Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

(Okay, hi everyone! this story was gonna get deleted in like 3 minutes so im just publishing it now. but if you are interested in reading this story then do stick around!! ill have the first chapter up soon, i promise!)

Edit from 2023: I know it’s like an inside joke that fanfic writers apologize too much when they don’t update their stories when their life is literally going up into flames BUT I GENUINELY APOLOGIZE I HAD SO MUCH HOPE FOR THIS FIC BUT I GOT LAZY LMAO

Anyways it’s not dead anymore just skip to chapter 2 :)

Chapter Text

“And the brat just walked out of there all smug-like,” Levi sipped bitterly on the coffee Mikasa had so graciously bought for him. 

Black, no cream or sugar, like the maniac he was. 

They stood in the parking lot of Paradis High School, taking in the chilly morning air and the serenity of an almost empty parking lot. Mikasa leaned back on the side of her car, sipping on her own warm drink. 

“So, were they gonna let the disciplinary committee deal with him?” Mikasa questioned, moving her hand to adjust the scarf. The scarf she no longer wore. She furrowed her eyebrows, moving her hand away quickly as though she’d been burned. It was an embarrassing habit she picked up over the years, but after finally throwing the damn thing out, you would think it would’ve stopped. Instead, she pulled her red turtle neck up higher, trying to stay warm.

“And let them suffer? No. Eyebrows said he’d deal with him personally,” Levi said. “Whatever the hell that means.” 

Mikasa chuckled at that. She moved from her car, checking the time on her phone. She clicked her tongue, disappointed her zero period would begin so soon. 

“I’m gonna get going then. Sasha wanted me to meet her before class.” 

Levi shrugged, putting his empty hand into his coat pocket, “I’ll see you after school then, kid.” 

“Yeah.”

Eren Yeager had come back to school after an indefinite leave of absence. For what? Mikasa had no clue. It was longer than normal, a couple months at best. 

It was lunchtime, so Mikasa adjusted the books in her locker, switching out what she needed for her next two classes. She found herself drawn to the mirror she kept on the locker door, hung with cutesy stickers and various Polaroid pictures she’s taken over the years with her and her friends. None of Eren though. 

She adjusted herself, smoothing down her short hair and reapplying the black lip gloss that she loved.

Over the years, her sense of style has grown, much like her. In middle school and into early high school, she had been a dedicated goth. Now, she was exploring different types of fashion, especially after becoming closer with Historia. In fact, she was a lot closer to most of her classmates now than she was before. After Eren had left her and Armin, she thought her world had changed for the worse. But it didn’t. 

And she smiled. 

“Did you hear? He had started a fight with Jean! The dude hasn’t even been here for one day and he’s already sending people to the hospital!” 

“No way! What a jerk! I mean—Jean deserves it. But still! Who does he think he is?” 

“Eren didn’t send anyone to the hospital. Jean is fine, I went to check on him in the nurses office.” 

“I cannot believe I bet twenty-dollars on that idiot! I believed in him!” 

“Can you guys quit your gossiping?! God!” Ymir yawned loudly. Her head crashed onto Historia’s desk, prompting the short blond to pet her girlfriend’s head in reassurance. Ymir had sat in the seat in front of Historia, turning her body to face the three as they conversed. She was too tired for this. 

“I’m sorry Ymir. It’s ‘cause Eren came back to town so suddenly, so everyone’s been on edge lately.” Historia explained, combing her fingers through the other’s hair.

“That Yeager kid is back?” Ymir had said, almost annoyed. 

“Yeah!” Sasha confirmed loudly. “I saw him man-handling Jean in the hallway earlier!” 

“Did you see his new man bun? Forster was all over that guy! Yeeeesh!” Connie had interjected. 

Historia sighed, “Jean was pretty beat up. But he was alright.” She said to Ymir mostly, the other two had been bickering since this morning, and were no help in quelling rumors spreading through the school. Jean used to go on and on about how much he’d been practicing martial arts recently, and Sasha actually had faith in him when the impromptu fight occurred. So much so that she had actually bet Annie money he would win. 

Ymir snorted, “Eren’s supposed to be in like, 3 of my classes. Never saw him once today. I wonder what admin is doing about him.” 

Historia tilted her head, “I don’t know. You know his father is influential, maybe that has something to do with it.” Her free hand went to the phone on her lap, and she tapped it curiously, “I don’t know what Eren got himself into—I just hope Mikasa is okay.” 

Surprisingly, Mikasa and Armin sat in silence. She brushed her fingers through the wet grass, and let out a breath as a cool breeze swept across the baseball field. They both sat under a tree, the one they had always sat at for lunch since they were freshman. 

Armin munched on a sandwich, one his grandfather prepared for him. Mikasa sipped on a capri-sun. Grape. Scandalous, I know. 

Their conversation about the day was dull, much like the winter weather they had been having lately. None said a word about Eren. And that was fine. 

To Mikasa, she didn’t really want to talk about him. What happened four years ago was in the past, even if her heart still ached every time she saw him pass by in the hallway. But she turned to Armin, who had such a sad look on his face. Sad wasn’t quite the word. Maybe distant? 

“Are you gonna miss this place, Mikasa?” 

That had brought her out of her trance. She hadn’t realized she was staring at him. He looked at her in curiosity. It took her a moment to realize what he meant. Earlier that week they were discussing where they wanted to go for college. A grim scenario for Juniors of course, but the two were at the top of their class, and it was something brought up by Levi. She had decided on Helos University, up north. It wasn’t very prestigious but she was sure nobody from her small town would bother her there in her studies. 

Armin almost excitedly said he wanted to attend there too, but he was worried about his grandfather.

“No.” Mikasa replied. Armin’s eyes shook, but he nodded. 

“I think I’m having trouble letting go of the past,” He said while beginning to hug his knees. 

Mikasa pursed her lips. She hesitated for a moment before moving closer to Armin. She was never the best in comforting her friends, a fact that Armin constantly denied, but she didn’t really know what to say in situations like this. Placing her hand on his knee, she gave a weak smile, “We still have two years Armin. We have plenty of time to settle our differences with this damned town.” She said a little more aggressively than intended, but Armin knew she was just trying to joke around. 

And he smiled. 

We have plenty of time to settle our differences with this damned town. 

It echoed in her mind as she struggled to sleep.

Dinner that evening had been uneventful. For the past couple years she had been staying with her cousin Levi. Some nights, Hange, the crazed chemistry teacher Levi swore up and down he did not have a thing for, would swing by and join them for supper. But that did not happen tonight. But Mikasa enjoyed Levi’s company nonetheless. 

After scrolling mindlessly through her phone for a couple hours, she decided to hit the sack at the ripe old time of two am. Not something ideal since she had her zero period in the morning, but she would live.

She hated being hypocritical, but she could not stop thinking about Eren. She remembers them playing in this bedroom as children. Her eyes lowered to the uneven floorboard near the door that had come loose many years ago after an impressive display of childhood shenanigans. She remembers putting up glow in the dark stickers on her ceiling that Eren insisted on having, which were still there albeit not as bright. It made her sigh deeply. 

She wondered how it all managed to fall apart.

No.

She knew how it all managed to fall apart.

She threw off her blanket, stepping into her slippers on the floor, almost tripping on a dumbbell she had forgotten to put away after working out earlier. Making her way to her desk, she realized that there was some truth to the words she told Armin. 

She may have made her peace with this town. But she has not made her peace with him . She pulled out a notebook from her tote bag, and flipped to a random page.

She was going to write a letter to him. For when they graduate high school in two years. She hoped he wouldn’t be dead by then with how much trouble Eren was getting into these days, her eyes darkened at the thought. 

Mikasa wrote it all in one go. Her thoughts, hopes, feelings, goals. What she thought of him back then, now, and maybe in the future. She clicked her pen.

Her therapist had told her writing out her thoughts and emotions helps with her repressed emotions and memories, which is why she kept a diary of sorts. 

She knew deep down she really wasn’t going to give it to him, but she sealed it in an envelope, addressing it to him (she still remembered his address instinctually), and put it in a shoebox hidden in her closet.

With another sigh, a relieved one this time, Mikasa settled into bed once more.

In two years Eren. 

And she had gone to sleep.