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A low groan filled the empty hallway that housed the living quarters of the All-Maudra and her family. Tolyn rubbed his sore back as he made his way to his post, just outside of Princess Seladon’s bedroom.
He’d been assigned to the Royal Citadel as part of a soldier-exchange program. It was his job to represent the Castle of the Crystal and teach the snooty Ha’rar paladins the training regimen for Castle soldiers, as well as to learn the techniques the Vapra employ, to better prepare both militaries for possible battle situations. He’d just got back from a morning training session that hadn’t exactly gone well for him.
Damn that Tavra! Who does she think she is, humiliating a Castle soldier like that? Grr…One day, I shall have my vengeance. Her, Rian, Gurjin, the whole lot of ‘em. They shall all bow to me! At least I don’t have to follow her or her annoying little smip of a sister around. The heir isn’t nearly so irritating. Ought to take a switch to that little one, barraging me with all those stupid questions! By the Lords, I can’t wait until this assignment is over.
Just as he’d finally finished limping into position, Seladon’s doors nearly slammed open, the heir storming out in a huff, Tolyn struggling to follow. The princess didn’t even spare notice of his injury, walking quickly down the hallway. Lucky for him, they didn’t have to go far, Seladon choosing to have her tantrum in the nearby royal sitting room.
He arrived at the room in time to witness the heir knocking a chair over as she grumbled to herself.
“Ugh! That Brea. She can be just. So. Frustrating! No matter how sound my arguments are, she always gets her way. Silly, spoiled little…Little…”
“Smip?” Seladon started at the sudden voice, turning to face her new bodyguard. Tolyn blushed in embarrassment, hoping he hadn’t overstepped. “Forgive me, Princess. I did not mean to speak out of turn, but I do understand your feelings. I myself must deal with troublesome little fools in my work at the Castle.” He was pleasantly surprised when Seladon did not immediately rebuke him for his words against Brea. Perhaps this princess was actually worth befriending. She confirmed his thoughts in her response.
“Tch! Annoying little whelp! Brea is Mother’s favorite. No matter how hard I try, it’s always, ‘Seladon, you can wait. Brea has something important she needs to tell me about fizzgigs,’ or ‘Seladon, your wings are crooked. Why can’t you be perfect, like Brea?’ Grr! Sometimes, I just wish Brea were gone.” Tolyn nodded in understanding.
“I know what you mean. I’ve got these two childling-like guardsmen that drive me up a wall! You know what cheers me up?” Seladon shook her head. “Thinking up different, imaginative ways to be rid of them!” Tolyn’s voice got higher in his excitement, and he giggled evilly, before catching himself. Seladon quirked a brow at him.
“What do you mean?” Tolyn flashed her a wicked grin.
“Well, the guards I mentioned always fool around and steal treats from the Lord's food carts, so what if the Podlings that deliver the carts got fed up and tainted the food and the guards died of poisoning? Or, what if they tripped and fell off the Castle wall, breaking every bone in their bodies, forcing them to quit the guard forever? Ahh…it’s wonderful to dream about. So, would you care to try? It’s very cathartic.” Seladon stared at Tolyn for a bit, mulling things over in her mind.
This guard is strange. But in an odd way, he makes sense. Besides, it’s not like Brea is actually dying, so what’s the harm?
“Perhaps I will give it a try.” Seladon thought for a moment. “What if…What if…Oh, this is silly.” Seladon started pacing, still frustrated and angry. Tolyn rolled his eyes, moving to block her path.
“It’s not silly. Well, maybe it is, but it’s meant to be. You need to learn to relax, Princess. Using your imagination to physically harm your family and others you live with in hypothetical situations is perfectly fine, so long as the thoughts stay in your head.” Tolyn looked at Seladon, who was all but shaking with the stress Brea had caused her. He thought for a moment, before continuing. “It may be wrong of me to suggest this, but has her highness ever considered trying a bit of fogweed? It eases the mind and relaxes the body.” Tolyn pulled a small pipe and a bit of dry herb from his pocket, offering both to Seladon, who stared at him, astonished.
“I can’t believe you’re offering the heir to the Vapran throne fogweed. The thought of me using that stuff is ridiculous. It’s laughable! It’s…It’s…Oh, hand it over.” As soon as Tolyn had packed the pipe, Seladon snatched it out of his hand. After a moment or two of just staring at it, she addressed the guard again. “Umm…how does this thing work, anyway?” Tolyn laughed, pulling a fire charm out of his other pocket. He flicked it open, gesturing for Seladon to put the pipe in her mouth, before leaning forward and holding the flame to the herbs.
“Suck in, but don’t-” Seladon didn’t wait to hear the whole sentence, taking a huge inhale. Almost immediately, she began coughing, eyes turning red and watery as she tried to expel the flames it felt like she’d inhaled. Tolyn was glad he remembered to close the door to the room. He handed her his canteen, hoping a bit of wine might help her throat. She grabbed the container, taking a huge swig before going into another round of coughing.
Just great, Tolyn. First you suggest she let off steam by thinking up gruesome ends for her little sister, and now not only did you give her drugs, you also got her drunk! Well, nothing for it now.
Tolyn took back his pipe, before taking a toke. As the fogweed did its work, peaceful serenity overcame him. Who cares if he’ll get in trouble? Everything was fine, now. Expelling the smoke through his nose, he looked back at the princess, who’d finally stopped coughing. Her eyes were cloudy, and she swayed where she stood, a look of euphoria spread slowly across her face and she giggled before shambling over to sit heavily in a chair. She stared at him with a goofy grin before patting the seat of the chair next to her.
“Ahh…this feels sooo, good…I should’ve tried this sooner, but nooo. It’s improper for a princess to use fogweed or-or to drink in excess.” Her words were slurred and flighty.
She must not drink very often. That wasn’t even strong stuff and she’s already drunk off her arse. Talk about an entertaining morning.
Tolyn’s body became more and more relaxed, as did his mind and tongue.
“You know what the problem is with Princess Brea? She’s way too damn curious for her own good. Too bad she didn’t die in a fire.” Seladon didn’t hesitate to join in his fantasy this time.
“Too bad she didn’t fall and break her neck when flying.” Seladon began to chuckle at the thought, imagining her little sister leaping from a balcony, floating comically in the air before flailing as she suddenly dropped to the earth below, leaving a gelfling-shaped crater in the snow. Tolyn grinned, glad the girl was finally participating. Perhaps he wouldn’t get in trouble for this after all.
“Too bad she didn’t get trampled by Landstriders.” Seladon laughed harder, now imagining a line of landstriders running over the scholar, rewinding the image in her mind so she could watch it again.
“Too bad she didn’t get crushed by a shelf full of her precious books.” Tolyn liked that one, starting to join in the laughter.
“I guess, in that case it would be an instance of curiosity killed the brat.” Seladon laughed harder at that one, letting out a loud snort at the end, causing Tolyn to curl in his seat with guffaws.
Neither noticed the doors to the room opening as Tavra peeked inside. She’d finished placating her younger sister and now went to listen to the complaints of her elder. She did not, however, expect to find Seladon laughing hysterically with the annoying Castle guard she’d dealt with earlier.
“Too bad she wasn’t eaten by fizzgigs!”
“Too bad she didn’t drown at sea!”
“Too bad she wasn’t skewered by a sword!”
“Too bad she wasn’t crushed by a carriage!”
“Too bad the Lords didn’t invent a machine that drinks life essence, so she could be hooked up and drained!”
"Yeah right. As if that would ever happen!"
Both gelfling were on the floor, their lungs heaving from lack of breath. Tavra stared at them with raised brows, suddenly uncomfortable with the whole situation.
What the fuck did I just walk into?
Tavra slowly backed out of the room, disappearing out the door to peals of laughter.