Chapter Text
a literal murderer
eve
eve
eve
evelyn
evelyn? fuck you
do i look like an evelyn
mm. no. ok no sorry my bad
evangeline?
everret
i hate you so much
like im in physical pain because i continue to talk to you
thats really sweet lol sahdfjkfhk
????
im literally trying to tell you that our conversations give me hives
like every time i open my phone and i see a notification from you
i enter a premature coma. my eyes roll back into my head .
you are so good with words
i feel like i, too, am entering a coma. just by reading your texts. so visceral
anyway would you like to eat a sandwhich together outside
im busy
no you're not
yes i am. i am Employed. with a job. are you familiar with the term
"job" ... no. does not ring a Bell. how about you explain to me this "Job" thing over sandwiches
i picked up your favorite one. the one with the ham
...
and chipotle aioli?
of course eve. i am not stupid. i have the memory of a squid
(squids have very good memory. i learned this recently!!!!)
thanks for the fun fact
you're very welcome
would you like to hear another
no
when octopuses have sex it gives them dementia
imagine if sex gave us dementia eve
i wish it did
so you could relive our first time again...? ;)
no
so where can i pick up this sandwich?
i'm delivering it to you
oh yeah? dont expect a tip
so you wont make out with me in exchange for ham?
we're not making out at my workplace, villanelle
ok but even though im bringing you HAM
let me think about it. let me weigh my options.
so on one hand there's my job security. my paycheck. what's left of my dignity
on the other side is ham.
and making out with me
if you can throw in some post-makeout dementia im in
do you want me to call subway and see if they sell that
no. but im afraid you're going to go do it anyway now because you think it'll be funny
SJKHDSFDS THATD BE SO funny eve. imagine their faces. HAHHASHFSKj
hello Subway Employee.
just stop. just stop this train of thought
i would like to order a sandwhich and also Cognitive Decline
okay yeah ive decided to end this conversation
but eve im being funny
ring me when you get here. dont come in the building. if you try to come in the front door ill shoot on sight
even when im carrying HAM? you would shoot me while im bringing you ham, your favorite thing
i'd shoot you under pretty much any circumstance
:(
okay. bye. my boss wants some shit or whatever done
okay love u seee you sooon<333333
...
love you