Chapter Text
Marinette stood on the edge of her balcony, looking out across the night sky. Her black hair, taken out of her ponytails, swayed gently in the breeze. Tikki sat next to her, looking at her pensively. Just 30 minutes ago, Marinette - no, Ladybug - had almost died. This akuma was… very tough, to say the least. It was able to see your greatest insecurities, and exploit them against you.
Marinette had a lot of insecurities.
The main one was never being good enough. She constantly worried that she wasn’t good enough to handle all of this responsibility - being a high school student, an aspiring designer, Ladybug and the Guardian all at the same time. She was also insecure about her looks, and her skills, but those came second to the first. All the times that she had failed had made her come to believe that she would never be good enough.
When the akuma revealed her insecurities to the world, it caused her to lose focus. She missed her target and had begun to fall to the ground before Chat had caught her and swung her in the right direction.
Chat.
The only constant in her life.
The only person she could truly depend on.
Sure, Marinette loved her friends. Alya, Rose, Alix, Juleka, Mylene - they had proved themselves to be the best girlfriends a girl could ask for. But they only knew half of her life. Half of her struggles. (There was also the fact that they sided with Lila - but she was willing to put that aside for now).
Chat Noir may not know much about her civilian side, but he definitely knew her best out of anyone. Always there to listen after patrols. The only person that could make her laugh 99% of the time. The only person that she could depend on nearly all of the time.
And there was also the fact that he gave such amazing hugs, and would warm her up on cold days when she started shivering, and sometimes when he confessed she desperately wanted to say yes, and when they found themselves in close quarters, she wanted to kiss him-
“What’s on your mind, Marinette?” Tikki asked her.
“Eh, it’s nothing.” Tikki gave her a pointed glance that said ‘I don’t believe that for a second.’
“Do you think I should let go of Adrien?” She asked her kwami. “I just- I’m not making any progress with him. I’ve known him for almost a year, and yet I doubt he would even consider me one of his close friends. I don’t know. I also just don’t feel it as much anymore. I really think I was glorifying him in my head a little.”
“That’s very mature of you Marinette, to realize that. I’m proud. But what did you mean about not feeling it as much anymore? You still seem pretty head-over-heels for him.”
“I don’t really know.” She looked off wistfully. Maybe Chat was out tonight. “I just, I don’t get those butterflies anymore. And if he rejected me, I wouldn’t feel devastated. I’m also-” She paused.
“Also what?”
“I think I’m in love with someone else.” Saying it out loud made it real. She had grappled with these feelings for a long time, pushing them under the surface for Adrien. Until now.
“Luka?”
“No, not Luka. He’s an amazing friend, trust me. But he was never my first choice, and it wouldn’t be fair to him to be a second-choice boyfriend.”
“Then who is it?” Tikki’s eyes lit up in realization. “Wait, do you love Cha-”
“Not that loud Tikki!” Her cheeks turned red.
“When did you realize this?”
“I think… I think it’s been coming on to me for a long time now.”
‘The times when I have the most fun, my favorite moments, are when I'm with you, M'lady. And I would give up everything for just that.’
‘I get it Ladybug. Your friendship means everything to me.’
Chat sacrificing himself for her. Over. And over. And over again.
She paused before continuing. “There’s always been some sexual tension there, and I think you already knew that. And I had said before that if Adrien wasn’t there, that I might have feelings for Chat. But I think I’ve always had at least a tiny bit of romantic feelings for him. He’s the one person I can depend on, you know? He’s my partner. And recently… those feelings have just exploded.”
“So you think you’re in love with him?”
"I don’t know Tikki.” Marinette groaned. “Yes, but I don’t know if I’m more in love with Adrien, or if I’m even in love with Adrien anymore, or who to choose. This is all so annoying.”
“Put it this way. How would you react if Adrien died?”
“What kind of question is that?” Her kwami shrugged.
“Just answer it okay?”
“I- I would be really, really sad. I would cry a lot. I don’t know. I would miss him a lot.”
“And what if Chat died?”
“I don’t even want to think about Chat dying Tikki.” Tikki looked at her, silently telling her to answer the question. “I would be empty. I would give up being Ladybug for sure - I’m not going to be Ladybug without him. It hurts me to even think about it. If I’m being honest… I don’t think I could live without him at this point.”
“Well, that answers your question.”
“What do you mean?”
“From what you’ve told me, you love Chat more. But then again, only you can know for sure.”
“I am in love with Chat Noir.” She exhaled. “Damn. That’s a first.”
“I’m proud of you for coming to terms with your feelings Marinette. I’m going to go clue in the other kwamis because you know how they can’t resist the drama.”
With that, Tikki disappeared into her loft, and Marinette was left alone. She grabbed her phone, but in her headphones, and pressed play to listen to one of Jagged’s newest songs.
She didn’t get to listen to music in peace for long though, before she heard a thump and saw Chat perching on her balcony.
“Hey there purrincess.”