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"So, what's your favorite color, Suguru?"
Satoru's loud and energetic voice echoed throughout Suguru's head even minutes after it has quiet down. For the whole time he just sat there quietly, furrowing his eyebrows and absently biting on his lips trying the hardest to answer the question. What was his favorite color?
Satoru just sat there quietly and though it was hard for him, he patiently waited. It was hard to just sit and watch without saying anything. He had the hardest time holding back a giggle at Suguru's focused expression. Every time he was about to break the silence he reminded himself of Shokos's advice and that shut him up immediately. This was an important step and any interference could set him back several steps.
It was some time after they managed to free Suguru from the sorcerer taking over his brain. Satoru would never forget the frightened and panicked face his lover made, the way his voice shook and his he gripped Satoru's so tightly it had a few rips in them afterwards. Sometimes Satoru was able to see the same look on his face, in his most vulnerable moments mostly at night after a scream woke both of them up. No matter how many times he'd see it, it would never hurt any less and the anger that reawakened every time his eyes grazed the large scar on his forehead was earth shattering.
It was obvious that after all that time of your body being controlled that it'll have some long term effects on somebody, but hearing Shoko tell him that Suguru lost all sense of himself was something Satoru did not know how to react to. Suguru knew his name and his age, that was all. He'd later also tell Satoru that he knew that the two of them had some kind of deeper connection, he couldn't really pinpoint why but he knew that they did and that would almost cause Satoru to burst into tears.
For the sake of gaining himself back Shoko recommended for Satoru to take it upon him. Not that he would be her preferred pick, it was just that she already knew that Suguru would have at least more trust in Satoru and therefore the recovering process would be much easier and quicker. So she gave him clear instructions hoping that it somehow would turn Satoru into a better person.
"First you start with simple questions." She'd start explaining and the fact that Satoru's face looked rather bored didn't help her uneasiness at all.
"You'll ask one question per day. No more, no less. Anything else could overwhelm him and cause his brain to shut down again. You do not answer the question for him either. Never, even if you know the answer or he takes too long to answer. Never interrupt his thinking process either. Wait for his answer before you comment." Her voice was strict and firm and Satoru felt like he was being scolded like a child.
He scoffed slightly, looking through the papers Shoko gave him before asking: "What if he doesn't know the answer?"
"Then you help him find it. But never, under any circumstances, just give him out the answer. There's a reason it's called finding yourself."
With that, Satoru did as he told. It started off very easy and though it was a real strain on who he was as a person.
"What's your name?"
"Getou Suguru?" He'd answer the first question, his eyebrow furrowed in confusion while he chewed away at his breakfast, obviously confused on why he'd suddenly ask something like that.
Time until answer: 3 seconds
"What's your age?"
"28" He muttered absently while continuing to read the book on his lap.
Time until answer: 45 seconds
"What's your cursed technique?"
"Curse manipulation." He answered while watering the plants in Satorus living room.
Time until answer: 1 minute and 30 seconds.
"How does your curse technique work?"
"I ingest them in form of balls." He said while watching some weird cooking show.
Time until answer: 2 minutes and 55 seconds.
"What is your favorite color?"
"I don't know." He said while sitting opposite from Satoru on the floor. His face visibly distraught and scared. What person didn't know his favorite color?
The fact that Satoru didn't respond for a while, also being caught off guard since he didn't really know what to do with the 'I don't know' didn't help either.
Suguru could feel himself starting to panic, frantically looking through the room searching for something like his favorite color would just start to appear out of thin air.
Satoru's giggle slightly snapped him out of it. His head turned back to the man in front of him who was smiling at Suguru.
"Guess we'll have something to work on then."
Time until answer: 5 minutes.
Now, the really difficult part was figuring out how to get started on finding someone's favorite color. There was such a huge variety of them where were they supposed to get started? The fact that Satoru didn't know Suguru's favorite color either didn't help at all. How was he supposed to know that the only question Satoru didn't know the answer to would be the very one Suguru didn't know either?
Satoru figured that he would start it off simple with the primal colors. Yellow, red and blue.
He started off with searching up different shades of yellow. The color was part of his kesa after all, he must have had some liking to it, right?
Obviously, he couldn't just go in with a PowerPoint presentation consisting of 50 shades of yellow. That wouldn't only be overwhelming but useless as well. Who can differ between so many shades and tell that exactly that one shade is the right one? Especially with seeing so much yellow in a short period of time.
Satoru imagined it being similar to smelling perfume in a perfumery. After a while all you would be able to smell is yellow and not be able to distinguish between the new and old yellow.
So he went by it the small way. His first approach was when he was folding laundry. Maybe it wasn't the smartest way to go by it, but it was an attempt.
He folded his and Suguru's laundry when a lemon colored piece of fabric caught his eye. Before even processing what item that could possibly be, he pulled it out and waved it around in the air, triumphantly cheering. That caused Suguru to divert his attention from the true crime documentary in front of him to his weird roommate. He almost chocked on his own spit at the sight but didn't do anything, just waiting for the next thing to happen.
"What do you think of this Suguru?" He asked, excitedly shoving the fabric in Suguru's face who shifted back a little not really knowing how to react. A blush slightly crept up his cheeks and he averted his gaze to the side. "They're nice I guess? Seems like comfortable underwear.." He mumbled slightly and Satoru just froze for a second, processing the answer of the black-haired male.
He furrowed his eyebrows, looking down to indeed see a pair of his underwear in his hand and if he weren't Gojo Satoru right now he would've probably blushed out of embarrassment. Instead he giggled before explaining. "I mean the color. Do you like it?"
Suguru directed his gaze back to the fabric in Satoru's hand in furrowed his eyebrows. "It's alright I guess. Why are you asking? Are you going out with a woman tonight Gojo?"
Satoru's smile immediately dropped.
That was something he always shoved into the back of his mind that only boiled up when he was directly confronted with the fact again. Suguru has lost all sense of himself, therefore also everything related to Satoru.
The white haired man often tried to explain to him how it was completely fine to call him by his first name, how they're best friends that knew each other since high school - purposefully leaving out the fact that they were lovers to not overwhelm him yet again - but Suguru simply refused to call him Satoru.
"It's fine if you want to call me by my first name I don't mind. It just feels weird for me to not call you Gojo. I'm sorry." Satoru could still hear the voice echo in his mind and every time he remembered his heart stung a little bit.
For him, this was still Suguru, his long best friend. His one and only.
For Suguru he was just a kind stranger lending him a room.
He swallowed, trying to ignore the lump in his throat as he moved to look at the fabric and plastered a small smile on his face. "So would you say this is your favorite cooler?" He asked, trying to ignore the obvious mood drop in the room to make Suguru a little more comfortable.
"Um, it's nice but I don't think it would be one of my favorites."
The next time Satoru tried was the only way he actually knew much about. Sweets.
He was walking down the streets of Roppongi , looking at the various stands, trying to ignore all the people around him when a mochi shop came in his line of sight. Or rather - when he sensed it.
His face immediately lighting up he went inside and spent a good amount of money in there.
That's why Suguru was now seated at the dinner table in front of a mountain of yellow colored mochi - lemon flavored apparently.
Satoru sat directly opposite of him, smiling brightly as he carefully studied Suguru's expression who in return looked at him like he lost his mind.
"Well," Satoru clapped his hands. "What do you think?" He asked cheerfully and Suguru raised an eyebrow. "Like as in, how does it taste?"
Satoru picked up a mochi, holding it up to his face and Suguru flinched away for a second, his cheeks slightly flushing. That reaction maybe seemed normal for bystanders, but Satoru's stomach dropped a little and he had to fight back a frown.
He was about to put his hand back down and apologize about that sudden outburst. What was he thinking? Oh, right. He wasn't thinking. It was just a natural reflex for Satoru to feed Suguru. It was comparable to the habits one adapts and does without thinking after a while. As if on autopilot.
When Satoru saw a bush, he'd rip a leaf of it.
When Satoru saw other people he'd put up a smile.
When Satoru had food, he'd feed it Suguru.
Suguru stopped his train of thought while hesitantly moving his head forward. He gave the mochi in front of him an unsure look, trying his hardest not to look at Satoru who was staring at him in awe without even noticing.
Finally, he took a little bite and Satoru's breath hitched a little. Without even intending to his mind started to wander and he found himself as his 15-year-old self.
They haven't known each other for that long yet, still they were the two special grades of the school. The two prodigies everyone has seen as undefeatable. It didn't matter that they were only first years, they still got send to the most difficult missions that experienced first grades couldn't even handle.
At least they got send together. At least they had each other. Even though they didn't warm up to each other yet.
It was after a particular hard mission. They had more than a few bruises and scratches. Their feet tired from walking so much and Getou swore he'd pass out every second. An excited gasp from Satoru snapped him out of his trance and he turned around to see the beat up boy much more excited than he should be able to be. He was staring at a cafe and Suguru furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. What was so great about a cafe?
"Getou, Getou, look!" He excitedly pat Suguru's shoulder, not even noticing that Suguru was already looking and the black haired sorcerer could feel himself grow irritated since he was continuously hitting a bruised spot.
"What is it?" he asked harsher than intended but Satoru didn't even mind.
"Let's eat some sweets!" He grabbed Suguru's uniform, already dragging him towards the entrance of the cafe before Suguru could even whine in protest.
So he found himself sitting at a small table with an overly excited Satoru looking at the various pastries and sweets in front of him. Suguru just ordered a black tea, starring at the goods in front of him with a mix of judgment and concern. Won't Satoru grow sick of all these sweets?
Without a care in the world Satoru started to munch on a piece of cake. Suguru on the other hand just shifted around nervously in his chair. He was awfully aware of the weird stares the waiters and other guests gave the both of them. He couldn't even blame them he would probably stare too if two beat up kids in torn uniforms were sitting in a cafe. He also started to feel his body aching more and more. He really wanted nothing more than to get healed by Ieri and sleep.
His train of thought was interrupted with a sudden mochi being shoved into his face. He furrowed his eyebrows, his eyes focusing on the white man holding the said sweet.
"Eat something." He just said and Suguru looked at the mochi for a second. Was that Satoru's way of showing consideration? Did he sense his nervousness and even worried a little?
"Hurry up." Satoru rolled his eyes and Suguru sighed in annoyance as a response.
Quickly he bit into the mochi and chewed on it slowly. Satoru retreated his hand, studying Suguru while smirking slightly.
"So how is it?"
"Bittersweet." Suguru breathed.
Satoru just nodded slightly.
"Yeah."
What is Suguru's favorite color?
Not yellow.
The next color he planned on trying was blue. Satoru figured it was easier, since the chance of it being Suguru's favorite color was way higher. First of all, his eyes had that colour and if your lover eye color isn't you favorite is he really your lover?
Second of all blue is everywhere. You just have to look up to see it.
So that's what they did. They were walking around a park. Satoru just taking fast strides, rambling about something completely trivial was Suguru slowly trailed after him, stopping every once in a while to look at a squirrel running by or playing children. His eyes held something soft every time.
After a while Satoru suddenly stopped, Suguru not noticing ran straight against his back. Embarrassed he quickly took a few steps back to then expectantly look a Satoru, awaiting an explanation.
Satoru just pointed up, smiling slightly and puzzled Suguru followed his finger and was met with the clear bright blue sky. "So, what do you think?" Suguru stayed quiet for a while. "Is that a question regarding my favorite color again?" He asked and Satoru giggled.
"Yup! Now answer, do you like it?" After Suguru didn't answer for a while Satoru added "I think it's very pretty."
"It's nice but not really my favorite color." Suguru said, directing his gaze back to the sorcerer in front of him and he giggled once again. "Oh yeah? Then how about this." He playfully took his sunglasses off, expecting to banter with his friend a little bit.
Instead he was met with a Suguru who had an expression on his face that he didn't really understand. He looked concentrated, like he was actually trying to figure out if Satoru's eyes are his favorite color and the white haired man could feel his cheeks heating up.
Before he could interrupt the situation with one of his snarky remarks when the situation was interrupted by a female giggle.
Suguru's gaze wandered from Satoru to something behind them and his whole demeanor suddenly changed. His body tensed, fist clenching and his eyes widened. His expression looked now stressed, like that from an animal that decided if it was in danger and needed to flee.
"Suguru?" Satoru tried to snap him out of it, turning around to find the source of his sudden distressed, expecting to be able to calm him down, but instead he froze as well. No wonder he was so stressed.
In front of them was a group of teenager at the river that passed through the park. The moment Satoru turned around the boy in the water just threw something that looked like a mud ball at the screeching girl that was running away from them.
Satoru felt like throwing up.
For a moment his vision melted with his memories and he felt the world around him spin. Quickly, he slightly slapped his face, taking a deep breath before turning around and grabbing Suguru's wrist, ignoring the other flinching at the contact.
They walked for a while in complete silence, Satoru dragging Suguru along by his wrist.
"So about the-"
"No, I don't think I like that color."
Since it was established that Suguru didn't like light blue, Satoru would now try dark blue. Once again, in the area he knows best. Sweets. Every time he moved out of that topic it just bit him back, so he'd rather stay on the save side.
He was in the kitchen, baking a blueberry cake and therefore cutting up some blueberries when Suguru entered.
"You can bake?" He asked, positioning himself next to Satoru, carefully watching every movement of his hands like a cat playing with its toys.
"Yeah, as Jujutsu sorcerer you kind of need to be skilled in stuff like that since you're always alone."
Suguru just hummed in acknowledgment, continuing to watch Satoru prepare the ingredients and Satoru continuing to bake, trying to ignore the aching of his heart. This scene was so domestic and it was so ironic that someone like Satoru would crave such thing and he didn't. He craved Suguru's love and calmly relishing in each other’s presence was so much like Suguru.
It pained his soul knowing Suguru wasn't experiencing this situation like he did.
Apparently, Suguru wasn't experiencing this situation at all like Satoru, because he interrupted the silence with a "Are you scared of being locked?"
Satoru was so startled by that question the knife slipped, leaving him with a bleeding cut in his finger. He wasn't reacting to that at all though, instead he was just staring at the cutting board with widened eyes, watching it slowly dye red from his blood.
"There are no locks in your house and Shoko mentioned something about you being sealed. Are you-"
"Shut up." Satoru interrupted him harshly. His breathing was ragged and his glare still focused on the cutting board. His whole posture was tense, he was leaning against the counter like his legs would give in if he wouldn't and Satoru was certain they would.
Suguru didn't falter at Satoru's outburst at all. He just directed his eyes down to where Satoru was staring and started to move his hand. Slowly he grabbed the wrist of the hand with the cut and Satoru flinched at the contact. Suguru lifted his hand up to his face and just stared at the cut with no emotion on his face.
Satoru grew nervous as he watched Suguru, trying to figure out what he was trying to do, his hands still shaky.
Suguru just watched the blood trail down Satoru's finger, down his palm and finally arriving at Suguru's hand as well, flowing down his hand as well.
"Huh." He let out, almost in thought.
"I think I like red."
After that he visited Shoko, complaining to her how out of all things him injuring himself led to Suguru finding out his favorite color and how that probably had a deeper subconscious meaning that should be really concerning.
Shoko in response just furrowed her eyebrows, looking at him like he just said the dumbest stuff he ever said. "What color did he say was his favorite?"
"Red." Satoru mumbled while pouting and Shoko stared at him in disbelief.
"And you believed that?"
Now Satoru was the one to look confused.
"Uh, yeah?"
Shoko stared at him for a second before sighing.
"You don't know his favorite color?"
"You do?" He jumped up, shouting in excitement and Shoko nodded slowly.
"Obviously? He's a dear friend?"
Every normal person would feel shame to not know such a trivial thing about his partner, especially when everyone else around him knew that fact, but that was Gojo Satoru we were talking about.
"Tell me!" Satoru moved forward, completely disregarding personal space as he usually did. Shoko just shook her head though, which caused Satoru to pout again and complain how his friend was no fun at all.
"That's for him to tell you. Anyway, is there anything else?"
Satoru grew unusually serious at that question and stayed quiet for a while almost as if he was thinking before talking and Shoko could feel herself grow anxious at that.
"Before we figured out the favorite color part.." Satoru started a little unsure.
"He mentioned my.. fear." Satoru pressed out the words almost as if they were hurting him. Shoko just nodded, showing him that she understands and there's no need to force him to continue. "I see, how is that weird?" She asked and Satoru chewed on his lips.
"He never really complained about the things I've done. You know, like a stranger who is just grateful that someone let's him stay over, not caring about his weird antics."
"Was there some kind of unusual situation recently that could've caused him to regain something of himself? Like, something reminding him of his childhood or something like that."
Satoru's body tensed and he swallowed heavily.
"We visited the park and there was a scene to which he did react weirdly.."
Shoko knew better than to question him further, if Satoru didn't go into detail he had his reasons.
So she just nodded as he started to write things down on her computer.
"So what's your favorite animal?" Satoru asked. His posture was slumped and he had dark circles under his eyes similar to Shokos. Suguru knew why they were there. Occasional screams sounding through the house in the middle of the night told him all he needed to know. Especially since it seemed the day where everything happened came closer. 31th October. Shoko told him roughly about it after he woke up.
"Monkeys." He said without missing a beat and Satoru choked on his coffee.
Suguru didn't really make progress ever since that color question. Could he really remember as much as..his weird cultist phase?
"What?" Satoru asked between coughs and Suguru seemed to grow more unsure the more time passed.
"Did I say something wrong? I just think they're nice. I saw a documentary recently and they seemed quite adorable." Suguru explained shyly, nervously playing with his hands and Satoru couldn't help but feel warm at the cute behavior of his lover.
"No- no they are just weird individuals that's all." Satoru commented and Suguru's expression grew bewildered. "What do you mean?"
"Well they're pretty ugl-" A sudden pillow landed in Satoru's face and next thing he knew Suguru tackled him. "Take that back! They're adorable!" Satoru just started to giggle as Suguru sat atop of him, Satoru's arms pinned to the ground.
For a second it felt like nothing ever changed.
Like they both were still 17, a fresh couple yet still the same idiots they always were.
Satoru opened his eyes and only then did he realize just how close Suguru was to his face. A blush crept up his cheeks and Suguru seemed to realize their situation as well because his face turned completely red.
Satoru giggled again while closing his eyes.
And when he opened them his vision was blurry. A heavy weight was on his lap and arm and he could recognize a silhouette of a person. Of his person.
A sudden warmth enveloped his cheeks and he could feel the tears being wiped away in a gentle motion.
Satoru blinked a few times to be met with such gentle and loving eyes his heart ripped apart. How could he look at him like that? He was bleeding out and yet he looked at Satoru like they were getting married right now.
It wasn't supposed to happen like this.
He wasn't supposed to be send on a mission yet.
He told the higher ups over and over.
He begged them to at least send them alongside Satoru.
And yet they send him on one the moment Satoru was abroad.
They tried to get rid of him.
"Please stop crying, you're blocking the view." He giggled which was followed by a few coughs causing him to spit out blood.
"St-stop that. Shoko will be here soon. She'll patch you up- She'll-"
"Satoru."
Satoru froze upon hearing these words.
"I- I lied." He pressed out and Satoru didn't say anything, just listening in awe what his lover was saying.
"Red is nice, but I always liked light blue the most." He said softly, his thumb brushing underneath Satoru's eyes and Satoru let out a choked up sob. hat
The hand on his cheek suddenly went limp and fell down. Satoru widened his eyes in panic, starting to shake the lifeless body in his arms.
"Suguru! Suguru wake up!"
After 2 minutes’ realization hit him.
His eyes went back to its normal size as he stared at the body for a second, taking everything in.
He buried his face in Suguru's chest and let out a scream in pain.
Three times.
That's how many times he has lost him now.