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Vaan is born with beautiful, bold, black Standard script across his back, right between his shoulder blades. Naturally, he has no idea it’s there until one particularly hot summer’s day, when he’s close to turning six years old, his older brother Reks blurts out over the breakfast table, “What does Vaan’s soul mark say?” He taps his brother’s back for emphasis.
Soul mark?
He looks at his parents who have narrowed their eyes at each other. Vaan has never seen them look at one another like that before and it makes him nervous. Eventually, his mother stiffly says, “It’s something Vaan should know.” Vaan’s father shakes his head, “He really doesn’t need to.”
They continue staring at each other in stony silence for several heartbeats before Vaan has the courage to ask, “What’s a soul mark?”
That breaks the icy tension and his parents look a bit shocked by the innocent question. Like they can’t believe they’ve never had this conversation with their youngest son before, considering what’s on his back. His mother explains how soul marks are the words a person’s soul mate will say to them when they first meet and that afterwards the words will change color to signify what type of soul bond they share. She shows him her words, which are in Dalmascan, wrapped around her wrist. They are a deep blue color.
“See? Here are mine. They turned blue to show me that my soul mate would be my dearest friend.” And despite the fierce stare down she just had with her husband, Vaan’s mother smiles very fondly at his father who blushes and grumbles, “Sometimes they can be wrong.”
“I don’t think so. I like that I married my best friend,” she says with the same soft smile Vaan and Reks inherited from her.
The breakfast conversation moves on from there and Vaan forgets all about it until bedtime. Reks is already snoring away when Vaan hears his parents heated discussion drifting down the hallway.
“Vaan needs to know—” his mother says firmly.
“Enough about that!” his father snaps. “Have you even thought about why an Archadian would say that to him?!”
There’s a long pause before his mother whispers, “It doesn’t mean he’ll be a pleasure serv—”
“Think about Reks!” his father cuts her off, sounding less angry and more hurt. “Think about how many children this generation were born mark-less. Something bad is going to happen... Why put it in Vaan’s head that he has to be with an Archadian?”
His parents never bring up his soul mark again.
Which is unfortunate because after they pass away, no one Vaan trusts can actually read the fancy Standard script on his back.
“It’s still black and I think it starts with a ‘Q’?” Reks says when Vaan is fourteen. “I wouldn’t worry about it though. These things have a way of working themselves out,” he says sagely. Which is rich, considering Reks is mark-less. Although, Vaan considers, maybe that’s why he can genuinely advise Vaan to ignore the words the his back.
He doesn’t show anyone else his mark, which he has taken to hiding behind a completely opaque metal vest (even if it stops above his waist). Not only because most everyone he knows cannot read cursive Standard, but because he would have absolutely no way of confirming if what they read to him is true or not.
He isn’t sure how to address this issue, since he can’t even check himself when the damn thing becomes active.
This becomes especially problematic at age fifteen, when his brother dies. That’s when he decides no one ever needs to see his mark, himself included. It’s not like there’s even an intact hand mirror left in Lowtown, let alone a vanity mirror big enough for him to twist his neck around to catch a peek of his words. And besides, considering what Archades (and that traitor Basch) have taken away from him, he would rather have nothing to do with his imperial soul mate, whoever it is.
Which is perfect timing, because once Archades occupies Rabanastre, Vaan actually feels relieved he has no idea what his words say.
He went from hearing an Archadian accent once or twice a year to suddenly everyday and he jumps whenever he hears it during the first week or two after Dalmasca’s surrender. He constantly hears the Archadian soldiers patrolling the street bark out, Quiet! Quickly, after him! Quit your whining, get back to Lowtown!
He doesn’t think that’s what his words say, but even that one hint Reks gave him is enough to drive Vaan to distraction and he almost gets caught several times when he should be focusing on fleeing after pickpocketing the bigoted soldiers.
His best friend Penelo offers to check his mark (she’s never seen it but has heard Reks comment about it enough to know where it’s located on Vaan), but he declines. He’s seen the way she caresses her left wrist when she’s nervous. She wants to meet her soul mate, and at this point Vaan has no idea if his has activated or not. What if it turned red for a romantic bond unbeknownst to him? Not only would it mean it’s too late to ever figure out who his soul mate is, but Penelo might feel hurt comparing it to whatever state her own mark is in!
He tries really hard to convince himself that he really doesn’t care about his mark at all.
He even does a fairly decent job of it until the night he meets Balthier.
The two of them are both after the same priceless crystal hidden inside a secret treasure room in the Dalmascan palace. Vaan, struck by a moment of genius, leads all the Archadian guards blocking the way on a wild goose chase by hurling insults at them until the path to the treasure room is clear. Once inside, he starts digging around for something juicy to bring back and show Old Dalan and Penelo when (as though by an act of some higher power...) the Goddess’s Magicite reveals itself to him inside a suit of ceremonial armor. It’s small, sparkly and seriously stunning.
Jackpot!
He’s just got his fingers around it when the door behind him opens and he hears an Archadian accent call out to him. He whips his head around and asks the silhouette in the doorway, “Who are you?”
And an extremely handsome brunette approaches him. Vaan’s brain feels like it suffers from heat stroke for a second.
His eyes scan the taller man up and down a few times, trying to focus on his face, but... Those are really tight leather pants this guy’s got on...
It’s a small mercy they hear the guards approaching, because right. Crystal. Soldiers. Exit!
(He will never admit how excited he is when the tall, dark stranger not only chases him down but catches him on the parapet.)
As he escapes through the sewers with the sky pirates (actual sky pirates!) Fran and Balthier, Vaan tries to keep calm. Yes, Balthier is... What’s the word for “everything you want in a person?” But he’s completely out of Vaan’s league and the second they’re out of here, he and his viera partner will fly away, never to be heard from again.
Which is why Vaan is holding onto this stupid rock so stubbornly. The longer he has it, the longer Balthier’s going to keep those green eyes locked on him!
So it’s understandable why Vaan is ticked off when, after they fail to avoid capture by Vayne Solidor, he comes to in the Nalbina prison with the stone held in custody along with the rest of his items. At this point he’d just like it as a memento of his meeting Balthier. He begins wandering around the prison to clear his head and figure out where his stuff might have been stashed before Fran comes back to show them how they can escape.
Of course it takes getting sucker punched by a member of the seeq prison gang for Vaan’s brain to put together the obvious.
His words are—supposedly—said by an Archadian.
Balthier has an Archadian accent.
Which means, there is a non-zero chance that Balthier could be his soul mate.
That the man in question actually comes to save Vaan two seconds later from being beaten to a bloody pulp just makes Vaan’s heart race all the faster.
Maybe it’s just the concussion talking, but he just might want to know who his soul mate is. For the first time ever! Sure, he’s always harbored a curiosity about who it could be, deep inside. But that was also kept firmly in check by the knowledge that his soul mate is Archadian. Not something Vaan wanted.
Until right now.
Balthier, he’s quickly learning, is nothing like the type of Archadians he has come to know and loathe over the past year and a half. Yes, he’s arrogant, condescending, and talks your ear off. But he’s also really smart and actually seems to enjoy showing Vaan what he knows.
Case in point. After they’ve retrieved their gear (including the Goddess’s Magicite), Vaan tries flicking the switch again on the timeworn device that looks as though it should not only turn on the main lights but maybe even open the gate blocking their escape with... (ugh) Basch, to the Bahareim Passage beneath the Nalbina dungeon. Only for nothing to happen. He scowls at it, as though he might change its mind through sheer force of will.
Balthier comes up besides him, holding his chin thoughtfully as he inspects the panel. “The fuse is blown.”
A bit on the defensive after the brunette chewed him out for his treatment of Basch just moments ago, Vaan gives him a questioning look but keeps his mouth shut.
Balthier notes his interest and points to a small copper wire Vaan never would have known to look for, that’s clearly snapped in two. “It’s a safety mechanism. Should there be a power surge, the copper wire melts before the entire electrical panel can get damaged. Which is why the switch isn’t receiving power now.” He tips his head back to look up at the entire structure the panel is attached to. “If the wiring is any indication, I’d say this is a central power relay of some sort. As it stands, I doubt we’ll find much still running down here.”
As the older man mulls over their predicament, Vaan spots a bangaa sitting in a dark corner of the lower level. Apparently he’s a former inmate, which Vaan learns by chatting him up, and he offers the blonde a tube fuse for his trouble. He shows it to Balthier who takes one impressed look at it and drags him back to the power relay to actually demonstrate how to install the new fuse. Vaan’s about to flick the switch again when Balthier grabs his wrist.
“Now you do it,” he explains patiently as he pulls out the new one and puts the blown fuse back in place.
And it really shouldn’t make him feel special but it does. No one’s really taken the time to teach him how to do much of anything beside stock shelves when he helps out at Migelo’s shop. Not wanting to screw this up, Vaan quickly does exactly what he saw Balthier do.
Except he puts it on upside down.
He’s mortified until Balthier takes it out and calmly hands it back to him. “Try again,” he encourages.
He nods and does just that. This time Balthier smiles and gestures to the switch, “Well, do the honors.”
The hum of the lights turning on is music to his ears.
So, okay. Balthier can be really nice and patient—when it suits him. Nothing to read too much into, right? They’re still going to part ways the second they’re out of this passage and Vaan will only have a cold hard stone and some adventuring tips to remember him by.
Except he soon finds out Penelo has been kidnapped due to a colossal misunderstanding caused by the sky pirate and the thief practically begs him for help getting to Bhujerba. But at least Balthier accepts the damned rock that brought them together in exchange for the flight up there. He tells Vaan to meet him at the Aerodrome and the blonde nods, resigned to paying an exorbitant price to get to the floating continent. Until Fran whispers in his ear on her way out, “He doesn’t want that thing. He was about to say ‘yes,’ anyway.”
He looks at her in disbelief and she actually winks at him before catching up to her partner. He’s not sure which sky pirate is causing his blush this time (they are both, admittedly, gorgeous).
And even though he already knew it would be too good to be true if Balthier turns out to be the Archadian he’s destined for, once he sees the Strahl, Vaan is ready to accept that whatever small hope he has is nothing more than a fantasy. The Strahl is amazing, and he doesn’t know a goddamn thing about airships! He can still tell.
But then Balthier has to go and invite him to sit in Fran’s co-pilot seat to watch what he does as he flies them away from Rabanastre, narrating everything and letting Vaan ask a million questions, not bothered in the least. Vaan half wants to ask him to stop because it’s just going to suck that much harder when the sky pirates inevitably leave for their next adventure after they save Penelo.
Except they don’t get Penelo back in Bhujerba. And the time he gets with Balthier just keeps getting extended again and again (even after they retrieve his best friend), until they’re suddenly a party of six, the supposedly-deceased Princess Ashelia B'nargin Dalmasca turns out to be alive and well, and she persuades Balthier to “steal” her.
That... That does not sit well with Vaan.
No one else even bats and eye at the demand, however. Basch, naturally, will go wherever the princess goes. Fran obviously will stick with her partner. That just leaves him and Penelo, and they definitely aren’t staying behind in Bhujerba if Ashe is leaving (there’s no way the Marquis will simply let them waltz back home to Rabanastre without interrogating them on her whereabouts).
And even though it’s Fran who asks what the two orphans intend to do, Balthier goes very still and watches Vaan intently, not relaxing his posture until the blonde says he wants to come with.
After all. It’s not like he has any reason not to hang out with Balthier some more, other than saving himself some hurt in the long run but... Look, it’s going to suck either way, at least if he joins in on the adventure he’s a bit happier for a bit longer.
And maybe it’s just the desert sun beating down on him, but Vaan comes up with another great idea: to play dead—or “sleep” in this case—when he and the sky pirate are lagging behind the rest of the group in the Ogir-Yensa Sandsea.
In actuality, it’s a litmus test of sorts. Depending on what Balthier does, Vaan is going to know whether or not it’s even worth pursuing his infatuation with the older man. Balthier could strike Vaan to “wake him up,” or worse, simply walk past his prone form and leave him there, either of which will be clear signals he is just not interested in the thief romantically. Or he could use a Prince’s Kiss, which at least will show he doesn’t want to hurt him, in which case Vaan will keep trying.
But Balthier does none of this and instead playfully flicks his nose, huffing out a quiet laugh when Vaan adamantly keeps his eyes close.
...Could Vaan not be as good an actor as he thought?
He’s shocked for a split second when he hears a SLAP until he realizes Balthier didn’t actually hit him, just clapped his hands next to his ear. Realizing the game is over, Vaan peeks one eye open.
“You’re not going to use a kiss?” he asks curiously. Just to see what Balthier says.
“Unfortunately we are all out of princes, but I can get Ashe if you like,” Balthier teases.
Vaan can get behind some banter. Heck, that’s even better than if the older man just used an item on him! He opens both eyes now and tries to outright flirt with him, “Oh, so you’re not an imperial royal in disguise?”
After a moment’s hesitation, Balthier tells him in all seriousness, “I’m technically not Archadian.”
Wait... He isn’t? Oh. Oh, Vaan sees now... He just assumed from that posh accent that Balthier grew up in the Archadian nobility and became a sky pirate on a whim. But... The brunette could have been abandoned as a kid in Balfonheim, and just picked up his accent from some ex-pat pirates, for all Vaan knows.
He might not know cursive Standard any more than Vaan does, for that matter.
In other words... Vaan’s an idiot.
He quickly gets to his feet, “Oh, r-right. If you’re a sky pirate, then... Right, you’re not Archadian.”
But Vaan really wishes he was.
By the next day, he shakes off this setback and decides: who cares? He’s seventeen and hasn’t let himself be interested in anyone for fear of a soul mark related snafu. But how could he have let that happen if he keeps trying to convince himself he doesn’t care? He’s young, he’s single. He’s allowed to be happy even if it’s with someone who isn’t his soul mate (whom he doesn’t care to meet)!
(Unless it’s Balthier. Then yes, yes he would like to know. Please.)
But he would first like to confirm that Balthier is available. (Vaan’s goal is definitely not to check whether or not he, himself, might be the sky pirate’s match that Balthier maybe, somehow, simply missed the signal for.) He starts rolling up those long linen cuffs whenever he gets the chance to check the older man’s wrists—given what a popular place wrists seem to be for these things—no such luck. But... Maybe that means his mark is also somewhere hard to see and Balthier has no idea they’re soul mates! (Hah!)
He thinks Balthier might be onto him though, given how quickly he snatches Vaan’s wrists whenever the blonde tries to find any piece of of the sky pirates ’s clothing to fold over to see additional skin on him.
Where is it?
What started off as a way to procrastinate putting himself out there and revealing his attraction to the sky pirate becomes inconsequential the night after the party escapes the exploding Leviathan. There isn’t enough room in the Strahl for all six party members to sleep comfortably, so the remaining four pair off to find separate lodgings in Rabanastre for the night. Easy enough for Vaan and Penelo, they can just go to the apartment they share with their ragtag group of war orphans.
As they settle down for bed, Vaan snuffs out the one candle in the room before putting his vest away for tomorrow (he does not recommend sleeping in metal clothes if it can be avoided). When he and his best friend are comfortable on the paper thin mattress they share, back to back, Penelo whispers to him.
“Hey, can I tell you something?”
She sounds excited. Curiosity piqued, he quietly says, “Sure.”
“I don’t even know where to start, so I’m just going to blurt it out!” she warns him. He nods in understanding, even though she can’t see it. But he really isn’t prepared at all to hear what she says next.
“I met my soulmate!” she gushes.
Vaan feels like he got punched in the gut. There suddenly isn’t enough air in his lungs.
“I met him in Bhujerba, but he’s not from there. Can you believe how getting kidnapped put me in the same place at the same time as him?!”
He needs to say something. This is Penelo. He should be ecstatic for her.
“Th-That’s great...” he manages.
“He’s younger than me, which I already knew, because my mark didn’t show up till I was four or so. I guess I just always assumed we would meet when I was in my twenties! But...”
I’m so happy, she breathes.
Vaan is crying. Why is he crying?! But he knows the answer. He’s burning with envy. He wants what Penelo is feeling right now.
He’s a terrible person.
“That’s great...” he parrots, in-between silent sobs.
Penelo babbles a bit more about how excited she is, not realizing she’s given enough hints for Vaan to piece together who she’s talking about. But the moment Penelo’s breathing evens out, confirming she’s asleep, Vaan sneaks out of the apartment. He’s already halfway to the Aerodrome before he even realizes where—or rather who—he’s running to. It’s also when he notices that he’s racing through the streets of Rabanastre vestless for the first time in over ten years.
Shockingly, it doesn’t matter matter right now.
He slips through the maintenance entrance to the Aerodrome and backtracks his way to the Strahl. Luckily, Balthier showed him how to unlock it from the panel located near the ramp just the day before. Once it lowers down, he’s in and finds the cabin he knows is Balthier’s and lets himself inside. The blinds are drawn, only allowing the thinnest rays of light from the docking bay to filter through, but his eyes have already adjusted.
Balthier looks a lot younger when he’s asleep.
He honestly only meant to check if the sky pirate was awake or not. He doesn’t even know what he would’ve done if he opened the door and found Balthier sitting up in his bed, reading or whatever he does late at night.
He certainly did not intend to be a total creep and plop onto Balthier’s bed and bury his face in his chest and cry like one of the heroines in those romance novels Penelo likes to leaf through.
He only grasps the older man’s woken up when he feels those long fingers pet his hair followed by a sleep-thick, “What’s wrong?”
He inhales sharply, which causes him to sniffle loudly. It doesn’t sound like Balthier’s angry... He risks looking up and the brunette just looks so concerned over Vaan that the blonde feels his face crumple.
He doesn’t deserve what he wants more than anything.
“Penelo told me she met her soulmate...” he whispers instead.
With what little light is available to them, he sees the confusion cross the sky pirate’s face. Which is valid. Vaan has made no secret Penelo is just his friend, not love interest. Out of context, that was a pretty misleading statement.
“Usually this is deemed good news...” Balthier says hesitantly.
“I know.” He does, he really does! He hides his face against Balthier’s night shirt as another sob wrack through him. “But I... I am so jealous she found her person, I can’t even look at her!”
That’s it. He’s ruined this. He’s shown his true colors as an awful, selfish, jealous brat who can’t even be happy for his friend’s good fortune.
Well. Since he royally screwed up any shot in hell he had with Balthier anyway...
He leans up and kisses him, fully expecting to get shoved off the bed or punched in the face. It makes him tense up and wonder why does everyone make such a big deal about kissing when Balthier suddenly grabs him by the hair and embraces him and forces Vaan’s mouth open and—
Oh... This feels nice...
He shyly tries to mimic what Balthier’s doing with his tongue and the grip the sky pirate has in his hair and around his torso abruptly get tight enough to be just on this side of not-painful. Only just.
Vaan likes it. He wants to feel Balthier too. Run his hands through his hair and mess it up, or over his skin to find out if he has any scars, maybe cup his face to pull him closer. And he would do all of those things if Balthier wasn’t squeezing Vaan’s arms in place! He tugs on the corner of the brunette’s nightshirt to get his attention.
It both works and it doesn’t. Balthier pulls away to rumble, “Either it stays or you go.”
In hindsight, Vaan just missed a very clear hint about where Balthier’s words are hiding.
But right now all he really wants to do is get back to kissing the sky pirate, so he merely grumbles at the restriction to moving his arms and initiates a second kiss, this time with tongue. It earns him a groan in his mouth and the blonde finds it’s one thing to hear a person make those kind of passionate noises through the paper thin walls of the projects in Lowtown.
It’s another thing entirely to feel Balthier make that noise because of him.
That’s when Vaan feels the older man’s fingers trail down his spine, right over his words and... Oh, Gods he wants...
Just for tonight... He’s going to let himself pretend Balthier is his soulmate.
He tries to nibble on Balthier’s lips and press up against him as hard as possible, which causes the sky pirate to emit a pleased noise. His hand wraps around Vaan’s waist, pressing their pelvises together and—shit he hopes Balthier doesn’t mind how hard he’s getting! (Of course he’d be too distracted from rubbing up against the sky pirate to fully take stock and notice if it’s reciprocated or not.)
What feels like far too soon after they started, Balthier breaks off their kiss like he has to rip Vaan away to stop himself before placing his hand against the blonde’s cheek.
“Do you want to stay?”
The way Balthier is looking at him makes Vaan wonder why he would be anywhere else? But...
He left his vest at the apartment.
In the morning... He won’t have a way to hide his back from Balthier, short of stealing the blanket.
He’s considering simply borrowing one the man’s shirts, but no... The mark on his back is so bold, Reks warned him it hazily shows through linen...
Balthier sighs and kisses him short and sweet.
Oh no, he took too long to ans—
“Go back to bed, Vaan,” Balthier says sadly.
It feels like a slap to the face. He races out of the Strahl in a flash.
He cools off the following day as they make their way south through the Giza Plains during the rains, in order to reach the Garif village. He’s never been a fan of this season, but the colder than usual wet weather gives Vaan an easy excuse for having such flushed cheeks anytime he sees Balthier out of the corner of his eye.
He can’t stop thinking about sleeping arrangements for tonight. Is it too presumptuous to just take a spot next to the sky pirate without asking? Maybe Balthier would hold him close like he did last night...
He’s so lost in thought, he doesn’t even notice the object of his affections is moments away from being mauled by a hyena that’s pinned him to the ground. But good thing Fran’s with them, ever alert to her surroundings. She runs over to kick the beast off her partner while Vaan’s daydreaming. He only comes back to reality after he hears Balthier fire his gun in the hyena’s face.
Feeling sheepish for being so inattentive, Vaan hovers around the sky pirate as they all take a breather at the abandoned nomads’ camp. Penelo offers to mend some tears in his black and gold vest, which Balthier thanks her for and tugs off the torn garment. From behind him, Vaan sees no rips in his soaking wet shirt or blood stains, which is a relief. He circles around Balthier’s right side and so far so good, until he sees something red near the brunette’s collarbone.
It looks like fresh blood beneath his shirt!
“You’re hurt!” he blurts out, leaning closer, planning to tug the collar of his shirt down to get a better look at the injury.
Except Balthier turns white as a sheet and slaps his hand over the red and shouts, “No, it’s fine!” He looks nervous.
...Because that isn’t blood, Vaan realizes.
That’s... Thats Balthier’s soul mark. Under his collarbone. Showing up through the wet material of his shirt...
He has a love match.
And even though it’s not Balthier’s fault, Vaan feels like the sky pirate just shot him in the heart.
His eyes start stinging and Balthier’s expression morphs to something akin to pity. That’s Vaan’s cue. He needs to get out of here before he really embarrasses himself. “I... I gotta check on—” he stammers before just running away from the camp.
He instinctively heads to the Crystal Glade and curls up in a crevice of the dried up sun stone there to partially shield himself from the wind and rain. Fiends don’t usually come here for some reason and it’s far enough away that no one will hear him if he cries as loudly as he needs to right now. As his body is wracked by sobs, his pain and self-pity start to turn into anger and frustration. Directed at Balthier.
Why did he kiss Vaan back if his mark is red?!
He can’t come up with a decent explanation that doesn’t involve toying with Vaan in some way and that just makes him cry harder. He thought he oh-so-cleverly checked to see if the sky pirate thought nothing of hurting him. Apparently not well enough. But the worst part is, he still wants to be near Balthier. Even though he’s madder than a wolf that’s accidentally sat on a cactoid...
He’s struck by the image of how Balthier smiles at him whenever Vaan gets in a critical hit or steals something particularly useful from an enemy. How happy that smile makes the thief feel.
Dammit.
He buries his head in his arms and lets himself cry harder than he has in two years.
Eventually he wanders back to the group and stays as far away from the sky pirate as he reasonably can. Penelo notices instantly and whispers to him as they trail behind the others, “What’s wrong? Are you two fighting?”
He arches an eyebrow at her; she makes it sound like he and Balthier are a couple. “No,” he answers coldly, not wanting to talk about this with Penelo of all people. (He knows he’s being unfair to her, but right now Vaan doesn’t care how she or anyone else is feeling.) She frowns at him and walks on ahead to talk to Fran. The two of them glance at him before turning their heads in unison to Balthier and Vaan rolls his eyes.
It’s really none of their business, but if it means everybody will leave him alone for a while, he doesn’t care what they’re gossiping about.
That night is hard though. On the border to the Ozmone Plain, they make camp and Vaan rigs the lots for the night watch schedule so that he is first and Balthier is last. His plan was to ensure Balthier would be fast asleep long before Vaan could select his own spot for the night, far away to avoid any awkwardness. But he ends up spending most of his watch looking at Balthier’s face, softened from sleep.
Not to mention he’s pretty certain the brunette sat right next to him during his own watch, judging by how tucked in Vaan finds himself upon waking up, when typically his blanket is all twisted up around his legs come morning. He’s not sure if he’s angrier at the sky pirate for continuing to string him along or at himself for feeling a small spark of happiness at the thought that Balthier might genuinely care about him, even a little.
At least he gives Vaan some much needed space until they reach the Garif village.
Once there, they bump into none other than Larsa Solidor. And even though Vaan already knew he was probably Penelo’s soulmate, the soft look the young imperial prince gives her stings Vaan.
That’s how Balthier looks at Vaan a lot. It makes him want to scream.
But he stays on his best behavior until after the Garif offer them a place to stay for the night and Vaan can finally wander off to get away from the happy soulmates. Unfortunately, he can’t seem to get away from the real cause of his misery. Once he’s across the bridge and by the entrance to the village, he hears Balthier call out to him, “Vaan, wait.”
He does not want to deal with this right now. He whips around and snaps, “I don’t want to talk to you.”
Balthier rolls his eyes. “That’s fine, I planned on doing the talking.” They lock eyes for a beat before he continues. “How can you even justify being upset with me? Aren’t you forgetting who snuck into whose bed?”
Shut up!, he wants to yell back but... The man has a point. Not to mention Vaan was the one who kissed Balthier, and if memory serves, it felt so good... Is it any wonder the sky pirate would kiss him back, in the heat of the moment?
The realization makes him pout which seems to encourages the older man to continue.
“... Besides. You have nothing to worry about with... This,” he gestures vaguely towards his collarbone, where Vaan now knows his red mark resides. Vaan sees his Adam’s apple bob before he breaks eye contact to look at Vaan’s feet.
“...It’s unrequited.”
The ground slips out from under him.
How... How can that be true? Before he realizes his feet are moving, Vaan is gripping Balthier’s sleeves by his elbows and staring into his bright green eyes.
“That’s impossible.”
Because Vaan is so in love with Balthier, it makes absolutely no sense that the guy’s soulmate wouldn’t have a red mark with what Balthier said at their first meeting! He’s convinced there has to be a misunderstanding.
Balthier doesn’t seem to agree. “It’s not unheard of,” he says bitterly.
Vaan shakes his head silently. This is a mistake. Sure, Balthier isn’t perfect—far from it—but he lives by own moral code and has a razor-sharp wit, which is more than Vaan can say about basically everyone he knows. (Plus he’s handsome as sin, but that’s neither here nor there.)
How can Balthier be tied to someone who doesn’t feel the same?!
So distracted by these thoughts, Vaan isn’t prepared for the sky pirate to suddenly grab his face and kiss him. “Mmph!” he squeaks in surprise before he realizes what is happening.
As he deepens the kiss, Balthier strokes his cheeks like Vaan is something precious to him.
Vaan feels a piece of himself break inside and sobs. He wraps his arms around Balthier’s waist and just squeezes tight, afraid that if he moves he’ll shatter this moment that he just wants to stay in forever.
When Balthier pulls back and steps out of his arms, Vaan worries he did something wrong until he hears footsteps running towards them from across the bridge. Not sure if they’ll continue where they left off after the interruption, Vaan meets Balthier’s eye to gauge his reaction. The look on the older man’s face makes his heart stutter.
Balthier looks like he wants to steal Vaan.
Ashe runs up to them, looking about as surprised as they are to find herself bursting in on this tableau. Balthier shakes his head clear and mutters, “Pardon me,” before heading back to the village, leaving Vaan alone with the princess.
Her eyes dart between the thief and the retreating sky pirate but eventually she gives her full attention to Vaan. “...You know, Rasler and I were not soulmates.”
“Huh?” What the heck brought this on?
“But we were very happy together. I would not trade my time with him for anything else in the world,” she says solemnly while staring down at her wedding ring.
“...You came out here to tell me that?” he stares at her, perplexed.
The princess shakes her head, “No... I thought I saw... But never mind. It must have been a trick of the moonlight.” The expression on her face goes from wistful to determined. “But, as long as you’re here, let me say this. There isn’t a whole lot of opportunity to find happiness in this life, Vaan. And there is no guarantee how long it will last.” Again her eyes drift to her ring as she twists it around her finger. “Make the most of what time you have with someone who makes you happy.”
This is ridiculous. Even Ashe is weighing in on his love life?!
You know what, fine! Just—fine! He gives up. To hell with his soul mark that he can’t even see. Screw unrequited marks for ruining people’s lives. And fuck Balthier’s soulmate, whoever they are.
Vaan is going to go for it!
Once the party’s on the road again, he decides to follow through on his daydream from the Giza Plains and sets up his bedroll besides Balthier’s... After the brunette has fallen asleep. He justifies to himself that the sky pirate is technically available and has made his interest clear to Vaan.
But he would still rather shield himself from flat out rejection, especially in front of an audience. At least with this strategy, Balthier (when he wakes up) can quietly move away, if he so chooses, with none the wiser and Vaan can avoid a whole lot of embarrassment (if not heartbreak).
Except he didn’t take into consideration how much he squirms around in his sleep and finds himself startled awake from Balthier jolting up at the crack of dawn every morning, breathing raggedly as he untangles himself from Vaan’s grasp. After one particularly abrupt jostle from the brunette as he snaps awake, Vaan catches through his lowered eyelids how the sky pirate clenches his fists as he stares down at Vaan, face flushed, before getting up and wandering away from camp for nearly half and hour.
...Is he mad?
The blonde’s suspicions are confirmed three nights later, which is the third time in a row that the night watch order has come up Vaan, followed by Balthier, making it impossible to continue sleeping next to the man on the sly. It’s too consistent to be a coincidence and Vaan sighs in acceptance that maybe he was coming on too strong.
Until Fran rolls her eyes at him from behind her partner’s back and mouths, “Fool,” while tilting her head in Balthier’s direction.
He raises a questioning eyebrow at her only for the viera to cross her arms and huff in frustration while glaring at Balthier’s back.
Oh. Well, if Fran thinks they’re being idiots...
Wait, she always thinks Vaan’s being an idiot. But still, maybe she’s trying to signal that in this particular instance, Balthier is being an even bigger idiot than Vaan.
Turns out he read her correctly for once. When they make it to the foot of Mt. Bur-Omisace, the sudden drop in temperature makes Vaan sneeze so loudly, it startles the entire group. Balthier snaps his head in Vaan’s direction and looks him over head to toe.
“Where’s your cloak?”
“Cloak?” he echoes in confusion. “I don’t own a cloak.”
At the incredulous look on older man’s face, he holds out his rucksack for proof. Balthier digs around a bit to confirm that there isn’t even a shirt inside, let alone winter gear, before slapping a palm over his face and making an exasperated sound through clenched teeth.
“...You okay?” Vaan asks.
“Come here,” Balthier bites out before grabbing the blonde by the elbow and pulling him tight against his side. Vaan opens his mouth to ask what he’s doing when Balthier pulls out his own cloak and wraps it around both their shoulders. “We’ll share,” is all he says before dragging Vaan along.
He died. Vaan’s sure of it. They must have just gotten to Mt. Bur-Omisace when a boulder fell out of the sky and onto his head. How else could this be happening right now? He can’t even pinch himself to confirm whether or not this is real because Balthier has his free arm trapped in a death grip.
As the wind whips around them, the sky pirate stops to adjust the cloak so that it covers both of their heads, growling the entire time.
“Hey,” Vaan says placatingly. “You don’t have to do this. I’ll just—”
“Freeze to death? Not an option, I’m afraid,” Balthier says as he resumes leading them up the mountain. He lets go of Vaan’s arm and clutches him by the waist instead.
Okay, this is just absurd now. Does Balthier want him or not?! Having lost all patience, Vaan shouts over the howling wind, “So are you done avoiding this?” He motions between himself and the brunette for emphasis.
Balthier almost slips in the snow. (And he probably would have too, if he wasn’t holding onto Vaan!) He shoots a piercing look at the blonde, “Is this really the conversation you want to have in front of everyone?”
“Did you say something?!” Penelo shouts at the top of her lungs to be heard over the wind. She and Larsa are not even three steps behind them.
Vaan gives him a look that all but screams, “You were saying?”
Balthier rolls his eyes. “Regardless, let’s wait until after we finish our business with the Gran Kiltias, shall we?”
The wind chooses that exact moment to change directions and blast the blonde in the face, giving him no choice but to close his eyes and try to hide behind some of the warm fabric wrapped over his head.
Balthier sighs as he redistributes his cloak to almost completely cover Vaan’s face, even at the expense of his right arm.
The Gran Kiltias is not what Vaan was expecting. For one, he doesn’t appear hume, or nu mou, or really any race Vaan is familiar with in Ivalice. And two, he’s fast asleep!
Or not. He speaks to them all in their heads and it makes Vaan shudder nearly as bad as the cold did.
But more to point, their meeting with Anastasis gets derailed by the mysterious Al-Cid who actually is an imperial prince, albeit Rozarrian (and Vaan discovers he does have a limit to how much arrogance he can stand, and this is it! He thanks his lucky stars that Balthier is not in fact a secret Archadian prince after all). And people may give Vaan a lot of flak for blurting stuff out, but seriously? This guy just told Larsa his father was murdered without even batting an eye!
Talk about dense.
After that, Penelo accompanies her soulmate to a private room to console him, and Vaan has half a mind to join them, given his own experience with decreased family. But he figures his presence isn’t necessary. Ashe then announces they will rest here for the night before descending the mountain to reach the Stilshrine of Miriam and the kiltias offer them some tents—
“I’ll bunk with Balthier,” he quickly volunteers while raising his hand.
Balthier looks like he is seriously considering exposing himself to the elements to avoid being alone with him, but Vaan doesn’t let that sway him. The guy wouldn’t let go of him on the way up the mountain until he was convinced the desert thief wouldn’t freeze to death! Vaan’s not going to just ignore that!
No. Today he’s going to face his biggest problem head on.
...Except he literally can’t, so he’ll have to suck it up and ask Balthier the question that’s been driving him crazy since the sandsea.
Once they’re alone in their tent, and Vaan realizes he’s really about to go through with this, he becomes a bundle of nerves. His palms are all sweaty. There isn’t enough air in this small tent. He’s trembling! But who can blame him?
No one has seen his mark in over two years.
...Maybe this isn’t a good idea.
From the opposite corner of their small space, Balthier asks, “...You wanted to discuss something with me?”
Did Vaan say that? He probably implied it by forcing Balthier to spend the night with him! He locks eyes with Balthier and...
He’s scared. He’s so scared of all the ways this could go wrong. That his mark is still inactive. That it is active, but not a match for Balthier. That he’s tied to someone else and he missed who his soulmate is entirely.
That he’ll ask Balthier to read it and the sky pirate will flat out refuse.
Vaan doesn’t know what his own face looks like right now, but whatever it’s doing causes the older man’s brow to furrow before he gets up to leave! He looks over his shoulder as he holds up the tent flap, “You don’t have to for—“
“Youcanreadcursiveright?” Vaan blurts out all in one breath, cutting him off.
Stay. Stay. Stay. his mind chants. He will never get the courage to ask again if Balthier leaves right now.
“...Pardon?” the brunette drops the tent flap and faces him directly.
Breathe. He needs to breathe. He just needs to get the words out once in a coherent fashion. Then he never needs to ask anyone else again. Because even if Balthier says “no,” (it doesn’t matter how he means it) then Vaan promises himself there will never be a reason to ask anyone else because he’ll be too busy picking up the pieces of his shattered heart off the floor.
He tries again, slowly. “You’re not Archadian, but you can still read cursive Standard, right?”
As he hears the question, Balthier gets this tiny spark of hope in his eyes but Vaan is obviously just projecting.
Because wouldn’t that be nice? Balthier pining over Vaan this whole time!
But Balthier isn’t laughing. Or leaving. Or telling him “no.”
“Of course,” he murmurs. Like he already suspects why Vaan would ask him that out of the blue.
His heart is racing. This is already going better than he expected. He can’t look at the sky pirate anymore and his eyes drift to the floor as he mumbles his request.
“You want me to look at your mark...?” Balthier repeats for confirmation.
“Someone has to,” he whispers at the floor.
He is so nervous as he unhooks the pendant that fastens his vest closed and slides off the metal garnet to turn around and reveal his mark.
“It’s on your back?!” Balthier shouts.
Vaan waits on pins and needles for him to read it out loud. Or comment on it. Or say anything at all, really. But the older man is just standing behind him in silence.
He winces at how stupid an idea this was. Balthier must think he’s an idiot—
“...You’ve never seen it before?”
Balthier sounds a little breathless. Why is that?
He shakes his head furiously. “I’ve never had a mirror big enough.”
“And no one has ever read it to you.” Balthier’s voice is drifting closer.
Even though it’s not a question, Vaan swallows before responding. “My mother could read it, but my father didn’t like that it looks like I’m matched with an Archadian.”
Balthier’s voice is right behind him, “He’s not, he defected.”
...He?
Vaan whirls around, shocked. “You know who it is?! Does it say a name?!”
“No name,” Balthier murmurs as he pulls Vaan against him and starts to tilt his head up.
“Then... Then how—”
“That’s my handwriting,” the sky pirate whispers against his lips.
It takes his brain two seconds to process what that means and an additional five to instruct his arms to shove the man away, given how easily distracted Vaan is when Balthier is tasting him like that. The brunette looks a bit surprised to find he’s not kissing back, but Vaan is more likely to kill him than kiss him right now.
Glaring daggers at the older man, Vaan growls, “You said your soul mark was ‘unrequited.’” He blinks back tears of rage. “Were you just messing with me? I swear, Balthier if you’re lying to me, I will leave. I will go home and never speak to you again.” And without meaning to he blurts out, “I wanted it to be you so much.”
A look of alarm passes over Balthier’s face and he starts hastily tearing off his vest and shirt in a very uncharacteristic manner. Then he points to the red words nestled under his right collarbone, “Look familiar?”
Vaan struggles with reading even printing press Standard, let alone this cockatrice scratch, but slowly reads aloud, “Who... Are... You.”
Ouch. That’s almost as useless as Hello. He gives Balthier a sympathetic look. “Wow, you must have been really frustrated.”
“You have no idea,” the brunette says with a deadpan expression. “But I wager if I asked you to write that down it’d be the same scribble that’s on me.”
Is that how this works?! Cheeks turning pink, Vaan asks, “So you knew it was me, but you didn’t say anything? Why not?”
And for first time in their acquaintance, Balthier actually blushes (Vaan kind of likes it, but that will be food for thought another day). “You didn’t react at all to what I said to you in the treasure room. Naturally, I assumed that meant I wasn’t your match.”
Wait. What did Balthier first say to him that night in the palace? Vaan tries to look over his own shoulder, not that that’s been successful before. “What does it say? I don’t remember what you said when we met!”
But Balthier ignores the question and turns Vaan’s face around to kiss him again. He’s annoyed for maybe half a second before he decides the sky pirate has the right priorities.
He has a lot of firsts with Balthier that night. The sky pirate can’t seem to keep his hands off Vaan, whether it’s stroking him to completion or holding him tight. Vaan loves all of it... Even the self-indulgent tracing of his words on his back.
Quite a performance.
Leave it to Balthier to give his soulmate a backhanded compliment at their first meeting. Not to mention spy on Vaan! He pieced together that the sky pirate must have been watching him shout, “Hey, bucket head!” from the shadows as Vaan fumbled his way to the secret treasure room in the Dalmascan palace.
Which... Doesn’t seem as brilliant an idea now as it did at the time. Gods, he even cat-called some of the beefier guards by cooing, “Hellooooo!” before sprinting off in the opposite direction!
But none of that matters now, as dawn is creeping up and Vaan stirs awake, nestled in Balthier’s arms. He shifts aside to stare at the words on sky pirate’s chest. Proof that he is in fact Balthier’s soulmate. He still can’t believe this is real.
Without realizing it, he starts tracing over the red words beneath Balthier’s collarbone. Who are you? He wishes he had said something more charming or at least original than that.
Balthier snatches his hand and brings it to his lips to kiss his knuckles with his eyes closed.
“You awake?” Vaan whispers, just in case this is an odd thing the brunette does in his sleep. You know. Kiss people’s hands.
“I might just be ticklish there,” Balthier murmurs, his voice rough from sleep. His eyes open a sliver to look at Vaan’s face. “Feeling all right?”
He’s sore, if he’s being honest. But he doesn’t want to admit that. “Never better,” he lies.
Balthier smirks and shuts his eyes while squeezing Vaan tight, “Of course. What was I thinking?”
Feeling incredibly self-conscious in the light of day, Vaan isn’t sure what to do with his hands or whether it’s okay to kiss Balthier while they’re like this. Although, he just kissed Vaan’s hand so...
He leans up and kisses Balthier’s chin. He gets a kiss on his nose in return and it starts a back and forth that leads to him being spun around and spooned by the larger man. “Hey!” he protests, trying to wiggle back around.
“Shhh,” Balthier shushes him. “We can pick up from there after someone comes to get us. Let me rest for now.”
He has a point. Vaan tries to crawl out of his arms to get dressed when the sky pirate tightens his arms around him. “Where are you going?” he asks sleepily.
“You said someone will be coming to get us...?” Vaan answers hesitantly.
Balthier huffs in amusement before kissing the top of Vaan’s head. “And they’ll leave when I tell them to.”
Oh. Well in that case. He settles against Balthier’s chest and clasps the hand against his heart. He may never actually get the chance to see his mark for himself. He certainly wouldn’t be able to read the script himself, especially if it’s written as flamboyantly as he’s expects it to be after watching Balthier jot down notes in their Clan Primer. But for once—and this time he is being completely honest with himself—Vaan doesn’t care.
Not when Balthier wants to be with him too.