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“Alright, kid,” Said Master Kohga to the small girl in front of him. The little girl, also known as Kohga’s adopted daughter, Lara, beamed with excitement. “Here’s the deal. You get in there, then get out ASAP. You remember the plan?”
“Yep!” Cried the little girl, grinning with a gap-toothed smile. Lara had just lost her first tooth the day before, and that’s when Kohga had decided it was time for her to start learning the ways of the Yiga Clan. She wasn’t but four years old, but she had the spirit and energy to prove she was ready for it.
Her first mission? Steal supplies from Gerudo Town. Kohga had quickly seized the opportunity of sending someone into the town itself without any hassle or raised suspicions. If raising a young girl amidst his clan of exiles and known thieves was good for anything, getting into a woman-only town certainly was one of those bonuses.
“Great! So when you get in there, what’re you gonna do?”
Lara held up the long, grocery-like list to prove her point. “Find this stuff!”
“Exactly! And what are you not gonna do?” Kohga crossed his arms for emphasis, but in reality, he was just trying to hide the worry behind his mask and a stern-dad demeanor. This was her first time anywhere without her pops. What was gonna happen? He was nervous, just as a parent on the first day of school would be, only minus the school. Hm, maybe he should look into that last part-
“Urs-Urrr-,” Lara struggled to make the words go, so she opted for the next best thing, “Miss zappy lady!”
“That’s right, we don’t wanna see miss zappy lady,” Koga nodded and gave his daughter a little pat on the head. He was sure Urbosa would never harm a hair on this kid’s head, but he also was sure that she and him were sort-of friends (enemies with benefits if you will), yet she still liked to scare him shitless with her lightning zaps.
Wait, no, that sounded like they were sleeping together, which he definitely was not doing. He was way out of her league! And besides, he was gay as hell for the most beautiful man in Hyrule, Sooga. None could compare to that hunk. No, as much as Urbosa may or may not have metaphorically wanted him, he would have to decline.
Obviously, Urbosa has never thought of them this way, and would most likely electrocute anyone who suggested it.
“I think that’s it, I think you’re ready,” Kohga got down to Lara’s height level and gripped her shoulders. “Now get in there and make papa proud, okay?”
“Okay!” Kohga’s heart swelled with fatherly emotions as the little girl gave a Yiga salute.
It took exactly 0.2 seconds for Kohga to start blubbering like a baby. “Oh, who am I kidding. You always make me proud, c’mere!” Two slightly pudgy arms wrapped around Lara’s small frame in one of Kohga’s famous dad hugs. Lara hugged back right away, giggling at how silly her dad was being. He could hardly bear to let go.
“Papa, I can do it!” She reassured, pulling back so he wouldn’t have to. Kohga sighed behind his mask and nodded.
“I know, kiddo, I know you can,” He sniffed loudly, wiping his mask despite his tears being under it, “You’re a chip off the old block. As strong as your old man, the stupendous Master Kohga!”
Lara giggled and jumped into position to imitate her father’s usual titular pose. Kohga nearly sobbed on the spot. No parenting book ever said it would be this hard to let go!
“Exactly!” Kohga shook himself out of it. “Alright, get in there before I change my mind! I’ll be right here when you get back. Oh, and don’t talk to strangers!”
The little girl nodded and took off toward the entrance of Gerudo Town, Yiga apparel traded in for a more vai-like style and hair done up in a little bun. Sooga was surprisingly good at hair, and Lara especially adored it when her dad would put sparkles in it. Having done exactly that, Lara felt confident she could do this!
The brown-eyed girl stopped right at the entrance of the town. The walls were higher than anything she’d seen, besides the mountains of the highlands that she was used to. Lara wondered if these were mountains too, and promptly asked the nice tall ladies if this was true.
One of the Gerudo guards, Irali, chuckled. “No, little vai, but these walls are just as strong!”
Lara was fascinated. Walls as strong as mountains? No wonder her dad was the only one who’s ever made it inside. She toddled happily inside with her list. Irali only realized that a young vai all alone was suspicious after she had made it in, much to Lara’s advantage.
The townsfolk inside were bustling with energy. Every which way she looked, Lara found someone selling exotic foods or shiny jewelry. She even found other kids her age running around the square! It looked fun. She wanted to join in, but she was on a mission. Her dads were counting on her, and that meant she had to find the mightiest of bananas first!
Lara took out her list, to look professional, and walked through the streets totally not suspiciously. Among the hustle and bustle, a short little vai was sure enough missed by most everyone around. However, she couldn’t find the bananas. At every booth she looked, and at every booth she found nothing but strange foods she’d never heard of. They looked odd and out of place compared to her usual banana-centric diet. Lara especially didn’t think that food should have spikes on it. As four-year-olds often do, she vowed never to eat anything like these strange foods.
The poor girl was starting to wonder if she could do this mission after all. What if she couldn’t find them? She wanted to make her papa proud, but everything was just so big, and she didn’t quite know what anyone was saying. She held back a sniffle and began to rub the tears out of her brown eyes. Part of her wanted to go home, but she knew she couldn’t give up yet.
Suddenly, while trying to clear her tear-blurred vision, the preschooler stumbled right into somebody’s leg.
“Oh? Hello there,” Came a motherly voice from high above Lara’s head. The little girl sniffled once more and looked up. She was the most beautiful lady Lara had ever seen. Long, red hair cascaded down her shoulders, and the woman donned a black skirt that flowed behind her in the wind. A golden crown sat upon her head, classifying her as important somehow. And she was. The woman was none other than Lady Urbosa herself, the chief of all the Gerudo. Of course, Lara hadn't ever met the chief before, and thus had no idea who she was at all.
“Are you alright, little vai?” Urbosa spoke softly, kneeling down to Lara’s height. Lara wiped her eyes for the last time, determined to complete her job.
“Yes, miss, but um…” Suddenly feeling a bit shy, Lara let her eyes drift to the paved stones below their feet. “I...I need help.”
Urbosa’s expression softened. “Maybe I can be of some assistance. What’s the trouble?”
“I’m supposed to steal these, but I can’t find them,” Lara frowned and held up her list, which was almost longer than her entire height. Urbosa assumed her break would just have to wait. Well, that is until she took a closer look at what was actually on the list: the words ‘mighty bananas’ were simply repeated for the entirety of the parchment.
That’s when suddenly it all clicked. A lost little Hylian girl, a strange list of only bananas, trying to steal from the town. The Gerudo chief internally groaned. There was only one person who could be behind this, and now he had sunk so low to have kidnapped a child? Lady Urbosa would be having none of that on her watch. Mother mode was now engaged to the max.
“What’s your name?”
“Lara,” She replied, rocking on her heels.
“And who sent you to our town, miss Lara?” Urbosa was this close to tracking down Kohga herself if this is what he had been involved with now.
Lara, blissfully unaware, bared her secrets. “My papa. He said I was ready for my first mission!”
Of course, this was not the answer Urbosa was expecting. Her head tilted to gaze down at the little girl, brow furrowed in confusion. Obviously, this was none other than the work of the Yiga Clan, but the girl seemingly hadn’t been kidnapped to do their bidding like she first thought. Lara even seemed excited to help with her task. Her ears were surely that of Hylian- but perhaps Sheikah wouldn’t be far off either. Could this little vai actually belong to Kohga’s bloodline?
Huh. The chief was so certain he preferred the company of other men exclusively.
Nevertheless, this little girl needed her help, and who was she to turn away? In fact, Urbosa reasoned, it would be quite the shock if she were to aid this little girl and show up for the delivery. At the very least, she would get some answers and be able to give Kohga a stern talking to. Again.
Urbosa stood. The decision was made.
“I will help you on your errand, little vai,” Announced Urbosa with the faintest look of mischief. Lara’s excitement rejuvenated.
“Really?!”
“Of course. As long as I may also return you to your father, that is. The desert can be unforgiving at night.”
Seeing nothing wrong with the extra help, Lara grinned and offered her hand to the Gerudo.
“It’s a deal!” She said, just as her dads and many siblings had taught her to make an agreement.
The deal was settled, and Urbosa was amused.
~
The next hour of the afternoon was one of the most enjoyable breaks that Urbosa had experienced in quite a while. Pretending to cause distractions, sneaking off with unpaid merchandise, and using the secret pathways of the town all reminded her of the days where she was but a young vai herself, finding an inch of independence to call her own. Of course, this time she paid for the goods herself after informing each of the Gerudo vendors of Lara’s little escapade.
But to little Lara, all of it was real. The bananas were snatched, and no one suspected a thing! She had really done it! With this nice lady’s help, of course.
When the two new friends passed through the exit of the town, Lara was leading Urbosa, who had been pushing quite the barrel full of the yellow fruit past the guards. Irali was even more surprised to see this child exit with the chief, but simply stood up straighter as they both passed. Lady Urbosa surely had her reasons, after all.
“Papa said he would be over here when I was done,” She recalled, scuffing the heels of her shiny shoes in the sand. Her arm was outstretched toward the corner of the town, just out of the Gerudo guards’ line of sight.
“Hm. I don’t see any-”
“ MY BABY !” Came the gasping cry of a worried Master Kohga from behind a sand dune. Despite his size, the man scurried and stumbled across the sands to meet his daughter at nothing less than lightning speed. Kohga’s large arms immediately scooped up the small child into his arms, hugging her as close as she possibly could be. “Lara, you had me worried sick! Are you alright?! Did they hold you captive?! I’ll beat em up!”
However, instead of bursting into tears like one would expect a recently-held-captive child to do, Lara simply laughed and clung to her father’s neck. She was still small enough to sit upon his round belly, and did so to be eye-level.
“Papa, I’m okay! And look, look!” Lara bounced excitedly, pointing to the mound of mighty bananas atop a wheel barrel. It was quite the steal, and Kohga was appropriately surprised.
“Holy smokes, kiddo, you did all that?”
“She had a little help,” Urbosa stepped forward from behind the tower of bananas. Her chin pointed downward to meet his gaze. “I presume she can tell you the rest.”
“Urbosa?!” The clan master took a step back defensively.
“Miss zappy lady?” Lara gasped. Kohga held her tighter, just in case. Urbosa would settle to push the informalities aside for now.
“Surely you didn’t think that I wouldn’t catch wind of your plan with this little one, did you?” The chief smirked, stepping closer to the two with her arms crossed. She towered over Kohga, just as she always had, and it still intimidated him to no end. “Perhaps it wasn’t as noticeable as the Yiga Clan leader in drag, but I know a ruse when I see one.”
“Okay, okay you caught me!” Kohga admitted in a hasty panic. He’d been singed enough times to know that she wasn’t one to bluff a threat, and he wasn’t gonna wait around to find out what that would look like today. “Before you do anything rash, just- remember, there’s a kid here!”
For further emphasis, Kohga held up the child in defense. Urbosa simply laughed.
“I’m not going to do anything like that, Kohga. This time, anyway.”
“You’re not?” Kohga looked surprised, even with a mask on. Lara was lowered back to her comfortable spot on his belly.
“No. At first, I was planning to. I agreed to help your little vai, thinking she was lost or even kidnapped, but,” Urbosa paused and stared Kohga down, this time with a smile instead of narrowed eyes, “After spending time with her and seeing you both now, it is clear to me that this child is loved and adequately cared for.”
Somehow , Urbosa finished inwardly.
Despite being only the age of four, Lara knew what that meant. She snuggled into Kohga’s embrace, rubbing her eyes after such a long day. All she wanted now was a nice long nap with her dad in their special pillow fort.
Kohga smiled softly at the sleepy kiddo in his arms. Maybe he wasn’t always the smartest parent, but if she loved him even half as much as he loved her, he must have been doing something right. The Yiga master faced Urbosa with a new sense of authority (though it still paled in comparison to the Gerudo chief’s).
“I’d do anything for her, I really would.”
Urbosa knew that feeling quite well herself. “I wish the both of you the best, then. Oh, and you may keep the bananas. Consider it a late baby shower gift.”
“Oh, wow, thanks!” Kohga didn’t quite know what that meant or why babies needed showers (Lara was difficult enough with bath time), but there was no way he would refuse such a gracious gift. “Does this mean I’m-”
“You’re welcome. And no,” Urbosa cut him off before his question could be asked, “You’re still a voe, no matter what grounds you are on. Though I believe we can arrange another battle pageant if you’re up for debating this?”
“NO! Uh, I mean, no thanks, yunno, kind of got my hands full with this parenting thing, haha.”
“Well, if you’re sure I can’t change your mind,” Urbosa chuckled, gesturing to the now sleeping Lara. “Perhaps you’d better be on your way.”
Kohga took the hint immediately and silently bade the Gerudo chief farewell. With one arm holding Lara comfortably in place and the other holding onto the mound of bananas they’d scored for the clan, Master Kohga quickly disappeared in a flash of sheikah sigils, runes, and smoke.
Lady Urbosa’s unofficial job was finished for the day, but she had a feeling this wouldn’t be the last time Master Kohga would make an appearance on Lara’s behalf. She grinned in amusement at the thought of him dealing with her teenage years, and decided that would be punishment enough for any more damage the young Yiga leader could cause.
Satisfied, the chief returned home, and arranged for a trip to be made to Hyrule Castle within the coming days.