Archive of Our Own

"Yahoo! It's been a while, Hi-fu-mi!~" 

A sickly sweet voice that only carries words filled with venom. Hifumi would be able to recognize her even in his final moments. No matter how hard he has tried to forget it, that voice always comes to haunt him in his worst moments. 

He takes a deep breath and thinks that she's only another customer. He'll never consider her a lovely kitten, but he can think of her as someone who has come here to have a good time. 

It takes him a while to fully convince himself to think about her like that, and even a fellow host starts to worry about him, but somehow he manages to keep his act and approaches her. 

He's Shinjuku's number one host. He's just going to do his job. 

"Don't treat me like a stranger!~" Honobono fake whines with a pout. "We're old friends after all, right?" 

She intertwines her arms around his in a playful and overly-friendly way. It makes Hifumi feel sick to his stomach. He wants to push her away as far as possible. He wants to run away. 

He takes a deep breath again and steels his nerves. He has changed. He's Shinjuku's number one host. He can do this. 

It seems like she only came here to torment him after all. As soon as she notices that things are getting in her way, she commands the owner to get everyone out of the club, threatening to revoke his business license if he refuses. 

To see her threaten Fragrance's owner sends a shiver down his spine, but it's kinda nice to hear her drop that sickly sweet tone. Still, the fact that she's working for Chuuoku is worrying. 

She was already very cruel when they were just high schoolers. To think that she now has more power and works for the criminal investigation bureau… 

"What do you want?" 

"C'mon!~ Do I need a reason to visit a friend?" 

Since only the two of them are here he can drop part of his act too. His blood boils at her words. Friends? After all the things she had done to him? Hifumi can't stand her playing dumb any longer. 

"Do you think we're still friends after all the things you did?" Hifumi asks as icily as he can. 

Did she really deprive everyone here of a fun night, just to play dumb and toy with him?  

"What did I do? That was so long ago, so I don't remember~" Honobono says simply, faking innocence. Hifumi is doing his best to keep his cool, but she's really testing him at this point. How could she have forgotten all the things she had done to him? "You mean what I did to your mother? Or maybe what I did to your sister?~ Ah! There's also what happened at school, right?~"

No. 

Nononononononono.

Stop it!

Anything, but that. He doesn't want to remember those things. She hasn't even mentioned the details, but vivid memories of what happened come back involuntarily to him. 

People he cared about, people he trusted…

Glasses shatter and so does his reality. The magic spell that he spent so many years working on comes completely undone at her words. 

For a moment he really thought that he would be able to confront her. But he can't keep this up. He doesn't want to keep this up. He just wants to disappear, to be insignificant enough so she would leave him alone. 

Fear engulfs his body and breathing becomes difficult. He's gonna die. He's gonna die . His heart pounds hard, begging him to run, to get away from here if he wants to keep living. But he can't do anything. He no longer has control over his body. 

He wants to speak. He wants to tell her to go away. He wants to ask for help. Doppo, anyone , he can't do this alone, he needs someone to lean on to. But words just won't come out of his mouth, only screams. 

He almost feels like a baby, helpless and powerless. Hoping that someone, somehow will understand his cry for help and will come to save him.

How could he think that he was Shinjuku's number one host? He's still just a scared boy. 

"Hifumi!" 

Doppo? 

His mind is all boggled and he can't register his surroundings very well, but that was Doppo's voice, wasn't it? 

He keeps hearing it, and Honobono's voice too. Doppo is really here? 

His mind isn't playing tricks on him, right? 

Before he can keep doubting himself, Doppo rushes to him. 

"Are you okay?!" Doppo asks, looking extremely concerned. The last time he had seen that expression on his face was when he had been stabbed… 

He looks all sweaty and disheveled. Doppo must have run as fast as he could to get here. 

Still, his heart aches a little with guilt. He's sorry for letting Doppo down. He has been rooting for and supporting him through all these years, but all his efforts were in vain. Hifumi worked so hard and even so he couldn't confront her. He couldn't do anything at all. 

Is it right for someone as weak as him to be rescued? 

Despite everything, he still clings onto him like a lifeline. He wants this nightmare to end. He wants to be strong enough to end it. 

Doppo pulls him closer to his chest and strokes his hair. Hifumi relaxes a little under his touch. A little solace in this terrible nightmare. 

Even when Doppo's arms are shaking with rage, his embrace feels like home. 

Everything seems hopeless, but deep down he wants to keep on dreaming. He can't believe in himself right now, so he needs someone to tell him that all the things he had done weren't in vain. 

"Hifumi, you aren't weak!"

How come he always comes to his rescue when he's at his worst? 

"But he broke down so quickly, doesn't that make him weak?~" 

Doppo really loses it at her words. He lashes out in his defense with an anger that he's been carrying since she decided to ruin Hifumi's life. Anger that has grown over time after seeing how deeply Honobono had hurt him. 

Before taking out his mic and departing from his side, Doppo puts his hand on Hifumi's shoulder. 

While Doppo's verses are full of anger, he doesn't lose himself to that emotion. There is control on his voice that comes from a need to protect. If he loses himself to his feelings he might go all out and go down with her too, and while that may be nice, leaving Hifumi alone is out of the question. 

Still, Honobono looks completely unfazed by Doppo’s attacks. How is that even possible? Doppo didn't go all out, but his attack wasn't weak at all. 

Did he miss something while trying to pull himself back together? Before Hifumi can ponder what happened, Honobono takes her turn. 

To hear that sickly sweet voice talking bad about Doppo… Who does she think she is? She doesn't know a single thing about Doppo. Despite oftenly being treated like trash by his company, Doppo remains as kind and gentle as he has always been. None of what she's saying is true, Doppo is the strongest and most patient person he knows. 

Regardless of what he thinks, she's strong. It's really frightening to see how powerful Honobono has become. Just one hit from her and Doppo is already on the ground.

Hearing Doppo scream in pain breaks his heart. How did things end up like this? He couldn't do anything and now Doppo is hurt because of him… 

"It's already over?~ It must be true that weak people are drawn to each other~" 

Stop it! 

It's almost ironic how Honobono's mockery is what brings him back to his senses. 

This has always been between the two of them, but Hifumi knows from experience that she won't stop. It doesn't matter to her if Doppo can't keep fighting. She’s aware of how much it hurts Hifumi to see him like this while he's powerless, so it only means more fun for her.

Get away from him!

Before he knows it, Hifumi stands up and places himself in front of Doppo. It's almost like a natural instinct for him. It doesn't matter if he's at his worst; if Doppo is in trouble, he'll rise up for him. It's almost like a primal urge for him. 

His legs are trembling - is it from fear or from anger? That doesn't matter; as long as they don't give out, he'll be fine. 

Fear quickly becomes determination. It doesn't matter if his armor has been shattered. He won't cower in fear while Honobono hurts someone dear to him again. 

"It's okay, Doppochin. I can do this."

This time, it's his turn to protect Doppo. 

In the end they weren't able to win against her. Even with Doppo at his side, they weren't able to even scratch her.

Still, even if his main goal was to protect Doppo, Hifumi confronted her. Alone. His legs trembled and his heart felt like exploding from fear, but he didn't run away. He might not be able to do this by himself yet, but that's fine. He doesn't need to do this alone, as he has friends that will support him all the way. There's strength in their union and there's nothing shameful in relying on it. 

Before going home, they stopped at the hospital. Hifumi didn't even notice that he had cut his hand when the glasses broke. He was way too terrified to even feel pain at that point. Doppo had asked him plenty of times if he was alright and Hifumi had always replied that he was fine. Although, it felt more like he was saying it to himself. He needed to reassure himself that he was fine. He needed to reassure himself that, despite tonight's events, he would be able to continue with his life as always. 

"You can take it off, " Doppo says softly as he takes off his shoes. “It’s okay. We’re home.”

When Doppo goes through some hard times, he just verbalizes everything that's going on inside his head. Hifumi, on the other hand, just clams up until he can't take it any longer and breaks down.  

Doppo… his loyal and fierce knight. Always coming to his rescue, even when Hifumi doesn't know that he needs it. 

His armor is broken, so he needs to take it off to repair it. He also needs to take care of the wounds that Honobono had inflicted on him tonight. 

He needs to drop his façade.

A part of him doesn't want to do it, which is weird, since he's finally home. He hesitates for a while before raising his hands to take off his pendant. Jewelry first. One little step at a time. 

Doppo catches his tired hands softly. "May I?" 

"... Yeah."

He takes off his pendant slowly, almost reverently, placing it carefully on the entrance's jewelry holder. Then, he proceeds to take off his necklace in the same way. It reminds Hifumi of when Doppo tended his wounds and comforted him when they were kids. 

When Doppo takes off his jacket, Hifumi feels like a kid whose comfort blanket has been taken away, ready to burst into tears at any moment. 

But that would be weird, right? Because he's fine. Nothing really bad happened. Quite the contrary, for the first time in his life he didn't run away from her and he's determined to keep that up. 

He survived. 

Then, why does he feel like exploding? 

"Wanna sit down?" Doppo asks him softly, taking his hand. 

"You haven't had dinner yet…" Hifumi points out, sounding tired. 

His boyfriend must be hungry and tired. He doesn't have to sacrifice his dinner time for him. As long as he gives it some time, he will be back to his cheerful and bright self. Doppo shouldn't worry so much. 

"I wouldn't be able to enjoy it knowing that you aren't feeling well," Doppo replies simply. However, the honesty in his voice is what breaks the last part of Hifumi’s façade. 

As soon as they're on the sofa, he throws himself into his boyfriend's arms and starts crying. In Doppo's arms he's safe. In Doppo's arms Hifumi can crumble down with no worries or shame. He just holds him gently without saying anything, allowing him to let out all the emotions that he has been keeping down. 

"I was so scared," Hifumi says between sobs. "Before you came, I wanted to run. I wanted to disappear… I wanted to ask for help, but I couldn't control my body… I couldn't even speak. I really felt like I was gonna die."

He's exhausted, he's sad, he's upset. And this isn't even nearly over. Honobono said that she'll see him again. As always, when it comes to her, his feelings or thoughts don't matter.

Still, even if it isn't a decision of his own volition, he doesn't care. He won't run away from it. He'll face her as many times as it takes, until he emerges victorious. 

"I won't stop trying," he continues, holding Doppo more tightly this time. "But I did my best, Doppochin. I never stopped looking at her eyes when I went against her… But even so…"

He wasn't able to do anything. 

"It's so frustrating!"

There. He said it. His resolution doesn’t change the fact that he’s extremely frustrated by how this night went. Honobono appearing at the place where he worked so hard to overcome his phobia felt like cruel irony from destiny. Especially when tonight the owner of Fragrance decided to appear… Hifumi had been so happy to see him again, but sadly, he ended up being an invaluable pawn in her wicked game.  

When he felt like he had the situation under control, she reminded him of what she did. When he mustered the courage to fight her, he wasn't able to do anything on her. 

"I wanted to see her again, but on my own terms…" 

Hifumi no longer thinks of himself as someone weak, but that doesn't change the fact that the fact that she still has the upper hand with him makes him upset. 

Hifumi goes silent after that and Doppo just strokes his hair softly, holding him like he's the most precious thing in the world. Words aren't necessary this time. There is comfort in the silence and, little by little, Hifumi starts to feel calmer. 

Deciding to not run away doesn't mean that he has to move forward relentlessly. Taking breaks and acknowledging his feelings doesn't mean that he's falling behind. 

Once he feels calmer, Hifumi separates himself from Doppo, wanting to remind him that he should eat. Only to find how wrinkled and wet he has left Doppo's shirt. "Sorry, your shirt is a mess now…" 

"That doesn't matter," Doppo says reassuringly as he stands up. "Want some water?" 

"Yeah, but I can drink while you have dinner, Doppo." Hifumi stands up too, following him into the kitchen. "Seriously, it's getting really late. You must be hungry."

"Okay, okay," Doppo replies, giving him a glass of water anyway. Hifumi only accepts it once he has put Doppo's plate on the microwave. 

Once he drinks it all, he turns on the kettle and starts to set the table for the two of them. 

"Hifumi, I…" Doppo mumbles, sounding conflicted. Hifumi looks at him quizzically, so he takes a deep breath before continuing. "I'm sorry for not being strong enough." 

"Huh?" 

"Keitouin took me down so quickly…" Doppo explains slowly, looking to the ground, probably feeling guilty. "I couldn't do anything to stop her… I couldn't do anything to help you." 

"Hey, you came for me," Hifumi interrupts him softly, hugging him and burying his face against his neck. "That's more than enough for me."

"Is it really enough?" 

"Of course," Hifumi says without missing a beat, hugging him tightly. "You always appear to save me when I'm at my worst. You really are my knight in shining armor, Doppochin."

"Y-You don't have to put it like that."

"I'm just saying the truth~" Hifumi replies, a little more playfully this time. It's something so obvious to him, Doppo shouldn't be embarrassed by that. "Seriously, you've always been there for me even since we were kids."

"... I still have a lot of work to do to deserve that title."

"Because of you I was able to go face her, so don't push yourself too hard, okay? As long as we keep on trying and we have each other, it will be alright. It may take a while, but we'll get there," Hifumi says with determination, looking at Doppo's eyes. "Nothing can stop us once we're together." 

"... Yeah." It took him a while to respond, but there's determination and sincerity in his voice. That's all that Hifumi needed to hear. 

"That reminds me… Did Honobono do something to you, Doppochin?" 

"What do you mean?" 

"I was really out of it, but I heard something about you having free time and her just playing around…" 

"Ah, that's…" Doppo stops, debating on whether he should tell Hifumi the whole story or leave it for later. "It's a long story, but nothing bad happened."

"It's okay. I wanna know what she did," Hifumi replies, snuggling against Doppo's chest. "But dinner first!"

"And then, baldy appeared, saying that he always believed that I would never do such a thing and a bunch of crap like that. I was really fed up at that point, so I asked him if I could have a word with him and told him what a shitty boss he was! In a professional way, of course." Hifumi chuckles a little at that and Doppo's expression relaxes. "Even if I had been busy, I would still have come to you."

His eye bags are still there, but his eyes look clearer, a spark of determination lighting them. Also, his back looks more relaxed, like part of the weight that always leans down on it has finally been lifted. 

Doppo looks less overwhelmed and more sure of himself. There's a certain air of confidence surrounding him now that makes it impossible to tear his gaze away from him. 

If he weren't so drained, Hifumi would have suggested a toast or something. To think that Doppo had been fired, but he didn't give in into his negative thoughts. Instead, he fought back to clear his name and take back his job… 

He really has grown so much. 

Hifumi wishes that his newfound confidence would never leave him.

"You have become so cool, Doppochin."

"That's noー" Doppo tries to rebut him, but stops halfway. That's progress too! Hifumi feels a little giddy at that. "I guess you could say so? Still, it's mostly thanks to Ogura and Mitsuya. Without them, I wouldn't have noticed what was wrong." 

"But you're the one that called out your boss for being bad at his job," Hifumi points out proudly. He's not gonna allow him to downplay his progress, especially when he took a big step today. 

"Yeah, I did," Doppo replies, sounding more confident and proud this time.

Satisfied with his answer, Hifumi smiles brightly. "You should invite Ogura and Mitsuya over sometime. I want to thank them too."

As tired as he was from everything that happened, especially after crying, once they were in bed, Hifumi didn't feel sleepy at all. 

He had felt so relaxed after taking a bath and they were even spooning. Hifumi loves to be the little spoon! However, his mind can’t stop replaying everything that happened tonight. 

"Mnnh… Can't sleep, my love?" Doppo asks after a while, drowsiness seeping through his voice. He’s always more affectionate when he's sleepy. 

"No. My mind is super restless right now." Hifumi turns around, answering honestly. It's pointless to lie to Doppo; he knows him too well. And even if Doppo wasn't that perceptive, Hifumi doesn't like to hide things from him. "But I'll be fine. You should sleep, Doppochin."

"... Wanna talk about it?" Doppo asks slowly, half mumbling, rising up a little. He sounds on the verge of falling asleep, and yet, here he is, making sure that Hifumi’s alright. 

Hifumi ponders his answer and Doppo caresses his face in the meantime, brushing his hair away from his face gently. "You need to rest. What would be of E. L. Medical without the great Doppochin?"

Doppo has also had a stressful day after all. Hifumi doesn't want him to stay awake for his sake, especially when Doppo is clearly tired. 

It takes him a while to entirely process what he said, but once he does, Doppo lets out a small laugh. However, he doesn't relent. Even in the darkness Hifumi can feel the love and worry in his eyes. "Silly, you're more important. I can ask for the day off if you want… The great Doppochin's first priority is his lovely boyfriend." 

Doppo moves himself closer to Hifumi, takes his hand and kisses it softly. Hifumi can't help but giggle, way too overjoyed at Doppo’s actions. 

His chest feels lighter now. 

"The great Doppochin should save his day off for fishing. His lovely boyfriend wants to make more fun memories to compensate for what happened tonight," Hifumi replies happily, snuggling against his chest. "I'm fine, Doppo. I really mean it. Just have a lot on my mind, but it's just a matter of organizing my thoughts."

Doppo stays quiet for a while, playing with his hair. "Still… I don't want to leave you alone when you're troubled."

"But you won't," Hifumi replies simply, joining their hands and bringing them closer to his face. "See?" 

Doppo looks dumbfounded for a moment, but ends up smiling softly, giving his hand a light squeeze. "Okay. But wake me up if something bad comes up. 

"Will do," Hifumi replies reassuringly and kisses his forehead, wishing for Doppo's head to be filled with lovely things, so he can sleep peacefully. "Sweet dreams, Doppochin. I love you."

Doppo smiles softly at that and kisses Hifumi's forehead too, wishing the same for him and giving him a sleepy I love you too . They go back to their previous position and Doppo falls asleep almost immediately. He must have been fighting his pills' effects with all his might. 

Even when Hifumi tosses and turns a little, Doppo just moves closer to him, in order to keep hugging him. With his soothing warmth on his back, it's safer for him to keep pondering about Honobono and what happened tonight. 

Hifumi doesn't get her at all. Does she really enjoy making someone suffer, to the point of breaking down? 

Maybe he's just a simple person, but he enjoys making the people around him happy. Going fishing with Jakurai, so he can clear his mind from his worries and see more colors than just the hospital's white walls. Making Doppo's favorites dishes and leaving him lovely notes, in order to give him comfort after a long day of work. Doing everything he can to give his customers an unforgettable night… 

It may seem very simple and ordinary, but for Hifumi there is no bigger joy than that. And in the same fashion, he likes to be loved. Nothing makes him happier than when people compliment his culinary skills, especially if it's Doppo or Jakurai. Or when new customers come back, asking for him…

Or being held by Doppo. Especially being held and kissed by Doppo. 

But Honobono… How can she enjoy being feared? 

She doesn't seem to have changed at all since high school. Before this night, Hifumi liked to think that she had changed and was at least a little ashamed of what she did to him.

He didn't want to forgive her, but maybe knowing the reasons behind her actions would change his mind. 

Or that's what he had thought before tonight… 

Her little prank could have cost someone's life if the doctor hadn't checked the devices out. She had showed him that she was willing to pay an enormous amount of money just to torture him. 

How far is she willing to go just to ruin someone's life? 

Would he ever be able to have a normal conversation with her? Hifumi wants to really confront her and get some answers to his questions, but Honobono loves to have the upper hand and to play dumb, only to drop the act in the cruelest way possible.

Did she really do this to him, just because it's fun for her? 

What if she decides to appear again? She already knows where he works, and since she's working for the government, she might as well know where he lives and almost everything about him. Honobono can simply appear in his life when he least expects it. 

Jakurai's words bloom reassuringly in his mind. What's important is that they didn't run away. That despite everything, they stood up to her. 

As if sensing his uneasiness, Doppo pulls Hifumi closer to him, still holding his hand. He nuzzles the nape of his neck gently, as if trying to comfort him. 

"Hifumi, you aren't weak!" 

Their support and his small victory from tonight gives him strength. He's not alone and he's not weak, and moreover, it's not pointless to keep on trying. 

Even if it's a small glimmer of hope in the middle of his vast darkness, he will hold onto it with all his might. 

He won't let her take away his happiness. Not again. 

He will get better.