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Despite it being almost one in the morning, Yamaguchi was still awake. Not getting much sleep the night before mixed with early morning practice combined with three tests during the school day, one of which Yamaguchi forgot about entirely, his only hope was that once he gets home he should be able to take a nice nap before getting started on his weekend homework. The world has a funny way of fucking him over. Of course when he got home the first thing he was subjected to was his parents screaming at each other and even after Yam’s locked himself in his room he still heard in behind everything he did before hearing the front door slam shut and his mothers angry footsteps making their way to his room and slamming his door open.
“How can you just sit there as your father walks out on us! YOU UNGRATEFUL SHIT!” She screamed at him from the doorway, banging her fist into the wall. Yamaguchi took a deep breath as he bit the inside of his cheeks, holding back his own tears as he watched the way tears fell down his mothers freckles cheek, much like his own would look like in just a short while. Yamaguchi’s mom slammed his door shut and made her way back into her own room, slamming that door behind her too.
And that's why Yamaguchi finds himself here, pressing a damp cloth against the freshly cut thigh in an attempt to get it to stop bleeding. At some point during his mental breakdown Tsukishima texted him asking if he wanted to sneak out to hangout. Once the tears were slowing down and the damage to his thighs had been done, Yamaguchi answered yes.
Getting out of the window and onto the roof was the easy part, the hard part was getting down, despite having done it many times before he still felt nervous before jumping off. Tossing his bag into the bush below him, he sat on the edge and pushed himself off, landing on the balls of his feet and bending his knees so he doesn’t get hurt. Yamaguchi picked up his bag from where it landed in the nearby bush and started his short walk to Tsukishima’s house.
Tsukishima was already sitting outside waiting for Yamaguchi’s arrival. He sat on the chair under the porch light like he always did while waiting for Yam’s. Yamaguchi realized as he was walking up that Tsukishima was wearing a tank top that had those big ass arm holes that went down really far on the shirt and a regular old pair of ripped blue jeans. Uncharacteristically, Tsukishima had a Corona beer in his hands. Yamaguchi himself was wearing a plain black T-shirt and some shorts that had a bad habit of riding up his ass.
Yamaguchi walked up the steps onto the porch. Tsukki stood up as Yamaguchi wrapped his arms around him, bringing Tsukki into a much needed hug. Tsukishima would never admit it to anyone else but he hugged back.
“Do ya want a beer?” Tsukishima asked as he pulled away from the hug to place his beer on the small porch table.
“Yeah, actually. Please?” Yamaguchi added the please on as he sat down in the chair next to the one Tsukki was just in. Tsukishima walked inside the house as Yamaguchi pulled out his weed, a pipe and a lighter and packed the bowl while he waited for Tsukishima. As Yam’s tossed the sandwich baggie of weed back into his backpack Tsukishima stepped back outside, unopened Carona in his hands being held out to him. “Thanks!” Yamaguchi smiled as he set the beer on the table to be opened in a moment.
“Welcome,” Tsukishima sat down in his own chair and picked up his beer and took a swig. Yamaguchi held the bowl to his mouth and lit it, breathing in the smoke and holding it in his lungs before passing it to Tsukishima, who put his beer back down to grab it. Yamaguchi grabbed his beer and opened it with practiced ease. With how many times Tsukki has stolen his dad’s beers for them, they would have to be stupid to not have opening Carona’s as second nature. Yamaguchi took a swig and looked over at Tsukki who was exhaling his hit and handing the bowl back over to Yam’s.
The two boys passed the bowl back and forth between each other until it was empty. At which point, Yamaguchi took it upon himself to roll a nice joint because, what other way is a teen supposed to push back going home. As Yamaguchi lit the joint and inhaled he looked over at Tsukishima who was leaning back in his chair and chugging the last of his beer. Yam’s noticed how Tsukki’s ribs have been protruding more than usual, how his wrists were skinnier than usual. Yamaguchi realized how skinny Tsukishima was getting again. Yamaguchi took his couple of hits and handed it over to Tsukki, who took it between two fingers and brought it to his pale lips to take his own drag.
“Whenever you smoke anything you always like to hold it like a cigarette.” Yamaguchi comments, not as a bad thing, more as a plain old observation of his best friend.
“Hm, guess so. Probably just a habit.” Tsukishima knew he didn’t have to go into too much detail about that part of his life, especially when talking to Yamaguchi. He took another drag and handed it back to Yamaguchi.
“You better be cutting back. Nicotine isn’t that good for you.” Yamaguchi said as he took the joint and took a hit himself.
“Really? Nicotine is bad. Says the dude with a joint in one hand, beer in the other.” Tsukishima laughed out.
“I never said beer was any better, but yes weed is better than cigarettes and that's just a fact.” Yamaguchi retorted before taking another deep inhale and handing it back to Tsukishima.
Similar dumb banter continued until the joint was becoming too small to smoke and Yam’s beer was mostly done. Yamaguchi handed the roach off to Tsukishima with a vague comment about how he should go do something with it. Tsukishima put it out on his hand and then passed it back over to Yamaguchi.
“You know I don't like it when you do that.” Yamaguchi looked at Tsukishima as he tossed the roach into his bag. Tsukishima reached into his pants pocket and pulled out his pack of cigarettes. “Tsukki,” Yamaguchi started in a warning tone.
“I’ve only had four today. This is number five.” Tsukishima puts the cig in his mouth and lights it with Yamaguchi’s lighter. Yamaguchi chugs down the rest of his beer and puts the bottle on the table. He looks down into his own lap, realizing just how far the shorts rode up his thighs over the past few hours.
“You’re cutting again. Why?” Tsukishima looks down at Yamaguchi’s thigh before looking back up at his face.
“You’re starving yourself again. Why?” Yamaguchi mimicked back as he reached over to run a finger over Tsukishima’s protruding ribs. Tsukishima took a drag before sighing and looking up at Yamaguchi and putting the cig in between his two fingers.
“Thing’s have just felt crazy lately, I needed to feel in control of something just to feel powerful, even for a moment.” Tsukishima sighed as he lifted his foot onto his own chair and rested his face on his knee and placed his cig back into his mouth. “Your turn to spill your guts.” Yamaguchi sighed and turned to face Tsukishima.
“I just wanted to feel something other than the pain in my head, even if i was just feeling more pain, the fact that it was visible and real and just not mental bullshit, just,” Yamaguchi sighed “It made me feel a little less stupid for how I felt about everything else in my head.” Yamaguchi reached out and grabbed Tsukishima’s hand, rubbing his thumbs over his knuckles. “I can’t promise I won’t do it again and I know you won’t promise you won’t starve yourself again, but can we at least promise we will try to get better, for each other?”
Tsukishima stared into Yamaguchi’s tear filled eyes and nodded his head. “Yeah. I’ll at least promise you that.” Tsukishima took a final drag from his cig before dropping it on the ground and stamping it out with his foot.
“I’m holding you accountable for that. That's a true promise held to all rules and will be used against you if you break the friendship promise code.” Yamaguchi held Tsukishima’s hand tightly in his own. “Shake on it.”
“If you insist.” Tsukishima chuckles and shakes hands with Yamagchi. Yamaguchi looks at his phone checking the time and realizing it was four a.m.
“I don’t want to go home yet.” Yamaguchi pouted slightly.
“Then don’t. Stay the night here. I don’t care and we sure as hell ain’t got school tomorrow, It’s friday.” Tsukki spoke.
“Well technically it's Saturday now.” Yamaguchi giggled out and Tsukishima glared at him.
“Shut up and make out with me already.” Tsukishima chuckled back as he grabbed Yamaguchi by the shirt collar and dragged him into a kiss.