Chapter Text
It had been 2 years, 1 month, and 16 days since Carina had left, taking the best parts of Maya with her.
Andrew’s passing had understandably hit Carina hard, Maya unable to console her most of the time despite her best efforts. Carina couldn’t be consoled. Not for pain like this. Carina didn’t want the patience and kindness that Maya was treating her with. It made her feel guilty. And the guilt made her more and more tired. It was a vicious cycle and Carina lost more of herself each and every day.
Carina had tried for a month, getting back to work on her research only, but walking through the hall of Grey-Sloan was too much. Andrea was around every corner. She could hear his laugh, see his lopsided grin and feel his presence. Carina broke down one night in Maya’s arms about how she’d lose it if one more person offered her condolences, stating how good her brother was.
Their sympathies could never bring him back.
Maya had held her, saying nothing. She was out of words and Carina didn’t want to hear them anyway.
Carina had barely eaten, she’d barely slept, she’d barely smiled. Carina was losing that light that Maya had fallen so deeply in love with, but through it, all Maya loved her more and more. Maya pushed aside her insecurities and continued to fight for Carina every day.
Maya had gotten her favorite food, played her favorite music, and even spoke in her broken Italian than normally made Carina laugh. However, it went unnoticed and did nothing to help her girlfriend.
Maya couldn’t fix this. Death was not something that could be fixed.
It was a Wednesday night when Maya came back from the station and the energy of the apartment had shifted.
Maya knew something was wrong.
Home with Carina always had been warm. From the moment she moved in Maya’s generic apartment had felt like a sanctuary. She put art on the walls and pictures everywhere. There were souvenirs from travel and sweaters left on the sofa. These were small things that had annoyed her when Andy moved in, but with Carina, she got accustomed to it easier. Each of those things was a memory that made Carina smile when she recalled it.
When Maya walked in, there on the couch sat Carina, a suitcase at her feet.
Maya’s heart broke as Carina spoke, her voice cracking as she spoke about how it was too much. Seattle was Andrea’s city. Grey-Sloan was his hospital. She couldn’t be here anymore, not when every little thing reminded her of him. Carina needed space.
She spoke about her love for Maya, thanking her for taking care of and loving her. She reassured Maya that this had nothing to do with her, but the loss of her brother was too much to deal with.
To cope she needed to leave.
It had been 2 years, 1 month, and 16 days since Carina left their apartment, suitcase in hand, leaving behind all her things and a broken Maya in her wake.
Maya had been numb for weeks after, going through the motions. She didn’t even have it in her to fight back when Gibson challenged her on the job or when she received a warning from the battalion chief.
Normally Maya lashed out, but this time, Maya broke down.
She took a forced break, cashing in on her plethora of vacation days, and stayed with her mother of all people.
Katherine had grown so much the past few years of independence, the divorce from her father finally legal. She had a nice two-bedroom condo in Bellevue and welcomed Maya in with arms wide.
Her mother made up for all the things she never did when Maya was a child. She filled up the pantry with Maya’s favorite snacks and brought home gifts that reminded the older woman of her daughter. She gave Maya the love and patience she deserved but never got. They watched movies together and went shopping. They had those mother-daughter days that her mom had always dreamed of, but that Lane Bishop had crushed.
Slowly Maya built herself back up. Maya started running again and going to the gym, even taking some yoga classes with her mom. Taking care of her body was always important to her, but now it was less about self-discipline and control but more about taking care of her body.
Maya wasn’t exactly okay, but she was better. And every little bit counted.
Carina’s presence was missed every day. She missed waking up to her in bed, her voice when she sang in the shower, and the smell of her cooking. She missed Carina’s laugh and how she cursed like a sailor, but only in Italian. The big and the little, Maya missed it all. There was never a moment where a thought of Carina wasn’t far behind. Maya had felt a bit obsessive, sometimes staring at the globe in her office, wondering where exactly Carina would be now. Carina had nothing to hold her back, she could be anywhere.
Maya went back to the station after a few weeks, finally able to rise to the occasion.
Once she went back, it was like she never missed a step. She fell back in line and the Station began to thrive. Maya put in extra hours to make her paperwork meticulous. She trained hard in the gym and kept the Station in pristine condition, Andy as her right hand.
It was no surprise that when a captaincy job came up at Station 12 a few months later that Andy applied and got it. It was bittersweet for Andy to leave 19. It had been her home for so long. But Andy needed to break free, she needed to be Andy Herrera and not just Pruitt Herrera’s daughter. It had been a hard adjustment, but it was worth it. The Seattle Fire Department needed continued changes in leadership and they couldn’t get any better than Andy.
Maya missed having her best friend at her side, but Jack and a recently promoted Dean rose to the occasion. She and Jack’s differences had long been put aside and a friendship of sorts had formed. He was a good Lieutenant but Maya knew that even his time at Station 19 was coming to an end. Things were going well with Inara and Jack admitted he’d been looking at options to help secure their future - things like a house, marriage, and a captaincy position in Kirkland near a school that’d be good for Marcus.
Dean was an amazing Lieutenant as well, he was sharper than folks gave him credit for and a good leader. They’d butt heads initially but somehow worked out well. Sure she didn’t love when Gibson and Miller teamed up on her, however, the challenge was good.
And so life went on.
Maya missed Carina every day, but the ache became a part of her routine.
Embrace the pain. Make the pain into something.
Station 19 was in the news, they won awards, they did community outreach. They became the example of what all other stations should be, Andy and Station 12 right behind them. They’d embarked on dangerous rescues and small aid calls - each one reminding Maya why she became a firefighter.
Maya focused on rebuilding her other relationship. She and Andy were more solid than ever, back to how it was in the academy. Andy and Robert were working things out, not in a steady place relationship-wise. They’d gotten an apartment closer to Station 12 and Robert was working his way back up the ranks - soon to be sitting for the Lieutenant's exam. He’d probably never be a captain again, but there were ways he could still serve in an impactful way.
She’d developed a stronger bond with Vic and Travis, then being her go-to for hangouts now that Andy was a married woman. They’d often drink at Joe’s and Maya tried too hard to ignore the doctors from Grey-Sloan. Vic and Theo were doing well until they weren’t and Vic most recently had been seeing a really great guy who worked at the University of Washington as a professor.
Travis and Maya had a heart-to-heart about a year after Carina left, both drunken messes talking about losing “the one”. It was a different type of loss, but Maya appreciated the comradery.
Maya reconnected with her brother, who had settled up in Bellingham after completing both an inpatient and outpatient program. It was a rough rekindling at first. There was so much emotional baggage they had to sort through, but Maya fought for him. After seeing what the loss of Andrew had done to Carina first hand, she knew making this work had to be a top priority. It took time and patience, but reconnecting with Mason had been such a bright spot. They relearned things about one another and recounted a few of their favorite moments from childhood. She and her mom visited monthly where Mason worked part-time as a barista and part-time at an animal shelter. Bellingham was smaller than Seattle with a decent art scene and beautiful views.
Mason’s work at the animal shelter was incredibly meaningful for him, as he’d recently gotten an emotional support animal, a dog named Socks. Mason primarily staffed the shelter’s front desk but also worked on their social media page. More recently, he’d been designing merchandise to raise funds.
That was where Maya met Baker. Baker was a one-eyed brown Labrador, found abandoned on a side road leading up to Mount Baker. Mason’s shelter had taken him in and he became a fan favorite. Maya had gone to the shelter with Mason to walk a few dogs while their mom got coffee with a friend from college. Maya’s walk with Baker had turned into an amazing run and by the end of the day, she packed up her car with Baker sitting happily in the back seat.
At only eight months old, Baker had quite the life already. He was too excited and lacked control, but he was motivated and attached himself to Maya quickly. The first few weeks were rough, Maya’s type-A personality did not always mesh well with such a young dog but they both learned and groomed. Maya focused on training Baker and finding what motivated him. Her boy just loved affection and needed a job to do.
So with the help of obedience training, he was making incredible strides and had become a Mascot for the station. He was present for every field trip that came their way and was a bit of a local celebrity in the neighborhood. Baker loved the attention that came with it. He enjoyed each drill he ran through and how he’d demonstrate stop-drop and roll for kids.
Maya grew to love him so very much. He gave her day-to-day life purpose, driving her to get out of bed on days where it hurt too much. Baker had unconditional love and fell into a routine fast. His sociable nature brought Maya out of her shell. She loved the days she brought him into the Station, Baker settled at her feet while she did paperwork. He looked at Maya with such love, like he knew that she’d always have his back.
Baker taught Maya how to love herself again, or perhaps for the first time.
Maya and Baker began most days with a run through the park, but Sunday mornings were special. Every Sunday Maya would bring Baker to an outdoor coffee kiosk in the park, where she’d order herself an Italian espresso and Baker a cup of whipped cream to enjoy before bringing him to the dog run to pal around with some other canines. Maya loved their Sunday morning routine more than anything these days.
This Sunday was no different. Baker kept up with Maya for their six-mile run, pausing a few times to sniff at particularly interesting bushes or grab a good stick. Walking towards the kiosk, Maya kneeled down in line patting Baker's side as they waited for the mother and child in front of them to finish ordering. His tag was wagging at the prospect of his favorite treat. Maya’s painstakingly curated running playlist was pouring out of her AirPods. The little baby was looking over their mother’s shoulder, watching Baker’s every little movement. Maya smiled up at the baby, their big brown eyes were soul melting.
The mother turned around to see what her baby was looking at and time seemed to stand still when Maya looked up and locked eyes with the baby’s mother.
“Carina -“ Maya was filled with so many emotions as she stood, her AirPods shoved away in her pocket and Baker eagerly waiting for Maya’s approval to greet their new friends.
It had been two years, one month, and 16 days since she saw her last.
“Maya,” Carina greeted with a warm smile, and Maya was transported back to the first day they met when Carina had given her that knowing smile and convinced Maya not to drink alone. God, Maya should have known then that Carina was something else. Unfortunately, it took her a bit too long to realize just how amazing Carina was.
Maya just stood there, taking Carina in. Her hair was different, slightly shorter, and a bit lighter. But damn she looked amazing. Every ounce of Maya just ached for her. Her mind couldn’t formulate words until the little baby in Carina’s arms cried out and made grabby hands toward Baker.
“Oh, who is this?” Carina said, stepping aside and looking down at the dog, who beamed under the attention. He was ready for head scratches and coos about how good of a boy he was.
“Uh - that, that’s my dog. His name is Baker. You can pet him if you like.” Maya finally said, moving aside so the person behind her could order their drink. Her voice was shaky and Maya was aware that Carina knew she was nervous. Carina was always so attuned to her. At their best, they could all but guess what the other was going to say. A conversation about Baker was the last thing Maya wanted to have. It was too cordial for what they were and for how they left things.
She watched as Carina leaned down to pet the dog, guiding the baby’s hands. Baker, who loved people especially children, ate up the attention.
“Andrea guarda il cagnolino,” Carina spoke to the baby and Maya looked up at the name.
“Andrea?” She asked before she could even stop herself. That name still made her pause, his loss still being felt by many.
“Yes. Maya, meet my son - Andrea DeLuca.” Maya pulled back as if she’d been burnt, her student movement jostling Baker who looked less than pleased.
Carina had a son.
A beautiful son with deep brown eyes like Carina and her dead brother’s name.
Once upon a time, Maya had let herself think of a moment like this, a little faceless baby that was all theirs. A family of their own where they could stop the cycle of toxic parenting. She’d never let Carina know she’d dared dream of a family, they’d never quite gotten to that point in the relationship. Maybe she was trying to reclaim the past, to make up for the lack of a childhood she’d had. Maya didn’t even know if she had a maternal instinct in her body, but that never let the thoughts stop. Late at night when she couldn’t sleep on a shift she’d imagine domestic bliss with Carina by her side.
Maya’s face screwed up, trying to hold back tears. All these years she thought Carina was struggling and grieving. There was always this small hope in the back of her mind that they’d come back to one another again. And while Maya was somewhat glad that Carina found happiness, it felt like a betrayal. She had a whole new family now.
“I- I have to go.”
Maya fled from the park, Baker at her heels. Her legs felt numb and her nose was running, tears dried on her face. She ran blindly and didn’t realize she had Andy’s until she was banging at the front door.
Andy opened up the door, still dressed in pajamas, and looked at Maya. It was apparent something was wrong. Andy ushered Maya into the living room and gave Baker some water before settling next to her friend who had just been staring into the distance.
“Maya, what the hell happened?” It had been a while since Andy had seen Maya cry, the last six months had actually been really good for Maya.
Maya hesitated for a moment and wrung her hands in front of her before ripping the bandaid off. “I saw Carina today.”
Andy’s astonishment was visible as she nodded her head, wanting to coax out more information from Maya.
“Your Carina?” Andy clarified and Maya nodded. Not that Carina was her’s anymore. Carina had a whole new life now.
“Wow, it’s been like, two years right?”
“Two years, one month, and sixteen days.” Maya never forgot. It was a running number that never left her brain.
“How did you feel? Did you guys talk at all?” Andy was trying to be gentle with her prying, as much as Maya had grown the past few years she could always revert back to her old ways.
“Not really. She looks good.” Finished with his water, Baker padded over to settle next to Andy. He always liked Andy - she always fed him table food when Maya wasn’t looking.
They lapsed into silence before Maya spoke again, this time her voice breaking.
“Andy, she - she- ” she could barely find the words but when Andy wrapped an arm around Maya’s arm she let it out. “Carina had a baby. She moved on. She moved on and forgot me.”
“Holy shit, Maya.” The blonde appreciated that her friend didn’t comfort her at the moment, instead just taking in the news. Maya tugged Baker closer to her, the lab laying his head on his owner’s lap.
“I know I said I was doing better, but I feel like she just left me all over again. She left me, Andy. I know she was hurting and I can’t imagine what she was going through. But I was there for her. For once I was a really good girlfriend and I tried to support her the best way I knew how. I loved her, so much. I-I thought she was it for me.” These were all things that Maya had expressed to Andy, her friend being patient with her each and every time they spoke about it. Between Andy, Vic, and the rest of 19, Maya had made it through and made sense. She’d come to as close to peace as she ever would without having Carina to talk it through.
“She left and now she has some wife or boyfriend or something and a beautiful baby. I-I should be happy for her, right? I should be happy that she’s doing well.” Maya was spiraling and Andy caught onto the fact quickly.
“Maya, you’re allowed to be upset.”
“Her son, his name is Andrea.” Maya let out a deep sigh, letting herself feel the tension of the day. Andy held her the best way she knew how and let Maya go through the gambit of emotions that Carina DeLuca could only bring out of her.
It had been 2 hours since she saw the woman she still loved.