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“I know why he’s doing it,” Naruto sniffles, sinking down further into the sheets. “I just wish he would’ve stayed, I..I knew he wouldn’t but I wanted him to.”
Shikamaru sighs, although he’s been expecting this he wasn’t sure what to do. The 4th Great Ninja War was over and Sasuke had been pardoned and immediately left Konoha right after, not even waiting a day or two. The night before his departure he had visited Naruto to do a longer and more proper goodbye but he had still left everyone behind the next morning. Naruto, as expected, was heartbroken.
It didn’t take a genius to see that Naruto was in love with Sasuke and that their relationship, or lack of relationship, was...complicated. The blond was knees deep in love for the emotionally constipated bastard and was left hurting everytime. The two were opposite sides of the same coin and though there was definitely something there it wasn’t enough to start anything.
To his credit Naruto had kept his composure for a bit, he had come to Shikamaru after he went to see Sasuke go and looked fine. He had smiled and said “that’s just Sasuke” and said he was okay and asked if he wanted to go on a walk.
If it was anyone else he would’ve said no, given the choice Shikamaru would always take the easy route.
But Naruto was the exception and that walk had somehow turned itself into Naruto staying over for the remainder of the week and now Shikamaru was left sharing his bed with his heartbroken best friend having only the moon as a light.
It would be a drag if it was anyone else.
“You’re allowed to want things,” he shifts, tugging the sheet down so Naruto didn’t accidentally suffocate himself. “No one knew he’d leave that fast, you're allowed to be upset that he did.”
It's the wrong thing to say because Naruto lets out a mix of a cry and a groan and slams his face down into the pillow. “That’s the thing Shika, I knew! I knew he’d go. I knew he wasn’t going to stay but I still begged him to and he just said he had to go. I already knew that I just…”
Naruto stops and lets out a weird noise that he recognizes is a sob, “I just wanted more time.”
More time. Shikamaru thinks he understands that want, the war brought losses that he was still processing himself. War wasn’t kind with who it took, from his father to Neji and even after it had taken Sasuke in a way.
When Asuma died he had let his emotions bottle up inside him until the glass holding them finally broke and he was forced to face himself in the mess of his own pain. He had his father help pick up the pieces then, and though he’d rather avoid heading into the feelings realm he would do it for Naruto. He’ll help not only pick up any broken pieces but help repair them given the chance.
“I know what you mean,” he looks up at his ceiling hoping for an answer of what to say next. “But that’s how Sasuke is, it’s for the best.”
Naruto stays silent and Shikamaru looks down to see him lift his head up from the pillow. “I know he has to do this but when he said goodbye it..it sucked.” There was a sniffle as he rolled over to lay on his back. “Him leaving almost feels like another wound.”
It takes all of his self control to not look down at Naruto's missing arm, it takes a lot but because Shikamaru is a good person he doesn’t look. Instead he sits up and tries not to think about the irony of the situation because while it didn’t take a genius to see that Naruto was in love with Sasuke it probably took one to see that Shikamaru was in love with Naruto. And here he was, comforting Naruto over Sasuke.
“Do you..” He waves his hand, “Do you just want to talk about it?”
Naruto nods before sitting up too, all in one swift movement that happens before Shikamaru can even blink. “If you wouldn’t mind, I know it’s kinda late.”
He doesn’t answer right away because at that moment the moonlight decides to reflect over Naruto's face in a way that makes him look almost beautiful. Despite the puffy red eyes and the tear streaked face, he looked beautiful as he gave Shikamaru an almost guilty smile.
“Yeah,” he swallows back his own salvia. “Of course.”
Naruto gives him a real smile before looking down at his hand. “Remember how I told you he said this was because he needed to pay redemption for his sins?”
He pulls his attention away from his hand and focuses it back on Naruto's face and nods.
“I understand his reasoning but I wish he let himself be cared for.” Naruto sighs, “I know he cares, he just let vengeance get in the way but I told him I’m always going to look out for him and he said nothing about it.”
Shikamaru frowns seeing the smile on his face turn into one of sadness. Despite the teasing from Ino, Shikamaru actually doesn’t hate Sasuke. But now he was feeling more negative feelings than positive.
“You deserve better.”
“I don’t want better!” Naruto turns his head so fast he swears he hears it pop. “I don’t want better, I want Sasuke. I want something from him, I was willing to die for him, I still am.”
“You always go above and beyond,” he puts a hand on his shoulder. “Always, you always do that but you don’t have to.”
Naruto doesn’t say anything but his bottom lip begins to quiver so he continues. “I know you and Sasuke have this weird thing going on but he’s gone right now and that doesn’t have to be a bad thing,” he takes a deep breath. “You were willing to die for him, well there’s people that’ll live for you.”
He’s met with a blank look.
“Remember when I almost died?”
Naruto nods, almost hesitating.
“Though you did literally give me the strength to keep going you also did it without trying to,” he sighs. “I know you’ve been through a lot and I couldn’t- I can’t let you go through that again, I’m still here because I’m waiting to stand by you when you become Hokage you idiot.”
A heartbeat of a moment passes and Shikamaru thinks he really said the wrong thing but suddenly there was a familiar smile overtaking Naruto's face.
“You really mean that, Shika?”
He nods, tearing his eyes away from his mouth, “Yeah, I do.”
His father used to talk about his mother and her smiles and how he fell in love with her because of that. He thinks he understands more than ever, because Naruto was now giving him a full smile and it was practically blinding.
Naruto pushes his shoulder up closer against Shikamaru's hand and he hesitates only a moment before putting his arm around him instead. “I’m always going to be by your side.”
There’s the familiar sound of a sniffle but Naruto's smiling when he looks back at him.
“You really are the best.”
“Yeah, I know.”
That earns him a laugh, Naruto's body shakes against his and he realizes he really likes this. He’s always liked being around Naruto, ever since they were kids but it’s not just that anymore. He likes the morning walks Naruto forces him on, he likes sharing his bed even though Naruto will try to take the blankets, he likes going to bed and waking up with him still there.
He doesn’t just like it, he wants it. To always be by his side and pick up the shadows slipping through the gaps in Naruto’s light. Naruto is like the sun, he’s loud and bright and Shikamaru wants him.
He clears his throat, “Tomorrow after our walk we can grab some ramen, if you want.”
“Are you asking me out?” Naruto's voice is teasing, he’s kidding. Shikamaru knows he is.
But he still despite that he still says, “Well, yeah.”
“We don’t have to,” he adds quickly. “I know how you feel about Sasuke and he just left-”
“Shika,” Naruto was looking at him, head slightly tilted, eyes still red. “I’d really like that.”
There’s a minute where they both don’t say anything before Naruto moves himself so they’re face to face.
“Can I kiss you?”
“Please.”
He doesn’t know who asked and who said yes but what he does know is that they do kiss and it’s the most gentle awkward kiss of Shikamaru's life and it’s better than what he ever could’ve imagined.
“Thanks for taking care of me,” Naruto mumbles as they break apart. “For now and every other time.”
“You better get used to it,” he puts his hand against Naruto's cheek, thumb wiping stray tears. “I’m not going anywhere.”
He keeps his promise.