. Yet even though she might not be welcome, where else is she to go? Running away didn’t work and her house back in Texas was no longer her home. Kate gathered her courage and drove on.
The address leads her to a huge warehouse in a gated compound. It had clearly been abandoned not too long ago; the fences were broken in some places and the warehouse’s windows were too dusty to see through. She drove as close as she could get before two men flagged her down. She could tell they were guards and that their lack of weapons did not mean they were unarmed. It was the reminder she needed to remember that she was heading into a culebra nest.
‘Lost?’ one man asks, accent thick. The other man pulls up his rear and smirks. Both of them hovering by her car makes her feel small and she is thankful for the metal door between them, even if they could easily reach through the open window and grab her.
‘I’m here to see Santanico,’ she tells them, channelling some strength into her voice that she hopes makes her sound confident. 'She's expecting me.'
Surprisingly, they nod and back away, motioning for someone to pull open the gates. She continues forward, albeit hesitantly, and parks in a space to the left that had other vehicles scattered about. When she opens her door and gets out, she sees her reflection on the glossy surface of the car she has parked next to. Her hair is greasy and dishevelled, the red tint of it so bright in the sunlight that it's unmissable. Kate hates it and wishes she had paid attention earlier so she cut have dyed it back to brown, maybe even black. When she sees her hair, she sees Amaru. She hopes that Santanico sees only her.
Her feet are hot in her boots as she treads dust and covers the metres leading to the open warehouse entrance. In the corner of her eye, she spots the men from earlier watching her. Kate holds her head high as she enters. Compared to the outside where the sun is high in the sky, the inside of the warehouse appears to be pitch black. In the moments it takes her eyes to adjust, she hears whispers and then, when she starts to make out faces, the sound of heels against the stone floor. When she finally sees clearly, she's too startled to say anything. She stands there, mouth agape, as the woman she has been waiting to see walks towards her.
'Kate?' Santanico says, coming closer, sounding unsure. Then, when she gets closer and makes out Kate's tired face against the sunny backdrop, she smiles wide. The sight of her makes Kate's heart flutter. 'You came!'
She doesn't mean to, but Kate starts crying. The tears are hot and heavy on her cheeks and between one breath and another she is sobbing. Thin arms pull her close and soon her tears are falling onto silky hair.
'I'm so glad you came.'
Kate keeps crying in loud bursts, but she hears the quiet command of Santanico telling people to leave. Soon, it is just the two of them.
'I knew you would come, Kate,' Santanico whispers against the crown of Kate's head. It is like a switch is flipped and Kate's senses are brought back to her. She steps back and wipes her tears, looks up because the woman in front of her is tall, taller than Kate even though that's not a great feat.
'I was scared,' she tells her. 'I'm still scared.'
Santanico frowns. 'Are you scared of me?'
Kate thinks about it, but there is no decision to make because she is so sure of her answer that she couldn't think otherwise. She shakes her head.
'She was scared of you,' she begins, doesn't need to say Amaru for Santanico to understand. 'But I'm not. I could never be. Santanico, I...'
Kate tries to continue, but her throat feels too dry, her eyes too damp, her chest tight, her stomach fluttery. Santanico comes forward again and this time Kate hugs her back. She hears Santanico's heart beating hard, like her own.
'Call me Kisa,' she hears. 'And welcome home, Kate.'