Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Do you ever relax, Nyota?” her Orion roommate questioned in her native language as they spoke in Yrevish when in their rooms at Nyota’s request, lounging on her sloppily made bed in her underwear and looking up at her with mock pleading eyes, “I’m concerned I’ll come in after a night of fun to find you dead of a heart attack or whatever it is stress leads to in humans.”

She snorted, barely looking up from her PADD, “And what happens to Orions when they become overly stressed, then?”

The redhead shrugged, “I wouldn’t know. We usually have some hot, kinky sex before it gets to that point.”

After a year of rooming together Gaila’s openness about sex didn’t bother her anymore but she rolled her eyes anyway. She ignored Gaila’s pointed look, or tried to.
“Just because it works for Orions doesn’t mean that it will work for me, didn’t you learn anything in cultural sensitivity training?”

Gaila actually had the nerve to pout at her and Nyota hid her face behind her PADD to hide her smile.

“I’m just worried about my best friend’s health! It can’t be good to be so wound up all the time. And besides,” she trailed off, getting up from her bed and plopping herself down next to the human, “I can smell the pheromones from you a mile off when we’re in Physics and that positively delicious Vulcan is teaching and-”

Nyota clapped a hand over her mouth, “Please stop,” she was blushing and was glad that her darker skin slightly hid that fact, “I never should have told you about that.”

“You didn’t have to tell me about it. Anyone with a working nose would know just by stepping into the classroom,” the Orion replied from behind her fingers, the words muffled slightly. Then she stuck her tongue out and licked a stripe up Nyota’s palm.

“Disgusting!” Nyota squealed, rubbing her hand on her comforter before turning to her roommate with a hounded look, “That’s not true, is it? It’s not that obvious, surely. I mean, if it is I may not ever have the courage to step foot out of this room again.”

“Well it would be obvious to anyone who knew what a horny Nyota smells like,” she put a hand up to stop the human’s complaint, “Obviously I would know what that smells like...we live together. It would be more strange if I didn’t. But what I mean by that was that the average super sniffer in the class or around campus wouldn’t be able to really tell that it was coming from you specifically in such a crowded environment.”

Nyota let out a relieved breath, “I’m glad to hear it.”

“I don’t get why humans are so embarrassed about pheromones. It’s natural. And besides, surely it’s better to know who is attracted to who so no misunderstandings happen.”

“Not when said attraction is against Starfleet policy,” she chided, the sentiment more for herself than her roommate.

Gaila gave her a friendly pat on the shoulder, “You know as well as I do that Starfleet doesn’t give a fuck about any of that fraternisation bullshit as long as favouritism isn’t involved and well, he’s a Vulcan. No one would ever accuse him of something so emotional as favouritism, no matter who it was. You two could be all ‘Vulcan married’,” she used air quotes, something Nyota had taught her about last week and had taken to using far too often, “and I don’t think they’d care.”

Nyota knew that her roommate was doing her best to cheer her up. In Gaila’s mind it was as simple as walking up to Lieutenant Commander Spock and jumping his bones which, if it had been Gaila in Nyota’s position, probably would have worked. Vulcan or not, no man could resist the charms of an Orion woman who had her mind set on trying to seduce them. The image of Gaila and the professor in an illicit situation came unbidden to her mind and it made her vaguely nauseous.

“I don’t think that Spock is capable of viewing any of his students in anything but a professional light, Gaila. Much as I may wish that wasn’t the case...I am happy with seeing him in class and occasionally talking to him afterwards regarding a question I may have, I really am.”

“Who are you trying to convince here, Ny? ‘Cause it isn’t me.”

“I know, I just want that to be true. If this starts to affect my studies I will never forgive myself.”

The Orion looked as though she was going to make one of her jokes about Nyota being a swot but seemed to think better of it which she was grateful for.

Nyota grimaced and flung down her PADD to the bed which was already full with one human and one Orion sitting on it, plus her notebook and pencil case. She preferred to write things out by hand when she was learning vocabulary as it reinforced the information but she didn’t know anyone else who used a physical notebook anymore, most people just used a stylus to write on their PADD but she enjoyed the feeling of having created something where there wasn’t anything before. It made her feel like her knowledge was actually expanding. Though what she would do with all of her notebooks once she had graduated was a mystery, ‘give them to a museum ready for when you become admiral in 5 years’ Gaila had said once but realistically she knew that they’d end up in her parent’s attic until she retired from active duty and was stationed planet-side.

Gaila got up and started to rummage through her closet before pulling out a complicated-looking dress that Nyota had to help her roommate put on once before; it amounted to a series of straps that just about covered what legally had to be covered and not much else.

“Is this too much?” She asked, holding it up to her body and looking at herself in the mirror dubiously.

“Depends what you mean, Gaila. Too much for literally anyone else in the academy? Yes. Too much for you? No. Well,” she amended, “what type are you going for?”

It was a game that the two of them had started playing pretty much right from when they had first started rooming together. Depending on who the Orion was trying to seduce, they would try to create the perfect appearance for them. Gaila had said that it was a game that played with her sisters and the look on her face had been so devastated at remembering them that Nyota never had the heart to bring up how deceitful and downright creepy this was by human standards. On one notable occasion it had demanded that they go and buy a pair of glasses (really, who used glasses nowadays?) when they found out one Andorian had a thing for early 20th-century Terran librarians. The long skirt, demure blouse, cardigan and loafers that had completed the look were beyond bizarre on her friend and Nyota had made sure to take some photos of her before she had dashed out into the night, on the hunt for sex.

She hummed in thought, “No one in particular, though I haven’t had anyone very muscly in a while...too bad Klingons are all such dicks 'cause I could really go for one right now.”

“I will never get over how you treat men like types of food,” Nyota snorted, picking her PADD up and flipping to the notes she had taken during her Tellerite lecture that day.

“It’s just how we are...didn’t you learn anything in cultural sensitivity training?”

Hearing her own words parroted back to her by her amused roommate made her roll her eyes and focus onto her PADD with more attention, she’d never get any studying done at this rate. While she had managed to take down comprehensive notes for her Tellerite lecture, she found that going through her notes later that day and writing them down helped a lot. Nyota was too embarrassed to take notes using a physical notebook in class but like with her vocabulary, she found that writing the information down helped a lot with her retention, and at the very least, made any questions she needed to ask the professor stand out. If her note taking on the point wasn’t comprehensive enough to use to teach someone with, that meant that she didn’t understand the subject matter well enough. Before she settled down to revising her notes she had one last thing she needed to do.

“The black dress would work much better if you want a big, strong man. Gotta play up to the damsel in distress image, maybe wear your silver heels. You know, the really tall ones? They’ll just have to give you a piggyback ride then.”

“Oh, Nyota! You are the best friend an Orion could wish for!”

She was enveloped in a practically naked hug, something else that she had quickly gotten used to in her year of rooming with her green-skinned friend.

“Are you sure you won’t come with me? I always ask you to come out with me and you rarely do but come on,” she whined, “You’re up to date with all of your work, ahead even. You’re revising notes that I know damn well are practically perfect for a language that you already speak fluently. I know you’re in the advanced class, before you say anything, but really? What is going through your own notes going to accomplish? Also,” this time she flashed her saddest, most forlorn cow eyes up at her, “it makes me sad to see you wasting the prettiest years of your life obsessed with studying and Lieutenant Commander Spock, who is basically the personification of studying anyway,” Gaila switched to Standard, “Live a little!”

Nyota sighed, she could see the justice in what her friend was saying. It wasn’t like she was going to fall behind just from one night out.

“And besides,” Gaila continued, “it’s a Friday night. No classes tomorrow. So there really is no excuse to bail on me. Again.”

“I’m sorry I’ve been AWOL lately, I have been paying too much attention to my studies and not enough to my friends,” Nyota took her cue from her friend and switched to Standard too.

“Remember that there’s a body attached to that big brain of yours. So, will you come out tonight?”

“Alright, since you asked so nicely.”

Gaila pulled away from their entirely too-long and too-naked hug, “Thank you, thank you, thank you! Everyone is going to be there! Hikaru will be there, he’s the strong, silent type and a real hottie-I’m sure I’ve pointed him out to you on campus before. Then there’s Oragar, you haven’t met her but she’s this awesome Andorian and then there’s Jim who I know you don’t like but he’ll for sure buy us a few rounds and you can’t turn that down and who else….?”

Nyota tuned out her friend’s rambling and instead turned off her PADD and placed it on her bedside table. If she was going to go out then she needed something to wear. She had about three dresses in her closet and she’d worn them all so much that she found them to be pretty boring.

“Gaila,” she interrupted, “don’t make me regret this but...can I borrow one of your dresses?”

Gaila actually screamed in delight.

The cold San Francisco air hit her as the two women got out from the metro and walked their way up what was colloquially known as ‘Sin Street’. Clubs and bars lined both sides of the street as far as the eye could see and the flashing neon signs meant that Nyota found it tough for her eyes to settle onto any one place, it made her feel tipsy already and she hadn’t had anything to drink yet.

“Where are we meeting the others?” She asked, “It’s freezing and I’m beginning to regret allowing you to put me in your green dress. This thing is tiny.”

Gaila replied in Yrevish, “I’ll have you know that dress is considered very demure on Orion, you can’t even see your belly button. Just your legs and arms.”

“And chest,” Nyota retorted, glaring down at the offending garment and pulling it up harshly before regretting it and pulling it down at the back quickly.

“It would show some chest if you stopped pulling it up every ten seconds,” back to Standard now as they neared a club called Tundra, “Also we’re meeting everyone here, it was Oragar’s suggestion. Jim is late no doubt but I can see Oragar and Hikaru in there now.”

Luckily Tundra was only kept at a temperature slightly lower than what humans preferred and not at a level comfortable to the Andorians that likely owned the place. Nyota was thankful for their consideration as the two of them made their way over to Gaila’s friends. While she wouldn’t call herself a recluse, she definitely didn’t have half the social circle that Gaila did and it took her half an hour and three Cardassian Sunrises to feel truly comfortable around Hikaru and Oragar.

“Care to dance with me?” Hikaru asked and Nyota was about to politely decline when she felt a sharp elbow from Gaila in her ribs.

“Alright but not for too long. There’s a Shi’Kar slammer with my name on it when I get back,” she shouted above the music as they made their way to the packed dance floor.

“Oh, you really know how to party then, Uhura.”

No one except for Gaila called her by her first name, it wasn’t a choice she had consciously made to keep her first name as something intimate and separate from her life at the academy but it was too late to change now this far in. Besides, it was good practice for when she was serving on a starship, she’d hopefully be Lieutenant Uhura before long.

The press of bodies soon warmed her up and the two of them were dancing with abandon. He was a good dancer but she was thankful that he wasn’t trying anything suggestive with her as she didn’t feel particularly attracted to him. He took her hand and spun her around and she laughed, the spinning and the flashing lights above her conspiring with the drinks she’d had to make her stumble slightly. She crashed into a warm body, a very warm body and she backed off quickly. Looking up, her eyes widened.

“Spock?”

The man frowned and met her eyes. He wasn’t her professor though the resemblance between them was strong. Both were tall with dark hair styled into that ridiculous bowl cut, slanted eyebrows, an austere expression and that green-tinged pale skin. But his nose was longer and his eyes were completely different, dark without any of the depth of the Lieutenant Commander. Seeing a Vulcan in the middle of the dance floor was the last thing she had expected and she took another step back so as to give him the space that he presumably required. Losing her balance for a second she wobbled but the man reached out and steadied her, his hand was hot against the bare skin of her upper arm. Even in her alcohol-addled mind, she knew that Vulcans didn’t touch people like that, not even if it was to stop them from falling over and she was vaguely aware of how his hand was still on her arm when he spoke again.

“We have not met before and my name is not Spock, it is Solkar,” his voice carried surprisingly well over the music and she knew that she didn’t need to raise her voice for him to hear her.

“Nyota.”

“Nyota,” he repeated, hand still on her arm, “a beautiful name. It befits you.”

“Thank you,” Nyota found that she didn’t mind that he hadn’t let go of her, even if he could likely read her mind at that moment. She was too drunk to care.

Were they making out by Vulcan standards now? She mused.

“No, we are not,” Solkar replied to her thoughts and it startled her, “though this behaviour would not be acceptable in such a public place on Vulcan.”

“So why are you doing it?” She asked in Vulcan. Those two shots of vodka she’d had before getting up to dance with Hikaru were hitting her all at once now and none of what was happening felt fully real. If she tried, she could pretend he was Spock.

“Well,” he replied in the same language, his tone far more animated than any of the Vulcan tapes she had listened to, “we both have something to gain, it seems. You are enamoured with this Spock? Interesting that a human could have such feelings towards one of my kind.”

She blushed, “Feelings that are not returned. And what do you have to gain?”

“It is not spoken of, even among Vulcans.”

Nyota frowned in confusion but didn’t press any further, the heat of his skin against hers took her mind off of her curiosity.

Solkar regarded her with dark eyes. If Hikaru minded being ditched, he hadn’t said anything and Nyota could see him standing next to Gaila who was giving her an ecstatic thumbs-up

from the bar.
“You want to know what it is to engage with a Vulcan so as to know what it would be like with this Vulcan that you are enamoured with,” it wasn’t a question. Nyota knew that he had gathered that much from her thoughts and she pulled her wrist out of his grasp.

“I do,” she saw no point in lying. “But I do not engage in,” she tried to think of a way to translate hookup into Vulcan, “sexual acts with strangers.”

“That is no issue,” he replied. “There is much I could show you within those particular boundaries.”

The music pounded in her ears and she swayed slightly on her feet and she wished, despite herself, that his inhumanly warm hand was back on her. She wasn’t cold anymore, the alcohol kept her warm but she still wished for that alien heat.

“What do you mean?” The question sounded wrong in Vulcan, the more formal ‘please explain’ was generally used but she couldn’t be bothered with speaking properly at that moment.

“Ozh’esta,” he replied simply and Nyota had never heard that word, “would you be amenable to it? It is perhaps less intimate than a human kiss and so would fall into the parameters of non-sexual contact, at least in your estimation.”

“What is it?”

“It is simpler to show you.”

With that he took her hand in his and moved it so it was facing, palm outwards, in front of her and she was glad that he seemed to know what he was doing as she had no idea how to continue. He let go of her hand for a moment and she felt oddly like she was asking him for a high-five before his index and middle fingers met hers. A light touch, barely a graze compared to how he had been touching her earlier and yet. And yet. Sparks shot through her hand and up her arm and she gasped, forgetting where she was and how many people were around. He rubbed the two fingers along hers and she had to fight to not moan, the sensation was like nothing she’d felt before. It felt like the satisfying drag of lips against lips except much more electric. If this was what Vulcans did with their hands she understood why they didn’t shake hands with people. Feeling slightly braver, she moved her fingers against his slightly and she felt approval from him. The telepathic contact made her want to take notes, it was fascinating. He ran his finger in between hers the sensation could only be likened to the feeling of a hand running lightly over her hips, the fleeting sensation of the tease mixed with the promise of more. This was beginning to get out of hand, Nyota thought, head spinning. Solkar pulled his hand away from hers for a brief moment and then ran one finger up her palm and she swore she could have fainted in that moment, the sensation from the contact was so strong and so alien to her.

“It seems that your curiosity for the sensations of Vulcan intimate contact runs deeper than either of us thought. Perhaps…” He trailed off in a manner that was distinctly un-Vulcan. Nyota had had boyfriends in the past but she wasn’t experienced like Gaila, but who was? Still, one-night stands just weren’t her style at all. But, the unhelpful part of her mind argued, this might be the only chance you get to experience this and besides, if you squint maybe you could pretend it’s Spock.

Disgusted with herself, Nyota focused her attention back to the present, choosing to ignore his pointed invitation.

Time seemed to still completely as they stood there, unmoving, hands touching in a sea of writhing bodies. Nyota was just about to give up all sense of propriety and kiss him the human way when a voice jolted her out of her reverie.

“Norma! Good to see that you aren’t completely frigid, though if you wanted to hold hands you could have just asked me.”

“Kirk,” she scowled. Turning to face him, “My name is not Norma.”

“Well, I know that now. Anyway, we’re about to head to a different club. But feel free to stay here if you want, I’ll let Gaila know you’re busy,” the way he said it made her come back to reality. What was she doing? She never did anything like this. This Vulcan was a complete stranger and she had allowed him to have telepathic contact with her? Nyota felt so incredibly stupid that she simply wanted to go back to her dorm and wallow but the thought of her friend made her put on a brave face.

“No, I was just about to go. We were simply engaged in a bit of an experiment, Solkar has been kind enough to demonstrate some cultural practices to me.”

“Indeed,” the Vulcan said blandly.

“Oh really?” Kirk leered, “I’ll have to remember to use that line sometime.”

Nyota’s frown deepened, she just wanted to leave this place, “Where are the others?”

He jerked his thumb over to by the door where Gaila was chatting with the bouncer who looked like he was about to trip and fall face first into her chest.

“Alright,” she turned to the Vulcan, “It was nice meeting you, Solkar,” she switched to Vulcan as she held up the ta’al, “Live long and prosper.”

He held up his hand in an answering salute, those long fingers looking almost ridiculous in such an innocent pose when she knew what they had been doing earlier. Nyota was unsure that she would ever fully take the Vulcan stoicism at face value ever again, “Peace and long life.”

For the rest of the night Nyota found her mind occupied. She danced and drank and tried to have fun for Gaila’s sake but her heart wasn’t in it. Kirk did end up buying her a few drinks and she even let him dance with her for a bit but that bit of magnanimousness on her part took out the last of her willpower.

Early that morning she got back to her dorm alone, Gaila having gone off with a different bouncer, and dragged herself to bed. Her hand still tingled traitorously. The entire night had gotten away from her, she had meant to be studying and now Saturday was likely going to be a write-off too if Nyota ended up half as hungover as she suspected she would. But that man…she felt slightly guilty that she had used him and pathetic for the fact that he no doubt had known exactly what her motives were. Using him as a stand in for her professor was fetishistic and gross and even though the alcohol hadn’t worn off she felt guilty for everything that she had done while drunk. Nyota knew that touching fingers with a stranger in a club was hardly the worst or most scandalous thing that she could have done by Orion standards, or even human ones. But Solkar was Vulcan and she knew that Vulcans regarded physical touch as extremely intimate, regardless of what area of the body it was. She dreaded to think of the human equivalent to what they had done. A kiss? A French kiss? Third base?

Even as sleep tried to claim her, she found herself trying to find any documentation that described the cultural significance of the ozh’esta but there was none. Not in Standard, Vulcan or any other language she knew. Clearly, this was something that wasn’t spoken about and Nyota wished she had a Vulcan friend to ask. Sleep took her eventually but her dreams were filled with Lieutenant Commander Spock’s face and fingers touching under flashing lights.

Chapter Text

Nyota miraculously managed to get some work done during the weekend but not nearly as much as she had hoped. It wasn’t that she was distracted per se, well, she was but that wasn’t the main problem. She had a lot of trouble with physics, her grades were passable but that just wasn’t good enough for her to get where she wanted to end up. Lieutenant Commander Spock was her professor for that subject and his expectations for his students were severe and so the evaluations he’d given her just didn’t line up with what she was receiving in her other subjects. She could practically hear Gaila mocking her for her obsession with perfection but she ignored it, she had accepted that part of herself long ago. The fear of complacency kept her studying long into the night and never allowed her to take much of a break, it rewarded her with good grades and proficiency in more languages than any other xenolinguistics major in the academy but not much in the way of friendship and nothing when it came to love. ‘Ambition gives with one hand and takes with the other,’ Nyota remembered the old Andorian truism she’d read once and grimaced, it was certainly true in her case. She had wanted to find some supplementary reading material about the properties of subspace and how it affected communications but everything was either too general in its scope or too advanced for her to comprehend. It was incredibly frustrating.

All of this meant that when, on Monday morning, she found herself floundering during Lieutenant Commander Spock’s presentation Nyota was completely unable to keep up and gave up even pretending to write notes about halfway through, instead trying not to freak out about what would mean for her grade point average if she wasn’t able to correct her shortcomings in this subject. She had just started to seriously consider transferring to a different subject, seeing Professor Spock be damned when said professor cut into her reverie.

“Cadet Uhura,” She snapped her head to meet his gaze, “Do you possess an eidetic memory?”

Her eyes widened, “Excuse me, sir?”

His expression remained neutral but she could sense his annoyance in the tense way he held his shoulders, “I see that you have not been taking notes for the past 12.5 minutes and as this presentation is not recorded and as I will not be uploading my slides to be reviewed later this is your only chance to record this information.”

Nyota felt her entire face heat up, she wanted to be angry, to defend herself somehow but really she couldn’t fault him with noticing that she wasn’t doing what she was meant to be doing.

“I apologise, sir,” she would have carried on speaking but he cut her off.

“See me after class, cadet.”

Nyota sat down and Gaila shot her a supportive look, “You can look at my notes, Ny.”

“Thank you.”

Gaila actually took good notes in classes that she was interested in and luckily for Nyota, Physics was one of those classes.

Nyota pretended to take notes for the rest of the class but instead was replaying the awful memory of how the professor had singled her out and embarrassed her in front of the rest of the class in her head over and over. She knew that it wasn’t that big of a deal really, it happened to other cadets all the time, especially in this class. ‘But it didn’t ever happen to me,’ she thought bitterly. And now she had to see him after class and be berated all over again and she had nothing to say in her defence. She had wanted him to like her so much when she had first started this class.

She had heard so much about the only Vulcan in Starfleet and her fascination with the Vulcan language and culture only intensified the interest she had in meeting him. To be able to speak with a native Vulcan speaker would be beyond amazing but their paths hadn’t crossed until she was in his class and she had found him to be the most intelligent and handsome person she had ever seen. Her type completely. Which meant she was far too nervous to speak to him beyond the parameters of the class, certainly too nervous to ask if she could practice speaking Vulcan with him. Nyota had been just one of the cadets he taught and now her chance to make a good first impression was ruined. She regretted ever going out with Gaila, maybe if she hadn’t been so distracted she would have been able to improve her grasp of the subject matter, though most likely not. Nyota had to admit that it wasn’t her forte at all.

The lesson was over far too soon for her liking and while the rest of the class filed out she waited around, shifting from foot to foot nervously.

“You’ll be fine, Ny,” Gaila said, patting her on the arm, “I’ll get some lunch for you so you don’t have to queue and waste all of your lunch.”

“Thank you, but please don’t get me that awful soup you did last time because I think I was allergic to one of the ingredients.”

Her roommate looked at her affronted, “It’s an Orion delicacy!”

“I know,” she hissed, not wanting to alert the professor of the conversation as the classroom was mostly empty at that point, “but I don’t want to have to go to medbay again. You saw the hives!”

Gaila held her hands up, “You know I wouldn’t really have gotten that for you. I was worried when you ate that, you know. Especially cause those hives looked really-”

The Lieutenant Commander cut Gaila off, looking stern, “Cadets, I’m sure your conversation can wait until lunch.”

He’d heard them talking about her hives?! Nyota wanted to run from the class to the closest ship and fly off to some planet where no one would ever look at her ever again. Gaila nodded and left the room without a word, leaving the two of them alone.

Steeling herself for the worst, she walked over to where the Vulcan was standing, next to his desk and looked at him evenly, not letting her emotions get the better of her. She knew that it would lower her in his estimations even more.

“Lieutenant Commander, what did you wish to speak to me about?”

He regarded her coolly for a second before speaking, “It is not like you to give my classes less than your full attention.”

“You notice what I’m usually like?” The question was out before she could stop herself and winced at how flirtatious it sounded.

He didn’t seem phased by it at all, however, replying, “I pay attention to all of my students to see how they are faring in my lessons and if they need to be transferred. I have also been told that it is part of my job to ascertain if a student seems to be behaving in a way that is unlike them, which you were today, Cadet.”

Nyota looked down, unable to meet his gaze, “Yes, sir.”

“What is the issue?” He asked, his voice betraying a slight frustration at having to ask such a question.

“I am finding your class difficult, sir. A lot of the material goes over my head.”

“Your marks are adequate for a cadet of your specialty,” he replied but the comment didn’t make her feel any better.

She decided to continue without acknowledging what he had said, “I have tried to find supplementary reading material but none is suitable.”

“If the reading material I have provided or my explanations have not been adequate you should have informed me, Cadet. You have my comm information,” he admonished and another wave of shame hit her. She could hardly admit that she had been too nervous to speak to him due to her massive and completely inappropriate crush on him.

“I did not want to bother you, sir. As everyone else seems to be getting by with no trouble your explanations and reading material should not be altered just for my sake. I just need to find something to help me to understand.”

“It is not your place to decide what is or is not a bother to me, Cadet,” a pause, and then he shifted slightly and his expression softened, “What is it that you are having trouble with understanding?”

She explained to him her troubles and not only did he provide her with an explanation that went a long way to helping her understand, he promised her that he would try to find some books for her that would help her. She left the classroom in a much better mood than she had entered it though she did let out an audible sigh of relief as she reached the end of the hallway, she had been very tense throughout the whole encounter. Nyota had been so worried about saying the right thing and not coming across badly or like a lovesick teen.

“So how did it go?” Gaila asked when Nyota found her in the cafeteria. The fact that Gaila hadn’t sat with her other friends meant a lot to Nyota, she was quite tactful when it suited her.

“Better than I thought, he managed to help me understand some things and said he’d find some materials for me.”

“And?” She asked, looking expectantly, “No moment where your eyes met and sparks flew? Or you accidentally-on-purpose brushed hands?” Nyota’s expression was clearly answer enough because Gaila just sighed, “Non-Orions are so boring. You two would’ve had sex by now if you were both Orion.”

Nyota looked at her sceptically over a salad that she luckily wasn’t allergic to, “Surely both parties have to be interested for sex to happen, even on Orion.”

She shrugged, “Not really. But also, and don’t ask me what makes me think this because I don’t know-just Orion intuition-but I don’t think he’s not attracted to you.”

“You think he’s not not attracted to me?” She was puzzled at the double negative. Even though it was hypothetical her heart was still racing at the idea of him finding her attractive. “Does that mean he’s not disgusted by me or that he is attracted to me?”

“I said I don’t know and I mean it. I just get the feeling that if you met in a club like you and that other sexy Vulcan that you totally Vulcan made out with-I’m still mad you won’t tell me what that was like, by the way. Anyway, if you two met in a club that he would Vulcan make out with you as well...just a hunch,” she said before picking up her finished meal and putting away her tray.

If her friend was pulling her leg it was very mean-spirited of her. Nyota wished that she wasn’t so affected by the idea of it. She wished it had been Spock that had met her in Tundra, that he had stopped her from falling and taught her about the ozh’esta. She had dreamt about it and the memory of that dream had made her blush.

“I’ve got to head off to my engineering class now, Ny. See you back in our room.”

“Bye, Gaila.”

She didn’t have long before her next class and she quickly finished her meal and put her tray away. Her mind was still swirling with troubled thoughts, she needed to forget all about Vulcans for the moment and focus.

It wasn’t even the end of the day before she received a message from the Lieutenant Commander. So much for forgetting about Vulcans.

‘Cadet Uhura, see me in my office at your earliest convenience. My office hours are 12:00 to 18:00. Lt Cmmdr Spock.’

Nyota stared at her PADD in horror. Surely if he had found reading material for her he would have said so, that must mean it was something bad. What could it possibly be? Had her lack of attention in class this morning been cause for a formal warning, or worse? No. Surely not. Her luck wasn’t that bad, after all. But still, she worried throughout her Unknown Xenolanguage Identification class. The rest of her day was free for personal study and she wished it wasn’t, she really didn’t want to see her physics professor. Well, she did, but not under these circumstances.

Begrudgingly she made her way over to his office in the science department of the academy, a building she didn’t often go into except for her Physics class, her Subspace Communications class or whenever Gaila forgot something. She had stopped behind to ask questions after class but had never been to his office and she found herself wondering what it was like. Would it be purely utilitarian or would there be some evidence of his Vulcan heritage somehow? Would he have art on the walls? A potted plant? The thought seemed ridiculous but then again, why wouldn’t he have one?

“Enter,” he said, not looking up from his PADD.

“Yes, sir. What...what did you want to see me about, sir?”

“I thought that would have been obvious.”

“Sir?”

“You asked me for supplementary reading material and I have found some.”

“Oh,” Nyota puffed, feeling foolish, “thank you, sir.”

“Give me your PADD, I will upload them. I have found a book that goes over the required material as well as the studies that proved the warp theory to be true. They are old, however, they explain things in a much simpler way as they don’t have a lot of the assumed knowledge inferred as it was not knowledge then, merely speculation. Of course, there have been many corrections to the theory since then but I trust you to be able to differentiate between what is currently understood to be scientific fact and what is not.”

She blushed at his words, it was not a traditional compliment but it was an acknowledgement of his trust in her abilities which was better.

“I really appreciate you taking the time to help me, sir. Though, of course, I know that is your job, I’m still thankful.”

“I believe that you have thanked me already,” he pointed out, not looking up from where he was transferring the files.

Nyota couldn’t help but wish that the conversation was going better, everything that she was saying seemed to be wrong, “A human foible, I’m afraid.”

Neither of them spoke for a while and Nyota assumed that their meeting was over when the Vulcan spoke again. He wasn’t one for small talk, that much she had known already, and so what he said next surprised her.
“You are a Communications major. What languages are your speciality? I have heard from other professors that you excel in your other subjects.”

“The professors discuss me?” she said incredulously, today was just getting stranger and stranger.

He regarded her coolly, setting the PADD on the desk in front of her, “Not exclusively.”

“Of course not, I-I am sure they discuss most cadets at one time or another.”

“Indeed,” the Vulcan looked at her expectantly and she was confused for a moment before she remembered his question.

“In terms of Earth languages apart from Federation Standard I also speak Swahili fluently as that is my native language along with Standard. I also speak French as it is still very commonly used in the United States of Africa as a lingua franca,” in any other situation Nyota would have felt like she was being far too braggadocious but in this situation, she guessed that honesty without modesty would be best her best bet, “In terms of non-Earth languages I speak Tellerite at a level close to fluent though my accent is still...flawed. I have been focussing most of my efforts into improving my Klingon as well as onto the three dialects of Romulan as those seem to be languages that I would have the most cause to use in my work,” she found herself unable to carry on looking at him and instead looked to the floor, “I also am learning Yrevish as my roommate is Orion, though it is not a course currently offered at the Academy so I learn in my spare time.”

“Are those all the languages you speak? It is an adequate base for any cadet in your field of study, however…” he paused, looking vaguely thoughtful, “The manner with which the professors discussed you made it seem as though you spoke far more than that.”

Nyota blushed, well, she had been blushing for the entire conversation but a fresh wave of blood filled her cheeks.

“I do speak Andorian as well, I had a tutor growing up and...I have tried to teach myself Vulcan but I have not had much success in that endeavour. There are similarities with Romulan but that hasn’t helped much. And I am learning Cardassian through the Academy though I am a beginner.”

The professor actually looked surprised, “There is not much need to learn Vulcan, surely. As all Vulcans are taught Standard as soon as they start school.”

“It isn’t...about that, sir. I wanted to have a better grasp of Vulcan culture and well, Vulcan has always sounded beautiful to me.”

“Beautiful?” He echoed and her heart raced. The emotion of her word choice stood out even more once he had repeated her and she wished she had chosen a word other than beautiful; interesting, fascinating, even singular or unique would be less embarrassing.

She was brought out of her downward spiral of awkward thoughts by the Lieutenant Commander speaking to her in Vulcan. Nyota hated when people only learnt a certain language because they found it sexy but she had to admit that hearing him speak Vulcan was a completely different beast to hearing him speak Standard, his voice dipped into a lower pitch and it highlighted just how not human he was. Not for the first time she chastised herself for exoticising her professor simply because she found him attractive.

“You say that your Vulcan is sub-standard, I would like to see for myself whether that is true. As I do not speak any languages other than Vulcan and Federation Standard I cannot assess you in your other chosen languages of study.”

Nyota racked her brain for the Vulcan word for Lieutenant Commander before speaking, she wanted to put her best foot forward and address him properly, “Tra-lan, I am gratified by your interest in my studies of Vulcan. I am able to maintain a casual conversation but my accent, as I’m sure you can hear, is not good.”

He looked at her for a long moment, unspeaking. His eyebrows twitched downwards into a momentary frown.

“Your humility does you credit, ne-lan Uhura,” he had called her cadet, how she wished he would call her by her name. Did he even know her first name? “I am able to understand your accent with no trouble. However, your manner of speaking is more...emotional than any Vulcan would employ,” he looked uncomfortable then and she wished she knew why, “I would suggest that you remedy this before speaking to any other Vulcans. You need to achieve zherka-fam, at least when speaking the language.”

“Zherka-fam?” Nyota switched to Standard, not wanting to offend him anymore with her accent, “I have not heard this term.”

He replied in the same language, “That is not surprising. It roughly translates to emotionless or without feeling. However, it relates more closely to the concept of emotional control and how in order to fit into polite society one must control oneself as opposed to emotional control for the benefit of one’s psyche.”

Nyota furrowed her brow, committing the information to memory, “So the way I speak Vulcan is...impolite?”

That same look of discomfort passed over his face without his expression ever-changing, it was like a fish swimming below a thick layer of ice, “It would only be used between bondmates in a private setting, so impolite is certainly not an inaccurate way of putting it, Cadet Uhura.”

“Oh!” She clapped her hand over her mouth, eyes wide, “So my Vulcan accent is…” she didn’t want to use the words but there was no other way that she could think to phrase it that wasn’t even worse, “sexually suggestive?”

The professor cleared his throat and looked away, the most emotion she had ever seen him display, “Affirmative.”

“I’m so sorry, sir. Please know that was not my intention.”

“Of course, cadet. However, as I have said, it would be in your best interests to remedy this situation.”

“What would you suggest, sir?”

“Regular conversational practice in Vulcan. There is no Vulcan professor at the Academy at this time and so I will step in if you are amenable,” he said matter-of-factly.

“If you’re sure that it isn’t too much trouble, I’m sure you’re very busy.”

“I would not have offered if I wasn’t certain that I could accommodate the new engagement in my schedule, cadet. You forget, I am not human and so am not prone to flights of fancy such as offering help that I am unable to give. I will update you as to when the best time to meet would be.”

Nyota nodded and seeing that the conversation was over, she excused herself and made her way over to the library to find any books on Vulcan that the Academy had to offer. Feeling for her notebook in her satchel, she was glad to find that she hadn’t forgotten to pack it that morning. She had a lot of vocabulary to learn before the night was over if she was going to survive her language practice conversations with her Vulcan professor without dying of embarrassment.

If Gaila was surprised by her roommate’s near frantic studying, she didn’t show it.

“How was your day, Gaila?” Nyota asked, looking up from her PADD where she was trying to find podcasts in Vulcan. There were a fair few of them but sadly not many that weren’t technical in nature, there was one that discussed the nature of the teachings of Surak that Nyota was going to listen to while she worked on her other assignments.

“I’m alright, met this positively delicious-looking third year. We’re going to meet up for dinner tonight.”

“Dinner? That’s not usually your style.”

“Hey, I like food too!” She said in Yrevish, “Maybe you should find a date too. Might help you stop obsessing over that Spock.”

“Lieutenant Commander Spock,” Nyota corrected. After her trouble with remembering the term in Vulcan she had taken the time to research ranks in all of the languages she was learning.

Gaila sighed, “I don’t know how I ended up with such a stickler for the rules as a roommate.”

“The personality quiz put us together,” she retorted, “I don’t know how either.”

“Awww,” the Orion cooed, “that must mean we’re meant to be together.”

“If you say so…anyway, I have studying to do and you have a date to prepare for. You should study with me sometime, Gaila,” she said.

“You know that you’ll have to wait until the end of term when I actually sit down and catch up on my work, you can help me then.”

Nyota sighed longsufferingly before replying in Standard, “That’s exactly what I’m afraid of, Gaila.”

Her roommate didn’t reply, instead focusing her attention onto searching through her absolutely packed closet for something suitable to wear.

Chapter Text

It wasn’t long before Gaila left and she was left alone to her own devices. Settling in to another night of studying, she can’t help but wonder at the turn that the day had taken. Not only did she have material that meant that her class with her Vulcan professor would be much easier, he had offered to help her with her Vulcan. All of that was very different from the verbal dressing down she had received that morning in the lesson.
As she studied she listened to the podcast she had found and was surprised by her ability to keep up with the discourse, even if she couldn’t understand everything.

“It is posited by some that, in order to truly follow the teachings of Surak, one must purge oneself of all emotion. To undergo Kolinahr. What do you think of this, T’Mir?”

“A’rie’mnu,” Uhura had to pause the podcast and stop study to look up the meaning, mastery of one’s emotions was what the dictionary said and she made a note of it, “is a noble cause and one that all Vulcans must strive towards however, there is no logic in purging all emotion as it renders one unable to engage with the world in a meaningful way. As Surak once said, ‘kup-fun-tor ha’kiv na’ish du stau?’,” Uhura had to pause again to parse over the phrase, ‘Can you return to life what you have killed?’ she wasn’t sure if that was exactly what it meant as the wording was odd, not like modern Vulcan at all, “I believe that this applies here, once you have killed emotion you cannot bring it back.”

The other Vulcan paused, as if for thought, “I see the logic in your point. However, can it not also be said that Kolinahr,” that was the second time that she had heard that word and she looked it up quickly and was shocked by what she found, she knew that Vulcans did not show emotion but the fact that Kolinahr existed surely meant that they found their emotions troublesome. She hadn’t thought that was possible, “is the natural next step in the teachings of Surak. The completion of a’rie’mnu leads to kolinahr.”

“Have you gone through kolinahr, Selik?”

“I have not.”

“Do you plan to?”

“I am unsure, T’Mir. I have considered it.”

If Uhura hadn’t been listening carefully she wouldn’t have detected the note of satisfaction in the woman’s voice when she spoke next, “The fact that you have considered and yet not completed kolinahr means that you do not see it to be the logical step for you. I have also considered kolinahr however I do not think that was what Surak intended with his teachings as indeed it was founded by Haadok and not Surak himself.”

“What do you believe that Surak meant?”

“Believe is an emotional term, however my interpretation of Tu-Surak,” Uhura checked and found that it was a book detailing the teachings of Surak which she quickly found and downloaded along with a translation into Standard for her reference, “is that without control our society and the individual both are in jeopardy. What must be controlled does not necessarily need to be destroyed. Emotions, then, can be likened to a sehlat. Unchecked, they are dangerous and yet no one would want the planet rid of sehlats. Without emotion, how can one care for their bondmate or child?”

There was a silence that if the two of them had been human would have been filled with them signing off but as they were Vulcan, it was silent and the podcast ended there. Uhura had long since stopped studying and was paying great attention to what they were saying. To hear two Vulcans discuss emotion so candidly was something that she had never imagined would happen, or certainly not on a public forum such as a podcast. She quickly looked up reviews of the podcast and found a board discussing their thoughts. She didn’t see anyone who was shocked about their discussions and in fact, saw many praising the logical nature of their debates. She frowned as her view of Vulcan society shifted markedly, well, she certainly would come at her discussion with the Lieutenant Commander in a different way now. Perhaps if she read Tu-Surak they could discuss it together. She found that she wanted to do this very much. She also wanted to discuss the podcast she was listening to ‘Tsuri-Gyirm’l Svi’shila’ or ‘The Common Debate Among The People’, had he ever heard of it? It had a lot of hits but that didn’t mean that he had. And besides, she thought restlessly, she didn’t want to come off like the lovesick wretch she was by acting as if she had been doing copious amounts of research ahead of their conversation even if that indeed was what she was doing.

Satisfied with the amount of work that she had completed, she put on another episode of ‘Tsuri-Gyirm’l Svi’shila’ and waited for Gaila to get back from her date, or a message from her saying that she wouldn’t be back. It had taken a while for Gaila to understand that Nyota’s worry for her was genuine and came from a desire to see her safe and not a disgust for her sexual activities. They had agreed that Gaila would send her some word of where she was and who she was with and keep updated of her safety, even if infrequently. It had all come to a head after Gaila had disappeared for three days after a date and came back as if nothing had happened meanwhile Nyota had reported her as missing to the police. It had taken a while for the human to forgive her after that.

Nyota received a message from Spock the next day but she didn’t see it right away as she was in her Kickboxing class. It was required that she pick up at least one physical discipline and kickboxing had seemed like the most fun as she had tried Judo as a child and hadn’t enjoyed it and Karate didn’t seem like it would have much use in an actual fight, though she hoped that she wouldn’t have to fight much she knew that it was always a distinct possibility especially if she got the posting on the Enterprise like she wanted. Aching from her training she checked her messages to find one from her professor and she had to school her features into neutrality to hide the smile that was threatening to take over her face.

‘Cadet Uhura, upon consultation of my schedule as well as your class schedule it seems that the best time would be Tuesdays at 16:00 to 18:00. Please note that my time will have to be cut short if any student requires my presence as that time is within my office hours. Lt Cmmdr Spock’

Nyota typed out her reply and sent it quickly, before she could begin to obsess over it.

‘Lieutenant Commander Spock, thank you for getting back to me so quickly. That time works for me and of course I would not expect you to put time aside especially for me given that I’m sure you are very busy. Today is Tuesday, would you want to begin today? Cadet Uhura’

The reply came quickly and was a simple, ‘I thought that it was implied that we would begin today, it seems that I have a lot to learn about the lack of logic in the human way of communication.’

Nyota couldn’t help but smile at that, it was an insight into the fact that he still felt out of place and it made her want to give him a hug though no doubt that would only make him feel worse. If, indeed, he didn’t Vulcan neck pinch her before she could get near him.

Time dragged by as she kept checking the clock, waiting for 16:00 to roll around. Nyota received a worried look from her Cardassian professor for it and she, not for the first time, wondered about how much of a nerd she must seem to everyone around her if the idea that she might have somewhere that she would prefer to be rather than a classroom was cause for concern. She had some time after her last class ended and the time that she was meant to meet the Lieutenant Commander and she spent it listening to ‘Tsuri-Gyirm’l Svi’shila’ in an attempt to warm up her Vulcan before her practice conversation. Eventually, it was time for her to make her way over to his office and she spent the short walk there obsessing over whether she should speak in Vulcan from the start or if she should speak in Standard until otherwise indicated.

Luckily she didn’t have to make a decision either way as he heard her approach, “K’vath!” She entered like he had asked and looked over to where he was sitting at his desk, a chair opposite which she had sat in the previous day.

“Greetings, tra-lan, I thank you again for taking the time to help me,” so they were speaking in Vulcan right from the get go, she could work with that.

He inclined his head in acknowledgement and indicated for her to take a seat which she did, “Do you have any questions about Vuhlkansu that you wish for me to attempt to answer? I am not specifically trained in linguistics however all Vulcans are taught to understand our language fully.”

“Not that I can think of right now, tra-lan. I do, however, have some questions about the teachings of Surak,” she waited for him to reply but when he didn’t she carried on, speaking to him was vastly different from speaking anyone else she had ever met and she was reminded of the abrupt way that the Vulcan podcast she was listening to always ended. Clearly, Vulcans were not fans of formalities, why sign off from a podcast when everyone could see how much time was left on it? “more specifically what is considered an improper show of emotion and why that is. My human perspective leaves me unable to understand. Why must emotions be suppressed?”

He looked at her and she couldn’t help but wonder what he was thinking about. Was her accent repellant to him? Was her line of questioning too personal? Maybe T’Mir and Selik were uniquely open about such matters.

“Zherka-fam, as we have discussed before, is the control of emotions so as to not be offensive in public. By that, it is meant that unrestrained shows of feeling are dangerous. Humans also restrict their emotions, but to a much lesser extent. Do you know anything of Vulcan society before the teachings of Surak were adopted?”

She shook her head, “It didn’t occur to me to look, I apologise for my oversight.”

“No need, it is not something that is commonly spoken about so I have no doubt that you had never heard anything about it until now.”

Actually, she had heard it mentioned in the podcast she was listening to but it was never dwelt on for long so it had never occurred to her that it was important.

“If you feel comfortable talking about it I would be most gratified to hear, tra-lan.”

“I do not feel uncomfortable talking about it, however, there is a limit to what propriety allows me to speak about. You will respect that,” it wasn’t a request and she nodded her head, “Before Surak pulled us out from the darkness we were slaves to our emotions and great wars were the result. Many have been killed. We were more akin to...animals then than to what we are today. If we do not control our emotions, keep them wrapped within us we are a danger to ourselves and to everyone around us. A society comprised of such beings is an aboration therefore it is the solemn duty of every Vulcan to remain in control of themselves at all times. It is not merely impolite to lose control, it is a danger.”

“Oh,” she said simply, unable to think of how to reply, she chose to use a phrase that she heard a lot in ‘Tsuri-Gyirm’l Svi’shila’, “Your logic is sound. I had not thought of that. As you know, for humans our emotions are something to be celebrated and holding back emotions can lead to worse physical and mental health.”

“I have heard about that, it is not so for Vulcans. Perhaps that is due to our telepathic nature.”

Nyota was confused, she knew that Vulcans were touch telepaths but that didn’t seem relevant to what he was saying, “Please explain, tra-lan.”

“We have telepathic bonds with our family and bondmates and that ensures that we never feel alone. From what I know, it is the lack of connection that leads to worse health outcomes in humans.”

“Partially,” she conceded, “though I know from my own experience that when I try to completely ignore an emotion I am feeling such as grief or anger, that it only...becomes bad?” she switched to Standard for a moment, “What is rot in Vulcan?”

“Nehaya,” he answered.

“It rots inside and becomes dangerous to us.”

“I think you misunderstand the Vulcan concept of emotional control,” he replied, leaning back in his chair slightly, “We do not strive to ignore emotions altogether, simply to not allow them to dictate what we do or control our mind. An emotion such as anger is examined to find the cause and evaluated, it is then discarded. Either an emotion serves a purpose or it does not, any purpose it serves can also be done using logic and if it has no logical counterpart only then is it ignored.”

“What about love? What purpose does it serve?”

If the Vulcan was shocked by her argument he didn’t show it, “Is love an emotion?”

“Of course it is.”

“Perhaps for humans but not so for Vulcans. It is an act that is engaged in after properly assessing the merits of a potential partner. Platonic love, the love of the family, well the logic for that is obvious-there is safety in numbers. The same animalistic logic can be found in sexual desire and can thus be acceptable in private between consenting parties. However romantic love can be dangerous, the human story of Romeo and Juliet shows this only too well.”

“I can’t agree with you, if the emotion of love is dangerous but the act of it is not, then what is the place of a bond?” The debate was getting interesting and she was beginning to forget that he was her professor.

“It provides stability,” he said simply.

“In what way? Surely the emotions of another would be an added burden.”

The corners of his mouth ticked downwards in a minuscule frown, “It is not spoken of, even among Vulcans.”

Nyota felt the urge to roll her eyes, Solkar had said the same thing once, was it a set phrase?

“I would not ask you to speak of it, then. However, I’m sure you can understand why I am confused.”

“Kan-Telan, the bonding of children, is done so that we can maintain control and not revert back to our old ways. That is all that I am prepared to say on the subject.”

She was shocked at the idea of child marriages but she knew better than to say anything about it as she was sure it would be offensive to show how shocked she was.

“Are...are you bonded?” Her words came out less neutrally than she would have liked but the idea of him having a wife made her feel sick.

“I was but we parted ways.”

“I grieve with thee,” she replied, not knowing if it was the right thing to say. It seemed to be as he nodded.

She wasn’t surprised when he changed the subject abruptly, “You have made progress with your tone when speaking Vulcan, it is a lot less emotional. However, you have more progress to make.”

“Do you have any recommendations?” She kept speaking Vulcan, not ready to switch and he replied in the same language and she felt glad that their chat wasn’t over yet.

He considered the question for a moment, “This is something that every Vulcan child must learn. It is easier for us as it comes naturally with learning zherka-fam however if you were to better understand what emotional control means and why it is done that might help you.”

“To speak logically is the goal, then?” She asked.

“Indeed it is. Emotions are subjective and as such are not a good basis for communication.”

Nyota considered his words, “The cultural divide between us is deeper than I first thought. For humans, emotions are who we are and so to communicate ourselves we must communicate how we feel. It is one and the same.”

“Vulcans do not view emotion as intrinsic to the self,” he replied.

Nyota widened her eyes in realisation, “That explains so much!” The Vulcan seemed slightly shocked by her tone of voice and she realised it was hardly appropriate given the topic of conversation, the language she was speaking in and who she was speaking to but she resolutely continued. “Part of my study into the Vulcan language has been by listening to podcasts in Vulcan and there is one in particular that focuses on Tu-Surak and they debate about it. It’s very interesting but they always referred to emotions in a way that a human would refer to an illness but which confused me but makes sense now.”

The Vulcan seemed momentarily taken aback, “It is...logical for you to do so though I am surprised by it nonetheless. I find myself interested to know your thoughts. It is not often that I have the opportunity to speak about such things with a human.”

“Well, I’ve never had the chance to speak about it to a Vulcan, or anyone really. So it will be good for me to figure out what I think.”

“You do not know already?”

Nyota paused, thinking of how to answer, Vulcan had a limited vocabulary regarding matters of the heart, “I find that I need to speak my thoughts aloud to fully understand what I am thinking. Perhaps that is a human failing, to be so detached from my own mind. But I notice that sometimes, when I am speaking, that it is only after I have said something that I realise that I think it or believe it to be true.” Remembering T’Mir’s words she continued, “Belief is illogical, of course.”

“If by belief you mean the reliance of inferences that derive from logic, I cannot agree, ne-lan Uhura.”

She hummed quietly in consideration, “That is the best way I’ve heard belief described, certainly the most logical.”

“And yet you do not believe in belief?” He said and she wondered if she was teasing her.

“No, I do not say that. I merely...borrowed words from someone else.” Spock didn’t reply, instead he raised an eyebrow so she continued. “From one of the hosts of the podcast I was telling you about, it is called ‘Tsuri-Gyirm’l Svi’shila’ and her name is T’mir. Her logic is exemplary.”

“The People’s Debate,” he repeated in Standard and she made a note of how his translation differed from her own, undoubtedly his was more accurate though it didn’t include all of the words it better encapsulated the sense, he continued in Vulcan, “an interesting name. I have not heard of it, I will listen.”

Nyota felt her face heat and her heart quicken in her chest, “I am honoured, tra-lan.”

“It is logical to assess where you are receiving your knowledge of Vulcan culture.”

Had he sounded...nervous? Like he was trying to hide something? No, she decided, her mind was playing tricks on her. Vulcans were so hard to read! She despaired at ever forming anything close to a good relationship between professor and student, let alone what she really wanted. What did she want, anyway? He was certainly handsome, his frame was comprised of elegant lines and planes of muscle that his Starfleet uniform did nothing to obfuscate. His face, too, was a curious mix of harsh lines and curves-the slope of his nose opposed to the swell of an almost generous lower lip. But while that had drawn her in his mind had kept her in his orbit, and the conversation that they were having, the teasing glimpse of his sense of humour, his personal thoughts. All of that was proving too much for her heart to take. Gaila had hoped that her little crush on the Vulcan professor would blow over soon but that possibility was looking increasingly remote.

‘God, I’m in deep shit.’ She thought miserably even as her focus tuned into what he was saying with sharp focus. The slight effort of having her mind switch to ‘Vulcan mode’ in order to understand him proving to be helpful, it kept her from dwelling on her own thoughts too much.

“Thank you, tra-lan, for this enlightening conversation. I have learnt much, both of your language and of Tu-Surak. I confess that I was nervous to discuss such things with you but I was in error,” even the logic-dictated cadence of Vulcan seemed to come more easily to her. Nyota had fallen into step with Spock as their conversation had progressed.

He spoke in Standard and Nyota knew their time was almost up, “Think nothing of it. You have improved in your tone.”

She blushed and answered in Standard, “I am glad that it was less offensive to you, sir.”

“I was not offended.”

“Even so,” she countered and he looked confused.

“The human propensity to spout random words of nonsense continues to confuse me, Cadet. Could you tell me what you meant by that elusory phrase?”

“I merely meant that while I understand your point I have not changed my mind with regards to my feelings.”

He just looked deep into her eyes for a long moment. “A very human sentiment, Cadet Uhura.

That evening Nyota gave into temptation and told everything to her roommate. There was no one else she could talk to, after all. And if she was honest Gaila was the most honest, most understanding and least judgemental friend she could ask for. Certainly the only one she would trust with her vague musings about whether or not her girlish crush could ever be reciprocated.

“Honestly, Nyota! The best thing you could do is make a move,” the concept of making a move in Yrevish held a decidedly more sexual connotation than in Standard and Nyota blushed despite herself, “Make him come to you.”

The human rolled her eyes, “And how exactly am I supposed to do that? Any ideas?”

“You want to fuck him, not me! Well…” at Nyota’s glare she relented, “I just mean that I’m not the person you come to for ideas. Lingerie, yes. Secret alcohol, yes. Ideas about how to seduce Vulcans, no. Well except for the obvious.”

“Obvious?” She repeated, looking at her Orion friend with a new intensity. Had Gaila been hiding something from her?

“All I know is Vulcans are territorial as fuck. Just make him jealous.”

“Doesn’t he have to, you know, like me for that work?” Nyota just looked at her roommate blankly but hiding a chuckle. Gaila could always cheer her up, even when she didn’t mean to.

“Hey! I said it was obvious information not useful information!”

The two of them collapsed into laughter then, the idea of a black market for information on how to seduce Vulcans was enough to set them both off giggling for the next ten minutes. Periodically they would stop and then look each other in the eye and start off again. Uhura didn’t get much sleep that night but her heart was light in her chest.

Nyota was looking forward to her Physics class that day because she would see the Lieutenant Commander, she felt ridiculous for looking forward to it for that reason but there was no point in lying to herself about it. And besides, she reasoned, she was much more prepared for the lesson and would hopefully demonstrate to her professor that she had prepared to do the work needed to succeed in his class. Hopefully she’d also prove to him that she was a good student and worth his respect.

The lesson did go much better than before and it was less like he was speaking an unknown language. The notes she was taking seemed to make more sense.

“Upon reflection, I feel that it would be in the best interests of the class to look into the history of the discovery of subspace in order to get a better grasp of it. In that interest I have assigned extra reading to you all relating to that and I expect a two thousand word essay relating to the tenets set out by it and why some of them were disproved,” Spock said and seemed to ignore the groan of the class at the extra work.

Nyota didn’t know how to feel. Had the professor changed his mind due to her struggles and included this as an acknowledgement of his oversight? Was he worried that other students hadn’t understood in the same way that she hadn't understood. Suddenly her PADD pinged and she looked down and checked it, it was a message from Gaila even though they were sitting next to each other. The Orion just gave her a significant look and raised her eyebrows. Nyota checked the message.

‘So did you convince him to show what he showed you to the rest of the class? ;)’

Nyota looked over to her and huffed.

‘You make everything sound so dirty’

‘Was just wondering if you’d figured out how to seduce Vulcans after all, could make big bank on the black market haha’

She stifled a giggle and elbowed Gaila who just snorted and stuck out her tongue.

“Cadets, if you are quite finished,” Spock said dryly and the entire class was staring at them. Nyota froze and felt her chest constrict in mortification, “Cadet Uhura, see me after class.”

“Yes, sir.”

Nyota’s PADD pinged.

‘Why didn’t he ask to see me too? :( I want some of that black market seduction knowledge’

Gaila looked up when Nyota didn’t reply and gave her a look as if to say ‘come on, out with it’ but she didn’t know and so she just shrugged.

Chapter Text

Waiting to see the Vulcan professor the second time was only marginally better than the first, and that was only because no one was talking about her allergic reaction to Orion food. 

“Sir?” She only spoke when they were alone, not wanting anyone to overhear if she was about to be scolded. 

“I was surprised to see you behaving in such an unbecoming way today, cadet.”

“I apologise, sir, it won’t happen again.”

“I would like to know what caused such a reaction,” he said, not wavering in his intense gaze. Nyota wished he wouldn’t look at her like that, it was really distracting. 

“An...inside joke between me and my friend, sir.”

He nodded, “An unsatisfactory answer to my question but it will do,” he then switched to Vulcan, “I listened to the audio programme which you suggested.”

Why Vulcan had no specific word for podcast Nyota didn’t know, but she found his use of ralash gluvaya or literally ‘audio show’ to be very cute coming from him, she usually heard the Vulcans in the podcast she was listening to using the Standard. 

She replied in Vulcan, happy for his scolding to be over, “What are your thoughts?”

It took him a moment to reply but his answer seemed well thought out, as if he had rehearsed it. Maybe he had, “A most interesting concept, it is rare to find anyone so willing to discuss Tu-Surak in such a way except for when teaching children. Though I did find that it gave me pause for reflection in my own meditations. However, I am uncertain as to the role that the two hosts, T’mir and Selik, play. Their debates can be illogical in that they are never-ending and yet they do not come to an agreement.”

Nyota snorted despite herself, “They’re part of why it is interesting for me, tra-lan. The fact that they argue so much. I think if they were human it would be assumed that they either hated each other or were in love.”

“In love?” he repeated and Nyota could have kicked herself, how could she keep forgetting how rude it was to talk of such things to a Vulcan? Let alone her professor who was a Vulcan. 

“They do show a certain...fondness,” she couldn’t help but defend herself, “Arguing like that is a sign of infatuation among humans, I was merely thinking in a human way, tra-lan. Please forgive me.”

“There is no offence where none is taken,” he replied and she knew it to be a saying of Surak. Clearly, the podcast was actually teaching her more than advanced Vulcan vocabulary. “It is not usually so on Vulcan. Though, they are both most likely bonded, as you know we bond as children.”

“They could be bonded to each other,” Nyota pointed out, feeling brave.

“Indeed, though surely then they would not argue so much.”

“Bonded couples do not argue?”

Spock’s chest moved in what looked like a tiny huff of laughter, “They do, though not generally on a public forum as it would be a major loss of face.”

“I understand. I am glad that you found my suggestion to be useful, tra-lan. There is much that I would like to discuss with you.”

“If you would like to speak to me about it now, we could partake in lunch together. Also, if you wish to sound more palatable to the Vulcan ear you will want to say ‘I am gratified’ rather than ‘I am glad’,” he said, not unkindly.

Nyota realised that she needed to reply soon but first she needed to figure out what she was doing with her face. She needed to stop gawking at him but truly, that had been the last thing she had expected him to say. 

“I am honoured. I would be gratified to spend my lunch discussing the Tu-Surak with you, tra-lan.”

“You may call me Spock when we are engaged in informal discussion like this.”

Things seemed to be getting better and better, “Then please call me Nyota, it is only fair.”

“Nyota,” he repeated and the sound of her first name coming from him made her heart flutter inside of her chest.

They walked side by side to his office and Nyota felt like her excitement must have been visible on her face but no one gave her a second glance. Well, it wasn’t like there was anything untoward happening to look at much as she might wish there were. Nyota had to stop herself from walking closer to Spock, keeping a polite distance from him was vitally important. 

‘He asked me to call him by his first name,’ she thought excitedly. ‘ That has to mean something, right? ’

‘It means nothing and you know it,’ a darker part of her mind countered, ‘you see what you want to see in everything.’

Sitting again in Spock’s office Nyota tried to sit in a way that seemed polite without looking nervous. Why did she have to overthink everything when it came to him? She resolved herself to forget about her worries and focus on having a lovely conversation. 

“Spock,” she began in Vulcan, feeling odd at using his name even as it sent a thrill down her spine, “we have spoken before about the role of the control of emotion and your explanation has helped me understand the place of emotional control in public, but I still don’t fully understand it.”

He sat perfectly straight in his chair and looked over to her, dark eyes boring into hers, “What is it that you need clarifying, Nyota?”

“I am having trouble understanding what you mean when you say that love is dangerous. At least, understanding it in a non-human biased way. Human love is often dangerous but I don’t think that type of danger is what you mean.”

“Indeed not. I cannot fully explain as that would involve discussing things that are not spoken of to outsiders. However, I can give you my best explanation which may not fully satisfy your curiosity, but is the best that I can do.”

“Of course,” she nodded in agreement, “I would never ask you to discuss something that you don’t want to.”

“It is not about not wanting to,” he said, an unnameable emotion hiding in his voice. “It is about not being able to. It is taboo.”

“I understand.”

“Good. Let me begin by reiterating how a Vulcan who does not control their emotions is a dangerous creature indeed. And also that all Vulcans have telepathic bonds with their family and their bondmate,” Spock said, looking over to her for confirmation of her understanding which she gave. “Those two things combine to mean that telepathic bonds can either help or hinder a Vulcan’s emotional control, we rely on our family and bondmate to steady and guide us and without a good guide, we become lost. A Vulcan can only be as stable as the bonds that we share. Therefore when thinking about love we have to think of logic and as you know we are bonded as children. Those bonds are chosen carefully to make sure that the match is a judicious one that will not result in emotional turmoil.”

Nyota smiled wryly, “Human love could almost be exclusively described as emotional turmoil.”

“That is true. Well, as I’m sure you are beginning to understand, an unchecked sentimental feeling-love you can call it-can cause havoc. Which is why it is viewed as dangerous. If a love is not set in stone and understood to be logical then it cannot be healthy.”

“When you describe it, it seems perfectly logical and yet I cannot imagine applying that to my own life,” she replied, feeling discouraged at her inability to fully understand.

“You do not have to, you do not have the mind of a Vulcan and thus have no need for our fail safes.” 

“It does make me sad to think of all these bonds where there is no love, I know that is human-centric of me but it is how I feel. No kind words or holding hands or anything. Just logic.” Nyota would come to regret those words in a few moments.

“We have our ways of showing affection,” he began.

“Ozh’esta,” she breathed, barely aware that she had spoken.

He looked over to her with an odd expression, “How have you heard of this term?”

“I...I have heard it around.”

Spock didn’t look convinced, “Do you know what it is?”

“It’s a way of showing affection, usually but not always between bondmates,” Nyota found herself thinking back to that fateful night with Solkar as she continued, “It feels...like the most wonderful thing. Beyond human comprehension to imagine. It is the touching of the mind through the smallest part of the body and yet feels like being cherished completely…” As she came back to herself she noticed two things; one, Spock looked angry and two, she had gone far beyond what was appropriate to say to any professor in any language. “I am so sorry!” She said in Standard, “I should never have spoken in such a way in front of you.”

“But you are not wrong,” he replied in Vulcan, “that is what it feels like. But how would you know that fact? It is not shared to outworlders.”

She had two options, come clean or make up a story about hacking into top-secret Vulcan databases and as much as she didn’t want to embarrass herself further she also didn’t want to go to prison.

“I have partaken in the ozh’esta,” Nyota replied, the Vulcan feeling comfortingly formal, a detachment from the meaning of the words.

“Indeed? With who?” Spock's jaw was clenched ever so slightly and if she didn’t always pay so much attention to him she wouldn’t have noticed.

“His name is Solkar,” it wasn’t a lie and she hoped he didn’t have any follow-up questions as she didn’t have any answers for them.

“Is he your...mate?”

“Mate?” Nyota was confused, surely he didn’t think she was bonded?

“Your intended to bond,” he clarified angrily. 

Nyota knew she should tell the truth, she knew that but she didn’t, “Yes, we are,” she used the Standard word, “‘dating’ but he is not my intended. That is too much for me, I need time to know if I am ready for that commitment.”

“Vulcans do not ‘date’ and so he will be committed to you regardless of if you are committed to him in turn,” he said matter of factly.

Nyota couldn’t help but snort at the idea of that random man in the club being committed to her in any way, “You don’t know him. We’re just having some fun, nothing serious at all.” 

“I may not know him but I do know Vulcan men,” Spock countered hotly and she shuddered.

Nyota sighed gently, “I clearly have a lot left to understand about Vulcan men…”

“I could help you,” he replied and her heart stuttered, what was this conversation turning into?

“You...you would do that for me?”

“In the interest of cultural exchange and enhancing your knowledge so as to help you, I would.”

“Ah,” she said grimly, “as my professor. I understand.” 

“What else would it be?” Spock asked and Nyota looked over to him with wide eyes. 

This conversation had gotten out of hand, “I have to go so I can get some lunch before my next class.”

He regarded her for a moment before nodding and speaking in Standard, “Logical. You are dismissed, cadet.”

She didn’t tell Gaila about her conversation with Spock, it felt far too real to be scrutinised just yet. The whole thing had taken a turn for the unexpected and now she was in a fake relationship with a stranger that she had ‘Vulcan made out’ with one time. If she ever did see him again they would both most certainly ignore each other. She regretted that night, she wasn’t the type of person to blame her choices on alcohol as it seemed to her like an excuse for bad decision making but Nyota honestly didn’t think she would have ever done it while sober. If Solkar had been Deltan or Orion she would have understood the draw she felt to him but as it was, she was at a loss. Then again, Vulcans kept many things secret so it wouldn’t really surprise her if they had a similar allure if they chose to use it. Or maybe she was just that desperate for anything that reminded her of Spock. She didn’t know which was worse, honestly.

Nyota tried her best to focus purely on her studies and the days passed quickly and she soon found that it was time to meet Spock again. They hadn’t spoken since that last very awkward conversation and she wasn’t sure how their next conversation would go. She would have to try to remain as professional as possible. She had stayed up late into the night coming up with a list of potential topics to talk to Spock about, eventually settling the social hierarchy on Vulcan as that seemed like a safe topic that wouldn’t devolve into awkwardness. She could only hope. 

The door to Spock’s office stood mockingly in front of her as she tried to work up the courage to knock. Nyota had just given up and was pulling out her PADD to send a message apologising for not being able to come to their meeting this week on such short notice when a shadow fell over her.

“Cadet Uhura,” Spock said from behind her.

“Oh!” Nyota snapped her head up to look at him in shock and put a hand to her chest in an attempt to calm her thrumming heart. “I didn’t see you there, sir.”

He regarded her with that carefully blank expression of his, “I deduced as much.” 

He walked into the office and Nyota assumed that she was meant to follow him and so she did, feeling like a child who had been caught with their hand in the cookie jar. 

Once they were both sat down Nyota mentally ran through the list of potential conversation topics in her head but Spock beat her to the punch.

“Tell me what you know about the Vulcan courting process,” he asked in Vulcan.

Nyota froze, thinking wildly, she should know a fair bit, shouldn’t she? If she was dating a Vulcan like she said that she was but really she didn’t know that much. She had looked into it so as to better imagine what it would be like if Spock had ever decided to pursue her but that hadn’t revealed much. She would just have to wing it, she supposed. 

“Well,” she began, forcing her voice to remain calm and steady as she prepared to lie her ass off, “I know that usually children are paired off together to create optimal relationships, you have told me that much. But from my own experience, the courting process later on in life is logical in that it is expected to know why you want to begin a relationship but other than that it varies from couple to couple."

She waited for his reply with bated breath.

“That is a simplified but not inaccurate impression,” he said and she couldn’t help but feel a little annoyed.

“Could you explain a little more?”

“Unlike relationships between Humans, Vulcans often seek recourse in their clans for help in finding a suitable partner. The couple then have a series of meetings before going to a mind healer to assess their compatibility for mating before they are formally bonded,” he explained, face somehow more impassive than usual.

Nyota felt as though she should be taking notes. In fact, she had been so involved with what Spock had been saying that it had taken her a moment to realise that he had finished speaking. 

“That is most informative,” she replied, feeling uncertain.

“But not the experience that you have found with…” he paused, “Solkar.” It wasn’t a question.

“We have taken a more...Human approach to dating,” Nyota could hear how off her tone of voice was but could do nothing to change it and could only hope that Spock wouldn’t notice it. 

“Interesting, my knowledge of human dating customs is cursory at best. I would be gratified to know more about this subject if you would be amenable to it,” he replied. 

Well shit, Nyota thought, it wasn’t as though she’d had much dating experience herself. She’d just have to pull something out of her ass and hope for the best. 

“Well, it’s common to do seek out a relationship either by dating apps, going to certain places that a known to attract single people or asking friends to set you up on dates although that is outdated,” as she spoke she found it more and more difficult to keep a straight face; she felt like a xenoanthropologist. “As for...as for me and Solkar,” stick to the truth as much as possible, she thought desperately, “we met at a club,” funnily enough there was no Vulcan word for club and she had to use the Standard. 

He raised one perfect eyebrow upon hearing this and Nyota blushed, “Indeed, and how long have the two of you been...dating?”

“Um, not long really. A few weeks, it’s still very new,” she replied.

“I see, you are still in the,” he switched to Standard for the next few words, “getting to know you phase.” 

Nyota pushed back a wave of embarrassment, “Yes, anything could go wrong.”

Spock looked confused for a moment, “You do not think that he is a good romantic partner?”

“I don’t know what I think of him just yet,” she admitted which wasn’t untrue, she certainly didn’t understand what had caused him to act that way. The more that she learnt about the culture of Vulcan the less that what he had done made any sense. 

“I trust that you will not allow your standards in a mate to be anything less than rigorous,” Spock said evenly and the unemotional words in Vulcan would have made her think that there was nothing more to them but his gaze was intent. 

She flushed and had to look away, “Of course.”

Neither of them spoke for a long moment until Spock changed the subject abruptly to a far more professional one. Instead, asking her how she was faring in his class and if she needed more help. The conversation was conducted in Vulcan which she was grateful for, the conversational practice was genuinely helping her with her language skills. Being able to spend time with and gawk at Spock was an added bonus. 

At the end of the day when she finally got back to her dorm and found Gaila there painting her toenails with a look of supreme concentration she had to suppress a hysterical giggle. Gaila would flip her shit when she inevitably found out the trouble that Nyota had managed to get herself into.