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By the time Minji herds all of them off to their respective rooms, Yoohyeon had just about forgotten the question she almost asked Yubin. At least, that’s what she’s telling herself anyway.
Game night is fun, until they start drinking, and then game night turns into sappy truth or dare night, where there are only truths and lots of tears. Yoohyeon, who hadn’t been drinking but was caught up in the moment nonetheless, had only just turned to Yubin to pose her question when Yubin shook her head, indicating she wasn’t interested in playing. Which, fair. She’s never been one to sit and cry with them anyway. She’s usually the one handing out tissues and begrudging back pats and running away from a teary-eyed Bora when she gets too handsy.
Still, Yoohyeon can’t help but be a bit disappointed. It’s probably for the best anyway. The thing she wanted to ask was—stupid, and metaphorical and way too emotional and—Yoohyeon sighs and shakes her head, spitting mint toothpaste in the sink. She sets her toothbrush down, rinses, and stares at herself in the mirror. Faint splotches of red still light up her cheeks and she winces at herself.
There’s no reason these thoughts should make her feel so—much. Repressed feelings never actually go away, Kim Yoohyeon, she sneers at herself. This is what happens when you try to just forget about a problem until it disappears. It never disappears.
A knock on the door startles Yoohyeon, and she jumps. She sweeps her dirty clothes off the floor and into a bundle in her arms. Bora is waiting outside the door.
“Did you fall asleep in there?” She says with a yawn, but it’s not accusatory.
“Sorry,” Yoohyeon mumbles anyway. Bora only pats her head (despite being at least two heads shorter) and maneuvers past her through the door. She shuts it without a word, and Yoohyeon is faced with a choice. There’s two doors in front of her, both slightly ajar with light spilling from them. Hesitation makes her paddle from one foot to the other.
Her decision is made for her when a shadow covers the light of one door, and Yubin pushes it open wider.
“You gonna sleep in the hallway?” Yoohyeon’s feet move before her brain does and she stumbles down the hall to Yubin’s room. Her clothes end up in Yubin’s hamper, which is fine. They’ll sort them out later. Probably when Yubin’s not paying attention and slips on a shirt that falls to her knees.
Climbing into bed is a silent affair, a movement done so many times it’s more of an echo. Yubin first, sliding against the wall. She plugs her phone into the charger as Yoohyeon slips in beside her. There’s a stuffed animal in between them as there always is. On most nights Yoohyeon finds it an amusing, unspoken, ridiculous “no homo”. Ridiculous because nine times out of ten it’s on the floor by morning. On other nights Yoohyeon hates the stuffed animal more than she’s ever hated anything. She’s not sure how she feels tonight.
The thing about her and Yubin is that the silence between them is rarely uncomfortable. It’s the calming silence that comes with years of knowing a person, of seeing someone every day and every night, of knowing how to just be around someone without having to fill the void, because there is none. Of course, there’s less silence between them than one might think, too. Yubin’s a chatterbox when she wants to be. Yoohyeon finds it funny, the times when she has to remind Yubin to slow down and speak at a normal human rate. “Rappers.”, she’ll snort, rolling her eyes playfully. Yubin usually just hits her shoulder, but takes a breath and slows down.
Tonight, there’s silence, each of them scrolling through different social media feeds on their phones. Yoohyeon thinks, for a second, about opening Tiktok, but she knows if she does no sleep will be had. Besides, tomorrow’s a free day and she can film as many as she wants then.
“You had a question for me, didn’t you?” Yubin breaks the blanket of peace surrounding them. Yoohyeon actually had forgotten about the question. Funny how even Yubin can be a distraction from Yubin. Yoohyeon allows the silence to reascend, and she hears a faint, maniacal giggle that sounds suspiciously like Bora one room over.
“Yeah, but. You didn’t want to play. Which is fine,” Yoohyeon responds, her eyes resolutely not leaving her phone. It really was a dumb question. She can’t believe she was actually going to ask it out loud.
Yubin turns away from the wall to face her, her eyes settling across Yoohyeon’s cheek. Yoohyeon can feel it, can feel her own eyes being drawn away from the blue light, Yubin’s gaze a stronger magnet than the screen.
“What was it?” The question is straightforward, no hidden meaning behind it, or maybe one Yoohyeon just can’t parse out. She hesitates. Here, alone with Yubin, in the darkness of her room, practically their room these days, maybe the question isn’t too dumb to ask.
She sighs. Lets her phone fall to her stomach. Her eyes roll away to the blank ceiling. There’s no pressure there.
“I was gonna ask, if we weren’t idols, do you think we’d still know each other? I mean, in a different universe or whatever, if we’d never become singers, would you still—know me, do you think?” Yoohyeon studies the ceiling like it’s English. It’s amazing, she thinks, how easy talking to Yubin is. All of the things she second guesses herself about, the things she thinks are too dumb to say out loud, are so easy to say around Yubin. Yoohyeon never expects judgement from her. That’s what makes Yubin so dangerous. It would be so, very easy to slip up and just tell her—
A finger poking her cheek catches her attention, and Yoohyeon looks back at Yubin. Yubin’s looking at her with an amused expression, but gentle, a small smile pulling her lips upward. It’s the way she looks when she knows Yoohyeon is trying her best to express how she feels, but is making a mess of it. It’s a look that says she understands anyway.
“Yoohyeon, you idiot. I’d know you in every universe.”
It’s such a simple, Yubin answer, but it fractures every thought in Yoohyeon’s brain. It freezes the blood in her veins and the pulse in her wrists. And then it starts again in double time. Tears well up in her eyes before she can process why and okay. So maybe she’d had more anxiety about this question than she’d let on and Yubin. Yubin is laughing.
“Why are you crying?”
The most rational response is to hit her, right? Right, Yoohyeon’s brain supplies, and so she does. Slap Yubin’s shoulder.
“God, Yubin! You can’t just—say things like that you cheeseball!” Yoohyeon moans, burying her face in the shoulder she just slapped. Yubin only giggles into her hand again.
“Well you asked.” She plays it off with nonchalance, but her hand is combing through Yoohyeon’s hair, a small amount of worry visible in the set of her mouth.
Yoohyeon opens her mouth to snap back again, but only a hiccup comes out. Not knowing what else to do, Yoohyeon throws her arms around Yubin and squeezes. Yubin is cool where Yoohyeon is warm and they mix together like a storm brewing. The thunder of Yoohyeon’s heart is loud but not loud enough to mask Yubin’s heart, beating in tandem with her own.
“Ugh get off!” Yubin whines, but she’s muffled by Yoohyeon’s t-shirt, cutting her fake exasperation down to nothing. Yoohyeon clings tighter until she feels Yubin squirm underneath her. She laughs, pulling away, but finds she can’t go too far. Yubin’s arm is around her waist, her fingers clenched around the fabric of Yoohyeon’s t-shirt.
“Uh. If you want me to get off you have to let me go first,” Yoohyeon says. She can hear her grin in her own voice. Yubin only tightens her arm around Yoohyeon.
Yoohyeon huffs and settles against Yubin’s side. From the corner of her eye, she can see the stuffed animal dangling at the edge of the bed. She sticks her tongue out at it and kicks, sending it crashing to the floor.
The silence, not unwelcome, envelopes them again. Yoohyeon listens as their hearts slow together. The fingers in her hair smooth it absentmindedly.
“Yubin?”
The other girl hums low in acknowledgement.
“I’d know you in every universe too.” There’s a beat.
“Now who’s being sappy?”
Yoohyeon elbows her in the side.
Not even sleep can erase the twin smiles on their lips.