Chapter Text
Happiness. As defined by the English Dictionary, a state of well-being and contentment : JOY. How can a person tell that their happy? A child would tell you it's because of a new toy or the ice cream from the park. A concert of a korean band was probably the definition of happiness for teenagers. And for some lucky people who already found their other half, happiness is seeing the other person happy.
Happiness, is spending lazy mornings and coffee with the one you love.
" Vous faites quio? tu prendre le petit dé jeuner? " Adrien's arms went around Marinette's waist and planted a kiss on her shoulder blade. " Oui, I'm making soufflé pancakes. "
" Give me my morning kiss first. " Adrien demanded. She shook her head and gave a lopsided grin. " Bugaboo, I need my morning kiss. " He stole one kiss on her cheek and then a two, three and he smothered her with kisses which made her giggled.
Happiness, is knowing someone still wants to hold you even if their body gets numb.
" You do realized you were sitting on my lap for two hours now. " Chat Noir whispered on her ear. It was a patrol night and they're at a designated rooftop.
" Am I heavy? " Ladybug pouted. Chat Noir kissed her pouty lips. " No, but I can't feel my legs right now. " He chuckled. Ladybug was about to stand up but he didn't let her. " I thought your legs were numb. "
" They are, but I still want to hold you. " Ladybug grinned at him and squeezed herself again in his arms. " You're just so ridiculously comfy. "
Happiness, is the little things someone can do to you.
" Kitty, scratch my head, please. " Marinette pleaded as she laid her head on Adrien's chest. " As you wish, M'lady. " Adrien kindly gave her head scratches until she fell asleep.
Happiness, is when you wake up in bed yet remembering you fell asleep on your desk.
" Princess, let's get you to bed. You're working so hard. " Adrien softly kissed her forehead. Marinette didn't move an inch so Adrien decided to just carry her bridal style and tucked her in bed.
Happiness, is knowing someone will catch you whenever you fall.
" You are so annoying! I hate you! " Ladybug was fuming mad already still Chat Noir's smugly grin remained on his face. " Oh no, you don't. "
Ladybug growled and pushed him off the Eiffel Tower. But before Chat Noir could use his baton to save himself, Ladybug's yoyo wrapped around him and pulled him up.
Happiness, is knowing someone wants to you to be happy.
" Ladybug, you're so beautiful, you know that? " Chat Noir blurted out all of sudden one night while they were stargazing. A flush creeped across her cheeks. She cleared her throat. Eyes lost in the night sky, too embarrassed to spare a glance at him.
" Chat, you should admire the stars not me. " She ordered. Although Chat Noir's gaze was still focused on her.
" A shooting star! Chat look at that, hurry let's make a wish!! " Ladybug beamed. Clasping her hands together and closing her eyes. After making her wish she turned to Chat Noir and her eyes locked with his own.
" What did you wish for? " Curious, she asked.
His eyes burned with devotion and love. His gaze was burning, he answered.
" I wished that I'll always be able to admire your face like this. I wished that I'll always be the reason behind that bright smile and that I can always make you laugh so hard, your tummy hurts. " He uttered every word with such passion it caved into her heart. Her eyes watered making Chat's face filled with worry so she encircled her arms around his neck and pressed her lips against his own.
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Happiness, however,
A crying Marinette was the complete opposite of that. She felt like she already released all the fluid in her body yet her swollen eyes won't just stop from pouring out tears.
" You damn stray, you're just so good at making me worry. " She ranted. Softly brushing Adrien's bruised knuckles. She scanned his angelic face as he sleeps. An eye patch was covering his left eye. Marinette's eyes watered as she went over what happened that lead Adrien lying unconscious in this hospital.
" This was all your fault! " It's ringing in her head like a broken record player. The rage and accusation in Gabriel Agreste's eyes as he come for her. Blaming her for ruining the plan of reviving Emilie Agreste, for making Adrien's family complete.
Hawk Moth was already detransform as Gabriel Agreste when the police was arresting him. Ladybug was busy comforting Chat Noir that she didn't notice Gabriel was coming to attack her, however Chat Noir saw it coming. He shielded her that made Gabriel Agreste pushed him instead. He didn't had the time to fight back. The next thing he knew was that his head hit a hard surface that made his vision blurry and his head was pounding from an excruciating pain. Panic ran through Ladybug's veins, her body felt numb as she looked at Chat Noir lying on the ground, bleeding and unconscious.
She couldn't fix it anymore. It was already Gabriel and not Hawk Moth when that happened. She couldn't care more about how Gabriel was shocked when Chat Noir's transformation faded. Ladybug had to rushed Adrien to the hospital.
" Chat... I'm sorry. " She mumbled in a broken voice as she kissed his hand. She couldn't bear seeing Chat Noir risking his life for her. It was always like that and she hated it. Marinette felt a stab of pain in her chest just by the idea of losing him. Losing him because he tried to protect her.
" W-Why... are you apologizing? You're— not the one who did this, dumbo. " Adrien laughed. Marinette gasped at the sight of Adrien awakened. She leaned over and hugged him. " Adrien... Adrien. " She pressed her face against his chest and cried.
" Shhh, I'm here. " Adrien hugged her back and gently stroked her hair. Marinette lifted her head and scanned his face. " Does this hurt? " She asked, pertaining to the eye patch.
" Kinda, but I'm fine. You stop crying, okay? " He softly insisted and helped her wiped her tears.
" I told you to stop taking hits for me! " Marinette grunted. Adrien focused his eyes on her intently. His face suddenly became serious.
" I can't just stand there and do nothing, M'lady. It's double the pain for me when you get hurt. So I'd do anything to protect you. I'd rather take the hits and hurt physically than having you in pain. Because seeing you in pain was torture for me. " Adrien shook his head. Shoving the thoughts of his lady hurting. He admired her stunning face that's been swollen from crying. The thought that she must've cried a lot while waiting for him to wake up saddened him. He kissed her temple.
This little lady he's holding in his arms holds his life. She's the one who kept his shit altogether. She's the only right thing in his life. And he'll do anything to keep her safe. Even if it costs his life.
" Then what about me, Chat? You think I'll be okay without you? What do you think will happen to me when I lose you? Yes, let's say you did saved me. I'll get to live. But living isn't all about breathing, Adrien. I need you in my life. I want you in my life. What's the point of living if you won't be here with me?" Marinette bursts into a fresh flood of tears. Adrien looked at her with a pained expression. He didn't know what to say and his throat felt dry. So he enveloped her into a tight embrace, he held her so tight like he's reassuring her that he's here. He's always gonna be here.
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Adrien and Marinette had gotten back in their apartment today. Alya and Nino who were just living beside them, both checked up on them earlier. Adrien placed the eye glasses the optometrist gave him on the night stand. His left eye's vision wasn't as clear as before yet his right eye was still the same. They said he was lucky there were no complications or blood clot in his head. But his eye sight was still at stake.
Adrien went under the covers and cuddled up with Marinette. She turned to face him and her gaze lingered on his face. " Hi. " Adrien greeted in a gravelly voice. Marinette lifted her hand and softly caressed his cheek.
" Does your eyes hurt? " She's trying her best to just sound casual but the concern was still evident in her voice. Adrien gave her a smile. " No, it doesn't."
Marinette let out a relieved sigh. " Do not hesitate to tell me if something's hurting you, okay? Adrien, promise me. " She insisted.
" I'll tell you. " Adrien smiled and pulled her closer. She laid her head on his chest and tried to calmed her mind. But she couldn't stop thinking about everything that just happened.
" I'm sorry.... " She mumbled. Adrien's grip on her waist tighten and she felt him kissed the crown of her head. " Shhh, Mari, how many times do I have to tell you that it wasn't your fault. Please stop blaming yourself, baby. " He reassured her, his voice soft.
Marinette chewed on her bottom lip to hold back her tears. He already told her many times that she didn't do anything wrong. It was all Hawk Moth. Adrien already accepted that his mother was gone, and he wanted her to be at peace. He doesn't agree to his father's plan, he would never agree to that no matter how he misses his mother. And it was Ladybug and Chat Noir's duty to defeat Hawk Moth with no personal feelings. However, Marinette still felt bad for Adrien because he was still his father after all.
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" It's time for my favorite show already. Chat, can you pass me the remote, kitty please? " Marinette kindly asked while she's munching a croissant. Adrien finished his croissant first and leaned to the table for the remote. But he's vision suddenly became blurry and his head started whirling. The remote fell on the ground and it scattered.
" Adrien! Adrien, are you okay?? " Marinette trembled and hustled to Adrien. He settled down on the couch and leaned his head back. " I-Im fine. "
Worry and panic started rising in her, she was shaking. Adrien had to hold her to calm her down. " I'm okay, Marinette. I just got kinda dizzy. " He reassured her. He cupped her face and smiled at her.
" Are you sure you're okay? What if this is something serious, maybe we should go back to the hospital. " Marinette concluded. She's overthinking things already. On what if they didn't see that something has been damaged in his head or there's a tumor. Her thoughts were disturbed when Adrien directed her eyes at him.
" M'lady, you're overthinking again. Stop worrying the things that won't happen, okay? I'm fine. It's just a little dizziness. I'm all better now. " He gave her an reassuring smile. She slowly nodded and Adrien kissed her forehead.
" Now let's watch your favorite show. " Both of them watched quietly while cuddling on the couch. On the contrary, Her thoughts kept wondering. This wasn't the first time Adrien had dizziness. She tried her best to made it looked like she didn't notice any of it but she did. How he was having trouble reading emails and messages from his phone, his sudden halt when he got up from bed like he was waiting for his head to calm down and he wasn't saying anything to her about all of it. He kept saying he was fine yet he doesn't looked like he is.
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" What do you think, Tikki? Which one is better, the black or the white? " Marinette showed Tikki the fabrics. Tikki examined it and decided. " The black is much better. "
Marinette took her advice and continued with her designs. She's designing a project that needs to be past tomorrow. She has been distracting herself with work lately so she won't overthink things again. Just when she's about to sew, her phone made a loud noise, it started ringing. She almost jumped from her seat, bumping the box of measuring tools on the table having it scattered on the floor.
" Oh, crap! " She grunted. She picked up her phone from her bag and creased her forehead because why would Nino call her in the middle of work.
" Hello? Nino? "
" Marinette, it's Adrien.. he's.. " Nino said on the other side of line. Marinette went white. She stopped breathing for a second and her grip on the phone tightened.
" What happened to him? Nino? What about Adrien!? " She almost shouted.
" He collapsed at work and now he's in the hospital. I'm with him. " Marinette was paled and her breathing fasten. Her throat felt dry and she doesn't know what to say. She heard Nino told her he'll text which hospital before the line ended. She remained seated on her chair for a while, just staring blankly at the table. Tikki had to called her many times before she got up and dashed to go to the hospital.
------
Marinette arrived at the hospital. Alya and Nino both went and told her what happened. They said the employees told them that Adrien was having dizziness since morning and around lunch it looked like he was having trouble with his vision and he collapsed.
" Marinette... " Alya went to her side and offered a hug. Marinette leaned to her and she sobbed on her chest. " Shh, girl, he'll be fine. "
" Alya, this was all my fault. I should've been the one lying here, not him. "
" No! Of course not. This wasn't your fault. If there should be someone lying here, it should be that asshole who did this to him. " Alya protested. She looked at Nino asking for support.
" Alya was right, Nette. You never done anything wrong, dude. You should stop crying, Adrien might wake up soon. " Nino glanced at Adrien. He was still unconscious but the Doctor said he's fine. And just when, the door opened and the doctor came in.
Marinette quickly stood up. " Is he going to be fine? "
" Yes, he will. The dizziness and blurry of visions were expected in his case. It's because of the damaged in his left eye, and we also ran some test to his right eye, and found out there are also some complications. We could do treatments to delay his losing of sight. " He explained.
" Delay? Not cure? " Marinette asked in a brittle voice. The doctor sighed and nodded. Marinette covered her mouth and sobs escaped her. The doctor had to excuse himself.
" He's going to be blind, Alya. He's going to be— " She felt her chest tightening from crying so much. Alya looked at her with concern when she started shaking and her breathing became heavy.
" Mari, are you okay? Marinette? Oh God, Nino call a nurse! "
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" Marinette.... " Adrien mumbled. His voice was nasal.
" Dude, you're awake. How are you feeling? " Nino checked. Adrien's eyes searched the room, trying to look for someone.
" W-Where is she? Is she okay? " Nino moved his chair closer to Adrien.
" She's fine. Alya is with her. But she, she had a panic attack and the nurses needed to sedate her. " Nino carefully said, trying not to worry Adrien too much.
" Mari... " Adrien mumbled again, pain was evident in his voice. He was afraid this could happen. He was trying his best to not worry her but in the end he still did.
" She was crying so hard because the doctor told us you'll be losing your sight. " Nino informed him. Adrien didn't say anything and closed his eyes. He already had a feeling that his eye sight will eventually lead to that. He is scared. He doesn't want to be blind. But he's more concerned of how will Marinette take all of this.
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It's been weeks since Adrien got discharged. He was still having headaches and dizziness sometimes, however it's just minor ones. He was also taking eye supplements. While Adrien was slowly coping up with his situation, Marinette was slowly losing it.
She doesn't talk that much unlike before. She was bombarding herself with work. Adrien sometimes noticed her staring blankly out of nowhere and then she will started crying. She started having nightmares. He was doing everything he could to console her. Telling her numerous times that it wasn't her fault. But whenever she stares at his eye, guilt and pain were always clouding her beautiful face.
Adrien doesn't know what to do anymore. He wanted to stay strong for the both of them. Yet he was also slowly breaking. His lady is his life, and seeing her like this felt like his heart was shredding into pieces.
" Hey, hey, wake up. Marinette? M'lady. " Adrien was waking Marinette up when he noticed she was shivering and crying in her sleep like she's having a nightmare.
" Chat Noir! " She shouted. Her heart was beating so fast and she was out of breath. She woke up and the first thing she saw was Adrien's worried face. Tears pouring out her eyes, she reached for him and hold him as tightly as she could.
" Shhh, everything's okay now. " He consoled. He wrapped his arms around her, providing her safety. Marinette buried her head in his shoulders as she cried.
" Chat... I had a dream about y-you and you... di— "
" Forget about that, okay? That's just a dream. I'm right here. " He reassured her in a soft voice. Adrien gently stroked her hair and pressed his lips on her temple. " Stop thinking of anything. Just focus on my breathing, baby, okay? "
Marinette nodded. She stayed in his arms where she felt safe. She'll be okay as long as she's holding into him. Every worries and anxiousness she felt washed away. All she needed was to know he's here.
" I'm here, M'lady. I'm here. "
-----
" Hi there, beautiful. " Adrien greeted and kissed the top of her head. He sat next to her. Marinette shifted her eyes at him. Her gaze was heavy and she got dark circles underneath.
" You won't see my beautiful face anymore when you— " Adrien cut her off.
" M'lady, you will still be the most beautiful girl even when I can't see you. " Adrien grinned and winked at her. Marinette didn't scoffed nor rolled her eyes which she normally does when Adrien gave her banters. She just stared at him. Her eyes were dead.
" Aren't you scared of not being able to see me? " Marinette's eyes sting with unshed tears. Adrien gulped. Trying his best to compose himself. It took him a few seconds before he answered.
" You will still be by my side, M'lady. It's just that, I won't see you. I'll be okay. " He smiled. Marinette couldn't hold it anymore. She breakdown into tears. She wondered how could he still smile like being blind wasn't a big deal. He shouldn't be smiling. She crumbled at thought of him trying his best to make it look like it was all okay so she wouldn't worry about him. But that was also the other thing she's worried about. Him not expressing what he really feel. Him not telling what hurts, because he was so busy minding her feelings that he didn't care about his.
" Stop it, Adrien. For once, stop thinking of my sake. You should be thinking of yourself! Do you know what's gonna happen? You're going to be blind, Adrien. Blind! " Marinette snapped and stood up. She swallowed thickly, feeling slightly out of breath from her outburst.
" I know. " Adrien replied in a tight voice as he leveled with her.
" Do you know what's the meaning of that?? You won't be seeing me, you, everything for the rest of your life. And here you are, smiling and convincing everyone that it's okay?? " She asked incredulously, a hint of venom in her tone. Her breathing hitched and her body was slowly shaking.
" What do you want me to do? I already told you, it's okay. " Adrien's voice cracked with hollow despair. He tried to hold Marinette but she shoved his hand. Adrien's face crumbled and painted with tears.
" It's not okay, Adrien! It's not! I will never be okay that you'll be suffering because you took that hit that supposed to be mine. You don't deserve this, Chat. " Marinette cried out. Her heart and body wrenching, face red, eyes burned with tears and she felt like she's downright at her lowest point.
" It was my choice to protect you, Ladybug. I'm aware of the possibilities of what could happen to me whenever I saved you. And I would never ever blame you for it. I know if the situation was different, and I'm in need of saving, you'd do the same. " Adrien's soft gaze focused on her and his brow furrowed in thought. Marinette squeezed her eyes shut and didn't argue with that. She wouldn't think twice to do the same for Adrien. Heck, she wished she was the one who took the hit for him.
A deafening silence fell on them for a few minutes. Marinette wiped her tears and tried to calmed herself down. Adrien sighed before admitting something.
" I'm scared. " He blurted out, eyes glistening with new tears and his voice hoarse and broken. He swallowed.
" I'm scared of not being able to see you anymore. But you know what I'm more scared of? This. Seeing you slowly destructing yourself. Blaming and loathing yourself for something that wasn't even your fault. Do you know how much that hurts me? Each day I'm slowly ripping apart for the reason that I can't do anything to save you from yourself. " Adrien stared at her with his blood shot eyes. Tears kept streaming down his face. He collapsed on the couch and buried his head in his hands.
Marinette went beside him. She cradled his jaw and wiped his tears. Adrien was silently watching her.
" I know you're tired of hearing my apologies. But do you think I want this for myself? I'm trying, Adrien. I'm trying to stop thinking that it's my fault. I'm trying to be okay, but it's just so hard. I wanna be okay, I want to stop crying. Because I can see that I'm also bringing you down with me. I know you're doing your best to be strong for us. I'm sorry for being so weak right now, I want to stop this but I don't know how. It's suffocating. I just want to be numb, I don't want to feel anything. I want this to stop... stop it please. " Marinette begged. Breaking, just before her body goes completely limbo. She was sobbing so hard.
Adrien gently held her tight in his arms. He embraced her and pressed his lips on her temple. Desperately trying to provide all the comfort he can give. His shirt getting soaked from her tears. Hearing Marinette's sob was tormenting. Her tears felt like acid dissolving his body. He wanted it to stop, not because he wanted to save himself from dissolving, but for the reason that he wanted her to stop crying. He wanted to stop her from hurting. She doesn't deserve any of this. She should be happy again. And Adrien knew at that point, he had it all, if there's any other way just to see his lady happy again, he would trade anything for her happiness.
-----
" How is she? "
" She fell asleep. " Tikki flew beside Plagg and Adrien.
" I don't know what to do anymore... " Adrien covered his face with his hands. Tikki and Plagg both looked at him with concern.
" Ah, you know, Adrien, there's.... nevermind. " Tikki didn't continue. Adrien lifted his head. " Tikki, what is it? Is there a way to help her? " Hope glowed in his eyes. Tikki seemed hesitant about it. But as she glanced at Adrien, her heart melted.
" There's someone at the temple who could erase memories of the guardians. "
Adrien went blanched. He stayed silent for a while and then his shoulders started shaking. He hang his head low and cried. Just the mere thought of Marinette not being able to recognize him clenched his chest.
" Is... that the only way? " He questioned. His voice barely inaudible, like he was afraid that's the only way.
" I also don't want to consider it at first, but you know what's happening to her. And it also hurts me to see Marinette like this. " Tikki admitted. Plagg went beside her and to comfort her.
It took Adrien a long time before he talked again. He was just silently sitting there, covering his face. The only thing they could hear in the room was his heavy breathing.
" I hate to see her like this. I don't want that the last thing I'd see before losing my sight is her crying face. I want to see her smile again. So if the only thing that will make her okay again is to erase me from her memories... then be it. I'm just a painful memory to her. "
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" You are the best Ladybug I ever had, Marinette. I will always remember you even if you won't remember me anymore. You won't be in pain anymore. I love you. " Tikki kissed her cheek. Tikki quickly flew away from her right before her tears fell.
Adrien was just sitting on the side of the bed where Marinette fell into a restful slumber, completely at peace. He take in all of her. She looked like an angel. Adrien wiped off his tears. He didn't even notice that he's crying.
He thought Marinette's too pure for the world. The world was utterly cruel. She never done anything wrong. She was always putting up her responsibilities first before her own happiness. She was always setting aside her feelings and minding what others were going through. She deserves nothing but happiness.
Chat Noir swore to himself to never make his lady cry. To always make her laugh and make her feel loved. Considering her happiness was also his happiness. Making sure she's well taken care of, giving her late night craving for strawberries, giving her piggy back rides when she's too lazy to walk and letting her beat his ass on Mecha Strike III just to see her cheered in joy. It occurred to him that he couldn't do any of that with her anymore when she lost her memories. And he was afraid he still can't let go of her, he will never be able to let go of her.
But he have to. He have to let her go so she can go on with her life without thinking of what happened. She can be happy again.
Adrien laid next to her and gently removed the hair that's covering her face. He softly kissed her forehead. " We'll stop your pain, M'lady. I just want you to be happy. That, I can be happy too. "
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" Adrien, are you listening to me? " Marinette snapped a finger infront of his face. She was listing down the things she'd do for the day to busy herself.
" Huh? Yes, of course. " Adrien replied. He was listening, but he was too focused on watching her. He was looking at her so intently like anytime she could disappear. Marinette shot her brows up and examined him for a minute before shrugging it off.
" As I was saying, you don't need to help me with the household chores for now. I can do all of it, so you just rest. " Marinette stated. Adrien reached for her and his arms tightened around her form.
" Adrien, are you okay? You've been acting all weird since last week. " Marinette pointed out. Adrien nodded his head that was buried on the warm crook of her neck. Since the night Tikki informed him about erasing Marinette's memories, he spent the days with her like it'll be the last. His heart clenches everytime he looked at her. He's slowly ripping at the thought that in any of these days she won't remember him anymore. She won't remember what they had.
" Seriously, you're making me worried. You're so clingy and all touchy like you won't see me tomorrow. " She laughed, but the sound was empty of joy. He lifted his head and his eyes softened once they met her own.
" I love you. " His voice felt too soft, too sad. Beneath his words were him pouring out everything he has. He can't tell her what will happen. He can't tell her she's about to forget him. Instead he told her those three words, the way he's telling her that everything he'll do is for her. Marinette felt like her heart was tied in knots. Deep within her chest an unwelcome anxiety occurred, burning a hole into her mind which buzzed with an endless slurry of questions. She reviewed his face. Something doesn't felt right yet his words soothed the ache within her.
" I love you, Adrien. " She responded in a wobbly voice. What's happening right now to them wasn't really going well. She knew they're both still hurting. She was wondering how long would it take for her to be better again, moreover would she still be. There's a damaged to their relationship that both of them were scared to mention. But she knows, she still love him. No matter how hard the situation was and even if she kept breaking apart, her heart, body and soul will always choose to love him.
The door bell rang. Adrien let go of Marinette and he surveyed her face and his eyes landed on her lips. He softly brushed his lips against her own. " Adrien, the door— " He cut her off and kissed her. She was about to reasoned out the door bell yet she slowly melted in his arms. His kisses were soft and gentle, they both could taste the salt from their tears. There was something in his kisses that made her felt scared to let go. As she was answering his kisses, her tears kept streaming down her face. She couldn't decipher what was she feeling exactly.
Adrien pulled away. They're both catching their breath. She pressed her forehead against his. She watched his face, his were eyes closed. Marinette lifted her hand and caressed his cheek. Adrien hummed.
" Go check the door, Marinette. I'm expecting a guess. I'll just go prepare something. " Adrien told her in a strained voice. He was avoiding her eyes.
" Oh, you didn't tell me. Okay, I'll let them in. " Marinette remarked. She turned and was about to leave when Adrien gripped her wrist. She glanced back at him and he was just standing there looking at her, holding on her tightly.
Marinette smiled. " I'll be back, I'll just go get the door. You prepare what you need. " Adrien swallowed thickly. He thought she must've think it's someone from his work. He scanned her face one last time before slowly letting her hand go.