Archive of Our Own

1.    THE DECISION

His hands gripped the windowsill until his knuckles turned white. He looked out of the window into the night, observing the little village in Yorkshire. Only a few streetlights were illuminating the darkness. He rested his head against the cold glass and closed his eyes.

He felt a breeze of warm wind ruffling through his hair, making the brown curls fall into his face. It smelled of summer and must've come in through one of the many half-broken windows all around this ruin of a house.

Suddenly, he opened his eyes and looked at his reflection in the dirty glass.

At this state, he just looked like a hollow shadow. His eyes, which at times were deeply beaming with intelligence and happiness, just looked tired now and the usually white eyeball had yet to lose its red colour again. He had bags under his eyes from lack of sleep the past week, and the fresh cuts and the purple bruise on the side of his neck were clearly visible. A mess, to say the least. The full moon had just passed, it's been no more than two nights, so what really was he expecting.

"Think about it, Remus," the man standing a few meters behind him spoke up again.

Remus now examined his visitor's appearance, reflecting just above his right shoulder. To him, he looked like always. It's been eleven years since he last saw the older man, yet he didn't seem to have aged a single day. Or perhaps he was just oblivious to it.

"Albus, you know perfectly well about me and my condition, and in extended are also aware of the fact that I can in no way do as you asked," he reminded him and turned around to face him. "If I was to return to Hogwarts, I would be a threat to staff and students alike."

"Times change. You are not a teenager anymore, Remus, and unlike all those years ago, there now is a potion to lessen the danger of what lays within you," the older man said fiercely. Remus caught his gaze and shook his head.

"I have never taken the Wolfsbane potion, for I cannot brew it nor afford the ingredients. How do I even know it works for me? You have no certainty, Dumbledore." He looked away, around the ruin of the tiny muggle house he was staying in these days. After this, he would have to move again.

"It will, trust me. You will, of course, have a limitless supply, we have a more than qualified potions master at Hogwarts," Albus Dumbledore argued, stroking his silver beard absent-mindedly.

"Is it still Professor Slughorn, like back then?" Remus asked, genuinely curious.

"He retired a decade ago. Professor Snape took over his position as both potions master and head of Slytherin house."

"Snape? Severus Snape?" Remus shook his head in disbelief. "One more reason not to go back. He hates me."

"He does indeed," Dumbledore agreed, not trying to hide it. "Further, he has warned me a horrendous amount of times about how bad of a decision I was making. He is unsure of where your loyalty lays, Remus, now that your friend is on the loose."

He blinked twice, confused. Exactly who is on the loose?

"Excuse me, professor, I think I'm not sure what you mean. I don't have a friend in pri-..." Towards the end of his sentence, he began to stutter, as a face flashed before his eyes. He did have a friend in prison. But he can't have gotten out, can he? "In no way," he whispered.

Dumbledore reached into his blue cloak, revealing a neatly folded Newspaper. "Due to being preoccupied with full moon you might not have read the news."

Remus reached for the copy of the Daily Prophet the older man was holding, but he pulled it back. He looked him firmly in the eyes, delivering a clear message. It's not what it seems. Then he handed him the paper, and Remus unfolded it hastily, flipping it to look at the front page. His breathing was now out of his control as his eyes flew across the headline.

Sirius Black still at large

Sirius Black, possibly the most infamous prisoner ever to be held in Azkaban fortress, is still eluding capture, the Ministry of Magic confirmed today.

His hands could not hold still, so the rest of the article was unreadable to him. He turned to the picture. The man's shadowed eyes were the only thing familiar to Remus. Blacks face was sunken in, that and the waxy white skin made it look like he was dead.

Remus John Lupin stared into the eyes of the man he once loved. There was nothing looking back at him, nothing except hatred.

"He escaped five days ago. We both knew him well once, Remus, yet it is beyond me how he has done it. The rumour says that he is out to kill, out to kill the only person standing between Voldemort and his rise to power. Harry. Harry Potter," Dumbledore explained to the young man, but it was like he heard his voice from miles away. His head was clouded by memories and dark thoughts he had had over the years, about what happened to his dear friends, and how he could've prevented it.

It took all the strength Remus had left in him to look away from the picture. He met Dumbledores eyes, looking at him over his half-moon shaped spectacles.

"If there is anything, even the smallest detail, about Black that might help to find him, now would be the time to tell me," the professor said. He hadn't changed, Remus remembered the feeling of being looked at by him just like this from when he was a student. It felt like he was this wise headmaster who already knew everything you did, but needed you to admit it.

Dumbledore trusted him. Since the day he first met him, when he turned up at his house, he had trusted him. And how many times he had broken said trust without him knowing. He wasn't ready to admit it to him, even though it gave Black a huge advantage.

"There is nothing, headmaster. I am just as surprised as you are, by the sudden escape," he answered quietly. That was not a lie, he doubted he had ever been more surprised. But then again, was he really? No one ever escaped from Azkaban before, but Sirius Black was not an ordinary wizard. And no one knew him better than Remus. At least he thought he did.

"Alright. Now, will you, Remus Lupin, take the position as Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher for the upcoming year at Hogwarts?" Dumbledore asked when a thought crossed Remus' mind. Maybe the headmaster only wanted him there because Sirius escaped and now he decided to keep a close look on him.

"Yes," he heard himself say, even though it did not sound like him.

"Thank you, professor,"  Dumbledore smiled kindly at him. "I need you to take the train on the first of September, at eleven in the morning from platform nine and three-quarters."

"The train is reserved for students, why would you have me take it?" Remus asked, now leaning again the windowsill.

"You will see," Dumbledore said and turned to leave. "Keep in mind that times may change, but some people never really do."

Remus silently watched him open the door that only was connected to one of the hinges, and as soon as he set a foot outside, he disapparated.

Now Remus Lupin looked out of the window again, the Daily Prophet still in his hands, and wondered if he just made a terrible mistake.

2.    THE TRAIN

Remus Lupin walked down the dark alleyway that he had apparated into, on the morning of 1st September. With a light flick of his wand, he enchanted his heavy trunk to be lighter, so it was bearable to walk the two streets with it that separated him from Kings Cross.

The London of the Muggles was busy and animated, people were going to work and tourists were steadily coming out and going into the station. Remus didn't stand out that much, even though he was in his old cloak and carried two giant suitcases; there was a lot of funny looking folks in London these days, but who was he to judge.

A group of people in suits hurried past him as he made his way to the platform. Quickly looking over his shoulder to check if anyone was watching him, he stopped a few meters in front of the wall between platform nine and ten. A Muggle conductor was standing in front of it, giving directions to a woman.

Next to Remus, there was a worried mother with two children, both carrying trunks and one had an owl on top of it. They both wore Hogwarts sweaters, without the robes.

"Excuse me, ma'am, how long has he been standing there?" Remus asked the mother politely, nodding his head towards the muggle blocking the entrance.

"Ten minutes!" she said, sounding like she was about to panic. Remus figured that she was a Muggle too, taking that she hadn't got rid of the man yet. His eyes darted towards the clock. They were fairly early, it was about half-past ten.

"Don't worry, I'll take care of it," he said, smiling. She nodded thankfully and let out a breath of relief.

Remus raised his hand as if to cough and mumbled a few words under his breath. A man only a few feet away from the conductor tripped over his own luggage, bumped into a group of three walking in front of him, and knocked all of them to the ground. Two more people failed to stop their fast walk in time and fell too. The conductor went around the corner to check what was causing the crowd of bystanders to gasp and interrupt the flow.

Quickly, Remus gestured for the woman and the two children to go first. All eyes were on the six people laying on the ground, so now was their time to go through. He followed them straight after.

There weren't many people on platform nine and three-quarters yet. Some older witches and wizards were talking to each other or getting their kids ready for their trip. He saw a few familiar faces here and there. Not few of those wondered what he was doing here, alone.

The young man didn't feel like conversing with them, he was feeling rather miserable and didn't want to be rude to anyone, which he tended to be when he was tired and not feeling well. One of his many flaws.

The entire train was still empty, so Remus just chose a random compartment, heaved his two trunks up on the luggage deposit and fell back into his seat. It felt strange, sitting here again, knowing the destination was the school he last saw fifteen years ago. Thinking of himself as a professor was unusual and uncomfortable to some degree. And what it felt even worse to know he would now walk through the castle alone. His friends had always been by his side, at his lowest moments, at his best, and any moment in between. But now two of them were dead, thanks to the third.

Remus let his head sink against the window, pulling his cloak up like a blanket. A bit of sleep would do him good, he didn't have much of that the last couple of days. Thoughts have been haunting him, making him restless. The ministry had still no lead as to where he might be. There had been two sightings, but the Daily Prophet reported back that it didn't lead to anything. Maybe Remus would feel better once the dementors caught Sirius and brought him back. But how could he, when deep down he wanted to see him again? He had been longing to see him for the last twelve years, even though he killed their two best friends.

And with the familiar face of a younger, happier Sirius Black in front of his inner eye, Remus Lupin fell asleep, oblivious to the three extraordinary students that joined his compartment not long after, talking about the exact same man that was currently on the professor's mind.

3.    THE DEMENTOR

Back in school, Remus Lupin used to fall asleep in the most curious places. Whether it was in the library, on top of homework at the table in the Gryffindor common room, on a moving staircase, at the long table in the Great Hall, in the middle of a corridor or somewhere on the grounds, sometimes he was just knocked out dead, usually the week after the full moon. But every time he would wake up either in his own bed, or the comfortable armchair in front of the fire in the common room, carefully tucked under an astounding amount of blankets. He knew it was always either Sirius Black or James Potter carrying him around the castle because those two never stopped worrying about him.

This time, however, he woke up to the memory of Albus Dumbledore, telling him that Voldemort had successfully killed the Potters, and how it was his downfall. The memory faded and was quickly replaced by the horrible sound of an explosion, and people screaming. Remus had come to prevent whatever Peter Pettigrew was going to do to Sirius, but he was too late. They wouldn't let him through as they arrested the black-haired man, laughing like mad after he murdered twelve innocent bystanders. That was the last time he had seen him, except for his trial in court.

Remus opened his eyes but all he saw was darkness. It was freezing cold. The dizziness of his sleep had slowed his mind down, only now he realised there must be Dementors nearby. He could swear they were searching the train for Sirius Black. It seemed logical that he would be here, there was no one but students usually, so not really anyone capable of protecting them if necessary. Now Remus understood why Dumbledore made him take the train.

Students were talking in his compartment in panicked voices. "I'm going to go and ask the driver what's going on," came a girl's voice in the darkness. Remus heard shuffling, the sound of the door sliding open, then a thud and two loud squeals of pain.

"Who's that?"

"Who's that?"

"Ginny?"

"Hermione?"

"What are you doing?"

"I was looking for Ron --" "Come in and sit down --"

"Not here!" said a scarily familiar voice hurriedly. "I'm here!"

"Ouch!" said another boy. Remus got out his wand.

"Quiet!" his voice silenced the anxious chatter, he heard all of them turn in his direction.

He tapped on his palm with his wand, then there was a soft, crackling noise, and a shivering light filled the compartment. Remus appeared to be holding a handful of flames. They illuminated his tired, grey face, but his eyes looked alert and wary. And they stared right at James. But something was off with his face... the expression was much softer, and the boy's eyes... were those... Lily's eyes? 

Remus blinked twice, recognising the student in front of him as Harry Potter. His heart wrenched in his chest, almost taking his breath away. He averted this eyes so he could focus on the situation at hand.

"Stay where you are," he said in the same hoarse voice as before, and he got slowly to his feet with his handful of fire held out in front of him.

But the door slid slowly open before Remus could reach it. Standing in the doorway, illuminated by the shivering flames in Remus' hand, was a cloaked figure that towered to the ceiling. He identified it immediately as one of the Dementors of Azkaban. Its face was completely hidden beneath its hood. There was a hand protruding from the cloak and it was glistening, greyish, slimy-looking, and scabbed, like something dead that had decayed in water... But it was visible only for a split second. As though the creature beneath the cloak sensed their gazes, the hand was suddenly withdrawn into the folds of its black cloak.

And then Dementor drew a long, slow, rattling breath, as though it were trying to suck something more than air from its surroundings.

An intense cold swept over them all. Remus felt his own breath catch in his chest, as he heard Sirius Black's maniac laughter in his ears after he killed all those Muggles and one of his best friends.  The cold went deeper than his skin. It was inside his chest, it was inside his very heart.

Suddenly, Remus saw Harry's eyes roll back into his skull as he glided from his seat into unconsciousness. The brown-haired boy next to him had cold sweat on his forehead, and the red-headed girl was on the brink of tears.

Remus let his wand fall out of his sleeve into his hand and stepped over Harry's body, toward the dementor.

"None of us is hiding Sirius Black under our cloaks. Go," he said coldly.

But the dementor didn't move, so Remus muttered something under his breath. "Expecto Patronum!"  The Latin phrase fell from his lips and he focused on creating a non-corporeal patronus, even though he doubted it would've even been enough for a fully formed patronus since he wasn't able to concentrate on his memory properly. Weak silvery substance erupted from his wand, and the dementor turned around and left. It glided away, the cold leaving with it.

Remus looked out of the compartment and into the corridor to make sure the dementor really left. He saw three to his left and two to his right, all of them leaving the train unsatisfied.

The lights flickered and went on again. He reversed the spell for the fire in his hands. A jolt went through the entire train and they started to move forwards again, continuing their journey.

The redheaded boy, who for sure was a Weasley, and the girl next to him now kneeled down to look Harry. The girl slapped him.

"Harry! Harry! Are you alright?" she asked.

"Wha- What?" Harry opened his eyes, looking around the compartment. His two friends heaved him up onto his seat again.

"Are you okay?" the Weasley boy asked nervously.

"Yeah," said Harry, looking quickly toward the door. "What happened? Where's that -- that thing? Who screamed?"

As the students talked, Remus started searching the pockets of his cloak for chocolate. They all needed it desperately right now.

"No one screamed," Ron answered, more nervously still. Harry looked around the bright compartment once more. The other two, a Weasley girl and a boy who also looked familiar to Remus, looked back at Harry, both very pale.

"But I heard screaming --"

A loud snap made them all jump. Remus had found an enormous slab of chocolate and was now breaking it into pieces.

"Here," he said to Harry, handing him a particularly large piece. "Eat it. It'll help."

Harry took the chocolate but didn't eat it. "What was that thing?" he asked Remus.

"A dementor," said the professor, who was now giving chocolate to everyone else. "One of the Dementors of Azkaban."

Everyone stared at him. Remus crumpled up the empty chocolate wrapper and put it in his pocket.

"Eat," he repeated. "It'll help. I need to speak to the driver, excuse me..." He strolled past Harry and disappeared into the corridor.

After a quick talk with the driver, Remus sent an owl to the school, informing them about the incident on the train, and returned to the compartment.

He paused as he entered, looked around, and said, with a small smile, "I haven't poisoned that chocolate, you know...."

Harry took a bite and to his great surprise felt a warmth spread suddenly to the tips of his fingers and toes. "We'll be at Hogwarts in ten minutes," Remus said. "Are you all right, Harry?"

"Fine," he muttered, embarrassed.

After that Remus asked for their names and discovered that the two red-haired students were indeed children of Molly and Arthur Weasley. When the other boy told him his name was Longbottom, it hit Remus how much he looked like his mother, Alice, and how he could not have seen that.

They didn't talk much during the remainder of the journey. At long last, the train stopped at Hogsmeade station, and there was a great scramble to get outside; owls hooted, cats meowed, and Neville's pet toad croaked loudly from under his hat. It was freezing on the tiny platform; rain was driving down in icy sheets.

Remus Lupin looked up and saw the castle, towering atop the hill high into the night sky, windows all lit in a welcoming manner. Then he smiled to himself; he was home again at last.

4.    THE WELCOMING FEAST

Remus Lupin waited behind a group of second years. There were students all around pointing at the carriages that seemed to pull themselves. The pure innocence made Remus' heart ache. To him, there were black, skeleton-like horses pulling the carriages. But he knew about the Thestrals for longer, so they weren't strange to him anymore. Only those who had seen death in the past, could see them in the present.

He waited for the second years to get into the carriages and took the next empty one. No student dared to join him. As the Thestral pulled him towards the castle, he leant back and enjoyed the view. His insides were swimming in nostalgia.

"You fainted, Potter? Is Longbottom telling the truth? You actually fainted?" Remus heard a blonde haired boy say as he got off the carriages. He didn't have to look twice to recognise Draco Malfoy.

Lucius' son elbowed past Hermione Granger, to block Harry's way up the stone steps to the castle, his face gleeful and his pale eyes glinting maliciously.

"Shove off, Malfoy," said Ron Weasley, whose jaw was clenched.

"Did you faint as well, Weasley?" said Malfoy loudly. "Did the scary old dementor frighten you too, Weasley?"

"Is there a problem?" Remus said a mild voice. He had appeared behind Harry and was now looking down at the scene. Malfoy gave him an insolent stare, which took in the patches on his robes and the dilapidated suitcase. With a tiny hint of sarcasm in his voice, he said, "Oh, no -- er -- Professor," then he smirked at the two muscle packed boys next to him and led them up the steps into the castle.

Hermione prodded Ron in the back to make him hurry, and the three of them joined the crowd swarming up the steps, unknowingly followed by Remus, through the giant oak front doors, into the cavernous entrance hall, which was lit with flaming torches, and housed a magnificent marble staircase that led to the upper floors. The door into the Great Hall stood open at the right; Remus followed the crowd toward it, but had barely glimpsed the enchanted ceiling, which was black and cloudy tonight, when a familiar voice called, "Potter! Granger! I want to see you both!"

Remus spun around to see Minerva McGonagall making her way towards Harry and his friends. She caught his gaze and smiled at him, before turning to the students again. Professor McGonagall was head of Gryffindor house back when Remus himself was in school. Seeing her again was nice, she might've always been onto them, but she also was their favourite teacher all the way through their seven years.

Remus now walked into the Great Hall. It was a sea of pointed black hats; each of the long House tables was lined with students, their faces glimmering by the light of thousands of candles, which were floating over the tables in midair. It was unbelievable to be back at Hogwarts. He made his way up to the staff table, a sincere smile on his face. Maybe he was a bit too excited to be sitting up there now, looking down at students. Maybe it wasn't so much of a mistake to come back here. Maybe this was where he was supposed to be.

For a moment all trouble was forgotten, as he shuffled past the students and was greeted by Professor Dumbledore at the staff table. He took the middle one of the three yet empty seats next to each other. Hagrid, two seats next to him, began a light conversation.

The happy chatter of students exchanging their holiday stories was put to an end when Dumbledore stood up. He announced the sorting in one sentence, gestured towards the entrance, the doors flew open and Professor Flitwick lead the first years down the hall, carrying a three-legged stool and the Sorting Hat.

The teacher started reading the names after the Hat had completed its song, which was in no way as dark Remus remembered them, even though it had an entire verse talking about the betrayal of friends.

The Sorting was complete, and Remus wondered how so many people were sorted into Hufflepuff this year. It pleased him; the world needed people who valued kindness above all else.

As Professor Flitwick carried away the sorting hat, Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, and Professor McGonagall slipped into the hall, almost unnoticed. The Transfiguration teacher sat between the headmaster and Remus, leaving the seat on Remus left to Professor Flitwick. 

Dumbledore stood up again, making silence fall across the Great Hall. "Welcome!" he said, the candlelight shimmering on his beard. "Welcome to another year at Hogwarts! I have a few things to say to you all, and as one of them is very serious, I think it best to get it out of the way before you become befuddled by our excellent feast...."

Dumbledore cleared his throat and continued, "As you will all be aware after their search of the Hogwarts Express, our school is presently playing host to some of the Dementors of Azkaban, who are here on Ministry of Magic business."

He paused, and it was obvious that the headmaster wasn't too fond of those creatures.

"They are stationed at every entrance to the grounds," Dumbledore continued, "and while they are with us, I must make it plain that nobody is to leave school without permission. Dementors are not to be fooled by tricks or disguises -- or even Invisibility Cloaks," he added blandly, and Remus searched for Harry Potter at the Gryffindor table. He wondered whether the boy had his father's cloak. "It is not in the nature of a dementor to understand pleading or excuses. I, therefore, warn each and every one of you to give them no reason to harm you. I look to the prefects, and our new Head Boy and Girl, to make sure that no student runs afoul of the Dementors," he said.

Dumbledore paused again; he looked very seriously around the hall, and nobody moved or made a sound.

"On a happier note," he continued, I am pleased to welcome two new teachers to our ranks this year."  Remus got ready to be judged harshly by the students, for he knew with his thirty-three years of age, he didn't look much like a teacher.

"First, Professor Lupin, who has kindly consented to fill the post of Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher." Professor McGonagall gestured for Remus to stand up, so he did and smiled kindly at the students.

There was some scattered, rather unenthusiastic applause. Only those who had been in the compartment on the train with him clapped hard. Remus knew he looked particularly shabby next to all the other teachers in their best robes, so he didn't take the poor applause to heart, and just smiled at those he knew.

Suddenly, he felt a rather hateful stare on himself and looked to his left. Severus Snape, the Potions master, was staring at him along the staff table. It was common knowledge that Severus wanted the Defense Against the Dark Arts job, but even if he was jealous of his position, Remus was startled at the expression twisting Severus' thin, sallow face. It was beyond anger: it was loathing. Remus knew that expression only too well; it was the look Severus had worn every time he had set eyes on them in school. Even though the new professor thought that now, as adults, they were wiser than to dwell on disputes from years ago, he couldn't blame him.

"As to our second new appointment," Dumbledore continued as the lukewarm applause for Professor Lupin died away. "Well, I am sorry to tell you that Professor Kettleburn, our Care of Magical Creatures teacher, retired at the end of last year in order to enjoy more time with his remaining limbs. However, I am delighted to say that his place will be filled by none other than Rubeus Hagrid, who has agreed to take on this teaching job in addition to his gamekeeping duties."

Surprised, Remus joined in with the applause, which was tumultuous at the Gryffindor table in particular. He leant forward to see Hagrid, who was ruby-red in the face and staring down at his enormous hands, his wide grin hidden in the tangle of his black beard.

As Professor Dumbledore started speaking again, he saw that Hagrid was wiping his eyes on the tablecloth.

"Well, I think that's everything of importance," said Dumbledore. "Let the feast begin!"

The golden plates and goblets before them filled suddenly with food and drink. Everyone, suddenly ravenous, helped themselves to everything they could reach and began to eat.
It was a delicious feast; the hall echoed with talk, laughter, and the clatter of knives and forks.

Remus spent the time listening to McGonagall and Dumbledore's conversation, being occasionally asked an opinion, otherwise he stayed silent, preoccupied with his thoughts.

At long last, when the last morsels of pumpkin tart had melted from the golden platters, Dumbledore gave the word that it was time for them all to go to bed, and Remus sighed contentedly. That was the best food he had had in years.

5.    THE BOGGART

Remus Lupin mentally scolded himself as he hurried down a long corridor. Being late to his own class, how careless of him!

When he arrived at his first Defense Against the Dark Arts lesson, the students, all third year Gryffindors, had sat down, taken out their books, quills, and parchment, and were talking.

Remus smiled vaguely as he entered the room and placed his tatty old briefcase on the teacher's desk. He was as shabby as ever but looked healthier than he had on the train, as though he had had a few square meals.

"Good afternoon," he said. "Would you please put all your books back in your bags. Today's will be a practical lesson. You will need only your wands."

A few curious looks were exchanged as the class put away their books. They had apparently never had a practical Defense Against the Dark Arts before, Remus noted, but some students muttered something about a memorable class last year when their old teacher had brought a cageful of pixies to class and set them loose.

"Right then," said Remus, when everyone was ready. "If you'd follow me."

Puzzled but interested, the class got to its feet and followed their professor out of the classroom. He led them along the deserted corridor and around a corner, where the first thing they saw was Peeves the Poltergeist, who was floating upside down in midair and stuffing the nearest keyhole with chewing gum.

Peeves didn't look up until Remus was two feet away; then he wiggled his curly-toed feet and broke into song.

"Loony, loopy Lupin," Peeves sang. "Loony, loopy Lupin, loony, loopy Lupin --"

Rude and unmanageable as he almost always was, Peeves usually showed some respect toward the teachers. Remus guessed it was the fact that when he was a student, he and his friends used to host annual competitions whose pranks were the best and they defeated the Poltergeist almost every year, who hated them for it from the bottom of his cold dead heart.

Everyone looked quickly at the Professor to see how he would take this; to their surprise, he was still smiling.

"I'd take that gum out of the keyhole if I were you, Peeves," he said pleasantly. "Mr Filch won't be able to get into his brooms."

Filch was the Hogwarts caretaker, a bad-tempered, failed wizard who waged a constant war against the students and, indeed, Peeves. However, Peeves paid no attention to Professor Lupin's words, except to blow a loud wet raspberry. Remus gave a small sigh and took out his wand. In the last decade, the Poltergeist seemed to have forgotten who he was, and he was only delighted to remind him.

"This is a useful little spell," he told the class over his shoulder. "Please watch closely."

He raised the wand to shoulder height, said, "Waddiwasi! "and pointed it at Peeves.

With the force of a bullet, the wad of chewing gum shot out of the keyhole and straight down Peeves' left nostril; he whirled upright and zoomed away, cursing.

"Cool, sir!" said Dean Thomas in amazement.

"Thank you, Dean," said Remus, putting his wand away again. "Shall we proceed?"

They set off again, the class looking at shabby Professor Lupin with increased respect. He led them down a second corridor and stopped, right outside the staffroom door.

"Inside, please," said Professor Lupin, opening it and standing back.

The staffroom, a long, panelled room full of old, mismatched chairs, was empty except for one teacher. Of course, it had to be Severus Snape, sitting in a low armchair, looking around as the class filed in. His eyes were glittering and there was a nasty sneer playing around his mouth.

As Remus came in and made to close the door behind him, Snape said, "Leave it open, Lupin. I'd rather not witness this."

He got to his feet and strode past the class, his black robes billowing behind him. At the doorway, he turned on his heel and said, "Possibly no one's warned you, Lupin, but this class contains Neville Longbottom. I would advise you not to entrust him with anything difficult. Not unless Miss Granger is hissing instructions in his ear." Neville went scarlet. Remus had to suppress the desire to glare at Severus; it was bad enough that he had to hear students talk about how the potions master bullied Neville in his own classes.

Remus just raised his eyebrows. "I was hoping that Neville would assist me with the first stage of the operation," he said, "and I am sure he will perform it admirably." Neville's face went, if possible, even redder. Severus' lip curled, but he left, shutting the door with a snap.

"Now, then," said Professor Lupin, beckoning the class toward the end of the room, where there was nothing but an old wardrobe where the teachers kept their spare robes. As Remus went to stand next to it, the wardrobe gave a sudden wobble, banging off the wall.

"Nothing to worry about," he said calmly because a few people had jumped backwards in alarm. "There's a boggart in there."

Most people seemed to feel that this was something to worry about. Neville gave Remus a look of pure terror, and Seamus Finnigan eyed the now rattling doorknob apprehensively.

"Boggarts like dark, enclosed spaces," said Professor Lupin. "Wardrobes, the gap beneath beds, the cupboards under sinks -- I've even met one that had lodged itself in a grandfather clock. This one moved in yesterday afternoon, and I asked the headmaster if the staff would leave it to give my third years some practice. So, the first question we must ask ourselves is, what is a boggart?"

Hermione put up her hand. "It's a shape-shifter," she said. "It can take the shape of whatever it
thinks will frighten us most."

"Couldn't have put it better myself," said Remus, and Hermione glowed. "So the boggart sitting in the darkness within has not yet assumed a form. He does not yet know what will frighten the person on the other side of the door. Nobody knows what a boggart looks like when he is alone, but when I let him out, he will immediately become whatever each of us most fears.

"This means," said Professor Lupin, choosing to ignore Neville's small sputter of terror, "that we have a huge advantage over the boggart before we begin. Have you spotted it, Harry?"

"Er -- because there are so many of us, it won't know what shape it should be?" Harry stuttered after overthinking the question for a moment.

"Precisely," said Remus, and Hermione put her hand down, looking a little disappointed. "It's always best to have company when you're dealing with a boggart. He becomes confused. Which should he become, a headless corpse or a flesh-eating slug? I once saw a boggart make that very mistake -- tried to frighten two people at once and turned himself into half a slug. Not remotely frightening. The charm that repels a boggart is simple, yet it requires a force of mind. You see, the thing that really finishes a boggart is laughter. What you need to do is force it to assume a shape that you find amusing. We will practice the charm without wands first. After me, please ... Riddikulus!"

"Riddikulus!" said the class together.

"Good," said Professor Lupin. "Very good. But that was the easy part, I'm afraid. You see, the word alone is not enough. And this is where you come in, Neville." The wardrobe shook again, though not as much as Neville, who walked forward as though he were heading for the gallows.

"Right, Neville, first things first: what would you say is the thing that frightens you most in the world?" Neville's lips moved, but no noise came out. "Didn't catch that, Neville, sorry," said Professor Lupin cheerfully. Neville looked around rather wildly, as though begging someone to help him, then said, in barely more than a whisper, "Professor Snape."

Nearly everyone laughed. Even Neville grinned apologetically. Professor Lupin, however, looked thoughtful. Severus was such a bitter prick. "Professor Snape... hmmm... Neville, I believe you live with your grandmother?"

"Er -- yes," said Neville nervously. "But -- I don't want the boggart to turn into her either."

"No, no, you misunderstand me," said Professor Lupin, now smiling. What he had in mind would probably not lessen Severus' loathing toward him, but as they say, treat them how they treat you. "I wonder, could you tell us what sort of clothes your grandmother usually wears?" Remus asked.

Neville looked startled, but said, "Well... always the same hat. A tall one with a stuffed vulture on top. And a long dress... green, normally... and sometimes a fox fur scarf."

"And a handbag?" prompted Remus.

"A big red one," said Neville.

"Right then," the professor smiled, "Can you picture those clothes very clearly, Neville? Can you see them in your mind's eye?"

"Yes," said Neville uncertainty, plainly wondering what was coming next.

"When the boggart bursts out of this wardrobe, Neville, and sees you, it will assume the form of Professor Snape," said Lupin. "And You will raise your wand -- thus -- and cry 'Riddikulus' -- and concentrate hard on your grandmother's clothes. If all goes well, Professor Boggart Snape
will be forced into that vulture-topped hat, and that green dress, with that big red handbag." There was a great shout of laughter. The wardrobe wobbled more violently.

"If Neville is successful, the boggart is likely to shift his attention to each of us in turn," said Professor Lupin. "I would like all of you to take a moment now to think of the thing that scares you most, and imagine how you might force it to look comical...."

Remus had great faith in his students, yet he feared having to intervene if someone failed to complete the task. The boggart would instantly reveal his condition, since the full moon was clearly what scared him the most; or to be precise, not the full moon scared him, rather what he became during it.

"I don't know what to choose, many things scare me, but it's nothing embodied!" Remus heard a girl whisper in the back.

"No idea, the picture of that Sirius Black in the news today looked pretty horrifying. He certainly should scare you. My father told me what he did, it's madness," the boy next to her whispered back.

Remus forced himself to look away and was proud that he managed to keep a straight face. How could it that after all this time, Sirius' name still hurt. It shouldn't. He was a murderer. What he did was the most horrific betrayal.

"Everyone ready?" said Professor Lupin, trying to push his thoughts away and focus on his lesson. Everyone was nodding and rolling up their sleeves.

"Neville, we're going to back away," Remus said. "Let you have a clear field, all right? I'll call the next person forward.... Everyone back, now, so Neville can get a clear shot --"

They all retreated, backed against the walls, leaving Neville alone beside the wardrobe. He looked pale and frightened, but he had pushed up the sleeves of his robes and was holding his wand ready.

"On the count of three, Neville," said Professor Lupin, who was pointing his own wand at the handle of the wardrobe. "One two -- three -- now!"

A jet of sparks shot from the end of Remus' wand and hit the doorknob. The wardrobe burst open. Hook-nosed and menacing, Professor Snape stepped out, his eyes flashing at Neville.

Neville backed away, his wand up, mouthing wordlessly. Snape was bearing down upon him, reaching inside his robes.

"R -- r -- riddikulus! "squeaked Neville. There was a noise like a whip crack. Snape stumbled; he was wearing a long, lace-trimmed dress and a towering hat topped with a moth-eaten vulture, and he was swinging a huge crimson handbag. There was a roar of laughter; the boggart paused, confused, and Remus, unable to hide his grin, shouted energetically, "Parvati! Forward!"

Parvati walked forward, her face set. Snape rounded on her. There was another crack, and where he had stood was a bloodstained, bandaged mummy; its sightless face was turned to Parvati and it began to walk toward her very slowly, dragging its feet, its stiff arms rising --

"Riddikulus!" cried Parvati. A bandage unravelled at the mummy's feet; it became entangled, fell face forward, and its head rolled off.

"Seamus!" roared Professor Lupin. Seamus darted past Parvati.

Crack! Where the mummy had been was a woman with floor length black hair and a skeletal, green-tinged face -- a banshee. She opened her mouth wide and an unearthly sound filled the room, a long, wailing shriek that made the hair on everyone's heads stand on end -- 'Riddikulus!" shouted Seamus. The banshee made a rasping noise and clutched her throat; her voice was gone. Crack! The banshee turned into a rat, which chased its tail in a circle, then -- crack!- became a rattlesnake, which slithered and writhed before -- crack! -- becoming a single, bloody eyeball.

'It's confused!" shouted Lupin. "We're getting there! Dean!"

Dean hurried forward. Crack! The eyeball became a severed hand, which flipped over and began to creep along the floor like a crab.

"Riddikulus!" yelled Dean. There was a snap, and the hand was trapped in a mousetrap.

"Excellent! Ron, you next!"

Ron leapt forward. Crack! Quite a few people screamed. A giant spider, six feet tall and covered in hair, was advancing on Ron, clicking its pincers menacingly. For a moment, Remus thought Ron had frozen. Then --

"Riddikulus!" bellowed Ron, and the spider's legs vanished; it rolled over and over; Lavender Brown squealed and ran out of its way and it came to a halt at Harry's feet. He raised his wand, ready, but --

"Here!" shouted Professor Lupin suddenly, hurrying forward. Crack! The legless spider had vanished. For a second, everyone looked wildly around to see where it was. Then they saw a silvery white orb hanging in the air in front of Remus, who said, "Riddikulus!" almost lazily. His chill was fake. He hoped no one connected the dots; why would someone be afraid of the full moon? But oh these students were bright. He might've ruined it in his first week.

Crack! "Forward, Neville, and finish him off!" said Lupin as the boggart landed on the floor as a cockroach. Crack! Snape was back. This time Neville charged forward looking determined.

"Riddikulus!" he shouted, and they had a split second's view of Snape in his lacy dress before Neville let out a great "Ha!" of laughter, and the boggart exploded, burst into a thousand tiny wisps of smoke, and was gone.

"Excellent!" shouted Professor Lupin as the class broke into applause. "Excellent, Neville. Well done, everyone... Let me See... five points to Gryffindor for every person to tackle the boggart -- ten for Neville because he did it twice... and five each to Hermione and Harry."

"But I didn't do anything," said Harry, and if Remus wasn't mistaken, his voice sounded slightly bitter.

"You and Hermione answered my questions correctly at the start of the class, Harry," Lupin said lightly. "Very well, everyone, an excellent lesson. Homework, kindly read the chapter on boggarts and summarize it for me... to be handed in on Monday. That will be all."

Remus Lupin leaned back against one of the desks as the class left the room talking excitedly. "Goodbye, Professor!", "See you next lesson, Professor Lupin!".

Now he really did start to feel like a teacher.

6.    THE POTION

A week before September came to a close, the moon was almost a perfect circle and Remus Lupin requested the Wolfsbane potion from Severus Snape for the first time.

Remus could only imagine how tempting it was for Severus to reject and leave him to his misery. But he knew Dumbledore would never allow that, and Remus doubted the Potions Master really wanted a fully grown, uncontrollable werewolf in the school.

In the early evening, the teacher's were sitting in the staff room, some doing work, other's lightly conversing. Remus sat next to Minerva McGonagall, who was grading homework from some fifth years, shaking or nodding her head absent-mindedly as she went along.

The sun had almost vanished behind the mountains surrounding Hogwarts, painting the lake in intense shades of orange and red. Night would fall in less than an hour, Remus thought to himself. As with every full moon, he was beyond nervous; he was in a state of constant anxiety. But this was by far the worst for many years. A few hours ago, he had come to the staff room to get his mind of things- he thought too much alone in his office- but that didn't work out too well because all of his colleagues were shooting him nervous glances when they thought he wasn't looking. They were aware that if something went wrong tonight, everyone in the castle was in danger. One bitten student and the school would be closed faster than anyone could even say 'werewolf'.

Trying not to sigh out loud, Remus looked up and down the table. In front of Professor Sinistra was the newest edition of the Daily Prophet.

"Do you mind?" he asked her, pointing at the paper. The astronomy teacher returned his smile and handed it to him.

Remus scanned the front page. Of course, looking back at him were Sirius Black's mad eyes. His jaw clenched. Was he even surprised at this point? He hated the reminder of Sirius' crime every morning in the paper, he didn't know why he even read it anymore. Or did he? Deep down he felt like this was the exact reason he did read the Prophet every morning; to hear news on Sirius.

'Muggle citizen spots Black in forest' was the headline of today's article. Remus hurried to skim through the text. Apparently, the ministry suspected Black to travel north. Needless to say, he did. Hogwarts was in the north.

A muggle had called the number the ministry had set up for them and reported having seen the man they kept talking about on the television. In an hour two hundred witches and wizards had searched the entire town and the surrounding forest areas, unsuccessfully. But obviously, they didn't know what Remus knew. All eyes were looking for a tall, dark-haired man in prison robes. No one even paid attention to a simple big, black dog.

The sun had vanished completely when Remus stood up and collected the two books he brought.

"If you would excuse me, I should be going. I wish you all a good night," he said, smiling tiredly. The other teachers gave him pitiful looks and Minerva McGonagall patted him kindly on the arm.

Suddenly, the door creaked, attracting all their gazes. Remus had been about to exit and almost ran into Severus Snape.

"Lupin," Severus snarled. "You haven't taken your potion."

"I'm flattered by your concern, but I was about to, actually," Remus said, shuffling past his colleague. "Goodnight."

He hadn't made five steps when he heard the ruffling of cloak and determined steps behind him.

"Why exactly are you following me, may I ask?" Remus said without looking back. Severus caught up with him.

"To make sure you drink it, Lupin," Snape spat out. Remus shook his head in disbelief.

"You might not trust me, but do you really think I'd prefer slaughtering half the castle to drinking that potion?" Both of them stayed silent after that.

On his desk was a silver goblet, filled with a smoking liquid. It smelled incredibly disgusting to Remus, he very much desired to throw it out of the window immediately, because he knew it tasted even worse than it smelled.

"Drink it," Snape demanded, standing in the doorway. Remus hesitated. "Lupin. Now."

And for the seventh and last time that month, Remus brought the goblet to his lips and downed the crystal clear potion in one go.

"Disgusting," he muttered as he handed it back to the potions professor, who turned to leave. "Severus, wait."

Snape watched him sharply. Remus looked down at his desk, wondering whether he would grant Severus this satisfaction.

"Would you... Would you mind putting a spell on the door so no one can get in... or out?" Remus asked, receiving one cold, dead nod. Severus exited the room and the door clicked and rattled twice as he enchanted it, then there was silence.

Remus pushed his chair to the side and sat cross-legged on the floor. What else was there to do, really? He could only wait for the transformation to begin. Usually, about five days before full moon, his symptoms would start to kick in, and one or two days before they sometimes even got out of hand. This time there had been no such thing, but maybe it was the Wolfsbane potion suppressing them.

This was going to be a long, painful night for Remus Lupin and he already knew then that he wouldn't be teaching any classes the next morning.

7.    THE CONVERSATION

In no time at all, Defense Against the Dark Arts had become most people's favourite class. When Professor Lupin had fallen ill for a few days last month, everyone seemed to realise that the subject was no fun without him.

The shock of how good of a teacher the shabby man has faded away and was replaced by the utmost respect. Remus felt lucky to be so easily accepted in the school's everyday life when really all he did was making it up as he went along.

Only Severus Snape, or Draco Malfoy and his gang of Slytherins had anything bad to say about Remus, but he ignored it in most cases.

"Look at the state of his robes," Malfoy would say in a loud whisper as Remus passed. "He dresses like our old house elf "

But no one else cared that Professor Lupin's robes were patched and frayed. His next few lessons were just as interesting as the first. After boggarts, they studied Red Caps, nasty little goblin like creatures that lurked wherever there had been bloodshed: in the dungeons of castles and the potholes of deserted battlefields, waiting to bludgeon those who had gotten lost. From Red Caps they moved on to kappas, creepy water-dwellers that looked like scaly monkeys, with webbed hands itching to strangle unwitting waders in their ponds.

Of course, as a teacher, Remus wasn't supposed to prefer anyone, yet his favourite class to teach was by far the Gryffindor third years. They got more and more comfortable around him and soon they started to talk carelessly around him, so he now got a view of things from a student's perspective.

Most wished they were as happy with some other classes. Worst of all was Potions. Severus was in a particularly vindictive mood these days, not only towards Remus, and no one was in any doubt why. The story of the Boggart assuming Snape's shape, and the way that Neville had dressed it in his grandmother's clothes, had travelled through the school like wildfire. Severus didn't seem to find it funny. His eyes flashed menacingly at the very mention of Professor Lupin's name, and he was bullying Neville worse than ever, which was mostly Remus' fault since it was his idea to put Mrs Longbottom's clothes on the potion teacher.

As October came to an end and the Halloween feast was the only thing separating them from winter, the students got their first Hogsmeade weekend. Some teacher decided to go too, and Minerva McGonagall invited Remus to come along to the three broomsticks with Flitwick, Sprout, and her, which Remus politely declined since he wasn't feeling so well. He promised to accompany them next time.

The older students started to leave for the village and the giant castle grew silent. It was afternoon when Remus was sitting in his office; he had just gotten a new creature for the upcoming lessons for his third and fourth years when he heard light footsteps down the hallway. He looked through the half-closed door, and like every time he looked at this boy, he saw James Potter for a second.

"Harry?" Harry doubled back to see who had spoken and met Remus' gaze, looking around his office door.

"What are you doing?" he asked kindly. One didn't see him often slumping along a corridor alone. "Where are Ron and Hermione?"

"Hogsmeade," said Harry, in a would-be casual voice.

"Ah," answered Remus. He considered Harry for a moment. The boy didn't look too happy. "Why don't you come in? I've just taken delivery of a grindylow for our next lesson."

"A what?" said Harry, already looking better now something caught his interest. He followed Professor Lupin into his office. In the corner stood a very large tank of water. A sickly green creature with sharp little horns had its face pressed against the glass, pulling faces and flexing its long, spindly fingers.

"Water demon," said Remus, surveying the grindylow thoughtfully. "We shouldn't have much difficulty with him, not after the kappas. The trick is to break his grip. You notice the abnormally long fingers? Strong, but very brittle." The grindylow bared its green teeth and then buried itself in a tangle of weeds in a corner.

"Cup of tea?" Remus asked, looking around for his kettle. "I was just thinking of making one."

"All right," said Harry awkwardly. Remus tapped the kettle with his wand and a blast of steam issued suddenly from the spout.

"Sit down," he said, taking the lid off a dusty tin. "I've only got teabags, I'm afraid -- but I dare say you've had enough of tea leaves?" He smiled. Harry looked at him. Remus' eyes were twinkling.

"How did you know about that?" Harry asked.

"Professor McGonagall told me," said Lupin, passing Harry a chipped mug of tea. "You're not worried, are you?"

"No," said Harry. For a moment, he looked like he was going to tell him something, but then quickly closed his mouth again, taking a sip of tea. Worry was written all over his face.

"Anything worrying you, Harry?" Remus asked, genuinely concerned.

"No," Harry lied blatantly. Remus wasn't sure whether he was good at reading people or the student bad at lying. Both of them drank a bit of tea and watched the grindylow brandishing a fist at them. "Yes," Harry said suddenly, putting his tea down on Lupin's desk. "You know that day we fought the boggart?"

"Yes," said Remus slowly. He had a feeling what he was going to say.

"Why didn't you let me fight it?" asked Harry abruptly. The Professor raised his eyebrows.

"I would have thought that was obvious, Harry," he said, sounding surprised.

Harry, who had expected Lupin to deny that he'd done any such thing, was taken aback. "Why?" he said again.

"Well," said Lupin, frowning slightly, "I assumed that if the boggart faced you, it would take the shape of Lord Voldemort."

Harry stared. This apparently wasn't the answer he expected, and he seemed taken aback by Remus' using You-Know-Who's real name.

"Clearly, I was wrong," he continued, still frowning at Harry. "But I didn't think it a good idea for Lord Voldemort to materialise in the staffroom. I imagined that people would panic."

"I didn't think of Voldemort," said Harry honestly. "I -- I remembered those dementors."

"I see," said Lupin thoughtfully. "Well, well... I'm impressed." He smiled slightly at the look of surprise on Harry's face. "That suggests that what you fear most of all is -- fear. Very wise, Harry."

Harry didn't know what to say to that, so he drank some more tea.

"So you've been thinking that I didn't believe you capable of fighting the Boggart?" said Lupin shrewdly. From what he had heard from McGonagall, the young Gryffindor had been facing so much more dangerous things than a simple boggart in the past, that it seemed almost laughable.

"Well... yeah," Harry answered. He was suddenly looking a lot happier. "Professor Lupin, you know the dementors --"

He was interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Come in," called Lupin. The door opened, and in came Snape. He was carrying a goblet, which was smoking faintly, and stopped at the sight of Harry, his black eyes narrowing.

"Ah, Severus," Lupin greeted, smiling. Severus Snape might not have been his best friend, but he was incredibly grateful that he did this potion for him, monthly even. Otherwise, he would have to hide out in the old Shrieking Shack again.  "Thanks very much. Could you leave it here on the desk for me?" Snape set down the smoking goblet, his eyes wandering between Harry and Lupin.

"I was just showing Harry my grindylow," said Remus pleasantly, pointing at the tank.

"Fascinating," said Professor Snape, without looking at it. "You should drink that directly, Lupin."

"Yes, Yes, I will," Lupin sighed.

"I made an entire cauldronful," Snape continued. "If you need more."

"I should probably take some again tomorrow. Thanks very much, Severus."

"Not at all," said Snape, but there was a look in his eye that made Harry furrow his brows. Severus backed out of the room, unsmiling and watchful.

Harry looked curiously at the goblet. Remus smiled, knowing the student would ask too many questions.

"Professor Snape has very kindly concocted a potion for me," he said. "I have never been much of a potion-brewer and this one is particularly complex." He picked up the goblet and sniffed it. "Pity sugar makes it useless," he added, taking a sip and shuddering. The taste was horrible, bitter and unusually salty.

"Why --?" Harry began. Professor Lupin looked at him and answered the unfinished question without raising a lot of suspicions.

"I've been feeling a bit off-colour," he said. "This potion is the only thing that helps. I am very lucky to be working alongside Professor Snape; there aren't many wizards who are up to making it." Remus took another sip and Harry looked like he had a crazy urge to knock the goblet out of Remus' hands. He hoped he wouldn't try it.

"Professor Snape's very interested in the Dark Arts", he blurted out.

"Really?" said Remus, looking only mildly interested as he took another gulp of potion. This wasn't news to him, he had gone to school with this man, he knew his interests as well as dislikes.

"Some people reckon --" Harry hesitated, then plunged recklessly on, "some people reckon he'd do anything to get the Defense Against the Dark Arts job." Harry's concern was flattering, but Remus was convinced even though Severus would love to poison him on a daily basis, he was intelligent enough not to do it when they were in the same castle as Albus Dumbledore.

Professor Lupin drained the goblet and pulled a face. "Disgusting," he said. "Well, Harry, I'd better get back to work. I'll see you at the feast later."

"Right," said Harry, putting down his empty teacup.

The empty goblet was still smoking.

8.    THE BREAK IN

On Halloween, not long after Harry Potter had left Remus Lupin's office, the Professor started feeling a bit odd. Not necessarily bad, it was more of a confusion. Confused by how relatively content he felt, careless even. Like the feeling of being slightly light-headed from laughing, even though he hadn't done as much as chuckle. This wasn't the wolfbane potion, so what was it?

Remus shook his head at himself. Perhaps he was going mad, who knew. Or maybe he should skip the feast; full moon was close, his restlessness kept him from concentrating on work. But something told him he shouldn't miss the feast. He felt as if it was going to be important. By Merlin, what was it with him and feelings at the moment.

The Professor decided to head down to the feast early, hoping to find a distraction.

Some students and teachers were already there, even though there still were twenty minutes time.

He took his seat at the teachers' table and started lightly chatting with Professor Hooch while admiring the Great Hall. It had been decorated with hundreds and hundreds of candle-filled pumpkins, a cloud of fluttering live bats, and many flaming orange streamers, which were swimming lazily across the stormy ceiling like brilliant watersnakes.

The food was delicious; even the students, who most likely were full to bursting with Honeydukes sweets, managed second helpings of everything. However, Remus' stomach was not fond of being filled, which it told him by aching and occasionally sending waves of stinging pain all the way up his spine.

"Remus, you look very pale. Is everything alright?", Minerva asked, looking at him from the side.

"Yes, of course. Sorry, I was thinking," Remus replied, not really expecting her to believe his lie. She just nodded, gave him a pat on the back and turned back to Dumbledore.

After that, Remus tried to look cheerful and as well as he ever did, so he didn't raise any suspicion; he was now talking animatedly to tiny little Professor Flitwick, the Charms teacher.

When Remus eyes' scanned the students every now and then, he always saw Harry looking up at him. Then Harry would move his eyes along the table every time, to the place where Snape sat. Remus would do the same. Were both Harry and the teacher imagining it, or were Snape's eyes flickering toward Lupin more often than was natural?

The feast finished with an entertainment provided by the Hogwarts ghosts. They popped out of the walls and tables to do a bit of formation gliding; Nearly Headless Nick, the Gryffindor ghost, had a great success with a reenactment of his own botched beheading.

It had been such a pleasant evening that Remus good mood couldn't even be spoiled by his constant distress around the full moon.

The students were dismissed with some final words from the Headmaster, and the hall started to empty.

A few teachers started to head upstairs to the staff room in small groups, and Professor McGonagall, Dumbledore, Snape and Remus were the last to leave the hall and the headmaster was just telling them about this comfortable pumpkin sweater he had knitted for today but forgot to wear when he stopped himself mid-sentence.

"Somebody get Professor Dumbledore. Quick!", yelled the sharp voice of the Head Boy, Percy Weasley, suddenly through the entire stairwell.

The four teachers started running up the stairs. Dumbledore, very agile and nimble for his age, was soon an entire staircase ahead of them. Remus was sure he could've kept up if it wasn't for the stultifying tiredness in his body.

A moment later, Professor Dumbledore had reached the entrance to the Gryffindor common room, sweeping toward the portrait; the Gryffindors squeezed together to let him through, and Remus saw Harry, Ron, and Hermione at the back, moving closer to see what the trouble was.

Minerva, Severus and Remus stopped behind all of the children, they could see above most students heads easily without making their way to the front.

The Fat Lady had vanished from her portrait, which had been slashed so viciously that strips of canvas littered the floor; great chunks of it had been torn away completely.

Dumbledore took one quick look at the ruined painting and turned, his eyes sombre, to see Professors McGonagall, Lupin, and Snape hurrying toward him, now being let through by the students.

"We need to find her," said Dumbledore. "Professor McGonagall, please go to Mr Filch at once and tell him to search every painting in the castle for the Fat Lady."

"You'll be lucky!" said a cackling voice. It was Peeves the Poltergeist, bobbing over the crowd and looking delighted, as he always did, at the sight of wreckage or worry.

"What do you mean, Peeves?" said Dumbledore calmly, and Peeves' grin faded a little. He didn't dare taunt Dumbledore. Instead, he adopted an oily voice that was no better than his cackle.

"Ashamed, Your Headship, sir. Doesn't want to be seen. She's a horrible mess. Saw her running through the landscape up on the fourth floor, sir, dodging between the trees. Crying something dreadful," he said happily. "Poor thing," he added unconvincingly.

"Did she say who did it?" said Dumbledore quietly.

"Oh yes, Professorhead," said Peeves, with the air of one cradling a large bombshell in his arms. "He got very angry when she wouldn't let him in, you see." Peeves flipped over and grinned at Dumbledore from between his own legs. "Nasty temper he's got, that Sirius Black."

Remus' face fell and he stumbled two steps backwards and accidentally would have knocked over Dean Thomas if Seamus Finnigan hadn't caught him in time.

"Excuse me, Dean," Remus forced a quick smile, but the student didn't even pay that much attention because everyone was shouting and talking to their friends in shock. Severus was staring at Remus in hate and disbelief, while Dumbledore studied Remus calmly over his half-moon shaped spectacles, and looked at the ruined canvas and back at the students.

"All of you, in the Great Hall!", he shouted over the anxious voices. "Stay together and follow your Head Boy!" 

The students walked downstairs fastly, Percy Weasley up front, guiding quickly to the down the stairs. From up top, where Remus was standing, they looked like black water, flowing down the stairs, separating only when necessary.

Dumbledore watched his surroundings carefully and pondered. It was just for a second before he raised his voice slightly above ordinary volume. "Sir Nicholas." 

The white shining Gryffindor ghost appeared seemingly out of nowhere. "You called, Headmaster, sir?"

"Indeed. I need you to find the Fat Lady. Report anything she said to me forthwith, please. Tell all of the ghosts to search the entire castle for Sirius Black, the teachers will join you as soon as possible. If he is still lingering, we need to find him," Dumbledore ordered. Nearly Headless Nick bowed and left through the ceiling at once.

"Severus, to the teachers' room if you don't mind. Tell Hagrid, Argus, Rolanda and whoever volunteers to search the grounds. Head of House teachers are to collect their students and guide them to the Great Hall immediately. The others will join you in the dungeons, work yourself up to the top of every tower, we can't afford to miss a single room. Sirius Black knows this castle better than most of us do, and I bet he hasn't forgotten a single secret tunnel." Severus narrowed his eyes at Remus but did as he was told, hurrying off.

"If you would please follow me to the Great Hall, thank you." The headmaster led the way and Minerva and Remus followed him without question.

"Remus, for everyone's safety, is there anything you want to tell me?"  he asked, pulling the teacher out of his shock. He felt completely empty. Had he really been in the same building as Sirius a few hours ago? Was he still here? Maybe that was what he had felt earlier. That weird, inexplicable contentment. Had he felt Sirius nearby presence? If so, it should worry him, not make him feel at peace, shouldn't it?

"Nothing, sir," Remus said, barely audible. He cleared his throat. There were so many things that could get Sirius caught in no time. Hiding spots, preferences, his disguise, all of that was sure to get him in trouble. But Remus couldn't. He mentally and physically wasn't able to do that to him. 'What if he kills a dozen people again? It's my fault then. No doubt about that.'

"Are you sure? I am positive you know that every piece of information is of utter importance," Dumbledore pried further, yet still in a calm voice. Remus nodded, feeling Minerva's eyes on the back of his head as they walked down the last flight of stairs and hurried towards the giant doors. The stare was less hateful than Severus's had been, but she was asking herself the same thing as the Potions teacher, Remus knew that much for certain.

By the end of the night, every teacher was going to ask themselves exactly that.

Did Remus help his old friend into the castle?

9.    THE SECRET TUNNEL

Did Remus Lupin help his old friend break into the castle, while everyone was at the feast? Indirectly, yes, probably. Did he mean to? No, of course not.

When Dumbledore opened the doors to the Great Hall, there were all four houses, looking back at him, confused and anxious. Prefects and the Head Boy and Girl were standing at the front.

"The teachers and I need to conduct a thorough search of the castle," Professor Dumble told them, as Minerva, Filius and Remus started to close all the doors into the Hall. "I'm afraid for your own safety, you will have to spend the night here. I want the Prefects to stand guard over the entrances to the Hall and I am leaving the Head Boy and Girl in charge. Any disturbance should be reported to me immediately. Send word with one of the ghosts."

Remus saw Percy Weasley looking proud and important. Then the headmaster flicked his wand casually and the long tables flew to the edges of the Hall and stood themselves against the walls; another wave and the floor was covered with hundreds of squashy purple sleeping bags.

"Sleep well," said Professor Dumbledore, closing the door behind him.

The hall immediately began to buzz excitedly; the Gryffindors were telling the rest of the school what had just happened.

"Everyone into their sleeping bags!" shouted Percy. "Come on, now, no more talking! Lights out in ten minutes!"

Remus still hadn't moved. Nobody was paying attention to him. For what felt like the longest time, he just stood there, looking at the students. A few feet away from him, a Ravenclaw girl was holding her shaking friend in her arms, trying to comfort her as best as she could. "He can't slip through all of the teachers' fingers. Shhh, don't worry, love, you're safe here," she whispered to her.

How could Remus cover up for someone who leaves that amount of terror, everywhere he went? This was so not the Sirius he knew. His Sirius would act all tough, but he could never make a child cry. Remus had to find him, he knew so much more about this man than everyone else, if someone was able to catch him, it would be Remus. Then it hit him like a gunshot. Of course! There was only one place in the school that neither students nor teachers knew. The one secret tunnel not marked on the Marauders Map!

Remus was out of the door in no time, carefully trying not to step on any sleeping bags. In the left corner at the very back, he saw Harry, Ron and Hermione talking in ushered voices to each other. If Harry only knew that the man who just broke into his home did it because he wanted to kill him, and, on top of that, was his godfather. Remus would have to keep a closer look at Harry if they didn't catch Sirius tonight.

After he left the hall and smiled at the Hufflepuff prefects guarding it, he hurried up the stairs to the Charms classroom. His steps echoed down the corridor when he passed a certain carpet. It was hung up on the stone walls, its purple and dark red fibres were covered in dust like it hadn't been used for years. Remus knew exactly what could be revealed when the carpet was moved. Since he was back at Hogwarts, he must have walked by it a hundred times, but always forced himself to not think about or react to it. But right now he was desperate.

The teacher checked left and right if anyone was in the corridor with him, which wasn't the case so he stretched out his hand and tickled the dusty carpet.

It erupted in tiny giggles and rolled itself up with a shudder, exposing a secret tunnel. There it was, the one single tunnel not marked on the marauder's map. The four of them wanted it to be theirs. No one should ever know about it.

Remus set a foot in the dark, cramped hallway and the carpet rolled down again, leaving him in complete darkness. When he took another step, the torches on the walls started burning, illuminating the walls.

The teacher started walking slowly, taking everything in. Sirius just had to be here! This was their hiding spot! "Sirius?" he called out. Probably not the best idea he had ever had. After all, this was not the man he knew anymore, but a sentenced murderer. Remus drew his wand out of his sleeve. "Sirius? Padfoot? It's me, Pads. It's Remus!" At this point, he was frantically jogging along the secret tunnel, waiting for a big, black dog to block his way.

About halfway through the corridor, he stopped and admitted he was wrong. Sirius wasn't here. Remus was losing his mind. Why would he have stayed in the castle anyway, he knew he would've gotten caught. Dejectedly, he walked a few more steps until he reached the very middle of the tunnel and crouched down.

There, a few centimetres above the floor were four names carved into the cold stone wall. Remus stretched out his hand and brushed over the carvings with his fingertips.

Prongs. James had placed his name on top, leaving space for his friends to join in. It had been his idea from the start. He wanted to be remembered by the castle forever. And it worked.

Moony. Remus smiled at his own name. He remembered clearly how bloody his hand was after finishing that. They didn't want to use magic, fearing the spell would wear off one day, so they used the long knife Sirius used to own that was sharp enough to cut almost anything and could also pick locks, which had come in handy many times. Remus wasn't the best at using it, it had cut his hand a lot.

Wormtail. When Remus connected his fingertips to that carving, he had a lump in his throat. Poor Pete. Why did he try to confront Sirius alone? He had always been the weakest link of the group, but also the glue that held them together. He died for James, Lily and Harry.

Padfoot. Remus shuddered. Sirius Black. The man he loved. Also, the man that killed his best friends. Also, the man that brutally murdered thirteen strangers. Also, the man that was now on the run after escaping the safest prison on earth. Also the man he should loathe with a passion, but never quite could.

Remus sat on the floor and leant against the wall with his back, staring at the names. There were so many memories inside these walls. Whenever they needed a place to hide that wasn't in the forbidden forest, they would always come here. So many hours of him and Sirius sitting exactly here. If he didn't hide here, he wasn't anywhere in or near the castle.

In trying to clear his thoughts, Remus shook his head. How could he even think about it? James was dead, so was Peter and if Sirius really was out to kill Harry, he would get probably get killed by the Dementors immediately if they got him. Remus could never forgive himself.

He stood up and brushed the dust off his robes. It wouldn't come that far. Even if Sirius managed to get onto the school's grounds, which was almost impossible, there was still Dumbledore. And there was Remus himself. He wouldn't let anything happen to Harry. He owed that much to James and Lily.

Remus quickly exited the secret tunnel, that conveniently ended on the first floor, so he only had to walk a few steps down to the Great Hall. At that point, he could feel the fatigue through his entire body. It must be hours past midnight.

He raised his hand to open the big doors to the Hall when he heard steps behind him.

"Professor Dumbledore, has the search been successful?" asked Remus as soon as he identified the headmaster behind him. Next to him, Severus was looking rather unpleased.

"Unfortunately it has not", said Dumbledore calmly. "If you would excuse me, I will have to talk to Mr Weasley. I will meet you in your office later, Remus." The teacher nodded, and Snape followed the headmaster into the Great Hall.

Exhausted, the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher stumbled rather than walked up the stairs to his office. He sat behind his desk, his head in his hands. His eyes soon grew too tired to stay open, yet his mind couldn't slow down. A question he asked himself often was if Sirius ever thought about him anymore. Not a single day went by since the Black had been imprisoned that Remus didn't think about it, about him. When Sirius promised him forever, did he already hate him and their friends so much that he plotted on betraying them and ratting them out to Voldemort? If so, why?

Over those thoughts, Remus fell into a dark, deep slumber, accompanied by a dream neither horrifying nor pleasant.

10.THE NIGHTMARE

March, 1974.

Third Year Gryffindor Boy's Dorm

In Gryffindor boy's dorm, with the old four-poster beds and the wine red curtains, the clock on the wall read half past three a.m. and all four of students were awake. This particular situation didn't take place over the weekend.

Remus Lupin was leaning against some pillows. It was only a few days before full moon, so his condition didn't allow him to rest at night. His eyes were red and darkened, his veins seemed to protrude from his skin.

Sirius Black was comfortably curled up in the bed next to him. On his other side was Peter Pettigrew half asleep, and James Potter was on Sirius right, hanging half off his bed. They always insisted on staying up with him, but Remus knew their capacity to perform well in class was suffering greatly because of it.

"Just think about it, Pads. If someone ever was to attack me, I would die because my wand would have miraculously vanished from my pocket again," Remus argued halfheartedly. Sirius would always tie his hair up but always refused to take his own wand, so he snatched away Remus' every time.

"Who would even attack you, Moony?" Sirius yawned and buried his head in the blanket.

"No idea, you never know," Remus answered and they fell silent. The clock ticked quietly, and the four boys eyes started to fall shut. Peter let out a little snore.

At quarter to four, Remus thought the other three had fallen asleep, when suddenly Sirius shifted, and opened his eyes, animating James to do the same.

"Can Thestrals see each other?" Sirius asked, sounding wide awake.

"...I...wow, I really don't know, mate...," James said, blinking confusedly.

"I don't think they can," Sirius whispered to not wake Peter up. James wanted to interrupt him. "No! Listen! So the parents lose their first baby and get the ability to see the next ones. And the babies think that food just appears and whatnot..."

"But... wait, that doesn't work. How would you have sex with something you can't see?" pondered James.

"For the love of Godric would you two go the fuck to sleep?" Remus snapped quietly.

"Sorry, Moony," they said simultaneously. Finally, there was silence. But a stiff, tense one, because Remus seemed to be thinking hard. A few moments passed.

"Holy shit, can they see each other?" he asked blatantly.

"I know right?!" Sirius whisper-yelled. The three of them had to stifle their laughter with their pillows. James pressed the entire sheets against his face to try and shut up.

"Shhh, Pete's asleep!" Remus giggled, unable to stop. But it's the universal rule that everything is funny at ten minutes to four am, so when they thought they had recollected themselves, Sirius pushed himself up on his elbows to look at the other two. The moment they made eye contact, the three lost it. James and Sirius were clutching their cramping stomachs and Remus felt like he was going to pass out from his hurting lungs. His head was all dizzy in the best way possible.

Suddenly, he felt a stinging pain in his spine, sat up rapidly, making all of his backbones crack horrifyingly. But when he opened his eyes, he wasn't in his dorm room anymore.

Remus Lupin found himself sitting in his desk chair in his office at Hogwarts, about twenty years later. His head still hurt, but the dizziness was unpleasant now. Blindly grabbing for the water bottle next to his desk, he attempted to rub his eyes with one hand. Black and purple dots were dancing in front of his eyes. Bright sunlight was streaming through the giant windows, past the dark curtains.

Remus poured himself a glass of water and leant back in his chair. He took a sip. 'I must've fallen asleep while waiting for Dumbledore to come and talk to me,' he thought. Last night, the night of Halloween, Sirius Black had broken into the castle. Being so close to his former best friend must have opened up memories he had bottled up. Otherwise, he couldn't explain the dream- or nightmare?- he had had. It was usually under his control whether he dreamed this vividly.

But why or however the dream occurred, it broke him anyway. Seeing his friends again, young, healthy, happy; that was the most beautiful thing he could have ever asked for. Yet, watching Sirius laugh with them until they cried, was the strangest thing to watch. It was such a natural, powerful thing. Remus was so sure it wasn't all acted; he had to believe that. But if Sirius didn't despise them back then, when did he start? What happened to make the switch inside his head click from the utmost affection to the desire to kill? The teacher couldn't come up with anything.

Remus groaned, trying to get the pain in his chest to go away. Indecisively, he slowly opened one of the many drawers in his desk. There was a photo album inside, coated with red and black leather. It was filled with polaroids. Lily Evans had always had an obsession with photography.

The first picture showed Lily, Alice Prewett- later Longbottom-, and Remus himself at the lake on the school grounds, all studying, possibly for the end of term exams. The grass was green and the sky cloudless. It was a magnificent shot. Underneath it, Lily had written Summer '71.

Remus skimmed over the next two pages, they were full of pictures of the Evans family on vacation. The young redhead smiled into the camera happily.

The next few pages were mostly the girls in their years at Hogwarts and it hurt Remus so much to look into their careless faces. So many of them were dead now, killed by Death Eaters. Halfway through the book, where their fourth-year stay started, he found a picture that took his breath away. He had to look away and take a few shaky breaths before he could take a closer look. His younger self was in the infirmary bed, in his pyjamas. Next to him was James Potter, tie nonchalantly laid around his neck, leaning against the white pillows and elbowing him in the side jokingly. On the edge of the bed right next to him sat Sirius Black, ruffling through Remus light brown hair. Peter Pettigrew leant towards them happily. It seemed he was the only one without a butterbeer. On the white border underneath the photograph, it read 'My Boys'.

Remus very carefully removed the picture from the album and put it on his desk. After staring at it for a moment, he continued.

There were more and more photographs of the marauders the older they got. Soon James and Lily could be seen on dates at the lake, or snoring together in the Gryffindor common room. Remus even found a photograph he and Sirius took in their sixth year, when they found the two making out in a corridor. But oh little did he know that Lily got her revenge, and when Remus found that revenge picture, he legitimately teared up.

There were him and Sirius in front of a giant window, sunlight hitting their figures them from behind. Sirius had his raven black hair tied back, with a few strands falling in his face, and one could see his tattoos underneath the white shirt and the leather jacket. He was kissing the younger Remus with so much love, that it made his heart melt. Sirius was touching him so gently, for a moment Remus could feel the touch as if it just happened.

This face, this beautiful, familiar face... was it really the face of a murderer? The last face Peter ever saw before he was brutally ripped into pieces? Remus never doubted Sirius' magical abilities, but after twelve years he wasn't yet convinced that his best friend, the love of his life, had had the willpower to kill a friend? A best friend. Further, Remus tried to imagine countless times how his Sirius stood in front of Voldemort, telling him the location of the Potters. Why would he do that? Remus clearly remembered him the days before James and Lily died. He was worried about their safety, even insisted not to take him as their secret keeper quite a few times, afraid of failing the task. They took him either way in the end, so nobody else could have told Voldemort.

Out of his mind, Remus held up the photograph after semi-carefully getting it out, and pointed his wand at it. Just when he was ready to let it go, to cast a spell, tear it apart, set it on fire, burn it to ash, there was a knock on his office door.

"Reduc-," Remus stopped himself mid-sentence, let his wand slide back into his sleeve, softly placed the album back into the desk drawer, and looked at the photograph again. He decided to put it in the inside pocket of his cloak, before straightening his back and ruffling through his much shorter hair.

"Come in," he called, hiding his voice crack with a cough. He was grateful his surprising visitor had politely waited for his response. Now the door creaked and revealed Professor Dumbledore, in his ruby red robes. He shot him a smile and closed the door behind himself. The headmaster studied Remus' face over his half-moon shaped spectacles.

"How are you, Remus?" he asked.

"Good, thank you, headmaster, " replied Remus immediately and looked down to his scarred hands, but he could still feel the stare.

"Have you not forgotten something, yesterday night?" questioned Dumbledore. Remus nodded firmly.

"Yes, my apologies, Professor, I must have fallen asleep before coming to see you in your office," he apologized.

"No, I mean this, to be more precise." Dumbledore withdrew a goblet from underneath the folds of his cloak. Remus' eyes widened, darting towards the mirror in his office. Only half of him was reflecting, yet he saw every little detail. His veins in his eyes had become more prominent against the white and he suddenly noticed the familiar back pains he hadn't felt in months. Panic rose inside of him.

"There is no need to worry yet, my friend. It must not happen again, however. Few hours later and it would have had severe consequences. We can all be glad Professor Snape keeps track of the cauldrons," Dumbledore said, placing the goblet on the desk. Remus nodded apologetically, taking it in his hands. There was a silence while the young teacher drank until the last drop of potion was gone.

"I will be more careful next time, you have my word on it, headmaster," Remus promised, guilt creeping through his insides.

"I am certain it was not your intent, so do not worry about it anymore," Dumbledore said. Then he had that face again. Remus knew and hated that face. It said 'I know you would never lie to me' and 'I know you're hiding something' at the same time. The inner distress it caused in whoever was to be looked at like that was immense. On one hand, there was no way Dumbledore could know about Sirius being an animagus, but oh the other hand... the possibility that he, one of the most intelligent wizards in history, didn't figure that out was rather small.

"Headmaster, if you don't mind the question, did the ministry find out anything about Si- about Black?" he asked in the most casual tone he could manage. Dumbledore briefly waited a moment, considering his employe carefully.

"Well, the spottings have doubled up across this country, but according to the Minister himself, who I have spoken to last night, none of those were able to be proven; he leaves no traces anywhere. Either way, the castle is now heavily guarded and it will not decrease until he is found. We cannot risk the chances of any student getting hurt. I must ask of you to look after Harry Potter more closely. He seems to have taken a liking to you and your subject," the Professor pondered slowly. Remus simply nodded, letting the other man continue.

"I must leave now. There is business that needs to be taken care of." With that, Dumbledore turned around and left, closing the office door behind him.

Remus stood up and sighed deeply. He had woken up more tired and drained than when he had fallen asleep, and for once, it didn't have any correlation to the upcoming full moon. He pulled the wrinkled photograph back out of his pocket and tilted his head, watchful.

Sirius Black, where are you?

11.THE LESSON

As time passed, the students of Hogwarts went back to normal again. The attack was spoken about less and less, the sightings in the Daily Prophet became rare, the addional security measures weren't noticed as blatantly anymore. Everyone was buzzing with excitement for the upcoming Quidditch match Gryffindor against Slytherin. Last minute it was announced they would be playing Hufflepuff instead. Everything was looking good for Gryffindor before the Dementors attacked their seeker, Harry Potter, knocking him off the broom, getting him in the hospital wing for the rest of the weekend.

Remus Lupin hadn't been around to see all of that, to his great dislike. If it wasn't for his poor health situation, he would have loved to watch Harry on the Quidditch pitch, he was said to be equal to James, his father, if not better.

However, as soon as Remus had the strength to stand upright for more than a few seconds, he started teaching again. His first class that Monday were Hufflepuff sixth years. When the bell rang and he dismissed the class, he reached for a parchment on his desk to check which class he would have next, when loads of relieved yells greeted him already.

"Professor Lupin! You're back!" Dean Thomas shouted as soon as he opened the door. Remus smiled weakly. He knew, it certainly looked as though he had been ill. His old robes were hanging more loosely on him and there were dark shadows beneath his eyes; nevertheless, he waved at the class as they took their seats one after another.

"If Snape's teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts again, I'm skiving off," Ron Weasley's voice was to be heard from outside the door. "Check who's in there, Hermione." Remus saw Hermione peer around the corner.

"It's okay!" she smiled. She, Ron and Harry entered followed by three girls. Now the entire class was present.

Remus started to welcome them to the lesson, but they didn't give him time to finish his sentence. All of them burst at once into an explosion of complaints about Snape's behaviour while Lupin had been ill.

"It's not fair, he was only filling in, why should he give us homework?"

"We don't know anything about werewolves!"

"Two rolls of parchment!"

"Did you tell Professor Snape we haven't covered them yet?" Lupin asked, frowning slightly. How dare he? Was this still about the boggart or was Severus just being the unreasonable childish fool he thought he was? Did he realize how much he was risking here? Remus couldn't believe it. Intense anger arose in his chest. The babble broke out again.

"Yes, but he said we were really behind he wouldn't listen--"

"-- two rolls of parchment!"

Professor Lupin smiled at the look of indignation on every face. "Don't worry. I'll speak to Professor Snape. You don't have to do the essay." 'The less they research about werewolves, the better,' Remus thought to himself, 'It is obvious enough I fall ill every month.'

"Oh no," said Hermione, looking very disappointed. "I've already finished it!"

After that, they had a very enjoyable lesson. Professor Lupin had brought along a glass box containing a hinkypunk, a little one-legged creature who looked as though he were made of wisps of smoke, rather frail and harmless looking.

"Lures travellers into bogs," said Professor Lupin as they took notes. "You notice the lantern dangling from his hand? Hops ahead - people follow the light -- then --" The hinkypunk made a horrible squelching noise against the glass. 

When the bell rang, everyone gathered up their things and headed for the door, Harry among them, but --

"Wait a moment, Harry," Remus called. "I'd like a word." Harry doubled back and watched Professor Lupin covering the hinkypunk's box with a cloth. "I heard about the match," he said, turning back to his desk and starting to pile books into his briefcase, "and I'm sorry about your broomstick. Is there any chance of fixing it?"

"No," said Harry. "The tree smashed it to bits."  The professor sighed. 

"They planted the Whomping Willow the same year that I arrived at Hogwarts. People used to play a game, trying to get near enough to touch the trunk. In the end, a boy called Davey Gudgeon nearly lost an eye, and we were forbidden to go near it. No broomstick would have a chance."

"Did you hear about the dementors too?" said Harry with difficulty. Remus looked at him quickly. He seemed to be majorly uncomfortable.

"Yes, I did. I don't think any of us have seen Professor Dumbledore that angry. They have been growing restless for some time -- furious at his refusal to let them inside the grounds... I suppose they were the  reason you fell?" Remus said, letting his eyes wander up and down the bandage on Harry's arm and the cut on the side of his face.

"Yes," said Harry. He hesitated, and then the question he had to ask burst from him before he could stop himself. " Why? Why do they affect me like that? Am I just --?"

"It has nothing to do with weakness," said Professor Lupin sharply, as though he had read Harry's mind. "The dementors affect you worse than the others because there are horrors in your past that the others don't have." A ray of wintery sunlight fell across the classroom, illuminating Remus' light hair and the lines on his young face.

"Dementors are among the foulest creatures that walk this earth. They infest the darkest, filthiest places, they glory in decay and despair, they drain peace, hope, and happiness out of the air around them. Even Muggles feel their presence, though they can't see them. Get too near a dementor and every good feeling, every happy memory will be sucked out of you. If it can, the dementor will feed on you long enough to reduce you to something like itself... soul-less and evil. You'll be left with nothing but the worst experiences of your life. And the worst that happened to you, Harry, is enough to make anyone fall off their broom. You have nothing to feel ashamed of." Remus pitied Harry so much. After everything he had gone through there was still so much on his shoulders. And on top of that, he thought of himself as weak and powerless.

"When they get near me --" Harry stared at Remus' desk, his throat tight. "I can hear Voldemort murdering my mum."

Remis made a sudden motion to grip Harry's shoulder, but thought better of it. There was a moment of Silence, the 'I hear her and James too' was at the tip of his tongue, but then--

"Why did they have to come to the match?" said Harry bitterly.

"They're getting hungry," said Lupin coolly, shutting his briefcase with a snap. "Dumbledore won't let them into the school, so their supply of human prey has dried up... I don't think they could resist the large crowd around the Quidditch field. All that excitement... emotions
running high... it was their idea of a feast."

"Azkaban must be terrible," Harry muttered. Lupin nodded grimly.

"The fortress is set on a tiny island, way out to sea, but they don't need walls and water to keep the prisoners in, not when they're all trapped inside their own heads, incapable of a single cheery thought. Most of them go mad within weeks."

"But Sirius Black escaped from them," Harry said slowly. "He got away..." Remus's briefcase slipped from the desk; he had to stoop quickly to catch it. He had forgotten Minerva had told Harry officially that Sirius was hunting him. Apparently he had already known.

"Yes," he said, straightening up, "Black must have found a way to fight them. I wouldn't have believed it possible... Dementors are supposed to drain a wizard of his powers if he is left with them too long...."

"You made that dementor on the train back off," said Harry suddenly.

"There are -- certain defences one can use," said Remus carefully. "But there was only one dementor on the train. The more there are, the more difficult it becomes to resist."

"What defences?" said Harry at once. "Can you teach me?"

"I don't pretend to be an expert at fighting dementors, Harry, quite the  contrary..." Remus argued calmly. He was terrible most of the time, if he didn't concentrate on positive memories with everything he had. That was the catch, all his positive memories had a dark undertone now.

"But if the dementors come to another Quidditch match, I need to be able to fight them.." Remus looked into Harry's determined face, hesitated, then said, "Well... all right. I'll try and help. But it'll have to wait until next term, I'm afraid. I have a lot to do before the holidays. I chose a very inconvenient time to fall ill."

One could see the immediate improvement of Harry's mood after that. Remus dismissed him and sat back down at his desk, looking out of the window into the sky.

James would want Harry to be able to defend himself against the Dementors, no doubt about that. Remus was so unbelievably sorry for what the boy had to go through every single day of his life, so he was glad to lessen the pain if only a little bit.

The life this boy could have had...

12.THE OFFICAL REPORT

Two weeks before the end of the term, the sky lightened suddenly to a dazzling, opaline white and the muddy grounds were revealed one morning covered in glittering frost. Inside the castle, there was a buzz of Christmas in the air. Professor Flitwick, the Charms teacher, had already decorated his classroom with shimmering lights that turned out to be real, fluttering fairies. The students were all happily discussing their plans for the holidays. It was not a rare situation to shush students loudly during class, stealing every last nerve of the teachers. They complained loudly about it in the staff room. Apparently year one to three was acting too childish, four and five too much like hormonal teenagers. The years above too mature for their age. Everyone only wanted holidays.

Professor Remus Lupin, teacher for Defense against the Dark Arts, most sat back and listened. In his class, no one acted particularly strange or upsetting. Truth be told, they were making excellent progress.

To everyone's delight, there was a Hogsmeade visit set for the very last weekend of term, causing the mood to lighten immensely.

Remus had promised Minerva McGonagall to accompany them to the village. It was only the second day of the week leading up to full moon, so he would be more than fine to go, he figured. Actually, he had started to look forward to it quite a bit; he imagined it was going to be a rather pleasant end to the first half of the school year.

But little did he know that luck was, again, not with him. Friday night, Remus found himself being barely able to sleep. For hours and hours, he had sat on the windowsill, staring into the night sky, but no sense of tiredness came upon him.

"My apologies, Minerva, I would have loved to go," Remus smiled sadly at the teacher Saturday afternoon, leaning against the doorframe. He faked it to look more or less casual, not as if he was too tired to stand properly. "Unfortunately, I do not feel as good as I could. My presence would only dull the mood."

It took some strength to get Professor McGonagall to leave, but in the end, she told him to get well soon and see Madam Pomfrey if necessary and then went to meet Filius in the Great Hall.

Remus walked back into his office and pondered. He really wanted to get outside the castle. But if he met the others teachers now they would think he had lied to avoid going with them, which he surely hadn't. He just wanted to spare them his company.

Sighing, he walked to his closet and opened it. At the very back was grey, shabby cloak he never wore. He changed into that, pulled it over his head and left his office. The Map would have come in handy in that situation. Which secret passage could he use? He wasn't too fond of going back into the Shrieking Shack, but he couldn't use the one ending right underneath Honeydukes, he looked too suspicious for that. But then again, what did it matter.

Half an hour later, he was making his way through chattering students, trying to keep his head down until he was outside the crowded sweet store. Where could he easily stay hidden but still get all the news? The three broomsticks. So Remus carefully made his way through the village, avoiding everyone as much as possible.

--------BY ORDER OF -------- 
THE MINISTRY OF MAGIC  
Customers are reminded that until further notice, dementors will be patrolling the streets of Hogsmeade every night after sundown. This measure has been put in place for the safety of Hogsmeade residents and will be lifted upon the recapture of Sirius Black. It is therefore advisable that you complete your shopping well before nightfall.
Merry Christmas!

That was written on every door and every street light. Remus shook his head. They'd never have a chance against him.

Inside the pub, the professor settled for the most distant corner. He saw a few familiar faces, but kept his hood up at all times. The Barkeeper, Madam Rosmerta, brought him the Firewisky he asked for and left him alone. Remus remembered all those time Sirius flirted with her senselessly, to the great amusement of the others.

A sudden breeze ruffled his hair. The door of the Three Broomsticks had opened again. Remus looked over the rim of his tankard and choked. Professors McGonagall and Flitwick had just entered the pub with a flurry of snowflakes, shortly followed by Hagrid, who was deep in conversation with a portly man in a lime-green bowler hat and a pinstriped cloak --Cornelius Fudge, Minister of Magic.

In an instant, Remus pulled the hood of his cloak further into his face. Pulling his Firrwhisky with him and leaning out of sight, he watched the teachers and Fudge move toward the bar, pause, then turn and walk right toward him.

Remus had to react fast. "Mobiliarbus!", he whispered. The Christmas tree beside the table rose a few inches off the ground, drifted sideways, and landed with a soft thump right in front of his
table, hiding him from view.

Staring from underneath the tree, Remus saw four sets of chair legs move back from the table right beside his, then heard the grunts and sighs of the teachers and minister as they sat down.

Next, he saw another pair of feet, wearing sparkly turquoise high heels, and heard Madam Rosmerta's voice. "A small gillywater --"

"Mine," said Professor McGonagall's voice.

"Four pints of mulled mead --"

"Ta, Rosmerta," said Hagrid.

"A cherry syrup and soda with ice and umbrella --"

"Mmm!" said Professor Flitwick, smacking his lips.

"So you'll be the red currant rum, Minister."

"Thank you, Rosmerta, m'dear," said Fudge's voice. "Lovely to see you again, I must say. Have one yourself, won't you? Come and join us...."

"Well, thank you very much, Minister."

Remus watched the glittering heels march away and back again. He sat up straight now. His heart was pounding uncomfortably in his throat. Why hadn't it occurred to him that the other teachers might come to the three broomsticks as well?  And how long were they going to sit there? He really didn't need the awkward encounter.

"So, what brings you to this neck of the woods, Minister?" came Madam Rosmerta's voice.

Remus, now staring through the upper branches, saw Fudge's thick body twist in his chair as though he were checking for eavesdroppers. Then he said in a quiet voice, "What else, m'dear, but Sirius Black? I daresay you heard what happened up at the school at Halloween?"

Remus' blood froze. Whatever he was about to witness, he didn't want to hear anything of it. But he couldn't leave now.

"I did hear a rumor," admitted Madam Rosmerta.

"Did you tell the whole pub, Hagrid?" said Professor McGonagall exasperatedly.

"Do you think Blacks still in the area, Minister?" whispered Madam Rosmerta.

"I'm sure of it," said Fudge shortly.

"You know that the dementors have searched the whole village twice?" said Madam Rosmerta, a slight edge to her voice. "Scared all my customers away... It's very bad for business, Minister."

"Rosmerta, dear, I don't like them any more than you do," said Fudge uncomfortably. "Necessary precaution... unfortunate, but there you are... I've just met some of them. They're in a fury against Dumbledore-- he won't let them inside the castle grounds."

"I should think not," said Professor McGonagall sharply. "How are we
supposed to teach with those horrors floating around?"

"Hear, hear!" squeaked tiny Professor Flitwick, whose feet were dangling
a foot from the ground.

"All the same," demurred Fudge, "they are here to protect you all from something much worse.... We all know what Black's capable of..."

"Do you know, I still have trouble believing it," said Madam Rosmerta thoughtfully. "Of all the people to go over to the Dark Side, Sirius Black was the last I'd have thought... I mean, I remember him when he was a boy at Hogwarts. If you'd told me then what he was going to become, I'd have said you'd had too much mead."

"You don't know the half of it, Rosmerta," said Fudge gruffly. "The worst he did isn't widely known."

"The worst?" said Madam Rosmerta, her voice alive with curiosity, "Worse than murdering all those poor people, you mean?"

"I certainly do," said Fudge.

"I can't believe that. What could possibly be worse?"

"You say you remember him at Hogwarts, Rosmerta," murmured Professor McGonagall. "Do you remember who his best friend was?"

"Naturally," said Madam Rosmerta, with a small laugh. "Never saw one without the other, did you? The number of times I had them in here -- ooh, they used to make me laugh. Quite the double act, Sirius Black and James Potter!" Remus heard someone drop their tankard with a loud clunk. Was someone else eavesdropping?

"Precisely," said Professor McGonagall. "Black and Potter. Ringleaders of their little gang. Both very bright, of course; exceptionally bright, in fact -- but I don't think we've ever had such a pair of troublemakers --"

"I dunno," chuckled Hagrid. "Fred and George Weasley could give 'em a run fer their money."

"You'd have thought Black and Potter were brothers!" chimed in Professor Flitwick. "Inseparable!"

"Of course they were," said Fudge. "Potter trusted Black beyond all his other friends. Nothing changed when they left school. Black was best man when James married Lily. Then they named him godfather to Harry. Harry has no idea, of course. You can imagine how the idea would torment him."

"Because Black turned out to be in league with You-Know-Who?" whispered Madam Rosmerta.

"Worse even than that, m'dear...." Fudge dropped his voice and proceeded in a sort of low rumble. "Not many people are aware that the Potters knew You-Know-Who was after them. Dumbledore, who was, of course, working tirelessly against You-Know-Who, had a number of useful spies. One of them tipped him off, and he alerted James and Lily at once. He advised them to go into hiding. Well, of course, You-Know-Who wasn't an easy person to hide from. Dumbledore told them that their best chance was the Fidelius Charm."

"How does that work?" said Madam Rosmerta, breathless with interest. Professor Flitwick cleared his throat.

"An immensely complex spell," he said squeakily, "involving the magical concealment of a secret inside a single, living soul. The information is hidden inside the chosen person, or Secret-Keeper, and is henceforth impossible to find -- unless, of course, the Secret-Keeper chooses to divulge it. As long as the Secret-Keeper refused to speak, You-Know-Who could search the village where Lily and James were staying for years and never find them, not even if he had his nose pressed against their sitting room window!"

"So Black was the Potters' Secret-Keeper?" whispered Madam Rosmerta.

"Naturally," said Professor McGonagall.

"James Potter told Dumbledore that Black would die rather than tell where they were, that Black was planning to go into hiding himself... and yet, Dumbledore remained worried. I remember him offering to be the Potters' Secret-Keeper himself."

"He suspected Black?" gasped Madam Rosmerta.

"He was sure that somebody close to the Potters had been keeping You-Know-Who informed of their movements," said Professor McGonagall darkly. "Indeed, he had suspected for some time that someone on our side had turned traitor and was passing a lot of information to You-Know-Who."

"But James Potter insisted on using Black?"

"He did," said Fudge heavily. "And then, barely a week after the Fidelius Charm had been performed --"

"Black betrayed them?" breathed Madam Rosmerta.

"He did indeed. Black was tired of his double-agent role, he was ready to declare his support openly for You-Know-Who, and he seems to have planned this for the moment of the Potters' death. But, as we all know, You-Know-Who met his downfall in little Harry Potter. Powers gone, horribly weakened, he fled. And this left Black in a very nasty position indeed. His master had fallen at the very moment when he, Black, had shown his true colours as a traitor. He had no choice but to run for it--"

"Filthy, stinkin' turncoat!" Hagrid said, so loudly that half the bar went quiet.

"Shh!" said Professor McGonagall.

"I met him!" growled Hagrid. "I musta bin the last ter see him before he killed all them people! It was me what rescued Harry from Lily an' James's house after they was killed! jus' got him outta the ruins, poor little thing, with a great slash across his forehead, an' his parents dead... an' Sirius Black turns up, on that flyin' motorbike he used ter ride. Never occurred ter me what he was doin' there. I didn' know he'd bin Lily an' James's Secret-Keeper. Thought he'd jus' heard the news o' You-Know-Who's attack an' come ter see what he could do. White an' shakin', he was. An' yeh know what I did? I COMFORTED THE MURDERIN' TRAITOR!" Hagrid roared.

"Hagrid, please!" said Professor McGonagall. "Keep your voice down!"

"How was I ter know he wasn' upset abou' Lily an' James? It was You-Know-Who he cared abou'! An' then he says, 'Give Harry ter me, Hagrid, I'm his godfather, I'll look after him --' Ha! But I'd had me orders from Dumbledore, an' I told Black no, Dumbledore said Harry was ter go ter his aunt an' uncle's. Black argued, but in the end he gave in. Told me ter take his motorbike ter get Harry there. 'I won't need it anymore,' he says.

"I shoulda known there was somethin' fishy goin' on then. He loved that motorbike, what was he givin' it ter me for? Why wouldn' he need it anymore? Fact was, it was too easy ter trace. Dumbledore knew he'd bin the Potters' Secret-Keeper. Black knew he was goin' ter have ter run fer it that night, knew it was a matter o' hours before the Ministry was after him.

"But what if I'd given Harry to him, eh? I bet he'd 've pitched him off fhe bike halfway out ter sea. His bes' friends' son! But when a wizard goes over ter the Dark Side, there's nothin' and no one that matters to em anymore...."

A long silence followed Hagrid's story. Then Madam Rosmerta said with some satisfaction, "But he didn't manage to disappear, did he? The Ministry of Magic caught up with him next day!"

"Alas, if only we had," said Fudge bitterly. "It was not we who found him. It was little Peter Pettigrew -- another of the Potters' friends. Maddened by grief, no doubt, and knowing that Black had been the Potters' Secret-Keeper, he went after Black himself."

"Pettigrew... that fat little boy who was always tagging around after them at Hogwarts?" said Madam Rosmerta.

"Hero-worshipped Black and Potter," said Professor McGonagall. "Never quite in their league, talent-wise. I was often rather, harp with him. You can imagine how I -how I regret that now..." She sounded as though she had a sudden head cold.

"There, now, Minerva," said Fudge kindly, "Pettigrew died a hero's death. Eyewitnesses -- Muggles, of course, we wiped their memories later -- told us how Pettigrew cornered Black. They say he was sobbing, 'Lily and James, Sirius! How could you?' And then he went for his wand. Well, of course, Black was quicker. Blew Pettigrew to smithereens...."

Professor McGonagall blew her nose and said thickly, "Stupid boy ... foolish boy... he was always hopeless at duelling... should have left it to the Ministry...."

"I tell yeh, if I'd got ter Black before little Pettigrew did, I wouldn't 've messed around with wands -- I'd 've ripped him limb -- from -- limb," Hagrid growled.

"You don't know what you're talking about, Hagrid," said Fudge sharply. "Nobody but trained Hit Wizards from the Magical Law Enforcement Squad would have stood a chance against Black once he was cornered. I was Junior Minister in the Department of Magical Catastrophes at the time, and I was one of the first on the scene after Black murdered all those people. I -- I will never forget it. I still dream about it sometimes. A crater in the middle of the street, so deep it had cracked the sewer below. Bodies everywhere. Muggles screaming. And Black standing there laughing, with what was left of Pettigrew in front of him... a heap of bloodstained robes and a few -- a few fragments --" Fudge's voice stopped abruptly. There was the sound of five noses being blown.

"Well, there you have it, Rosmerta," said Fudge thickly. "Black was taken away by twenty members of the Magical Law Enforcement 'Squad and Pettigrew received the Order of Merlin, First Class, which I think was some comfort to his poor mother. Black's been in Azkaban ever since." Madam Rosmerta let out a long sigh.

"Is it true he's mad, Minister?"

"I wish I could say that he was," said Fudge slowly. "I certainly believe his master's defeat unhinged him for a while. The murder of Pettigrew and all those Muggles was the action of a cornered and desperate man -- cruel... pointless. Yet I met Black on my last inspection of Azkaban. You know, most of the prisoners in there sit muttering to themselves in the dark; there's no sense in them... but I was shocked at how normal Black seemed. He spoke quite rationally to me. It was unnerving. You'd have thought he was merely bored -- asked if I'd finished with my newspaper, cool as you please, said he missed doing the crossword. Yes, I was astounded at how little effect the Dementors seemed to be having on him -- and he was one of the most heavily guarded in the place, you know. Dementors outside his door day and night."

"But what do you think he's broken out to do?" said Madam Rosmerta. "Good gracious, Minister, he isn't trying to rejoin You-Know-Who, is he?"

"I daresay that is his -- er -- eventual plan," said Fudge evasively. "But we hope to catch Black long before that. I must say, You-Know-Who alone and friendless is one thing... but give him back his most devoted servant, and I shudder to think how quickly he'll rise again...." There was a small chink of glass on wood. Someone had set down their glass.

"You know, Cornelius, if you're dining with the headmaster, you'd better head back up to the castle," said Professor McGonagall.

One by one, the people next to Remus rose from their chairs, hems of cloaks swung into sight from behind the Christmas tree, and Madam Rosemerta's glittering heels disappeared behind the bar. The door of the Three Broomsticks opened again, there was another flurry of snow, and the teachers had disappeared.

Remus' mouth stood open in shock as the very last snowflake fell to the ground and melted into water, leaving a single drop on the cold wooden floor.

13.CHRISTMAS

The Professor didn't have a very clear idea of how he had managed to get back into the Honeydukes cellar, through the tunnel, and into the castle once more. All he knew was that the return trip seemed to take no time at all, and that he hardly noticed what he was doing, because his head was still pounding with the conversation he had just heard. He kept hearing footsteps from another person, which confirmed he was going mad. There was clearly no one around.

He didn't sleep at all that night. He sat at his desk. He had his head in his hands. He stared at the Polaroid. He stared at nothing. He didn't move. He thought.

The story of Sirius Black and the murder of the Potters was a puzzle, and Remus had, in twelve years, not managed to collect all the pieces, but he was so close. Almost there. Yet, there was something missing, a key information. He could feel it, and it was driving him insane.

Around dawn, pure exhaustion had gotten him to bed, at least for a few hours. It was midday when he woke up again, deciding to leave his office for a change.

He stepped out the door, into the corridor. The staff room would be a good place to start. So he walked up the stairs and into the teachers' room, where he discovered no one. 'Where is everyone? ' Then it hit him, as he was staring right at a beautiful, green Christmas tree. 'It's the Christmas holidays!'

Remus sat in one of the mismatching chairs and pulled the Polaroid picture out of the folds of his cloak. Christmas was supposed to be that special time of the year, where peace and quiet are in the air, mixed with charming Christmas carols and the smell of freshly baked mince pie. But without a family, it never was anything but sad, so sitting alone in the deserted spacious staff room, Remus felt just as empty as the room.

He looked at the picture warily. After what he had heard yesterday, his mind was all over the place. It was not like anything was particularly news to him, but the way the Minister had put it, maybe Sirius was terribly dangerous after all. Maybe Remus just had to accept that the man in the polaroid was long gone. If he hadn't known it was the same person, he would never have guessed it even was him in this old photograph. His face wasn't sunken and waxy, but handsome, full of laughter. Had he already been working for Voldemort when this picture had been taken? Was he already planning the deaths of the people closest to him? Did he realize he was facing twelve years in Azkaban, twelve years that would make him unrecognizable?

But the dementors don't affect him, Remus thought, staring at the handsome, laughing face. He doesn't have to hear James screaming, Peter yelling and himself laughing maniacally after committing murder, every time they get too close...

Remus stuffed the picture back where it belonged and sighed. In no way was this all of it. There was a piece missing. A piece of the big puzzle that the murder of the Potters and Peter was. Maybe the missing key information would give clarity. Maybe then it would all make sense. Or maybe that was just the part of him refusing to believe that his Sirius was a murderer. Maybe he was just blinded and Sirius was, in fact, nothing more than a traitor. Maybe... Maybe.

Meanwhile, in the rest of the castle, the usual magnificent Christmas decorations had been put up, despite the fact that hardly any of the students remained to enjoy them. Thick streamers of holly and mistletoe were strung along the corridors, mysterious lights shone from inside every suit of armour, and the Great Hall was filled with its usual twelve Christmas trees, glittering with golden stars. A powerful and delicious smell of cooking pervaded the corridors, and by Christmas Eve, it had grown so strong that it was present in every office from the dungeon to the top of the towers.

On Christmas morning, Remus woke up at a reasonable hour to find a tiny stack of neatly wrapped presents on his desk. He smiled to himself. That surprised him, he had not really expected anything. Smiling widely, he got out of bed and got dressed and ignored the dizziness clouding his brain fully. He drank some water and made his bed, before sitting down and tending to the few presents in front of him.

A smaller red parcel caught his eye at first. Remus was written on it in silver pen. He discovered it to be a book sent to him by Professor McGonagall. It was by an author that they had talked about a few weeks prior. The teacher laughed; he had gotten her exactly the same thing.

Another present he got was a Christmas sweater and matching socks by Headmaster Dumbledore, which made him beam with happiness for some reason. Such a simple gift, but it made him feel at home.

Further, Hagrid had gifted him a strange plant that smelled surprisingly pleasant, knowing that Hagrid found interest in many uncommon things. Fidelius Flitwick had managed to enchant a pillow for him that according to the card 'guaranteed a perfect eight-hour dreamless sleep', which Remus found rather endearing. 

Lastly, underneath everything else, there was a hastily, sloppily wrapped present. It was not even real wrapping-paper, but a dirty newspaper article. He threw it away with the rest of the paper and examined the present. It was a rock. A smooth, flat, grey rock. There was no card or inscription attached, but before he could even begin to wonder about it, there were cracking sounds coming from his fireplace and he had to slide the rock in his cloak's pocket.

"Yes, please?" he called. Minerva McGonagall walked out of the suddenly emerald green fire. She was wearing her most elegant robes and a smile on her face.

"Merry Christmas, Remus," she nodded happily, gesturing to the pile of wrapping paper.

"Merry Christmas," he smiled, "Thank you for the book. Excellent choice, I look forward to reading it immensely."

"Likewise," laughed Minverva and came closer to Lupins desk. She studied his face and furrowed her brows. "Are you alright?"

"Yes, why?" he asked cautiously and got up. He was in front of the mirror in two steps and observed his reflection. The man in the mirror had very prominent cheekbones and bloodshot eyes. Also a terrible posture. 

"Did you not take your potion yesterday evening?" the Professor asked, looking over her colleague's shoulder into the mirror. 

"I did," stated Remus. He actually had, but apparently his symptoms were stronger than the potion this time. 

"Severus," muttered Minerva and walked back over to the fireplace and disappearing for a good few seconds, before returning with the potions master of Hogwarts.

"Merry Christmas," Lupin greeted. Snape nodded and immediately began searching for abnormalities in the other one's appearance. Remus could tell he noticed the strangeness of the eyes as well as the bones. Then he turned around and walked back into the fireplace. Minerva stood by quietly. 

Not a minute had passed before Snape returned with a goblet and handed it wordlessly to Lupin, who drank it at once. 

"Just do not get incensed and you should be fine. Do not move too much," Snape advised coldly and left again, this time for good. Lupin sighed.

"Full moon is in two days and I wanted to enjoy my Christmas. Looks like it's again not going my way." He sat down at his desk again.

"You will most likely not be attending tonight's dinner?" Minerva asked. He shook his head in response and after reassuring him that he can always knock on her door if he needed anything, Minerva was gone as well to let him rest.

So Remus spent the whole day reading. When it was time to go down to the Christmas dinner, he sighed dejectedly and instead of taking part in the feast, he downed another goblet bitter wolfsbane potion. He was most likely as miserable as it possibly gets. Even though he was hungry and in need of company, he did as Professor Snape advised and stayed glued to his chair. What else was he to do, really? He had to fight the symptoms passively, otherwise, when he got worked up or angry, they would only get worse. 

"Remus?" Minerva's voice sounded urgent from the other side of the office door. He called her in, but she only opened the door a bit and looked around carefully before opening it fully and walking inside, accompanied by no other than Hermione Granger.

"Merry Christmas, Hermione," he smiled. 

"Merry Christmas, Professor," she replied, but her smile did not reach her worried eyes.

"I know you are supposed to be resting strictly but Miss Granger has worrying news," the teacher began. "So if you could follow us to the Gryffindor tower, please."

Lupin nodded and blew out the candle on his desk, before hurrying up the stairs with his colleague and student. Inside the common room, they found Harry Potter and Ron Weasley laze around in the armchairs by the fireplace. Remus stood back as the head of house approached them. He was far too overwhelmed by the crippling nostalgia that attacked his insides when he entered the Gryffindor common room. It looked exactly like back then. His home.

"Potter, I must insist you hand out your Firebolt broom," commanded Minerva Harry.

"W -- what?" said Harry, scrambling to his feet. "Why?"

"It will need to be checked for jinxes," said Professor McGonagall. "Of course, I'm no expert, but I daresay Madam Hooch and Professor Flitwick will strip it down --"

"Strip it down?" repeated Ron, as though Professor McGonagall was mad.

"It shouldn't take more than a few weeks," said Professor McGonagall. "You will have it back if we are sure it is jinx-free."

"There's nothing wrong with it!" said Harry, his voice shaking slightly. "Honestly, Professor --"

"You can't know that, Potter," said Professor McGonagall, quite kindly, "not until you've flown it, at any rate, and I'm afraid that is out of the question until we are certain that it has not been tampered with. I shall keep you informed."

Professor McGonagall turned on her heel and carried the Firebolt out of the portrait hole, which closed behind her. Harry stood staring after her, the tin of High-Finish Polish still clutched in his hands. Ron, however, rounded on Hermione.

"What did you go running to McGonagall for?" Hermione threw her book aside. She was still pink in the face, but stood up and faced Ron defiantly. 

"Because I thought -- and Professor McGonagall agrees with me -- that that broom was probably sent to Harry by Sirius Black!"

Professor Lupin hurried out of the portrait after McGonagall, who stood kindly waiting for him next to the Fat Lady. 

"You don't really think that the broom is--?" Remus began, leaving the question hanging in the air between them.

"I'm afraid so, who else would send Potter such an expensive gift? There are many things that don't add up about this, but it is yet the most logical answer I can come up with." Minerva sighed. "Plus, the boy has no one else. Lily and James made Black his godfather; his aunt and uncle are horrible Muggles with no understanding of wizards, and they deny Harry's existence most of the time, so it certainly wasn't them."

Remus looked down. If Harry knew what perfect and wonderful life he could have had, the teacher doubted that he could take it. No one could. He remembered when it was him and Sirius and Peter, sitting with young Harry in the living room of their house, enchanting his toys to walk around to his great amusement. His parents would stand there and admire the four of them, commenting on how great a job they were doing as uncles. Now Remus sighed. He could have been 'old uncle Moony' instead of 'Professor Lupin' to Harry. It was breaking his heart when he thought about it.

"They should have chosen you," Minerva said quietly as they were walking towards the teachers' room. 

"Chosen me to be what exactly?" Remus asked. Their secret keeper? 

"Harry's godfather," she answered. 

"Minerva, you know I couldn't have. I would have been a threat to him and you know that. Otherwise, Dumbledore would have decided that way after James and Lily died," he said in a bitter tone. "I even am a threat to him now and everyone else in this castle as well, and he doesn't even know who I am."

"Don't say that. You're holding up really well, Remus," Minerva said kindly, smiling at him. The professor overcame a sudden intense appreciation for her, but he could only smile back at her, uncertain how to express his emotions.

"Would you mind asking Severus for another dose of potion for me? I better get back to my office," Remus said and his colleague nodded, so they parted ways.

Half an hour later, he had downed the steaming goblet that Severus had brought him and laid down on his bed after the other teacher had left again. He stared out of the big windows out into the night sky. It was crystal clear outside, as it was far too cold for snow. There were thousands of stars in the black night sky, and the moon shone brightly. Tomorrow it would be a perfect circle, but staring at it already doubled his pulse and dilated his pupils, it took him a lot of strength not to concentrate on it.

 Remus gaze wandered around the room and fell on the polaroid of him and his friends in the hospital wing after a full moon, that he had put on his desk. Fullmoon was easier with his friends. So much easier. He sat up straight and looked at the sky.

"Hey James," he said quietly. "Haven't talked to you in a while. I know I used to every night, I don't know why I stopped. A lot happened. I'm back at Hogwarts, can you believe that? It looks just like it did fifteen years ago. It's beautiful.

I teach your son in DADA, he's a great student, you would be proud of him. I'm sure you are, from wherever you're watching. Did you hear that Sirius is on the loose? He was inside the castle on Halloween. Apparently, he's after Harry. But don't worry, we're keeping him safe. I wouldn't let anything happen to him. 

One side of me wants to catch Sirius myself and make him pay for what he did. Pete was such an innocent man. They were friends, you and he were friends, the best of friends, why, James? You were brothers. It's been almost thirteen years and I still cannot comprehend. Something is missing, I constantly feel like I'm about to get ahold of it, but it's just outside my reach by a millimetre, someone snatches it away just a second before I can grasp it. What would you do, James? Together we always knew what do do, but things have changed. I'm so sorry for everything that has happened to you. I could have prevented so many things, I could have protected Pete, I could have looked after Sirius better. 

I promise I would never let any harm come to your son. I'm teaching him how to protect himself from Dementors when the new term starts. He hears you too whenever they get close to him, you know? He hears you and Lilly as well. I want to help him. It's the least I can do. 

Greet Lilly from me as well, will you? Merry Christmas, James." 

Remus Lupin fell asleep soon after. Sometimes you just have to get everything off your chest and tell your best friend, no matter the circumstances.

14.THE PATRONUS

Towards the end of the holidays, everyone was glad when the rest of the school returned shortly after New Year, and the corridors, common rooms and the staff room became crowded and noisy again. Professor Lupin was especially happy that the time where he could sit and think came to an end as classes started again. His transformation right after Christmas had been very painful, but the night before the term started again, he was back on his feet just fine and planning his lessons in the staff room.

On the first day of the new term, he taught a class of Ravenclaw second years, Slytherin first and third years and two classes of different sixth years, before the class he had been looking forward to seeing walked into his classroom on Tuesday around noon.

"Good morning, Professor! How was your Christmas break?" Dean Thomas asked cheerfully when he took his desk at the front, next to his best friend. 

"Pleasant, thank you, Dean. Did you enjoy your time at home?" Remus smiled.

"Yes, I love Christmas. But I'm happy to be back in school too, Sir," said Dean and he looked honest, so Remus nodded and leaned against his desk, watching the students take their seats.

"Good morning everyone, I'm glad to see you all back happy and healthy," the professor started once everybody arrived. "I hope your Christmas break has prepared you for this upcoming term, as we have a lot of things we will deal with until you take your exams at the end of the year." He started briefly introducing each topic before starting right where they had left off before the holidays. 

It was a very pleasant lesson, Remus loved these kids and he loved teaching, he had to admit. There was no denying how well he had fallen into the role of Professor Lupin. 

When the bell rang, he dismissed the class happily and reminded them to hand in the work he had had them do over the holidays. They left in small groups until it was just Harry in front of his desk. Ron waited up for him by the door.

"Professor? Do you recall the conversation we had had before Christmas?" Harry asked, looking at the floor.

"Naturally. So you still want to learn how to fight-- or rather how to protect yourself again the Dementors of Azkaban?" Remus wanted to make sure that it was really the right thing to do.

"Yes, sir. I need to win the next match for Gryffindor or we have no chance at all to win the cup this year!" Harry argued. His expression was urgent.

"Alright," said Lupin."Let me see... how about eight o'clock on Thursday evening? The History of Magic classroom should be large enough... I'll have to think carefully about how we're going to do this... We can't bring a real dementor into the castle to practice on...." He pondered.

"Thank you, sir! Really!" Harry smiled before hurrying to meet Ron at the door.

"Still looks ill, doesn't he?" Remus heard Ron say as soon as they left, heading to lunch. They were out of earshot quickly, so he didn't know if or what Harry answered to that question, and he wasn't sure if he wanted to know.

At eight o'clock on Thursday evening, Remus left his office for the History of Magic classroom, carrying a large packing case, which he heaved onto Professor Binn's desk. Harry had been waiting for him outside and now followed him in.

"What's that?" said Harry warily.

"Another boggart," answered Lupin, stripping off his cloak. "I've been combing the castle ever since Tuesday, and very luckily, I found this one lurking inside Mr Filch's filing cabinet. It's the nearest we'll get to a real Dementor. The boggart will turn into a dementor when he sees you, so we'll be able to practice on him. I can store him in my office when we're not using him; there's a cupboard under my desk he'll like."

"Okay," said Harry, trying to sound as though he wasn't apprehensive at all and merely glad that Lupin had found such a good substitute for a real Dementor. Remus could look right through that, though. 

"So..." Remus had taken out his wand and indicated that Harry should do the same. "The spell I am going to try and teach you is highly advanced magic, Harry -- well beyond ordinary Wizarding Level. It is called the Patronus Charm."

"How does it work?" asked Harry nervously.

"Well, when it works correctly, It conjures up a Patronus," said Lupin, "which is a kind of anti- dementor -- a guardian that acts as a shield between you and the dementor."

Harry looked taken aback, but very interested as Remus continued, "The Patronus is a kind of positive force, a projection of the very things that the dementor feeds upon -- hope, happiness, the desire to survive -- but it cannot feel despair, as real humans can, so the dementors can't hurt it. But I must warn you, Harry, that the charm might be too advanced for you. Many qualified wizards have difficulty with it." Remus felt like he had to warn him, as he didn't want Harry to lose hope when he failed-- which he would. It would be a miracle for it to work the first time.

"What does a Patronus look like?" questioned Harry curiously.

"Each one is unique to the wizard who conjures it."

"And how do you conjure it?"

"With an incantation, which will work only if you are concentrating, with all your might, on a single, very happy memory."

Remus watched Harry cast his mind about for a happy memory. Certainly, nothing that had happened to him at his aunt and uncle was going to do. Finally, he looked like he had settled on a moment. The professor was curious what he was thinking of. Ron and Hermione, he assumed.

"Right," Harry said, trying to recall the feeling of his memory.

"The incantation is this --" the professor cleared his throat. "Expecto patronum!" 

"Expecto patronum, " Harry repeated under his breath, "expecto patronum."

"Concentrating hard on your happy memory?"

"Oh -- yeah --" said Harry, quickly forcing his thoughts back to that. "Expecto patrono -- no, patronum -- sorry -- expecto patronum, expecto patronum" Something whooshed suddenly out of the end of his wand; it looked like a wisp of silvery gas. "Did you see that?" said Harry excitedly. "Something happened!"

"Very good," Remus said, smiling. That was a good start. "Right, then -- ready to try it on a dementor?"

"Yes," Harry said, gripping his wand very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on his memory. 

Remus observed him carefully. Any second now, he might hear his mother again... he was properly terrified. Who would want to hear the screams of their own mother? Harry didn't want to... or did he? It was like Remus' dreams about James and Peter and Sirius. He had to let them go, but how could he if they were all he could think about?

Shaking his head, he grasped the lid of the packing case and pulled. A dementor rose slowly from the box, its hooded face turned toward Harry, one glistening, scabbed hand gripping its cloak. The lamps around the classroom flickered and went out. The dementor stepped from the box and started to sweep silently toward Harry, drawing a deep, rattling breath. A wave of piercing cold broke over them--

"Expecto patronum!" Harry yelled. "Expecto patronum! Expecto --"

But it was of no use, Remus watched his eyes roll back into his head and he collapsed onto the floor. The dementor made its way over to Harry and the teacher quickly focused his mind on the warm smile and the full head of red hair that marked Lilly Evans and the uncensored laugh and untidy black hair that was her husband. 

"Expecto Patronum!" he said quietly, forcing the dementor back into the chest before it could transform into Remus' worst fear. Shutting the chest, he walked over to Harry and got down on one knee beside him. With a flick of his wand, the lamps in the classroom were alight again. He watched Harry twitching weirdly until he suddenly jerked back to life.

"Sorry," he muttered, sitting up,  cold sweat trickling down behind his glasses.

"Are you all right?" asked Remus and stood up straight again and started rummaging in his pockets.

"Yes..." Harry pulled himself up on one of the desks and leaned against it.

"Here --" the teacher handed him a Chocolate Frog. "Eat this before we try again. I didn't expect you to do it your first time; in fact, I would have been astounded if you had."

"It's getting worse," Harry muttered, biting off the Frog's head. "I could hear her louder that time -- and him -- Voldemort."

Remus felt the colour drain from his face. On the one hand, he didn't want to hear a word of that, but the same time-- he wished to know everything Harry heard. Just to hear Lily's voice again...

"Harry, if you don't want to continue, I will more than understand --" he began.

"I do!" said Harry fiercely, stuffing the rest of the Chocolate Frog into his mouth. "I've got to! What if the dementors turn up at our match against Ravenclaw? I can't afford to fall off again. If we lose this game we've lost the Quidditch Cup!"

"All right then... " said Remus reluctantly. "You might want to select another memory, a happy memory, I mean, to concentrate on... That one doesn't seem to have been strong enough...."

Harry thought hard and decided on something else. He gripped his wand tightly again and took up his position in the middle of the classroom.

"Ready?" Remus said, gripping the box lid.

"Ready," said Harry; trying hard to fill his head with happy thoughts, and not dark thoughts about what was going to happen when the box opened.

"Go!" said Lupin, pulling off the lid. The room went icily cold and dark once more. The dementor glided forward, drawing its breath; one rotting hand was extending toward Harry -

"Expecto patronum!" Harry yelled. "Expecto patronum! Expecto Pat --"

Then he fell again. Remus conjured a weak patronus to put the dementor back, his head clouded with worry as he sat next to Harry again. But this time, he didn't wake up so quickly. 

"Harry? Harry, can you hear me? Harry!" Remus called, grabbing him by the shoulder and shaking him. There were a few tears rolling down the boy's cheek. He should have known better than to teach a third year the patronus charm. What was he doing? 

"Harry! Harry... wake up...." He was tapping Harry hard on the face, when his fluttered open slowly. This time it was a minute before Harry understood why he was lying on a dusty classroom floor.

"I heard my dad," Harry mumbled. "That's the first time I've ever heard him -- he tried to take on Voldemort himself, to give my mum time to run for it...." Remus' heart wrenched in his chest.

Harry suddenly realized that there were tears on his face mingling with the sweat. He bent his face as low as possible, wiping them off on his robes, pretending to do up his shoelace, so that his teacher wouldn't see. Remus had the decency not to comment on it.

"You heard James?" asked Remus when he collected enough strength to do so. His voice sounded strange, he felt like it was someone else talking. 

"Yeah..." face dry, Harry looked up. "Why -- you didn't know my dad, did you?"

Remus' heart shattered into a million pieces this time. You're the son of my best friends, I could have watched you grow up if it wasn't for my partner, your godfather, betraying everyone. We would have been a family, Harry.

"I -- I did, as a matter of fact," said Remus as calmly as he could. "We were friends at Hogwarts. Listen, Harry -- perhaps we should leave it here for tonight. This charm is ridiculously advanced... I shouldn't have suggested putting you through this...."

"No!" said Harry. He got up again. "I'll have one more go! I'm not thinking of happy enough things, that's what it is... Hang on...." He racked his brains. A really, really happy memory... one that he could turn into a good, strong Patronus... Harry got to his feet and faced the packing case once more, looking determined.

"Ready?" said Remus, readying himself for conjuring a patronus as well in case he had to. They were definitely doing this against his better judgment. "Concentrating hard? All right -- go!"

He pulled off the lid of the case for the third time, and the dementor rose out of it; the room fell cold and dark.

"EXPECTO PATRONUM!" Harry bellowed. "EXPECTO PATRONUM! EXPECTO PATRONUM!"

Harry's eyes were clouding again, but he was looking right at the dementor, which had halted -- and then a huge, silver shadow came bursting out of the end of Harry's wand, to hover between him and the dementor, and though Harry was shaking like mad, he was still on his feet -- though for how much longer, Remus wasn't sure --

"Riddikulus!" Remus said, springing forward. There was a loud crack, and Harry's cloudy Patronus vanished along with the dementor; the boy sank into a chair, looking as exhausted as if he'd just run a mile, and felt his legs still shaking. Remus saw him watching as he forced the boggart back into the packing case with his wand; it had turned into the full moon again, but it didn't bother him.

"Excellent!" Remus said beaming with pride, striding over to where Harry sat. "Excellent, Harry! That was definitely a start!"

"Can we have another go? Just one more go?" Harry asked. Was there no way to get him down ever? He never reminded Remus more of his father than right then and there. James had also never given up ever.

"Not now," Remus decided firmly. "You've had enough for one night. Here --" He handed Harry a large bar of Honeydukes' best chocolate. "Eat the lot, or Madam Pomfrey will be after my blood. Same time next week?"

"Okay," said Harry. He took a bite of the chocolate and watched Remus extinguishing the lamps that had rekindled with the disappearance of the dementor. Harry looked as if he was thinking.

"Professor Lupin?" he said. "If you knew my dad, you must've known Sirius Black as well."

Remus spun around quickly. "What gives you that idea?" he said sharply, more than he intended. What did the student know? Who told him?

"Nothing -- I mean, I just knew they were friends at Hogwarts too...."

"Yes, I knew him," he said shortly, visibly relaxing. "Or I thought I did. You'd better be off, Harry, it's getting late."

Harry left the classroom, and Remus heard him walk along the corridor and around a corner, before the footsteps disappeared at once. 

Remus wished Harry hadn't mentioned Sirius. His extreme reaction probably made him suspicious, which is never a good thing for someone with as many secrets as himself, and there was so much on the line. 

Then Remus' thoughts wandered back to Lily and James... he felt drained and strangely empty, even though he was not even the one who heard them. It must be so terrible for Harry to hear his parents' last moments replayed inside his head. 

He sighed and enchanted the heavy packing case so it would float beside him. He exited the classroom and walked along the corridor, when he heard a small voice from around the corner.

"They're dead," Harry's voice said sternly to himself. "They're dead and listening to echoes of them won't bring them back. You'd better get a grip on yourself if you want that Quidditch Cup."

Remus watched as the student stood up, crammed the last bit of chocolate into his mouth, and headed in the direction of Gryffindor Tower.

It took everything he had not to break down right there as he watched Harry James Potter walk along the corridor, wiping his eyes and blaming himself for wanting to hear his family again.

'I am so so goddamn sorry, Harry.'

15.THE QUIDDITCH MATCH

The next few weeks all sort of blended together. January faded away and was replaced by a rainy, cold February. Remus Lupin was teaching his classes and managed to not miss a single one, since the full moon was on a Saturday night that month. He was back teaching on Monday. And he was proud of that.

One morning, Remus sat in the Great Hall, nibbling on a piece of toast when the post owls arrived. He caught his Daily Prophet out of the air, just to be greeted by the face of no other than Sirius Black. 

MINISTRY REACHES AGREEMENT WITH AZKABAN
The Ministry of Magic confirms making the decision with the Dementors of Azkaban, that Sirius Black, who is still eluding capture, is facing the Dementors' kiss directly upon recapture. It is to be performed immediately and may take place without a trial or conversation with the perpetrator. People are advised to be on high alert at all times. 

Remus looked up at the enchanted ceiling, feeling empty even though he just ate. The fate of the dementors kiss was nothing anyone deserved. They use their kiss as a weapon only for the worst perpetrators. Those who have to endure the kiss, will have no soul left in their body. No identity, no senses, no pain, no pleasure. No chance of recovery.

Deep down, Remus prayed now that they wouldn't find him. Sirius would be turned into a soulless being; it was selfish, but Remus wanted to talk to him first.

That evening, Harry Potter met him in the History of Magic classroom like every Thursday evening for his anti-dementor lessons, which were not going nearly as well as the student had hoped, while Remus kept ensuring him he was doing great; several sessions in, he was able to produce an indistinct, silvery shadow every time the boggart-dementor approached him, but his Patronus was too feeble to drive the dementor away. All it did was hover, like a semitransparent cloud, draining Harry of energy as he fought to keep it there. Harry looked visibly angry and upset with himself, and Remus knew he felt guilty about his secret desire to hear his parents' voices again.

"You're expecting too much of yourself," said Remus, sternly in their fourth week of practice. "For a thirteen-year-old wizard, even an indistinct Patronus is a huge achievement. You aren't passing out anymore, are you?"

"I thought a Patronus would -- charge the dementors down or something," said Harry dispiritedly. "Make them disappear --"

"The true Patronus does do that," said Remus. "But you've achieved a great deal in a very short space of time. If the dementors put in an appearance at your next Quidditch match, you will be able to keep them at bay long enough to get back to the ground."

"You said it's harder if there are loads of them," said Harry.

"I have complete confidence in you," promised Remus, smiling. "Here -- you've earned a drink - something from the Three Broomsticks. You won't have tried it before --" He pulled two bottles out of his briefcase, hoping to cheer Harry up at least a bit.

"Butterbeer!" said Harry immediately. "Yeah, I like that stuff!"

Remus raised an eyebrow, studying his face. To be fair, he had had the feeling that Harry wasn't always conforming to all the rules before, so this was not shocking to him.

"Oh -Ron and Hermione brought me some back from Hogsmeade," Harry lied quickly. It couldn't have been more obvious. But Remus decided to leave it be, it wasn't like they had never sneaked out of the castle-- in fact, they had probably spent more time breaking rules than following them, but then again, there was a sentenced murderer breathing right down Harry's neck.

"I see," he said, though he still looked slightly suspicious. "Well -- let's drink to a Gryffindor victory against Ravenclaw! Not that I'm supposed to take sides, as a teacher... " he added hastily. Of course, he was rooting for Gryffindor. He would always stay a Gryffindor at heart.

They drank the butterbeer in silence until Harry voiced something he seemed to be wondering about for a while.

"What's under a Dementor's hood?"

Professor Lupin lowered his bottle thoughtfully. "Hmmm... well, the only people who really know are in no condition to tell us. You see, the dementor lowers its hood only to use its last and worst weapon."

"What's that?"

"They call it the Dementor's Kiss," said Remus, with a slightly twisted smile. "It's what dementors do to those they wish to destroy utterly. I suppose there must be some kind of mouth under there, because they clamp their jaws upon the mouth of the victim and -- and suck out his soul."

Harry accidentally spat out a bit of butterbeer. "What -- they kill --?"

"Oh no," Remus explained, "Much worse than that. You can exist without your soul, you know, as long as your brain and heart are still working. But you'll have no sense of self anymore, no memory, no. .. anything. There's no chance at all of recovery. You'll just exist. As an empty shell. And your soul is gone forever... lost." Remus drank a little more butterbeer, then said, "It's the fate that awaits Sirius Black. It was in the Daily Prophet this morning. The Ministry has given the Dementors permission to perform it if they find him."

Harry sat stunned for a moment at the idea of someone having their soul sucked out through their mouth. But then he thought of Black.

"He deserves it," he said suddenly.

"You think so?" said Remus lightly. "Do you really think anyone deserves that?"

"Yes," said Harry defiantly. "For... for some things..." Remus saw him battling inside whether to keep talking or not, but apparently he decided against it, because he finished his butterbeer in silence, thanked Remus and left the History of Magic classroom.

Remus wondered for a long time about the things that Harry would have said.

When the day of Gryffindors's match against Ravenclaw came, everyone was really excited and thrilled. The news that the Gryffindors had a firebolt on their team had travelled the school like wildfire. 

Remus was glad for different reasons that Harry had gotten his broom back. If he hadn't, it would have meant that it really was sent by Sirius Black. It relieved him that it wasn't.

So on the day of the match, he made his way to the Quidditch field like everyone else. The stands were packed already, but Remus managed to get a good seat right behind Minerva and the commentator Lee Jordan. Professor Sinistra joined him with Professor Sprout shortly after, and they chatted until the game began.

There was loud cheering when the two teams walked onto the field and the captains shook hands. They mounted their brooms and the sound of Madam Hooch's whistle rang through the stadium. The crowd cheered.

Remus was watching Harry kicking off into the air and the Firebolt zooming higher and faster than any other broom; he soared around the stadium and began squinting around for the Snitch. Then he began listening all the while to the commentary, which was now being provided by Lee Jordan.

"They're off, and the big excitement this match is the Firebolt that Harry Potter is flying for Gryffindor. According to Which Broomstick, the Firebolt's going to be the broom of choice for the national teams at this year's World Championship --"

"Jordan, would you mind telling us what's going on in the match?" interrupted Professor McGonagall's voice. Remus smirked, seeing the two of them right before him.

"Right you are, Professor -- just giving a bit of background information-- the Firebolt, incidentally, has a built-in auto-brake and --"

"Jordan!"

"Okay, okay, Gryffindor in possession, Katie Bell of Gryffindor, heading for goal..."

Then Remus just sat back and enjoyed. He hadn't watched a game of Quidditch in ages. And Harry was as just as good a flyer as his father, to say the least. The Ravenclaw Seeker Cho Chang tried to get in his way as much as she could, but he always managed to swerve just in time. It really looked like he was in his element.

"Gryffindor leads by eighty points to zero, and look at that Firebolt go! Potter's really putting it through its paces now, see it turn -- Chang's Comet is just no match for it, the Firebolt's precision- balance is really noticeable in these long --"

"JORDAN! ARE YOU BEING PAID TO ADVERTISE FIREBOLTS? GET ON WITH THE COMMENTARY!" shouted Minerva exasperated, earning laughter from the stadium.

Harry had spotted the snitch several times, but Cho Chang blocked him every time, so the Snitch vanished again. Remus nodded absentmindedly; it was a valid strategy, she knew she had no chance once Harry had a clear field.

"HARRY, THIS IS NO TIME TO BE A GENTLEMAN!" Wood roared through the stadium as Harry swerved to avoid a collision with Chang once more. "KNOCK HER OFF HER BROOM IF YOU HAVE TO!" The Gryffindors cheered at that.

A few moments passed and all eyes were on Harry when he took a dive straight down and pulled up again sharply, having spotted the snitch on the other side of the field.

Just then, a piercing scream drew everyone's attention to what was coming right towards Harry, who looked down at it, distracted.

Three dementors, three tall, black, hooded dementors, were looking up at him. Remus stood up and stumbled to the front of the stand he was on to see more clearly.

Harry didn't stop to think. Plunging a hand down the neck of his robes, he whipped out his wand and roared, "Expecto patronum!" Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wand. He had shot it directly at the dementors but didn't pause to watch; he looked ahead -- he was nearly there. He stretched out the hand still grasping his wand and just managed to close his fingers over the small, struggling Snitch. 

Madam Hooch's whistle sounded. Harry turned around in midair and saw six scarlet blurs bearing down on him; next moment, the whole team was hugging him so hard he was nearly pulled off his broom. Down below all that could be heard were the roars of the Gryffindors in the crowd. 

Remus lost sight of the dementors as everyone was standing up and pushing, so headed down to the field as quickly as he could in the large crowd. 

Remus saw Harry getting off his broom and looking up to see a gaggle of Gryffindor supporters sprinting onto the field, Ron Weasley in the lead. Before he knew it, he had been engulfed by the cheering crowd.

"Yes!" Ron yelled, yanking Harry's arm into the air. "Yes! Yes!"

Remus had fallen slightly behind and could not believe what he was seeing to his left. The three dementors were laying on the ground, struggling with their black robes, under which the heads of a pack of familiar students were emerging. 

Shaking his head, he was making his way towards the Gryffindor team.

"Good for you, Harry!" roared Seamus Finnigan.

"Ruddy brilliant!" boomed Hagrid over the heads of the milling Gryffindors.

"That was quite some Patronus," Remus said quietly only for Harry to hear. Harry turned around to look at him, noticing that he looked both shaken and pleased.

"The dementors didn't affect me at all!" Harry said excitedly. "I didn't feel a thing!"

"That would be because they -- er -- weren't dementors," said Remus, unsure of how to express his feelings for the situation. "Come and see -- " 

He led Harry out of the crowd until they were able to see the edge of the field. "You gave Mr Malfoy quite a fright," Remus said.

Harry stared. Lying in a crumpled heap on the ground were Malfoy, Crabbe, Goyle, and Marcus Flint, the Slytherin team Captain, all still struggling to remove themselves from long, black, hooded robes. It looked as though Malfoy had been standing on Goyle's shoulders. Standing over them now, with an expression of the utmost fury on her face, was Professor McGonagall.

"An unworthy trick!" she was shouting. "A low and cowardly attempt to sabotage the Gryffindor Seeker! Detention for all of you, and fifty points from Slytherin! I shall be speaking to Professor Dumbledore about this, make no mistake! Ah, here he comes now!"

If anything could have set the seal on Gryffindor's victory, it was this. Ron Weasley, who had fought his way through to Harry's side, doubled up with laughter as they watched Malfoy fighting to extricate himself from the robe, Goyle's head still stuck inside it.

"Come on, Harry!" said George, fighting his way over. "Party! Gryffindor common room, now!"

"Right," said Harry. Remus patted him on the shoulder once more before he got pulled into the crowd again. He and the rest of the team led the way, still in their scarlet robes, out of the stadium and back up to the castle.

Remus watched them, still standing a few steps behind Professor McGonagall, who was lecturing the Slytherins countless times.

'By Merlin, Harry, you have no idea how proud your father would be of you.' Remus thought to himself, as he watched the Gryffindors carry their Seeker over their heads out of the stadium, cheering.

16.THE DORMITORIES

After the match Gryffindor versus Ravenclaw, Professor Remus Lupin couldn't sleep very well. It wasn't the party in the Gryffindor common room that disturbed him, it was his own thoughts. Not that full moon was close; it was weeks away and he was glad about that-- he was just preoccupied with his own mind, like everyone tended to be at times.

It was about three in the morning when he decided that it was of no use to keep tossing and turning, so he got up to take a walk through the castle. It would calm him down and tire him-- or so he hoped. He was walking up the staircase, letting his mind wander, when a loud scream echoed through the empty corridors. A terrifying, horrific scream, that let your blood freeze in your veins immediately. Remus stood still for a heartbeat or two. Then he ran.

He knew exactly where it came from and in just a minute he was standing there, panting hard in front of the Portrait of the Gryffindor tower. He looked around. For a second he thought he had seen something move in the shadows but it was gone when he turned his head at it again.

"Sir Cadogan, would you mind," asked Remus urgently. The knight on the portrait waved his sword.

"Password or you shall sleep outside, good Sir!" said the portrait and Remus looked around again. There were loud voices shouting inside.

"I'm a teacher! I heard screams from inside, please open up!" he begged him. He had to see what was going on. Had to see if Harry was alright. If anything happened to him he would--

"Remus!" called a voice suddenly from the end of the corridor. Professor McGonagall turned up in her tartan dressing gown and hair net, looking not the slightest bit shaken, but annoyed.

"Minerva! What is going on?" he asked, ignoring Sir Cadogan's protests.

"I told them to shut it two hours ago, if there is no absolute perfect explanation for their disturbance of overall peace and quiet, I will not hesitate to subtract all the points earned by today's match!" she fumed, climbing the portrait after having repeated the password twice. Remus followed her suit; something told him this tumult was not about the match anymore.

"Nonsense!" they heard the head boy Percy Weasley, sounding startled. "You had too much to eat, Ron-- had a nightmare --"

"I'm telling you --" said his brother.

"Now, really, enough's enough!" The two teachers had entered. Minerva slammed the portrait behind her as she stared furiously around. "I am delighted that Gryffindor won the match, but this is getting ridiculous! Percy, I expected better of you!" she continued. Meanwhile, Remus' eyes were searching the students to see if anyone was missing-- or at least that's what he told himself. Really, he was frantically checking for Harry Potter, but he found him standing right behind Ron, looking as shaken as everyone else, but alright. When Harry looked back at him, he nodded towards him and smiled, the student just so managed to nod back.

"I certainly didn't authorize this, Professor!" said Percy to Professor McGonagall, puffing himself up indignantly. "I was just telling them all to get back to bed! My brother Ron here had a nightmare --"

"IT WASN'T A NIGHTMARE!" Ron yelled. "PROFESSOR, I WOKE UP, AND SIRIUS DAMN BLACK WAS STANDING OVER ME, HOLDING A KNIFE!"

Remus froze. Professor McGonagall stared at Ron. "Don't be ridiculous, Weasley, how could he possibly have gotten through the portrait hole?"

"Ask him!" said Ron, pointing a shaking finger at the back of Sir Cadogan's picture. "Ask him if he saw --" Glaring suspiciously at Ron, Professor McGonagall walked past Remus, pushed the Portrait back open and went outside. The whole common room listened with bated breath.

 "Sir Cadogan, did you just let a man enter Gryffindor Tower?"

"Certainly, good lady!" cried Sir Cadogan. There was a stunned silence, both inside and outside the common room.

"You--... you did?" said Professor McGonagall. "But -- but the password!"

"He had 'em!" said Sir Cadogan proudly. "Had the whole week's, my lady! Read 'em off a little piece of paper!"

Minerva pulled herself back through the portrait hole to face the stunned crowd. She was white as chalk. "Which person," she said, her voice shaking, "which abysmally foolish person wrote down this week's passwords and left them lying around?"

There was utter silence, broken by the smallest of terrified squeaks. Neville Longbottom, trembling from head to fluffy slippered toes, raised his hand slowly into the air.

"Longbottom--" Minerva gritted her teeth, before turning away from him, facing the crowd. "Everyone stay here together! No one leaves until I myself tell you otherwise! Weasley, you are in charge. If anyone exits this room they will be expelled before they can even say Gryffindor. Remus, with me!" she ordered. Only being directly addressed by her made Remus snap out of his trance. He followed her fast-paced walk out of the common room, closing the portrait behind him. ("I only did my job, my lady!", "There is no reason to blame me!", "He had all the passwords, good Sir!")

"Remus, we both know it's true what Weasley's saying; Black has the right abilities to get into the castle. We know he was looking for Potter and he would have found him if Weasley hadn't screamed and alerted half the castle," Minerva said while the two of them were almost running down to the great hall. Remus decided to stay quiet. The right abilities? He had always suspected Minerva knew about all of them becoming animagi, but he was never sure. Even now.

"Sir Nicholas!" she called, making the Gryffindor ghost appear next to them, flying down the flights of stairs with them. 

"You called, Professor?" he hinted a bow. 

"Tell all ghost to alert all teachers. Don't make them gather in the Great Hall again, tell them to begin their search immediately, make them check everywhere, twice if necessary. Send Dumbledore down to me." Minerva ordered the ghost, who nodded sternly with each word.

"What's the emergency?" he asked, when they reached the end of the stairwell.

"Sirius Black is in the castle."

Minerva and Remus were waiting in front of doors to Great Hall for no longer than two minutes before the headmaster apparated a few feet to their left. Remus was anxiously tapping his foot the entire time. 

"Minerva; Remus," Dumbledore greeted them and walked over to them.

"Headmaster, what do we do? I ordered all staff to search the castle but it has been almost ten minutes since Black was spotted, he could have exited the grounds already!" said Professor McGonagall.

"We will discuss this in my office, we have to ensure the safety of the students and we, unfortunately, have to inform the ministry," Dumbledore said calmly. "Follow me."

"I will help the rest of the teachers search the castle and the grounds, if you would excuse me," Remus said when the other two were starting to walk away. 

"Actually, Remus, I would prefer it if you accompanied us, if you don't mind," Minerva held him back. Remus looked at her, raising an eyebrow suspiciously. Then he looked at Dumbledore, who was studying him over his half-moon shaped glasses. 

"The more people searching for Black the better, we have an actual chance of finding him now, so any wasted time could be crucial. Is it not in everyone's favour if we find him tonight?" Remus asked as all three of them made their way up to the headmaster's office.

"Listen, Remus... I would feel better if I knew where you are tonight. It's for your own good." 

"Wait a second." Remus stopped dead in his tracks. "You think I helped him inside the castle, don't you? Because I was there tonight, in front of the common room. And at the Halloween feast. You really believe that." He stared at the headmaster and Professor McGonagall.

"No, of course not. I trust you--" she began, but Remus was not done yet.

"You trust me? Then let me look for him-- please. I need this to be over. Everyone assumes I let him into the castle anyway. I can't believe you would deem those rumours to be true. It's fair that anyone with merely superficial knowledge would presume such a thing, but Professors, I thought you were above that." Remus' voice was shaking a lot more than he wanted to admit. But his intonation now went darker, untouched by any emotions. "This man has ruined my life; he killed the entirety of my family and made an orphan of the boy who was more or less a nephew to me. He is a sentenced murderer of sixteen in total and I am accused to have helped him break into a place I call home to murder that exact same boy. With all due respect, you are clearly out of your mind. There is--"

"For Merlin's sake, Remus!" Professor McGonagall interrupted him. "I am fearing for your life, is all!" Her voice was stern, but friendly at the same time. She was understanding and kind, but that didn't stop her from showing her disapproval.

Remus stared at her dumbfounded. Fearing for his life? All he was fearing for was his sanity at this point, to be honest.

"Fearing for my life?" he voiced his question.

"Let us discuss this in my office," Dumbledore said and his tone let Remus know that there was no way he was getting out of this. 

So the teachers walked in silence, up the staircases until they reached the headmaster's office. After declaring the password, Dumbledore let them inside and sat down at his desk. Minerva also took a seat. They both turned to Remus, who decided to stand leaned against a closet, his eyes darting around the room; he had been in the perfectly round office many times before, so nothing was new to him. Only the Phoenix was in constant transition; it was rather small and young at the moment.

"So, fearing for my life?" Remus repeated. He was calmer now, more collected. The staff wouldn't find Sirius tonight, he knew that much. For some reason, knowing that he hadn't had to face the situation just yet calmed him down, but at the same time, he didn't know where he was hiding, which made him more anxious. He was out to kill Harry, he proved that much tonight. Remus couldn't believe it, but he had to.

"Has it never occurred to you before?" Dumbledore asked, genuinely curious. There was something in his face that was so familiar to Remus, yet he couldn't place a finger on it.

"What exactly, headmaster?" he asked, folding his arms.

"That Sirius might primarily be after Harry, but when you came his way, he would not stop to think before killing you? Or that he might even go out of his own way to kill you?" Dumbledore studied Remus again, his every move and reaction. He hated it. Remus took a moment to think about what to respond.

"What makes you think that? Black would not stop to think before killing anyone, he has proven so many times. I am no different to anyone else," said Remus. He couldn't use Sirius' name so carelessly around other people like Dumbledore, who always used everyone's first name, but Remus was afraid that it would feel like talking about a friend. He preferred using it in his mind, where no one could see his reaction to it.

"That is one way to approach it, I assume..." Dumbledore said thoughtfully. "But he has sought out Peter Pettigrew and you know how Lily and James-"

"Yes, I know about Lily and James, thank you," Remus cut him off, his hands trembling. "And while your concern is flattering, I think Black has better things to do than going after me. He has had countless opportunities to kill me over the years when we were at Hogwarts, or when we lived together afterwards. Or when we went into hiding after that. If everything really went the way the official report puts it, he must've been working for Voldemort for a longer period of time and I remember his face very clearly the night before Halloween '81 where he looked at me with hope and caution when he came home. That must have been the day he passed the information on their location to the Death Eaters and Voldemort. I was there the entire night and I was sleeping right by his side, so, Professor, I can absolutely assure you, if he wanted to kill me there were enough opportunities."

There was a stunned silence in the room as Dumbledore leaned back in his chair and he and Professor McGonagall exchanged pitiful glances. Remus had turned away to hide his face. Trying to recollect himself, he looked out of one of the giant windows up to what was almost a perfect half-moon. 

Even though his heart was still beating, he sometimes felt like everything Sirius had done killed him anyway.  

17.THE GRUDGE

No one in Gryffindor Tower slept that night. They knew that the castle was being searched again, and the whole House stayed awake in the common room, waiting to hear whether Black had been caught. Professor McGonagall came back at dawn, without Professor Lupin this time, to tell them that he had again escaped.

Throughout the day, everywhere they went they saw signs of tighter security; Professor Flitwick could be seen teaching the front doors to recognize a large picture of Sirius Black; Filch was suddenly bustling up and down the corridors, boarding up everything from tiny cracks in the walls to mouse holes. Sir Cadogan had been fired. His portrait had been taken back to its lonely landing on the seventh floor, and the Fat Lady was back. She had been expertly restored, but was still extremely nervous, and had agreed to return to her job only on condition that she was given extra protection. A bunch of surly security trolls had been hired to guard her. They paced the corridor in a menacing group, talking in grunts and comparing the size of their clubs.

Remus couldn't help noticing that the statue of the one-eyed witch on the third floor remained unguarded and unblocked. It seemed that he had been right in thinking that he and his friends were the only ones who knew about the hidden passageway within it. So now it was just him and Sirius. Remus reckoned he should tell someone, but he knew Sirius was not coming in through Honeyduke's, he'd've heard if the shop had been broken into, even if Sirius used his disguise as a big, black dog, he would have had to break in one way or another. If he admitted to knowing the one-eyed witch's passage, he would get in a lot of trouble and suspicion for not admitting to it earlier. So once again, he gave Sirius an advantage by being too cowardly to own up to his mistakes. Saving his own weak, anxious, cowardly skin. Sometimes he doubted himself being Gryffindor.

Ron Weasley had become an instant celebrity overnight. People were paying immense attention to him, and it was clear that Ron was rather enjoying the experience. Though still severely shaken by the night's events, he was happy to tell anyone who asked what had happened, with a wealth of detail. Remus overheard it more than twice when walking through the corridors.

"... I was asleep, and I heard this ripping noise, and I thought it was in my dream, you know? But then there was this draft... I woke up and one side of the hangings on my bed had been pulled down... I rolled over... and I saw him standing over me... like a skeleton, with loads of filthy hair ... holding this great long knife, must've been twelve inches... and he looked at me, and I looked at him, and then I yelled, and he scampered."

"Why, though?" Ron added to Harry as the group of second-year girls who had been listening to his chilling tale departed. "Why did he run?"

Remus knew a lot of people had been wondering the same thing. Why had Black, having got the wrong bed, not silenced Ron and proceeded to Harry? Sirius had proven twelve years ago that he didn't mind murdering innocent people, and this time he had been facing five unarmed boys, four of whom were asleep. "He must've known he'd have a job getting back out of the castle once you'd yelled and woken people up," said Harry thoughtfully. "He'd've had to kill the whole House to get back through the portrait hole... then he would've met the teachers...."

Neville was in total disgrace. Professor McGonagall was so furious with him she had banned him from all future Hogsmeade visits, given him a detention, and forbidden anyone to give him the password into the tower. Poor Neville was forced to wait outside the common room every night for somebody to let him in, while the security trolls leered unpleasantly at him. None of these punishments, however, came close to matching the one his grandmother had in store for him. Two days after Sirius's break-in, she sent Neville the very worst thing a Hogwarts student could receive over breakfast -- a Howler.

The school owls swooped into the Great Hall carrying the mail as usual, and Neville choked as a huge barn owl landed in front of him, a scarlet envelope clutched in its beak. Remus, looking over from the teacher's table recognized the letter as a Howler at once -- back when he was at Hogwarts his friends had gotten plenty of them in their seven years.

"Run for it, Neville," Ron Weasley advised, who was sitting opposite from him. Next to him sat Harry, shaking his head.

Neville didn't need telling twice. He seized the envelope, and holding it before him like a bomb, sprinted out of the hall, while the Slytherin table exploded with laughter at the sight of him. They heard the Howler go off in the entrance hall -- Neville's grandmother's voice, magically magnified to a hundred times its usual volume, shrieking about how he had brought shame on the whole family.

The whole week Sirius Black was the only topic of conversation in the corridors, in the classrooms, during the breaks and during all meals. Remus reckoned he had grown accustomed to the constant shadow of his former friend following him. With all the new security and fear going around, Remus had also come to term with himself and his feelings. What he had been believing all this time, that there was something missing that would clear up the situation, was a mere glimmer of hope that the man he had loved in the past wasn't gone; and a foolish hope it had been. Sirius Black had brought terror to the castle and Remus knew that this was really not the same Sirius he once knew. This was Black, this was a murderer who would backstab anyone for his own benefit. Remus did his best to acknowledge that.

This Saturday was a Hogsmeade weekend that everyone was looking forward to, just to get out of the castle and breathe fresh air. Almost all students were gone, except of course for first and second years. And Neville Longbottom.

Remus for one decided to stay in the castle. Not that he had had a choice. Minerva had "advised" him to stay in the castle, "for safety reasons". So basically, he was not allowed to go. Because they thought Sirius might jump him from behind a bush if he left his office. Like that was going to happen.

All afternoon he was kept busy grading students' homework. It was a rather uneventful day, until an angry voice shouted out of his fireplace, lighting the flames green and scaring the hell out of Remus.

"Lupin!" Snape called out of the fire. "I want a word!"

Remus got up immediately and seconds later, he was clambering out of the fireplace in the dungeon, brushing ash off his shabby robes.

"You called, Severus?" said Lupin mildly.

"I certainly did," said Snape, his face contorted with fury as he strode back to his desk. "I have just asked Potter to empty his pockets. He was carrying this."

Snape pointed at a parchment on his desk. Getting a closer look, Remus was able to recognize his own handwriting on the front; the insulting words of Messrs Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs were shining there as if written seconds ago. He silently congratulated himself for having his expression under control. This was their map! The Marauders Map. Unbelievable.

"Well?" said Snape. Remus continued to stare at the map, he had to do some very quick thinking right then.

"Well?" said Snape again. "This parchment is plainly full of Dark Magic. This is supposed to be your area of expertise, Lupin. Where do you imagine Potter got such a thing?"

Remus looked up and, by the merest half-glance in Harry's direction, warned him not to interrupt and he knew that the student understood perfectly.

"Full of Dark Magic?" he repeated mildly. "Do you really think so, Severus? It looks to me as though it is merely a piece of parchment that insults anybody who reads it. Childish, but surely not dangerous? I imagine Harry got it from a joke shop --"

"Indeed?" said Snape. His jaw had gone rigid with anger. "You think a joke shop could supply him with such a thing? You don't think it more likely that he got it directly from the manufacturers?"

Remus' breath got caught in his throat, but he made an effort to look confused. He knew that Snape knew, and Snape knew that he knew that he knew. Both of them were perfectly aware who the Marauders were and that this was not an article from a joke shop.

"You mean, by Mr Wormtail or one of these people?" he said. "Harry, do you know any of these men?"

"No," said Harry quickly.

"You see, Severus?" said Remus, turning back to Snape. "It looks like a Zonko product to me --"

Right on cue, Ron came bursting into the office. He was completely out of breath, and stopped just short of Snape's desk, clutching the stitch in his chest and trying to speak.

"I -- gave -- Harry -- that -- stuff," he choked. "Bought -- it... in Zonko's... ages -- ago..."

"Well!" said Lupin, clapping his hands together and looking around cheerfully. "That seems to clear that up! Severus, I'll take this back, shall I?" He folded the map and tucked it inside his robes. "Harry, Ron, come with me, I need a word about my vampire essay -- excuse us, Severus."

None of them dared to look at Snape as they left his office. Harry, Ron, and Lupin walked all the way back into the entrance hall before speaking. Then Harry turned to face Remus.

"Professor, I --"

"I don't want to hear explanations," he said shortly. He glanced around the empty entrance hall and lowered his voice. "I happen to know that this map was confiscated by Mr Filch many years ago. Yes, I know it's a map," he said as Harry and Ron looked amazed. "I don't want to know how it fell into your possession. I am, however, astounded that you didn't hand it in. Particularly after what happened the last time a student left information about the castle lying around. And I can't let you have it back, Harry."

Harry didn't look shocked, nor did he protest. "Why did Snape think I'd got it from the manufacturers?" he asked curiously.

"Because...," Remus hesitated, "because these mapmakers would have wanted to lure you out of school. They'd think it extremely entertaining." It was no lie. James, Peter, Sirius and Remus would have been thrilled to know people were getting into trouble through their map.

"Do you know them?" said Harry, impressed.

"We've met," he said shortly. He was looking at Harry seriously.

"Don't expect me to cover up for you again, Harry. I cannot make you take Sirius Black seriously. But I would have thought that what you have heard when the dementors draw near you would have had more of an effect on you. Your parents gave their lives to keep you alive, Harry. A poor way to repay them -- gambling their sacrifice for a bag of magic tricks." Remus walked away, probably leaving Harry feeling worse by far than he had at any point in Snape's office.

He was one to talk, not having taken Sirius Black seriously himself a week ago. Remus knew it was harsh, and it hurt him to say it, but it would do the job of keeping Harry inside the castle. If it helped to keep him safe, he had to live with that.

Harry was better off feeling guilty than being dead, after all.

18.THE MAP

Back in his office, Remus locked the door and slammed the piece of parchment on his desk. His head was completely empty, there were no thoughts, just action. He sat down and got out his wand. After taking a deep breath, he spoke loudly and clearly.

"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." 

He tapped the parchment with his wand and from the point where he had touched it, thin ink lines began to spread like a spider's web at once. They joined each other, they crisscrossed, they fanned into every corner of the parchment; then words began to blossom across the top, great, curly green words, that proclaimed: 

Messrs Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs 

Purveyors of Aids to Magical Mischief-Makers 
are proud to present 
THE MARAUDER'S MAP

The ink spread until the map showed every detail of the Hogwarts castle and grounds. But the truly remarkable thing was the tiny ink dots moving around it, each labelled with a name in minuscule writing. A labelled dot in the top left corner showed that Professor Dumbledore was pacing his study; the caretaker's cat, Mrs Norris, was prowling the second floor, and Peeves the poltergeist was currently bouncing around the trophy room. And as Remus' eyes travelled up and down the familiar corridors, an inexplicable feeling of satisfaction overcame him. 

He couldn't believe this map had survived the times. It had been made many years ago, they had been in their fifth year at Hogwarts. After a night of wandering around the grounds, James had turned to them in their dorm and simply said, "I don't think anyone has ever discovered as much about the castle as we have, lads. We should write it down somewhere, don't you think?" And thus the idea was born. Peter had suggested it to be a map rather than a book, Sirius said to mark everyone in the castle on the map with the Homonculous Charm. It had been a hell of a lot of work. Since Remus' three friends had become unregistered Animagi, they had explored the grounds by night undetected. The interior was easily mapped out over time with James' invisibility cloak. It had been on Remus to put it all down. The magic used in the map's creation was very advanced and impressive and had cost him more time and effort than any school work he had done over the years.

And now, more than fifteen years later, it was laying right in front of him. Remus searched the staircase for the little black dot with the name Harry Potter; he found it next to one named Ronald Weasley. The two moved towards the Gryffindor common room, in front of which he saw Hermione Granger waiting. They stood together for a while and Remus looked to different parts on the map. For some reason, he decided to search the grounds to the very limits of the map-- not that he was really expecting to find anything worthwhile.

Remus had expected looking through the map would hurt more than it did. This was the legacy of four friends that had thought nothing could ever bring them down. Yet it didn't hurt. 

Sighing, he covered his hands with his face and rubbed his eyes in exasperation. Since he had accepted Sirius to be who people had been telling him he was for the last twelve years, it was easier to divide him from the old version of himself that Remus had known. And in acknowledging that he was a murderer on the run with no correlation with a certain Professor Lupin, he found peace-- or at least strength to move on. Sirius Black was evil and dangerous and had to be treated as such, no matter Padfoot.

The Easter Holidays approached and the incident in the dormitories of the Gryffindor third years seemed to be forgotten entirely. Almost everyone decided to stay in school during the holidays, as the teacher's had begun to give more and more homework to prepare for the finals. "Call this a holiday! The exams are ages away, what're they playing at?" was to be heard in the library and in the corridors around the school everytime someone started on a new essay or had a nervous breakdown, which happened on a regular basis especially in the fifth year, as the students were taking their O.W.L.s (Ordinary Wizarding Levels) or the older students taking their N.E.W.T.s (Nastily Exhausting Wizarding Tests). "By Merlin, I just want a handful of O.W.L.s and be done with it!" cried a girl from Ravenclaw in the corridor in front of the DaDA classroom, making the professor laugh quietly. He had heard something similar before.

Remus had to start thinking about what to set for the final exam for each year. It was a lot more back and forth than he had ever expected. Deciding what was fair and what too hard for each year. What would have to be completed for which mark? It was time-consuming, to say the least, but he didn't mind. He loved teaching more than he had ever imagined he would.

His transformation that month was less irritating than any he had ever experienced before. No symptoms kicked in, not even the very night before the full moon. Sitting cross-legged on the floor of his study, he didn't feel any pain as his body grew and twisted itself until he was standing upright as a fully grown wolf. He managed to not scratch himself at all and no furniture was destroyed the slightest. Instead, he curled up in front of the fireplace and thought. Clear, rational thoughts; thoughts that were actually his. 

With his heavily increased hearing, he noticed footsteps outside his study quite a few times that night. Usually, he would be loudly tearing apart furniture, so that was the first time he heard that. As he was able to think clearly, he knew it must have been his fellow teachers, patrolling the corridors to ensure he was inside his office. They had never told them they did this, but then again, it was a foreseeable precaution that he should have known they would take. Every time someone stopped in front of his door to listen, he would scratch the floorboard in front of him, so the teacher in the corridor would know he was there. Even though he was calm, he did not want anybody bursting in there, thinking he had gone; that was more than he could handle for sure. After all, he was still a werewolf.

Before the end of that night, something happened that would amaze Remus until his dying day. He was so comfortable and peaceful, he fell asleep as the wolf. That had never happened before. He was always furious and in pain and alert for danger. But right then and there, he dove off to sleep.

So the next morning, his colleagues were astonished to see him walking into the staff room at eleven o'clock, smiling and wishing everyone a good morning as cheerful as ever. 

"Remus! It's good to see you, how was your night?" asked Professor Sinistra, studying his face curiously, but friendly.

"More pleasant than you would expect, thank you very much, Aurora. Yours too, hopefully?" he grinned happily, seeing many teachers shake their heads at him and return to their work, all having a small smile on their lips. He took a seat between Aurora and Minerva, placing the essays he had brought on the table in front of him. 

"Yes, very much so. Thanks for asking," she smiled widely at him before both of them returned to their respective papers.

And that was how Remus passed his first week of the holidays. Working on his plans for the finals, grading essays and talking with his colleagues. In the evening, he would sometimes unfold the marauders' map and search for Harry Potter, but he didn't set a foot out of line. Most of his time was spent in the crowded common room and on the Quidditch pitch. Sometimes he saw Hagrid picking up Harry, Ron and Hermione and walking with them down to his hut on the grounds. 

That was when Remus would search the forbidden forest and allow himself to think about Sirius Black. It was easy to treat him as a criminal now. It had become easy to hate him, easy to forget about him when he had to concentrate, easy to move on. There were no mixed feelings anymore, no confusion; everything was clear to him. And he was so, so glad about that.

On a Tuesday evening, Remus once again had extended the Marauders' Map across his desk. "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good," he spoke, tapping the map with his wand. 

At first, he searched for Harry Potter again. In the Gryffindor common room, he found Hermione and Ron next to each other in a corner in front of two giant tables, but Harry was nowhere to be seen. The dormitories were empty as well, and on the Quidditch field was the Slytherin team. In the library was Madame Pince, and various students, but none of them was Harry.

A flutter of worry was starting to make its way into Remus' gut, increasing with every empty corridor. After a few heartbeats that felt ridiculously long to him, he found the student in an unused classroom on the third floor. He let out a breath of relief.

"Mischief managed," he said and the map cleared itself to an old piece of parchment. He tucked it inside his robes and left his office. 

It was rather easy to find the classroom after having seen it on the map, but he had never actively noticed it before. He doubted it was a place where many students naturally went.

Remus slowly opened the door and slipped into the room. There sat Harry, crossed-legged on one of the desks in the front row, staring at the floor. The teacher knocked on the door frame twice, trying to catch his attention. Startled, Harry spun around and almost fell off the table. 

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you, Harry." Remus smiled and gestured to the desk opposite Harry. "May I?"

"Sure," said Harry awkwardly, sitting up straight again, his hands flickering with his wand absentmindedly as Remus sat on the desk in front of him. 

"So, what brings you here?" the teacher asked, smiling at him.

"Escaping Oliver Wood and his endless discussions of tactics for the match on Saturday after the holidays." Harry sighed. "Everyone needs us to win, it would be the first time in ages."

"I for one have full confidence in the team, no one is expecting anything impossible. The cup is basically yours," Remus argued. The student just shrugged.

"Only if I catch the snitch when we are fifty or more points ahead, as Wood likes to remind me every five minutes." His expression mirrored his resentment. Remus smiled sadly.

"I saw you play last time, and you're a brilliant player Harry. If someone can win the cup, it's this year's team. The last time Gryffindor won the cup was when Charlie Weasley was the seeker, and you're just as good a player," he said and pondered for a moment. "I remember when your father won the cup for Gryffindor for the first time; it was quite the performance." He laughed quietly at the memory.

Harry looked up at him, seemingly torn back and force between asking more questions and overstepping his boundaries. Last time when he had asked him about Sirius Black, Remus remembered having reacted quite negatively.

"We were in our third year as well," Remus recounted. "They hadn't managed it the year before. He was determined to win the cup that year. When the final match started against Ravenclaw and the snitch was released, James had lost sight of it completely for a whole half hour, but so had the other Seeker. When Ravenclaw was in the lead by at least Sixy to Ten, if not more, the team had almost given up already when Gryffindor was awarded five penalties because of whatever the Ravenclaw team had done to our keeper and we scored every single one. Right when the team had their hopes up again, James noticed that the snitch had left the stadium. Of course, he went after it and when he was out of sight, the very same Madam Hooch had decided that James and the entire team should be disqualified because he had left the pitch. And you know what your father did?"

Harry shook his head, following the story attentively. "What did he do?"

"He followed the snitch all the way over to the lake, where he caught up to it, but when he reached out to it, he fell in the lake." Remus laughed. 

"Did he get it though? You said they won the cup. Was there a rematch?" Harry asked.

"He got it indeed, right before he lost his balance and fell in the lake. The giant squid threw him onto the land again and he ran all the way back to the stadium with the snitch clutched in his hand. They won the cup two hundred ten to sixty." Harry and Remus were both grinning. The teacher shrugged and said. "In six years of playing Quidditch at Hogwarts, he won the cup for his team four times."

They stayed quiet for a bit, both lost in their own thoughts. Remus felt weird, knowing he was talking to Harry about James so carelessly. No one really mentioned his parents around him, he had noticed that before. But Harry was so clearly enjoying hearing about them, why were other people so careful with information about them?

"Professor?" he asked. "How did you know I was here?"

"Harry, you know how I knew, you just want me to confirm it to you," Remus deduced from his expression and couldn't help but smile to himself.

"So, you used the map," said Harry, answering his own question. "Why do you know how to use it? You said the other day that you knew the manufacturers, who were they, sir?" 

"That's a long story and it's getting late. We don't want to get in trouble, do we?" Remus stood up. He knew he couldn't tell the boy that. Not yet anyway. 

"Right." Harry stood up and they walked to the door. "Thank you, Professor Lupin."

"For what exactly?" Remus asked cheerfully.

"It's just... people tend to avoid my dad a lot when talking to me, and my mum too. I think they believe I can't handle it," he admitted, saying what Remus hab been thinking just a few minutes before.

"Lily and James didn't die to be avoided. Remembering them is all we can do, Harry."

19.THE FINALE

Never, in anyone's memory, had a match approached in such a highly charged atmosphere. By the time the holidays were over, the tension between the two teams and their Houses was at the breaking point. A number of small scuffles broke out in the corridors, culminating in a nasty incident in which a Gryffindor fourth year and a Slytherin sixth year ended up in the hospital wing with leeks sprouting out of their ears.

Harry was having a particularly bad time of it. He couldn't walk to class without Slytherins sticking out their legs and trying to trip him up; Crabbe and Goyle kept popping up wherever he went and slouching away looking disappointed when they saw him surrounded by people. Wood had given instructions that Harry should be accompanied everywhere he went, in case the Slytherins tried to put him out of action. The whole of Gryffindor House took up the challenge enthusiastically, so that it was impossible for Harry to get to classes on time because he was surrounded by a vast, chattering crowd.

Given the circumstances, Remus was having a hard time trying to talk to Harry, since the boy was always preoccupied. It became worse and worse, so Remus just gave up and decided to wait until after the match. He really hoped they would win; once Gryffindor, always Gryffindor.

On the match day, Harry and the rest of the Gryffindor team entered the Great Hall to enormous applause. They were all grinning broadly as they saw that both the Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff tables were applauding them too. When Harry looked up at the teachers' table, Remus smiled at him and clapped inconspicuously.

When the school spilt out of the castle onto grounds Remus was trailing behind with the rest of the teachers. They walked to the stands and got up on their usual one, Remus chose to sit up front again. It was an incredible view. Three-quarters of the crowd were wearing scarlet rosettes, waving scarlet flags with the Gryffindor lion upon them, or brandishing banners with slogans like "GO GRYFFINDOR!" and "LIONS FOR THE CUP' Behind the Slytherin goal posts, however, two hundred people were wearing green; the silver serpent of Slytherin glittered on their flags, and Professor Snape sat in the very front row, wearing green like everyone else, and a very grim smile. Minerva didn't sit with the Gryffindors, she took her place next to the commentator Lee Jordan.

"And here are the Gryffindors!" yelled Lee Jordan, as the team walked onto the field. "Potter, Bell, Johnson, Spinnet, Weasley, Weasley, and Wood. Widely acknowledged as the best team Hogwarts has seen in a good few years --" Lee's comments were drowned by a tide of "boos" from the Slytherin end.

"And here come the Slytherin team, led by Captain Flint. He's Made some changes in the lineup and seems to be going for size rather than skill--" More boos from the Slytherin crowd. Remus, however, thought Lee had a point. Draco Malfoy was easily the smallest person on the Slytherin team; the rest of them were enormous.

"Captains, shake hands!" said Madam Hooch. Flint and Wood approached each other and grasped each other's hand very tightly; it looked as though each was trying to break the other's fingers.

"Mount your brooms!" said Madam Hooch. "Three... two... one..." The sound of her whistle was lost in the roar of the crowd as fourteen brooms rose into the air.

Gryffindor scored almost immediately, beginning the most glorious game of Quidditch in a long time.

And quite the match it was. It was quickly turning into the dirtiest game most of the students had ever witnessed at Hogwarts. Enraged that Gryffindor had taken such an early lead, the Slytherins were rapidly resorting to any means to take the Quaffle. Madam Hooch awarded both teams penalties regularly. The crowd was on the edge of their seat at all times. Remus prayed for Gryffindor more and more. It would be such a disappointment to Harry if he didn't win this, and Remus knew that.

When Marcus Flint scored; there was an eruption of cheers from the Slytherin end, and Lee swore so badly that Professor McGonagall tried to tug the magical megaphone away from him. Remus was anxiously jumping up and down in his seat. Then Katie Bell scored for Gryffindor and it was fifty to ten. They had to be in the lead by sixty before Harry could catch the snitch, otherwise, they wouldn't win.

Remus watched Harry circle above the pitch, waiting. Malfoy was keeping close to him at all times. 

"Gryffindor penalty!" roared Madam Hooch again. And Angelina Johnson scored. Sixty-ten. Moments later, Fred Weasley pelted a Bludger at Warrington, knocking the Quaffle Out of his hands; Alicia Spinnet seized it and put it through the Slytherin goal -- seventy-ten.

The Gryffindor crowd below was screaming itself hoarse -- Gryffindor was sixty points in the lead, and if Harry caught the Snitch now, the Cup was theirs. Hundreds of eyes were following Harry as he soared around the field, high above the rest of the game, with Malfoy speeding along behind him.

Suddenly, Harry put on a huge burst of speed. The crowd screamed as he stretched out his hand, but suddenly, the Firebolt was slowing down -- Horrified, he looked around. Malfoy had thrown himself forward, grabbed hold of the Firebolt's tail, and was pulling it back.

"Penalty! Penalty to Gryffindor! I've never seen such tactics." Madam Hooch screeched, shooting up to where Malfoy was sliding back onto his broom.

"YOU CHEATING SCUM!" Lee Jordan was howling into the megaphone, dancing out of Professor McGonagall's reach. "YOU FILTHY, CHEATING B--"

Minerva didn't even bother to tell him off, she was actually shaking her finger in Malfoys direction, her hat had fallen off, and she too was shouting furiously. Remus was enraged, but stayed in his seat and observed. He needed Gryffindor to win this. He hadn't felt emotion like this in ages. The air became more and more desperate. 

Then, every single Slytherin player apart from Malfoy was streaking up the pitch toward Angelina Johnson, including the Slytherin Keeper-- they were all going to block her -- the crowd held their breath as Harry wheeled the Firebolt around, bent so low he was lying flat along the handle and kicked it forward. Like a bullet, he shot toward the Slytherins.

"AAAAAAARRRGH!" They scattered as the Firebolt zoomed toward them; Angelina's Way was clear.

"SHE SCORES! SHE SCORES! Gryffindor leads by eighty Points to twenty!" 

Harry, who had almost pelted headlong into the stands, skidded to a halt in midair, reversed, and zoomed back into the middle of the field. 

Just then Remus saw something to make his heart stand still. Malfoy was diving, a look of triumph on his face -- there, a few feet above the grass below, was a tiny, golden glimmer; Harry was ages away, but then he noticed too and sped towards Malfoy.

He was gaining on Malfoy -- Harry flattened himself to the broom handle as Bole sent a Bludger at him -- he was at Malfoy's ankles -- he was level -- Harry threw himself forward, took both hands off his broom. He knocked Malfoy's arm out of the way and --

"YES!" He pulled out of his dive, his hand in the air, and the stadium exploded. Harry soared above the crowd, an odd ringing in his ears. The tiny golden ball was held tight in his fist, beating its wings hopelessly against his fingers.

Then Wood was speeding toward him, half-blinded by tears; he seized Harry around the neck and sobbed unrestrainedly into his shoulder. "We've won the Cup! We've won the Cup!" Tangled together in a many-armed hug, the Gryffindor team sank, yelling hoarsely, back to earth.

Wave upon wave of crimson supporters was pouring over the barriers onto the field. Hands were raining down on their backs. Harry must have had a confused impression of noise and bodies pressing in on him. Then he, and the rest of the team were hoisted onto the shoulders of the crowd. 

Remus smiled and had to wipe away one or two tears as well, as he looked up at Harry with pride. Grinning from ear to ear, he had one arm around Professor McGonagall's shoulders comfortingly, as was sobbing harder even than Wood, wiping her eyes with an enormous Gryffindor flag; and there, fighting their way toward Harry, were Ron and Hermione. Words failed them. They simply beamed as Harry was borne toward the stands, where Dumbledore stood waiting with the enormous Quidditch Cup.

If only there had been a dementor around... A sobbing Wood passed Harry the Cup and as he lifted it into the air, Remus had the feeling that Harry could have produced the world's best Patronus.

20.THE WOLF

The following week and a half the Quidditch Cup was all everyone talked about. It had been a spectacular match, so no one complained. The members of the Gryffindor team were getting stopped in the hallways a lot so people could congratulate them and thank them enthusiastically.  

In the staff room, the match was discussed just as much. Severus had not been seen three days in a row before he could be seen in his usual seat, glaring at everything and everyone.

Soon, all of that died down though, because the teachers began preparing their classes for everything that would be part of the exams. There was a change of atmosphere in the castle. The revision began and students were getting more stressed. It was quieter.

That was when Remus finally had the chance to talk to Harry.  

Remus was in the library, searching for some books on Transfiguration that Minerva had asked him to get. She was even busier than he was, even though each teacher had the same amount of students; he had gladly accepted to help her either way. So as he was walking through the aisle between the shelves, he studied the spine of every book, reading the golden lettering to determine whether it was what he was searching for. When he finally found the three very specific books, he made his way to the front of the library again. He chatted with Madam Pince for a moment, before he turned around walked straight into a student.

"By Merlin! I am so sorry, Professor Lupin! I wasn't paying attention, sir, sorry!" Hermione Granger was stumbling over her own words, trying to recollect all six books she dropped.

"It was my fault, Hermione. Don't worry, no harm done," he smiled, picking up four of her books. They were all different books about runes and Arithmancy, each had thousands of pages. "Where is your table? I'll help you carry these over." 

"Oh no, that's not necessary, sir! I'm just fine!" she said, clearly stressed out. Remus shook his head and gestured for her to lead the way. He followed her over to a table at the window, where Ron Weasley and Harry Potter were also sitting, their heads buried in books.

"There you go," smiled Remus, heaving her four books in the middle of the table. He held the three he had picked up for Minerva pressed to his side with one arm.

"Thank you, sir, really!" she said, sitting down in the middle of parchment and books.

"Of course, after I have overlooked you so rudely." There was a moment of silence as Remus studied the books on the table. Ron was sitting in front of a stack of literature about Hypogriffs. The teacher knew that that was not part of the Care of Magical Creatures exams that Hagrid had planned.

"We're trying to help Hagrid with his case, sir. You've probably heard," said Ron who noticed the questioning gaze.

"Right, yes. I've heard," said Remus. Hagrid had told him months ago, but he had forgotten entirely. "Best of luck to each of you. Enjoy your work." 

After that, Remus left and brought Professor McGonagall the books to her office. Then he sat in the teacher's room for the rest of the day. It was silent except for occasional tutting and the sound of parchment ruffling and pages turning.

There was a sudden knock on the door, disturbing the peace. Professor Sprout, being closest to the door, got up and answered it. 

"Good evening, Professor. Is Professor Lupin in there? He wasn't in his office," said a familiar voice. Remus got up and went after Professor Sprout. He leaned against the doorframe.

"Good evening, Harry. How can I help you?" he asked.  Harry glanced into the room behind him, seeing all the teachers.

"I was-- uh, revising, sir. I was revising, and I've come across something that doesn't quite add up," said Harry. Remus raised an eyebrow, suspecting a lie-- or at least, a half-truth. 

"Yes, of course. If you would wait for a moment, then we'll discuss this in my office," Remus told him and went inside to collect his quill, his students' homework and his book before returning outside and closing the door behind them.

"So, this is not about the exams, I assume?" Remus asked, looking curiously at Harry as they were walking down the corridors to the teacher's office.

"No, sir. Well, I was revising, but I was reading up on patronuses and I was practising-- without a dementor of course-- and I just don't understand why it doesn't work."

"Why what doesn't work, exactly?" he asked as he opened up the door leading to the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom and to his office. Harry sat cross-legged on the chair in front of Lupin's desk. 

"I read that after practising the patronus charm for a longer period of time and finding a memory that works really well, the patronus becomes corporeal and I tried a lot, even after we stopped our lessons. It still doesn't work," Harry admitted dejectedly.

Remus nodded slowly. He should have known. Of course the boy was never giving up on something like that. It was understandable.

"Some people-- very experienced wizards who have fought using the patronus charm many times-- don't have a corporeal shape, but the charm works just as well," Remus explained. "It doesn't mean just because your patronus is the shape of a giant bear that it works any better than a butterfly would; you could argue that it looks less impressive, but imagine a horde of dementors slain by a butterfly, that would be quite a sight." They both laughed at that. "And the mist works just the same. You've seen it." There was a moment of silence.

"How do you know whether you have a corporeal patronus or not? And how is it decided which shape the corporeal patronus takes?" Harry asked curiously.

"Well, every wizard has their own patronus, sometimes depending on things like strength and determination, loyalty, whether you value power or freedom, whether you choose by heart or not. Patronuses can also be passed down in families. They can change as you do, through love and loss. And sometimes they have nothing to do with your personality, behaviour or decisions. At least that's what they told me when I complained about mine," Remus smiled at Harry reassuringly. 

"What's your patronus?" Harry asked obviously. Remus wondered whether he could tell him. If anyone found out about his lycanthropy, he would be in serious trouble and his job would be over quicker than he could even say werewolf. But he trusted Harry not to go around gossiping about anything Remus would ever say to him.

"Watch," Remus said and withdrew his wand from the inside of his cloak. He held it in front of his face as he thought. A strong memory... he decided on the day, where James, Peter, Sirius and he had finally managed to transform with him in the Shrieking Shack to keep him company the entire night. That had been a good day.

"Expecto Patronum," he spoke clearly, and a white and silver fog came out of his wand and sunk to the floor. A second later, a wolf stood there, shining and glistering in the light of the sinking sun outside.

"That is so cool, Professor," said Harry, staring at the animal with wide eyes and a smile. He was amazed. Remus laughed, making the wolf light up brightly for a moment. They watched as the wolf lazily walk around the room and sat down in front of them, looking up at Harry.

"Thank you, Harry," said Remus. When the student slowly stretched his hand out to touch it, the wolf vanished like he had been swatted away; only mist remained.

"I think it's amazing. Why don't you like it? You said you complained about it," Harry recalled, studying his hand after having touched the patronus.

"It's mocking me," Remus answered plainly. Harry's confused expression asked him to elaborate, but he took a second to think. He leaned his elbows on the desk. "I don't like it for many reasons. In old native American wizardry, hundreds of years ago, they defined what the wolf means as a spirit animal. For example, a deep connection with your intuition and instincts. And it reflects sharp intelligence and dealing with important matters. On the negative side, the wolf could represent a perceived threat or a lack of trust in someone or your own feelings or actions. Which in my case is fairly just mocking me." 

Remus turned to look at the sunset. A lack of trust in someone or oneself. He didn't trust himself one bit, he had trusted the wrong people in the past and had a hard time trusting new people in the present. Trust was clearly not one of his areas of expertise.

"I wish the security guards would let me outside literally ever if not for a class or with Hagrid. I don't even have Quidditch anymore now that the season is over," sighed Harry, now also looking at the sunset reflecting on the giant lake.

"Trust me, it's better you stay inside until the Ministry has the situation under control," said Remus lightheartedly.

"Professor, can't you like, give me a permit or something? You're a teacher," Harry asked, but judging by his tone he didn't really believe it either.

"I doubt that I am allowed to give permissions to break rules by the Ministry, and even I was, I wouldn't do so," Remus smiled. Harry sighed again, he had expected it.

"And if I asked Dumbledore? He's the headmaster, I mean surely--" the student began, but stopped himself in the middle of his sentence. Remus understood his resentment, the last Hogsmeade visit this year he had spent in his office, 'for safety reasons'.

"I can assure you, Dumbledore will lift any precautions taken as soon as he can. I am thirty-four years of age, I received seven years of magical education and fought in the First Wizarding War against Voldemort and guess what, Harry? Dumbledore doesn't let me go to Hogsmeade to send an owl; all because of Black," Remus laughed, only a bit bitter. It was for their own good. "Dumbledore is a good man; he knows best."

"I know Dumbledore," said Harry, sitting up straight. He ruffled his hair with his hand, making it even messier, if possible. He looked not the slightest bit surprised about what Remus what told him. Did he know Sirius had a bigger correlation to Remus than being at Hogwarts at the same time?  "He knows everything. As long as I've known him, he's always known everything."

They both watched the light die down outside. Remus got up and ignited the fireplace and the candles along the walls with his wand.

It was getting later and later, but the two had moved on from the unpleasant topic of Sirius Black and talked about all kinds of things. Harry told Remus about Quidditch and about how Draco Malfoy was a brat, about Hagrid's case and about the exams. Remus liked just listening to him, he felt like Harry trusted him more. That was how it was supposed to be. 

"If Filch sees you, tell him you were with me and I held you up for too long," Remus advised Harry as he walked him to the door far later than students were allowed to be in the corridors.  "And no detours-- I'll check."

"Alright. Good night, Professor Lupin," Harry said and stepped outside the teacher's office.

"Good night, Harry."

Remus really did pull out the Marauder's Map, but rather to see that Harry made it safely to the common room, rather than to check if he was up to any late night detours. 

Staring at the map, Remus' mind began to wander. Black had to get inside the Castle somehow, he had managed it twice. He was not coming in through the secret passage into Honeydukes. Nor the one underneath the Whomping Willow, because it was terribly impossible to get into the Shrieking Shack. So where did he get in through? He wasn't just walking through the front door, there had to be a passageway he used. 

Sighing, he decided to go to bed. He had classes to teach in the morning. As he stood up, his gaze fell on the polaroid on his desk, of him, James, Peter and Sirius. He smiled and remembered he still had the picture of him and Sirius, along with the pebble he had received at Christmas wrapped in a newspaper article. For a second he thought about throwing the picture away, but then he decided to leave it in his robes. He could deal with that in the morning.

Remus went to bed and fell asleep, exhausted, before he could think about anything else.

21.THE DREAM

April, 1977.

Sixth Year Gryffindor Boys' Dormitories

In the Gryffindor Boys' Dormitories, with the old four-poster beds and the wine red curtains, the clock on the wall read half-past four a.m. and the four boys were sleeping deeply. Only Remus Lupin was tossing and turning in his sleep. He was having his nightmare again and it was the most terrible one at that. It was about what happened just a few weeks ago during a full moon.

He saw himself turning into the wolf in the Shrieking Shack, the full moon shining through cracks in the walls. It was painful; it was always so painful. His bones cracked and broke as his body grew. The older Remus became, the more aggressive the wolf became. When the transformation was over, he bent over and breathed to ease the pain. Then, he felt the fur of a familiar, big black dog rubbing his head against the werewolf's side. A majestic stag stood behind the dog, it had a small rat on its back. The werewolf recognized the animals, they were his friends, transformed into Animagi. 

At first, it was fine, it was like always. But when they went to leave the Shrieking Shack and explore the grounds, they only stepped one foot outside the Whomping Willow and the struggle to keep the werewolf between the stag, and the dog began.

The werewolf began to scratch itself and when the dog tried to restrain its claws, it reached back and hit the dog right across the back. How severe the damage was, it wasn't aware and it didn't care. The stag and the rat had jumped back, afraid of being bitten by the werewolf's fatal bite. Only the dog stayed at its side, trying to keep it from running away. The dog was hit three more times before the stag pushed the werewolf back into the tunnel underneath the willow. That night, the werewolf trashed the Shrieking Shack like never before and the three other animals could only watch and stay out of the way. 

Then the dream changed, from accurate events to Remus' mind playing tricks on him. He dreamed that he, the werewolf, had attacked the dog further, that he had injured it beyond recovery. That he had bitten it and watched it transform back into a boy, into Sirius. He dreamed that the werewolf had sunken its claws into the body of the boy in front of him and killed him.

With a terrified scream, sixteen-year-old Remus woke up in cold sweat and hit his head hard on the bed when he bolted up. The three other boys each almost had a heart attack. James Potter was the first to grab his wand and stand up. "Lumos!" he yelled and looked at Remus, sitting on his bed wide-eyed and breathing hard. When Sirius Black in the bed beside Remus's realized what had happened, he stumbled up and crouched down in front of the other boy. He took his hand and looked up at him. James sat right next to Remus and put an arm around his shoulder comfortingly. Only then Remus noticed that he was crying and immediately tried to wipe away the tears with the sleeves of his sweater.

"Was it that dream again, Moony?" asked James as Peter rushed to get tissues and a glass of water from the windowsill and handed them to Remus, who only managed a week smile as thanks. "Thanks, Pete," he tried to say, but it was more of an inarticulate mumble.

There was a worried, anxious silence in the room as Remus calmed down and wiped his face. He drank all of the water before someone spoke up again.

"Moony, please tell me if this about what happened last month, " said Sirius, a hint of desperation swinging in his voice. Remus just nodded and stared down at their hands, he didn't dare to look at him. There had not been a single day since, where he didn't feel terrible about this. Every time he had seen Sirius' face twist when he moved too quickly, or every time he had seen him try to get into bed without hurting his back, or every time he had seen him change his shirt in the morning, Remus just wanted to cry. He had done this to him.

"Really? We talked about this, Moony!" Sirius was looking up at him, trying to meet his gaze but Remus still avoided him.

"I'm sorry, Pads," he said quietly. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw James and Sirius having a non-verbal conversation and Peter shaking his head at them dismissively. 

"Can I talk to you for a second?" Sirius asked, out of the blue. James sighed and lifted his hand from around Remus' shoulder to let him go. He hesitated. "Please?" added Sirius. Remus nodded slowly and Sirius lead him to the bathroom. He took out his wand, put a silence spell on the door and turned to Remus. Only then he let go of his hand.

"Now talk to me, Moony," he said and leant back against the sink.

"Sirius, I...--" he began, but he didn't actually know what he was supposed to say, so he just stopped. What did he wanna hear? That he was sorry? He knew that perfectly well. 

"Really, Remus. I'm not kidding you're scaring me."

"So, I am scaring you? Are you kidding me? Likewise, Sirius, likewise," Remus said, a little too loudly maybe. 

"What is that supposed to mean, now?" he asked in return. His attitude had changed profoundly.

"I could have killed you, Sirius! Not just that, I almost have! You're in so much pain-- because of me! I can never forgive myself for this, not ever," replied Remus, his voice shaking severely. 

"Come on, it's not that bad! I might be in pain, but it's gotten better very quickly and soon it'll be gone. I'll have a badass scar and we'll have a good laugh about it."

"Sure, you go do that," retorted Remus, turning away so the other boy couldn't see his face anymore. 

"Moony." Sirius' voice changed; he was talking much softer now. "Why are you so upset that you hurt me? I'd take a hit for you any day, even from a werewolf-- and you know that. And I deserved that one for not paying enough attention--" He slowly took a step towards the other.

"I can't stand the thought of having hurt you," said Remus quietly, turning around. "I'm the one who should have paid more attention in the first place."

"Don't say that; you can't control the wolf, not if it's as angry as it was last month. But are you just upset because you feel guilty? That's cute." Sirius held his hand out and Remus took it hesitantly.

"I'm scared you're mad at me," he said, almost inaudibly.

"Mad at you?" Sirius laughed. "For what? Because I had a... disagreement with a werewolf, who just so happens to be my better half on the other thirty days of the month? By Merlin, it would take much more than that for me to be mad at you." 

He tugged at Remus' hands and pulled him into a hug. He clung onto him for dear life. Remus on the other hand barely dared to wrap his arms around him, fearing he would hurt the wounds on his back and shoulders. But he relaxed so much when he hugged him. He smelled like dogs and leather. Like the all the products he put in his hair to make it 'extra shiny, Prongs, you just don't understand'. He smelled of the cigarettes he smoked and of... simply of Sirius. 

"I'd never leave you because of anything got to do with your lycanthropy. You might not believe me but I like you as you, with everything-- the good and the not-so-good. Don't feel bad because of what happened. I'm not mad, I'll recover and we'll forget about it, okay?  How could you think I'd abandon you. The day I turn on you is the day I go to heaven to meet wizard god." Sirius chuckled against Remus' shoulder. They let go to look at each other.

"I love you, Black."

"You're not so bad yourself, Lupin," Sirius smirked and leaned in, but right before their lips touched, Remus felt backwards into nothingness.

Remus Lupin jolted wide awake. Though he was still in Hogwarts, he was in his office now, not the dormitories. And he had aged, from sixteen to thirty-four years of age. 

He smiled when he woke up. Of course, he was confused to the heavens, but he smiled. Those times back then had been the best of his life, even though they weren't always easy. His friends had been with him through thick and thin. And Sirius Black had promised never to turn on them. And at that moment, Remus wholeheartedly believed him.

Only five years after that incident in the dormitories that night in April, he had delivered James and Lily's heads to Voldemort on a silver plate. Then he had ripped apart Peter, who tried to avenge the two. They only found a finger of him, so badly had Sirius' messed him up. The ministry had taken him away, he was laughing like a maniac, that was when Remus had arrived at the scene, moments too late.

Some things in life never add up. Remus had accepted Black to be a murderer, a backstabber, a traitor. It had never made sense, but it was the most logical and obvious explanation.

There had been no event, no fight, no accident that could have made Sirius hate his friends that much. James was his best friend, his brother. There was no logic in him having ratted out James to Voldemort. Sirius' had always liked Lily and in their later years in Hogwarts, they had begun to get along amazingly. In no way had Sirius ever done her wrong on purpose. And he had simply adored Harry. Since before he was even born, Sirius had adored him and would not have any harm come to him; that was certain.

And then Peter. Sirius had ripped him to shreds. Why would he do that? He had always protected him during their school years and Peter would have never mustered up the strength to kill him, so he could have just stunned him. And even if he was out to kill, why the exploding charm? Remus knew that Sirius had performed an unbreakable curse before, he hadn't only used the Crucio curse once or twice. While he had never taken advantage of the killing curse he knew how and it would have been a lot less messy and less trouble. Where was the voice of reason in that? 

And if he was as coldblooded as they portrayed him, why didn't he just flee? Transformed into his dog form and made a break for it? He didn't put up a fight when they took him away. 

So was he really the murderer everyone said he was? Did he deserve this horrible light everyone painted him in? Or was there perhaps something more to the case of Sirius Black than meets the eye?

Some things never add up, but there was that bit of doubt planted back in Remus' mind, that doubt he'd always had but had managed to eliminate so well these last months and there was no way of getting rid of it again. 

Something changed within him that night; something big.

You can't kill an idea.

22.THE EXAMS

As June approached, the days became cloudless and sultry, and all anybody felt like doing was strolling onto the grounds and flopping down on the grass with several pints of iced pumpkin juice, perhaps playing a casual game of Gobstones or watching the giant squid propel itself dreamily across the surface of the lake.

But they couldn't. Exams were nearly upon them, and instead of lazing around outside, the students were forced to remain inside the castle, trying to bully their brains into concentrating while enticing wafts of summer air drifted in through the windows. Even the most unusual students had been spotted working; some were about to take their O.W.L.s or even their N.E.W.T.s, the highest qualification Hogwarts offered. So both teachers and prefects were becoming increasingly edgy, and gave very severe punishments to anybody who disturbed the quiet of the common rooms or the corridors in the evenings.

When the exam week began, the atmosphere was overall nervous. Remus Lupin had prepared the most extraordinary exam. Each year had to face the creatures they had learned about this year to see if they knew how to act. It was quite fun for him to watch and even the students found it enjoyable for the most part, if they didn't get screwed over by the creature and had to be rescued by Remus.

For his third and fourth years he had prepared a sort of obstacle course outside in the sun, where they had to wade across a deep paddling pool containing a grindylow, cross a series of potholes full of Red Caps, squish their way across a patch of marsh while ignoring misleading directions from a hinkypunk, then climb into an old trunk and battle with a new boggart.

On Thursday, it was time for the Gryffindor third years to face their exam and Remus was excited to see Harry Potter try. The boy was definitely one of the best students in his class, and he proved it in the exam.

"Excellent, Harry," Remus muttered as Harry climbed out of the trunk, grinning. "Full marks."

He liked that he was able to give him an amazing grade, he had deserved it after his development that year. Let alone for his engagement with learning the patronus charm, Remus thought he deserved amazing credit.

Flushed with his success, Harry hung around to watch Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger. Ron did very well until he reached the hinkypunk, which successfully confused him into sinking waist-high into the quagmire. Hermione did everything perfectly until she reached the trunk with the boggart in it. After about a minute inside it, she burst out again, screaming.

"Hermione!" said Remus, startled. "What's the matter?"

"P -- P -- Professor McGonagall!" Hermione gasped, pointing into the trunk. "Sh-- she said I'd failed everything!"

It took a little while to calm Hermione down. When at last she had regained a grip on herself, she, Harry, and Ron went back to the castle. Ron was still laughing at Hermione's boggart. 

They were the penultimate exam Remus had to grade, only sixth years followed that afternoon. After that, he went to the staff room to see what everyone else was up to. But when he came in, there was no cheerful attitude at all. Minerva seemed to be upset, talking frantically to Profesor Flitwick.

"The Minister of Magic himself is here!" Minerva complained. "The Committee for the Disposal of Dangerous Creatures required a witness to the potential execution of Hagrid's hippogriff. As he needed to visit Hogwarts to check on the Black situation, he was asked to step in." 

"Does that mean the appeal's already happened?" Remus interrupted, stepping forward. 

"No, no, it's scheduled for this afternoon, Remus," said Minerva, looking curiously at him. 

"Then he might not have to witness an execution at all," he said concerned. "The hippogriff might get off."

"They are treating it as if the case was closed. The Minister brought an executioner!" told Minerva everyone who listened from their chairs.

Remus made his way to his office. He had the feeling now that Hagrid had lost his appeal, the golden trio Harry, Ron and Hermione would maybe visit him. So obviously, as soon as he had entered, got out the map from underneath his cloak.

"Oh, I'm definitely not up to good," he said with a sarcastic undertone while pointing his wand at the map. It revealed the castle and the grounds at once, ink flowing under his touch, he could redirect it without using much thought. He could play the map like an instrument, it knew he had created it and would unravel no matter which words he used. He couldn't help but swell with pride at the enchantments he had placed on this and how perfectly they had worked.

He focused his attention back to the matter at hand, thinking "Harry", and the ink lit up at the top, working for him, showing him what he was asking. There he was, in the common room. But as he watched, Hermione started to leave. He traced her name as she ran along the corridors until... the one-eyed witch. Of course, these kids knew about the secret passageways. This was James' son, what did he expect? But only seconds later she returned through the witch's statue. 

Following her dot with his eyes, he saw her met up with Harry and Ron again and then all three made their way down to Hagrid's hut.

Remus sighed, he really had to talk to Harry tomorrow about leaving the castle when you know your teacher has an omniscient map with literally unlimited knowledge. At least he knew they were with Hagrid, so he wasn't too worried. He would check every now and then to see if they were back in the common room safely. In the meantime, he began writing his student's final grades down.

After he had graded a good amount of students, he glanced at the map. He saw Fudge and the rest of the committee walk towards Hagrid's hut. Anxiously, he pulled the map closer. Ron, Harry and Hermione exited through the back door as the committee entered, and Remus exhaled in relief. But then he saw something. There were not three black dots hurrying back to the castle-- there were four.

Harry Potter. Hermione Granger. Ron Weasley. And... Peter Pettigrew. 

Remus coughed, he had forgotten how to breathe. The map must be wrong, how could Peter be here? He died, Sirius had ripped him apart, there was nothing but a finger left of him! He's dead!

But then again...
the map never lies.

Maybe there was only a finger to be found because the rest of Peter was still wandering around, alive and well! 

Why didn't Peter reach out to him when they imprisoned Black? There was nothing to fear for him after Sirius had been locked away. Remus stood up hastily. He had to meet him! His friend, his old friend! It would be wonderful to have him back, he had to ask him where he was all this time. Why would he hide? Pete had never been scared to ask for help, why wouldn't he reach out to Remus?

There must be something more. The teacher leaned on his desk and watched the black dots move across the grounds. Peter Pettigrew. He couldn't believe it. That faithful night thirteen years ago, Peter had gone to confront Sirius for ratting everyone out to Voldemort, so why was he not dead? Sirius had cast an explosive spell that killed a dozen people. How did it not get Peter and why did he fake his own death then? 

Unless...
no way.

What if it had never been Sirius who cast the explosion? What if he went after Peter and it was him who killed all those muggles? Peter faked his own death so no one would be after him... it was the perfect murder. But really, was Peter more likely to backstab his friends, his only friends? He had always been a little bit ungainly and awkward, but so sweet and couldn't hurt a soul. He had been the glue that held the Marauders together, he had always known how to calm them down when they got heated and argued or what to say when someone had had a problem. He was less talented in magic than the others and usually needed a bit of help until he got it right; help that his friends had always offered. He could not have done such a horrible crime. While Sirius had been gifted with a great talent for magic, and he came from a family full of Death Eaters and dark wizards. He was deceiving, cunning. He could come up with a plan all by himself. Peter always just tagged along...

The murder of the Potters was a mystery and it was accomplished mostly in the shadows, with a plan that neither Peter nor Sirius could come up with. For a plan like that, you'd need a dark, dark wizard who would kill without batting an eyelash. A bloodthirsty, indescribably powerful wizard, the kind of that neither Sirius nor Peter was.

But there was someone who fit that description.

Now Remus felt like he had found the puzzle piece that had been missing from him all those years and he couldn't quite believe what he was thinking. By Merlin, it was far-fetched, but it made so, so much sense.

Lord Voldemort.

 Peter had always been drawn to power. He always looked up to James and Sirius, being talented and popular. It must've been so easy for Voldemort to recruit him. Remus couldn't believe his own mind. The Potters must have chosen Peter to be their secret keeper at the last minute. It was him, it had always been him and Remus had thought it to be Sirius all this time! Sirius had cornered Peter to avenge Lily and James. Peter, knowing he could never escape Sirius, faked his own death. The whole wizarding world blamed Sirius. 

Twelve years in Azkaban for a crime he did not commit.

Remus almost broke down right there, waves of sorrow and fury were battling each other in his stomach,  but he needed to be quick right then. If he could catch Peter...

Quickly, he looked at the map to see where the three students and Peter were and he saw something much worse. A tiny black dot was running towards the four on the school grounds. The name next to it read... Sirius Black. 

  He saw Sirius pull Ron and Peter with him, towards the Whomping Willow and into the secret tunnel to the Shrieking Shack.   

Remus ran. He left the map and sprinted down from his office. 

'They can't escape me from there,' he thought. 'Tonight is the night, Prongs. You're gonna get avenged.'

23.THE REUNION

Remus Lupin was now outside the castle, running towards the Whomping Willow. All attempt to reason had failed him.

"Immobulus!" he said quietly, making the willow freeze before it even tried to attack him. He entered through the hole by the trunk, before sprinting along the familiar low, muddy tunnel.  He moved as fast as he could, bent almost double; only darkness ahead of him. On and on went the passage; all Remus could think of was seeing Sirius and Peter and what these two might be doing to each other... He was drawing breath in sharp, painful gasps, running at a crouch...

And then the tunnel began to rise; moments later it twisted, he could see a patch of dim light through a small opening. He paused, gasping for breath, edging forward.

It was a room, a very disordered, dusty room. Paper was peeling from the walls; there were stains all over the floor; every piece of furniture was broken as though somebody had smashed it. The windows were all boarded up. Remus pulled himself out of the hole, staring around. It had been many years since he last saw this. The room was deserted, but a door to his right stood open, leading to a shadowy hallway. His eyes fell on a wooden chair near him. Large chunks had been torn out of it; one of the legs had been ripped off entirely.

At that moment, there was a creak overhead. Something had moved upstairs. He looked up at the ceiling. Quietly as he could, he crept out into the hall and up the crumbling staircase. Everything was covered in a thick layer of dust except the floor, where a wide shiny stripe had been made by something being dragged upstairs.

They reached the dark landing. Only one door was open. Remus stopped to listen.

"I understand a lot better than you think," he heard Harry say, and his voice shook more than ever. "You never heard her, did you? My mum... trying to stop Voldemort killing me... and you did that... you did it...." There was a short silence and there was a noise that sounded like a cat purring.

"Get off," someone murmured, Remus froze. Was that...? He moved closer to see through the crack in the door, he needed to see-- he needed to... The floorboards underneath his feet creaked loudly.

"WE'RE UP HERE!" Hermione Granger screamed suddenly. "WE'RE UP HERE -- SIRIUS BLACK - QUICK!"

It was now or never. The door of the room burst open in a shower of red sparks and Harry wheeled around as Professor Lupin came hurtling into the room, his face bloodless, his wand raised and ready. His eyes flickered over Ron, lying on the floor, over Hermione, cowering next to the door, to Harry, standing there with his wand covering the man on the floor, and then to the man himself, crumpled and bleeding at Harry's feet.

It was him--

Sirius.  Sirius Black. 

A mass of filthy, matted hair hung to his elbows. If eyes hadn't been shining out of the deep, dark sockets, he might have been a corpse. The waxy skin was stretched so tightly over the bones of his face, it looked like a skull. His yellow teeth were bared in a grin. It was Sirius Black.

"Expelliarmus!" Remus shouted, regaining his voice. Harry's wand flew out of his hand; so did the two Hermione was holding. Remus caught them all deftly, then moved into the room, staring at Sirius, who had a cat lying protectively across his chest.

He blinked. He had to say something, anything. "Where is he, Sirius?" Remus asked tensely.

The three students' eyes wandered between the two men bewilderedly. Sirius' face was quite expressionless. For a few seconds, he didn't move at all. Then, very slowly, he raised his empty hand and pointed straight at Ron.

"But then..." Remus muttered, staring at Sirius intently, trying to work everything out, "... why hasn't he shown himself before now? Unless" -- his eyes suddenly widened. What he was thinking had been right. Peter was the one guilty of the murder of the Potters. "-- unless he was the one... unless you switched... without telling me."

Very slowly, his sunken gaze never leaving Remus' face, Sirius nodded.

"Professor," Harry interrupted loudly, "what's going on --?" But he never finished the question, because what he saw made his voice die in his throat.

Remus was lowering his wand, gazing fixed at Sirius. In his mind there was nothing but "he's innocent, he's innocent, he's innocent."

And he was. He was. Innocent.

He walked to Sirius' side, seized his hand, pulled him to his feet so that the cat fell to the floor, and looked at Sirius for a second. He hadn't let go of his hand.

This was him. Sirius. His Sirius, who now smiled at him widely. The smile was genuine, and for a moment, he looked twenty again. "Remus," he said, his voice hoarse.

"Sirius..." he mumbled quietly and pulled him towards him roughly and embraced him. Sirius wrapped his arms around him and dug his fingers into his back, burying his face in Remus' shoulder. He had waited for so long for this... Remus never wanted that moment to end, but then--

"DON'T BELIEVE IT!" Hermione screamed. Remus let go of Sirius and turned to her. She had raised herself off the floor and was pointing at him, wild-eyed. "You -- you --"

"Hermione --" he tried to say.

"-- you and him!"

"Hermione, calm down --"

"I didn't tell anyone!" Hermione shrieked. "I've been covering up for you --"

"Hermione, listen to me, please," Remus shouted. "I can explain --"

"I trusted you," Harry now shouted at him, his voice wavering, out of control, "and all the time you've been his friend!" 

"You're wrong," said Remus, visibly distressed. "I haven't been Sirius's friend in a long time, but I am now -- Let me explain...." 

"NO!" Hermione screamed. "Harry, don't trust him, he's been helping Sirius get into the castle, he wants you dead too -- he's a werewolf!"

There was a ringing silence. Everyone's eyes were now on Remus, who tried to look remarkably calm, though he knew he was paler even than the dust covering the floorboards. His face was ashen. Behind him, he could feel Sirius staring at the back of his head.

"Not at all up to your usual standard, Hermione," he said, trying to keep his voice under control. "Only one out of three, I'm afraid. I have not been helping Sirius get into the castle and I certainly don't want Harry dead."  He shivered at the thought. "But I won't deny that I am, in fact, a werewolf."

Ron made a valiant effort to get up again but fell back with a whimper of pain. Remus made toward him, concerned, but Ron gasped, "Get away from me, werewolf!"

Remus stopped dead. His heart wrenched in his chest and it took all the strength he had to turn away from him to look at Hermione,  "How long have you known?"

"Ages," Hermione whispered. "Since I did Professor Snape's essay..."

"He'll be delighted," said Remus coolly. "He assigned that essay hoping someone would realize what my symptoms meant... Did you check the lunar chart and realize that I was always ill at the full moon? Or did you realize that the boggart changed into the moon when it saw me?"

"Both," Hermione said quietly. Remus forced a laugh, he was both very impressed and terrified. 

"You're the cleverest witch of your age I've ever met, Hermione."

"I'm not," Hermione whispered. "If I'd been a bit cleverer, I'd have told everyone what you are!"

"But they already know," said Remus. "At least, the staff do."

"Dumbledore hired you when he knew you were a werewolf?" Ron gasped. "Is he mad?" 

Remus was used to receiving unpleasant comments about his lycanthropy all the time. This had been the most accepting year of his life, his colleagues kept any doubts about him to themselves, except maybe Severus Snape. So hearing such things from one of his favourite students did hurt, because he knew everyone else secretly thought so too. He heard Sirius taking a step forward, but he stopped.

"Some of the staff thought so," he said. "He had to work very hard to convince certain teachers that I'm trustworthy --" 

"AND HE WAS WRONG!" Harry yelled. "YOUVE BEEN HELPING HIM ALL THE TIME!"

He was pointing at Sirius, who suddenly crossed to the four-poster bed and sank onto it, his face hidden in one shaking hand. The cat leapt up beside him and stepped onto his lap, purring. Remus wanted to talk to him so badly, but he had to keep the students at bay, one false move and they were doomed. Ron edged away from both of them, dragging his leg.

"I have not been helping Sirius," said Remus. "If you'll give me a chance, I'll explain. Look --"

He separated Harry's, Ron's and Hermione's wands and threw each back to its owner.

"There", said Lupin, sticking his own wand back into his belt.  He knew it was a dangerous manoeuvre, they could easily stun them both and run to get the dementors or another teacher. That would be the end of both of them. "You're armed, we're not. Now, will you listen?"

"If you haven't been helping him," Harry said after considering him, with a furious glance at Black, "how did you know he was here?"

"The map," said Remus and shrugged. "The Marauder's Map. I was in my office examining it--"

"Why do you even know how to work it?" Harry said suspiciously.

"Of course I know how to work it," said Remus, waving his hand impatiently. "I helped write it. I'm Moony -- that was my friends' nickname for me at school." He heard Sirius shift, but there was no time for lies and excuses anymore.

"You wrote --?"

"The important thing is, I was watching it carefully this evening; because I had an idea that you, Ron, and Hermione might try and sneak out of the castle to visit Hagrid before his hippogriff was executed. And I was right, wasn't I?" Remus sighed. He had started to pace up and down, looking at them. Little patches of dust rose at his feet. "You might have been wearing your father's old cloak, Harry--" he said, having had the idea very suddenly.

"How d'you know about the cloak?"

"The number of times I saw James disappearing under it...," said Remus, waving an impatient hand again. "The point is, even if you're wearing an Invisibility Cloak, you still show up on the Marauder's Map. I watched you cross the grounds and enter Hagrid's hut. Twenty minutes later, you left Hagrid and set off back toward the castle. But you were now accompanied by somebody else."

"What?" said Harry. "No, we weren't!"

"I couldn't believe my eyes," said Remus, still pacing, and ignoring Harry's interruption. "I thought the map must be malfunctioning. How could he be with you?"

 "No one was with us!" Harry yelled.

"And then I saw another dot, moving fast toward you, labelled Sirius Black... I saw him collide with you; I watched as he pulled two of you into the Whomping Willow --"

"One of us!" Ron said angrily.

"No, Ron," said Lupin. "Two of you." He had stopped his pacing, his eyes moving over Ron.

"Do you think I could have a look at the rat?" he said evenly.

"What?" said Ron. "What's Scabbers got to do with it?"

"Everything," Remus replied. "Could I see him, please?"

Ron hesitated, then put a hand inside his robes. A rat emerged, thrashing desperately; Ron had to seize his long bald tail to stop him escaping. The cat stood up on Sirius' leg and made a soft hissing noise. Remus moved closer to Ron. He was holding his breath as he gazed intently at the rat. Could it really be--?

"What?" Ron said again, holding the rat close to him, looking scared. "What's my rat got to do with anything?"

"That's not a rat," croaked Sirius suddenly. His voice triggered a shiver to run down Rsmus' spine.

"What d'you mean -- of course he's a rat --"

"No, he's not," said Remus quietly. Looking closely at the animal, he was sure now.  "He's a wizard."

"An Animagus," said Sirius, "by the name of Peter Pettigrew."

It took a few seconds for the absurdity of this statement to sink in. Then Ron voiced what all three students seemed to be thinking.

"You're both mental."

"Ridiculous!" said Hermione faintly.

"Peter Pettigrew's dead!" said Harry. "He killed him twelve years ago!" He pointed at Sirius, whose face twitched convulsively.

"I meant to," he growled, his yellow teeth bared, "but little Peter got the better of me... not this time, though!"

And the cat was thrown to the floor as he lunged at Scabbers; Ron yelled with pain as Sirius' weight fell on his broken leg.

"Sirius, NO!" Remus yelled, launching himself forwards and dragging him away from Ron again, "WAIT! You can't do it just like that -- they need to understand -- we've got to explain --"

"We can explain afterwards!" snarled Sirius, trying to throw him off. One hand was still clawing the air as it tried to reach for the rat, who was squealing like a piglet, scratching Ron's face and neck as he tried to escape.

"They've -- got -- a -- right -- to -- know -- -everything!" Remus panted, still trying to restrain Sirius by his wrists. "Ron's kept him as a pet! There are parts of it even I don't understand, and Harry -- you owe Harry the truth, Sirius!"

He stopped struggling, though his hollowed eyes were still fixed on the rat, who was clamped tightly under Ron's bitten, scratched, and bleeding hands. Remus let go of Sirius' carefully, but ready to hold him back if he tried to jump Ron again. He lingered his hand on the other's back for a second too long.

"All right, then," Sirius said, without taking his eyes off the rat. "Tell them whatever you like. But make it quick, Remus. I want to commit the murder I was imprisoned for..."

"You're nutters, both of you," said Ron shakily, looking around at Harry and Hermione for support. "I've had enough of this. I'm off."

He tried to heave himself up on his good leg, but Remus raised his wand again, pointing it at the rat.

"You're going to hear me out, Ron," he said quietly. "Just keep a tight hold on Peter while you listen."

"HE'S NOT PETER, HE'S SCABBERS!" Ron yelled, trying to fore the rat back into his front pocket, but it was fighting too hard; Ron swayed and overbalanced, and Harry rushed and caught him, then pushed him back down to the bed.

Then, ignoring Sirius, Harry turned to his teacher.

"There were witnesses who saw Pettigrew die," he said. "A whole street full of them..."

"They didn't see what they thought they saw!" said Sirius savagely, still watching the rat struggling in Ron's hands.

"Everyone thought Sirius killed Peter," said Remus, nodding.  "I believed it myself -- until I saw the map tonight. Because the Marauder's map never lies... Peter's alive. Ron's holding him, Harry." 

Harry looked down at Ron, and as their eyes met, they seemed to agree silently: Those were both out of their minds. It reminded Remus a lot of what James and Sirius used to do.

Then Hermione spoke, in a trembling, would-be calm sort of voice, as though trying to will Remus to talk sensibly. "But Professor Lupin... Scabbers can't be Pettigrew... it just can't be true, you know it can't..."

"Why can't it be true?" Remus said calmly, as though they were in class, and Hermione had simply spotted a problem in an experiment with grindylows.

"Because... because people would know if Peter Pettigrew had been an Animagus. We did Animagi in class with Professor McGonagall. And I looked them up when I did my homework -- the Ministry of Magic keeps tabs on witches and wizards who can become animals; there's a register showing what animal they become, and their markings and things... and I went and looked Professor McGonagall up on the register, and there have been only seven Animagi this century, and Pettigrew's name wasn't on the list."

Remus didn't take his time to marvel inwardly at the effort Hermione put into her homework before starting to laugh. "Right again, Hermione!" he said. "But the Ministry never knew that here used to be three unregistered Animagi running around Hogwarts."

"If you're going to tell them the story, get a move on, Remus," said Sirius, who was still watching the rats every desperate move. "I've waited twelve years, I'm not going to wait much longer."

"All right... but you'll need to help me, Sirius," said Remus slowly, "I only know how it began..."

24.THE PAST

"If you're going to tell them the story, get a move on, Remus," said Sirius, who was still watching the rats every desperate move. "I've waited twelve years, I'm not going to wait much longer."

"All right... but you'll need to help me, Sirius," said Lupin, I only know how it began..."

Remus broke off. There had been a loud creak behind him. The bedroom door had opened of its own accord. All five of them stared at it. Then Remus strode toward it and looked out into the landing. It was not windy in here nor was there magic, what happened? Doors don't just open on their own.

"No one there..."

"This place is haunted!" said Ron.

"It's not," said Remus, still looking at the door in a puzzled way. "The Shrieking Shack was never haunted... The screams and howls the villagers used to hear were made by me." He pushed his greying hair out of his eyes, thought for a moment then said, "That's where all of this starts -- with my becoming a werewolf, none of this could have happened if I hadn't been bitten... and if I hadn't been so foolhardy..." He sighed tiredly. Everything really had been his fault.

Ron started to interrupt, but Hermione, said, "Shh!" She was watching Remus very intently.

"I was a very small boy when I received the bite. My parents tried everything, but in those days there was no cure. The potion that Professor Snape has been making for me is a very recent discovery. It makes me safe, you see. As long as I take it in the week, preceding the full moon, I keep my mind when I transform... I'm able to curl up in my office, a harmless wolf, and wait for the moon to wane again.

"Before the Wolfsbane Potion was discovered, however, I became a fully fledged monster once a month. It seemed impossible that I would be able to come to Hogwarts. Other parents weren't likely to want their children exposed to me.

"But then Dumbledore became Headmaster, and he was sympathetic. He said that as long as we took certain precautions, there was no reason I shouldn't come to school...." Remus sighed again and looked directly at Harry. "I told you, months ago, that the Whomping Willow was planted the year I came to Hogwarts. The truth is that it was planted because I came to Hogwarts. This house" -- Remus looked miserably around the room, -- "the tunnel that leads to it -- they were built for my use. Once a month, I was smuggled out of the castle, into this place, to transform. The tree was placed at the tunnel mouth to stop anyone coming across me while I was dangerous."

The students looked at him cautiously; they didn't understand yet, but they were listening. The only sound apart from Remus' voice was Peter's frightened squeaking.

"My transformations in those days were -- were terrible. It is very painful to turn into a werewolf. I was separated from humans to bite, so I bit and scratched myself instead. The villagers heard the noise and the screaming and thought they were hearing particularly violent spirits. Dumbledore encouraged the rumour... Even now, when the house has been silent for years, the villagers don't dare approach it...

"But apart from my transformations, I was happier than I had ever been in my life. For the first time ever, I had friends, three great friends. Sirius Black..." He smiled faintly at him. Sirius' expression shifted. "Peter Pettigrew..." He stared at the rat struggling in Ron's hand, "and, of course, your father, Harry--James Potter.

"Now, my three friends could hardly fail to notice that I disappeared once a month. I made up all sorts of stories. I told them my mother was ill, and that I had to go home to see her... I was terrified they would desert me the moment they found out what I was. But of course, they, like you, Hermione, worked out the truth...

"And they didn't desert me at all. Instead, they did something for me that would make my transformations not only bearable, but the best times of my life. They became Animagi."

"My dad too?" asked Harry, astounded.

"Yes, indeed," said Remus. "It took them the best part of three years to work out how to do it. Your father and Sirius here were the cleverest students in the school, and lucky they were, because the Animagus transformation can go horribly wrong -- one reason the Ministry keeps a close watch on those attempting to do it. Peter needed all the help he could get from James and Sirius. Finally, in our fifth year, they managed it. They could each turn into a different animal at will."

"But how did that help you?" questioned Hermione, sounding puzzled.

"They couldn't keep me company as humans, so they kept me company as animals," said Remus. "A werewolf is only a danger to people. They sneaked out of the castle every month under James's Invisibility Cloak. They transformed... Peter, as the smallest, could slip beneath the Willow's attacking branches and touch the knot that freezes it. They would then slip down the tunnel and join me. Under their influence, I became less dangerous. My body was still wolfish, but my mind seemed to become less so while I was with them." The weight on his chest felt lighter for a moment, nostalgia painting a faint smile on his face, inappropriate in this situation.

"Hurry up, Remus," snarled Sirius, who was still watching Scabbers with a horrible sort of hunger on his face. Remus wasn't smiling anymore.

"I'm getting there, Sirius, I'm getting there... well, highly exciting possibilities were open to us now that we could all transform. Soon we were leaving the Shrieking Shack and roaming the school grounds and the village by night. Sirius and James transformed into such large animals, they were able to keep a werewolf in check. I doubt whether any Hogwarts students ever found out more about the Hogwarts grounds and Hogsmeade than we did... And that's how we came to write the Marauder's Map, and sign it with our nicknames. Sirius is Padfoot. Peter is Wormtail. James was Prongs."

"What sort of animal --?" Harry began, but Hermione cut him off.

"That was still really dangerous! Running around in the dark with a werewolf! What if you'd given the others the slip, and bitten somebody?" Remus' face fell even further, if possible. 

"A thought that still haunts me," he said heavily. "And there were near misses, many of them. We laughed about them afterwards. We were young, thoughtless -- carried away with our own cleverness.

"I sometimes felt guilty about betraying Dumbledore's trust, of course... he had admitted me to Hogwarts when no other headmaster would have done so, and he had no idea I was breaking the rules he had set down for my own and others' safety. He never knew I had led three fellow students into becoming Animagi illegally. But I always managed to forget my guilty feelings every time we sat down to plan our next month's adventure. And I haven't changed..."

Remus' face had hardened, and the self-disgust he felt made its way from just his mind to his voice. "All this year, I have been battling with myself, wondering whether I should tell Dumbledore that Sirius was an Animagus. But I didn't do it. Why? Because I was too cowardly. It would have meant admitting that I'd betrayed his trust while I was at school, admitting that I'd led others along with me... and Dumbledore's trust has meant everything to me. He let me into Hogwarts as a boy, and he gave me a job when I have been shunned all my adult life, unable to find paid work because of what I am. And so I convinced myself that Sirius was getting into the school using dark arts he learned from Voldemort, that being an Animagus had nothing to do with it... so, in a way, Snape's been right about me all along."

"Snape?" said Sirius harshly, taking his eyes off Scabbers; for the first time in minutes and looking up at Remus. There was something in his eyes Remus couldn't quite place. "What's Snape got to do with it?"

"He's here, Sirius," said Remus in the same heavy tone. "He's teaching here as well."

He looked up at Harry, Ron, and Hermione. "Professor Snape was at school with us. He fought very hard against my appointment to the Defense Against the Dark Arts job. He has been telling Dumbledore all year that I am not to be trusted. He has his reasons... you see, Sirius here played a trick on him which nearly killed him, a trick which involved me --"

Sirius made a derisive noise. "It served him right," he sneered. "Sneaking around, trying to find out what we were up to... hoping he could get us expelled...."

"Severus was very interested in where I went every month," Remus told Harry, Ron, and Hermione. "We were in the same year, you know, and we -- er -- didn't like each other very much. He especially disliked James. Jealous, I think, of James's talent on the Quidditch field... anyway Snape had seen me crossing the grounds with Madam Pomfrey one evening as she led me toward the Whomping Willow to transform. Sirius thought it would be -- er -- amusing, to tell Snape all he had to do was prod the knot on the tree trunk with a long stick, and he'd be able to get in after me. Well, of course, Snape tried it -- if he'd got as far as this house, he'd have met a fully grown werewolf -- but your father, who'd heard what Sirius had done, went after Snape and pulled him back, at great risk to his life... Snape glimpsed me, though, at the end of the tunnel. He was forbidden by Dumbledore to tell anybody, but from that time on he knew what I was...."

"So that's why Snape doesn't like you," said Harry slowly, "because he thought you were in on the joke?"

"That's right," sneered a cold voice from the wall behind them. Severus Snape was pulling off the Invisibility Cloak, his wand pointing, directly at Remus.

Hermione screamed. Sirius leapt to his feet. Remus felt as though he'd received a huge electric shock.

"I found this at the base of the Whomping Willow," said Snape, throwing the cloak aside, careful to keep this wand pointing directly at Lupin's chest. "Very useful, Potter, I thank you...." Snape was slightly breathless, but his face was full of suppressed triumph. "You're wondering, perhaps, how I knew you were here?" he said, his eyes glittering. "I've just been to your office, Remus. You forgot to take your potion tonight, so I took a goblet full along. And very lucky I did... lucky for me, I mean. Lying on your desk was a certain map. One glance at it told me all I needed to know. I saw you running along this passageway and out of sight."

"Severus --" Remus began, but Snape overrode him.

"I've told the headmaster again and again that you're helping your old friend Black into the castle, Lupin, and here's the proof. Not even I dreamed you would have the nerve to use this old place as your hideout--"

"Severus, you're making a mistake," he said urgently. "You haven't heard everything -- I can explain -- Sirius is not here to kill Harry--"

"Two more for Azkaban tonight," said Snape, his eyes now gleaming fanatically. "I shall be interested to see how Dumbledore takes this... He was quite convinced you were harmless, you know, Lupin... a tame werewolf --"

"You fool," said Remus softly. "Is a schoolboy grudge worth putting an innocent man back inside Azkaban?"

BANG! Thin, snakelike cords burst from the end of Snape's wand and twisted themselves around Remus' mouth, wrists, and ankles; he overbalanced and fell to the floor, unable to move. The cords were cutting into his skin as he struggled. With a roar of rage, Sirius started toward Snape, but Snape pointed his wand straight between Sirius' eyes.

"Give me a reason," he whispered. "Give me a reason to do it, and I swear I will."

Sirius stopped dead. It would have been impossible to say which face showed more hatred.

The students stood there, paralyzed, not knowing what to do or whom to believe. Remus tried to glance around at Harry, Ron and Hermione. Ron looked just as confused as Harry did, still fighting to keep a hold on the struggling Scabbers. Hermione, however, took an uncertain step toward Snape and said, in a very breathless voice, "Professor Snape -- it wouldn't hurt to hear what they've got to say, w -- would it?"

"Miss Granger, you are already facing suspension from this school," Snape spat. "You, Potter, and Weasley are out-of-bounds, in the company of a convicted murderer and a werewolf. For once in your life, hold your tongue."

"But if-- if there was a mistake --"

"KEEP QUIET, YOU STUPID GIRL!" Snape shouted, looking suddenly quite deranged. "DON'T TALK ABOUT WHAT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!" A few sparks shot out of the end of his wand, which was still pointed at Sirius' face. As Hermione fell silent, Remus tried to escape Snape's ban again, only hurting himself further. But he couldn't let Snape get Sirius--

"Vengeance is very sweet," Snape breathed at Sirius. "How I hoped I would be the one to catch you...."

"The joke's on you again, Severus," Sirius snarled. Remus wished he would just be quiet, but he had never been one to know when to shut it. "As long as this boy brings his rat up to the castle" -- he jerked his head at Ron -- "I'll come quietly...."

"Up to the castle?" said Snape silkily. "I don't think we need to go that far. All I have to do is call the dementors once we get out of the Willow. They'll be very pleased to see you, Black... pleased enough to give you a little kiss, I daresay... I --"

What little colour there was in Sirius' face left it.

"You -you've got to hear me out," he croaked. "The rat -- look at the rat --"

But there was a mad glint in Snape's eyes that Remus had never seen before. He seemed beyond reason.

"Come on, all of you," he said. He clicked his fingers, and the ends of the cords that bound Remus flew to his hands, causing him to fight against them even heavier. "I'll drag the werewolf. Perhaps the dementors will have a kiss for him too --"

If Remus had the ability to move, he feared he would have punched Snape right in the face, right there. He couldn't take them to the dementors! He didn't want to die-- not now that he uncovered the truth--

Before he had thought of what to do, Harry had crossed the room in three strides and blocked the door.

"Get out of the way, Potter, you're in enough trouble already," snarled Snape. "If I hadn't been here to save your skin --"

"Professor Lupin could have killed me about a hundred times this year," Harry said. "I've been alone with him loads of times, having defence lessons against the dementors. If he was helping Black, why didn't he just finish me off then?" Remus tried to nod furiously, but the cords kept him in place. Harry was starting to believe them!

"Don't ask me to fathom the way a werewolf's mind works," hissed Snape. "Get out of the way, Potter."

"YOU'RE PATHETIC!" Harry yelled. "JUST BECAUSE THEY MADE A FOOL OF YOU AT SCHOOL YOU WON'T EVEN LISTEN --"

"SILENCE! I WILL NOT BE SPOKEN TO LIKE THAT!" Snape shrieked, looking madder than ever. "Like father, like son, Potter! I have just saved your neck; you should be thanking me on bended knee! You would have been well served if he'd killed you! You'd have died like your father, too arrogant to believe you might be mistaken in Black -- now get out of the way, or I will make you. GET OUT OF THE WAY, POTTER!"

Harry made up his mind in a split second. Before Snape could take even one step toward him, he had raised his wand.

"Expelliarmus!" he yelled -- except that his wasn't the only voice that shouted. There was a blast that made the door rattle on its hinges; Snape was lifted off his feet and slammed into the wall, then slid down it to the floor, a trickle of blood oozing from under his hair. He had been knocked out. Both Harry, Ron and Hermione had tried to disarm Snape at exactly the same moment. Snape's wand soared in a high arc and landed on the bed next to Crookshanks.

"You shouldn't have done that," said Sirius, looking at Harry. "You should have left him to me...."

Harry avoided Sirius' eyes. He seemed to wonder if he'd done the right thing.

"We attacked a teacher... We attacked a teacher..." Hermione whimpered, staring at the lifeless Snape with frightened eyes. "Oh, we're going to be in so much trouble --"

Remus tried to fight against his bonds again, now that Snape was knocked out. Sirius bent down quickly and untied him. Remus straightened up with Sirius' help, rubbing his arms where the ropes had cut into them. Sirius studied him and kept a hand on his back to support his balance.

"Thank you, Harry," Remus said.

"I'm still not saying I believe you," Harry replied.

"Then it's time we offered you some proof," said Remus. "You, Ron-- give me Peter, please. Now."

25. THE SERVANT

Ron clutched Peter closer to his chest.

"Come off it," he said weakly. "Are you trying to say he broke out of Azkaban just to get his hands on Scabbers? I mean..." He looked up at Harry and Hermione for support, "Okay, say Pettigrew could turn into a rat -- there are millions of rats -- how's he supposed to know which one he's after if he was locked up in Azkaban?"

"You know, Sirius, that's a fair question," said Remus, turning to Sirius and frowning slightly. "How did you find out where he was?" He wondered why he had never thought about that before. 

Sirius put one of his clawlike hands inside his robes and took out a crumpled piece of paper, which he smoothed flat and held out to show the others.

It was a photograph of Ron and his family that had seemingly appeared in the Daily Prophet the previous summer, and there, on Ron's shoulder, was Peter.

"How did you get this?" Remus asked Sirius, thunderstruck. They did not get news in Azkaban, did they?

"Fudge," said Sirius. "When he came to inspect Azkaban last year, he gave me his paper. And there was Peter, on the front page on this boy's shoulder... I knew him at once... how many times had I seen him transform? And the caption said the boy would be going back to Hogwarts... to where Harry was..."

"My God," said Remus softly, staring from the rat to the picture in the paper and back again. "His front paw..."

"What about it?" said Ron defiantly.

"He's got a toe missing," said Sirius.

"Of course," Remus breathed. "So simple... so brilliant... he really cut it off himself?"

"Just before he transformed," said Sirius. "When I cornered him, he yelled for the whole street to hear that I'd betrayed Lily and James. Then, before I could curse him, he blew apart the street with the wand behind his back, killed everyone within twenty feet of himself -- and sped down into the sewer with the other rats...."

"Didn't you ever hear, Ron?" asked Remus. "The biggest bit of Peter they found was his finger."

"Look, Scabbers probably had a fight with another rat or something! He's been in my family for ages, right --"

"Twelve years, in fact," said Remus. "Didn't you ever wonder why he was living so long?"

"We -- we've been taking good care of him!" said Ron.

"Not looking too good at the moment, though, is he?" Remus retorted. "I'd guess he's been losing weight ever since he heard Sirius was on the loose again...."

"He's been scared of that mad cat!" said Ron, nodding toward the cat, who was still purring on the bed.

"This cat isn't mad," said Sirius hoarsely. He reached out a bony hand and stroked the cat's fluffy head. "He's the most intelligent of his kind I've ever met. He recognized Peter for what he was right away. And when he met me, he knew I was no dog. It was a while before he trusted me... Finally, I managed to communicate to him what I was after, and he's been helping me..."

"What do you mean?" breathed Hermione.

"He tried to bring Peter to me, but couldn't... so he stole the passwords into Gryffindor Tower for me... As I understand it, he took them from a boy's bedside table...."

Remus could only stare at Sirius in awe. This was insane. What were the odds?

"But Peter got wind of what was going on and ran for it." croaked Sirius. "This cat -- Crookshanks, did you call him? -- told me Peter had left blood on the sheets... I supposed he bit himself... Well, faking his own death had worked once."

"And why did he fake his death?" Harry said furiously. "Because he knew you were about to kill him like you killed my parents!"

"No," said Remus, "Harry-"

"And now you've come to finish him off!"

"Yes, I have," said Sirius, with an evil look at Peter.

"Then I should've let Snape take you!" Harry shouted.

"Harry," said Remus hurriedly, "don't you see? All this time we've thought Sirius betrayed your parents, and Peter tracked him down -- but it was the other way around, don't you see? Peter betrayed your mother and father -- Sirius tracked Peter down --"

"THAT'S NOT TRUE!" Harry yelled. "HE WAS THEIR SECRET-KEEPER! HE SAID SO BEFORE YOU TURNED UP. HE SAID HE KILLED THEM!"

He was pointing at Sirius, who shook his head slowly; the sunken eyes were suddenly over bright. Remus watched him. Why would he say he killed them?

"Harry... I as good as killed them," he croaked. "I persuaded Lily and James to change to Peter at the last moment, persuaded them to use him as Secret-Keeper instead of me... I'm to blame, I know it... The night they died, I'd arranged to check on Peter, make sure he was still safe, but when I arrived at his hiding place, he'd gone. Yet there was no sign of a struggle. It didn't feel right. I was scared. I set out for your parents' house straight away. And when I saw their house, destroyed, and their bodies... I realized what Peter must've done... what I'd done...."

His voice broke. He turned away. Remus reached out for his hand but didn't dare. All this time...

"Enough of this," he said, unable to look at Sirius' raw pain anymore. There was a steely note in his voice. "There's one certain way to prove what really happened. Ron, give me that rat."

"What are you going to do with him if I give him to you?" Ron asked his teacher tensely.

"Force him to show himself," replied Remus. "If he really is a rat, it won't hurt him."

Ron hesitated. Then at long last, he held out the rat and Remus took him. The rat began to squeak without stopping, twisting and turning, his tiny black eyes bulging in his head. 

"Ready, Sirius?" said Remus. He wished to just snap the rat's neck then and there, but they had to prove their point... for Harry.

Sirius had already retrieved Snape's wand from the bed. He approached Remus and the struggling rat, and his wet eyes suddenly seemed to be burning in his face.

"Together?" he said quietly. They made eye contact. It said everything that needed to be said.

"I think so," said Remus, holding Scabbers tightly in one hand and his wand in the other. "On the count of three. One -- two -- THREE!"

A flash of blue-white light erupted from both wands; for a moment, the rat was frozen in midair, his small grey form twisting madly -- Ron yelled -- the rat fell and hit the floor. There was another blinding flash of light and then -- It was like watching a speeded-up film of a growing tree. A head was shooting upward from the ground; limbs were sprouting; a moment later, a man was standing where the rat had been, cringing and wringing his hands. Crookshanks was spitting and snarling on the bed; the hair on his back was standing up.

Remus barely recognized the man. He was very small, barely taller than Harry. His thin, colourless hair was unkempt and there was a large bald patch on top. He had the shrunken appearance of a plump man who has lost a lot of weight in a short time. His skin looked grubby, almost like the rat's fur, and something of the rat lingered around his pointed nose and his very small, watery eyes. He looked around at them all, his breathing fast and shallow. But he was undoubtedly Peter Pettigrew. 

"Well, hello, Peter," said Remus pleasantly, as though rats frequently erupted into old school friends around him. It took everything he had not to murder him right on the spot.  "Long time, no see."

"S -- Sirius... R -- Remus..." Even Peters's voice was squeaky. Again, his eyes darted toward the door. "My friends... my old friends..."

Sirius' wand arm rose, but Remus seized him around the wrist, gave him a warning took, then turned again to Peter, his voice light and casual.

"We've been having a little chat, Peter, about what happened the night Lily and James died. You might have missed the finer points while you were squeaking around down there on the bed --"

"Remus," gasped Peter, and Harry could see beads of sweat breaking out over his pasty face, "you don't believe him, do you...? He tried to kill me, Remus...."

"So we've heard," said Remus, more coldly. "I'd like to clear up one or two little matters with you, Peter, if you'll be so --"

"He's come to try and kill me again!" Peter squeaked suddenly, pointing at Remus, and they saw that he used his middle finger, because his index was missing. "He killed Lily and James and now he's going to kill me too... You've got to help me, Remus...."

When Remus looked up, Sirius' face looked more skull-like than ever as he stared at their old friend with his fathomless eyes.

"No one's going to try and kill you until we've sorted a few things out," said Remus.

"Sorted things out?" squealed Pettigrew, looking wildly about him once more, eyes taking in the boarded windows and, again the only door. "I knew he'd come after me! I knew he'd be back for me! I've been waiting for this for twelve years!"

"You knew Sirius was going to break out of Azkaban?" asked Remus, his brow furrowed. "When nobody has ever done it before?"

"He's got dark powers the rest of us can only dream of!" Peter shouted shrilly. "How else did he get out of there? I suppose He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named taught him a few tricks!"

Sirius started to laugh, a horrible, mirthless laugh that filled the whole room. "Voldemort, teach me tricks?" he said.  Peter flinched as though Sirius had brandished a whip at him.

"What, scared to hear your old master's name?" scoffed Sirius. "I don't blame you, Peter. His lot aren't very happy with you, are they?"

"Don't know what you mean, Sirius --" muttered Peter, his breathing faster than ever. His whole face was shining with sweat now.

"You haven't been hiding from me for twelve years," said Black. "You've been hiding from Voldemort's old supporters. I heard things in Azkaban, Peter... They all think you're dead, or you'd have to answer to them... I've heard them screaming all sorts of things in their sleep. Sounds like they think the double-crosser double-crossed them. Voldemort went to the Potters' on your information... and Voldemort met his downfall there. And not all of Voldemort's supporters ended up in Azkaban, did they? There are still plenty out here, biding their time, pretending they've seen the error of their ways. If they ever got wind that you were still alive, Peter --"

Remus had to close his eyes and breathe for a moment. Hearing about what had happened to Sirius in Azkaban, the things he heard, the people he was with... it was tearing on his insides.

"Don't know... what you're talking about...," said Peter again, more shrilly than ever. He wiped his face on his sleeve and looked up at him. "You don't believe this -- this madness, Remus --"

"I must admit, Peter, I have difficulty in understanding why an innocent man would want to spend twelve years as a rat," said Remus evenly.

"Innocent, but scared!" squealed Peter. "If Voldemort's supporters were after me, it was because I put one of their best men in Azkaban-- the spy, Sirius Black!"

Sirius' face contorted. "How dare you," he growled, sounding suddenly like the bear-sized dog he transformed to. "I, a spy for Voldemort? When did I ever sneak around people who were stronger and more powerful than myself? But you, Peter -- I'll never understand why I didn't see you were the spy from the start. You always liked big friends who'd look after you, didn't you? It used to be us... me and Remus... and James..."

Pettigrew wiped his face again; he was almost panting for breath. "Me, a spy... must be out of your mind... never... don't know how you can say such a --"

"Lily and James only made you Secret-Keeper because I suggested it," Sirius hissed, so venomously that Pettigrew took a step backwards. "I thought it was the perfect plan... a bluff... Voldemort would be sure to come after me, would never dream they'd use a weak, talentless thing like you... It must have been the finest moment of your miserable life, telling Voldemort you could hand him the Potters."

Pettigrew was muttering distractedly; Remus caught words like "far-fetched" and "lunacy," but he couldn't help paying more attention to the ashen colour of Pettigrew's face and the way his eyes continued to dart toward the windows and door.

"Professor Lupin?" said Hermione timidly. "Can-- can I say something?"

"Certainly, Hermione," said Remus courteously. If no one distracted him he would hex Peter on the spot, the bastard.

"Well -- Scabbers -- I mean, this-- this man -- he's been sleeping in Harry's dormitory for three years. If he's working for You-Know-Who, how come he never tried to hurt Harry before now?"

"There!" said Pettigrew shrilly, pointing at Ron with his maimed hand. "Thank you! You see, Remus? I have never hurt a hair on Harry's head! Why should I?"

"I'll tell you why," said Sirius. "Because you never did anything for anyone unless you could see what was in it for you. Voldemort's been in hiding for fifteen years, they say he's half dead. You weren't about to commit murder right under Albus Dumbledore's nose, for a wreck of a wizard who'd lost all of his power, were you? You'd want to be quite sure he was the biggest bully in the playground before you went back to him, wouldn't you? Why else did you find a wizard family to take you in? Keeping an ear out for news, weren't you, Peter? Just in case your old protector regained strength, and it was safe to rejoin him...."

Pettigrew opened his mouth and closed it several times. He seemed to have lost the ability to talk.

"Er -- Mr Black -- Sirius?" said Hermione. Sirius jumped at being addressed like this and stared at Hermione as though he had never seen anything quite like her. If he hadn't been so distracted, Remus might just have laughed. "If you don't mind me asking, how -- how did you get out of Azkaban, if you didn't use Dark Magic?"

"Thank you!" gasped Pettigrew, nodding frantically at her. "Exactly! Precisely what I --" But Remus silenced him with a look. Sirius was frowning slightly at Hermione, but not as though he were annoyed with her. He seemed to be pondering his answer. Remus was at edge, he wanted to know this just as much.

"I don't know how I did it," he said slowly. "I think the only reason I never lost my mind is that I knew I was innocent. That wasn't a happy thought, so the dementors couldn't suck it out of me... but it kept me sane and knowing who I am... helped me keep my powers... so when it all became ... too much... I could transform in my cell... become a dog. Dementors can't see, you know...." He swallowed. "They feel their way toward people by feeding off their emotions... They could tell that my feelings were less -- less human, less complex when I was a dog... but they thought, of course, that I was losing my mind like everyone else in there, so it didn't trouble them. But I was weak, very weak, and I had no hope of driving them away from me without a wand.... But then I saw Peter in that picture... I realized he was at Hogwarts with Harry... perfectly positioned to act, if one hint reached his ears that the Dark Side was gathering strength again...."

Peter was shaking his head, mouthing noiselessly, but staring all the while at Sirius as though hypnotized. Remus could not avert his eyes either. He looked at his old friend with so much sorrow, it felt as if he was drowning. Everything he had seen and the things he had to endure...

"... ready to strike at the moment he could be sure of allies... and to deliver the last Potter to them. If he gave them Harry, who'd dare say he'd betrayed Lord Voldemort? He'd be welcomed back with honours... So you see, I had to do something. I was the only one who knew Peter was still alive...."

"It was as if someone had lit a fire In my head, and the dementors couldn't destroy it... It wasn't a happy feeling... it was an obsession... but it gave me strength, it cleared my mind. So, one night when they opened my door to bring food, I slipped past them as a dog... It's so much harder for them to sense animal emotions that they were confused... I was thin, very thin... thin enough to slip through the bars... I swam as a dog back to the mainland... I journeyed north and slipped into the Hogwarts grounds as a dog. I've been living in the forest ever since, except when I came to watch the Quidditch, of course. You fly as well as your father did, Harry...."

He looked at Harry, who did not look away.

"Believe me," croaked Sirius. "Believe me, Harry. I never betrayed James and Lily. I would have died before I betrayed them." 

And at long last, Harry believed him. Throat too tight to speak, he nodded. 

"No!" Peter had fallen to his knees as though Harry's nod had been his own death sentence. He shuffled forward on his knees, grovelling, his hands clasped in front of him as though praying.

"Sirius -- it's me... it's Pete... your friend... you wouldn't --" Sirius kicked out and Pettigrew recoiled.

"There's enough filth on my robes without you touching them," Sirius said emotionlessly.

"Remus!" Pettigrew squeaked, turning to him instead, writhing imploringly in front of him. "You don't believe this, wouldn't Sirius have told you they'd changed the plan? You two were..."

"Not if he thought I was the spy, Peter," said Remus. "I assume that's why you didn't tell me, Sirius?" he asked casually over Peter's head. They were in hiding together at the time, he must've done that to keep a closer look at him. It hurt, but he understood.

"Forgive me, Remus," said Sirius, his eyes really looking deeply sorry. 

"Not at all, Padfoot, old friend," said Remus, who was now rolling up his sleeves, carelessly exposing his scars. Everyone knew where they came from anyway. "And will you, in turn, forgive me for believing you were the spy for thirteen years?"

"Of course," said Sirius, and the ghost of a grin flitted across his gaunt face. He, too, began rolling up his sleeves. "Shall we kill him together?"

"Yes, I think so," replied Remus grimly.

"You wouldn't... you won't...," gasped Pettigrew. And he scrambled around to Ron. "Ron... haven't I been a good friend... a good pet? You won't let them kill me, Ron, will you... you're on my side, aren't you."

But Ron was staring at Pettigrew with the utmost revulsion. "I let you sleep in my bed!" he said.

"Kind boy... kind master..." Pettigrew crawled toward Ron "You won't let them do it... I was your rat... I was a good pet...."

"If you made a better rat than a human, it's not much to boast about, Peter," said Sirius harshly. Ron, going still paler with pain, wrenched his broken leg out of Pettigrew's reach. Pettigrew turned on his knees, staggered forward, and seized the hem of Hermione's robes.

"Sweet girl... clever girl... you -- you won't let them... Help me...."

Hermione pulled her robes out of Pettigrew's clutching hands and backed away against the wall, looking horrified. Pettigrew knelt, trembling uncontrollably, and turned his head slowly toward Harry. "Harry... Harry... you look just like your father... just like him...."

"HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO HARRY?" roared Sirius. "HOW DARE YOU FACE HIM? HOW DARE YOU TALK ABOUT JAMES IN FRONT OF HIM?"

"Harry," whispered Peter, shuffling toward him, hands outstretched. "Harry, James wouldn't have wanted me killed... James would have understood, Harry... he would have shown me mercy..."

Both Sirius and Remus now strode forward, seized Peter's shoulders, and threw him backwards onto the floor. He sat there, twitching with terror, staring up at them.

"You sold Lily and James to Voldemort," said Sirius, who was shaking too. "Do you deny it?" Remus plucked up the courage and took Sirius' hand a sign that he was there with him and for him, that he wasn't alone anymore. The other didn't pull away.

Pettigrew burst into tears. It was horrible to watch, like an oversized, balding baby, cowering on the floor. "Sirius, Sirius, what could I have done? The Dark Lord... you have no idea... he has weapons you can't imagine... I was scared, Sirius, I was never brave like you and Remus and James. I never meant it to happen... He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named forced me --"

"DON'T LIE!" bellowed Sirius. "YOU'D BEEN PASSING INFORMATION TO HIM FOR A YEAR BEFORE LILY AND JAMES DIED! YOU WERE HIS SPY!"

"He-- he was taking over everywhere!" gasped Pettigrew. "Wh -- what was there to be gained by refusing him?"

"What was there to be gained by fighting the most evil wizard who has ever existed?" said Sirius, with a terrible fury in his face. His hand shook in Remus's. "Only innocent lives, Peter!"

"You don't understand!" whined Pettigrew. "He would have killed me, Sirius!"

"THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE DIED!" roared Sirius. "DIED RATHER THAN BETRAY YOUR FRIENDS, AS WE WOULD HAVE DONE FOR YOU!" He and Remus stood shoulder to shoulder, wands raised.

"You should have realized," said Remus quietly, "if Voldemort didn't kill you, we would. Good-bye, Peter."

Hermione covered her face with her hands and turned to the wall.

"NO!" Harry yelled. He ran forward, placing himself in front Pettigrew, facing the wands. "You can't kill him," he said breathlessly. "You can't."

Sirius and Remus both looked staggered.

"Harry, this piece of vermin is the reason you have no parents," Sirius snarled. "This cringing bit of filth would have seen you die too, without turning a hair. You heard him. His own stinking skin meant more to him than your whole family."

"I know," Harry panted. "We'll take him up to the castle. We'll hand him over to the dementors... He can go to Azkaban... but don't kill him."

"Harry!" gasped Pettigrew, and he flung his arms around Harry's knees. "You -- thank you -- it's more than I deserve -- thank you --"

"Get off me," Harry spat, throwing Peter's hands off him in disgust. "I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing it because -- I don't reckon my dad would've wanted his two best friends to become killers -- just for you."

No one moved or made a sound except Pettigrew, whose breath was coming in wheezes as he clutched his chest. Remus and Sirius were looking at each other. He deserved to die. But was it not Harry who had to decide? Remus squeezed Sirius' hand inconspicuously. Then, with one movement, they lowered their wands.

"You're the only person who has the right to decide, Harry," said Sirius. "But think... think what he did...."

"He can go to Azkaban," Harry repeated. "If anyone deserves that place, he does...."

Pettigrew was still wheezing behind him.

"Very well," said Remus. "Stand aside, Harry." Harry hesitated. "I'm going to tie him up," he added. "That's all, I swear." Harry stepped out of the way. An intrusive though whispered in his ear to kill him, no matter what Harry was saying. He raised his wand, he knew the spell, he could do it-- he could end it... But thin cords shot from Remus' wand and next moment, Pettigrew was wriggling on the floor, bound and gagged. He had decided. Whether this was the right or wrong decision, only time could show now.

"But if you transform, Peter," growled Sirius, his own wand pointing at Pettigrew too, "we will kill you. You agree, Harry?" Harry looked down at the pitiful figure on the floor and nodded so that Pettigrew could see him.

"Right," said Remus, suddenly businesslike. Someone had to bring order to the situation. "Ron, I can't mend bones nearly as well as Madam Pomfrey, so I think it's best if we just strap your leg up until we can get you to the hospital wing."

He hurried over to Ron, bent down, tapped Ron's leg with his wand, and muttered, "Ferula." Bandages spun up Ron's leg, strapping it tightly to a splint. Remus helped him to his feet; Ron put his weight gingerly on the leg and didn't wince.

"That's better," he said. "Thanks."

"What about Professor Snape?" said Hermione in a small voice, looking down at Snape's prone figure.

"There's nothing seriously wrong with him," said Remus, bending over Snape and checking his pulse. "You were just a little -- overenthusiastic. Still out cold. Er -- perhaps it will be best if we don't revive him until we're safely back in the castle. We can take him like this...." he muttered, "Mobilicorpus." As though invisible strings were tied to Snape's wrists, neck, and knees, he was pulled into a standing position, head still lolling unpleasantly, like a grotesque puppet. He hung a few inches above the ground, his limp feet dangling. Remus picked up the Invisibility Cloak and tucked it safely into his pocket.

"And two of us should be chained to this," said Sirius, nudging Pettigrew with his toe. "Just to make sure."

"I'll do it," said Remus. He wanted to ensure Peter got to the dementors.

"And me," said Ron savagely, limping forward. Sirius conjured heavy manacles from thin air; soon Pettigrew was upright again, left arm chained to Lupin's right, right arm to Ron's left. Ron's face was set. He seemed to have taken his rat's true identity as a personal insult. 

Crookshanks leapt lightly off the bed and led the way out of the room, his bottlebrush tail held jauntily high.

26.THE DISASTER

None of them had ever been part of a stranger group. Crookshanks led the way down the stairs; Remus, Peter, and Ron went next, looking like entrants in a six-legged race. Next came Professor Snape, drifting creepily along, his toes hitting each stair as they descended, held up by his own wand, which was being pointed at him by Sirius. Harry and Hermione brought up the rear.

Getting back into the tunnel was difficult. Remus, Pettigrew, and Ron had to turn sideways to manage it; Lupin still had Pettigrew covered with his wand. Harry could see them edging awkwardly along the tunnel in single file. Crookshanks was still in the lead. Harry went right after Sirius, who was still making Snape drift along ahead of them; he kept bumping his lolling head on the low ceiling. Remus had the impression that Sirius was making no effort to prevent this, even when he rolled his eyes at him.

"You know what this means?" Remus heard Sirius say abruptly to Harry as they made their slow progress along the tunnel. "Turning Pettigrew in?"

"You're free," answered Harry.

"Yes...," said Sirius. "But I'm also -- I don't know if anyone ever told you -- I'm your godfather." Remus smiled to himself hearing the words.

"Yeah, I knew that," said Harry.

"Well... your parents appointed me your guardian," Sirius told him stiffly. Remus knew how awkward this was for him. It had always been weird to talk to Harry as though they didn't know each other. "If anything happened to them..." There was a silence. Was Sirius really proposing what Remus thought he was?

"I'll understand, of course, if you want to stay with your aunt and uncle," Sirius continued "But... well... think about it. Once my name's cleared... if you wanted a... a different home..."

Remus turned his head to see Harry's face light up.

"What -- live with you?" he said, accidentally cracking his head on a bit of rock protruding from the ceiling. "Leave the Dursleys?"

"Of course, I thought you wouldn't want to," said Sirius quickly. "I understand, I just thought I'd--"

"Are you insane?" said Harry, his voice easily as croaky Sirius'. "Of course I want to leave the Dursleys! Have you got a house? When can I move in?"

Remus saw as Sirius turned right around to look at him; Snape's head was scraping the ceiling but Sirius didn't seem to care.

"You want to?" he said. "You mean it?"

"Yeah, I mean it!" said Harry.

Sirius's gaunt face broke into another true smile, like the one he had given Remus earlier. The difference it made was startling, as though a person ten years younger were shining through the starved mask; for a moment, he was recognizable as the man who had laughed with him in Hogwarts. It made Remus' heart melt on the spot.

No one spoke until they had reached the end of the tunnel. Remus daydreamed about the future he wanted so badly. It contained wonderful things like living with Sirius and maybe even Harry... living in a nice small house in Lincolnshire or perhaps Dorset... working in Hogwarts as a DADA teacher... owning an ungodly amount of pets. Overall, a future so wonderful, it took his breath away... a future so wonderful, that it was, as he would soon realize, impossible for him to ever take part in. How impossible it really was, he saw moments after exiting the tree.

Crookshanks darted up first; he had evidently pressed his paw to the knot on the trunk because Remus, Pettigrew, and Ron clambered upward without any sound of savaging branches. Sirius saw Snape up through the hole, then stood back for Harry and Hermione to pass. At last, all of them were out.

The grounds were very dark now; the only light came from the distant windows of the castle. Without a word, they set off. Pettigrew was still wheezing and occasionally whimpering. Remus' mind was buzzing. He was feeling anxious and frantic, even though the worst was over; he had no clue as to why his heart was pumping so hard.

"One wrong move, Peter," Remus threated. His wand was still pointed sideways at Pettigrew's chest.

Silently they tramped through the grounds, the castle lights growing slowly larger. Snape was still drifting weirdly ahead of Black, his chin bumping on his chest. And then -

A cloud shifted. There were suddenly dim shadows on the ground. Their party was bathed in moonlight.

Snape collided with Remus, Pettigrew, and Ron, who had stopped abruptly. Sirius froze. He flung out one arm to make Harry and Hermione stop.  

Remus had gone rigid. He stared up at the moon. That was what had caused his anxiety. The full moon shone down on them.

 Remus' limbs began to shake in a familiar way. His pupils dilated. His blood pressure rose. Every noise around him was blocked out, just like his vision and sense of touch. All he felt was this sharp, mind-numbing pain in his body that no words could express. He fought against it with all his might. Not now, please god not now!

"Oh, my --" Hermione gasped. "He didn't take his potion tonight! He's not safe!"

"Run," Sirius whispered. "Run. Now."

Ron was chained to Pettigrew and Lupin. Harry leapt forward to help but Sirius caught him around the chest and threw him back.

"Leave it to me -- RUN!" 

There was a terrible snarling noise. Remus' head was lengthening. So was his body, breaking one bone after another. His shoulders were hunching. Hair was sprouting visibly on his face and hands, which were curling into clawed paws. He felt like he was being ripped to shreds. He was dying. Every cell of his body felt on fire as his eyes fixated on the moon. The white and silvery light was pumping through his veins, and within the next blink, it was everywhere. And just like that Remus was gone-- the werewolf had emerged.

As the werewolf reared, snapping its long jaws, Sirius disappeared from Harry's side. He had transformed. The enormous, bearlike dog bounded forward. As the werewolf wrenched itself free of the manacle binding it, the dog seized it about the neck and pulled it backwards, away from Ron and Pettigrew. They were locked, jaw to jaw, claws ripping at each other. The werewolf was furiously trying to swing out at the dog. All the dog tried was to keep it in check, time for the rest of the group to get away-- while not being bitten himself.

The students stood, transfixed by the sight, too intent upon the battle to notice anything else. It was Hermione's scream that alerted him -- Pettigrew had dived for Remus' dropped wand. Ron, unsteady on his bandaged leg, fell. There was a bang, a burst of light -- and Ron lay motionless on the ground. Another bang -- Crookshanks flew into the air and back to the earth in a heap.

"Expelliarmus," Harry yelled, pointing his own wand at Pettigrew; Remus' wand flew high into the air and out of sight. "Stay where you are!" Harry shouted, running forward. Too late. Pettigrew had transformed. Harry saw his bald tail whip through the manacle on Ron's outstretched arm and heard a scurrying through the grass.

The dog accomplished getting on top of the werewolf and pinning it down. He looked at it, searching for the human in its face. For a second the dog felt as though he had seen Remus Lupin in the werewolf's eyes, but then it freed itself from the dog's grasp, throwing him backwards. The werewolf managed to injure the dog severely this time. He was bleeding and fell back as the werewolf took flight towards the forest, howling. The dog watched it, growling in pain.

"Sirius, he's gone, Pettigrew transformed!" 

The werewolf heard the voices, but it wanted to be in the forest. It howled loudly, scaring away animals that came its way. It trotted around silently and even slew a bird when the air suddenly grew cold. It froze, sneaking behind a bush by the lake, it saw dementors circling two people. Seeing the humans, the werewolf became aggressive again but didn't dare fight the dementors. It hurried off into the night, terrorising the forest until the break of dawn.

27.THE RESIGNATION

Shortly after half-past four o'clock that night, the sun started to rise. The werewolf had terrorized the forest for hours when it felt the pain start to rise in its chest. It let out agonized howls of terror, scratching its hurting limbs to try and stop it. Its body shrunk severely and the fur disappeared. Left panting hard on the damp forest floor, was Professor Remus Lupin.

Dressed in the clothes he had worn before he transformed, he sat leaned against a tree, trying to catch his breath. His wounds stung terribly, but what was worse were his thoughts. He swore loudly a couple of times.

What happened? he asked himself. His memory was clouded like it tended to be when the werewolf took ahold of him and acted in its own aggressive manner. Did I hurt anyone? he wondered, looking at the blood on his hands and clothes. I fucking hope this is my own blood.

After regaining his strength, he walked back to the Whomping Willow to collect his wand. It was still close to pitch black outside, but he had a feeling the willow was where he lost control of the wolf. And truly, as soon as he laid eyes on the tree, memories were floating back to him. He had been fighting a big, black dog. Sirius. Sirius! He had been in the Shrieking Shack with him! And Peter Pettigrew. Ron, Hermione, Harry. Snape. Everything came back at once. He broke out into a run, as best he could. His side ached horrendously, he was sure something was broken somewhere in his body. 

When he entered the castle, he heard voices. He quickly hid behind a corner. No one needed to see him like that. Blood was pulsing in his ears so loudly, he had trouble listening to the people talking. But he was just so on edge. What had happened to Sirius? Did they catch Peter? Had Remus harmed him?

"There is no way Potter had nothing to do with it," said a voice. It was quiet but furious. Remus identified it immediately-- Severus Snape was talking to someone. The other person stayed silent the entire time, but two sets of footsteps echoed from the walls.

"The Dementors were already on their way to perform their kiss on shortly after midnight. He was left alone locked in for ten minutes at the same time that they had left Potter alone in the Hospital wing and I can assure you that he helped Black flee. In my opinion, both Black and that crazed lunatic werewolf running around on the school's grounds this very second just both be executed on the spot. But Dumbledore has always made exceptions for maniacs. If only the Minister wasn't so blind..." the voices went quieter and quieter, until they were gone.

Remus ran up the stairs as fast as he could. If it was true that Sirius had fled, he had to find him, he had to! Now that he had discovered the truth--

"Sherbet Lemon," Remus panted when he reached the headmaster's office. The stone moved and he jumped up three stairs at a time. Without knocking he burst in.

"Where is he?" he asked, leaning heavily onto the chair in front of Dumbledore's desk. He was aware that he was covered in blood, dirt and sweat, but he didn't care. He just needed to know--

"Sirius escaped using the Hippogriff Buckbeak. He's travelling South. Peter exited the school's grounds when you transformed. Harry, Ron and Hermione are shaken by the events, but well. Severus is infuriated," informed Dumbledore. He spoke calmly from his chair, studying Remus. 

Remus' head dropped and he looked down. On one hand, he was so relieved. Sirius didn't get kissed, he was alive. He was alive and well. But on the other hand... he would never be truly free until they found Peter, which wouldn't happen. Remus promised himself that he would find him; he had a lot to say.

"Peter got away?" he panted, looking up at Dumbledore.

"Yes, unfortunately. Yet, it wasn't all for nothing. The truth was uncovered tonight, as it should have been thirteen years ago. We can remain a voice for reason, for justice, and for love. Tonight was a night of choices, and, in my humble opinion, the right choices have been made."

Remus leaned on the back of the chair and took a deep breath. Peter got away, but he had Sirius back. Well, he would have him back soon. His tense muscled relaxed a bit, he closed his eyes and let the realization wash over him.

Now that Remus' mind was not clouded by worry anymore, he could think rationally again. He realized where he even was, who he was talking to. How did Dumbledore even know about everything that happened? How did he know that Sirius was not a convict trying to save his own skin with a cover story and three confounded thirteen-year-olds? How could he know all that? 

Unless...-- Then it dawned on Remus. He saw past Dumbledore's carefully chosen words, he saw how he was avoiding him, he saw it all. Dumbledore had known all this time. He lied, the whole time.

He looked up slowly. He saw that the headmaster had followed every thought he had just had, Remus knew he could read minds easily like one may read books.

"Listen--..." Dumbledore began, but Remus cut him off.

"You told me not to pursue it! You told me he was guilty!" he yelled. He remembered it as though it was yesterday. Crying his eyes out in front of the court the day Sirius had been convicted thirteen years ago. Begging Dumbledore to do something, anything. Breaking down because this was his Sirius and he would have never done such a thing. Dumbledore telling him to let go, telling him that Sirius had indeed passed their secret information to Voldemort. It was fresh in his mind and undoubtedly the worst thing that had ever happened to him. He started shaking, fighting back his tears.

"I did not know," answered Dumbledore, his voice sounded calm and reserved; it burned in Remus' ears. "No more than you did, Remus."

"I-- DID-- KNOW!" Remus exploded with anger, "I TOLD YOU! I TOLD YOU HE WAS INNOCENT AND YOU FUCKING TOLD ME TO LET IT GO! You-- I-- TWELVE YEARS HE ROTTED IN THAT FUCKING CELL! TWELVE YEARS AND YOU DID NOTHING! You-- you........."

Remus drew himself up, doing his best to stop shaking, and took a deep breath. 

"I quit," he said bluntly, then turned and walked away. Dumbledore didn't say another thing or tried to stop him.

The whole morning Remus spent his time packing his things. It was something to do, which he needed desperately so he wouldn't turn mad. Sitting around made him feel useless. And he did not want to spend more time in this godforsaken castle than necessary, not while Sirius was out there and not everything was said and done between them.

At one point, after the sun had fully risen, Madam Pomfrey and Professor McGonagall came to see him. The nurse fixed his cuts right up, leaving more scars on his torso and arms; she couldn't make those disappear, not when caused by a werewolf. Meanwhile, Minerva explained everything that happened after Remus transformed the night before. The dementors, the hospital wing, the time-turning, then rescuing Sirius and sending him off. Then, shaking with anger, Minerva told him that in fury, Severus had told the Slytherins that he was a werewolf and had roamed the grounds that night. Remus wasn't surprised and calmed his colleague down, saying that it was alright and he didn't mind. Minerva was still enraged but believed him. 

"Is that why you quit?" she asked. Remus shook his head as he straightened up. He decided not to talk about Dumbledore or Sirius.

"No," he said simply," I just can't keep doing this. I wish I could."

Noon had passed and Remus had almost packed all his things. He looked in the mirror. His eyes were bloodshot, and he looked tired. Sighing, he reached under his robes and got out the Marauder's map. After sitting down at his desk, he tapped it with his wand and studied it. The castle was almost empty, everyone went out for the very last Hogsmeade visit. The first and second years were all at the lake, relaxing and enjoying the sun. He spotted Harry, Ron and Hermione with Hagrid outside his hut. 

Minerva and Dumbledore were sitting still in the headmaster's office, Remus could only assume they talked about the events of the night before. He sighed again, he hadn't quite comprehended what had happened. Prove for Sirius' innocence was more than he could have ever asked for, but it had slipped under their grasp. Peter had escaped. If this had happened on any other day of the month, if Remus hadn't been forced to transform, who knows what would have happened, it would have been so wonderful. But of course, his lycanthropy had to go and ruin it again. Like always.

He looked at the map again, only to see Harry Potter running up the stairwell. The black dot labelled with his name sped towards Remus' office until he heard his footsteps in the corridor outside. His door stood open and Harry appeared in the frame-- he looked slightly out of breath and shaken.

"I saw you coming," said Remus, smiling. He pointed to the map he had been poring over, knowing Harry would recognize it.

"I just saw Hagrid," said Harry, desperate. "And he said you'd resigned. It's not true, is it?"

"I'm afraid it is," said Remus. He started opening his desk drawers and taking out the contents.

"Why?" said Harry. "The Ministry of Magic don't think you were helping Sirius, do they?"

Remus crossed to the door and closed it behind Harry. "No. Professor Dumbledore managed to convince Fudge that I was trying to save your lives." He sighed, recalling what Minerva had told him. "That was the final straw for Severus. I think the loss of the Order of Merlin hit him hard. So he-- er... -- accidentally let slip that I am a werewolf this morning at breakfast."

"You're not leaving just because of that!" said Harry. Remus smiled wryly. It was charming, how Harry cared so little about him being a werewolf that he was truly oblivious to how much other people hated werewolves for being what they were and their transformations-- for something that they couldn't change about themselves. This was truly James and Lily's son, they had never even cared remotely about it-- cared for him, always, but they had never judged him for his lycanthropy.

"This time tomorrow, the owls will start arriving from parents... They will not want a werewolf teaching their children, Harry. And after last night, I see their point. I could have bitten any of you... That must never happen again," explained Remus. He decided to share only parts of his reasons-- he didn't want to burden Harry any further, especially not with anything got to do with Professor Dumbledore. He would rather have Harry trust Dumbledore unconditionally.

"You're the best Defense Against the Dark Arts- teacher we've ever had!" said Harry frantically. "Don't go!"

Remus shook his head and didn't speak. He carried on emptying his drawers, so he didn't have to look at his student. The statement was filled with so much honesty, so much respect. It almost did make him change his mind.

Then, while Harry seemed to be thinking of a good argument to make him stay, Remus said, "From what the headmaster and Professor McGonagall told me this morning, you saved a lot of lives last night, Harry. If I'm proud of anything I've done this year, it's how much you've learned... Tell me about your Patronus."

"How d'you know about that?" said Harry, distracted.

"What else could have driven the dementors back?"

Harry told Lupin what had happened. How Sirius had been injured after his fight with the werewolf and how he had found him at the lake. It seemed that the dementors had found Sirius and Harry tried to conjure a patronus, but only the future version of himself on the other side of the lake had managed. When Harry told him it was a stag, he smiled widely.

"Yes, your father was always a stag when he transformed," he said. "You guessed right... that's why we called him Prongs." Remus threw his last few books into his case, closed the desk drawers, and turned to look at Harry.

"Here -- I brought this from the Shrieking Shack last night," he said, handing Harry back the Invisibility Cloak. "And..." He hesitated, then held out the Marauder's Map too. "I am no longer your teacher, so I don't feel guilty about giving you back this as well. It's no use to me, and I daresay you, Ron, and Hermione will find uses for it."

Harry took the map and grinned. "You told me Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs would've wanted to lure me out of school... you said they'd have thought it was funny."

"And so we would have," said Lupin, now reaching down to close his case. "I have no hesitation in saying that James would have been highly disappointed if his son had never found any of the secret passages out of the castle."

There was a knock on the door. Harry hastily stuffed the Marauder's Map and the Invisibility Cloak into his pocket. It was Dumbledore. He didn't look surprised to see Harry there.

"Your carriage is at the gates, Remus," he said.

"Thank You, Headmaster." Remus picked up his old suitcase and the empty grindylow tank, but avoided to look at the headmaster. After the tantrum he had thrown in his office this morning, he was surprised he even came to see him.

"Well -- good-bye, Harry," he said, smiling. "It has been a real pleasure teaching you. I feel sure we'll meet again sometime." Then he hesitated for a second and then added quietly, just for Harry to hear. "I'll find Sirius. I can make him write you a letter if you want. I'm sure he has a lot of things to say."

"I'd like that. Letters, from the both of you." Harry answered and Remus turned around.

"Headmaster, there is no need to see me to the gates, I can manage...." he said loudly, now wanting to leave as quickly as possible.

"Good-bye, then, Remus," said Dumbledore soberly. Remus shifted the grindylow tank slightly so that he and Dumbledore could shake hands.

Then, with a final nod to Harry and a swift smile, Professor Remus Lupin left the office.

28.THE FIGHT

A week had passed since Remus Lupin had left Hogwarts. He had to admit, he had wanted to search for Sirius Black right away, but his body had taken advantage of him. He had gone two whole days without sleeping, so after checking into a muggle hotel in the middle of London, he had slept for a good thirty hours. 

When he woke up, he didn't quite know what to do with himself. He needed a plan, it wouldn't be easy to find Sirius. The whole world was searching for him, he must have gone very deep into hiding. 

So Remus dressed into muggle clothing and hexed his luggage so it would fit in the pocket of his black jeans. He made sure he left no traces behind and apparated to Diagon Alley. It was a place to start. 

For the next three days, Remus lived in the Leaky Cauldron. He watched, he listened, he waited. There was no word about Sirius, except that he had escaped from right under the nose of the ministry again. While no sign of Sirius was definitely a good sign, because it meant that he had gotten away without complications, it frustrated Remus anyway. He had to find him, he just had to.

The bookshop Flourish & Blotts was usually where he spent his time; though, for the purpose of finding Sirius, he dressed in the shaggiest cloak he owned and made his way down Knockturn Ally occasionally. Here, witches and wizards of the darker kind roamed the streets, selling forbidden items and conversing quietly about illegalities. 

But it was of no use. No one mentioned a place that had any correlation to Sirius.

 So Remus spent another afternoon walking up and down the almost completely deserted Diagon Alley. He talked to some people here and there, but mostly he watched. It was a sunny day, but he took no joy in the warm light dancing around the street.

Very suddenly, he noticed something that almost made him fall over. Right there, on top of a pillar, laid Crookshanks, Hermione Granger's cat. It was undoubtedly him, there was no second cat in the world that looked like him. Remus went over, cautiously stroking its head. 

"Hello there, good Sir," he mumbled, rubbing the orange fur. He earned a purr. "How did you get here? You don't happen to know where Sirius is? Your friend, the dog?" 

Crookshanks stood up and let a shiny black pebble fall to the floor. Then the cat jumped from the pillar and disappeared around the next corner. Remus stared after it, then bent down to pick up the pebble. It looked to be the same one he had received for Christmas, but when he touched it, everything went black.

He felt as if he was being ripped from his body and launched forwards, yet it didn't hurt, it just tingled.

Before he could think further, he landed harshly on the ground. He opened his eyes to take in wherever he was; there was only little light-- the figure standing above him stood in the shadows. There was a wand pointed straight at his face. 

"Where the hell am I?" he said, his hand reaching for his own wand, but the figure in front of him disarmed him quickly. 

"Tell me something only Remus Lupin could know," the man demanded, his wand arm steady. Remus gaped at him. 

"Sirius? What are you doing?" he asked, having recognized the voice in an instant. Where did he get the wand from? Why was he threatening him? What was going on?

"Tell me something only Remus Lupin would know. You have five seconds or you will regret it," replied Sirius, and knowing him, that was not an empty threat.

"Uh-- you're an Animagus. Dog-- black dog," Remus stuttered, perplexed, backing away from the wand as best he could, given he was laying on the floor. The hard stone was cutting into his back.

"Something better," spat Sirius. 

"Come on, Padfoot, stop this madness." Remus couldn't help it, he rolled his eyes. "What details do you want to hear? That you're an Animagus because of me? That you were at Hogwarts with me and we were part of the Marauders? Maybe that you're fucking lactose intolerant?"

Sirius lowered his wand in an instant and left the shadows to offer Remus his hand to pull him up. "Why do you even know that?" he asked, frowning.

"I've literally lived with you for ten years of my life, I know these petty things," he answered, shrugging. 

"Me? Petty? You're still the most coldblooded bastard Hogwarts has ever seen," laughed Sirius, with a glow in his eyes.

"I might be, but you're still overly dramatic," retorted Remus, also smiling.

"Good one, Moony." 

They both laughed now. Remus looked at Sirius and he couldn't believe it. The emotions were overpowering him and he as good as flung himself around Sirius' neck. Sirius managed to catch him, putting his arms around him. He smiled and laughed against his shoulder, while Remus buried his face in his neck.

"God, Sirius," he mumbled. 

"I know," he said back, holding him close. They stayed like that for a moment. Then Remus pulled away, feeling like his heart was on fire.

"Where am I? And how did I get here?" he asked, looking around in the cold, dark cave entrance he was in. Warm evening light was falling through the opening. He could see trees outside, a bird was chirping in the distance.

"I made the stone into a portkey," Sirius shrugged, "it was the easiest way." He took Remus by the hand and lead him to the edge of the cave, where there was a five-foot drop straight down. They sat down at the very edge, looking over the forest.

"So you randomly make portkeys now?" Remus joked. He was impressed, he knew creating such an object was highly advanced. 

"I guess so. I asked Crookshanks for one last favour, he should bring it to you. It worked, so why not?" Sirius answered. There was a silence as they watched the sun sink lower and lower. They had so much to say but neither of them knew how to start.

"Can I be honest for a second?" Sirius spoke up. Remus studied his face carefully.

"Of course," he said, turning his body towards him to signal that he had his full attention.

"I don't really know what comes next, Remus," he began. He looked into the distance as he spoke. "I have no idea, frankly. My name has not been cleared, so nothing changed. Peter got away, I can't hunt him down because he went back to Voldemort and I can't step outside for too long without being hunted down myself; I saw two dementors today, in broad daylight. And after what happened in Hogwarts last week, I bet the Ministry has spies everywhere; that's why I asked you to prove your identity. Sorry about that, by the way. So, what am I to do? I can't exactly just hide until the situation dies down, it will never. Don't look at me like that, you know it won't. "

Remus nodded. It would never die down. The second he showed his face in public, he would be arrested.

"So, what are we going to do?" he asked, looking at Sirius, who frowned.

"What do you mean 'we'? This is my problem. You can go wherever you want. I don't know what's going on in your life, but you surely have people to go back to. My... situation doesn't affect you, Remus, and I'm glad it doesn't," he said and Remus could just stare. Was Sirius trying to say goodbye? Talk to him one last time and then leave him be?

"You've lost your mind," Remus whispered, looking wide-eyed at his old friend. 

"Is that news to you?" Sirius joked.

How could he believe a single word he was saying. If it was on Remus, he would never leave his side again. For thirteen years he had unknowingly waited for him, and now that he finally had him back Sirius wanted to get rid of him, just like that. Why was he trying to push him away? It made him kind of mad.

Remus let his head sink onto Sirius' shoulder as he tried to think. Many moments passed until someone spoke.

"I don't not what you're trying to do here, I really don't," began Remus," but I know that I won't let you. If there's one thing I've learned, then that you have to fight for what you love."

"I'm not trying to push you away, Remus. I've been alone for thirteen years, I would love for you to stay with me. All I'm saying is, that my life is going to be miserable for a long, long time, if not forever; I would understand if you don't want to endure that with me. I don't want you to suffer anymore because of me, don't you understand that?"

"Miserable life forever? Low chances of anything getting better ever? Could end in death or lifelong imprisonment? Sounds like a plan, where do I sign up?" Remus smiled sarcastically. But he meant it. If that was what it took to be with Sirius, then be it. 

"You are clearly the one who lost his mind," stated Sirius, grinning like an idiot. "But for real, don't you have like... things to do? A home? Friends, family? Anything? You can't just suddenly say you'll disappear from the face of the earth with me."

Remus shrugged. "Not really. What did you expect? Wife and Kids? Job at the Ministry? Yeah sure."

"Why not? I thought you were a teacher at Hogwarts now," Sirius leaned back on his elbows, looking at him, genuinely curious.  "Which is absolutely amazing by the way."

"It is quite amazing, and certainly the best job I have ever worked. The only job I can ever imagine working as from now on. Truly a beautiful profession, I have honestly loved it," Remus rambled mindlessly.

"That's wonderful. See, I don't want you to give up that position just to stay with me," he argued, looking up at Remus from his half laying position.

"I quit the morning after what happened in the shack."

"You what now?!" Sirius sat upright, shocked. "Why?"

"Dumbledore," shrugged Remus simply. 

"I don't understand. Dumbledore is a good man, he didn't fire you because of what happened, did he?" he asked.

Remus couldn't help but feel a random spike of hate towards the headmaster. "If you ask me, I don't think he is that good a man. Everyone always says he is, that we should all trust him, that he knows best. That's why we all believe that because everyone is saying it. But I have fairly never seen anyone who is more selfish than Albus Dumbledore."

"Dumbledore selfish? Damn, Moons, where is all this anger coming from?" questioned Sirius, slightly concerned.

"Has Dumbledore not always used us as marionettes for his own gain? Has Dumbledore not saved Severus Snape from an eternity in Azkaban-- or even death-- for the single reason that Severus could be of use to him? Has Dumbledore not let you rot in your cell for over a decade, just because you would not be of use to him anymore? Has Dumbledore not robbed Harry of a childhood in a wonderful and loving family by refusing to make himself secret keeper for James and Lily? Has Dumbledore not stolen Harry the chance to at least grow up in the wizarding world with his respectful guardian by not giving evidence in your favour to the ministry? By Merlin, there is not a single fucking reason under the sun that would justify sending an innocent man to prison and sending an orphan boy to an abusive family every damn year." 

Sirius just stared at Remus, dumbfounded.

"I told him, Sirius. I swear I did. I told him when you were in holding that you were innocent and that he had to testify-- that he had to tell them-- that he had to do anything! I said you were innocent and he knew and he still did nothing! He advised me to let it go and be a fucking adult for once like I wasn't twenty-one fucking years old and he hadn't just ruined my fucking life, and yours, and Harry's. I swear I tried e-..." Remus' voice broke, he was shaking with fury, his eyes darkened and he had never felt more like a werewolf. Raw anger was ripping at his insides. Where did this come from?

"God, Remus. I thought I was the one who's always angry, damn." Sirius blinked twice, his eyebrows raised. He looked severely confused."I'm sure Dumbledore did everything he can for me, and he certainly wants but the best for Harry."

Remus jumped up, spikes of energy nudging him. "You've lost your mind!" he spat. "You've got to be kidding me, why are you defending him?! After everything he did to you, you can't seriously still say he's this wonderful man everyone says he is. I can't believe it!"

Sirius slowly rose as well. He had no idea where all of this came from, he didn't know Remus like this at all. "Calm down, please."

"You know what, fuck it. I'm leaving," Remus announced and turned around. Anger was clouding his rationality. He walked towards the other edge of the cliff to disapparate, taking his wand out of his belt at the same time. He'd had enough of this, he was better off alone. 

29. THE RECONCILIATION

Remus jumped up, spikes of energy nudging him. "You've lost your mind!" he spat. "You've got to be kidding me, why are you defending him?! I can't believe this!"

Sirius slowly rose as well. He had no idea where all of this came from, he didn't know Remus like this at all. "Calm down, please."

"You know what, fuck it. I'm leaving," Remus announced and turned around. Anger was clouding his rationality. He walked towards the other edge of the cliff to disapparate, taking his wand out of his belt at the same time. He'd had enough of this, he was better off alone. 

"Expelliarmus!" yelled Sirius hastily, his heart racing with panic. Then he stood there, two wands in his hand, watching as Remus turned around, gritting his teeth.

"Did you actually just do that?" Remus asked coldly.

"You are not leaving, I just got you back. Why are you so angry?"

"I'm very curious as to how you would try to stop me, Black. Give me my wand."

"No."

"You have three seconds."

"You are not intimidating, love, I currently have two wands and you have none." Sirius smiled lightly, but it didn't reach his worried eyes.

There was a silence as the two eyed each other up. Remus didn't know why he was so angry, he just was. This was pent up aggression from thirteen years of bottling it up. About Sirius, about Dumbledore, about everything.

"Listen, I get what you're saying about Dumbledore. He made mistakes, surely. But so did you, and so did I. Many of them. We're all just human, we can't always be perfect and do the right thing all the time," said Sirius carefully, scared of setting him off.

"Very interesting. If so, then tell me, what did I do wrong? What are my mistakes? What did I do to deserve being left alone for twelve years? I'd like to know," Remus said, his cold, dark undertone indicating more than his words. Was it not Sirius' fault he had been in that situation? What did he ever have to do with it?

"I never said you deserved it, of course you didn't, but you can shove your accusations elsewhere, man. I know that I was the one who suggested Peter as secret keeper, thinking that it was the perfect bluff. That I was the one who didn't tell Dumbledore. That I was the one who left that night without telling you. That I was the one who blindly went after Peter after realizing what he had done. That I was the one who got himself locked up. That I was the one who left you alone, I fucking know, I've known nothing else for twelve years in my cell, thank you very much."

"At least you didn't sit at home, waiting for the man you loved to come home, worrying where he might be. At least you didn't receive a message through a patronus from the Order, saying your best friends died through the hand of your partner, who was, by the way, a spy for Voldemort for god-knows how long! You didn't doubt if the man you loved ever cared about you at all..." Remus retorted angrily, trying to stare Sirius down.

"As if I chose to abandon you and get my best friend killed! AS IF I CHOSE TO KILL JAMES AND LILY. AS IF I CHOSE TO BE INCARCERATED IN THAT DAMN CELL FOR A DECADE!"

"I LOVED YOU, SIRIUS! AND YOU LEFT!"

"I DIDNT CHOOSE TO!"

"I DONT CARE!"

But Sirius seemed to have enough of these allegations. He walked towards Remus, who backed down until his back hit the cave wall. Suddenly, he was scared rather than angry. This was a madman who had sat in Azkaban for twelve years, currently had two wands and looked majorly angry. His dark eyes had even darker shadows underneath them, protruding from his ashen face, framed by his much too long, broken and unwashed black hair. He looked truly terrifying. He was not the man Remus once loved.

"Sirius--" Remus began, but he didn't even know what he was going to say. Sirius towered in front of, close to him-- very close to him.

"I didn't choose to leave you. I loved you, I really did and I never stopped, you kept me sane in Azkaban. It was not a happy thought-- I was certain you hated me. But I had to explain it to you, no matter your reaction. It was a guilt, something I owed you. The dementors couldn't reach it, never," Sirius said quietly, his voice was not strong anymore, not at all. They looked at each other.

"Sirius, I--" but he never got to voice his opinion, because Sirius pushed him against the wall and kissed him. Remus froze, utterly perplexed.

His anger, his frustration, his fear-- everything melted away. It felt familiar, it felt real. Like he never left. And for that moment, he didn't know what to do with himself but to let it happen. It only lasted a heartbeat, but it left him absolutely breathless. His pulse was racing and he felt weirdly content. He hadn't noticed that his hand had made its way to Sirius' chest.

When he opened his eyes, Sirius was staring right back at him, inches from his face.

"You need a shower, man," Remus joked, touching Sirius' greasy black hair.

"Wow, sorry, I was kind of occupied, you know. Being on the run from... everyone," he laughed, and they grinned at each other, like they had no care in the world.

"I'm sorry I lost my temper," Remus said after a while.

"It's okay, you had every right to. You didn't have it easy these past years," Sirius said, his tone understanding and kind.

"No, I mean it, I really am truly sorry. We're both on edge about what happened with Peter, and neither of us had it easy-- ever, basically. I can't even begin to imagine what Azkaban must be like for so long, no one could fathom what you had to endure in that place, you must have suffered so greatly, I'm so sorry," said Remus with downcast eyes. He was ashamed of the things he had said before and wished to take them back.

"It's over, and that's all that matters, don't you think?" Sirius smiled, a small but honest gesture. Remus' heart fluttered, and before he could realize what was happening, their lips collided again. They were lost in each others presence, lost in how much they had missed each other. But at the same time, they were found. They found their old selves in each other, they found their old lives. And they were willing to try again.

"Will you stay with me?" asked Sirius quietly.

"It would be my pleasure," Remus smiled. A grin broke out on the other's face.

They let go of each other and turned to the dying sun. Neither of them could believe their luck.

"So, where do you fancy?" asked Remus with a youthful grin, turning his head to look at Sirius.

"How do you feel about East Sussex?" Sirius replied, now looking back at him.

Remus laughed and held out his hand, ready to apparate.

"Sounds perfect to me."

30. THE NEW BEGINNING

Remus Lupin stood outside on the balcony, looking out into the sea. Stars were reflecting on the water, every now and then disrupted by a small group of people or a couple throwing stones into the water. It was very late at night, the city of Brighton started to quiet down.

"What are you thinking about?" asked a voice behind him suddenly, making him turn around. Remus leaned against the balustrade and eyed the man that just stepped out of the apartment and onto the balcony. 

It was, of course, Sirius Black. He had taken a shower and was drying off his now freshly washed black hair. It was at shoulder length again and looked healthy and groomed. His teeth were so white, they almost blinded him. His skin had retrieved some colour and it was visible that he had at least gained two pounds that day. The dirty ripped prison robes were exchanged to a pair of black jeans, a white shirt and a brand-new leather jacket. It almost looked like all traces of Azkaban were eliminated, only his eyes told a different story. They were darker and looked older. It didn't fit the rest of the image.

"You look good," Remus said honestly. Sirius smirked thankfully, hanging the damp towel over the balustrade to dry. Then he faced the sea, one arm around Remus' waist. 

They didn't say anything for some time. Remus just looked at Sirius observing the water. He really did look wonderful, compared to a few hours ago. 

The evening before, they had left the cave where Remus had found him and apparated to Brighton, where Remus checked them--well, him and his big black dog-- into a Muggle hotel right at the beach. They slept way past midday, then ate the 'best meal that the planet has ever seen', according to Sirius, who ate so much that Remus had actually been concerned. Then he had disappeared into the small bathroom for at least two hours, and now the other saw why. When Remus had knocked on the bathroom door to ask why he was taking so long, he had only yelled "Art takes time, Moony!" and now Remus could confirm that statement. He was gorgeous.

'Understandable,' Remus thought as he took in every bit of his appearance. 'He hadn't been able to shower for a long time.' He couldn't quite comprehend yet that they really made it. He was here, he was with him again and they were safe.

"Look, I wasn't gonna say anything but it's getting creepy," declared Sirius suddenly, ripping Remus out of his thoughts.

"Huh?" 

"You've been staring at me for like five minutes now and it's getting creepy," he repeated, a smirk on his face. 

"Sorry," Remus said quickly and turned to the water again, slightly embarrassed. 

"It's fine," Sirius laughed. "Now that my hair does not look a mess anymore, I'm irresistibly hot again." They both laughed and shook their heads, then the conversation naturally died down. 

"I have an idea" said Sirius suddenly, his tone energetic and excited.  Remus watched him comb his wet hair with his fingers.

"Is it a good one?" he inquired, raising an eyebrow.

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves here," he answered.

Remus laughed and rolled his eyes. "What's your idea?"

"Let's go."

"Excuse me?" 

"Let's go. Let's leave. It's past midnight, there won't be lots of people in the streets, we could grab something to drink and go to the beach," suggested Sirius, shrugging as he tried to tie up his hair, but the wet strands kept falling back in his face.

"Absolutely not," Remus said earnestly. "You are out of your mind. What if someone recognizes you from the news?" 

"I am offended! I look nothing like the picture from the news. Come on, Moony, live a little!" he nudged, taking Remus' hand and pulling him out the door with him.

*

"For the record, I still think this a bad idea, Sirius," Remus repeated once again as they made their way down the promenade. He kept spinning his head around to see if they were followed, but he quickly stopped, as that was much more suspicious than anything else they were doing.

"I know, you've said so about five-hundred times now. Relax!" he smiled and Remus believed him. Sirius wouldn't want to wind up in Azkaban again either, he surely knew what he was doing. Like always, Remus let himself be talked into dumb ideas by a certain Black, for the sake of living and spending time with the people dearest to him.

But as they walked down the promenade hand in hand, Remus forgot about his worries; he was content. Sirius pointed out fascinating things every now and then. "Damn, what else did I miss? This is glorious!", he said upon viewing almost anything they didn't have fifteen years ago, including the newest cars, televisions and ice cream flavours. "I'm amazed." Remus enjoyed how excited Sirius was about everything. In the shop windows, he spotted clothes that all had to be commented on with "horrendous, god, who wears that??" or „I should buy that, pastel blue with purple stars seems like my colour". They laughed heartily and hoped it would never end.

"What's this song?" asked Sirius as they walked by a group of teenagers carrying a large ghetto blaster. 

"I don't know, man. I haven't heard it before," Remus said carelessly. Then two seconds later, he stopped dead in his tracks. "Wait a minute, you haven't listened to any music, let alone new music in thirteen years?" he asked.

"No, of course not. How could I have done so?" Sirius asked, raising an eyebrow. Remus' eyes sparkled with excitement.

"Have you heard of Bon Jovi?" he asked. Sirius shook his head, still confused.

"Oh good lord, love, you're in for a treat," Remus beamed. "You have missed some of the greatest music ever created. We will look for a record shop immediately tomorrow. Bon Jovi, Green Day, Europe,  U2, Nirvana, oh and when you get to hear the new Queen album, baby, it's heaven."

"Queen is still a thing?" Sirius now beamed, equally excited.

"You bet they are! This is gonna be great!" he smiled widely and kissed Sirius cheek, making him smile just a brightly. "I'll apparate us right in front of the stage of any of these concert when they come to the UK," he whispered and winked at him. Sirius rolled his eyes and took his hand.

*

They found a little bar on the beach and Remus bought them drinks, with which they walked good five hundred feet away from the lights of the bar. Sirius took off his leather jacket and placed it on the ground for them to sit on. They sipped their beers in silence, listening to the sound of the sea washing up ashore, the stars shining brightly above them. It was a quiet moment, they wanted to freeze time forever.

„I'm glad you're with me, Moony," Sirius said, nudging him softly with his elbow.

„I'm glad you're back as well," smiled Remus and leaned against Sirius' shoulder, who put an arm around him and pulled him closer. He felt his body radiating heat. It felt familiar, like old times.

„I want to atone for the past thirteen years, if you want that," he said, suddenly and out of nowhere.

„What do you mean?" Remus questioned, his voice more careless, in contrast to the other's sincere tone.

„I--... I want to—you know... I don't..." Sirius stuttered and Remus turned his head around to look at him.

„You okay?"

„Yeah, I just... In theory, do we like... do we even know each other? Are we continuing where we left off? Are we friends?" he paused and they shared a look. Remus gestured for him to go on, curious where this was going-- was it normal for his heart to be racing like that? „We've known each other for so long and I just feel like we were put on hold, not stopped. Hell, I don't even know if you've been... you, know-- seeing anyone these thirteen years. I just know that this feels like always, like I wasn't even gone but I know I was and that a lot has changed and I'm a little confused."

„Sounds more like you're gonna propose to me any second," Remus joked to lighten the mood. Now Sirius grinned as well.

„I didn't want to rush, I was gonna save the proposal for tomorrow," he laughed. Remus looked at him and saw someone that he knew he loved, no matter what had happened. They saw the promise in each other's eyes that they were willing to make it work.

The next second they were kissing, he didn't know who started it, it might have been him but it just as well could have been Sirius. It tasted of beer and desperation, of unspoken pledges, commitment and Sirius. And it was wonderful.

"So I take it you have not been seeing anyone else?" Sirius smirked against Remus' lips.

"Not really," he laughed. "My boyfriend went to prison for killing the three people closest to me. I kinda developed some trust issues after that. Not to mention intense abandonment issues. Also, I'm a werewolf." 

"A werewolf? You? Shocking," Sirius rolled his eyes and smiled at the revelation. 

They laughed quietly and Sirius pulled Remus closer to him. They fell silent for a while, listening to the waves crash onto the shore and the faint music of the bar. Remus was lost in his thoughts about a future with Sirius, when he addressed just that out loud.

"Though one question still remains unanswered-- what are we gonna do with our lives? Can't exactly both get a job at the ministry and buy a house in Brighton," said Sirius, his tone light but his question serious.

"I guess we're both outcasts. Even though I'd like to pretend I'm not quite as bad as you," Remus laughed. "Let's not worry about that for today, alright? Does this not suffice for now?" he asked, smiling. 

"It more than suffices," Sirius agreed. Remus raised his bottle, waiting for him to do the same.

"In the spirit of goodwill, freedom and the old days," prompted Remus.

"To Freedom. And to James," added Sirius.

"To James." They clinked glasses, drank and stared into the dark water.

*

Remus had said from the beginning that it would be a terrible idea for Sirius to go outside without a disguise, but just how bad it could go, the pleasant evening made him forget.

When the two of them went back to the bar at the beach to return the now empty bottles, there were only a good few people left in the small location. There was still music playing and the groups were conversing loudly. Remus was exchanging a few kind words with the bartender when someone shouted over the noise. "Blimey! Charlotte, that's that man from the tele!" 

The two men froze, it went quiet and the bartender, supposedly Charlotte, waved an impatient Hand. "Did you have one too many again?" she asked.

"No, I'm telling you! He was on the news! He killed people! That one there!" the man screamed, pointing frantically at Sirius, who just stood there, absolutely startled.

Most people started mumbling in agreement "He's right!" or "Someone needs to stop that madman!"

Remus laid his hand on Sirius back and smiled anxiously. "There must be a confusion here, we are not from the television and certainly didn't kill anyone." 

Then someone stood up and showed a picture. It was most definitely Sirius, in his cell in Azkaban, the picture the Muggles all saw on their televisions. "Someone call the police! Scotland Yard! The gendarmerie!" someone yelled and two very muscular men stood up and walked towards them from both sides, trying to keep them from running.

"First of all, how dare you?" Sirius said, very accusingly. His hand lingered in his back pocket where Remus suspected his wand. His own was pressing against his arm in the sleeve of his flannel. "Second of all, that's not me, I look way better, can't you tell?" Remus almost snorted sarcastically. What was he doing? "And lastly..." Sirius began and grabbed his hand. "Byeee!"

They ran toward the door, ducking under the arms of people reaching out for them. Sirius threw the door closed behind him. "Colloportus!" yelled Remus and pointed his wand at the door. That would give them a headstart. 

"Hold them!" Screams followed them as they ran down the promenade like maniacs. Once they reached the next tall apartment building, Remus pulled Sirius into the alley behind it and apparated them to the other side of the city. They fell against the brick wall breathlessly, still holding hands. The cold stone was a contrast to their sweating bodies, so they leaned against it while trying to catch their breaths.

"Well, that was fun," Sirius said, grinning.

"Fun? That was dangerous, we could have been caught. One wizard and we're dead men, Sirius!" Remus replied shakily, still gasping for air.

"Still kind of fun," he argued.

"Kind of." Remus smiled, and then they stood there in the darkness, laughing about their situation like they weren't on the run from the whole country and fearing death upon capture.

Sirius squeezed his hand, making him look at him. They shared a quick kiss before Sirius pulled away smirking.

"Well come on then, maybe I should stay low for a bit. Lead me to safety, Mr Everything-Is-Dangerous," Sirius teased and in the blink of a second, where he had stood, there was a big black dog, waiting patiently for Remus to lead the way.

"Yeah, sure," Remus rolled his eyes but laughed as the dog licked his hand. "I guess we'll stay low for a bit, Padfoot."

EPILOGUE

Dear Harry,

I hope this finds you before you reach your aunt and uncle. I don't know whether they're used to owl post. Buckbeak and I are in hiding. I won't tell you where, in case this owl falls into the wrong hands. I have some doubt about his reliability, but he is the best I could find, and he did seem eager for the job.

For the same reason, I cannot tell who else is with me, as it would mean danger to his life if this information was discovered. Let's just say he taught us all a lot this year and is smiling like an idiot as I'm writing this. (Also, he is forcing me to write, can you believe that?)

I believe the dementors and the Ministry are still searching for me, but they haven't a hope of finding me here. I have 'allowed' (it was more or less voluntary) some Muggles to glimpse me a few days ago, a long way from Hogwarts, so that the security on the castle will be lifted next year. (Moony says I almost got us killed but he doesn't mean that.)

There is something I never got around to telling you during our brief meeting. It was I who sent you the Firebolt; Crookshanks took the order to the Owl Office for me. I used your name but told them to take the gold from my own Gringotts vault. Please consider it as thirteen birthdays' worth of presents from your godfather. I would like to add that Moony had almost entirely surely known that the Firebolt was sent by me and could have saved you a lot of trouble, so blame him. (Now he accuses me of impoliteness. I am questioning my loyalties.)

I would also like to apologize for the fright I think I gave you that night last year when you left your uncle's house. I had only hoped to get a glimpse of you before starting my journey north, but I think the sight of me alarmed you. (Moony is saying it was a terrible idea and I should have known better, please agree that he is a horrible know-it-all.) 

I am enclosing something else for you, which I think will make your next year at Hogwarts more enjoyable. 

If ever you need me, send word. Your owl will find me. 

I'll write again soon (Moony is making me.)

Sirius

RS: I thought your friend Ron might like to keep this owl, as it's my fault he no longer has a rat. It really is an owl, let Crookshanks confirm this statement if you don't believe me.

"I'm glad you wrote him a letter," said Remus, studying Sirius, who sat at the desk in the cheap motel room they had rented in Wales.

"It's weird, but I'm glad too. I feel like I know him so well, but he has no memory of me," Sirius said, tying the letter to the tiny owl's leg. 

"I know, but we'll get to know him some day. We'll be a family. He truly is like James, you'll see," he reassured and smiled. He knew neither of them wanted to wait, they wanted to care for Harry. The only duty James had left them before he died. But realistically, it was impossible without presenting Sirius to the public-- resulting in both of them executed before they even reached Azkaban.

"You think James would be mad?" asked Sirius, looking up at him. He smiled apologetically.

"Of course not. He knows you're doing everything you can to be there for Harry. I bet he's up there somewhere with Lily, looking down on us, on you and me, on Harry. And he's proud. Probably waiting for the day Harry will be able to stay with us too, for that will be a wonderful, wonderful day. Don't think about it too much." Remus kissed his significant other quickly, before pulling him out of his seat at the desk.

"And if that takes a few years, then it may. We have the rest of our life," he said, looked at Sirius and smiled. Those eyes, that smile... he really wanted to see that for the rest of time. He had so much love for that man and he knew he was loved just as much.

"The rest of our lives? How long is that?"

"Very, very long."

THE END