Chapter Text
Eighteen years.
From an outsider’s point of view, eighteen years measure the amount of time Taiga has spent living on earth.
But to Taiga, eighteen years measure the amount of time he spent preparing to die.
He was a young man with a strong and steadfast mindset - but born with a weak and frail heart. Surely, it was no one’s fault he had ended up that way. His mother had taken good care of him when he was a child- god bless her soul. She didn’t have a history of health complications, nor did anything that could risk a miscarriage. Taiga’s mother was loving and provided him with everything he needed to live a happy life. It’s just that, some misfortune beyond their control chose to befall him. His father, on the other hand, had disappeared from his life when his condition worsened and the medical bills became a hindrance to his freedom. So god fuck his soul, Taiga thought bitterly. His mother died when he was seven and his father left him a few months after.
After all the inevitable grief and the issue of who would be responsible for him, his grandmother took him in and let him study at the private school nearby her home. And as much as he appreciated her genuine concern for his welfare and upbringing, frankly, he hated attending school. All around him, he sees a myriad of opportunities he greatly wanted to do but couldn’t because of his godforsaken heart. All he was allowed to do was study and read and he wasn’t interested in that. He was itching to move, to run, to fight. Not the kind of fighting delinquents would do -but fight in the sense of competing against another through sports and other exhilarating physical activities. He wanted to feel the adrenaline people talk about; he wanted to feel the excitement of reaching the apex of his body’s capabilities. Yet all he was allowed to do was to sit and watch.
Of course, Taiga had tried being rebellious about staying still. He was inherently stubborn and persistent. So one day when he was thirteen, he had committed one of the most reckless acts he had ever done in his life. Instead of sitting down like usual during physical education, Taiga ran on the oval while the teacher was busy timing three other students on the other lanes. His classmates were in awe, amazed at how fast he was running and deduced that he was healing and getting better. But before he could reach a full minute, Taiga felt his heart palpitating to an abnormal degree until he felt it stop. Then he blacked out and was brought to the hospital.
When he was brought back to consciousness, his grandmother threw a fit and scolded him so hard she could’ve been the one to suffer from a heart attack. But he knew she meant well so he didn’t talk back. He did do something really stupid, after all. But even though Taiga could have almost died back there in the oval, he couldn’t help but smile when he remembers what it felt like to feel the rush of adrenaline coursing in his veins.
Now it’s all over. Since his family happens to be really well-off, they decided to treat him with the cliche secluded rich boy lifestyle, which he really didn't want. Three years ago, Taiga was informed of his transfer to the outskirts; he’d live in a mansion situated near the lakes and forests where the abundance of nature was supposed to be good for his health and wellbeing. But to Taiga, it was more like it was intended so that he’d be far away from forms of temptation to live life like a normal person. He’s sure the lakes and the trees were supposed to be some kind of therapeutic shit where he’d be inspired to live a life of peace and zen. But sucks for them because Taiga knows himself. And Taiga knows he’s going to bore his brains out and run back to civilization until his heart stops.
So here is, sitting by the window and looking out to the trees leading to the forest. Dying from ennui and a weak heart.
Technically, he isn’t alone. He has around four servants and an occasional doctor in the mansion, but they weren’t really his type of company. Then again, Taiga never did find out his type of company since he was very sheltered and closed off. Then there was the fact that he didn't turn out to be the nicest person with the brightest personality (being sick and alone did wonders to him). He was completely fine with the servants though. They were nice, responsible, and more importantly, they rarely bothered him. And he had to admit, he was intrigued by their stories.
He overheard their conversations regarding the forest and the lake outside of the mansion. They talk about the locals’ accounts like the things they see around there; about the rustling of trees when there was no wind, the unexplainable chill in one’s bones, the eerie whistling of the wind, and the crunching of leaves when they’re sure that no one was there. One even said he saw a rush of darkness akin to a silhouette that rustled the trees. Up to this day, he still couldn't fully determine what it could have been.
Eventually, he learns that ‘the spirit of the forest’ is what they called it. Taiga laughs at how unimaginative they were with its name. To no one's surprise, the usual response would be scrutiny and doubt- people being told along the line of ‘you’re just imagining it’ and ‘maybe you’re tired.' But apparently, a good number of locals didn't question it since they themselves must have experienced the peculiar too.
Taiga believes in ghosts. He never really doubted their existence and he doesn’t find a reason that he should doubt them. There’s a lot of stories and evidence out there proving their existence (the internet is a wild place for that). But he doesn’t believe that all of them are out to seek revenge and wreak havoc in the world of the living. Whatever ghost is out there lurking meters away from the mansion, he hopes it's a pleasant and generous one who isn’t too mad about a very large home taking a big chunk of its land area.
So far, nothing bad has happened to him. And he hopes it stays that way.
*
He is awakened by the lady servant just before noon. She informs him that the doctor has to leave for the city before lunchtime and would like to check for his vitals before he goes. Taiga complies, rubbing his eyes and stretching his bones with an audible pop.
Taking a peek outside the window, he notes how the sky outside is dreary and grey, a scene expected on a typical autumn day especially in the city. Even here, the sky is dull and bleak. Not much difference from where he previously lived, proving his transfer to be useless. He doesn’t go out of the mansion to venture far because it always seemed to drizzle or rain when he was feeling inclined to. It was like a sign, he thought. A sign that he shouldn’t cross the set borders. Taiga shakes his head to clear his thoughts and descends down the stairs.
“Oh good, you’re awake.” The burly doctor’s voice directs his attention to the doorway where he stands, a large suitcase by his side on the floor and a stethoscope around his neck. The man was apparently a bit late on his departure but he didn’t want to disturb Taiga’s rest. Taiga apologizes for keeping him waiting but the man waves it off and puts on the ear tips.
“Nothing out of the ordinary?” The doctor says as he lifts Taiga’s shirt and places the chest piece around his chest and back. Taiga shakes his head and breathes in and out. A thumb is then placed under the skin of his eyes to gently pull down and take note of his inner eyelids’ color. “Good. Just call me when you’re feeling unwell, okay?”
Taiga nods. The doctor takes his suitcase and leaves through the door with a polite goodbye.
Like always, he eats brunch alone on the dining table too large for a single young man. He stares at the large window at the other end of the room, the clouds getting heavier and heavier as it blocks the sun and paints the sky darker.
Taiga doesn’t feel like finishing his food.
*
The following night, Taiga could not sleep. The howling of the wind outside is eerie and loud, the whistling sounding ghost-like. His window was rattling in place and a branch from a nearby tree was knocking the glass, surprising him at random moments. It goes on and on and Taiga groans when he checks his phone for the time. For nearly three hours, he’s been restlessly tossing and turning in his bed, completely unable to shut his eyes and enter the realm of slumber.
Fed up with the noise, Taiga loses to his stupid temptation and rises from the bed. He walks to the window, thinking it was better to just keep it ajar and sleep through the cold because 'fuck this noise I want to sleep - the heater better just fight off the cold-'
He stops. Before he unlocks the window, he catches a glimpse of a silhouette from the corner of his eye. Instantly, he scans the forest outside; the dark of night colors the trees black like shadows, the only light coming from the full moon above. He squints his eyes, finding the source of the shape he thought he saw just seconds ago. When all he sees is black, grey, and pale blue, Taiga rubs his eyes and deems it some kind of trick of the light that swayed his imagination after being up and cranky for so long.
But just when he’s about to turn around, the shape rises from the trees and hovers above the forest.
Taiga gapes. He rubs his eyes again in case he was seeing things. But the form stays even after he affirmed he wasn’t dreaming.
A cloud of grey fog, light and airy and unearthly, floats solitarily under the full moon. There were hints of gold and violet in the curls of smoke. He’s never seen anything like this- he’s sure this isn’t something one witnesses on an ordinary day.
He can’t wrench his eyes away. It should have been disquieting and foreboding. But somehow, looking at it brought him to a state of calm and ease.
He sees it again the next day when he’s sitting by the lounge enjoying his tea. A gust of wind flies by and the only reason he sees it is because of the dark tinge. By then, Taiga can conclude that it was real and that he wasn’t seeing things last night. He recalls what the locals say they saw around the area and thought that maybe what he saw was the shadow in their stories. He doubted that his imagination would be easily influenced by mere rumors and that everything could have just been a result of his boredom.
Taiga was sure he saw something, and he was sure it was real.
The gust disappears into the forest. Standing from his seat, Taiga leaves his cooled-down cup of tea.
He steps out of the mansion and hopes to some god that the heavy skies wouldn’t pour while he was outside. The grass and soil were moist from the rain early in the morning, and the smell of wet plants hit Taiga’s nose. He walks further away from his home and comes near the edge of the forest, eyes looking through the tangle of trees for an end he cannot find. He cannot see where the wind went. As he takes a step forward, a step to enter the forest, a voice from behind jolts him from his exploration.
“Taiga, sir. The rain is about to pour. Please come back inside.”
And sure enough, a droplet lands on his cheekbone. The heavens start to cry from a light drizzle to steady rainfall, hindering Taiga from his search for the shadow.
*
A week passes and each day, it seemed as if whatever was out there, it was trying to make its presence known.
Taiga is sick of sitting all day and staring at the screen of his phone. Reading books had become tiring as well; he wasn’t an avid reader from the start anyway.
For the past few days, he couldn't keep his mind away from the shadow that appeared in front of his eyes. Succumbing to his curiosity and boredom (and taking advantage of his busy helpers, where 2 were out in the seaside town), his legs take him back outside of the mansion and in front of the forest. This time, the sky doesn’t look promising of rain, so he continues his search with nothing to hinder him.
Upon entering the woods, a rush of cool air hits him and his cheeks turn red from the cold. He bites his bottom lip when he continues through the forest, walking in deeper and deeper, silently wishing that he had brought a jacket. The trees are high and their trunks are of different sizes, the leaves crunching underneath the soles of his shoes a myriad of autumn shades. The leaves of the trees block out the sun, so it gets colder and colder each step he takes.
He hears a whistle of wind pass by him, then he hears it turn to a path behind large mossy rocks. He follows the sound and tries not to lose it, walking fast then carefully climbing over the mossy rocks. What he’s doing was no doubt against everything his family and doctors told him not to do, but dammit, for once, Taiga wants to do things his way.
Even if it meant risking himself.
The other side of the moss rock reveals a tranquil lake, a small area of soil the only footing available connecting the rock to the water. As Taiga slides down the rock, he plants his feet on the soil. But little did he know that the ground is wet and unstable. It collapses under his weight, sending Taiga down directly to the waters.
He didn’t even have time to react or shout. Panic seeps into his bones when the surface becomes farther away. His feet cannot find the bottom of the lake. When the sudden need for air registers in his brain, that’s when he realizes how damned he was. He cannot swim - he was never taught how. He was never given the chance back then. Now the impact of his incapabilities hits him with full force.
The struggle to escape is futile as his hands reach out to nothing. He feels his heart rate thumping faster and faster and he has to give up on trying to swim because he has to clutch his heart from the pain. His lungs give up on him as well as he gasps and swallows in water. His eyes start to give up on him too because the light at the surface is getting dimmer and hazier; Taiga thinks about giving up as well.
He stops struggling. He closes his eyes and accepts the pain in his heart. Even until death, the pain and the bitterness are still there. He wonders: If there was a life after death, would he still be ill and bitter? Or would he finally have a purpose in life and be capable of fulfilling the things he only gets to dream?
At his final moments of struggle, he feels a warmth enveloping his body. Like a gentle weight of air shaped into a person. It pulls him in a rush to what Taiga thought might be the afterlife, but the thought is shattered when his body is forced out of the water and brought back to the domain of land and air.
He doesn’t remember much after that. The fatigue and shock from his near-death experience render his body limp and weak when he’s made to lie down on the grass. All he remembers is clinging to another body above him like he was his only pillar from leaving the world of the living. He could feel it -see it even through his hazy eyes- that there was a solid body with him. There was a hand pressing on his heart to prove it. Yet he could not shake away the feeling that he was holding onto something that was beyond the realm of this world.
Then there was that shock of gold and violet that strangely blended with the autumn trees. There were lips moving to say something he could not hear before the wind picked up, enclosing them from the world and making it easier to breathe. In his last seconds before he passes out cold, he hears a voice that chimes and mingles with the blowing wind and the rustling trees.
Stay with me, it says.