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The silence of her apartment was a blessing Kathryn Janeway did not take lightly. On Voyager, there had been plenty of places to retreat for a bit of quiet - her quarters, her ready room, virtually any place during the night shift. Even the bridge could be quiet at times, with only the soft chirps and blips from the computer to accompany the soothing streaks of the stars as the ship travelled ever close to home, to Earth. In contrast, Earth was constantly noisy and chaotic.
Even in the midst of battle or a ship-wide alert, Voyager had generally been a controlled sort of chaos. But Earth was full of civilians; civilians that acted with no united purpose or sense of order. They wore garish clothing that made many of Neelix’s outfits look positively restrained. They talked and played music and shouted and generally exhibited no interest in what others thought of their behavior. After almost two years, she was mostly acclimated to it but entering her apartment where the sights and sounds of millions of people faded away was still bliss. Particularly on an evening like this one.
She had spent the past hour in a dimly lit restaurant with a perfectly nice man who had spent his entire life on Earth. He had no concept of life on a starship let alone a seven year long voyage fraught with the dangers presented by travel through completely unknown space. As a result, conversation had been stilted and uneven with many silences nervously filled on his part with random anecdotes about his family, friends, and coworkers. At times, she’d wondered if they were speaking the same language.
He had been perhaps the eighteenth man with whom her well-meaning sister Phoebe had set her up. She understood that Phoebe was anxious for her to settle in on Earth lest she take another shipboard posting and disappear again, but Kathryn was almost ready to consider a shipboard posting as an escape from the incessant dates. She was content as a desk-bound admiral for the time being. It wasn’t as exciting as being the captain of a starship but it was a lot less stressful and even she had had to admit that the Doctor was right that a regular and predictable sleep schedule had improved her energy levels, mood, and ability to concentrate.
All in all, Kathryn was happy to be back on Earth. She visited with her mother and sister nearly every weekend and had the opportunity to socialize much more casually with those of her crew who had chosen to remain on Earth as well. She had a standing dinner arrangement with Tom and B’Elanna and even occasionally babysat for Miral - which, despite being a rather trying experience, was a very welcome and enjoyable one as well. Harry Kim, now a full lieutenant, often stopped by her office when he was visiting Starfleet headquarters as part of his design work at Utopia Planetia.
One particular event had made the transition to Earth even better than she’d anticipated. Soon after their arrival in the Alpha quadrant, Chakotay had approached her about dinner. She’d initially been hesitant, given her future self’s claim about a relationship between him and Seven, but his obvious sincerity had resulted in an enthusiastic acceptance before he’d quite manage to fully get the invitation out. Their resulting date had extended well beyond dinner and through breakfast. She hadn’t looked back since.
Well, except when she wanted to see his surprisingly toned butt.
Speaking of . . . she checked the chronometer on the security panel beside the door. It was just early enough that they could probably get a brief call in. Being an admiral, she had access to all non-classified and a fair bit of classified ship assignments. Voyager was in a relatively quiet area of space. Given that most of the Alpha and Beta quadrants were much quieter than most of the Delta quadrant, it was extremely unlikely that Voyager had stumbled into a battle or aberrant phenomenon since she’d checked the ship’s status before leaving the office.
She stripped the rather unattractive pantsuit that she’d worn to discourage her date as she headed for her bedroom. Due to Chakotay’s frequent absences from Earth, Phoebe had decided that the relationship wasn’t “serious”, a judgment which Kathryn seriously disagreed with. Unfortunately, her protestations had fallen on willfully deaf ears. After a number of completely ineffective arguments, Kathryn had decided that the men her sister insisted on setting her up with were more likely to listen to reason. So, in addition to wearing some of her dowdiest apparel, she informed her dates at the outset that she was in a happily committed relationship regardless of the information they might have received from her sister.
Once down to her skivvies, she threw on an faded and worn dress and headed to her home office. As she waited for the terminal to make the subspace connection with Voyager, she stroked the soft fabric fondly. It was one of the few civilian outfits she had from Voyager, most of them having been recycled when resources were low. But this one held a special place in her heart and she suspected Chakotay would recognize it from their time on New Earth as well.
The terminal chimed indicating the connection had been made and accepted. The Federation logo resolved into the interior of Chakotay’s cabin, his damp and unclad form front and center. “Hi there, gorgeous,” she smiled. He really was delectable - not as toned as he might have been some years ago, but all the more appealing for his very realness. Any hologram could display a perfectly toned physique but the slight softness that age had brought to his frame made Chakotay all the more desirable. “I hope I didn’t interrupt your shower?”
While baths were one of her preferred creature comforts, she knew Chakatay preferred a hot shower at the end of the day. It helped release the tension in his muscles, he’d told her. She could think of much more pleasurable ways to release the tension. She sighed regretfully as he wrapped a towel hastily around his waist. Distracted by the lascivious direction of her own thoughts she almost missed his reply. “Oh? I hope those were,” she smirked, “happy thoughts.”
He didn’t blush and his reply sounded a little flat to her ears. She was immediately contrite. He valued his privacy and had deflected her when she’d attempted to bring a racier tone to a previous call. Although she wouldn’t have been disappointed if the conversation had continued in a flirtier vein, she hoped he didn’t feel she was pressing him on a subject he’d already closed. Instead, she allowed the change of topic.
“I’m good. Getting home, actually, probably heading to bed soon. Big day tomorrow.” She let a bit of sarcasm leak into her tone. “I get to babysit two ambassadors from Titiopia. They can’t seem to decide whether the Federation would be a leap into the future or a slide back to tyranny.” She rolled her eyes. “I’m supposed to make them see the wonders of one united galaxy.” It really wasn’t as mindless as she made it seem but the fact that the Federation president insisted on trotting her out for assignments simply due to her status as ‘the captain who brought Voyager home’ was getting tedious.
“Honestly, I do sometimes miss the action.” A mental collage of the numerous times battles she’d faced on Voyager’s bridge flashed through her mind. Maybe not the action. “Or rather, I miss the freedom, from Starfleet. Everything’s all rules, regulations, and protocol now.” She remembered her thoughts from earlier. At least protocols made things less chaotic.
She was surprised when he teased her about her refusal to move their relationship forward on New Earth and blushed. “*That* protocol should have been thrown out of the airlock far sooner. I don’t know what I was thinking. Makes me grateful to be back on Earth though.” That wasn’t entirely true - she knew why she’d hesitated. They’d only been gone a year and a half. If they’d returned then, there was a good chance Mark would still have been waiting for her even if she wasn’t sure she’d have slotted comfortably back into her previous life.
Another point of concern was her ability to focus. She’d feared her all or nothing approach to things would have had disastrous consequences for both the relationship and the crew. If she gave her all to a relationship with Chakotay, would she still have had the drive to get the ship and crew back to Earth? Additionally, although her own memories of the time were somewhat foggy, she knew from stories by her mother and sister that she had sunk into a deep depression after Justin had died. If Chakotay had been lost on an away mission, would Voyager have lost them both?
Realizing the Chakotay hadn’t said anything as her thoughts meandered, she turned her attention back to the terminal. He really was looking delicious with his shower tousled hair. “Why so quiet, sexy?” she purred. “Miss me?”
He seemed somewhat startled by the question though why that would be, she couldn’t imagine. She wasn’t surprised by his heart-felt answer but his earnestness made her heart ache. There was a timbre to his voice tonight that indicated he was wrestling with heavy thoughts and she wished she could be there to embrace him, kiss him. Quietly, she answered, “I miss you too, Chakotay.”
She didn’t really expect an answer - she wasn’t even certain he’d heard her whispered response - but when it came it somehow made her heart ache even more than his statement of how much he missed her. Yes, they would definitely need to talk.