Chapter Text
Survival is the only thing that mattered to both of them. They moved according to their sense of safety. They never truly cared about the other. They never talked.
That might be it. Mono realized, although quite doubtful.
Sitting alone in a chair was a child whose eyes are devoid of life, legs hanging loosely as he stared blankly at the concrete floor of his prison; cold, dark, and empty, a perfect reflection of what his heart truly feels.
Am I going to stay here forever?
Fear, Regret, Anger,
Am I going to be alone forever?
Confusion, Sorrow, Pain,
Do you really have to let me go?
Betrayal.
His body is cold yet his emotions are potent. He sits still like a doll but every fiber in his body trembles to the very core. Prying eyes are on every corner of the walls and he was cold, hurt, and extremely terrified, but he remained unmoving. A nightmare, he dared say, that was specially made just for him; haunting, tragic, and oddly familiar.
And he was tired. He was very much tired.
“If there is a chance to change even just a little bit of the past…” A silent voice; an excruciating plea,
“I’ll gladly take it.”
The wish of his heart.
There was a hunter below him at a distance, and he watched from afar. He caught a glimpse of a gray, shabby cardigan and heard a panicked shriek. He stood up as his heart skipped a beat.
Mono was a shy boy. He rarely spoke and often shows what he feels through his actions. Genuine or not, he wasn't sure. Or, he doesn't know. In essence, he was purely a man of action.
But then he first laid his eyes on this girl, and his heart leaped in pleasant surprise. He could see her under the bed, wary and scared. Mono fully understood her reaction since his entrance was rather unexpected on a little bit the negative side. But it wasn’t her movements that caught his attention. In all honesty, there’s nothing to see that might interest an ordinary viewer, and that’s what made it more bizarre. Mono doesn’t have any idea what made his heart beat faster all of a sudden.
Was it the sense of companionship? Of finally meeting someone who looked just like him in a world full of hideous child-eating monsters? It might. It might not. He’s been alone for so long now that he doesn’t even know what to feel. Hypothetically, he’ll be very much relieved; look more on the positive side of life now that he can have someone he can be with. And comparing it to what was currently happening, he was quite doubtful that he can exactly confirm what he imagined earlier. Strange, he thought to himself, that he could even feel a tinge of dread just by looking at her.
Albeit looking rather ordinary, there was something about her that stirred an incredibly enormous curiosity within him. It was too odd, he realizes, that he could visualize her aura as what’s and why’s revolving around her small and fragile-looking body. Quite menacing, he could say. Shocked, confused, relieved, Mono wasn’t sure, but he wanted to know. His mouth was hanging slightly open, but then his voice kept silent. Mono wasn’t even fond of asking questions, yet there he was, trying to think of what he should say first if he has the guts to.
Mono decided to trust his instincts instead, immediately letting go of the hatchet as he carefully took small steps closer towards her. His hand, although slightly trembling in astounding enthusiasm that confusingly came out of nowhere, gestured forward in a friendly invitation. “Hey… Hi…” It’s been a long time since he used his voice to speak to someone, but his words came out quiet and assuring, like a chirping bird on a warm morning. He wasn’t nervous a bit, and he even considers himself a very shy boy.
Just like his enthusiasm, a sudden surge of confidence warms his body it’s almost making him uncomfortable. Was this supposed to happen? Mono wasn’t sure at all, but then he decided to just let his instinct do its job. “D-don’t be afraid, I’m not going to hurt you.” A throb hit against his head and a weird sensation crept into his nerves, fresh and unfamiliar. It was hot, really hot, that he could feel himself sweating under the bag. Mere words left his newly acquired confidence plummeting deep into the ground, the reason Mono couldn’t even find out. It’s like his body threw out every inch of rationality the moment he entered the girl’s room, moving and feeling without his permission.
He even thought that this meeting genuinely felt like the first time. He can’t quite comprehend it, but to put it simply, it’s like the first time of the first times. It doesn’t even make any sense.
His thoughts went crashing when the girl extended her hand to reach out, and his face grew hopeful. Too hopeful that his hand moved forward a little bit quicker, the tips of his fingers brushing her slender ones feather-light, and her body jolted. She pushed him away instead.
It was awfully a familiar move, he thought, as he went off balance and landed on his bum. His instinct went up high. Quick, a voice in his head whispered, and his body commanded with no hesitation, turning around to kneel on one knee. He used his other leg, the ball of his foot, as leverage to dash forward. It only took three steps to catch up, not even beyond the shattered door, and Mono found himself grabbing her by the arm. “Hey-” And then a yelp. His hand detached immediately as she turned around and hissed, her teeth gritting venomously at the sudden touch.
A feral response is something he definitely didn’t expect from a fragile-looking girl like her. It genuinely worried the young boy, his hand faltering until it fell on his side. “I-I’m sor-” His words fell flat after she trotted away amidst his apology.
Mono watched her figure gets smaller as the distance between them grew, still appalled at what happened. Logic will scream to him that his response to her rather unforeseen behavior is completely normal. But in Mono’s case, it has become even more complex than before. Her wild side sure got him off-guard, but there was a lingering thought at the back of his head that tells him there is nothing unusual about what just happened; it's like her rather unwelcoming behavior felt exactly right. And Mono internally asked How? When it’s the first time I met her? He knew nothing about her. It doesn’t make any sense.
Did he encounter so many wolves that he finally broke his mental state and thought that a child being feral is completely normal? Mono’s not exactly sure. Then, was he the unusual one? Mono doesn’t want to know.
A quiet squeaking filled the little area as Mono pulled the wood where the rope was tied, a part of a collapsed bridge extending as he did so. He could see in his peripheral view the girl crouching a little, her knees bent forward as she prepares for a sprint, and dashed forward as the bridge was ready enough, jumping after over the abyss of a gap that could make any child’s knees tremble. Quite impressive, he thought, as he finally let go of the wood with a small smile on his face.
So this is what it feels like when you’re with someone, Mono could feel his chest warm at the thought. She was a very unusual girl, mysterious and kind of dangerous, but still a companion; someone he can interact with, even if for just a little. It was nice and assuring knowing that he’s not alone at the moment. Being the over-analyzing person that he was, he could even care less about what the future may bring as long as he has someone with him at the present. It was nice, he thought, to be lost in delight for some time like a child should normally be.
“Hey-” He stopped immediately, his hand hovering just beside his lips, a gesture for calling. His instincts acted on their own again, and this time he barely sensed it. I should really be careful. His hand fell on his side as the girl spun around and ran towards the edge. Curiosity entered his mind again, trying to imagine how on earth the girl would get him on the other side.
Her hand gripped tightly on the protruding wood of the bridge as her body leaned forward, fully relying on her weight to balance her current position as her hand extended forward and Mono had to stop his breath, his vision turning dark and hazy. He blinked, hoping that it will somehow recover his temporary dizziness, but then a completely different scenario flashed in his eyes. It’s as if time slowed down; soft gray sky turning to raging magenta. He could no longer see the pale green grass, just a broken narrow path that leads to… a door? He can’t tell. He couldn’t tell. His mind is in shambles, utterly confused.
Then he saw it. A vibrant color against the red hues; small and harmless compared to the sickening abyss below him. His clouded vision then starts to recover, very slowly, and his heart skips every second as he desperately squinted his eyes to look at the comforting shape. Just a little more, he chanted in his head for who knows how many times until it clears; frequencies, very loud ones he could feel his ears bleed, his eyes wide as every blood in his body has gone completely cold.
In a snap, he was back in the forest.
Cold sweat dripped down his temple, his hands trembling uncontrollably at his sides. Dread filled his body to the very core he could feel himself puke. And his chest hurt, very much so, like it was being pricked by thousands of needles. W-what was that? He couldn’t remember when the hell that happened. And if that truly happened, such petrifying scene would be impossible to forget. But it felt so real; too real that Mono was struck speechless, unable to even deny that such thing actually took place.
“Oi!” Mono flinched visibly at the sound, taking deep breaths as his attention finally went to the girl. Her hand was extended still, but her posture has gone lax, now down on one knee.
His head pulsated, finally noticing how the environment he currently sees strangely mirrors the one he just saw moments ago, with the girl representing as… whatever Mono saw that made every fiber of his body shrivel in fear. Wait, what?
What the hell is going on?
Mono decided to keep all these thoughts away, for now, trying to tell himself over and over that they were being chased by a crazy hunter and that it’s not the time to think of unnecessary things that aren’t real in the first place. “I’m coming!” He used the ball of his feet to sprint and jump over the gap, his hand reaching for her. She caught him and held him firmly.
As the girl pulled him up, Mono was pale as a ghost. Somehow, he felt like he was falling.
The calm air and waves of the sea did not keep Mono away from his lingering thoughts. What he saw at the broken bridge still haunts him. What was that place? What’s that thing he just saw? Is it even real? Mono could only heave out a sigh in frustration, hugging his knees and placing his right temple on top of it.
His eyes locked on the girl a few meters away from him. He’s positioned like him, except that her head was straight ahead, watching what’s in front of her with those hooded eyes.
Since the girl was so absorbed in her own little world, Mono decided to just watch her. For a short period of time, he surprisingly discovered quite a number from her just by mere watching. At first, she looked ordinary; a girl alone in a room engrossed with her music box. It has a nice melody, too, that it’s become deceiving. Who would have thought that such a sweet image hides such a ferocious child? She’s cold, cautious, and quite selfish. He doubted the girl would even let him accompany her if he was nothing of use.
And she was hostile, too. In a dark and gloomy world like this, Mono’s really capable of killing. If it could guarantee safety, even just for a bit, he wouldn’t even hesitate. Back in the forest, the hunter chased them off to a small shack. Mono would have thought it was a dead-end if not for a huge shotgun lying comfortably onto a window frame. It was a chance to escape and he immediately grabbed that opportunity.
As the gun fell hard onto the ground, his eyes went briefly to the girl. Normally, he would think that a child like her would just cower in fear and let him do what needs to be done. Yet he was not surprised at all as the girl carried the gun as much as she could, pointing it at their pursuer, and stood still as she expectantly waited for him to pull the trigger. It surprisingly very much suits her; a child who also acts on her instincts and brave enough to execute it without batting an eye. Mono could only wonder what previous horrors had the girl faced in order to survive this long.
No wonder she’s so distant.
The mist fades. Gigantic shadows emerged as they continue to move forward. We’re finally here, Mono stood up and gazed afar. Shadows turned to solid concrete, enormously tall yet bizarrely irregular. The low crumbling of rocks echoed throughout the air as they get closer, the air felt suddenly felt suffocating.
Pale city – such a dark and ominous place.
It was threatening, and he was aware of how dangerous the city is. But it’s the only way to stop the voice from calling him. He knew that there’s something in there that he needs to know; a great threat that he needs to end. He can’t exactly comprehend what was currently happening, but the only thing he knew is that there is an astounding determination within him and that he will never be at peace until he accomplished this goal he has yet to find out.
The sand almost felt comforting against his feet, knowing that the shore is probably the only safe place. Once he’s in the city, danger will keep haunting him. They will keep chasing him until his feet go numb, make him suffer until he cries blood, and keep doing it until his soul shatters. He was very much aware of how the world hated him, and how he desperately concealed his face to feel even just a bit of security from their murderous gaze. But he can’t keep hiding forever. He has to do something or else it’ll keep happening again and again.
Like a loop.
The last thought made him unbearably anxious he could feel his hands tremble again. His mind has gone blank. If this keeps going… His sanity wouldn’t be able to handle it he kept overthinking things. Mono controlled his breathing, inhaling through his nose and heaving it all out of his mouth. His trembling stops moments after, which he was thankful for, and finally noticed a foreign contact on one of his hands.
Not really much foreign as Mono realizes it was the girl’s hand.
He quickly let go, also taking a step back for extra precaution. She can be pretty harsh at times and Mono knew it well despite the short time they spent together. “I-I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to- I- Um…” He kept stuttering, shutting his eyes and cringing mentally. They do hold hand, only when it’s necessary. They almost held hands throughout their escape because it was that dangerous, and Mono’s instinct might have acted out on its own again. Embarrassing, he dared say, as he realized that his body might have sensed his fear and tried to cope, and Mono couldn’t even finish his conclusion as his face went tomato red.
“I…I’m sorry.” He faltered; every ounce of energy seemingly depleted. On the positive side, he doesn’t feel that afraid anymore. It could have been a blessing in disguise until he realized it was this girl that has become the disguise, and that he could hardly accept physical injuries as a blessing.
And the thing he has been anticipating finally happened as the girl seized him by his coat’s collar. He shut his eyes, expecting a punch or two anytime now until it never came. Instead, the girl pulled him as she walked, her grasp loosening as time pass by until she was barely holding him by the placket of his coat.
Mono almost found it endearing, to be honest, until he realized that the girl probably just pitied him. Coward idiot, he could almost imagine her voice in his head and he was once again glowing like fire behind his bag.
Having someone wasn’t as easy as he thought it should be.
There was bread lying on the ground beside him. It’s looked fine enough, and the school they just entered seemed sheltered enough. Mono kneeled down and retrieved it, turning it to each of its corners to examine it. His hand stayed still after a number of looks, and Mono’s mind suddenly drifted to a wandering thought once more.
Throughout their journey together, he was always wary of his surroundings. So far, no danger has come in their way and he was really thankful. He was fully prepared when he decided to come to this place, making sure his body is well conditioned and his mind ready to encounter the horror the city could give him. He was a survivor. He was always ready.
But suddenly, this girl came out of nowhere. He can’t fully remember how he ended up in the wilderness, and he could just get away from there since it has nothing to do with him, but whenever he decided to go away the place lures him in even more, and then he just found himself maneuvering his way to the hunter’s house as he followed the aforementioned suspicious hunter.
And when he got her, the string that kept him captive to this forest just… disappears, and he pulled her with him to go to a more dangerous place that could get them killed in an instant. She has no preparation at all.
Escaping the forest was deadly enough, but the girl didn’t even waver. She was brave and stoic, ready to hear his plans and help him without hesitation. To be honest, Mono admitted that he was a bit wary of her. She may be a companion, but she’s still a stranger. He always tells himself mentally that he had to be careful around her as well, and that he should not end up depending on her too much. If she doesn’t hesitate to kill, she can most likely capable of straight-out leaving him if convenient. She was a survivor as well, after all. In a world as dark and deadly as this, one must not trust anyone but themselves.
So far, they were helping each other because they needed each other. There were occasions when Mono had to trust her whenever she held her hand out to catch him and pull him up to the other side, and he was always anxious every time. There’s always a lingering thought at the back of his head that the girl will just let go of him, and the voices in his head practically scream at him whenever her hand got ahold of his, and then a tremendous amount of relief will wash out all his anxieties whenever she pulls him up. It was always like that and he can’t stop himself from worrying every time.
Until this certain television calls him, loud frequencies were piercing into his skull and he had to find a way to stop them. As he touched the cold surface of the screen, images swirled in his vision too many times that it made his head hurt even more. He wasn’t aware of the time that he consumed, and as the time came when he was aware again, his surroundings completely changed. Walls surrounded him, leading him to a single door with an eye on it.
As he came closer, the call becomes louder. There was dread filling all throughout his body but he cannot stop himself from running towards the door. There was a confusing desire within him that screams at him to open the door. He was almost there. He’s too close. His head seemed to become lightweight as the distance between him and the door grew shorter. A few steps and he will open the door. Five more steps, four, three…
Then he was jerked away from the door, his back hitting the wooden floor. It was a hard fall and Mono had to carefully sit up if he didn’t want to injure his side more. As he opened his eyes, the room has become darker, only the window from the side as the source of light. And the girl was standing a little closer to him, staring at the closed television with a frown on her face.
He stood up, dusting his coat as he did, and took steps closer to the television. He was stopped by his companion’s arm, tilting her head in obvious confusion.
Mono was pleasantly surprised. Did she just…? Mono’s shoulders relaxed, also quite amused as the girl bore her eyes at the television like it was the most hated thing in the world. His heart felt light all of a sudden, and he couldn’t contain the small smile that graced his lips behind the bag.
He tugged at her sleeve. “Let’s go.” She nodded as a response.
Mono smiled once again at the thought, the bread still in his hand. He wasn’t sure if the girl truly got worried for him, or that she still needed him that’s why she saved him from that time. But still, it was a dangerous situation, and she didn’t hesitate to pull him out of danger despite the risk of exposing herself to it. She risked herself to save him, and that’s what matters.
It felt nice, Mono thought, to be that important to someone for once; even regardless of the reason.
Mono finally stood up and swung around, dusting off the bread and handing it to her. “I checked it. It’s still okay.” The girl cautiously stared at the bread before she lifted her hands and accepted it. She looked at it again, quite confused in Mono’s observation, and then her attention went to him, and he can finally confirm that she was indeed confused.
Her small hands moved forward, seemingly offering the bread to him. Mono’s eyes widened, his heart skipping a beat. “N-no, I’m not hungry. You can have it.” Mono could feel his blood rushing to his face, pushing the bread gently towards her. The girl tilted her head to the side as she looked at the food again. Then she rotated it, holding it at the narrow end, and stretched her arms to offer it again. The young boy blinked, seemingly confused at what he had witnessed. “Um…” He gently pushed the bread towards her again. “I’m really alright. It’s all yours.” He was a bit hesitant at first, but he eventually gave her a quick pat on the head as assurance.
The little persuasion was the only thing the girl needed before she took a small bite of the food, nibbling shortly, then another bite. A smile grace Mono’s lips once more. It was quite a discovery that a wild girl such as her eats so clean and gently. Maybe it’s because of her quiet nature? He didn’t know. He’s not always sure about her. She has always been difficult to read. One moment she was the feral child that could bite your arm off your body, and then now she’ll be this quiet girl who’ll shyly accept the food offered to her. Such bizarre personality, it’s almost like he was with another person.
Maybe, Mono thought, Maybe you’re different from who I think you were.
“If you’re in danger,” Her eyes looked at him, mouth nibbling from now-half bread she was eating. “I’ll save you, too.” His face was getting warmer as his smile grew wide, his heart beating faster in glee.
The girl suddenly stopped, hooded eyes boring deep into his behind the waxy bag. There was no movement except the rising and falling of her chest, her face stoic as usual. Mono grew a bit anxious, suddenly conscious about his looks. “Um… Is there- Hnnggh!” Something was suddenly pushed against his lips, the bag protecting his face almost tearing due to the force. If it weren’t for his footing he would have tumbled behind and fallen on his bum. As his hand retrieved the object from his mouth with his hand, the girl was already walking out of the room.
He licked his lips, bread crumbs filling his tongue. So it was the bread… He lifted his hand to look at the half-eaten bread, brows furrowed in confusion. Her action came out of nowhere, and he made it clear that he wasn’t hungry. Is it enough for her? Doesn’t she want it anymore? Then he pinched off a part and placed it into his mouth, is it bad already? I thought it was…
His shoulder tensed suddenly, looking at the half-eaten bread, specifically at the part he nipped off with his fingers. Does she want me to…? His face grew hot again, his lips pressed in a thin line.
It was flattering, and also quite adorable on her side. Although her move was kind of rough, he was in awe for realizing it was her way of charity. A few moments ago, he thought she was offering him the food back, but no, he finally realized why she kept pushing it to him and even changed its orientation.
She wanted to share.
It was a small gesture, and Mono knew it shouldn’t be a big deal. But still, his chest felt warm. He didn’t notice it because it was something he didn’t experience before. No one has ever tried to share something with him. No one because he has always been alone, and this tiny gesture just told him that he has finally someone he can spend time with; someone who’s just a child-like him; someone like him.
Mono’s other hand went to the back of his neck as he brought the food against his lips, taking a much larger bite as he finally walked towards the door where the girl went off to.
She was so unpredictable. Mono bit back a smile.
His hand trembled while it grasped the handle of his hammer, anger rising within him as he watched the limp body of the girl hanging by her feet.
His eyes landed on the two porcelain-headed kids not too far, and his frown deepened. One of them actually saw him and even tried to taunt him.
Screw it! Mono threw his plan away and surged forward, the hammer skidding loudly against the tiled floor. The first kid swung around and gave off a threatening pose, preparing to lunge at the furious boy. But before it could even move, Mono has swiftly slammed the hammer down to its head, his body collapsing onto the ground with a smashed head. The remaining one turned around in alarm, only met with the swing of a hammer against his head.
When Mono ensured that the pair was gone for good, he moved on to the plank of wood that kept the girl hanging, connected by a rope. He smashed it down without hesitation. It only took three swings before the girl plummeted onto the cold hard ground with a loud thump.
Mono stopped and flinched after he witnessed the fall, regretting that he acted out impulsively, not even thinking too deeply of what would be the results of his actions. Idiot, he muttered within his head, trotting towards his rescued companion.
“Hey…” He gently pats her head. She flinched at his featherlight touch, and Mono was genuinely worried that she might have hit her headfirst. “A-are you-” She was frantically looking around after she sat up until her eyes landed on him, her body jolting as he recognized him.
Mono offered her his hand, “Come on, let me help you.” And she meekly accepted. He pulled her up, assisted her until she could finally get up on her feet. He examined her once more, quietly looking for injuries until he was sure she was okay.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” She responded with a nod of her head. Mono heaved out a sigh of relief. “That’s good. Let’s go then.” He held her gently by the hem of her sleeve, attempting to walk towards the slightly opened window but stopped midway when the girl didn’t move a muscle from her position, staring at him with her mouth agape lightly.
Mono raised a brow behind his bag. “Hmm? What is it?” She kept staring at him for a while until she finally turned her attention to the porcelain-headed children by the toilet. “Oh,” He scratched the back of his neck, “Yeah, I did that.” Her attention went back to him, his shoulder tensed. “I-I had to. I needed to save you.”
There was a slight tilt of her head to the side, and her eyes seemed to go a little wide as Mono could see the bottom part of her eyes. She looked confused, just like he was, and a little surprised. What could possibly surprise a girl like her? Mono didn’t know. “What is it?” She looked up, and he did as well, seeing the bent pipe she was hanged on, and Mono finally understood what she was trying to tell him.
So, she was surprised she was saved when Mono could straight up leave her in this place. Mono’s brows went up in surprise. “Why are you surprised? Of course, I have to save you. I just told you not so long ago, right?” It kind of hurt that the girl could think of him that way, but her surprised face was too funny to ignore. He let out a small chuckle. “I can’t just leave you here, you know.”
Mono’s shoulder relaxed again, his fingers still grasping the hem of her sleeve. She was still staring at him, now in her usually stoic face, and kept her feet firmly on the ground. Wanting to break the silence that might end up awkward, he slightly tugged on her sleeve. “Let’s go.” He flashed a smile despite the bag on his head.
Her attention went to his hand, staring at it for a few seconds until she pulled her sleeve off his touch and casually held his hand instead.
Mono’s shoulders shot up in alarm, jumping visibly as he felt the contact. “O-oh! Um…” His face was starting to get warm again, his other hand on the back of his neck. “Y-yeah of- uh- of course-” He squealed as her hand squeezed his', and the color in his face has gone vibrant tenfold. “L-let’s gO- go! Y-yeah, right. Let’s u-um- go...” He could hear her chuckling under her breath. Mono could almost feel himself faint.
Mono found a nice yellow raincoat lying on the ground. It was small but very much usable. Just perfect, a small victorious smile plastered on his face. This could definitely fit her.
“Hey, I found something that might be useful to you.” His wrist swung up and down, telling her to come closer. She came in the room wet and shivering, hugging her body to provide even a little bit of comfort. The scene caught his attention quickly, a mild sinking feeling surging throughout his chest. He didn’t notice how cold she was, nor realized she was just in her shorts and cardigan before dashing through the rain. Maybe, Mono thought, it was because his mind was too occupied on escaping from the monstrous teacher’s unwavering gaze that he, Mono mentally flinched, kind of forgot her state.
His fingers twitched for a second before clumsily grabbing the nylon off the ground. He shook the dirt off and slid his palms onto the fabric neat. He was doing it more than necessary and might have looked ridiculous, but it’s the least he could do for her. “Here, it’s all clean.” Her trembling hands, who are reaching for the fabric, did not help get rid of his guilt at all. Stupid Mono, he mutters in his head.
It fit her like a glove. It ended just above her knees with her shorts safely concealed. Her legs are still exposed, but at least her upper body is safely secured. It’ll warm her up more than before.
“Ah wait-” His hand shot to her hair, smoothing out the hair sticking out of place. She seemed calm about it, letting him comb her hair with his fingers.
He was getting used to it; his suspiciously-came-out-of-nowhere confidence. There were times that it made him doubt his sanity, which is ridiculous, but then he would just have to look at the girl in front of him and everything felt somewhat justified. He kind of expected to be more silent and self-contained in the presence of anyone else. He very much considered himself a really shy boy. So, it was really a surprise that he could somehow express himself a bit better than before. As a matter of fact, it actually felt nice.
His hands went to the hem of the hood on each side of the girl’s face. “Alright, let’s cover your head with…” The hood folded over her head, enough to hide half of her face. “…this.” Mono’s hand froze, still grasping the sides of the hood framing the girl’s face. The place went quiet; the pitter-patter of rain against the concrete ground fades, and the room became cold. The longer he gazed at the hooded face of the girl, a distant chiming sound becomes louder. It was there, at the back of his head. Crawling closer as it waited for the time passing by.
His heart beats faster all of a sudden, his breath becoming a little ragged. His peripheral vision melted into waves, slithering as it framed the suspiciously-clear image of the girl. Then a hum, matching the chiming sound that kept playing at the back of his head. They were all getting louder, more prominent, and Mono was unable to do anything but stay frozen in his spot, cold sweat dripping down his temple.
Make… Make it stop. Mono begged within his head.
It stopped.
A gasp hitched in his throat, the place becoming eerily quiet all of a sudden. His hands were still on the hood, grasping as if his life depended on it.
He finally noticed the girl, her face more covered than before. His shoulder relaxed a bit just as his hands were. “O-oh I’m sorry.” His grip loosened more, “I spaced out-” She looked up at him, one of her eyes revealed between her bangs.
It pierced into his eyes, and the world quivered. A flash of magenta; hazy sounds of frequencies, hushed voices, and chiming melodies; crumbling walls, judging eyes, static noise, and a misty shadow.
Cold and hollow eyes.
“Oi!” A scream almost left his lips if it wasn’t for the early interruption of his companion. He was panting, his lungs taking as much oxygen as the air could give him. It started deep until it slowed down and Mono became aware of his surroundings. The air felt naturally cold again, and the sound of rain from the background came back. His trembling hands, which he only recognized after he’s calmed down, diminished until they stayed still on the hood of the girl’s raincoat.
“I…” His hand finally let go of the hood and stayed at his sides. “I’m sorry. I was… thinking.” She only tilted her head sideways, puzzled.
Mono bit his lip in exasperation. His imagination was getting out of hand and only gave him unnecessary physical and mental stress. His instinct was not helping at all, especially if he had no idea of what the hell is even going on. It was becoming frustrating even more. A few moments ago, he was proud and confident, the next thing he knew he was anxious and tense. If this continues, Mono might really believe that his sanity is slipping away. Maybe the horrors had finally gone to his head.
NO! Mono shook his head violently, throwing all the negative thoughts out of his head. He can’t be crazy, and he can’t surrender now. He has gone so far. It’s too late to back down now. And besides, he’s in a really mysterious and dangerous place. It’s possible that they may be the ones manipulating his thoughts. They’re deceiving him. Right! Of course, he can’t be wrong for this one. He’ll never let them win.
A rough tug on his coat sent his thoughts flying out of his head. Although hidden behind the hood, he could somewhat recognize a frown plastered on her face. Mono’s shoulders shot up, alarmed and now fully aware that he was not exactly alone while he tried to fight with himself moments ago. “O-oh! I’m sorry! I was just… thinking.” He could practically see her mouth tug down, seemingly more annoyed. He flinched, realizing that he just repeated what he last said to her.
“Ah- um…” I’m sorry! Mono was hopeless. He couldn’t think of anything to say other than an apology. There was really nothing to say, anyway. He couldn’t explain what he just witnessed before since he had no idea what was even happening. All he knew is that… Is that…
Mono blinked, stunned. He can’t remember anything.
He stared at the girl in front of him. He could vividly remember how terrified he was when he looked at her with her hood on. But… why? The more he thought about it, the hazier it becomes.
This is ridiculous. He shook his head, this time mentally, and heaved out a deep sigh. So maybe it was the place that’s deceiving him? Mono wouldn’t know. But this time, he’ll be more careful.
He took the young girl’s hand. Her head shot up at him, caught off guard. Her response surprised him as well, fully realizing that he just impulsively acted out again, but then went on with it. He was quite thankful he has the bag on his head to hide the disappointment and embarrassment plastered currently in his face. “Let’s just go.” His voice was a little shaky, and he hoped the girl didn’t notice.
He hopped out onto the floor in haste. One of the wriggling hands almost seized his coat. The wood creaked loudly against their movements but Mono didn’t dare look behind, his feet already moving forward to his goal; the fuse. It didn’t show in his face, but he was mildly anxious about what he might see if he decided to take a peek and distract him by overthinking unnecessary situations again.
Besides, his mind and the fast-paced beating of his heart already tells him that he has experienced something like that before that Mono can’t put his finger on. But never mind, Mono thought, because there are far more things that are more important than trying to figure out anything that could only get him distracted and then killed.
He jumped onto the lever, the fuse ejecting out of its place. Mono wasted no time and retrieved the object from the ground, already seeing the girl crouched down behind the steel bars in his peripheral vision. He could still hear the movement a distance behind him, plastic squeaking with each motion. He momentarily shut his eyes, took a deep breath, and ran towards the closed door as he ignored the noises.
He threw the fuse without warning, the object hitting the iron bin with a loud clang. The girl swung and stood on high alert, her arms forward and hands clawed. Her face was contorted into a ferocious scowl. “Oh-! Easy there, it’s just me.” The girl relaxed as she recognized him, her face going back to its stoic one. “I-I’m sorry.” He muttered quietly, scratching the back of his neck in mild embarrassment as he did so.
The door opened with a loud buzz. He immediately went out, almost running in haste. That caught the girl’s attention, somewhat confused and mildly surprised. Her upper body tilted slightly, peeking. Mono was confused as well, following her gaze, and then tensed up. His head swung back in a flash. “I think we shouldn’t stay longer.” The girl slowly straightened her posture and watched him swing his head left and right, looking for the fuse in mild distress.
He pulled the fuse out, the door buzzing close, and ready to dash out when a forceful tug stopped him from his tracks. It was the girl, her small and slender fingers gripping the sleeve of his coat. Her face was impassive, as usual, but her lips were slightly pressed together.
His brows raised in surprise. Is she… upset? Mono doesn’t know, yet somehow, he could feel she was.
Mono bit his lip, contemplated for a few seconds, but then decided to just try. “H-hey…” The girl's head slightly perked up, her lips relaxing into their usual flat line. She was hopeful, Mono could actually feel it despite her expressionless face.
His eyelids dropped and his gaze lingered longer. It’s so scary in there! He wanted to tell her. He wanted to tell her what happened inside. But up to this moment, they never truly conversed. It was hard doing the initiative because he was never good with words. They will only communicate when they need to, and they barely even talk. He never even heard her say a word yet except for the occasional ‘hey’ and ‘oi’. He genuinely wanted to share some of his thoughts, and even hear some of hers. She was the first one he ever had, after all.
They have shared several moments together. She was cold and selfish, but as they journey together, he could tell she was getting used to his presence. Her apprehensiveness was fading bit by bit. It’s almost as if they’re friends.
His heart throbbed loudly, his defenses slipping away. M-maybe it wouldn’t hurt to try…? his palms felt clammy against the metal, but he went on anyway. “Um… You see…” He murmured gently, his face getting a little warmer. “Inside… It was…” The girl leaned closer, seemingly interested in what he was saying, and his chest felt a little bit tighter. “It was… I was…” He tried to look at her eye to eye, wanting to push himself more. It was at this moment that Mono wanted his out-of-nowhere confidence to show up, make use of the situation, but he knew it was impossible. The aforementioned confidence can only be manifested through his actions. He was never confident with words, specifically about sharing his feelings. He only talked when he had to.
B-but it wouldn’t hurt to at least try a little more, right?
Mono turned around fully, facing the girl directly. “Y-you wouldn’t… believe what I saw inside.” His head bowed down, unable to look at her in the eye. The sharing itself almost burned his face on fire.
“Um… There were…” The girl was waiting patiently, leaning even more closer.
He panicked. She was never this close to him. “T-there were m-many-” She’s too close, his mind was blank, and his heart was beating too fast he was almost panting.
She mustn’t have heard him, so she tried to remove the paper bag.
“No!” He yelled in panic, pulling the bag back down in a swift. It caught the girl off-guard, her hand hovering beside his head.
In frantic, he rushed out of the hallway, leaving a stunned girl behind.
He sprinted before he jumped, his hands reaching for the girl’s one on the other side. She pulled him up immediately, the metal floors of the balcony creaking below them.
He caught her looking at him after dusting his clothes off, wherein she subtly turned her head away after. Mono looked down, frustrated and embarrassed. The air becomes more awkward each second, with them just standing there and doing nothing.
There were many things he wanted to say. Are you alright? Are you hurt? I’m sorry for earlier, Thank you for your help… These were just mere words, yet he couldn’t find a way to just say it or even blurt it out. And to make it worse, Mono assumes, is that she’s trying to communicate with him. It may not look like it, but she was also trying her best, albeit quite roughly and impetuously, and all he did was push her away.
Except for that, whenever he looked at her, there’s always this dreadful feeling at the pit of his stomach, especially when images-
He shut his eyes firmly, eradicating all his current thoughts. He swore to himself that he will not abide by the evil forces of the city. What he needs to do is to fix whatever the problem in him that constantly troubles him, especially regarding the girl in front of him.
He opened his eyes again. His gaze slowly went to the girl. She was standing fairly close to him, yet she felt really far. Mono wouldn’t admit it to her, not even in a million years, but he knew he grew attached to this girl. She was a little odd, but he knew he liked her. The place even felt a little better whenever she’s with him. When she’s beside him, he was relieved. And every time they hold hands, the surroundings seem to blur, and she’s all he could see. It was a strange yet pleasing experience.
And if he let the city trouble his thoughts and keeps acting like a coward, he’ll destroy everything that they built up together up until now.
He pressed his lips firmly into a thin line, clenching his fists. He wouldn’t want that; not after all they’ve gone through.
His eye caught her small yet fast movements. She was moving away, ready to climb the stairs. His hand reached out involuntarily. “Ah-” he pulled his hand back in surprise, slightly panicking inside when she turns her head towards his direction, her face stoic as usual. He tried not to break eye contact despite the strong urge to.
She was waiting for him, her hand grasping the ladder beside her. They’re a little far from each other, but It’ll suffice. All he needs to do is show her what he feels.
But… how?
He shook his head violently, Ah, screw it! He was tired of thinking and making things more complicated when he’ll just have to say what’s in his mind. So, the first thing he did is to bow down, his upper body horizontally straight. “I’m sorry for being rude and coward and everything that made you upset!” He said it all in one breath, his eyes shut tight and face red as a ripe tomato. “And I… And I…” His face was so hot he could feel himself faint.
The metal creaked below him, his eyes shot open in alarm. He could see her feet through the holes of his paper bag. “Ah-” His body straightened up in a flash, face to face with the girl.
He can’t help it; he bowed his head down to look away, suddenly bashful and conscious, but he didn’t back away. He kept his feet firm against the ground, his hand fiddling with his key holder. “And I a-also…” He decided to keep going despite his mind telling him to shut up. “…wanted to t-thank you for…” He took a glance at her, her face the same impassive expression, and then looked down again. “…for all the help y-you’ve done for…” His face was very hot he almost wanted to take off his mask. “…f-for me.” He silently heaved out a long breath.
It was the most words he has spoken to someone in his life and Mono wasn’t sure if he would want to do it again. It gave him too much exhaustion for some reason than just trying to show what he wanted to say through his actions. And now that he’s done, the anxiety of waiting for her response was ridiculously strong that his chest could explode anytime. Will she say anything? Ignore me? Maybe push me off this balcony, instead? Just thinking the last idea drained all the blood from his face.
He was interrupted by a pat on his head.
He raised his head and watched her already heading towards the stairs again. He stood there with both of his hands on top of his head, the paper bag crumpling slightly as he did so. Somehow, he could still feel the lingering touch on his head, soft and featherlight, something rare from someone like her who’s often rough and feisty. That was a good thing, right? Mono thought with a wishful look on his hidden face.
The girl approached him again, his body freezing as he watched her, and held him by his hand to pull him with her. It was startling, but he was relieved.
How did it come to this…?
He shielded his face when the screen of the television he just got out of exploded into many pieces. The shards scattered around him, his exposed skin vulnerable from piercing and scratching, but he didn’t care. Gaining numerous wounds or even spilling all his blood is not comparable to the pain and frustrations welling up inside him.
He didn’t mean to leave and let the tall man get her. It all happened too fast. He thought her hiding spot was fairly good, too. She may be too close to the man, but at least she was well hidden. He thought he would search what’s under the bed first since it’s the most obvious hiding spot, but he sensed her first. The girl knew she was exposed so she tried to get away. She failed and was seen, yet she still reached out to him. She looked right at him, her hand outstretched, but he stayed hidden. He wanted to help her, to save her, but he can’t because he was scared, and his head was throbbing violently. The presence of the tall man was splitting his head apart, and if he tried to get out, he’ll get him too. He can’t do anything. He’s just a child.
But that doesn’t mean he wanted her to get caught. He was too occupied with his fears that he unintentionally put her in danger. And he regretted it all. After seeing her glitch remains, he knew he should have saved her instead, regardless of the risk. She didn’t deserve it. She was in the city because he dragged her in anyways.
His head felt like it was spinning. He was dizzy and tired. He was very much disappointed in himself.
And strangely enough, his frustrations almost felt like he had done this mistake before.
Despite the overwhelming strain in his body, he stood up and kept moving. There was no reason to stay and sulk in the corner, he had to do something. He needed to fix this. The girl is not dead yet. Unless he sees her dead body, he won’t truly believe that there’s nothing he can do to save her.
He jumped down onto the floor and headed to the door. He was inspecting the cracks in between the chipped wood when he heard a distant tapping of glass. His head spun around in alarm, and then he saw her. She was there, knocking on the television screen from the other side, asking for his help. Mono heaved out a deep breath, relief washing throughout his body. She’s alive and well. That’s all the assurance he needed to keep moving forward. Now all he needed to do is just do it.
He dashed towards her with steel resolve. He won’t let anyone get her again.
His desperate calls filled the ominous place. A wild shriek was her response, flailing her abnormally bent arms, aggressively trying to locate him. It was terrifying, exhausting, heartbreaking, but he had to do it if it meant saving her.
He was in distress. The hazy images he saw during their journey matched the current environment he was in. The memory went back to him the second he entered the tower, albeit vague and blurry. He was right; the city was the one responsible for the deception. But why? Why would they let me see something that might help me defeat them? The visions might be blurry, but it still helped Mono specially to this confrontation. He could only imagine how more stunned and stressful he was if he never anticipated a place such as this.
He strangely knew what he needs to do, passing through mysterious and bizarre doors that lead to illogically possible paths with the girl’s music box as the main target. He kept evading her murderous attacks, gripping the handle of his axe with all his might and focused entirely on his goal. He was frightened, but he wouldn’t let this fear consume him. He has a friend to save.
His axe struck the music box, its loud clang vibrated throughout the crumbling place, and the world quivered.
Cold and hollow eyes. It was her all along.
The city was not deceiving him. It was foreshadowing. She was going to betray him, and she successfully did, and now he was stuck in this place for who knows how long.
There’s no escape. There were no exits. How could he possibly get out of this place? He can’t use his powers inside. It’s as if all of it was repelled by the tower. What should he do? What will happen to me?
He was preoccupied with his thoughts, filling every corner of his mind with possible ideas, then after trying to piece one to another, his blood froze in an agonizing realization. A chair, a door with an eye in front of him, and an empty room. He had already seen it. He could very well picture what was outside the door. A very long hallway; the same ones he kept running on whenever he entered the televisions. And at the end of it stood the same door, where the voice kept calling him; a voice that desperately demands to free him. It was the voice of a man who was held captive by the same room for too long.
It was him. He was the tall, thin man.
He wanted to be mad. He wanted to scream and let his burning emotions reach the girl who betrayed him. The only person he cared for. But it hurt; it hurt too much that he can’t stay angry at her. He knew it was the worst-case scenario. The idea meant everything was a loop, and he will experience it for as long as he existed. And the very reason he was here was because of her, because she betrayed him, and that she will always do it every time. But he can’t help it. He just wanted her back. Despite all the things she had done, he just wanted to see her again. If she came back and apologized-no. If she would just explain everything to him, of why she left him, it will be fine. He won’t demand any apologies. All she needed to do is come back. Please, come back.
She will never come back.
Because it was never enough. He was never enough. Throughout their journey, there might be something, but not too special for her to hold on to. He felt strongly for her, but their bond was too weak. He failed to let her know what he felt because he was a coward; a coward who could only express himself through his actions yet still failed to do so. He was pitiful; too much that Mono could only do was smile bitterly to himself.
If he was truly the thin man, then they will meet again. And when that moment comes, he’ll tell her how he feels, even if it meant being killed by his other self.
For now, he’ll just have to wait.
The moment has come. He captured her, confessed that he was the boy she’s been with all this time, even changed back to his child form, and poured all his emotions to her, but all she did was run away afterward. Who wouldn’t? He was a monster in everyone’s eyes, including her.
He pulled her in again. She almost got out of the television. She was flailing her arms around her, punching and biting his finger. It hurt. It hurt to see how she despised him; of how she wanted to get away from him. Especially when she’d seen him with her own eyes as Mono, not as the thin man. The situation is complicated, as there are literally two of him existing on the same timeline, but he can’t help feeling down and disappointed. The girl he was holding is the same girl he met several years ago, after all.
But she’s back. It wouldn’t hurt to change some of his plans. If she stayed a little longer, she might understand his feelings; might finally understand him, even if for a little longer. The only problem is if his other self will let him. He was a child with the sole goal of saving this girl. If Mono could kill his timeline’s thin man, then his other self could very much kill him anytime. But he could still try. He had to try.
He gazed at the little girl in his hand. If only she knew how much she means to me.
He gave her a music box to calm her down, the same ones he destroyed several years ago. It was surprising how an object could tame her. She held it like it was her most prized possession. Does she even remember him? Mono huffed. Of course, not. The Mono she knew would be the one who’s currently doing all his might to save her; risking his safety just to get her back. All that and he still wouldn’t be treated like the music box she was currently holding.
Because he was truly never enough.
Mono went into the television. On the other side, he saw his child self; despite the paper bag, he could clearly see the fear in his eyes. But he knew better. He may be scared, but his determination is burning like wildfire.
Just this once, Mono glitched forward, slowly approaching the child.
Listen to me.
It was tragic, Mono thought as his body disintegrates, that even in the end, he couldn’t do anything at all.