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A stifled yawn carried through the nearly empty airport as if it was echoing. Another came directly following, from a different person. Both sleep deprived, exhausted. Too tired to even move, until one of them did. An adolescent with an odd pink set of locks leaned forward in his uncomfortable chair to peer down with blurry eyes at his wrist. Blinking away sleep, he read the time aloud to the person who’d yawned before him. He took his other hand back--from the raven haired boy next to him--and ran it through his hair haphazardly. He just wanted to sleep, but he wouldn’t be able to until he was on the plane, lest he miss his flight.
“Three in the morning.” His flight was supposed to be at 11 at night, and had been delayed. The pair had been sitting in an airport since 9 pm. A short, empty scoff left him as he slid back into his resting position in his chair that he would rather not be sitting in and never wanted to sit in again. “This is ridiculous.” If he hadn’t been so tired, his words would have real bite to them… but he was, so his voice was just above a whisper. He turned his head pressed against the back of his seat so he could face his unit-mate and definitely not boyfriend. His eyes were closed. He looked so dreary, and Shu knew he would end up this bad off but he had insisted he needed to go with him. Shu couldn’t deny that of him, it would be their last bit of time together until his flight for Paris left. For a while, at least. “Kagehira,” a small ‘humm…’ let him know that his unit-mate (not his boyfriend) was unfortunately still awake, maybe not for long though. “My flight should be boarding any minute now.”
As if on cue, an announcement came on, blaring in their ears already so used to the quiet. The voice coming through the speakers told them that Shu’s flight was indeed going to be boarding--right then, in fact!
“Mmm..” A disgruntled sleepy noise came from Mika as he shifted to start getting up. “So loud…” Shu let all his mumbling and grumbling be forgotten as he got up to his feet. “Mm… I’m gonna be sad here in jus’ a minute y’know…”
“I know.” Shu straightened out his shirt, looking a little somberly at his shoes over Mika’s comment. “I know, Kagehira.” He didn’t consider crying to be part of his flight, and shockingly Mika (who was not his boyfriend) seemed to be taking his departure… easily. He wasn’t there yet, but he could tell that soon enough his eyes would become blurry once again--for a different reason than sleep--if he didn’t leave as quickly as possible. Shu heard a faint bout of pouting and turned back around to face the other boy.
“Mmnn… I still wish I could go with ya… like y’could pack me up all little in yer bags. See I’m a li’l too big ta fit into one, but if I could shrink down I jus’ might.”
“I’d stop you then, too.” Shu held Mika’s hands in his own, looking at him seriously. “You have school to finish. I wouldn’t let you go with me even if you were a little doll if you still had obligations here. I’m just… running away.”
“Tha’s not true Oshi-san… ya’ve been through lots here. ‘S okay that ya wanna leave so badly.” Mika tried to smile at him, to reassure him probably, but Shu noticed it then that he really wasn’t as chipper as he was trying to give off. His eyes telltale to all his emotions he didn’t want to show. But Shu caught them much better than others did. He looked as though he were breaking on the inside, and suddenly Shu felt worse for deciding to leave this person that was so precious to him behind. He didn’t think it was possible, considering he’d dreaded it since the moment he decided he was leaving.
“It is true. It is. But it is my own decision and I have already seen to it up ‘till now. This last part is upon me and all my work ‘fore now shall be in vain if I do not step foot on the plane waiting through those gates. But I will …” His hands squeezed Mika’s gently, he couldn’t break eye contact with him in that moment even if the world was ending. “I’ll miss you.” An odd feeling in his throat caused him to clamp his mouth shut after he watched Mika’s eyes fill up with tears. Smiling, even, and laughing of all things as tears came down his face. Shu watched on. Like watching a sad movie. Guilt panged in his chest so he reached for it, still holding Mika’s hands, and in a spur of the moment decision he assumed he’d be making a lot of before he left he laid Mika’s palm flat against his chest. Over his heart. “I’ll visit you, of course. I’ll be back for your birthday and graduation, too. But… that won’t make up for the loneliness I’m beginning to feel even as I am standing in front of you, stalling. Maybe secretly trying not to board that flight.”
“What’re ya sayin’ right now, I don’t- I don’t understand nothin’.”
“You.”
“Me.”
“I love you.” In a rush he pressed his lips against Mika’s, and he was standing up straight once more just as quickly after. And perhaps shredding the rest of his patience with crying by doing that. “I love you.” He spared Mika from coming up with an answer on a time limit and turned to leave. The face the other boy made would haunt him every night, he was sure of it. Eyes wide open and tears dripping off his thick, dark lashes. His mouth was shut, trembling like he was trying not to open his mouth and let out a cry. Only seconds from walking away he started wiping at his eyes. He stopped dead in his tracks. He asked himself why he was going to just leave like that, and decided he couldn’t.
Of all the things he was running away from, Mika couldn’t be one of them. He refused to let that be the case, even when it wouldn’t matter that much when they were miles and miles apart and separated by seven hours’ difference.
He still had just a bit of time. It would never be enough in truth, but he had to work with what he was allowed.
He rushed back to where he’d left the boy standing, his heart breaking as he watched his shoulders shake with each cry he bit back. He looked as though he had dropped to the floor right after Shu had left. Seeing that was more painful than getting stabbed could have ever been. Another spur of the moment decision he made, and it would’ve left him reeling under any other circumstance. Getting on the floor, getting his clothes dirty, he didn’t care. He sat on his knees in front of the other boy.
“Mika.” Reaching out, he lifted said boy (the aforementioned boy--not boyfriend) up to hold him under his arms, around his back. “I really hate seeing you like this.” He swallowed thickly. His voice betrayed him, trying to be strong and calm. “Wait until my flight leaves to start crying.” He sniffled a little, not even caring that his voice was totally about to crack. “You know I’ll come back for you like this every time I have to leave.”
“I hate- yer so mean!” Mika couldn’t help raising his voice the little bit that he did, or that he was whining about it. “Y’can’t jus’ tell me that ya love me an’ then leave! And yer callin’ me by my name now too? Ya gotta pick jus’ one thing fer me ta hurt over at once!” Shu held him even tighter as he spoke, took a shaky breath in and sobbed into his shirt. “Yer so cruel!”
“I know,” his hand became entangled in Mika’s raven locks and he pulled away with his eyes stinging. “I know I am. But can you forgive me for it this time?”
“I’ll never f-ergive ya fer this Sh… Shu.”
“Never?”
“Not even ‘n yer dreams.” Mika inhaled sharply while they looked each other over. Shu was afraid he would miss his flight after all if Mika kept looking at him the way he was in that moment. If that was the case, maybe he wouldn’t mind. Not one bit. Even with his chest pains and painful, stinging eyes that still were flooded, a smile overcame Shu.
“If you are in my dreams I think it won’t matter if you forgive me or not. And if you keep calling me that.” He got a frustrated groan back as Mika threw himself at Shu, his arms tight around his neck.
“Rrrgh… now I’m never callin’ ya that again outta spite.” He managed a laugh hearing those words.
“Look me in the eyes if you’re going to make such a bold statement.”
“Y’don’t deserve it…” Mika had lowered his voice to say, his eyes closed. Shu held him all the same as he leaned back. “Oshi-san.”
Shu stared at his face. He was listening intently, heart aching as Mika addressed him. He knew exactly what words were about to be said.
Mika’s hands came to rest at the sides of his face, index fingers and his thumbs before Shu’s ear. He watched Mika’s face turn red as he leaned in and stopped just as their lips brushed barely against each other.
“I love ya.”
Shu squeezed him around his waist, Mika gently thumbing away his tears in return when they finally got close enough to kiss. Met with not strawberry chapstick and various other fruit flavors from candy but only with disappointment, Shu moved to finish what he’d started. Without hesitance or prickling feelings of worry or doubt. Wholeheartedly, he kissed Mika. Really kissed him. Softly, sweetly, like he ought to be treated. And only broke away when Mika (boyfriend!) couldn’t help but to whimper at him in embarrassment. Shu turned him some to hold Mika as he laid against Shu’s chest.
“Call me when ya get ta Paris. I mean it.”
“Don’t you worry about that. There’s no one else I’d rather call right after I land in a different continent.” He could feel Mika roll his eyes at his dumb, joking remarks.
“I don’t care how early ‘r late it is, here ‘r there. Jus’ call me.” Shu kissed the top of Mika’s head.
“I will,” he said softly, against his hair.
They stayed like that for only a few minutes, until Shu got up to his feet and helped Mika to his own as well.
“I’d love to stay and kiss like that again but unfortunately I really do have to get on that plane. Mika.” Shu couldn’t help the fondness in his expression as he gazed down at the other.
“Stop tryin’ ta be funny. Mm... I miss ya already…”
“I’ll see you soon.”
“Yeah… I’ll see ya… soon.”
One last squeeze and a kiss on the cheek (and then the mouth) from Shu to Mika. He was off at last. One thing he wasn’t running from was enough to assure him he could move forward.
So he boarded his flight, knowing Mika certainly was on the phone asking a friend to spend the day with him--probably Natsume or that Narukami Arashi he was so close with. Maybe all off his class from the last school year. And certainly trying and failing miserably not to cry. But at the very least that he was happy even a little bit underneath all his sadness. And Mika never had to know that Shu cried on that flight enough to make him pass out the moment he landed (in his new room). And getting up the next morning didn’t taste so bitter without Mika there, though he had forgotten a few times that he was truly alone there already. But by noon he knew he was in trouble.
A frantic scramble to find his phone and about a page full of notifications from his messaging app prompted an “Oh No” to slip out of his mouth. His shame was immeasurable. He wondered how stupid he could be.
“I forgot to call him.”