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English
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Published:
2021-03-31
Words:
1,309
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1/1
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4
Kudos:
136
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Seven Minutes In Heaven Was A Bad Idea

Summary:

After a bit of an unexpected twist, the students find themselves in a wholly new situation; getting to play Seven Minutes in Heaven. Shuichi, of course, had to have the luck (or lack thereof,) to be paired with Kokichi, who's annoying at best and horrifying at worst. What could possibly go wrong?

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

Shuichi watched with bated breath as the bottle spun slower, slower, slower. Best case scenario, it landed on Oma enough times for everyone to figure that playing Seven Minutes in Heaven with him was too cursed to continue, or maybe he'd just spend seven minutes by himself. Best case scenario, no one would have to deal with him. But as the bottle spun slower and slower, it became clearer and clearer that it was going to land away from the liar and closer to him. As fate would have it, it did land on him. His heart skipped a frightened beat as it stopped on him, and he scrambled for any excuse to avoid contact with the gremlin that he was certain would be the death of him.

"T-That's pointing at Tenko," he defensively blurted, hoping that the bottle pointing slightly to his left side would pass to the rest of the group.

"No way!" she barked in quick reply. "That's just like a degenerate male, making an effort to put a defenseless female in an awkward situation with one of his kind!"

Your bare hands are practically qualified as weapons on their own, he thought begrudgingly. Then he realized that her bare hands were practically qualified as weapons on their own and she probably wasn't the best person to substitute for in this situation. The Ultimate Aikido Master was the last person he'd want to have a grudge against him.

"Aww, are you scared, Shuichi?" the purple boy teased, acting like he hadn't shenaniganized everything that he could manage to. "You're gonna hurt my feelings." His face practically said ":(".

Hesitantly, the detective stood up and tried to cover his face with his cap. "Good luck," Kaede wished as he walked to Kokichi.

"Relax, I won't kill him!" he chuckled. "Probably. That depends, how's the health of your pancreas?"

"My… My what?"

Kaito insisted, "Nevermind him, Shuichi! If he hurts you, you know I'll come back down on him twice as hard!" That warm, confident attitude put a bit of comfort in Shuichi's heart.

"I'll be fine," he smiled, somewhat to fool himself. He was uncertain about what fate awaited him in the kitchen with Kokichi Oma, but surely he wasn't too dangerous… Right?

The two walked to the dining room without a word, then there were a few moments of awkward silence. While Shuichi was intimidated by what might've happened, it would've been rude to ignore him. "So, uh… Crazy day, huh?"

"Meh, I guess so," he shrugged, "but it's nothing compared to a day in the life of the leader of an evil organization." After a rather frightening hour left until Monokuma would supposedly kill the group, everyone was relieved to discover that it was just a bluff. With a good while of rational thinking and willing sacrifice, they had practically saved everyone. Kaede suggested that they held a party in celebration and one thing led to another, and there they were playing Seven Minutes in Heaven. "Besides, it's not like we're out of the woods yet either."

"Huh?"

"I mean, what if someone decides to kill someone else anyways?" Shuichi stared at him with a dumbfounded look, but the supreme leader started walking away without batting an eye. He started looking through cupboards and drawers, investigating whatever was inside. "I mean, now we have time to plan more elaborate, harder to solve murders, don't we?"

He wasn't sure what to say. Was that supposed to be a threat? "Kokichi…"

"But it's nothing the Ultimate Detective couldn't solve, of course."

"Stop," he quipped. "I'm not a detective."

"Aw, are you worried that it puts a target on your back?"

"Huh?!"

Kokichi rummaged around a little more in the drawer he was at and pulled out a long, sharp knife. "Well, I would think that the best investigator would have to die for someone to get away with murder…" He had a terrifying look in his eyes, a sinister kind of joyful malice on his pale face. The detective couldn't move. He was already coming to terms with his end, already praying for Kaede and the others to solve Kokichi's crime. He almost feared that a heart attack would claim him first. "Hey, relax. I'm not hurting you when it'd be so obvious I did it. Maybe tonight, after everyone's asleep!"

"..."

"Come on, that was just a lie!" He set the knife down with a hint of frustration, and the other boy began to relax. "Geez, learn to take a joke."

"I-I'm not a detective," he reasserted. "I just happened to figure something out and… Well, it wasn't even worth it."

"Do you have any cool detective training?" he asked as he started his investigation in the fridge.

"H-Huh? No-"

"Think fast!" The grape boy yote a mostly full bottle of mayonnaise at the head of an unsuspecting Shuichi, who of course did not have the reaction speed to save himself. The bottle popped open as it impacted his skull, leaving the poor boy with a throbbing headache and covered in mayo. "Wow! Your reactions are shit!" he wistfully observed with starry eyes.

"Why did you do that?!" he yelled in reply. "That hurt!"

"Because I thought the Ultimate Detective would have a single ounce of hand-eye coordination in his body, but I guess I was wrong. You're really disappointing for a detective, y'know that?"

"Yes, I know!" I knew this would end in disaster, he reminded himself.

He got right to work trying to wipe the white, sticky stuff off of his face, but only spread it to his own frustration. He felt a towel flop onto his head, and his whole body tensed up as Kokichi started to rub it into his head. "Neeheehee… You really are hopeless, aren't you Shuichi?" He felt the towel swoop over his face, and he started to pull it tight. "After all, I could still kill you at any time…"

Overtaken with fear for his life (again), the detective thrust his head backwards, into the liar's chin. The loud "Ow!" was unmistakable as Shuichi scrambled to get away from his assailant. "Geez, I was just kidding! Stop taking things so seriously, won't you?" He seemed quite miffed about the situation now that he was the one getting hurt.

"You tried to choke me!" he barked back as he tore the towel from his sticky face. Why he was still in the room was beyond him. He had every reason to leave at this point, and he must've only had a couple of minutes left. No one would blame him for leaving early, so why was he even still there?

"Huh, I didn't think you were the type of person to be bothered by getting choked."

"You didn't think I was WHAT?!"

"I think you heard me." There was that sinister grin again. A small part of him wanted to punch that smug look off his face, but only a small one. Without another word, he stood up and started to head for the door. "Aww, leaving already? Well, it's been real, it's been fun, but has it been real fun?" The detective replied with a glare. "I'll take that as a yes!" With that, Shuichi closed the door and stepped out of the room.

Why are you like this around the people you like? the liar couldn't help but ask himself.

 

Kaede was the first to remark, "Shuichi, you…"

"Must've been a real great seven minutes for you, huh!" Miu guffawed, seeing the white stuff that was still stuck in the edge of his hair and around his cheeks, and even stained his shirt. The room erupted with alarmed remarks ranging from obliviousness to wondering just how quickly things must've escalated between the two and about everything in between, leaving no room for poor Shuichi to explain.

Damn you, Kokichi.

Notes:

yes i wrote a thousand word long saioma cum joke. when did my life degrade to this