Archive of Our Own

The studio is dim. Well, as dim as it gets, considering the fact that there are a few monitors in use, two light-up keyboards, and five or six kinds of other music production equipment. Min Yoongi is sitting with his feet tucked under himself on his chair, humming occasionally before leaning forward to click something, and Kim Namjoon is considering migrating to the floor with his laptop. That's how long they've been working. 

"Hm… hm." Yoongi is staring at the track. It's multilayered and a little over halfway done. He's already passed the stages of fervor for the new inspiration for the song and now he's tying melody and verse ideas together. He scratches at the side of his head. His hair is dry, even though he dyed it black a few months back to avoid excessive damage. 

Namjoon reaches for his chapstick and applies a layer. This is the 4th time in about 10 minutes. He shakes his head a bit as if to clear some kind of fog from it and exhales in a sigh, changing the rhythm of a rap verse before the bridge yet again. He can't decide between keeping it in 4/4 or switching the song from 4/4 time into ¾ time for the bridge. It could add an interesting element but would make it hard for the choreographers, singers, and rappers to adapt to the new song. 

Looking to his left, Yoongi sees Namjoon and, further left, a shelf of books, plants, and decorative candles. There are also some collectibles from KAWS and other, smaller businesses. when he sees Namjoon yet again reach towards his chapstick, he clears his throat and unfolds himself from his chair. "Hey, Joonie, want to go on a date to the convenience store?" 

Namjoon turns to look at him and nods immediately. They both save their projects at least twice before turning off their computers and getting up. In the warm gold light of the singular bulb in the ceiling, Namjoon's recently dyed ambiguously silver-brown hair takes on a platinum sheen and Yoongi just stares with rapture for a few moments as he stands as well. Then the moment is broken as Namjoon's back cracks and Yoongi laughs, a dry, happy sound and bends over to crack his as well. Then Namjoon's laughing too, if a bit subdued, and they head out. 

The studio door is closed behind them and they both take a deep breath. "Is it just me or does the air out here feel fresher?"

Namjoon’s comment prompts another deep breath and Yoongi nods sagely, "I think so. I bet we breathed too much of the air in your studio.” He rubs his chin as if caressing a beard; he doesn’t have one and it makes it even funnier. 

Once they exit the building with their coats it’s not more than a block or two to the nearest convenience store. The gloom of autumn nights in Seoul is offset by the cheery if garish neon lights of the stores. It’s comforting, almost. They pass under the familiar blue, orange, and red ‘Gs25’ sign and have to blink to adjust to the inside of the store. All of this is familiar, too. They walk down the aisles and exclaim over the overpriced candies. The ramen aisle is fully stocked, as always, and Namjoon and Yoongi both hem and haw over what they’re picking. 

Yoongi gets the same ramen and snack combo he always gets and Namjoon gets the same ramen and fresh flavored water drink he always gets. Once their food is ready they head outside to eat– hot food is best enjoyed when it’s chilly out. 

“Not to wax poetic on you or anything, but I’m glad we have each other. I’m glad to have you,” Namjoon says as he blows on his bite to cool it a bit more, “I mean, I probably would’ve stayed in that studio without getting anything done for another few hours at the very least before I realized I needed to get out of there.” 

Yoongi nods and there’s just the sound of them slurping their food for a few moments before he responds, “You’re right,” and pauses to look around, “even just getting some fuel and looking at different scenery… I definitely could have redone that chord for an hour straight without realizing how much time was going down the drain.” 

Under the table, Namjoon links their hands not holding chopsticks together. Yoongi snorts softly, scoffs, “Now I can’t stabilize my ramen, Namjoonie. Do you want me to spill it all over myself?” But he interlaces their fingers anyway. Once their initial hunger has been satiated they slow down, bring up nonsense chitchat. 

Company gossip is almost always new but hardly ever surprising; who’s coming back soon, whose comeback got postponed, how the monthly trainee evaluations looked recently. The same well-worn conversation paths apply to the industry gossip too. The big scandal a few months ago in a rookie boy group is only now starting to blow over. 1 member had to leave and spent some time drumming up support on social media and getting into controversy, but the group’s company addressed it and it seems that tabloids are finding something new to talk about. Not much else is happening, so they’re falling back on the same old dating scandals. 

“You’re right, it’s kind of amazing that IU-sunbaenim has avoided dating scandals all these years. I wonder how she manages it?” 

“Well, she’s done a lot of collabs, I guess, so her fans are more used to her interactions with a lot of different people.” 

“Joon, do you think she’d do a song with me?” 

“You’re amazing, hyung, of course she would. You always write songs with someone in mind, were you thinking of her for a recent project?” 

“Just a single, not an album feature. I have a bit of a melody I’m playing with but it’s small enough that I could combine it with bits I’ve written with other vocals in mind.” 

“I think you should go for it. I mean, if she says she doesn’t have the time, then at least you know you tried, right?”

 “You’re right. Remind me tomorrow to get in touch.” 

“Roger”

The noodles are long finished in the cups of ramen, and Yoongi drinks the soup from his. Namjoon elects to put his in the trash can away, rolls his eyes with a smile when Yoongi reminds him that the soup is the best part and to not throw it away. They dust off the seats of their pants and Yoongi pockets the snacks he bought. Namjoon opens his drink, and they make sure they hadn’t made a mess on the metal bench-table structure before heading back to the studio.

When they get back it looks the same as it did when they left. Yoongi curls back into his chair and Namjoon leans towards his computer. He decides to switch the timing of the bridge to ¾. It’ll make for a more interesting song, and, besides, this is one of the first songs he’s producing for this group. BangMusic doesn’t manage idol groups, instead functioning as a company for producers, bands, actors, and independent artists. This allows those signed to the label more freedom with their own music; idol companies reach out to get individual songs or even a full job working on an album. It works for both Namjoon and Yoongi quite well. They were on the underground rap scene for years before realizing they had the opportunity to pursue music as a career, and now have studios in which to work and a more stable income. The company allows them freedom(and sometimes a budget) to produce and release their own music. 

Namjoon is working on the title track and some b-sides for an up-and-coming girl group’s new mini album, and he wants to make a good impression on their company. That, and he watched some of their performances to get an idea of their skill set before starting on the song and they seem quite talented. A challenging song will be impressive, and tends to be good to please fans who may have wanted a full album. 

There’s a knock at the door, and then it opens. One Jeon Jeongguk pops his head in. He’s a soloist who’s been signed to the label for almost a decade, and occupies an interesting niche in the music industry. He tops charts with many of his singles, and most– if not all– of songs that feature him go viral. However, as an artist that releases rock music that deals with love, but also mental health, societal criticism, and more complex topics, he’s not a face that’s well known to the public. Jeongguk doesn’t have an idol contract– his was custom-drafted because, as a trainee, the company thought they would have to debut him as an idol soloist because of his priceless talent. Jeongguk wanted to pursue more alternative genres, however, and a soloist idol with a hip-hop concept seemed like too much of a risk.

He had been told that if other trainees were up to par they could try the concept in a group, but with only one person to promote, he would be too exhausted and lonely in an idol schedule. Jeongguk was lucky to have met Namjoon, then. He was a fan of the underground rapper Runch Randa and ran into him by chance when he was heading to his dorm. That evening, along with a signed notebook, Jeongguk received advice that changed the course of his life. 

“You’re what, 12? 13? I’m only in high school too. I guess my advice is to follow your heart. Imagine yourself 10 years in the future. Do you regret the choice you made?” 

Jeongguk had nodded furiously, still in awe. He managed to communicate that his label was BangMusic and to please watch out for him if he did debut, and that the company would probably be looking for producers soon, in case Runch Randa(Kim Namjoon, his name is Kim Namjoon!) wanted to do more with music. Namjoon doesn’t remember much of that conversation, but Jeongguk could recount the exact feeling of his feet against the worn soles of his converse on the damp concrete sidewalk, the soreness of his left shoulder from a dance evaluation, and the harsh fluorescent storefront signs that backlit Namjoon, very nearly giving him a halo. Then he fled to the comfort of sleep, and in the morning his mind was made up. 

He pressured the company to allow him to do the music he wanted to do and in exchange they gave him a longer contract, more responsibility in producing his own music, and reminded him that he would not promote as an idol with his personality but as a singer, with performances and music. 

 Jeongguk worked the hardest he’d ever worked in his life for the next few months and debuted as a hip-hop soloist with a full album. With his passionate performances, his fanbase became small but extremely powerful, and his album sales for the EP he released a little less than a year later were good. He spent the first three or four years after debut taking every collaboration offered to him, and his voice got a good amount of radioplay, especially on alternative stations. When Namjoon realized that he wasn’t magically going to find a passion outside of music, he vaguely remembered a conversation in which BangMusic was recommended to him, and found some of Jeongguk’s performances. He recognized the boy, even though he’d clearly grown up. He’d gone from black hair to a dark red to brown, and his makeup had been heavy on the eyeliner before eventually mellowing out to accentuate the contours and natural features of his face. On a whim Namjoon applied for a music production internship at the company, and within a year and a half he was a full employee establishing himself as the youngest producer, lyricist, and composer in the building. 

He rebranded himself as Rap Monster, and, after releasing his debut mixtape, changed again to RM. He’d been working on music for as long as he could remember, and under all different kinds of names. Real Me was the most secure he had felt in a long time and it was with that that he fully settled into the company, and continued his hard work establishing his many song credits throughout the industry. Jeongguk took a bit of time to realize that one of his idols had joined his company, but when he did he tried to play it cool about wanting a song written for him by RM.

Word went around the entertainment company grapevine that JYP would be debuting a boy band, and Jeongguk decided he wanted to dabble in rock as well, and learn the guitar. He got a few songs produced by RM in his discography, and became one of the first people he went to when Namjoon needed a demo track singer. His next full album had hip-hop themes and roots, but a few songs were guitar-based, and Jeongguk gained some new fans as his sound changed. Over the years it evolved into a full rock sound, and he played other instruments as well. Recently he had been dipping his toes into rnb, and his fans seemed to be avidly in favor of songs with the themes of ones he covered on his Soundcloud. 

Jeongguk is close friends with both Namjoon and Yoongi by now. Like now, they often jump into each others’ studios when they’re feeling stuck or want company. “Hyungs!! Sorry if I’m bothering you, but do you want to go on a walk with me, or grab a snack?” 

Yoongi looks down at the snack packet he’s going to open in a few minutes if he hits a dead end and shakes his head, “Sorry, Gguk. We just went out and got ramen.” 

Namjoon grimaces at Jeongguk, knows he doesn’t have tons of free time because of his dedication to his music. “We would’ve waited for you if we knew you weren’t occupied.” 

Jeongguk shakes his head. His hair, which has been black for almost a year now, is bouncy and healthy atop his head. “Ah, that’s fair. Next time, then! Good luck with your work!”

Once Jeongguk has closed the door behind him, Namjoon’s face falls into an expression usually reserved for when his plants have been wilting even with his utmost care and attention. There’s a furrow in his brow and he sighs. Yoongi has turned back to his song but is tapping a nonsensical rhythm against the light wood of the desk. “Do you think we’re the first people he asked?” 

Yoongi turns to look at Namjoon. “You mean, that we’re the first people he went to when he had a few free minutes for a snack or a walk?”

 “Yeah.” 

“Probably. Why? What’s on your mind, Namjoon-ah…” 

“We’re just some slightly older producers and we’re his closest friends… he really doesn’t have close friends his age, does he?” 

Yoongi sighs. “We’ve talked about this with him, haven’t we?” 

“Not really. We alluded to it once but… he’s been in the industry so long I don’t know if he realizes how isolated he is. He has that groupchat of ‘97 liners, but I can’t think of others he gets to see regularly.” 

“And he WORKS with us often, too.” 

This time it’s Namjoon’s turn to sigh. “I don’t want to come across as controlling because goodness knows his fans already have him at their beck and call, but I really worry about him. If he gets too swallowed up by his job he’ll burn out, and besides, every person should be able to connect to people outside of work, no matter how close work colleagues can get.”

By now Yoongi’s computer has gone to sleep and he’s turned to give his full attention to Namjoon. “I see where you’re coming from. I don’t want to come across as controlling either, or condescending. He gets along well with people older than him but you’re right, hmm, especially on the work colleagues thing. What would we do, though? It’s not as if you and I are winning popularity competitions either.”

“I don’t know…… wait.” “Waiting?” Namjoon rolls his eyes and powers on, “Remember how we met?” “Oh no… you couldn’t possibly be implying…” 

“Oh, yes” 

“I can’t believe I was that uninspired, though.” 

“And I still made it through all your ridiculous filters!” Namjoon gets up from his chair and migrates to the couch, plopping gracelessly onto the plush cushions next to the arm. Yoongi follows, recognizing that this conversation is going to be a bit longer than a moment away from work. Namjoon tucks one of his legs under himself and Yoongi sits next to him with both feet on the couch, angling his legs partially onto Namjoon’s lap. “You toggled so many filters… ‘in my area’, ‘job: performing arts’... what else?” 

Yoongi hmphs a laugh and adds, “I think also ‘introvert’ and maybe ‘old soul’ or something weird like that”

“Woah… no wonder you only got three results?” 

“Yeah, no wonder. And even more crazy that you managed to accidentally convince me to join your label.” 

“Right. You were hitting a dead end looking for a company that wouldn’t make you dance and ended up getting that app just for someone to talk to… why was I even on it?” 

“You were hitting a dead end with the production of your first mixtape?” 

“Oh, right. That was almost an astronomical crisis.” 

“Ah, but hyung gave you amazing advice,” 

“I don’t even want to know how many times we passed each other in the company building before realizing who we were.” 

“The number of times I tried to reconcile my crush on the guy I was talking to online and my interest in the cute young producer at my new job… It's embarrassing to even think about” Yoongi buries his face in his hands and laughs dryly. 

Namjoon pinks a bit but smiles, “I’ve always wondered how much of that angsting made it into AgustD, even though we were together before its release…” 

“You don’t want to know. Why did you bring the app up?” 

“Oh. Jeongguk.” “... Jeongguk?” 

“I was so uninspired then but, like, even talking to you before we expressed deeper interest–” 

“‘deeper interest’... Joon… just say you wanted to fuck me but hold hands afterwards–” 

“Wow, thanks, Yoongi-hyung you’re so very warm and tender… anyways,  even talking to you helped me when I was going through those blockages and then since we started dating the company got more lax with the whole relationship thing… Do you think Jeongguk should download the app?”

“Jeonggukie? Our baby Jeonggukie?”

 “He is 22 years old, hyung.”

 “I still think of him as his younger self, though… he only just turned 22, it’s been, like, a month.” 

There’s a beat, then, “But, yeah, the baby is old enough for a relationship, I guess. We’re not his parents.” 

“Wait, no, you’re right. He might be a bit young for a relationship, I don’t know. Lots of normal people date at 22 or even younger but he’s been in the music world since, well, since he was in middle school, so he hasn’t had a lot of experience. I just meant he should do it to see if he can find some people to talk to who aren’t the same old company hyungs.” 

Yoongi nods, “We aren’t that old, Joon.” 

“You know what I mean, though.” 

“yeah. You have a very brilliant sexy brain. It's a great idea. Is that what you wanted to hear?” 

Namjoon’s ears turn red and he grins, “Why thank you Mister Min-ssi,” before bursting out into laughter. Yoongi joins him, eyes crinkled up. Namjoon opens his eyes widely as he laughs to be able to see Yoongi and the expression on his face just makes Yoongi laugh harder. 

As he calms down, he reasons, “Yeah, hah, we really… really should suggest it to him… Do you want to invite him for drinks this weekend?”

 “Let’s say we only get to do it if we finish these songs we’re stuck on.” 

Yoongi looks back to his computer, “Shit. Yeah, okay.”

Both of them get off the couch and get back into their chairs, and get to work. Most ordinary people would be zombies on legs by this time of night but Namjoon and Yoongi have learned to structure their workdays by deadline and not by daylight. The decorative analog clock above the door marches on, oblivious to the taps of keys and samples played, changed, and then played again. Namjoon runs out of water in his water bottle and gets more. Yoongi opens his bag of snacks, taking a bite every time he slows down and steals Namjoon’s water, blaming the salt content of his food. 

With a cry of joy Namjoon clicks ‘send’ on a file and rolls away from his computer on his chair with legs outstretched, “DONE! I’m texting Jeonggukie!!!”

Yoongi’s head whips to him, “Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, you suggested this because you were super close to being done with yours! That’s not fair, I still have so much to do on mine!” Namjoon cackles and pulls out his phone, tapping away. Yoongi lunges for him, aiming to pull the device out of his hand. Surprised by the display of energy, Namjoon jumps up from his chair. He moved too far from the desk and Yoongi doesn’t reach him, instead slumping back against his own seat and whining, “You’re so mean, Joonie,” 

Namjoon pockets his phone and drops a kiss to Yoongi’s forehead. “Well, it’s only Tuesday, hyung, get cracking!” Yoongi sulks as Namjoon leaves the studio, probably to go get some sleep. Or maybe a coffee before heading out on one of his early morning bike rides. When the door’s closed, Yoongi sighs, smile tucked into the corners of his mouth as he turns back to his computer, and the half-finished song. Awhile later he rubs his forehead in exhaustion and his fingers come away a little less scratchy. He remembers that Namjoon’s lips hadn’t been chapped and decides he’s closing his software for the day. It’s only Tuesday, and, besides, it’s a self-imposed deadline. He needs rest and he’s pleased with his progress at the moment. It’s a good stopping point. 

Jeongguk replies to the affirmative about getting drinks and asks the reason. Over a quiet homemade dinner Namjoon tells Yoongi he panicked and gave a vague answer about ‘needing to tell him something’ and Yoongi shakes his head, purses his lips to hold back a dry chuckle. “That’s probably something best explained in person, but why did you say it like that, the boy’s going to have a heart attack”

Namjoon just takes another bite of his food, hums in satisfaction, and doesn’t bother to respond. Yoongi smiles, wide and gummy, and Namjoon realizes he’s found his bliss. 

Saturday rolls around and they’re sitting in a booth, nursing beers. There’s a half-finished tray of fried chicken on the table between the three of them, and they’re out of sauce. The grooves in the dark wood table are as familiar as the canvas artwork on the walls and the forgotten kiddie cup of crayons on a table nearby. They’re not so much at a club as a ‘family restaurant by day, bar-and-comfort-food place by night’. It’s been open for years, and is frequented by all kinds of people. The patrons are mostly in the neighborhood, and the front of the restaurant is nondescript. Simple copper signwork backlit by dim LEDs and a single door, the place is a local treasure. Hole-in-the-wall restaurants tend to be hit or miss but Namjoon, Yoongi, and Jeongguk have been meeting up here for years. If the staff recognize any of the three of them they know not to make a big deal of it– there’s a booth at the back they’ve come to think of as ‘theirs’ because the lighting there is the worst, and allows them the greatest amount of privacy. 

None of the three of them are dressed up. Jeongguk is in his typical practice room gear, which consists of black track pants and a greyscale hoodie. He’s not wearing any makeup, and the dim light casts his face into muted tones. To Yoongi, sitting across from him, he looks so very young and so very tired. Yoongi himself is in typical studio gear, which consists of ratty jeans, a black shirt and a red-checkered flannel overtop. Today he added a bright blue beanie to the ensemble. Namjoon is probably dressed best out of the 3 of them, in a white shirt, purposefully ripped patchwork-y jeans and a greenish jacket that reaches just past his elbows. He’s wearing a necklace of some kind, too, with beads in white, green, and shades of brown. He’s almost done with his beer and contemplating ordering another.

They’ve talked of this and that as they always do but there’s a lapse at the moment and Yoongi sips his beer a bit before beginning.

“Jeongguk, You know how you sometimes ask us to go on a walk with you but we’re already out, or want to get a meal with us but it’s date night, or with pdogg but he’s working on a track?” 

Jeongguk looks up from where he’s been turning his piece of chicken in the light to watch it’s colors go from lighter to darker brown and back again. “Yeah?” The corners of his mouth turn down a bit, “It’s kind of lonely, I guess.”

Yoongi looks to Namjoon before continuing, “We have… an idea. For you.” 

Jeongguk perks up a little bit. “Hit me with it, then.” 

“Remember that app that connected Joonie and I?” 

“Yeah… I remember… I’m not looking for a boyfriend, though… the label would kill me, I think.” He laughs but it’s a little raw, sardonic, almost. “The rules around my socializing are a lot stricter than yours because you guys are, like rappers and producers and I’m almost an idol,” Jeongguk swirls the beer around in its bottle. It’s almost halfway finished and the condensation has begun to drip from the bottom. 

“That’s a fair assumption, but here’s the thing. It’s also a bit of a social connecting app.” Namjoon jumps in. Yoongi hums and nods, checks Jeongguk’s face for indications of upset, “Yes, it’s a dating app, but you can probably just sign up and be upfront that all you want to do at the moment is talk.” Jeongguk looks like he’s about to protest but Namjoon goes on, “I know how much of a romantic you are, Gguk. I’m sure your bells will ring someday. But, in the meantime, it might be nice to just chat with someone who doesn’t know about your fame… just person to person? It could be freeing, really. You can talk about non-work stuff for once, goddamn” 

Jeongguk’s face takes on a contemplative look and he smirks when Namjoon gets fired up, although his shoulders are still slumped and his voice is hesitant when he queries, “What if the person I match with catches feelings?” 

“You’ll just have to cross that bridge when you come to it. I know you’re very emotionally intelligent, I’m sure you can handle it.”

“Fair…” Jeongguk’s voice is small, a little shaky, even, “and… what if… what if I catch feelings but we can’t be together because of the company’s restrictions?” he unconsciously curled into himself and is intently looking at the wet spots on the table created by his beer. He drags his finger aimlessly through the water drops. They’re very cold.

“I will personally set fire to the company building if they prevent you from having your love life.” Yoongi cuts in, eyes blazing. Jeongguk laughs but is grateful, is starting to smile a little bit. “I mean, they introduced you and your first album so young, and since then you’ve been working and working so hard, hell, you might work just as hard as an idol even if you technically aren’t one. You do interviews, you have that dance cover services, you go live on the company channel too sometimes, you’ve had a yearly memories package for at least two years now–

“Yes, Yoongi, we get it,” It’s Namjoon’s turn to cut in, simultaneously wanting Yoongi to go on because he’s hot when he’s passionate and knowing that Jeongguk hates being reminded of this kind of thing, “Don’t overwhelm Jeonggukie,” He rests his hand on Yoongi’s thigh and Yoongi interlaces their fingers, seems to deflate, “What he means is that you work very hard for the company and definitely you’re one of its public face musicians so they would be foolish to deny you a little dabble into dating, if you’re ready to commit. Plus, you can hide it from fans for awhile. Really,” gesturing between himself and Yoongi, “we’re even still, like, half-hidden. We haven’t released a statement of any kind. Hyung just hints bisexuality in his lyrics and we’ve both hinted falling in love in ours… at the same time,” he muses, slowing down, “we are less personality based as rappers and producers. Your circumstance might be different,”

Yoongi adds, “– but it shouldn’t be too different.” Namjoon shoots him a fond, grateful glance and squeezes his hands, “Yeah.” 

Jeongguk looks between them, his two closest friends sitting across from him at the booth earnestly waiting for his response. They seem optimistic about their idea and he wants to think about it some more, is already turning over the ‘what ifs’ of the plan. “That does make me feel a lot better, thank you… I think I’ll… consider it. I still have to ask the company before I download anything on my phone, though.” 

“.. Still?” 

Yoongi and Namjoon have both finished their beers, and Jeongguk nods, “Yep. They considered lifting it a year ago, I think it was? But do yu remember that guy Woo………” he sucks in air through his teeth with a ‘hss’ as he tries to remember, “... woojin? He had that whole awful thing surrounding him and I think the company worried that giving me freedoms past sns posting could invite trouble in the wake of something that was so big and it just… hasn’t come up since, I guess.” 

He finishes his beer as Namjoon sighs and Yoongi settles for flicking the bottle in front of him. Neither of them like how restrictive the company is towards Jeongguk– still is, despite the fact that he’s been with them for almost all of his contract and has yet to even breathe near a scandal. “Maybe… find a time to bring it up and then once you get the app just… do it on your own? To speak in confidence, I don’t actually know if the company would want you doing this,” Namjoon’s voice carries conviction, he’s displeased with the beliefs the entertainment system tends to hold, as a whole, “We’re your hyungs and your friends, and above all else we want you to be happy.”

To his shock, Jeongguk is tearing up. Yoongi adds, “Yeah.... we love you” and that’s what does it. 

He takes a deep breath and manages a wobbly smile, opting to push his bottom lip out in a pout and lighten the tone, “Awwwwwh, wow, hyung, you must be DRUNK” 

Namjoon doesn’t comment on the delighted scrunch of Jeongguk’s nose and instead throws his arm around Yoongi, “Hmm, I think he might be getting a bit tipsy,”

Jeongguk sticks his tongue out a little and gives them an out, in case they’ve said all they want to say, “Is it time to go home?” 

“No, let’s stay a little longer, I like the atmosphere.” Yoongi replies with a soft smile on his face. Both Namjoon and Yoongi are feeling tender and they give Jeongguk a moment to collect himself. 

He starts, “You know, a new coffee shop opened a few weeks ago near the company building,” and the conversation meanders off in a different direction. 

They debate the merits and downsides to trying it out– could be better than their current usual coffee place, could be more expensive, could save time, would shorten the walk if they use coffee as an excuse to get out and stretch their legs, and on and on. At some point someone brings them more sauce for the fried chicken, and they each get another beer. It’s lighthearted, and by now the evening is less about the value of the conversation and more about the value of the company. Briefly they begin to talk about current and upcoming projects for music before Jeongguk groans dramatically and slumps onto the table, proclaiming that he is FAR too intoxicated to talk about WORK. 

“Realistically, some of my best work has happened while drunk… some american guy named Peter, yeah, Peter something said ‘write drunk, edit sober’ and he was so right, Yoongi, what do you think?” Namjoon adds. 

“Yeah, I agree, but that’s only for our emotional stuff. Usually we want to be more in our heads when we’re figuring out wordplay and how best to say stuff.” is Yoongi’s response.

“That’s definitely true. Jeongguk, thoughts?” 

“Uhhh… I’ve never really written anything drunk, I guess. I don’t know.” He shrugs and is bringing his beer to his lips when Yoongi passes him one of the untouched complimentary shots of soju that came with the chicken, “Try it tonight”

Jeongguk’s chin drops and Namjoon takes the glass out of Yoongi’s hand, protests, “Don’t make him drink more, hyung, we still have to get home and he doesn’t want to be drunk if he gets recognized.” 

Jeongguk facepalms and buries his head in his hands. Words slightly muffled, he exhales, “Don’t remind me…” 

“Ah, remember that time we were drunk and someone recognized us and asked for our signatures and we messed up? That was so funny,” his shoulders shake with a brief giggle, “but I’m so glad that person never made a big deal on social media about it, that would’ve been quite the scandal.”

Then it’s Namjoon’s turn to bury his head in his hands, “I nearly forgot about that, wow. I don’t even remember what we messed up but I remember finishing my signature and thinking, ‘that does not look like my signature, that looks like a kid drawing swirly ovals and lines’... I really can’t believe that guy never said anything when we were so clearly hammered.” 

“Crazy…” Yoongi mutters.

Jeongguk rolls his eyes, “I can’t believe it’s a ‘scandal’ if we get drunk… all I want to do is sing and dance and play guitar and drums but oh noooo I have responsibilitiiiiiiies… I bet everyone who would criticise me for being drunk also gets drunk sometimes, because it’s a common adult experience,”

His tone is comedic, almost, but there are bitter and truly resentful tones underneath the playfulness. He props his chin up on a palm and goes for some more fried chicken. “Heyy, you could make a diss track out of that,” Yoongi, amused, offers. 

“I don’t really rap, though, there’s not a lot of room in rock for stuff like that,” Jeongguk counters. 

“Just because you don’t doesn’t mean you can’t… I’ll feature you in one of my songs!” Yoongi grumbles. 

“You’ve been saying that for over a year and a half now, hyung,” Jeongguk teases, grinning. 

“I mean it, I just haven’t gotten around to it!” Yoongi sputters, “Remember, I had you sing that demo?” 

“Yeah, but then you gave that song to Suran!” Jeongguk counters with a head shake. 

“Oh. I remember. Sorry?”

 Jeongguk snorts, “It’s fine, just don’t forget about me entirely,” 

“Aw, Ggukie, I could never,” Yoongi cheeses. 

“I could feature you in something?” Namjoon jumps in. 

Jeongguk turns to him immediately, banter with Yoongi forgotten, “Oh? What?” 

“Well, I haven’t written anything for you specifically, but maybe next week you can come to my studio and dig through my files for something you like?” 

“Hyung, of course, that sounds so fun, I love rock and all but… 4 albums in and it might be nice to branch out some more.” 

“Some of the stuff on your latest album was a little bit rnb, right? And you started with hiphop…” 

“Well, technically, yeah, but… I don’t know a lot of rnb or…” Jeongguk pauses to collect his train of thought before continuing. Yoongi and Namjoon have a brief tug-of-war over the last piece of chicken. Yoongi lets Namjoon win. “Non-rock stuff gets into the realm of love, because that’s what a lot of people sing about, I guess? And I just saddens me because I have so little to write about… as soon as I do much of anything it seems like I have either paparazzi or the company on my back and, like, not in a good way. Remember when I went clubbing with that group chat I have with a few people my age in the music industry and I got totally flamed for months afterwards? And we all had smear articles written about us but mine were the worst, I mean, remember that one.. I couldn’t get the headline out of my mind, ‘rock-star JK bad-boy side finally unveiled? EXCLUSIVE and MESSY shots of the singer having a bit too much fun clubbing, flaunting safety restrictions’...” Jeongguk’s voice had grown more despondent as he spoke, and became downright venomous when recounting the article title. 

“I mean, hello? I did nothing wrong, none of us were sick and we followed safety restrictions, and nobody actually got any photos of me, those were just grainy security camera screenshots, which… WEIRD?! That’s my privacy they’re walking all over… just… ugh!” He throws his hands up in indignation and they drop back to his lap. Earlier, Yoongi thought Jeongguk looked painfully young in the dim restaurant lighting but now he seems to have aged, a weight on his shoulders pressing him to slump into his seat. The grease from the chicken was around the bottom half of his face, but he’s wiped it off, so there’s a slight effect of darker shadows around there, which, when combined with his dark circles and posture, serve to lend a gaunt, almost withered look to his face. 

He takes a deep breath and continues, wants to at least let it all out in front of his friends. “I hate that I can’t even meet up with friends. Where can I possibly look for anyone to catch feelings for to write love songs about! Why am I even thinking about love in the capitalist context of work in which I think of love and immediately afterwards think about writing songs about the experience, why can’t I just let the experience and time pass by and be enjoyed!” 

Namjoon mutters that Yoongi’s rubbed off on him, and Jeongguk huffs a dry laugh, deflates back into his half of the booth. 

Suddenly this whole pleasantly buzzed thing is getting a lot less pleasant. Jeongguk is a bit grimy and sweaty from the day, his hoodie is wet on one sleeve from when he wiped the beer condensation puddle off the table, and he kind of just wants to lie down and fall asleep. He’s absently staring at his hands, and Yoongi gently suggests that maybe now it really is time to go. Namjoon assents and asks Jeongguk how he’s getting home. “Uh, I’ll get a cab, I guess.” 

He recognizes their concern, knows it comes from a place of care for him. He also recognizes his tired reflection in the used beer bottle, and the gaze his hyungs send each other when they think he’s not looking. They’re in love in a calm but warm and secure way and he’s currently the baby they have to manage towards his bedtime. He groans and stands, waves off their concern. Pulling his face mask over his mouth and his hood over his head, he trudges after Namjoon and Yoongi as they exit the restaurant. The hostess, a kind lady he assumes to be in a mother or aunt role in the family that operates the restaurant, waves at them and wishes them a safe trip home. 

He misses his mom. He misses his parents. He’d come to Seoul young, and doesn’t visit them as often as he wishes he could. He calls them during holidays and tries to not go a month without speaking to them once or twice. Without his notice, a cab has been hailed for him. Its cheery orange exterior only deepens his gloom. He can’t say why, is a bit too muddled to identify the reason. Yoongi gently nudges him to get in and he goes, buckling robotically. Namjoon provides the driver with his address and closes the back-seat door once he’s sure that Jeongguk is fully in the car. 

The cab drives away and Jeongguk watches out the window as his hyungs get smaller and smaller. He sees Namjoon pull Yoongi close before they start to walk away, presumably to the subway, before disappearing from view. Then it’s just him alone in the cab, the vibrations of the car on the street causing his brain to buzz and rattle inside his skull. It hurts but at least it’s keeping him awake. Jeongguk is relieved that the feeling stops him from thinking too much, knows he gets more talkative– or at least more honest– when there’s alcohol in his system. The wet spot on his hoodie is cold, and the car smells just a little bit musty. 

It’s not too long a drive to his apartment, and since it’s so late at night there isn’t an overwhelming amount of traffic. The driver doesn’t try to strike up a conversation; he barely glances at Jeongguk’s face. When they arrive Jeongguk thanks him, pays him, and heads up the stairs. He turns just the one main light on so he can see where he’s going as he sits down to pull off his shoes and put on his house slippers. The place is impersonal; the decor is sparse. There’s some laundry in the corner, a small multicolored pile sitting atop his couch that irks him, but doesn’t irk him enough to make him take care of it. He abhors the mess but his limbs are lead weights attached to his body and his mind is a feeble scarecrow trying to hold the whole operation together. He’ll deal with it when he wakes up in the morning. 

In the morning he’ll also have to deal with the lackluster job he does of getting ready for bed– he skims the brush over his teeth, scrubs his face in fewer strokes than he can count on one hand, and thinks the moisturizer made it to all the dry spots on his face. He doesn’t check, though. He manages to remember to change into pajamas, and falls into bed with an ‘oomph’. Sluggishly he wishes there were someone beside him to run their hands through his hair, or perhaps someone to hold onto before he succumbs to dreamland. 

And, well. He writes a note on his phone that he needs to ask the company about the freedom to download apps on his phone and soon enough he’s forgotten about it as it gets buried under other things. He spends a lot of time in the studio. Almost more in the practice room, perfecting performance run-throughs and pre-filming dance practices for his dance cover series on youtube. Wishes, idly, that there were someone to talk to about something decidedly not-work-related. 

This status quo only lasts for a little while, though, because his company finds time in his schedule to squeeze in a weekend of fanmeets. It’s always the biggest reward to be able to see the people he’s inspired with his music. Before debut he’d almost considered using ‘SEAGULL’ as a stage name. It hadn’t made the cut, and he’s known just as ‘JK’ when he releases music, but the seagull idea stuck when it came to picking a name for his fans, and on his 2nd debut anniversary he released the official fandom name. ‘SEEGOLDS’ sounds like ‘seagull’ and carries the reference to Busan, his hometown, where he’d been inspired by the idea of seagulls. That, and it also is short for the full phrase, ‘when I see you i am gold’ because of the nickname ‘golden JK’ his fans had begun to call him. The idea of him being ‘golden’ stuck because it was a concise way for his fans to brag about his skills, calling him golden because he seemed to be good at everything. Jeongguk was really glad to be able to have a way to address all of his fans, because saying ‘fans’ even felt a little bit egotistical, and uncomfortable. 

When he writes notes to fans he’s able to freely show the full extent of the love and passionate care he has towards those who support him and love his music, and fansigns are a different kind of safety. 

A fan he meets during one of these events leaves such an impression on him that he remembers the note on his phone. The fan has short, curly brown hair and slightly angular features that soften when they smile at him. He signs their copy of his album after they briefly yet joyously engage him in conversation. It’s a bit of a whirlwind. They thank him for his hard work, which makes his ears go pink, and then tell him he changed their life, which makes his jaw drop in awe. Luckily before he can stutter too much with his response they change the subject to recommending various sweet coffee combinations to him, which he appreciates. At the end they apologize for speaking so quickly. Their time is nearly up and his manager is giving him the ‘move it along’ head tilt he so despises.

Jeongguk thanks Hal– the fan had first introduced themselves before beginning to talk– and hopes fervently that they understand how much their comment meant to him, how grateful he is to have such amazing, sincere people following his journey as an artist, how moved he is by the depth of thought that probably went into the brief interaction.

Hal’s english has an engaging accent he can’t quite place. He’ll later realize it’s french, and be grateful that he has a translator sitting next to him for the duration of the meeting, because with his rudimentary skills he would have had trouble maintaining such a speedy conversation pace. 

‘To HAL, really appreciate your love for my music !! be happy and young forever, have a safe flight home !!! thank you for the coffee ideas i will try them and think of you, SEEGOLDS have changed my life too always with my love  ( ᐛ )و

• JK~’ 

He adds a few little stars and hearts next to his signature, and satisfied, passes it back to Hal. 

It’s late fall but that means this fanmeet is being held indoors, and most everyone inside has taken off their outer layers. Jeongguk has shucked his padded jacket and is comfortable in his royal blue silk top, a long sleeve with a strange scarf-like necktie detail picked for him by his stylists. Hal, however, is wearing a warm mustard yellow short-sleeved shirt tucked into what are probably jeans. That’s not the crucial point, though. The crucial point is that Hal has a visible tattoo on their right arm. Before they have to go back to their seat he asks what it’s of– it’s a painting called ‘Solen’ by Edward Munch. 

The tattoo is a sunrise, or sunset– appears to be a sunrise over hills. The light rays coming off the sun are fractured into squares, and it has hints of many different colors. It’s as if a kaleidoscope was painted onto their forearm, and Jeongguk is only a little bit enthralled. On his way back to his studio after the fansign the tattoo is still on his mind. He’s wanted tattoos for nearly as long as he can remember, but it was always a thought he assumed would go away as he ‘grew out of it’ a phrase employed by his manager for some of the other things he’d expressed interest in. 

He knows if he brought the idea of getting a tattoo to Namjoon or Yoongi they’d tell him to follow his heart and do what he wanted but that he should wait and make sure he’s rock solid sure on what designs he wants. If he brought it to his company he would likely get a flat, immediate refusal. He doesn’t want the advice of anyone who knows him as HIM. He wants to bounce ideas off someone anonymously. He’s changing into sweats for maximum music production comfort and laughs to himself when he remembers a hate article written about him years ago that concluded that he should go to a therapist. 

Jeongguk pulls out his phone and asks to have a few minutes before his schedule begins the next day to talk to his manager, who acquiesces. After long hours remastering a new song idea, dinner, a quick gym visit, and some rest, the next morning he’s as ready as he’s going to get. After adjusting the itchy school uniform vest he’s wearing for the ‘live stage’ shoot, Jeongguk takes a deep breath and goes looking for his manager. Luckily Sejin seems to be open this morning, and Jeongguk’s air of calm is… he always heard the phrase ‘fake it ‘till you make it’ but it has never felt quite so applicable before. He asks if he’s allowed to get app downloading permissions with far too much trepidation than a 22 year old should be feeling about their own technology. 

Sejin looks at him and smiles, tells him of course he can have permissions and apologizes for not having done so sooner. It’s not until another week or so later, though, that he actually gets the permissions because Sejin has to talk to the company on his behalf, and convince them their adult singer should be allowed freer use of his phone. 

Finally, however, he downloads the app and adds his profile. It’s practically winter by now, and he’s contemplating whether he has any decent pictures of himself silhouetted in the snow before he remembers that it’s an anonymous(and therefore sans pictures) app. Profiles are compiled of a list of facts, and then an editable bio. He spends all of 10 minutes on his before his alarm rings and it’s time for him to go to the gym, and he figures it’s good enough. 

Male, 22 y/o, Seoul, KR, job: performance arts(from the dropdown menu),

likes: music, photography & film, working out, tidiness, marvel, tattoos 

dislikes: black coffee, losing, school, high pressure social situations

Jeongguk leaves it for a day or so and comes back during a lunch break from recording a soundcloud cover to do some mindless left-right swiping on people who look interesting. Eventually the app provides him with 4 people who seem to have matched with him. He starts up a conversation with each of them, hoping that at least 1 goes somewhere. One of them ghosts him when she realizes he’s not there for a hookup, one seems to want to go to one of Seoul’s gay clubs for valentine’s day and be able to post on SNS about it, and the other two get into relatively normal conversations, for which he’s grateful. 

So then, in his scant free time between dance practice and vocal practice and sleep and the bike rides he sometimes goes on with Namjoon and long hours in the studio, he texts his two new ‘friends’. 

The one who seems more interesting is named Jimin.

Profile: 

Male, 24, Seoul, KR, job: performance arts,

likes: music, dance, deep conversations, attention, long walks on the beach,

dislikes: unnecessarily mean people, mint chocolate ice cream, hookups

Jimin opens the conversation and they talk of inconsequential things, until they run out of inconsequential things to talk about. Then once he realizes the conversation is beginning to die off, Jeongguk idly brings up mint chocolate because it’s in Jimin’s profile. It’s 11pm on a wednesday night and his day is far from over. He’s filming a teaser for a collab single, and the artist he’s working with wants him to provide clips of him playing instruments. He’s not expecting a fast response from Jimin. The small team in the studio with him are changing the lighting and his fingers are already a bit sore from a long day of guitar practice, so although ordinarily he would practice during breaks, he decides instead to try to keep the conversation going on the app. Immediately his notifications blow up so quickly he shuts his phone off. 

Later(earlier? The shoot went on for a long time, and it’s nearing dawn) he checks the thread with avid confusion and sees a slew of messages. Jimin passionately(in all caps, with lots and lots of emojis) expresses that mint chocolate is an unappetizing color to look at, that it takes up space in ice cream stores that could go to other flavors, that it tastes like toothpaste, and that people who like mint chocolate should be considerate to their friends and ask before ordering it because it can spoil other flavors. He was previously about to go to sleep but he’s up another hour because his rebuttal seems to catch Jimin awake as well. 

Jeongguk makes the points that mint chocolate is a preference too, and that people should respect each other’s preferences. He also finds a statistic that at least 15% of people in a given room, if polled, would say they liked mint chocolate. He’s mostly joking and he can tell that Jimin is too, and although he’s exhausted he’s laughing at his phone. The argument lasts a ridiculously long time and ends in vague threats along the lines of stealing kneecaps(Jimin) and removing all the cookie dough bits from your cookie dough ice cream(Jeongguk). 

Jimin then says that he needs to go because he has practice, and Jeongguk, already half asleep now that the conversation isn’t going at the speed of light, sleepily texts to ask what he’s practicing for. Evidently Jimin waited until the last minute to say goodbye because although he manages to stave off sleep for a minute or two to wait for a response, the app tells him his messages have been delivered, but not read yet. 

When Jeongguk wakes up it’s the middle of the afternoon. He has the weekend ‘off’ but for years now it’s been an unspoken expectation that he works on his music in his free time. ‘Time off’ is code for ‘time with no official schedule’ in the industry, something Jeongguk learned through painful trial and error. He’s eating some yogurt and granola for breakfast and sees Jimin’s answer that came sometime around noon, expressing that he’s a dancer in a company that gets hired for things like music video shoots, backup dancing for various performers, competitions, and other similar events. 

Jimin

Yeah lol it’s not like

A ‘real job’ 

I know

Jeongguk

Ooo dancing is one of my interests

I never got to pursue it as much as I wanted to tho 

I got into singing instead kekeke

Whats ur area of expertise?

Jimin

I’ve trained in contemporary the longest i guess

\( ﾟヮﾟ)/

I can do anything though 

Not to brag but 👀

Jeongguk 

Wowie that’s so cool though

Jimin

Wbu

Jeongguk

Oh uh

I’m kinda in a band idk it’s hard to describe

I perform?? Sometimes that means dancing too :>

I dont rlly have an expertise I just do what my choreographers tell me to 😬

Jimin

Ohh

So what do u play :0

In the band

Jeongguk

Well im a vocal obviously

And ig often on the drums 

Oh and guitar 

Jimin

Now THATS cool ?! 

1 man band dude

Do you even need band members ??

Kekeke you can do it all yourself

Jeongguk

O//J//O

I guess so

I mean if u put it like that

Jimin

Hehe

So r u guys just like a garageband kinda deal?

Do u have part time job 

Jeongguk

Nah this IS my day job

I cant reveal more this is an anon site we’ve only been talking for a week

Jiminssi are u a stalker ?😳

Jimin

That’s fair lol i can’t expect u to reveal who u r esp if ur some kinda famous celebrity

Jeongguk

Yeah for all u know i could be the president’s son

Jimin

O-O and are you??

Jeongguk

Lmfao no idk if id be on an anon chatting site if i was

Jimin 

Wait oops thats true

Jeongguk

Well why are you on this site ??

Dancers r suuuper popular in my circle

And ur super nice and funny

Why arent u taken ?!

Jimin

Long story short im too sexy for my own good

Jeongguk 

??)#((*%&@$& can i get the long story orrr

Jimin

Sure lol

Jimin’s text bubble disappears and reappears for a few minutes and Jeongguk puts down his phone to wash his breakfast dish and get dressed. This afternoon all he has is some demo recording for a few tracks and practice room time– he’s gearing up for the release of an EP and wants to send a few tracks out to producers to see if he can get a feature or two, or at least some secondary industry opinions. He’s in charge of managing the production of most of his music, and although he doesn’t compose, produce, write the lyrics for, and master every single song of his, he has a huge hand in everything he makes. It’s always nice to get more ideas on songs, especially when they’re in beginning stages. 

A well-worn pair of skinny jeans and a soft grey shirt later, Jeongguk tugs on a warm coat and is on his way out. He checks his message thread with Jimin while he waits for some of his tech to boot up and reads the explanation he missed in the time it took him to get ready. 

Apparently, Jimin has dated before but, as an independently contracted dancer, his schedule is unpredictable and ever-changing. It’s always hard to fit in cute little dates and quality time. Jimin quotes his best friend, who says his body is ‘to die for’ and says his previous boyfriends echoed the sentiment, often having time to drool over his ass, but not to take him to new coffeeshop openings or to see fireworks or shopping for couple outfits, or, shockingly, just to talk. He says he’s now on the site to talk, because at this point he’s craving a real human connection that doesn’t involve physicality for once. 

Jimin

Most of those previous relationships ended bc

And lemme just say the situations are eerily similar

Almost like i always get stuck with the same kind of person -___-

I get back and for idk maybe the 8th or 9th day in a row i’m like really sore from dance

Or maybe i offer for us to sleep in and go to the aquarium and then to dinner and to sleep early

Read: situations in which i offer quality time sans uh,,, sexytime

Then previous boyfriends get squirmy??? And oh no… and then wow i finally realize they basically only wanted me for my body

hahahaha(not funny!! I probably ignored some red flags tbh)

…

K wait that was a lot of info

I am so glad you’re still kinda a stranger on the internet lol 

Jeongguk

Wait sorry I was getting ready for some recording i’m back 

:(( that really sucks im so sorry

Jimin

Well

It is what it is 

Besides . i got my first tattoo bc of one of those relationships, so

Silver lining ?? 

Jeongguk

Yea think positive!! 

WAIT A TATTOO?? :0

What do u haaaave

Jimin

A lyric from one of my fav artists 

Jeongguk

Ooo whats the lyric

Jimin

It’s from an Agust D song

He’s not like,,, super mainstream idk 

Jeongguk nearly drops his phone because this amazing guy has a lyric written by one of his best friends tattooed onto his body…???? He has to take a break and look around the recording room. He realizes he really should get going on those demos but his curiosity rules over his dedication to his duty just this once and he responds. 

Jeongguk 

Wow!! 

I like his music too I think he’s a great performer

Jimin

Yeah :p 

His stuff got me thru some,, Challenging times in my life

Jeongguk 

I’m glad they’re behind u, then

Jimin

Me too

I’m pretty happy at the moment 

I just think the only thing missing is some companionship

I thought about getting a cat but idk

My friends wanted me to try a sugarbaby site and yknow?? 

I can’t 100% tell if they were joking but I was like 

Hell no

And then they were like what about the opposite

(we were drunk)

And i went.. ‘The opposite??’

And they went oh yeah don’t show ur body it’s just like blind dates based on personality

The conversation moved on so quicklyyyy

Idk if they actually thought it existed??? But i want home and found it kekeke

Jeongguk

Lol

My friends convinced me to do it bc they’re dating and 

I always kinda feel like an intruder when we all hang out

Jimin

Like a third wheel almost

Jeongguk

Yeah 

I kNOW it’s not like that BUT IT KINDA IS

They have other friends too but i really only have them? 

And then a few others my age but those guys are busy performers too and I don’t see them much so 

Yeaaaa i kinda just joined this app for friendship

OH AND BECAUSE I WANTED A TATTOO

Jimin 

:0 ?!?!?!?!? so u wouldn’t date me

😒

Jeongguk

Well now that we’ve talked so much

Idk abt that

Jimin

Lmfao 

A text notification lights up Jeongguk’s phone, then, and he really needs to get to recording. He closes the app and throws all of his focus into the demos, doing his best to make up for the lost time he spent messaging Jimin. He almost regrets it but then he finds that he doesn’t, because Jimin is so interesting to talk to, and Jeongguk, for once, realizes he’s doing something that’s all for himself, and not at all to satisfy fans or his company. It’s a little terrifying but mostly it’s thrilling. The same kind of thrill he gets on roller coasters and while bungee jumping, just in a much smaller dose. 

He doesn’t get back onto the conversation thread for another half day because after the demo recording he’s spending hours practicing choreography and then that night when he sleeps he dreams of having a full sleeve of tattoos on both arms and when he wakes up he still thinks it’s real, so he pulls on a long sleeve shirt to ‘hide’ the tattoos from his fans. Today he’s filming some content in nature, so he and his filming crew are going to have to spend a few hours on a bus getting there. He has a bag with the outfit he’s going to have to change into, but for now he just wants to be in what’s warmest and feels the most like pajamas. 

Recently he got into modernized hanbok and now he has sets of all different colors. Today he’s in a sage green-ish color, and once he’s settled on the bus with his sweet coffee(today he’s treating himself to one with lots of caramel and whipped cream– he remembers, vaguely, some of Hal’s recommendations and is determined to try as many as possible), he opens his message thread with Jimin and prays that he’s awake so they can talk. 

Jeongguk

GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT

No response. Jeongguk closes the app, takes some aesthetic pictures of his hand holding the coffee up, hanbok-clad knee in view in the foreground and the view of Seoul at dawn out the bus window in the background, all bright sky blues, yellows, and every shade of grey buildings can possibly be. 

Just out of curiosity he reopens the app, and Jimin did respond,

Jimin

WHAT WHAT WHAT????

Jeongguk

I WANT A TATTOO 

Jimin

ohohohohOO

And why would that be

Jeongguk

Well i met this really cool fan of my music

Which doesnt happen that often

Right

And they had this AWESOME TATTOO of an art piece?!

And i was like I WANT THATT

And then U mentioned YOUR tattoo(s)

Which reminded me of it

And i think i have some designs in mind???

Jimin 

HELL YEAH

Lets get u some INK

Jeongguk

Wait but

What if my fans dont approve

Jimin

Screw ur fans

Wait not that

If they don’t approve of ur aesthetic choices r they really ur fans…

Like unless u do sth offensive but thats a different issue

Jeongguk 

Whoops

I guess youre right 

Jimin

Of course i am <3

Jeongguk can’t think of anything funny to respond with so he sips his coffee and turns on some music, intending to zone out before he has to log his personality back on for all the content they probably want from him later. He doesn’t mean to be, but he winds up being inactive for a few days, and when he checks back he has a few texts waiting for him.

Jimin

Jk where are uu :((

Jeongguk

NOOO IM SO SORRY

I GOT SUPER BUSY FOR A FEW DAYS 

Jimin

It’s ok!!

Jeongguk

What have U been up to

Jimin

Not much honestly

Im thinking of getting a dog or cat 

idk

Jeongguk

Why

Jimin

Well im on this site

Jeongguk 

Yea

Jimin

And im on here for like. Companionship and stuff but idk ,, none of the ppl on here r like…

We’re strangers idk why i expected that the ppl on here and I would be meeting in person within a month of knowing each other

Jeongguk 

:0000000000

Then r u like,,, talking to more than 1 person on here ?

Jimin 

. maybe

Jeongguk

hAh

i am only talking to U

Jimin

:00000

The conversation dies for another few days. Jeongguk would feel worse about his complicated and unpredictable schedule but he knows Jimin’s works like that, too, and they both text whenever they can. 

Jimin

Hey

We’ve been talking for a few weeks right

Jeongguk

Omg

Yeah? Didnt we start talking in like… november or december? 

Jimin

Hmm r u ok with ,,,

Exchanging numbers

Jeongguk panics and leaves Jimin on seen for at least a day because he goes to ask Namjoon and Yoongi about what to do. “Yeah, you can change your number if you REALLY need to get away from him if he ends up seeming like a creep but he seems normal, right?” is Namjoon’s response. Yoongi hums and doesn’t add any more, and Jeongguk feels like a bit of a fool for his flurry of contradicting thoughts but there’s something different in how he sees his interactions with Jimin. Their conversations don’t make him nervous, because Jimin is so easy to talk to– it’s the lapses in between their talks that he gets in his head, worries that Jimin could get bored of him. 

Jeongguk

YEAH LETS

Jimin

??

[contact attached]

Jeongguk puts Jimin’s contact into his phone and saves his contact name as ‘Jimin’ so that the notification shows up the same way it did on the app. Within a week or so of exchanging numbers they start to send each other little picture messages occasionally. The app hadn’t allowed it, had explained in the FAQ that it was strict with the personality-only rule, and insisted that users become comfortable enough with just talking without sending pictures of any kind. 

Jimin and Jeongguk agree to not send anything too personal– they’ve been talking for a couple of months but value the anonymity this contact allows them. Mostly they send pictures of meals, and recommend coffee shops to one another. Jeongguk sends a lot of music recommendations, and Jimin reacts to some of them, and says he listens to all of them. He’s too shy to send his own music but does send Namjoon’s most recent album. Jimin replies that his favorite song was Seoul and that he was inspired enough by it to make a routine. 

They get into a full deep conversation about the metaphors in the song– loving vs hating Seoul, and what it means to hold this contradiction as truth– and Jeongguk learns that Jimin’s hometown is Busan, as well. He makes a quick satoori joke and Jimin follows briefly before they go back to talking about their separate but parallel stories of moving to the big city at a young age for their passions. 

Dance had been Jimin’s passion for as long as he could remember; he ‘worked his ass off’ to get into a Seoul dance academy and moved without a second thought. That was when he started to learn to make choreographies. He lets Jeongguk know that he won’t be sending the choreography video.

Jeongguk

Why?

Ohyeah

Too sexy for ur own good !!

Jimin

Lmfaoo

:( yep

Over the next month or so of talking they become closer. Jimin’s photo updates become more personal. Jeongguk starts to call him Jimin-hyung, and Jimin starts to call him Ggukie. Hesitantly he would say they’re friends but they also jokingly flirt, which is fun but happens often enough that the compliments become genuine, at least on Jeongguk’s side. He hopes Jimin knows how kind he is, how expressive he is with his stories even through text, how grateful he is that Jimin is willing to put up with the scarcity of Jeongguk’s photo updates. He makes up for his sparser real-life photos with a plethora of memes, ranging from generic to ‘uncomfortably specific and applicable’ according to Jimin. Jeongguk thinks they’re making him laugh, though, so he sends them with immense enthusiasm. 

It’s an ordinary Friday when Jeongguk’s little crisis occurs. He’s making fried rice and the idle thought crosses his mind that wouldn’t it be fun to have Jimin here in the kitchen with him, and he sends a photo of the food he’s making, 

Jeongguk

[photo attached]

Wish u were here

😎

Jimin doesn’t respond immediately and that’s okay, happens most of the time with them. Jeongguk sits down to eat his dinner alone and realizes he hadn’t even thought to text Namjoon, Yoongi, his ‘97 liner groupchat, OR post on sns to his fans. He had only thought of Jimin. On the outside he’s contentedly munching on fried rice but his mind is in chaos. Jimin is so kind and sweet and supportive and oh no… oh NO Jeongguk really likes him and they click so well...

He finishes his food and washes his dish, getting ready for bed as he always does. He doesn’t want to think too deeply into that new idea, doesn’t want to poke at that ball of feelings occupying a space in his heart he hadn’t discovered until just now. He supposes it’s been there for awhile and he’s just been ignoring it, the same way he ignores his heart flip-flopping when Jimin sends heart emojis, or calls him a cutie. 

Jeon Jeongguk will deal with this in the morning.

(That night he dreams of sitting in a coffee shop and hearing the bells ring from behind him on the door as someone enters, calling his name. He rotates in his chair to see the face of who he supposes to be his beloved but wakes up before he's turned all the way around.)

In the morning he doesn’t feel rested when he wakes. Perhaps Yoongi really is rubbing off on him. He rushes through his schedule(roughly an hour of livestreaming where he eats, plays guitar, and chats with his fans, then to the practice room then to the gym then to his studio) and when his to-do list is completed to a vague sense of satisfaction, he allows himself to barge into Yoongi’s studio. 

Yoongi’s, because he checked Namjoon’s and it was locked, and Namjoon never remembers to lock his studio if he’s in it. He knows Yoongi’s password, though, so he bypasses the ‘go away’ cat mat and sits on Yoongi’s couch. Upon his arrival, both Namjoon and Yoongi look up from their work in perfect sync; they almost look like meerkats or some other group animal that perks up at once. The comedic timing sends Jeongguk into relieved giggles. He recovers from his laughing fit and explains his situation as best he can. 

“Well, then, I don’t know what you’re waiting for. All this to tell us you want to go on a date with a guy you met… ON A DATING SITE? Jeongguk, I don’t think I should have to spell this out for you.” Yoongi stares him down. 

It does not feel great for Jeongguk to look him in the face to provide the context for the crisis; the nail in his proverbial gay yearning coffin, “But what if he finds out who I am?”

Both Namjoon and Yoongi seem to erupt in different ways at this addition. Namjoon implodes, heaving a deep sigh as his eyebrows settle nearly to his hairline. Yoongi explodes, “.... HE DOESN’T KNOW?” and Jeongguk buries his head in his hands as he responds, 

“No, he thinks he’s just talking to some dude in a band?”

“Tell him, then…” “Jeongguk you have to tell him who you are?” Jeongguk almost starts to cry-laugh at the pure confusion in their tones. He doesn’t entirely know how he got here, either(that’s a lie– he knows exactly how he got here– by denying his feelings and lying by omission for at least a solid 6 months). 

“And what if he hates me?” 

Namjoon has laced his fingers together, and his knuckles are white. Jeongguk can’t tell if it’s to hold himself back from something or just to stabilize himself. “If he’s as nice as you say he is, he’ll realize why you did what you did, at least, right?” Jeongguk goes to sit down on the couch but doesn’t get comfortable, instead learning forward with his back ramrod straight. “Besides, you don’t know who he is either, now, do you?”

“Well, no, but I know he’s too sexy for his own good,” Jeongguk manages, with the ghost of a smile.

Yoongi hisses air in through his teeth and queries, “You sent nudes?” in the same tone of disbelief one would use upon asking whether disney princesses really eloped with their princes after one meeting. 

Jeongguk shakes his head frantically, realizing how his comment probably sounded, “No, NO! It’s an inside joke, I promise!” Namjoon and Yoongi both level him with their most carefully neutral facial expressions. They look rather pained. 

After what was a distinctly eye-opening conversation, Jeongguk cautiously breaches the idea of meeting up.

Jeongguk

So uh jimin

Would u potentially 

Be alright meeting up sometime ?

Jimin

I guess so

That makes me so anxious to think abt tho idk why

Lets think about it and make a plan?

Kekeke we’ve been talking for months now why is this so awkward suddenly

Jeongguk

What if we videocalled

But just did our voices?

Like wearing sunglasses and a face mask

Jimin

Ooh

Big fan of that idea

Jeongguk

How about

Saturday ?

Jimin

Sure ! lol

Although the text interaction was surprisingly casual sounding, Jeongguk spent the time internally panicking. He feels like somewhat of a cross between two images he’s sent Jimin a few times– elmo with his hands up, surrounded by flames, and a dog sitting at a table holding coffee, stating ‘this is fine’ while the house around it is on fire.

For the next day or so their conversations carefully revolve around everything except the impending videocall. Jimin brings up some of his past hair colors, and Jeongguk expresses envy. He’s been confined to shades of black, and brown all his life, with the exception of one foray into a reddish tone, whereas Jimin’s resume is rather impressive. His hair has been bright red, both dark and light orange, many shades of blond, bubblegum pink, grey-silver followed by white-silver, and then, recently, quick changes between bright purple, bright blue, and bright green. He says his hair had been black for about a month to let it rest, and had brought up the subject because just the past weekend he’d bleached it again.

The list leaves Jeongguk reeling and he says he almost dyed his hair a cherry red on his own a few months back but chickened out because he was worried his fans would all hate it. Jimin reacts with appropriate outrage on his behalf. Jeongguk grins at his phone screen without realizing it when it lights up with a text notification from Jimin saying he’ll dye his own hair a cherry red in solidarity with Jeongguk’s struggle, although he immediately tells Jimin to not do so, and to please go back to black hair for longer to let his roots rest. 

Jimin

kekeke

Jeongguk

Srsly tho hyung like ur roots must be crying out for a saviour

Jimin

Well

Convince me on saturday

Jeongguk

I shall do my absolute best

Jimin 

Lol

Ngl i am kinda nervous about our call

Jeongguk

Wait me too

Why are we nervous

Jimin

Idk what if i’m secretly a really old man

Jeongguk

Ooh

What about me

Jimin

Ur a 15 year old troll

Obviously 

Jeongguk 

)$*#&%(&$

Now why would u do my poor 15 year old troll best friends like that 

Saturday rolls around and Jeongguk decidedly wears extremely nondescript, totally normal, any-dude-in-a-band clothing. He puts on a plain white shirt that reads ‘urbanage’ across the front in black letters. The font is like that of a university letterman jacket, except each letter has a ‘drip’ effect on it that makes it seem as if the ink on the shirt is running like paint. Over that he shrugs on a charcoal grey modernized hanbok top as if it’s a jacket, and then adds a few chain bracelets. Since it’s just a video call, he doesn’t bother picking pants, instead keeping his sweatpants on. 

Satisfied with the way he looks, he heads to his bathroom to make sure he didn’t wake up with any massive pimples, and brushes his teeth. It’s already 11 in the morning, and they said they’d call at 3– what in the world is Jeongguk going to occupy himself with until then…? He decides to go on a walk to clear his head at least a little bit, and ends up changing out of his sweats into the matching modernized hanbok pants, and adding a pair of comfortable sneakers. 

The weather is nice out– it’s still wintry but it seems to be at its breaking point. There’s a certain freshness to their air that only comes when spring is on its way, and the chilly atmosphere does help Jeongguk organize his thoughts. He’s nervous for this call... Why, exactly, is he nervous for this call? He’s played music festivals in front of 25,000 people all by himself on stage, he’s staked his entire career on the success of one album at least a few times, he’s done many, many performances for which rehearsals were scant and last-minute and still managed to bring the house down. 

What’s so different about Jimin? He supposes that it’s because he’s so far removed from Jeongguk’s life as a rock star. As his fame grows, his private life has shrunk. He used to be able to go out and post blurry selfies for his couple thousand followers on twitter, and then continue to enjoy his evening meal or midday walk. Now he’s careful with what he posts. His most recent album made many ‘bubbling up’ artist lists internationally, and the radioplay his own songs receive locally is increasing as well. 

Jeongguk grabs his phone and keys, dons a mask, and heads out of his apartment. There’s not much greenery in the area he lives in and he resigns himself, as always, to wandering through city streets. He connects his earbuds to his phone and shuffles the playlist he made for when he’s zoning out in his thoughts. Most if not all of the storefronts he passes are aesthetically pleasing and, ruefully, he wonders if they compete for business through the aesthetic pictures people share when they go. There’s a good scattering of people on the street. Jeongguk likes to people-watch, knows that in Korea people tend to be aware of how they present themselves and the messages they send with their aesthetic choices. There are few students, and many people seem to be out just to enjoy the fresh air as he is. 

Music is the center of Jeongguk’s life. As someone who makes music, he’s constantly listening to what’s out there by other people. His wandering playlist tends more towards the acoustic side, and maybe half of the songs are covers of songs he likes sung by an artist he prefers over the original. He waves between people as he reaches a slightly crowded intersection, and waits for the light to turn. The midmorning light throws the winter colors into a higher contrast, and he covers his eyes with a hand to block the harsh glare. Usually on a day like this he would either be filming something or shut inside practicing, but this is nice. Free. 

Most aspects of his life involve discipline– he idealizes the rockstar freedom and ‘crazy’ lifestyle but knows he doesn’t truly want it, knows the only ‘rockstar’ thing he wants to be known for is an unstoppably powerful stage presence. He’s never been the type to go to crazy parties, nor is he a fan of trying potentially dangerous new things. A few of the other hiphop soloists he’d been compared to back when he was establishing himself also headed into rock-adjacent genres as they grew, and the careers of many, despite dedication shown towards their music, deteriorated because of their drugged-up or fringe lifestyles. A couple even got involved in crime rings. The pedestrian light turns on and Jeongguk crosses the street, thinking about his own career. 

‘JK’ was known to be decently reclusive, often showing up at festivals to perform, get free food, and leave soon afterwards. He supposes that’s another reason he doesn’t get recognized all that often in public. On stage he shows an entirely different side of himself. He’s expressive, draws attention to himself. When he was younger, his choreographed songs had a lot of stop-start motion– a lot of complex tricks and moves executed so quickly there could be life-threatening injuries if he or any of his backup dancers had a single moment of self-doubt. 

As he’s grown up, much of his style has headed in a smoother direction. There was a time he focused all of his energy on the contrast in a routine that combined fast moves with slow, controlled movements. Recently he’s been trying choreographies that have large, expressive movements he requires the strength of his whole body to execute properly, instead of something that isolates more gestures with his torso and arms or leg movements in sequence. 

He’s been out for maybe half an hour when his stomach lets him know that not only did he leave without breakfast– he left without even a coffee. He turns off the busier street onto a side street and sees that it has a few different shop openings. One of them has a little picture of a coffee cup as part of the sign’s lettering, and he decides that that one’s his best bet. 

The whole place has a bright, modern energy. The decor is white, grey, black, and many shades of cool blues. It’s pretty. It lacks personality, though. Jeongguk thinks back months earlier, to the conversation in the family restaurant when he’d decided to download the dating app. Where that place had been well-worn, well-loved, this one was café-liminal, almost. 

Liminal(adj.)

("liminal" is derived from the Latin word limen , meaning "threshold"), the concept of a liminal space classically encompasses physical spaces that, due to their function, are transitional - hallways, waiting rooms, parking lots and rest stops are the archetypal examples of such places. Liminal spaces relate to the unique and combined feeling of eeriness, nostalgia, and apprehension one gets when presented with such places outside of their designed context. Most notably, their function as intermediary points between origin and destination. For instance, an empty stairwell or hospital corridor at night might appear as sinister or uncanny because these places are usually brimming with life and movement. Therefore, the absence of external stimuli (such as conversations, people moving around, or any kind of dynamism) creates an otherworldly and forlorn atmosphere.

There are some students scattered, studying, and some people on dates, or just here to sit. None of them really bother to look up at him as he walks in and it’s both parts relieving and unsettling. 

Jeongguk places his order with the tired-looking part-timer at the counter and retreats out of the way to wait for his drink. He’s feeling nostalgic and reflective, and in this moment in this café he sees the shadow of the person he could’ve been. If he had quit music instead of pushing harder as a trainee, if his parents hadn’t encouraged him to follow his dreams, if, if, if he hadn’t kept running when he felt like collapsing he could have been here. Here, or somewhere that looked almost exactly like it. Studying, still, probably. The part-timer making his drink tilts her head to check the milk foam in the cup in a way that eerily reminds him of himself. 

Shaking his head as if to clear these uncomfortable thoughts out through his ears, Jeongguk turns his music up one click to try and drown out his mind. It’s probably just nerves. He tends to fret over what-ifs of the past when the future is unclear. His drink– a terribly sweet frappucino to fulfill his cravings– is placed on the counter and he goes for it as subtly as he can, holding it like a lifeline once he has it in his hands. He nods his thanks to the worker and leaves the café. 

Slurping the drink in his hand, he checks the time. Huh. Gay, and now caffeinated, Jeongguk walks faster than he thinks, because it’s barely past noon. It seems that he does indeed have enough time to grab some lunch. Despite the walk, though, he’s still physically tense. He finishes up his coffee as he walks back to his apartment and changes into his workout clothes. Blitzing his way through a youtube workout video, he’s flushed and sweaty when it’s done but at least jelly limbs are better than limbs that feel as if they’re stuffed with bees. 

After the workout and subsequent shower he changes back into his original outfit and scoffs at himself a little bit. He hadn’t wanted to need to work out today but he was too keyed up to go without, evidently. He crosses the street and a few shops down gets a packaged salad and, because he feels like treating himself, an expensive individually wrapped rice ball as well. He eats distractedly and then sets up his call angle, moving his phone to at least three different places in the main room of his apartment before he’s satisfied. It’s almost 3 and he puts on his face mask and a blocky pair of sunglasses, wiping his sweaty palms on his pants afterwards. 

At 3pm sharp he presses call on Jimin’s contact, and it rings for barely a second before the video fizzles to life. Jeongguk’s sitting cross legged on the floor in front of his coffee table, where he has his phone resting against a box of tissues. His torso and face are mainly in frame, and he has to admit he looks quite comical.

“Well… nice to meet you?” Jimin opens, hesitant. His voice is soft, pleasant. A bit raspy. Jeongguk wants to hear him talk more.

 “Uh……. uh, yeah…” he answers, unable to come up with anything to say. He’s too busy staring at Jimin, who’s wearing a soft-looking peacock blue shirt with a low scoop neck. Jeongguk’s eyes catch on his exposed collarbones and it’s a poor excuse to give, but Jimin truly is leaving him breathless. His video, like Jeongguk’s, is angled so his head and torso are in frame, and if the video quality was better Jeongguk would be able to tell what the charm on his necklace is. He’s also wearing sunglasses and a mask. Jeongguk yearns to see his face. 

“Well, this is so weird it’s kind of funny,” Jimin bravely attempts to start their conversation again, “We’ve been talking almost nonstop for months and suddenly we can’t say anything to one another?” Jeongguk thinks he’s smiling, thinks he can hear it in his voice. 

He finds his own after those embarrassing moments checking Jimin out and responds, “Well, I’m SHY, hyung,” and Jimin teases, “Oh, think you could be the 10th member of twice?” Jeongguk giggles and his laugh triggers Jimin’s as well.

Jeongguk mimics Sana’s iconic gesture with his curled fists and tone, “shy shy shy!” which kicks Jimin’s laughter back up from when it had begun to die down. He leans forward towards the camera, body shaking, and his recently-bleached hair comes more into view. Jimin’s laughter is light, free, and Jeongguk can’t help laughing along. “Hyung, you have a nice voice,” because he means it.

“Oh, thanks! I swear I recognize yours…” Jimin tilts his head in thought. Jeongguk freezes, unable to think past the blind panic that seizes his heart in an icy grip. “Are you sure you’re not a celebrity?” 

By his tone Jeongguk can tell Jimin is teasing but he’s removed from the conversation. It’s almost as if Jimin’s voice is trying to reach him from somewhere further than from his phone speakers. He manages a weak, “About that…”

“Mmhmm,” Jimin encourages. Jeongguk lets out a shaky laugh. It’s high pitched and an idiot would be able to tell that he’s nervous out of his mind. “Okay, you don’t have to tell me,” Jimin holds his hands up as if in surrender. 

“But–” 

“You’re clearly very uncomfortable, Gguk. We can revisit this later if you want to, though,”

Jeongguk heaves a massive sigh of relief. Jimin giggles at him. Cards on the table. At least Jimin knows he’s talking to someone with a bit of a following, although Jeongguk hopes Jimin doesn’t guess who he is before he gets to reveal himself. “Okay, okay, so, um, how are you?”

Seeming to take pity on him, Jimin doesn’t comment on the bland conversation starter and instead rests his chin on his hand. “I’m doing alright. I have a choreography deadline in a few days, though, and I’m stuck on this one part, it’s driving me nuts.” 

“Oooh, a perfectionist,” Jeongguk chimes in. 

“Well….” Jimin makes some kind of facial expression but all Jeongguk sees is his face mask moving a bit. He seems to realize that Jeongguk can’t actually understand the joke he’s making and concedes, “yeah, I guess I am.”

“Whoops. So am I, though.”

“Alright then! Pot calling a kettle black, don’t you think?” They erupt into giggles again. 

From there they’re more relaxed. They commiserate over dance-related things such as foot problems and chat about choreographies. Jimin promises to teach Jeongguk a contemporary routine sometime, and he does his absolute best to ignore the butterflies that erupt in his stomach at that. Jeongguk learns that it’s easy to make Jimin laugh, and when he does, he tends to lean to one side or towards the camera. 

“Hyung, you know, I take my role as the saviour of your roots very seriously,” Jeongguk starts, after yet another view of the straw-like state Jimin’s recently bleached hair has been left in. He puts his hands on his hips and puffs his chest out, adopting the most ridiculous tone he can, cries, “and your roots are just calling to be rescued! I hereby declare– no, I demand that you dye your hair back to black for longer! The people are calling for it, Jimin!” 

“Now, now, Jeongguk-ssi, don’t get too ahead of yourself,” Jimin leans forward towards the camera and places his head on the palms of both of his hands, “this flower you see in front of you is devilishly sexy with black hair, do you think the people can handle THAT?”

Jeongguk’s breath dies in his throat and he’s momentarily stumped for a response. The phrases ‘jimin’ and ‘sexy’ had never really existed at the same time in his mind too deeply past their jokes, and he scrambles to push those thoughts aside to tease back, “Well, the people will just have to learn to handle the sexiness, I guess. What’s the alternative, a sexy bald man if you keep dyeing your hair and it all falls out?”

“Wow, didn’t know you had a thing for guys built like Mr. Clean,” Jimin starts. Jeongguk doesn’t even hear the rest of his joke, though, because the first comment sends him into hysterics. He claps and throws his head back to laugh, tries to wipe the tears from his eyes but is blocked by the sunglasses he’s wearing. That makes it funnier and he sees Jimin laughing on the screen, too. 

When they both recover, gasping for air, Jeongguk can hear the pout in Jimin’s voice when he protests, “I told you I’d dye my hair cherry red to make up for the injustice of your almost-dye, though! How will I fulfill that commitment if I dye it black?!”

“Fine, fine, but you have to promise to dye your hair black RIGHT AFTER the cherry color fades, none of this pink purple green blue turquoise diamond rainbow all within the span of a month nonsense!” Jeongguk concedes. 

Jimin salutes with a cheeky “Sir, yes sir!” 

Then somehow the conversation shifts to outfits, briefly, and Jimin shows Jeongguk his pendant. It’s the chanel logo, and Jeongguk jokes that Jimin may have lied when he said he didn’t go on the sugar baby website. Jimin vehemently defends himself, saying that it was a birthday gift from his best friend who’d gotten a promotion thanks to advice from Jimin. Jimin asks to see his bracelets and comments on Jeongguk’s ‘nice hands’. 

Time flies as they share this and that. They even manage to make talking about the weather interesting, and Jimin circles the conversation topic back to the music they’d been recommending each other. 

Eventually Jeongguk’s stomach rumbles and he looks down at it forlornly. “I think I should go…” he pouts. 

Jimin’s hands come up to cover his mouth over his mask when he giggles and adds, “Yeah, I probably need to eat too.” He stares at the camera, at Jeongguk, as if waiting for something, but Jeongguk doesn’t know what. 

“Okayyyyyy, thanks for calling and talking to me, hyung!! Bye,” Jimin wiggles his fingers at Jeongguk, who waves before ending the call. 

After a few deep breaths, Jeongguk moves from the floor to sit on his couch. He doesn’t even bother to pick up his phone, instead opting to let out a small screech as he kicks his feet up in pure enthusiasm. Jimin is so cute he doesn’t know what to do. The way he leans when he laughs, the sound of his laugh, the hand gestures he made to better articulate stories, it’s all replaying in Jeongguk’s mind. 

It really should be dinnertime but Jeongguk is enlivened, is once again buzzing with energy. He’s spellbound by his thoughts about Jimin and doesn’t think twice before tossing his spare pair of earbuds on the kitchen counter and exchanging the sunglasses on his face for his keys and wallet. He makes a pit stop to pick his phone up off the coffee table before barreling into his studio. For the next few hours his fingers fly across papers and keyboard. 

When his stomach growls again, this time much more loudly than its polite reminder during his call he notices that it’s the next day according to the clock on his phone. He forces himself up from his chair and out of his studio, leaving the navy tones and modern speaker tech for the plain tan of the company halls. He’s still invigorated, and with this energy comes impatience. He gets a container of banana milk and a packaged sandwich out of one of the vending machines in the main wing of the next floor down and is off with his spoils, nearly taking the stairs two at a time with how quickly he rushes back. 

In between sips of the banana milk and edits on the music program he wolfs the sandwich down. Usually he takes his time eating but right now he’s writing a song, and he’s writing faster than he’s written in months. There are no windows in the room but if there were he would be seeing the rays of dawn pierce through the grey of the night by the time he leans back and looks over his work. 

What he has in front of him is a rock ballad, and a rudimentary but solid first draft of its lyrics. He was careful to be vague as he went, but parallels between the inspiration and what it produced still remain. The song talks of an online relationship in which he wishes ardently to compare hand sizes and reach through the camera for a hug. To come home to another person instead of a blank apartment, to wake up to the sounds of someone else simply existing in a shared space. To him it’s less about constant attachment and more about nearness and awareness; he wants so much to have a homing beacon, a safety to which to return to when he’s worn down and overwhelmed. It can be passed off as dedicated to his fans– barely. 

The initial creative energy has run its course and his body cries out for real rest. He drags himself back to his empty apartment and diligently completes the same evening routine he’s completed nearly every day for the past five years, despite his exhaustion. 

There’s a nearly imperceptible change in the way Jimin and Jeongguk text each other after their call. Jimin’s updates get a little more personal. His hands feature in pictures of meals or his shoes and legs are in the shot of a lake he went walking to, when previously it would have been simple food or nature pictures. One day it’s his bag next to his leg on a bus seat, and, notably, Jeongguk receives a picture of Jimin silhouetted against a sunset that’s just his head of hair and hands outstretched in peace signs. He almost makes that one his wallpaper but decides it would be weird. Jeongguk, in turn, gets a little bolder in return and sends his own silhouette– he’s wearing a bucket hat and a large jacket on the company roof against the sunrise. Jimin tells him he looks like a blob and Jeongguk has no choice but to agree. 

A few weeks of this later, Jeongguk brings up how they met. 

Jeongguk

So u know how we met

Jimin

Holy shit

Was that like 9 or 10 months ago now

Jeongguk

Yes

But HOW did we meet hyung

Jimin

…

On that personality talking site

Jeongguk

Yeah

so... about That

Jimin (is typing…)

Jimin (is typing…)

Jimin (is typing…)

Jimin (is typing…)

Jimin

Go on

Jeongguk almost chickens out writing his response. Jimin’s text bubble had shown for so long but he only received a short message– what could Jimin possibly have been typing and deleting? Should he worry about it?

Before he has time to process, Yoongi busts into his studio. It makes him nearly jump out of his skin, the nerves of the conversation with Jimin combined with the fact that Yoongi rarely ‘bursts’ anywhere, let alone into Jeongguk’s studio without warning creating the perfect storm. His finger moves on instinct and clicks ‘send’ on the message. 

Jeongguk

Are u still too sexy for ur own good

Yoongi takes one look at his panicked face and sits down on the satiny blue futon next to his guitar stand without a word. Jeongguk wordlessly shows him the screen and Yoongi likely doesn’t quite understand the context but understands that Jeongguk said something important, something he can’t take back. He rests his hand on Jeongguk’s knee and squeezes. It’s wordless reassurance that Jeongguk appreciates, sighing as he watches Jimin’s typing bubble disappear and reappear. 

Jimin (is typing…)

Jimin (is typing…)

Jimin (is typing…)

Jimin (is typing…)

Jimin (is typing…)

Jimin (is typing…)

Jimin

This had better not be u asking for a hookup if it is i’m going to block u

Yoongi looks up at Jeongguk after reading the message and in his gruff, sincere way, checks, “Jeongguk, you know what to do right now, don’t you?” 

“Well, sure, I know what to do but I don’t know how I’m going to do it,” Jeongguk despondently counters. 

“Ok. What did you guys talk about in… the beginning?” Yoongi gestures vaguely at his phone and Jeongguk realizes just how little his friends know about Jimin, about their ‘relationship’, whatever they think it is. He resolves to invite them to dinner at his place soon to get advice and share more detail about his predicament, but now’s not the time for that. 

“We spent a lot of time recommending coffee shops and music to one another,” He muses. Yoongi gestures again to his phone which has gone to sleep in his hand due to inactivity. 

Jeongguk

Would u be too sexy for ur own good with me in [location attached] this weekend?

Dw i’ll be soooo cute 

Jimin

Wait r u serious

Jeongguk

Uhhh uh I can be joking if u want me to be we can pretend this didn’t happen 

I’m cool with that it’s cool

Yeah i understand if youre not comfortable with that 

Jimin

No.

Saturday, noon. 

[location attached]

Jeongguk

WAIT REALLY ??!?!

Jimin

Well I haven’t exactly been subtle have i

Jeongguk

Subtle about… what

Jimin

Hooboy

Subtle about how i’d love to go on a date with u

Jeongguk

mAWRBE

MAEB

MAYBE YOU WERE SUBLTE

SUBTLE

Jimin

U r just like a puppy i swear i can see ur excitement thru the screen

Jeongguk

WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD I NOT BE EXCITED

Jimin

Alright alright

And i finally get to know who you are !!

Kekeke 

Jeongguk

Jimin what if u meet me and im ugly

Jimin 

I’ll cross that prodigy when i come to it :p

Besides

U dont know if i’m ugly now do u

Jeongguk

Theres no way

Jimin

Hmm

Your confidence in my attractiveness has conviction

Jeongguk

Well with a personality like yours

Jimin

Ohohoho go on

Jeongguk

Well idk ur just ….

Jimin 

just What

Jeongguk

Idk

[image attached]

[image attached]

[image attached]

[image attached]

[image attached]

Jimin

Kekekeke

Ok ok i get it

Jeongguk

[image attached]

[image attached]

[image attached]

[image attached]

Jeongguk can’t quite describe why he’s so enamoured with Jimin. Doesn’t want to, because if he tried he’d say something it’s certainly too early in knowing each other to say. Instead he sends heart memes he finds on the internet. One of Kermit the frog lying on a bed in an oxygen mask surrounded by heart emojis as if he’s breathing them in, a stock image of an old man having a heart attack except there’s a cartoon heart where his is, a few of cats and dogs either sitting in puddles of heart emojis or eating each other’s ears and similar. He’s grateful at least that Jimin seems to understand his intent, doesn’t push for extra descriptions. He probably has a dopey grin on his face from all the silly pictures he’s sending but from the way his goofy actions had made Jimin laugh while they were calling, he wouldn’t be surprised if Jimin’s smiling too. 

He doesn’t even register the click of the door as Yoongi gets up and leaves. Evidently whatever he ran in for wasn’t urgent enough to warrant interrupting this important conversation with Jimin. 

It was a regular old boring midmorning on a Monday when he worked up the guts to have that conversation with Jimin and it’s now been transformed into a magical, memorable, magnificent monday. Jeongguk texts his group chat with Namjoon and Yoongi and invites them over for dinner on thursday evening. 

Baby Of The Group

Hi hyungs

So i realized i never told u anything abt jimin

But .    we r going on a date this saturday?

Do u wanna come over for dinner on thursday 

(Seen By: Grumpy Cat Hyung)

Beefy Bonsai Hyung 

Sure gguk

Oh and actually do you have free studio time that afternoon beforehand

Hyung went into ur studio to talk abt doing a track but u were…. Occupied

Baby Of The Group

THATS WHAT I MISSED????????

YOONGI HYUNG PLS COME BACK I KNOW YOUVE SEEN THESE MESSAGES

I WANT TO DO A TRACK WITH U SO BADLY

(Delivered: 1:18pm, Seen By: Grumpy Cat Hyung, Beefy Bonsai Hyung)

OK I JUST TALKED WITH MY MANAGER MY AFTERNOON IS NOW *FREE*

(Delivered: 1:26pm)

Grumpy Cat Hyung

Alright alright

We’ll spend a few hours in the studio then go to urs for dinner

(Seen By: Baby Of The Group, Beefy Bonsai Hyung)

By the time Saturday rolls around, Jeongguk is prepared. 

On Thursday Yoongi showed him a track he was working on that he could feature in and Jeongguk asked to see the first draft as well. It turned out to have had an interesting little riff part that he was inspired by and he jotted some notes down in his phone. If all goes well he’ll have a feature on Yoongi’s next album or Yoongi on his, plus a collaborative single they can release together. Then, over a dinner that Yoongi cooked with Jeongguk’s help, he briefly attempted to summarize his serendipitous introduction to Jimin, and their subsequent connection. 

Namjoon had set the table, placing a bouquet of daffodils in pride of place in a vase at the center. He explained that daffodils represented spring and the spring equinox, and since the weather was finally changing and it was truly becoming warm a few weeks post-equinox, he thought it might be nice to have a symbolic table decoration. Yoongi watched him with a fond smile tucked into the corners of his mouth, eyes practically dripping with honey. Jeongguk is still enamoured by Namjoon as well, loves to hear him explain things he’s just learned. Namjoon himself, oblivious to the way his words capture the attention of others, arranged the bright yellow flowers with their orange center bulbs to make the bouquet stand out best on the table. 

Yoongi had cooked them perfectly medium rare steaks and upon hearing Namjoon and Jeongguk’s elaborate compliments he flushed a delicate pink. Jeongguk had managed the ramen, and vegetables to go with the meal, and they all appreciated the combination, especially after a long day working. After the dishes were cleared they watched a documentary about the making of nature documentaries. It combined their interests– Namjoon with nature, Jeongguk with film, and Yoongi with obscure trivia in a very specific field. Then, although all of them had expressed wanting to fall asleep early, Yoongi and Namjoon wound up staying to talk at Jeongguk’s for another few hours. By the time they left Jeongguk was half-asleep on his feet, and both Namjoon and Yoongi ruffled his hair before wishing him luck on his date.

The pair left, hands intertwined. Jeongguk rubbed his eyes in an attempt to stay awake and headed to his bathroom to complete his night routine before falling into bed. 

It’s 11am Saturday and Jeongguk has been up and hyper since 8. He woke up and went on a run in the crisp spring air and then showered and put on a cream long sleeve and black cargo pants. The shirt reaches almost entirely over his butt, it’s that long, and the cloth is softened from use. He recently dyed his hair a dark brown, and he styles it so that it looks slightly wavy atop his head. He’s probably checked his makeup 15 times in the mirror by now– the foundation, concealer, light contour and colored lip balm have to look natural . 

With one last adjustment of the way his pants end just above his chunky boots, he pockets his phone, wallet, and keys and zips out the front door. His face mask matches his pants– that was easy, they’re both black– and he’s just about as physically comfortable in this outfit as he’s going to get. It’s gotten warmer out since his morning run and he thinks it’s a good thing he didn’t wear highlighter because he can feel some sweat on his brow. Whether it’s from nerves or from walking in the sunlight, he can’t tell.

The location Jeongguk volunteered for their meeting is too far from his apartment to walk the whole way so he makes his way to the closest bus stop and waits for it to arrive. When it does he gets on and takes a seat, jiggling his leg as he watches Seoul pass by through the window. The people walking on the sidewalk have no idea he’s meeting the guy he’s had a massive crush on for months. The people on the sidewalk with headphones in might even be listening to his music, with no clue that his most recent lyrics have been inspired by the very person he’s on his way to see. 

After a long, long 15 minutes sitting on the bus, filled with a tornado of nervous energy, Jeongguk hops off the bus and walks the last few blocks to the café. He didn’t bring his earbuds so he wouldn’t have to carry them but he’s regretting that choice at the moment. Music always helps him re-center himself, something he definitely would appreciate right about now. 

The café comes into view in front of him and he’s glad he at least picked a good one. The exterior is simple, the place sandwiched between an empty, nondescript laundromat on the left and a pizza place with a bright red and blue interior on the right. If anything the contrast between the café the buildings around it makes its chic design stand out more. Jeongguk takes a deep breath and walks in, hearing a bell sound on the door announce his arrival. With a quick glance around he determines that Jimin hasn’t arrived yet– he’s looking for a head of cherry-colored hair– and heads up to the counter to place his order. 

The worker, whose nametag reads, ‘Beomgyu ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ’, comes over to the register when he sees Jeongguk approach, and waits patiently for him to look at the menu. When nothing jumps out at him he remembers that he’d written a list of coffees to try, recommended by seegolds when he’d said in an interview that he preferred sweet coffees. “Could I get a white chocolate mocha with two extra shots of espresso, please? For here,” He smiles, pays, and waits for it to be ready, looking around the place now that he has nothing to do. 

It’s simple, nice. The tables and chairs are a light tan wood, and the tables are simple, with square tops supported by four legs. The floor is a dark grey tile, and it seems that the employees make an effort to keep the place quite clean, because Jeongguk sees no evidence of spills common in coffee shops. There are a good number of people in here, and the music playing over the speakers is lo-fi but upbeat, and there are a multitude of plants… all over. Namjoon had been the one who originally recommended this place to Jeongguk and he sees why. There are plants hanging from macrame holders on the ceiling, big plants in pots on the floor, and smaller ones on the counter and shelves. The only other decor on the shelves are various clay sculptures in a multitude of neutral colors. The walls are a delicate eggshell white and overall the place almost seems as if it has its own bubble away from the street and pollution of the regular world.

Jeongguk’s attention is brought back to his impending doom(date) when the soft clink of a ceramic cup signals the readiness of his drink. He thanks Beomgyu with a nod and finds a table for two near a window, taking the chair that faces the door. He takes a few sips but it’s almost overwhelmingly sweet when his stomach is in knots and he can’t take his eyes off the door. He checks the time– 12:06. Jimin’s late. He checks his messages– nothing. He opens Twitter to see if anything’s happening and sees that Yoongi posted a picture teasing his upcoming collab with IU. It’s a picture of her hands, which are decorated with what seem to be beads and a flower, and black nail polish, and she’s wearing a white outfit. He barely registers it, bookmarks it so he can look at it later and react with proper shock at how his friend managed to keep such a massive project a secret from him. 

With nothing better to do, he figures he may as well buy a small snack to settle his stomach. What would Jimin like? He approaches the counter and Beomgyu greets him again, asking what he’d like. There is a glass display case to the left of the cash register, and Jeongguk checks out the options. There are different kinds of breads, cakes and cookies, and some prepackaged drinks and sandwiches. “Three slices of banana bread for here, again, please,” Jeongguk decides. It’ll be just heavy enough to stick to his stomach without being sickly sweet, and banana bread is a decently neutral flavor. He hopes Jimin will like it, will want to share with him. After paying he brings the plate to his table. 

Jeongguk is just about to sit down when he hears the bell on the door ring, signalling that someone’s walked in. He inelegantly falls into the chair and whips his head up to check if Jimin’s arrived, and there he is. He’s backlit by the light coming from outside, because the light in the café is warm and dimmer than the full noon light streaming in from the door. Jeongguk thinks he’s seen an angel, eyes wide as he takes in Jimin, looking around the café. Presumably for him.

It takes his brain a few moments to catch up and wave for Jimin’s attention, though, because he’s dazzled. Jimin’s hair isn’t quite cherry red, it’s more of a watermelon pink, and he’s wearing a white t-shirt with thin horizontal black stripes over a pair of light wash blue jeans. He looks slightly out of breath, as if he’d walked quickly to get here, despite ending up late after all. He’s wearing a necklace, too, and Jeongguk thinks it’s the same chanel one from their call a little over a month ago. 

Jimin sees him wave and walks over, standing a few feet from the table, “You’re Jeongguk?” He sounds shocked, almost confused. 

Jeongguk doesn’t know what to do with that, “Yeah, that’s me! Jimin-hyung, hi?” He waves again, smaller. Feels silly for not knowing what to do but his brain’s short circuited. He’s lucky that the collar on Jimin’s shirt is higher today, doesn’t know what he would do if faced with more of Jimin to stare at. 

“Do I recognize you from somewhere…?” Jimin sits down in the other chair at the table and seems to be scrutinizing Jeongguk’s face. Evidently he had taken his mask off before entering the cafe because Jeongguk can’t take his eyes off Jimin’s lips. He’s so pretty… so, so pretty. Jeongguk’s eyes move from Jimin’s mouth to his nose to his hair and then to his eyes, which are currently roving over Jeongguk's mask-clad face, trying to find a connection somewhere. He takes the hint and removes his mask, absently setting it down next to his drink. When he looks up at Jimin’s face it hasn’t changed, mouth still open in confusion and blank stare directed at him as if he’s some kind of complicated math problem. “Well, you said you were in a band…” Jimin seems to conclude when he still hasn’t thought of why Jeongguk seems familiar to him.

“Uh…. uh, yeah, about that…” Jeongguk finds his voice and plunges into the explanation he owes Jimin, “I kind of AM the band…” Jimin’s brows knit and he tilts his head in a gesture that clearly means ‘please explain more’, “Do you know Rain? Or Autumn Leaves?”

The speed at which Jimin’s face lights up in recognition is almost comical. It certainly would be if Jeongguk wasn’t on the brink of insanity with nerves over whether Jimin will be creeped out. “That’s YOU?” 

“Uh, yeah?”

“Wait, oh my GOD, one of my friends is a fan I canNOT believe the guy I’ve been waxing poetic about for MONTHS is one of his favorite performers I HAVE to text him,” Jimin reaches into his back pocket for his phone but Jeongguk’s brain catches up to what he just said and he blurts, 

“Before you get your phone out, back up, you’ve been waxing poetic about me?”

Jimin’s eyes widen as if he didn’t even realize he said that and he fumbles for a response, blushing, “Yeah,” He refuses to meet Jeongguk’s eyes, instead staring at the forgotten plate of banana bread on the table. 

“Wait until you hear my friends yell at me about this,” Jeongguk rests his forehead on his hands for a moment before looking back at Jimin, unable to tear his eyes away from his face for too long. 

“About what?”

“I’ve been agonizing over asking you on a date for, like, a month now?”

Jimin buries his head in his hands for a moment, then, too, pouting, “Why did you waaaait,”

Jeongguk takes a sip of his mocha to steel himself and gather his thoughts, “You showed so much more of yourself than I did, I guess, and I just... “ he inhales with a soft hiss, wincing, one hand fiddling with the fork resting on the banana bread plate, and goes on, “I have weird rules set by my company contract, and–” Jimin rests both of his hands on Jeongguk’s one over the middle of the table, causing him to pause entirely. Jimin’s hands are colder than Jeongguk’s but they’re soft. His musings over the past few months’ of daydreams are true– Jimin’s hands are small compared to his, and his chest tightens with affection. 

“No, no, Jeongguk-ah it’s okay, I joined the app almost as a joke, and I certainly I was looking more for a personality connection over looks… this… you…” He pauses, makes sure Jeongguk is looking into his eyes to see the sincerity, the emotion there before going on, “is just a bonus… a serendipitous meeting, hm?” Jimin’s voice is soft, too, comforting. Jeongguk takes a deep breath, does his very best to not show how affected he is by Jimin’s words. He’s deeply moved by the man in front of him who so earnestly reassured him even though it’s their first meeting in person, and despite their online connection there was a part of their relationship that left them strangers until now. 

With an exhale, Jeongguk responds, “Thank you, hyung” and then stares at their hands. He so badly, so very badly wants to move his other hand from where it was fiddling with one of the clips on the side pocket of his pants but doesn’t dare. 

Jimin looks down at the banana bread right next to their hands and, almost as if it’s an afterthought, mumbles, “Oh, I should probably get something,” 

Jeongguk had forgotten entirely about his food, thoughts narrowed to the one point of contact between them, but at this he looks up to Jimin’s face and nods, immediately offering, “Let me treat you,”

“Oh? Is that how it is?” There seems to be some subtext in Jimin’s response and Jeongguk, ears burning scarlet, stands and takes one of Jimin’s hands in his own to pull him up from the table as well. Jimin goes easily and, before he chickens out, Jeongguk responds. 

“Ifyoudbeokaywithitidliketotreatyoutoday,” all in one breath. Standing, Jimin is the perfect height relative to him for nose kisses, and Jeongguk tries not to think about it too much while he waits for a response. The corners of Jimin’s mouth turn up into a sly grin and Jeongguk has a brief flashback to all the times Jimin’s been mischievous while they texted.

“Jeonggukie, say it again, more clearly?”

After a deep, deep breath Jeongguk offers, more clearly, “If you’d be okay with it, I’d like to treat you today,” and is rewarded with Jimin’s brilliant smile, the biggest one he’s received yet. His cheeks and nose scrunch up and his eyes become crescents and this is probably Jeongguk’s favorite expression on Jimin so far(not that he’s been rapturously studying all of them since Jimin arrived so he can think about them later, absolutely not). Jimin allows their hands to drop away from each other– They’d been loosely clasping hands this whole time?– to their sides and bumps his shoulder against Jeongguk’s, smile becoming softer. It almost seems as if with the force of Jimin’s first smile he was blinding the whole world, and with this one he’s offering a small piece of his happiness to Jeongguk and Jeongguk only. 

“Yeah, I’d be okay with it.” Jeongguk grins, goofy and happy, in return and Jimin heads to the register. Jeongguk trails after him like a puppy after it’s owner, and pays for Jimin’s simple iced americano. They wait in silence for Beomgyu to make his drink, standing closely enough that their shoulders are brushing. It’s torture. Jeongguk wouldn’t change it for the world. 

Back at their table, Jimin takes a sip of his americano and hums, “Wow, so you really make music? Woah…. I’m in the presence of a celebrity…” Jeongguk gives him a wry smile. Jimin’s hooked his ankles with Jeongguk’s under the table.

“It’s what I’m passionate about,” Jeongguk shrugs, “Please, just don’t treat me any differently now that you know.” He meant for it to come off in the same light, joking tone that Jimin had but the second part comes out as more of a plea. Jimin seems to get it and nods his understanding.

“I wouldn’t. Won’t.”

Jeongguk stares at the banana bread and asks, “Want a bite?” Jimin shrugs and nods, too, and starts to reach for the fork. Jeongguk gets to it first and Jimin rolls his eyes a little bit.

“If you wanted a bite first you could have just ask–” His words die in his throat when Jeongguk spears a bite of one of the sleeves with the fork and holds it up to Jimin’s face expectantly. When Jimin doesn’t respond after a beat Jeongguk quirks an eyebrow and moves it a little closer, and when Jimin eats the bite Jeongguk retreats his hand. 

“Bold move, Ggukie,” Jimin teases as he chews. Jeongguk wants to respond but his brain’s replaying the way Jimin said the nickname. Both of them are blushing, so he’s at least glad they’re on the same page with this. 

“Bold is my middle name,” Jeongguk croaks. Jimin giggles at him, hiding his mouth behind his hand. All of Jimin’s mannerisms are so attractive. Jeongguk can’t believe he’s spending time with him, mumbles it before drinking some more of his mocha. The sweet flavor coats his tongue and he finds that it’s no longer cloying, he’s enjoying its sweetness as he watches Jimin’s giggles die down.

“Mm-mm, Jeongguk, we are both so very hot and sexy,” Jimin says with a blank face. Jeongguk bursts into giggles and Jimin watches him laugh with an indecipherable expression on his face.

“Of course, of course,” he responds, with the most ridiculous eyebrow wiggle he can muster, “I’m wildly charismatic, as you know,” and then Jimin’s laughing, too. Idly as he giggles Jeongguk wishes he could be sitting should to shoulder next to Jimin so that when he made him laugh Jimin would lean onto him, but at the moment he’s content to instead have the prime place from which to look at his face. 

“Alright, I guess I have no choice but to become one of your avid fans,” Jimin dramatically fans his face, pitches his voice just a little differently, “Woah, Jeongguk, so cool, honey voice, wow, oh my goodness,” which sends them both into more laughter. 

When they’ve slowed down Jeongguk hesitantly breaks the running joke, breathes, “I’d… I’d like that” and then just stares at Jimin’s face. Jimin smiles a little and Jeongguk can see that one of his front teeth is just a little bit crooked. It’s adorable. 

“Am I really that attractive?” Jimin’s tone is light, teasing. Jeongguk doesn’t know how it’s taken Jimin so long to take note of of his staring.

With light mortification Jeongguk wonders if Jimin had known this whole time but had waited until it was painfully obvious to comment. “Well, I suppose so,” Jeongguk leans towards Jimin and stares intently at his nose so his eyes cross. 

“Alright, alright”

They start to talk about the decor, then talk some more about dance. Jeongguk refrains from commenting on Jimin’s body, thinks it would probably make him uncomfortable. Instead he references the few contemporary pieces he knows well enough to discuss, and watches Jimin’s face light up as he shares anecdotes from his nearly decade-long career as a dancer. They take turns eating the banana bread, and the level of coffee in their cups decreases slowly but surely. At one point neither of them are saying anything, instead looking out the window after Jeongguk commented that golden hour was beginning. Jimin initiates a game of footsie under the table. 

They start to use nicknames. Jimin calls him ‘Ggukie’ and ‘Jeonggukie’ and each time he does Jeongguk melts a little bit. Jeongguk, in return, tells Jimin he resembles a chick and watches in delight as Jimin’s face scrunches up. 

It seems like forever has passed, but simultaneously it’s been no time at all when Jimin’s phone buzzes and he pulls it out, sees something on it that alarms him, “Oh no, Ggukie, the time got away from us. I’m late to see my best friend, Saturdays are our weekly movie night.” He pouts and Jeongguk has wanted so badly to kiss him over the past few hours but he doesn’t, instead frowns, feigning hurt.

“Wow, picking your best friend over ME, I see how it is,”

“Awwh, you look like a kicked puppy,”

“Well, you kicked me!” Jeongguk responds indignantly, “Kicked my HEART… It’s SHATTERED,” Jimin giggles at his antics. Jeongguk realizes Jimin really does have to leave and studies his face in the late afternoon light, taking careful note of the way the light playing across his face highlights his eyes shining with amusement. He pulls out his phone, then, too, and checks the time. They’d been chatting and truly had lost time. Their cups had been empty for awhile, and it was nearing five in the evening. 

Jimin stands and brushes his hair back. Another habit of his Jeongguk’s observed throughout their afternoon. He looks absurdly good while doing it, too, and the pink shade glows in the light. It’s as if Jimin exudes an aura so vibrant he captures the attention of everyone around him even with the simplest motions. Jeongguk realizes he’s stood up too, instinctively imitated Jimin’s action. Then they’re just standing next to each other beside the table, both unwilling to leave but knowing they can’t sit back down to stay. 

Jeongguk braces himself and steps forward, closing the distance between them. He laces his fingers with Jimin’s, checks, “Is this okay?”

“This is more than okay,” Jimin responds softly, moving even nearer to Jeongguk. They’re now practically chest to chest and Jeongguk is hyperaware of the mere inches between his lips and the side of Jimin’s cheek. He rests his chin over Jimin’s shoulder without moving his arms to hug him, instead keeping his one hand’s hold on Jimin’s, fingers interlocked. For a few moments they both simply breathe. Unbidden, the thought enters Jeongguk’s head that this is what home feels like, and he lets it sink into the still, reflective lake that is his brain. He’s entirely at peace in this moment, isn’t thinking of anything in the past or future bar the feeling of Jimin tucked near to him and the warmth of the sunlight through the window on his side. 

Regretting it as soon as the words leave his mouth, Jeongguk mumbles, “You really should go see your friend,”

He feels more than sees Jimin smile against his shoulder, “I’m late all the time, he doesn’t worry.” 

Jeongguk puts on a comical tone, can’t stop his smile as he jokingly scolds, “Jimin-ssi you shouldn’t make a habit of lateness,” cackling a bit after. Jimin laughs, too, leaning almost all of his full weight into Jeongguk. It’s complete and utter bliss for that one moment, world coated in syrupy sweet shades of the butterflies in Jeongguk’s stomach slowly but steadily beating the same rhythm as his heart. 

They part naturally when Jimin’s laugh dies down, and he takes a cursory glance at their table to make sure he hasn’t forgotten anything before turning away to walk to the café exit. He’s pulled back by their fingers, which are still interlaced, and he comes back easily as a rubber band stretched and returning to its comfortable state. Easy as pie, Jimin brings their joined hands to his lips and drops a quick kiss on Jeongguk’s. Jeongguk… Jeongguk blushes from the tips of his ears to the tips of his toes and evidently makes some silly face, because Jimin takes one look at him and giggles. 

He recovers from his shock barely quickly enough to send Jimin a rakish wink, and Jimin grins widely at him in response. Without another word, Jimin pulls his hand away and heads for the front door, fingers wiggling in a cheeky goodbye before the café door closes behind him. 

Jeongguk briefly kicks himself for being too starstruck to walk Jimin out of the café, but stands there for another few minutes savoring the ghost of the kiss on the back of his hand with a dopey grin on his face. He wonders how he’s ever going to explain this to his manager.